Chapter 3 The most beautiful occasion in life
Life is boring and trivial, and we can only appreciate the beauty of life by some occasional things in our daily life.And love is the most beautiful occasion in life.
Looking back on my nearly thirty years of life, I have only chased one boy, and it failed.
This guy is called Guan Sui.In the third year of high school, we all called him Guan Dazhuang.Because at that time, he was one hundred and ninety in height and one hundred and ninety in weight.
He sat in the last row of the classroom, just behind my best friend Wu Xiaochun.Because there is a self-study class at noon after class, I have to hang out with Wu Xiaochun and gossip with girls, so I am quite familiar with Da Zhuang.
This guy has a really sweet mouth.
"Xiaoxi, your handwriting is beautiful. It is better than Pang Zhonghua."
"Xiaoxi, your hands are so white and long, you must be a natural pianist."
"Xiaoxi, your dad's big motorcycle is so handsome. Your mom looks young too."
"I think that girl is good-looking, but she is not as temperamental as you, Xiaoxi."
...
He always talks like this, of course I think he has a crush on me.
When filling out the application for the college entrance examination, he asked me blatantly: "Xiaoxi, which school are you going to apply for? I'll be with you. It's fine even if it's the same city. We take care of each other."
This is already a relatively subtle gesture of goodwill, and eight of my classmates, including Wu Xiaochun, have started to say that maybe he likes me.
Wu Xiaochun once asked me: "Xixi, do you really like him? If you like him, go after him. We are a new generation of young women, it doesn't matter who speaks first. Didn't we make an appointment to fall in love and enjoy our youth as soon as we entered university? Is it? Why do you have to look for it in the university? Isn’t the one in front of you who knows the basics very good? In fact, Guan Dazhuang is quite handsome, at least he is the tallest one among our classmates. And he has a dimple on the left side of his cheek when he smiles Yo."
I refused, because he was too far from the male god image of a thin, sad young man in white clothes I imagined.
"Xiaoxi, don't worry that Da Zhuang is very strong now, every fat man is a potential stock. He should be very good when he loses weight."
"Why didn't I know he was so reliable, You can you up."
"Isn't he not interested in me?" Wu Xiaochun looked helpless, as if I got cheap and behaved.
"Besides, men chase women across the mountain, and women chase men's interlayer gauze. Try it, it's like training at the beginning of love."
...
Bewitched by Wu Xiaochun's three-inch tongue, I moved a little bit.Looking after Guan Dazhuang, I think it is quite pleasing to the eye.
So, I decided to confess my love to him at the end of the not-too-disgraceful summer vacation when all the grades were settled.
I still remember that the weather was beautiful that day, and it rained the day before, so the air was clear and cool the next day.The leaves of the trees on the road have been washed green and gratifying.I wore a blue navy dress that had been praised three times by Guan Dazhuang, and I made an appointment with him at the "Takara Ice Cream Shop" not far from the school.
After eating six balls and chatting about One Piece for half an afternoon, I finally said my confession: "Guan Dazhuang, do you want to fall in love with me?"
"Ah?" Guan Dazhuang's stunned expression seemed to have nothing to do with joy.
"This, this is not good." Then he said.
"You! What's wrong?" I was nervous and angry, and my legs began to swing.
"You're not yet eighteen." He blushed and found a reason.
"Who told you that you can't fall in love before the age of eighteen?" My voice also started to shake.
"It's like this, Xiaoxi, I think it's unreliable to fall in love before the age of 22. We should devote all our attention to studying. At the age of 22, most of them have graduated from college, and they may work or take the postgraduate entrance examination , when the time comes, everyone will basically decide where to go, so if we fall in love like this, it will be more fruitful, right?" The more he talked, the more energetic he seemed, as if my current confession was a big mistake.
"Mahler..." The swearing was too dirty, so I held back, "Guan Dazhuang, you will regret it so much that your teeth will fall out!"
After I finished speaking, I overturned the residue of a bowl of ice cream balls on the table, swayed, shook my lips, and walked out the door high-spiritedly.
In short, the tragic scene at that moment made me unable to forgive myself for many years, and even silently withdrew from the group of high school classmates.Whenever there is a party, I pretend to be dead, busy, pretending to be out of town, and pretending to be intimate with my boyfriend.
Men chase women across the mountain, and women chase men through layers of gauze.Wu Xiaochun, come here now, I promise not to beat you to death.
Wu Xiaochun was sent to Beijing by her mother to study "New Oriental", not cooking, but English, and then planned to spend money to go to New Zealand.
Later, I went to university. I didn't go to my first choice, so I couldn't share the same city as Guan Sui.We were never in touch again.I even forgot about him, and forgot that we used to be very warm together through the whole three years of high school.
In fact, thinking about it now, I didn't like him very much back then. If it wasn't for Wu Xiaochun's instigation, I wouldn't be able to do the thing that I regret for many years.
In short, this is the history of me and Guan Dazhuang, the only boy I ever pursued.
Later, much later.I can finally face him and the embarrassment I have faced with peace of mind.I also re-accepted the invitation to join the high school classmate group, and watched them gag, make jokes, show various life shows, and hook up with each other every day.The familiar feeling gradually came back.
When I accidentally yelled in the group that I had no inspiration and wanted to die, Guan Sui popped open my small window, "I'm coming to Hefei, let's have dinner together at night? Let me tell you my story."
"Aren't you working in Jiangcheng? Why did you come to Hefei? Are you on a business trip?"
"No, I'm here...to play."
"Haha, you really know how to find a place to play. Let me treat you to dinner tonight." I finished typing this line with a smile. The embarrassment I once had seemed to be reduced to debris by time, leaving only bits and pieces.
It was eaten in a small restaurant, and the students couldn't share the status quo in the group, and then I went straight to the topic, "Tell me, what is the story that shocks the world and weeps the ghosts and gods."
The current Guan Dazhuang has lost some weight, and once he became thinner, he became taller and straighter, which looks a bit pleasing to the eye.
"Hehe, do you drink? Have some with me?"
"Ah? What wine to drink?"
"Something white?"
"Okay, I want another big bottle of Sprite. I can't drink it without it. It's too spicy."
So we started drinking.You have a cup, I have a cup, each with bitterness, and swallow it.Guan Sui majored in architectural design back then, and later went to graduate school, and went to work in a design institute after graduation.He could be regarded as a promising young man, but then something happened that completely changed the trajectory of his life.
When Guan Sui first went to the design institute, he was extremely busy, often working overtime and drawing until late at night.The blueprints were changed over and over until the mouth peeled off, even so, he was still scolded by the leader.Their leader is a 40-year-old lady with a strong personality and a right word.Guan Sui was often tortured by her.
"I was able to survive those two years thanks to my ex-girlfriend." Guan Sui said to me after taking a sip.
Seeing my puzzled eyes, he explained: "She was my school girl when I was a graduate student."
"Ah, you really didn't fall in love until you graduated from college."
"Yes, that's my principle." I seemed to see his serious look back then, and a few grass-mud horses roared in my heart.
Guan Sui's college career was very uneventful.In fact, he is more like a side actor in TVB. Few people notice him, but he is always there.Picking up a fallen leaf on the way to class, writing a few sour poems on the desk, answering "yes" loudly in public classes, seeking a sense of presence in club activities, participating in one or two volunteer activities, and ranking steadily in the top grades three.
"Has no girl ever chased you?"
"You are the only girl who has ever chased me. There has never been another person."
It felt so humiliating that I had the urge to beat the wine bottle.
"Eat vegetables, eat vegetables. Oh, Xiaoxi, this dish you ordered is really good, you can become a professional order chef." Seeing that my expression was wrong, Guan Sui quickly changed the subject.
After graduating from university, Guan Sui worked as an intern in a small company in Star City.By then he had lost weight and gained some muscle.It looks like a six-point male god.Besides, he has also reached the age he designed to fall in love.Once I had an idea at the beginning, I couldn't clean it up.There are three girls in that small company who are entangled with him.
