Chapter 13 Momentary Blank (2)-The loneliness of two people

Getting to know Jin Qing is an important thing in life for Ni Chen. This is important because Ni Chen found that Jin Qing has more and more time in his life.She wrote E-mail to him, sometimes three or four a day, sometimes one a week.She works on the website, and all letters are sent from the company mailbox.Most letters are sent at 10pm.He didn't know why she didn't come home so late. The letters are not long.Clean, incoherent, some fragments of words.Then more and more piled up in the mailbox, like snowflakes in the night without a sound.Finally, Ni Chen had to create another folder to keep these endless E-mails.

Ni Chen, do you like your parents?Why do I sometimes feel like it has nothing to do with them.They are in another city and I am here alone.My eyes are very similar to my mother when I was young, but after the age of 15, I never hugged her again.I often don't want to see them.But I also know that I love these two people who are becoming more and more strangers. I love them so much that I feel pain in my heart. When I think of them disappearing in this world in the future, I feel very terrified... ………… Have you ever felt lonely?Sometimes I don't seem to feel it, like in the office, I'll be alone for an entire day without talking to anyone.I thought I was in control.But sometimes, when I suddenly realize that loneliness has swallowed me up in it, I will be very desperate.

I will scream.will cry loudly.will tremble... ………… Naturally, she also mentioned men.A Shanghai man. …I live with him in the most remote corner of the city, and we are very poor.Sometimes I think he and I are two insects in the transition of the seasons, living only in the cracks, the darkest and dampest cracks in the depths of the earth. We were relatively silent and often argued.He keeps spending money, so I feel a lot of pressure, I have to keep making money, I'm afraid we will starve to death... ………… I like him touching my fingers in the dark, gently and faintly.My fingers are cold.But his skin is warm, covering me with warmth.It seems that the singing that I heard in my childhood is lingering around again. I think it should be the hymn sung by my grandmother, which can calm my heart.

So, I thought, fingers are very lonely.If not petted, they will die. But this man, he touched me, in the cold darkness... That afternoon, Ni Chen walked out of the school gate with Jing Jing, preparing to go home separately.Jing is a girl from Nanjing, who often reserves a place for Ni Chen in the library, and sometimes goes to other schools to watch experimental dramas in turn.It was a girl with a round face and a very pure smile. Because she never needed Ni Chen's promises, she always got along with each other very tenderly and peacefully. Jing said, Ni Chen, you have been in a daze recently, do you have internet autism?

Ni Chen said, no way. Whale smiled.When I have free time, I still go out to bask in the sun more often. If I watch too many computer screens, people will become pale. Ni Chen said, yes. They parted at the station, and Ni Chen boarded a car that was surprisingly empty.He sat on the seat by the window and watched the sun come in, so he spread his palms and watched the jumping light rise and fall like a bird. Suddenly he felt very uncomfortable.For the first time, Ni Chen found himself feeling a kind of pain.This is no longer his own simple life. Back home, Ni Chen wrote a letter to Jin Qing.He heard the lonely sound of his fingers typing on the keyboard.

Jin Qing, we may be able to choose our own lives within a certain range.I hope you can be happier.Just like that afternoon, you acted like no one else was there.Maybe it's time we meet up.Do you know my home phone number? The letter was sent at 6 p.m. 10 minutes later the phone rang. Ni Chen, it's me.That sweet, thin-sounding voice on the phone.How about going out for dinner tonight?I'm going to a friend's birthday dinner. Ni Chen's heartbeat stopped for about 10 seconds, and then he smiled.He found that his voice was actually pretending to be relaxed.OK, I can muddle through a meal again like last time.

Ni Chen didn't eat the dinner he had prepared at home, put on his shirt and leather shoes, and walked out onto the noisy street.He squeezed through three buses, then walked briskly for about 10 minutes, and finally stepped up the stairs of the restaurant sweating profusely.Suddenly he felt a little ridiculous.Why go there?He is not a person who likes to join in the fun. But when he saw Jin Qing, he found his heart calmed down.Jin Qing stood up among a large group of strangers and waved to him.Twilight fell over her face, and she was thin in the dim light.Wearing the fine linen embroidered top from last time, her long hair is messy.

Her other hand rested lightly on a man's shoulder. Lin greeted Ni Chen.He looked cloudy and kind of dirty.It seemed that the body was filled with the poison of smoke and marijuana, and his expression was depressed, and he kept yawning.He has no qualms about being rude and disrespectful.But he is handsome.Is a very handsome man. Ni Chen was sitting opposite him.He saw that Jin Qing didn't get any care, Lin kept yawning and drinking heavily.Until he had drunk at least four bottles of beer, his face was pale but he didn't seem to be intoxicated. Ni Chen looked at Jin Qing eating alone, her eyes were cold and expressionless.Until halfway, Lin suddenly quarreled with a man.

Two bored men, stimulated by dirty words and alcohol, wrestled together.Cups and dishes were swept to the ground, making a harsh shattering sound.Jin Qing firmly grabbed Lin's clothes and coaxed him in a low voice, okay, don't be like this, be good.Lin pushed her away.Jin Qing was pushed to the ground, and everyone's eyes were on her. Jin Qing slowly got up, with a cold face, suddenly took a beer bottle and threw it on Lin's head. You go to hell, beast.She cursed fiercely, the shards of glass drew blood from her hands, and beer filled with white foam flowed from Lin's face and hair.She turned around and walked out of the chaotic restaurant without looking back.

Ni Chen followed her closely.Jin Qing walked very fast, her white and thin figure shuttled through the noisy crowd and the silent night.Finally, she stopped by the steps of a department store.Ni Chen saw that she was lighting a cigarette. He walked in front of her and looked at her quietly.Her fingers were covered with bright red blood, which was still flowing.Ni Chen took out a handkerchief from his pocket, took her hand, and wrapped her wound tightly. They sat down on the steps.Jin Qing kept smoking without saying a word.Ni Chen didn't speak, just raised his head and looked at the sky indifferently.dark sky.The starlight of the city is always blurred.

Sometimes I hate him very, very much.Hate very much.Suddenly she spoke softly. Ni Chen didn't look at her, but just raised his head quietly.I read a sentence in a book before, sometimes two people who don't know each other will be more lonely when they are together than when they are alone. Jin Qing didn't speak, and she buried her head in his arms 10 seconds later.She lifted his shirt and wrapped it tightly around her head.Ni Chen noticed that she was shaking.She maintained this position without saying a word, and then let out a whimper of animal pain.