Chapter 6 love is older than lover

We haven't seen each other for five years.Me and Xiao Song.During the five years, I occasionally thought of him.Very occasionally.Occasionally, when I see a person with a similar build to him on the side of the road-he has a slumped butt-I will laugh dumbfounded; on the day of catching the train, I will think of the only trip with him; When I was in a clothing store, I remembered that he acted like a baby and asked me for a T-shirt of that brand. There are about 43,800 hours in five years.And I think about him for no more than ten hours.This kind of indifference should not be love.I never thought I loved him, but that dream last night betrayed my heart.

I was smiling in that dream.I dreamed of many animals, including elephants, kangaroos, and many mongooses.I dreamed that Xiao Song opened a zoo for me.The zoo notice said that he opened the zoo for a beloved girl.He couldn't be with her, but that was the only thing he could do for her.The notice was in color, and in the background was a photo of me walking barefoot on the beach in a white dress when I was nineteen. Ok.This is a dream.I woke up laughing from my dream. It was late at night when I woke up, and the hands of the luminous watch were at 3:40. I couldn't sleep anymore after that.Xiao Song's face was so close to me, it seemed that when I turned around, he was lying on my side.I think of many things about him.I think of many of our mutual friends.There are also some things we have experienced together, and a period of time we have traveled.Then I suddenly realized that I love him.From the day I met him, I fell in love with him.ten years.

Look at me, how stupid it is to love someone for ten years and not know it.But sometimes, you only dare to admit who you love in your dreams. Later, I analyzed why I never knew I was in love with Xiao Song.Then I understood.My heart is actually resisting the love for him.Why resist, because he doesn't love me, or he doesn't love me enough.I used to be unable to encourage myself to love someone who didn't love me. Xiao Song loves me, it's just in a dream.And reality is never a dream. Xiao Song doesn't love me because he has been in love with another girl.She carried all his childhood dreams.He used to walk a lot with her, when she didn't know it.He silently followed her, followed her to and from school, and went into the stationery store next to the school.Grab some snacks at a roadside stand.Send her home.

The girl was also a little silly, not knowing that she was being so admired by someone.I have seen her photos, short hair, ignorant, innocent, with upturned mouth, always looking happy but not sad. I envy such a girl.Seeing all she seemed to see was the sweetness of life.Who wouldn't love it? However, the sweeter the girl is, the more it will hurt people's hearts.Xiao Song said that he confessed his love to her seventeen times and was rejected seventeen times.From his fifteen years old to his twenty-three years old. For those seventeen times, there were ten confessions, and I was by his side, even encouraged by me.I wrote down the tricks in the romance novels I had read one by one, and asked Xiao Song to choose.We can't afford to be rich and handsome, Xiao Song is just a handsome poor guy.

Small means such as writing love letters, ordering songs on the radio, airlifting roses, bribing friends, etc., all failed one by one.Those love letters with the girl's name on them traveled the land and were thrown into the trash.When Xiao Song was depressed, I was also depressed.We sat on the steps of the teaching building drinking beer together, and talked about those sorrows.Then he kicked the beer can. It was that kick, I kicked Jianghuai.He is my ex-boyfriend.Also the only boyfriend I had in college.His name later became a famous brand of domestic cars.Anyway we had a somewhat bad relationship and we broke up.But he and Xiao Song also became friends.We used to go out to eat together in threesomes, hang out, and brag on the curb.

It was the eighteenth time that Xiao Song confessed his love to the girl—we had already graduated at that time—she responded to him impatiently: "Then help me find a job." Xiao Song found a job for her.Bribed their company's administration and personnel, and found a front desk position for her.Pretty girls are always at the front desk, and the girl at the front desk is always pursued by many people, even though she was already Xiao Song's girlfriend at the time. In the second month of work, the girl went to the movies with her male colleagues.I still remember that it was a rainy day, and I fell asleep in a daze.A muffled thunder woke me up, and then I received a call from Xiao Song.He said in a crying voice on the phone that the girl could not be found, the phone was turned off, and he still hasn't called back, and it's raining outside.He had been waiting downstairs since 9 o'clock, but he never arrived.

I comforted him, and then I heard him ask hurriedly, "Where have you been? Why did you come back? I've been waiting for you..." I also heard the impatient voice of the girl, the farewell of other men, and the sound of the car starting.Then the phone disconnected.That night, I never fell asleep again, and naturally I had no dreams. Later, the girl cheated and got together with her male colleague.And Xiao Song quit his job, smashed the fire hydrant of the office building with one punch, and ran away from home.Before leaving, he came to me and took 3,000 yuan.It was half a year later that I heard from him again.

At that time, Jianghuai and I had not yet broken up.But the various contradictions seem irreconcilable.We were always quarreling and quarreling over trivial matters.Once there was a fierce quarrel, Jiang Huai dropped a cup and said: "You never really liked me at all. You only have Xiao Song in your heart." I said you are sick, I said, okay, I will go to Xiao Song now. But my search was nothing.Because I have no news about Xiao Song.Later, I packed my things while sobbing, and ended that relationship completely from the bottom of my heart. Because of the registration, I went back to my alma mater.After finishing the work, I sat on the steps of the teaching building where Xiao Song and I used to sit and stared blankly for a while.The setting sun hung red like a salted duck egg yolk over the pine forest in the west. I looked at it for a while and smiled, and for a while I wanted to cry.