"Yo, don't understand and refuse?" "Rejection is true love." He glanced at me and said leisurely. Indeed, based on what I know about Guan Sui, he is handsome, has a sweet mouth, and knows how to walk on the left side of the girl, pull out the chair for the girl, hold the roof of the car when opening the car door, and be careful not to touch the girl's head. Such gentleman details , of course the affair came so fast that it couldn't be stopped. "Are any of them under eighteen?" "Of course not. In fact, they are all older than me." "Mature?" "Hey." His smile was ambiguous, and I lowered my head to drink. Guan Sui was also deeply in love with one of the girls. What should have happened and what should not have happened happened. "It's a very strange feeling, as if the soul is not my own. It is completely led by the nose. She wants me to die, and I will die immediately." "Then, why did you get involved with Junior Sister again?" "Oh, it's hard to say." The girl is called S, and the junior sister is called Z.Let's just call it that. In fact, the first thing Guan Sui noticed when he arrived at the internship unit was S.How should I put it, S is the kind of girl who looks weak and weak, and she just joined that company, and her job is to deal with all kinds of trivial matters.Whoever asks her to do anything, she doesn't seem to know how to reject others.Moreover, she has slender eyebrows, thin body, thin body, fair skin, and curly hair, which makes it easy for men to develop a desire for protection. At that time, the man's animal nature that had roared in Guan Sui's body for more than twenty years was eagerly looking for an exit.Before he could find the right time to pursue S, he was dated by another girl from the company. The girl has been working in the company for three years and likes outdoor sports.On weekends, I like to go on a short self-driving tour, ride a bicycle around the lake, go rock climbing, bungee jumping and so on.She said to Guan Sui: Boys must have a sense of adventure, come with me! Guan Sui went.Once there, I didn't go home that day.Straight out camping.The virgin Guan Sui missed all the hints from the girl and failed to hit a home run.Afterwards, the girl became indifferent to him.Guan Sui later thought that the girl probably wanted to play with him, but when she found out that he was not the same kind of person, she stopped clicking. The other girl was matched by the manager of the administrative department, and arranged a date for them on her own initiative.The girl was very shy, and the two spent the whole afternoon together, talking less than a hundred sentences.Basically, Guan Sui was saying: Let's go over there and have a look.What do you want to drink?What are your hobbies?Do you like American dramas? ... It can be said that the relationship between the two of them that afternoon was very discordant.Guan Sui felt all sorts of awkwardness, so he wanted to end the date immediately and go home.But due to the etiquette that a man should have, he persisted until the end. They watched a very boring movie, and when they walked out of the movie theater, the two of them didn't communicate, not even scolding the director and screenwriter.Then, Guan Sui saw S. S stood in the corner of the cinema, wiping tears with the back of his hand.Standing next to her is a large Shrek ornament. Shrek's funny expression and her silent tears turned into a photo that is more touching than a movie poster. It was captured by Guan Sui's eyes. Come down and store in your head. But the girl traveling with Guan Sui didn't find S, and Guan Sui didn't remind her.I always feel that girls who cry like that don't want to be seen by people they know. The girl who sent her on a date took the taxi home, and Guan Sui went back to the movie theater.Going back again, it's okay, S is still standing there, still wiping away tears. "What's wrong with you?" Guan Sui walked over, reached into his pocket, and took out a tissue. "It's okay." S probably didn't expect to meet someone he knew, and felt a little embarrassed. "Are you waiting for someone?" Guan Sui asked her. "No, I'm not waiting for anyone." "Ah, then... shall I take you to blow hair?" Guan Sui didn't know why he was poor at words, and he could say TVB lines like blow hair. "No, you go first. I'll stand for a while and leave." Guan Sui thought, maybe she didn't want to be disturbed. But he couldn't leave immediately.So I walked a little further, found a seat and sat down, waiting for her. After waiting for more than half an hour, another movie ended.It was a love movie, and the couples who watched the movie filed out.How the chaos happened, Guan Sui didn't know.All I saw was that the crowd suddenly formed a circle, and then there were girls screaming. Guan Sui rushed over, and then saw S being thrown to the ground by a girl tearing her hair. Basically, S came to the movie theater to catch the rape, and then went up to beat up the mistress when he saw the mistress, but it turned out that he was no match for him at all.The scumbag looked on eagerly, but he didn't dare to save any of them. The final result was that Guan Sui fished S out like a chicken, stuck it under his armpit, and carried it all the way into the elevator. Until Guan Sui sent S back home, she was still crying and never gave him any explanation. As soon as the door of her house was pushed open, Guan Sui's heart was drunk.It was exactly what he could have imagined his girlfriend's home to be like. S lives alone, and the room is neat and clean.A solo photo of S is hung in the place where you can see it when you enter the door.There is nothing extra on the various table tops, spotless, even the bathroom and kitchen are as clean as a model house. One of the details of the straight tapered tube Sui heart is that S hangs the bag behind the door, and after hanging it, he gently straightens it.Even if she was crying like that, she still wanted to hang the bag upright, which made Guan Sui a little distressed. Hearing this, I interrupted Guan Sui, "Is S a virgin?" "go!" "I mean Virgo, cleanliness and OCD..." "Oh, she's a Scorpio." ... No one has ever told Guan Sui to send the girl home, pour water, watch her drink it, and wait for her to recover, what to do afterwards, so the girl went back to the room to lie down and rest, and he just sat on the sofa in a daze I stayed overnight. In the morning, S got up and was shocked to find him still sitting in the living room. "Are you feeling better?" Guan Sui asked her. "much better." "Well, then I'm leaving." Guan Sui stood up, ready to leave.I always felt that I was embarrassed to leave a girl who was sad late at night, and it was impolite to leave without saying hello, and it was cruel to wake up a person who had finally fallen asleep, so I sat until morning. S was very embarrassed, said a lot of words like thank you, and sent Guan Sui out.As a result, as soon as I opened the door, I saw my boyfriend coming over. It was unclear whether he was here to explain or to ask for an explanation.In short, Guan Sui, who had never fought before, had a fight with him for no reason. So it didn't work out. With a bleeding nose, the boyfriend asked S to leave with a broken diamond ring that he once gave her, and then left, Guan Sui lay on S's sofa with a bruised nose and a swollen face. "Why do you remember so clearly, even the details." I interrupted Guan Sui's narration and asked him. "There are some things that you can't forget even if you want to." S was still wearing the nightdress that he hadn't had time to change that day, and it had a pattern of little strawberries on it.The long-sleeved dress was pure white, with little strawberries on it, and her hair was hanging down. She half-kneeled in front of the sofa, and helped Guan Sui put OK bandage on the scratched part of her neck. "We were so close. I could smell the faint scent of shampoo on her body. Her eyes were downcast and her eyelashes were long, so serious. Fingers were cool on my neck, you know? I was My mind went blank. I felt like I couldn't remember anything. I was a total animal in heat. I just kissed her. "At the beginning, I was pushed by her, pushed hard, she was very hard. I was also very hard, I must kiss her, I will kiss her to death. It is not an exaggeration to say that it was like rape at the beginning. Later, when I looked at her arm, it was indeed bruised." "Beast!" I was actually a little unhappy that Guan Sui told me such ambiguous details.We are also lonely men and widows drinking together, okay, this big night... Facts have proved that I was thinking too much, Guan Sui was completely immersed in memories, and regarded me as a tree hole. And I should obediently make a tree hole. Later, S kept refusing Guan Sui and let him go. "I don't." Guan Sui, who had gone mad, hugged S tightly and didn't let go.Please fill in your brain with all kinds of shameless pictures. In short, Guan Sui fell into a love accident that he couldn't extricate himself from. After that time, Guan Sui and S began a period of ambiguous time. After S officially broke up with her boyfriend, she still couldn't get out of the shadow of her ex.Guan Sui just wanted to melt the ice in S's heart with gentle warmth, hoping that she could forget the unpleasant past as soon as possible and talk about a happy love with him. S has always been cold to Guan Sui.But Guan Sui, who is just in love for the first time, has already fallen in love to the death, thick-skinned, unable to drive away, posting every day. Guan Sui said that what he thinks about every day is how to please her and get close to her.In order to make her laugh, she played cute and ugly in all kinds of ways.No money, but send flowers to her every day.As soon as I woke up in the morning, I ran to her house and went to work with her.Send it back after get off work.All the time outside of working hours, sticking to her, sticking to her.When she was tired of dealing with him, she had no time to be unable to extricate herself from the old relationship. "I don't know how I had so much strength when I was facing her? I couldn't use it up." "Then, how did she fall in love with you?" "Later, she didn't fall in love with me either." ... Under Guan Sui's sarcasm and soft-spoken and gentle offensive, S finally agreed that he would come and live with her. Hearing this, I feel that S is actually not as reserved and resistant as she showed.She was actually willing to be with Guan Sui at that time.Maybe it's just greedy for his tenderness.No girl really hates the enthusiasm a guy has for her.Even if she just wanted to take some of his heat, it was her response. In my opinion, there are many kinds of responses in a relationship.The most rare thing is that the two love each other.The second is love for a long time.The worst thing is that because of greed for each other's heat, they steal in a detour by being together.But no matter how much you get back, your heart towards the other party is still cold. Undoubtedly, what S gave to Guan Sui was the worst kind. Guan Sui spent a period of days with S that he thought were very happy.Perhaps for those who love, being with the one they like is the greatest happiness. Whether S also has such a profound sense of happiness is unknown. Every day the two of them cook, eat, wash dishes, clean up, and watch TV. He sleeps holding her hand and sees her face when he wakes up. "Suddenly there is another meaning in my life. I want to live a good life for the person around me." Guan Sui clinked a glass with me and squeezed out a bitter smile. Summer is coming to an end soon, and in early autumn, Guan Sui will go back to Jiangcheng to study as a graduate student.Because we are not in the same city, we can only separate from S first.Of course, he was sure in his heart that the two of them would not have any grievances because of the different places.He has confidence in himself.But S is obviously a little anxious.Although she still refused to admit that Guan Sui was her boyfriend at that time, she explained curiously about her colleagues' gossip like this: "He chased me very fiercely." Guan Sui invited S to quit his job in Star City and go to Jiang City with him. S refused unequivocally. Guan Sui was extremely reluctant when he left. When they were in different places, the two also had more than a dozen phone calls every day, and kept in touch with each other through text messages and QQ.Guan Sui takes the train to Star City every weekend to see S.Go on Friday night and take the early morning train back to school on Monday.In fact, there are also disadvantages of falling in love late, that is, the passion of more than 20 years was burned in the first relationship. The eighteen martial arts to coax a girlfriend, and the seventy-two changes in emotions, all changes are inseparable, and the girlfriend is God. Moreover, Guan Sui's passion period is longer than others. When Z appeared, it happened to be the time when Guan Sui liked S the most. Z is very lively.It is exactly the opposite character to the quiet S. Z knew that Guan Sui had a girlfriend, and at first he always joked that he was a 24-year-old boyfriend. Z also often helps Guan Sui occupy a seat in the library and helps Guan Sui bring breakfast.When Guan Sui followed his mentor to draw pictures and do projects, Z often even helped Guan Sui prepare hot water and send it downstairs. "How did you know each other?" I interrupted Guan Sui's narration. "One weekend I couldn't get a train ticket to Star City. Z just transferred the ticket online on campus." At that time, you didn't need to see your ID card when you boarded the train. Z originally wanted to go there to see a friend, but later the friend had to go on a business trip, so he gave up.However, several times later, Z and Guan Sui went to Star City together. Z went to see a friend, and Guan Sui went to see S. On the train, Z will prepare two U-shaped pillows, two meals, two comic books, and will take special care of people.The comics are funny and touching, not Guan Sui's style at all, but Z actually cried after watching them.Guan Sui has always been unable to resist a woman's tears, but a softness suddenly appeared in his heart.Of course, this tenderness is also fleeting, just like the confusion and emotion that arise suddenly in many cases. Z has seen S's photo on Guan Sui's cell phone.She said carelessly: "Oh, show me the jade photo of my sister-in-law." Z looked at S's photo, and his mouth was full of compliments. "She is such a girl, a bit like you. She looks carefree, unguarded, and sometimes has heart-to-heart thoughts. She is very enthusiastic, can feel a kind of real sincerity, and is also very...cute." Guan Sui praised Z and me seriously but with reservations. The small restaurant was about to close, so we moved to the nearby Qing Bar. In the Qing bar, I was a little dizzy, leaning on the sofa and squinting my eyes to take a nap.Guan Sui's next story, I was a little confused.Anyway, he was just looking for something to say, not asking for an answer, so I don't need to seriously try to solve the problem. When he was in a long-distance relationship with Guan Sui, S was still deeply trapped in the hurt of the previous relationship and did not get out.When Guan Sui is around, she can pull her. When Guan Sui is not around, she can't control her fall. S first went with the female colleague who likes extreme sports to challenge some things that he never dared to do before.Although she is very persistent, she basically makes a joke every time.That female colleague not only likes extreme sports, but also loves extreme speed emotions.There is no boyfriend, but the "friends with benefits" who are on call are not the same every time. As the number of times increased, it was no surprise to see S, and I was even a little envious of the freedom and ease of female colleagues.Don't talk about love, don't hurt feelings, what a simple relationship between men and women. A female colleague asked if she wanted to introduce someone to S, and S nodded strangely. There are always a few moments in life where the IQ is zero, the brain is blank, and it is impossible to describe the inexplicable stupidity at the time. Meet the boy, go to the hotel, and walk on the way to the room.There were countless moments when she could regret and run away, but she just didn't catch it. S didn't start crying until it was over.The boys who were with me probably didn't think it was interesting, so they left first.Only S was left alone, trapped in the room, and also trapped in the emptiness of regret. Then she called Guan Sui and confessed to him. Guan Sui woke up from a dream in the middle of the night, and S's words were like pouring a basin of ice water on his head, and then his brain went blank, and his IQ became zero. Yes, Guan Sui forgave S like any boy with a fiery first love.After hanging up the phone, he booked the earliest train ticket to Star City online, and waited downstairs at S's house early in the morning, until S came back from the hotel. "The way she looked at that time, you really couldn't get angry. Like a lost little girl, her eyes were swollen from crying." In life, there will always be times when you are hijacked by various desires.More than material desires, more than lust.It's more about greed for inner satisfaction.Of course, this is not wrong.It is human nature to pursue inner satisfaction.But there are many ways to pursue it. Some choose selfishness and cynicism, while others choose forbearance and warmth. Whether what S did was just because of lust, I don't know.But Guan Sui just couldn't control his desire for the satisfaction in his heart when he was with S. He didn't say anything at the time, but just held her in his arms.I cherish it very much, and I am very, very afraid that she will be lost from my life. Afterwards, Guan Sui only said one sentence to S: "From now on, don't do anything to hurt yourself again." After that, he never mentioned this matter again. He didn't mention it, it was restraint, forbearance, and he chose to be warm and tolerant. Say S.After that incident, her attitude towards Guan Sui did change drastically.Become gentle and more dependent.Guan Sui's attitude was probably beyond her expectation.Maybe she suddenly discovered that there are still good men in this world who are different from her ex-boyfriend.And a good man should be cherished.Do your best. The two continued their long-distance relationship, and they were a little cautious about each other, maintaining the superficial happiness and harmony. S also no longer conceals the relationship between the two.The photo taken with Guan Sui was also put on the computer desktop. In this way, another half year passed. "Actually, that was really a happy half a year." Guan Sui said, "Now that I think about it, she is really a woman I have loved with all my heart." "Then why didn't you make it to the end?" "Later, her ex-boyfriend came to her and she cheated again." "No way." Hearing this, I was half sober. After studying for a semester, Guan Sui, together with a few classmates, was taken by the tutor to other places to do projects.It's a month to go. During this period, S reunited with his ex-boyfriend at a friend's birthday party.The ex-boyfriend has returned to being single, and he is very courteous to S, very warm and disgusting.Among so many girls, I still feel that S is the most suitable. At the beginning, S really rejected his ex-boyfriend and hit him hard, but he stuck like a dog's skin plaster.She had other ideas, to play with him—as he had done to himself before—and to shake him off. "Uh..." I really couldn't think of the content of the evaluation. S is so naive, have you watched too many revenge Korean dramas?