After sitting for about an hour, someone sat next to me.Turning his head, he saw Xiao Song.With a cigarette in his mouth, his hair has grown long, and he still wears the old T-shirt he bought from me as a baby.Then he asked, "What are you doing back?" I burst into tears like a prodigal son rejected by his mother.Regardless of hugging him, he smelled the unpleasant smell of sweat on his body, as well as the smell of dust that had been wasted by the years. I had dinner that day in Xiao Song's rental house.After he ran away from home, he returned to the school, rented a private house, and asked his juniors to mix up a school meal card and reading card, as if escaping, and dawdling around.The house was in a mess like a pig's nest, I couldn't stand it, and it took me a long time to clean it up.

He was surfing the Internet, and when he saw that I was busy, he would nag: "Don't worry about those things." I feel so fucking like I've soaked his dirty laundry.As soon as I started rubbing the collar of one of his shirts, he rushed into the bathroom, annoyed, "Don't do it." Then he came to pull me, and my foot slipped, and I was in his arms. We just hugged for a while.I feel safe and warm. He said, "I miss you a lot." I didn't say anything.We have never been in an ambiguous relationship, and the warmth makes me immersed and scared.So I pushed him away hard and said, "Then wash it yourself."

When I left that night, Xiao Song sent me off one ride after another.Several times, I thought he was going to say, "Don't go, stay." But he didn't say it.If he said, we are just a pair of men and women whose bodies are stiff because of loneliness, relying on each other to make our bodies warm and soft.There is nothing else.We may start a romance, or we may just waste a friendship.I don't want such an uncertain ending. During those six months, Xiao Song started working as a freelancer working from home.He takes on a lot of jobs, website design, web page optimization, and some software development. We occasionally meet for dinner, and our relationship is light.He talked about a girlfriend, who was his high school classmate, who was very nice and had a round face.I think it suits him perfectly - not jealous at all.But the two were together for only three months, but they separated again. I asked him if he still couldn't forget the girl. He didn't answer. Look, we're talking less and less.The time to meet is getting less and less, and the meal will always be done within an hour.He's always busy getting back to work.When a person has no love, he devotes himself to his career.How should I put it, the development is not bad.After that, he opened a small company specializing in software outsourcing.In those few years, Android just emerged, and they made Android software.The company is gradually on the right track.I went to his company once, there were not many people, but it was decent. When eating together, he asked me if I would mind adding someone.Sure enough, it was the girl who cheated on her first love.She still has a sweet smile and a proud posture.He helped her pull the chair, and asked her politely what she wanted to eat and where she would go shopping in the afternoon. I couldn't eat that meal.After a hasty separation, I no longer have any interest in contacting Xiao Song.I don't know why I hate that girl so much, I never want to see them together. Then he called me and we had a fight.I say that hanging from a tree and wrestling in the same place are big fools.Our friendship was kicked and thrown by the wayside.I haven't seen you for five years.Send a text message to say hello once in a while.Most of them are the kind of text messages during the holidays, with a bit of sophistication and utilitarianism, as if they are maintaining a shaky relationship. Then I had this dream.This dream made me wake up with a smile, and then lie in bed until now. I have not been idle in the past five years. I have been working, falling in love, traveling everywhere, non-stop.I even took part in an audition for a singing competition, joined the Hanfu Cultural Association, learned tea ceremony and guzheng, and went to the literary youth gathering every week.I've been in love four times and three men have proposed to me.One of them made a cartoon for me and showed it in public in a bar.Lots of roses, screams, and shouts of "yes" and I didn't get a kick out of it.I escaped. It's been a year since that proposal, and occasionally I regret not saying yes.But only occasionally.At those moments, I felt that the world was very quiet, and what I heard was the sound of silence colliding with silence. As for Xiao Song, he was cheated again, the girl kicked him after catching a better man than him.When I heard the news from EX Jianghuai, I felt a little pleasure and a little bit of distress.But we still haven't been in touch. Now, the phone is next to me.After trying again and again, at 5 o'clock in the morning, I called Xiao Song. Hey? Hey. it's me. I know. miss you. Ok.me too. I don't know if I'm a jerk now.A man who hasn't called me for five years is now driving to me. I feel like I'll accept everything from him.Because I love him.Because this discovery came too late, I cherish it all the more.Sometimes you love someone who may not love you back, and there's no shame in it.Even if he might break my heart in the future, even if we might not be able to fulfill our love and preserve our friendship.Even if all uncontrollable things happen.Even if this adventure leads to a series of adventures.I still want to see him, hug him and kiss him passionately, climb into the same bed with him, toss and turn, to die for. For such is my heart, that love is older than lover, and crowns outlive kings. The doorbell rang and here he came.