But the truth of man's fall is that in that depth, there is temptation. S and his ex-boyfriend are also first love, which means a lot to Scorpio S.Even if the original heart is broken and the Sri Lankan is scum, there will be no thoughts. And reunion is an eternal test for lovers who break up.What's more, S failed to take revenge on him as he planned.Instead, accept him again. S cheated. Unlike the first time, because she didn't care about Guan Sui, she was able to tell the truth.This time, she couldn't bear to control Sui and her ex-boyfriend, so she chose to hide it. Can someone really cheat without being discovered? Remember the girl who had a blind date with Guan Sui?One day, Guan Sui suddenly received a multimedia message from her, opened it, and there was a photo of S and his ex-boyfriend walking down the street holding hands. On the day the MMS message was received, the project that Guan Sui and the others were following was launched. During the launching ceremony, Guan Sui, who was staring at the photos in a daze, was almost killed by a forklift. Guan Sui didn't know why the girl sent that photo to herself so bravely.He didn't think about it at all.But he clearly saw that the future between him and S has changed from bright stills to a snowflake where the TV station's signal has been cut off. This time, he didn't rush to find S immediately, and he didn't even call to ask for an explanation. On the train back to school, Guan Sui asked a classmate for a cigarette.The first time I smoked, I choked badly and felt nauseous. He didn't take the initiative to call S again.After returning to school, he almost turned into a walking dead.But his brain was extraordinarily active.He constantly builds and overthrows the reasons why S and his ex-boyfriend reconciled.He even persuaded himself to understand her for a while, and never blamed her for being harsh on her. A week after the walking dead, Z appeared alive and kicking in Guan Sui's world, "Oh, brother, you're back. Are you going to see S recently? Let's buy train tickets together." "Not going," Guan Sui said, "nor will I go in the future." "broke up?" Guan Sui showed Z the photo. Z was very kind, and comforted Guan Sui, saying that maybe it was an old photo, the two of them had been together after all. "Impossible," Guan Sui replied, "I bought the satchel with her three months ago." "Then maybe they just want to be friends again, not necessarily." Z continued to comfort. "Hehe, can you be friends with an ex-boyfriend who hates so much?" "I will." Z nodded very seriously. Guan Sui continued to walk the dead. S began to call him frequently, the main content is as follows: "Why don't you like calling me anymore? Are you busy? What did you eat today? What I ate was... Do you miss me? Or I will go to see you Well. When will you come and see me?" Guan Sui couldn't imagine that she asked herself what she ate when he couldn't eat and couldn't sleep at night? He doesn't know what to eat.Maybe it's food, maybe it's worry, maybe it's pain. He is like a coward in front of her, afraid to ask her why, when, where to start, will it end? "Actually, later, I thought about it," Guan Sui smoked a cigarette, and said, "Maybe I was giving myself time to digest this matter like I digested the last time. In fact, I still I can't bear to be separated from her, and I still think that we might be able to piece together a future." "It seems that the facts have disappointed you." I sat upright, and it was strange that I always slid down on the sofa as if I had no bones. But Guan Sui couldn't digest the moldy fruit that S handed him in the end. Z took care of Sui and was pitiful, so he stayed with him every day.Eat together, drag him to go for a walk, go to the movies, go to the playground to play video games. Guan Sui has always taken care of S, and being taken care of by Z is actually very passive, let alone touched, and a bit annoying. In the evening, Z grabs Guan Sui and eats and drinks with him. "Get drunk, tomorrow will be sunny again." Z is full of positive energy. I don't know how many men and women have released their loneliness and depression through a drunk.Guan Sui only remembered that he drank too much wine at the barbecue stand, and when he woke up the next day, he was lying naked on the hotel bed. Z sat on the edge of the bed with his face in his hands and looked at him, neatly dressed. But something did happen to them.On the snow-white bed sheet, there is a memorial of Z saying goodbye to being a virgin. "Oh, this is a virgin." I interrupted his narration with a smile. "You really..." Guan Sui glared at me. Guan Sui said that at that time he was already confused. I still remember Z comforting him and saying: "Don't mind, we each took what we needed last night. I won't ask you anything. It's too old-fashioned to be responsible. I'm a new young woman." "A 22-year-old girl who is still a virgin..." "Don't believe me, I even took body portraits!" Z said to Guan Sui very seriously, as if throwing physical evidence at any time to scare you to death. "Nude?" "Chest close-up." Guan Sui nodded, glanced at Z's small breasts under his shirt, and had no choice but to accept her identity as a "new and new young woman" and her concept of "new and new young women". From friends to bed, it is impossible to restore the pure and undivided feeling between friends before.
Before putting on his clothes, a thought broke into Guan Sui's mind. He pulled Z to bed and took a selfie with her with his mobile phone. Before Z could react, Guan Sui sent the photo to S. About five minutes later, S's calls came over and over again like a flood.Guan Sui just refused to answer.When the phone finally stopped shouting stubbornly, Guan Sui also sent the photo of S and his ex-boyfriend holding hands. S never called again. And so they parted.There was no breakup ceremony, no entanglements to the death, no bad words, no false blessings, not even a "goodbye". But the inner turmoil finished everything, even more, even more intense. After breaking up, Guan Sui relaxed a lot.Gradually, I was able to eat and sleep well.It's just that I don't dare to face Z. Of course Z didn't come to him as quickly as before.When the two ran into each other occasionally, they were a little embarrassed for each other. Time passed by, and finally the thorns and embarrassment could be slowly melted away in the gastric juice. Another summer has arrived, and before the arrival of the summer vacation, Z came to see Guan Sui. "Brother, can you play with me?" "Where to." "The world is spinning around." "Just the two of us?" "Yeah, men and women match, and work is not tiring." Z seems to have regained his former enthusiasm. Guan Sui was moved by the fact that he was going to go to the northwest to do a project with his mentor, but it was impossible to move forward due to geological disasters. Their first stop was Chengdu, and during this trip, Guan Sui was taken care of thoroughly and comfortably. Z prepared a lot of things, took the map and guide to find time-honored snacks, went to a special literary bar to listen to people playing tambourines, and bought cheap and unique hotels in group purchases.Then they went to Chongqing again. After staying in Chongqing for two days, the two decided to take a ferry to visit the Three Gorges. "Sorry, there is only one standard room left. Otherwise, you can choose to live in a quadruple room." The travel agency lady said with a smile. "No, no, no." Guan Sui and Z waved their hands together. Then they lived in the standard room together. "Did something happen?" I asked with a smile. "Of course." Guan Sui looked like I had never seen the world. That trip brought a qualitative leap in the relationship between Guan Sui and Z.When seeing Goddess Peak, the tour guide explained Shu Ting's famous poem: "Rather than exhibiting on the cliff for thousands of years, it is better to cry on the shoulder of your lover all night." Guan Sui turned his head and saw that Jing's quiet and serious face was already full of tears.
"I just can't see girls shedding tears." Guan Sui said, "My heart hurts suddenly. It's as if someone suddenly took a tube of blood from my heart." "It hurts, I just fell in love with him." I assumed the attitude of an emotional expert. 后来他们下船参观各种沿途景点，管隋紧紧跟在这个瘦小的女孩旁边。以前跟她在一起，想什么就脱口而出，后来竟然百思不得一个合适的话题。 有一天下雨，景点也少。他们撑着伞在甲板上漫步雨中，管隋突然就觉得这雨可以一直下下去，这甲板可以无限长，只要有Z在身边一起走。然后他就扭头问Z：“我们要不要试着在一起？” “好啊。”Z说，嘴角弯出了很漂亮的弧度。 与Z在一起的时候，管隋亦是喜悦的。这种满足不同于S。女人像书，S是一本虐心小说，读完之后，身心惘然。但Z更像励志心灵鸡汤，读过之后，会与这个世界和解。 后来旅途结束后，管隋送Z回家。Z也是独居。于是管隋就在她家住了几天。 有一次Z在做饭，管隋想找一个适配的手机充电器，却在一个抽屉里看到一个小盒子。打开，让他大为吃惊。里面都是一些他曾经不知道丢去哪儿找也找不到的小玩意儿。一支画图铅笔、用了一半的橡皮、用旧图纸随手折成的书签、太阳镜、被换掉的旧版借阅证、写着自己身份证号码的火车票票根…… 他捧着小盒子去厨房，Z掩饰住了尴尬，笑嘻嘻地对他说：“傻瓜，我喜欢你很久了啊。” “我怎么没看出来。” “这只说明我很有演技。那时你有女朋友的呀，不想让你为难。” “我去看S，你和我一起坐火车去星城，只是为了陪我吧？” “哎呀，星城很好玩的好吧，我几次去都没玩过瘾，以后还得多去几次好好耍耍。” 管隋放下小盒子，把她抱住，很紧很紧，很深很深。最后，饭做了一半，两人就去少儿不宜了。 “说起来，你可能不信。我和Z在一起两年多，只在分手之前见过一次她的裸体。” "impossible!" “是真的。她总是穿着上衣，就算是在不开灯的深夜也是。有一次她洗澡忘带换洗内衣让我给她送，她也是躲在门后面，只留一只手的宽度。我要进去看她，她大喊大叫很生气。是那种真的生气，大意就是，你要是敢进来，我分分钟就弄死你那种。” “娇小的女孩子会弄死你这大汉？” “哪儿有真正怕老婆的男人，小时候我妈就经常喊我爸：管宇宙，你给我过不过来，1、2、3……我爸通常不会等到3就颠颠地跑过去了。我爸也190。我妈才155。他打不过她吗？他俩每次打架，负伤的都是我爸，哭号着说委屈的都是我妈。我爸就给我妈鞠躬：对不起，是我错了。我都看不出来我爸到底错在哪儿，小时候总觉得他窝囊。现在想想，那是他尊重我妈，也尊重我。有一句话不是这样说的吗？一个男人给孩子最好的爱，就是爱他的妈妈。” “好吧好吧。”我连连点头，觉得管大壮还挺感性的。 管隋没有见过Z的身体，但触到过。她的左胸上有一道深浅不一的长疤痕。 “这是什么？”管隋问她，心里有了不祥的预感。 “拉链。”Z回答，“锁心的拉链。” “锁心？你的心怎么了？你不会有心脏病吧。” “傻瓜，把你的心锁进去了啊。” 管隋满腹狐疑，但基本可以确定，那是手术创口留下的疤痕。 Z只好解释说是小时候做过手术，没什么大不了的。现在一切都很好，所以不要再问了。 如果要打破砂锅问到底，Z就会真的生气。 管隋曾经很困惑Z为何要隐瞒自己，讳莫如深。但后来才知道，她只是希望，他们的爱情道路能走得长一些，再长一些。 后来，管隋毕业，留在了江城的设计研究院。初出茅庐，各种人生难题一起袭来。特别忙乱，疲累。也渐渐地不再纠结Z的“拉链”。 他搬去与Z同住，Z照顾他的起居、饮食。可以毫不夸张地说，她像照顾孩子那样照顾他。有时他午夜梦醒恍惚就是Z在给自己掖被子。每天早上起来，Z已经做好了早餐，当天要穿的衣服已经摆在了床上，午餐饭盒放在了玄关。若他赖床，Z就躺在他的旁边，从背后抱过去，“亲爱的，你这么辛苦，今天不去了吧。” 有时他加班，Z还会送餐给他，陪他加班。不管他多晚回去，Z都在等着他。像只等主人回家的小猫，一边打盹儿，一边看着电视。 “现在想想，其实她也很累。她还得上课，却为了照顾我，没有住校。但她从来没有喊过累，总是一副精力充沛的样子。对Z来说，我真的是个很不合格的男朋友。” “你们为什么会分手，是因为她的病吗？”我已经猜到Z也许身患顽疾。 "may be." “后来有一次，我去星城出差……” “等等，你不会去找了S吧。”剧情太狗血，我再次要跳起来。 “我不是去找她……还记得我开始实习的那个单位吗？那家公司与设计院有合作项目，因为我在那儿待过，领导就让我做联络人。” 于是管隋便再次见到了S。她依然做着行政工作，整个人瘦了很多，状态不好。 “看到你过得不好我就放心了。”这句话并不适合管隋当时的心情。说到底，他对S依然有心结，两人都欠对方一个解释。 可现在想想，分开后的两个人，真的需要解释吗？ 管隋便约了S一起吃晚饭。当然，过程并不愉悦。S当然没能和前男友修成正果，也没能报复得了他。 “男人果然没有一个好东西。”晚饭结束后，S的总结。 S离开后，管隋一个人留在座位上发呆。大概半个小时后，S又回来了，问他：“我们是不是真的没可能了？” 管隋点点头，“我有女朋友了。” S哭了。 管隋拉她坐下，十分认真地跟她说：“世界上还是有好男人的。更不要去以'坏'来定义没能走下去的爱人。在我看来，每一份爱情的开始都不是以分手为目的的。没能走下去，是天意。不停恋爱的人，不是花心，只是为了找到更适合自己的人。毕竟，要携手到白头的另一半，并不是那么容易遇见。抓紧时间去让自己更美，更好，不要让生命中属于你的那个人等太久。” “呃……这不是我小说里的一段话吗？”我听出了端倪。 “是啊，其实我一直都在关注你。”管隋笑眯眯地跟我碰杯。我为他的真诚点赞。 就此，他与S之间画上了一个圆满的句号。 结束了星城的工作，管隋立刻返回江城，想尽快见到Z。与S的交谈，让他捋清了内心的脉络，他要与Z一起走完余生。他何其幸运，没那么辗转，就遇上了她。 可是Z并不在家。打她的电话，她说老家有点事儿，要回去两个月。 “什么事儿要两个月，需要我帮忙吗？” “不需要。你照顾好自己就好了。” Z匆匆地挂断了电话。 管隋内心泛起了嘀咕。他不过去星城三天，走的时候还好好的。但工作忙碌，连轴转，他也没时间多想。 Z走后一个月，她打来一个电话，说：“分手吧。” 管隋问：“为什么。” “我在老家相亲了，有一个不错的对象。知根知底。家里人都很满意。他们还是希望我找个离家近的，好照顾。” “骗人，不可能，我不信。” "Sorry." "Come back to me!" “对不起了。”电话那边似乎传来Z压抑的哭声。 电话挂断，只留冰冷的嘟嘟声。 她怎么可以单方面放弃他已经在内心与她达成的约定？她怎么可以在他认定她的时候离开？ 管隋跟领导请了假，跑去了Z的家乡。但却没找到Z。Z的一个亲戚告诉管隋，Z父母在Z上大一那年，出车祸去世了。后来Z便卖掉了家里的几处房产离开，一直都没有回来过。 果然，她在骗他。她要分手的原因，不是什么相亲，是“拉链”。 管隋回到江城后，开始一家医院一家医院地找Z。然后在一间单人病房里，找到了Z。病床前的卡片上写着Z的病是乳腺癌。Z正在做化疗，头发快掉没了。 看见管隋，Z立刻从床上跳下来，掀被子，找帽子。 帽子没找到，被管隋狠狠捉住手骂。 “不要骂我了，”Z说，“我现在已经这么惨了。我现在是个没有乳房的女人了。” 身高一百九十公分的管大壮松开了她的手，蹲在地上号啕大哭。 当天下午，管隋就跟领导请了假。女领导虽然强势，但却支持管隋去照顾Z。更何况，就算是丢了工作，管隋也不想丢了Z。请完假，管隋就去买了钻戒和玫瑰花，然后一路怀揣着紧张与悲壮，准备向Z求婚。 在这之前，他还在群里咨询了损友。我们共同的朋友吴晓春鼓励他带Z去坐热气球，在天空的见证下，向她求婚。他觉得很不错，但鉴于Z现在的身体状况，还是决定保守一点儿比较好。 不出我意料的，Z拒绝了他。甚至把戒指从窗口扔了出去。情绪激烈。 管隋半跪着，一直没有站起来。 “如果你想让我死得快一点儿的话，你就跪着吧。”Z懒得拉他。 “我陪你不行吗？” “我以后没办法生孩子。” “要什么孩子，有你就够了。” “可是我不够，我不要一段感情里有病痛。不要你看到我狼狈的样子。”Z也开始哭。 “不管你什么样子，在我眼里都是好看的。” “这样也好看吗？”Z刷地掀开病号服，粉红色的新伤口在胸下蜿蜒，那是又一个新的拉链。 管隋再次哭了。 后来，是护士进来，以病人不能太激动为由，赶走了管隋。 Z住院了半年，管隋辞了设计院的工作。女领导给了他一张名片，说设计院以后是不好进了，让他做好别的打算。 管隋每天都去医院。Z不太搭理他。管隋倒是和小护士混熟了。小护士说，管隋求婚那天走后，Z猫着腰在窗外找了一下午钻戒。找到后，戴了好一会儿。 “挺大钻的，不少钱吧。” “那是，半年的工资呢。” 小护士还给管隋看了Z的病例。Z第一次治疗乳腺癌时，才二十岁。那年她父母刚去世，她悲伤过度，压力太大，原本只是炎症，拖延治疗后来发展成癌。但是是初期，治疗还算顺利。谁知道后来会复发。 管隋想起Z拍胸部写真的事儿，内心一阵紧缩。 因为Z的拒绝与不合作，管隋只得答应和她分手。于是她变成了他的前女友。但他们还是朋友。 “是你自己说的，你会和前男友成为朋友的。”管隋以此要挟。 Z只好接受了这样一个朋友。 “所以，你现在的身份是她的朋友？”我抹了一把眼泪问。 “是啊。哎呀，小西，你别哭了，你知道我最见不得女孩子掉眼泪。”管隋抽出纸巾来递给我。 “呜呜呜，Z没死吧，我不要Z死。” “她当然没死，活得好好的。”管隋哭笑不得。 “那你们为什么现在还没有在一起？” “她说她喜欢现在的状态，想好好地享受几年人生。但我觉得这也是托辞，她只是怕拖累我吧。” “呜呜呜，Z好傻，你这么壮，她顶多帮你减肥了。”我觉得我的鼻涕已经出来了。 Z出院前，管隋没有再去找工作，而是开了家公司。他找到Z，跟Z说，注册资金需要一百万，老本都拿出来了，还不够，能不能借点儿。Z给了他五十万。 “你太无耻了，竟然骗钱。”我揩干净鼻涕，对管隋怒目而视。 “她的钱，我入了公司股份。我只是觉得，我一定要用一种方式与她继续纠缠下去，如果不是婚姻，不是恋爱，那么是钱也可以。这样，我就有理由见她，一直亏欠她，不让她再因为我的出现有压力。” 还好，管隋的公司现在已经走上了正轨。前任女领导介绍了不少资源和人脉给他。虽然前期很辛苦，但时间却自由许多，让他有时间去与Z继续纠缠。 Z研究生毕业后，管隋邀请她去公司做财务。她不干，说影响她的心情。她现在的工作是做保险设计。Z是法律系毕业的。鉴于自身遭遇，她只想设计出一个真正利民的保险项目，去保护像她这样的人，在疾病到来的时候不那么灰心绝望。 Z出院后依然十分活络热忱。一有时间，就会去旅行。她其实并不在乎去哪里，只是想多了解这个世界。只是无论她去哪里，管隋都会第一时间知道，并跟过来。 “怕她有意外。”管隋说。 “所以，你是跟着她一起来合肥的吗？” "yes." "Does she know?" “表面上是不知道的，但应该是知道的吧。” “她每次去哪儿，你怎么会第一时间知道？” “我在航空公司有朋友，并且，我猜到了她12306的密码。” ... “其实，她现在已经不大会有意外了。”管隋说，“我只是希望，她在想我的时候，我能第一时间出现在她的面前。” “你这么确定她会想你，她也许会爱上别人呢。” “不会的。我很确信，我们是彼此对的人。我们的现在和以后，都是天意。” 管隋很笃定。 天空已经泛起了鱼肚白，管隋看看时间，说了再见。他要追随Z，一起去黄山。临走之前，他把手机递给我，“Z的写真照。” 我接过看，Z的胸，真的很美。 目送管隋走出清吧，我发了好一会儿呆。前男友，前女友。诱惑、绝望、地狱、天堂。爱情故事无非如此，像是春梦一场。此刻的我，像是在梦中，无法控制内心的惊叹、跌宕、无语、叹息。 然后我给吴晓春打了个电话，“晓春啊，我要谢谢你。” “谢我什么，你知不知道现在几点钟？你知不知道我昨晚上几点睡的？” “谢谢你当年鼓励我追求管大壮啊。” “不是吧西西，你不是后悔死了吗？你爱上管大壮了？” “当然没有，我只是觉得，所有爱情事件或者事故，都是枯燥生活里美丽的偶得。” “什么乱七八糟的……”吴晓春挂断了电话。 我一个人走出清吧，被清晨的第一缕风吹过面颊。路边有狭路逢生的小花，路上有笑靥灿烂的孩子。生活如此枯燥，似乎只能靠日常这些微小的偶得才能感慨生命之美。 而爱情也许就是生命中最美丽的偶得。 后来，我给管隋发过一条短信，“S是Sad（悲伤），Z是Zip（拉链）吗？” “不，”管隋回复我，“S是Study（学习）。她曾经教我体验了爱情的五味杂陈。Z是Zeal（热忱），现在她带我走进生命中真正热烈的美好。”
"Yo, don't understand and refuse?" "Rejection is true love." He glanced at me and said leisurely. Indeed, based on what I know about Guan Sui, he is handsome, has a sweet mouth, and knows how to walk on the left side of the girl, pull out the chair for the girl, hold the roof of the car when opening the car door, and be careful not to touch the girl's head. Such gentleman details , of course the affair came so fast that it couldn't be stopped. "Are any of them under eighteen?" "Of course not. In fact, they are all older than me." "Mature?" "Hey." His smile was ambiguous, and I lowered my head to drink. Guan Sui was also deeply in love with one of the girls. What should have happened and what should not have happened happened. "It's a very strange feeling, as if the soul is not my own. It is completely led by the nose. She wants me to die, and I will die immediately." "Then, why did you get involved with Junior Sister again?" "Oh, it's hard to say." The girl is called S, and the junior sister is called Z.Let's just call it that. In fact, the first thing Guan Sui noticed when he arrived at the internship unit was S.How should I put it, S is the kind of girl who looks weak and weak, and she just joined that company, and her job is to deal with all kinds of trivial matters.Whoever asks her to do anything, she doesn't seem to know how to reject others.Moreover, she has slender eyebrows, thin body, thin body, fair skin, and curly hair, which makes it easy for men to develop a desire for protection. At that time, the man's animal nature that had roared in Guan Sui's body for more than twenty years was eagerly looking for an exit.Before he could find the right time to pursue S, he was dated by another girl from the company. The girl has been working in the company for three years and likes outdoor sports.On weekends, I like to go on a short self-driving tour, ride a bicycle around the lake, go rock climbing, bungee jumping and so on.She said to Guan Sui: Boys must have a sense of adventure, come with me! Guan Sui went.Once there, I didn't go home that day.Straight out camping.The virgin Guan Sui missed all the hints from the girl and failed to hit a home run.Afterwards, the girl became indifferent to him.Guan Sui later thought that the girl probably wanted to play with him, but when she found out that he was not the same kind of person, she stopped clicking. The other girl was matched by the manager of the administrative department, and arranged a date for them on her own initiative.The girl was very shy, and the two spent the whole afternoon together, talking less than a hundred sentences.Basically, Guan Sui was saying: Let's go over there and have a look.What do you want to drink?What are your hobbies?Do you like American dramas? ... It can be said that the relationship between the two of them that afternoon was very discordant.Guan Sui felt all sorts of awkwardness, so he wanted to end the date immediately and go home.But due to the etiquette that a man should have, he persisted until the end. They watched a very boring movie, and when they walked out of the movie theater, the two of them didn't communicate, not even scolding the director and screenwriter.Then, Guan Sui saw S. S stood in the corner of the cinema, wiping tears with the back of his hand.Standing next to her is a large Shrek ornament. Shrek's funny expression and her silent tears turned into a photo that is more touching than a movie poster. It was captured by Guan Sui's eyes. Come down and store in your head. But the girl traveling with Guan Sui didn't find S, and Guan Sui didn't remind her.I always feel that girls who cry like that don't want to be seen by people they know. The girl who sent her on a date took the taxi home, and Guan Sui went back to the movie theater.Going back again, it's okay, S is still standing there, still wiping away tears. "What's wrong with you?" Guan Sui walked over, reached into his pocket, and took out a tissue. "It's okay." S probably didn't expect to meet someone he knew, and felt a little embarrassed. "Are you waiting for someone?" Guan Sui asked her. "No, I'm not waiting for anyone." "Ah, then... shall I take you to blow hair?" Guan Sui didn't know why he was poor at words, and he could say TVB lines like blow hair. "No, you go first. I'll stand for a while and leave." Guan Sui thought, maybe she didn't want to be disturbed. But he couldn't leave immediately.So I walked a little further, found a seat and sat down, waiting for her. After waiting for more than half an hour, another movie ended.It was a love movie, and the couples who watched the movie filed out.How the chaos happened, Guan Sui didn't know.All I saw was that the crowd suddenly formed a circle, and then there were girls screaming. Guan Sui rushed over, and then saw S being thrown to the ground by a girl tearing her hair. Basically, S came to the movie theater to catch the rape, and then went up to beat up the mistress when he saw the mistress, but it turned out that he was no match for him at all.The scumbag looked on eagerly, but he didn't dare to save any of them. The final result was that Guan Sui fished S out like a chicken, stuck it under his armpit, and carried it all the way into the elevator. Until Guan Sui sent S back home, she was still crying and never gave him any explanation. As soon as the door of her house was pushed open, Guan Sui's heart was drunk.It was exactly what he could have imagined his girlfriend's home to be like. S lives alone, and the room is neat and clean.A solo photo of S is hung in the place where you can see it when you enter the door.There is nothing extra on the various table tops, spotless, even the bathroom and kitchen are as clean as a model house. One of the details of the straight tapered tube Sui heart is that S hangs the bag behind the door, and after hanging it, he gently straightens it.Even if she was crying like that, she still wanted to hang the bag upright, which made Guan Sui a little distressed. Hearing this, I interrupted Guan Sui, "Is S a virgin?" "go!" "I mean Virgo, cleanliness and OCD..." "Oh, she's a Scorpio." ... No one has ever told Guan Sui to send the girl home, pour water, watch her drink it, and wait for her to recover, what to do afterwards, so the girl went back to the room to lie down and rest, and he just sat on the sofa in a daze I stayed overnight. In the morning, S got up and was shocked to find him still sitting in the living room. "Are you feeling better?" Guan Sui asked her. "much better." "Well, then I'm leaving." Guan Sui stood up, ready to leave.I always felt that I was embarrassed to leave a girl who was sad late at night, and it was impolite to leave without saying hello, and it was cruel to wake up a person who had finally fallen asleep, so I sat until morning. S was very embarrassed, said a lot of words like thank you, and sent Guan Sui out.As a result, as soon as I opened the door, I saw my boyfriend coming over. It was unclear whether he was here to explain or to ask for an explanation.In short, Guan Sui, who had never fought before, had a fight with him for no reason. So it didn't work out. With a bleeding nose, the boyfriend asked S to leave with a broken diamond ring that he once gave her, and then left, Guan Sui lay on S's sofa with a bruised nose and a swollen face. "Why do you remember so clearly, even the details." I interrupted Guan Sui's narration and asked him. "There are some things that you can't forget even if you want to." S was still wearing the nightdress that he hadn't had time to change that day, and it had a pattern of little strawberries on it.The long-sleeved dress was pure white, with little strawberries on it, and her hair was hanging down. She half-kneeled in front of the sofa, and helped Guan Sui put OK bandage on the scratched part of her neck. "We were so close. I could smell the faint scent of shampoo on her body. Her eyes were downcast and her eyelashes were long, so serious. Fingers were cool on my neck, you know? I was My mind went blank. I felt like I couldn't remember anything. I was a total animal in heat. I just kissed her. "At the beginning, I was pushed by her, pushed hard, she was very hard. I was also very hard, I must kiss her, I will kiss her to death. It is not an exaggeration to say that it was like rape at the beginning. Later, when I looked at her arm, it was indeed bruised." "Beast!" I was actually a little unhappy that Guan Sui told me such ambiguous details.We are also lonely men and widows drinking together, okay, this big night... Facts have proved that I was thinking too much, Guan Sui was completely immersed in memories, and regarded me as a tree hole. And I should obediently make a tree hole. Later, S kept refusing Guan Sui and let him go. "I don't." Guan Sui, who had gone mad, hugged S tightly and didn't let go.Please fill in your brain with all kinds of shameless pictures. In short, Guan Sui fell into a love accident that he couldn't extricate himself from. After that time, Guan Sui and S began a period of ambiguous time. After S officially broke up with her boyfriend, she still couldn't get out of the shadow of her ex.Guan Sui just wanted to melt the ice in S's heart with gentle warmth, hoping that she could forget the unpleasant past as soon as possible and talk about a happy love with him. S has always been cold to Guan Sui.But Guan Sui, who is just in love for the first time, has already fallen in love to the death, thick-skinned, unable to drive away, posting every day. Guan Sui said that what he thinks about every day is how to please her and get close to her.In order to make her laugh, she played cute and ugly in all kinds of ways.No money, but send flowers to her every day.As soon as I woke up in the morning, I ran to her house and went to work with her.Send it back after get off work.All the time outside of working hours, sticking to her, sticking to her.When she was tired of dealing with him, she had no time to be unable to extricate herself from the old relationship. "I don't know how I had so much strength when I was facing her? I couldn't use it up." "Then, how did she fall in love with you?" "Later, she didn't fall in love with me either." ... Under Guan Sui's sarcasm and soft-spoken and gentle offensive, S finally agreed that he would come and live with her. Hearing this, I feel that S is actually not as reserved and resistant as she showed.She was actually willing to be with Guan Sui at that time.Maybe it's just greedy for his tenderness.No girl really hates the enthusiasm a guy has for her.Even if she just wanted to take some of his heat, it was her response. In my opinion, there are many kinds of responses in a relationship.The most rare thing is that the two love each other.The second is love for a long time.The worst thing is that because of greed for each other's heat, they steal in a detour by being together.But no matter how much you get back, your heart towards the other party is still cold. Undoubtedly, what S gave to Guan Sui was the worst kind. Guan Sui spent a period of days with S that he thought were very happy.Perhaps for those who love, being with the one they like is the greatest happiness. Whether S also has such a profound sense of happiness is unknown. Every day the two of them cook, eat, wash dishes, clean up, and watch TV. He sleeps holding her hand and sees her face when he wakes up. "Suddenly there is another meaning in my life. I want to live a good life for the person around me." Guan Sui clinked a glass with me and squeezed out a bitter smile. Summer is coming to an end soon, and in early autumn, Guan Sui will go back to Jiangcheng to study as a graduate student.Because we are not in the same city, we can only separate from S first.Of course, he was sure in his heart that the two of them would not have any grievances because of the different places.He has confidence in himself.But S is obviously a little anxious.Although she still refused to admit that Guan Sui was her boyfriend at that time, she explained curiously about her colleagues' gossip like this: "He chased me very fiercely." Guan Sui invited S to quit his job in Star City and go to Jiang City with him. S refused unequivocally. Guan Sui was extremely reluctant when he left. When they were in different places, the two also had more than a dozen phone calls every day, and kept in touch with each other through text messages and QQ.Guan Sui takes the train to Star City every weekend to see S.Go on Friday night and take the early morning train back to school on Monday.In fact, there are also disadvantages of falling in love late, that is, the passion of more than 20 years was burned in the first relationship. The eighteen martial arts to coax a girlfriend, and the seventy-two changes in emotions, all changes are inseparable, and the girlfriend is God. Moreover, Guan Sui's passion period is longer than others. When Z appeared, it happened to be the time when Guan Sui liked S the most. Z is very lively.It is exactly the opposite character to the quiet S. Z knew that Guan Sui had a girlfriend, and at first he always joked that he was a 24-year-old boyfriend. Z also often helps Guan Sui occupy a seat in the library and helps Guan Sui bring breakfast.When Guan Sui followed his mentor to draw pictures and do projects, Z often even helped Guan Sui prepare hot water and send it downstairs. "How did you know each other?" I interrupted Guan Sui's narration. "One weekend I couldn't get a train ticket to Star City. Z just transferred the ticket online on campus." At that time, you didn't need to see your ID card when you boarded the train. Z originally wanted to go there to see a friend, but later the friend had to go on a business trip, so he gave up.However, several times later, Z and Guan Sui went to Star City together. Z went to see a friend, and Guan Sui went to see S. On the train, Z will prepare two U-shaped pillows, two meals, two comic books, and will take special care of people.The comics are funny and touching, not Guan Sui's style at all, but Z actually cried after watching them.Guan Sui has always been unable to resist a woman's tears, but a softness suddenly appeared in his heart.Of course, this tenderness is also fleeting, just like the confusion and emotion that arise suddenly in many cases. Z has seen S's photo on Guan Sui's cell phone.She said carelessly: "Oh, show me the jade photo of my sister-in-law." Z looked at S's photo, and his mouth was full of compliments. "She is such a girl, a bit like you. She looks carefree, unguarded, and sometimes has heart-to-heart thoughts. She is very enthusiastic, can feel a kind of real sincerity, and is also very...cute." Guan Sui praised Z and me seriously but with reservations. The small restaurant was about to close, so we moved to the nearby Qing Bar. In the Qing bar, I was a little dizzy, leaning on the sofa and squinting my eyes to take a nap.Guan Sui's next story, I was a little confused.Anyway, he was just looking for something to say, not asking for an answer, so I don't need to seriously try to solve the problem. When he was in a long-distance relationship with Guan Sui, S was still deeply trapped in the hurt of the previous relationship and did not get out.When Guan Sui is around, she can pull her. When Guan Sui is not around, she can't control her fall. S first went with the female colleague who likes extreme sports to challenge some things that he never dared to do before.Although she is very persistent, she basically makes a joke every time.That female colleague not only likes extreme sports, but also loves extreme speed emotions.There is no boyfriend, but the "friends with benefits" who are on call are not the same every time. As the number of times increased, it was no surprise to see S, and I was even a little envious of the freedom and ease of female colleagues.Don't talk about love, don't hurt feelings, what a simple relationship between men and women. A female colleague asked if she wanted to introduce someone to S, and S nodded strangely. There are always a few moments in life where the IQ is zero, the brain is blank, and it is impossible to describe the inexplicable stupidity at the time. Meet the boy, go to the hotel, and walk on the way to the room.There were countless moments when she could regret and run away, but she just didn't catch it. S didn't start crying until it was over.The boys who were with me probably didn't think it was interesting, so they left first.Only S was left alone, trapped in the room, and also trapped in the emptiness of regret. Then she called Guan Sui and confessed to him. Guan Sui woke up from a dream in the middle of the night, and S's words were like pouring a basin of ice water on his head, and then his brain went blank, and his IQ became zero. Yes, Guan Sui forgave S like any boy with a fiery first love.After hanging up the phone, he booked the earliest train ticket to Star City online, and waited downstairs at S's house early in the morning, until S came back from the hotel. "The way she looked at that time, you really couldn't get angry. Like a lost little girl, her eyes were swollen from crying." In life, there will always be times when you are hijacked by various desires.More than material desires, more than lust.It's more about greed for inner satisfaction.Of course, this is not wrong.It is human nature to pursue inner satisfaction.But there are many ways to pursue it. Some choose selfishness and cynicism, while others choose forbearance and warmth. Whether what S did was just because of lust, I don't know.But Guan Sui just couldn't control his desire for the satisfaction in his heart when he was with S. He didn't say anything at the time, but just held her in his arms.I cherish it very much, and I am very, very afraid that she will be lost from my life. Afterwards, Guan Sui only said one sentence to S: "From now on, don't do anything to hurt yourself again." After that, he never mentioned this matter again. He didn't mention it, it was restraint, forbearance, and he chose to be warm and tolerant. Say S.After that incident, her attitude towards Guan Sui did change drastically.Become gentle and more dependent.Guan Sui's attitude was probably beyond her expectation.Maybe she suddenly discovered that there are still good men in this world who are different from her ex-boyfriend.And a good man should be cherished.Do your best. The two continued their long-distance relationship, and they were a little cautious about each other, maintaining the superficial happiness and harmony. S also no longer conceals the relationship between the two.The photo taken with Guan Sui was also put on the computer desktop. In this way, another half year passed. "Actually, that was really a happy half a year." Guan Sui said, "Now that I think about it, she is really a woman I have loved with all my heart." "Then why didn't you make it to the end?" "Later, her ex-boyfriend came to her and she cheated again." "No way." Hearing this, I was half sober. After studying for a semester, Guan Sui, together with a few classmates, was taken by the tutor to other places to do projects.It's a month to go. During this period, S reunited with his ex-boyfriend at a friend's birthday party.The ex-boyfriend has returned to being single, and he is very courteous to S, very warm and disgusting.Among so many girls, I still feel that S is the most suitable. At the beginning, S really rejected his ex-boyfriend and hit him hard, but he stuck like a dog's skin plaster.She had other ideas, to play with him—as he had done to himself before—and to shake him off. "Uh..." I really couldn't think of the content of the evaluation. S is so naive, have you watched too many revenge Korean dramas?
But the truth of man's fall is that in that depth, there is temptation. S and his ex-boyfriend are also first love, which means a lot to Scorpio S.Even if the original heart is broken and the Sri Lankan is scum, there will be no thoughts. And reunion is an eternal test for lovers who break up.What's more, S failed to take revenge on him as he planned.Instead, accept him again. S cheated. Unlike the first time, because she didn't care about Guan Sui, she was able to tell the truth.This time, she couldn't bear to control Sui and her ex-boyfriend, so she chose to hide it. Can someone really cheat without being discovered? Remember the girl who had a blind date with Guan Sui?One day, Guan Sui suddenly received a multimedia message from her, opened it, and there was a photo of S and his ex-boyfriend walking down the street holding hands. On the day the MMS message was received, the project that Guan Sui and the others were following was launched. During the launching ceremony, Guan Sui, who was staring at the photos in a daze, was almost killed by a forklift. Guan Sui didn't know why the girl sent that photo to herself so bravely.He didn't think about it at all.But he clearly saw that the future between him and S has changed from bright stills to a snowflake where the TV station's signal has been cut off. This time, he didn't rush to find S immediately, and he didn't even call to ask for an explanation. On the train back to school, Guan Sui asked a classmate for a cigarette.The first time I smoked, I choked badly and felt nauseous. He didn't take the initiative to call S again.After returning to school, he almost turned into a walking dead.But his brain was extraordinarily active.He constantly builds and overthrows the reasons why S and his ex-boyfriend reconciled.He even persuaded himself to understand her for a while, and never blamed her for being harsh on her. A week after the walking dead, Z appeared alive and kicking in Guan Sui's world, "Oh, brother, you're back. Are you going to see S recently? Let's buy train tickets together." "Not going," Guan Sui said, "nor will I go in the future." "broke up?" Guan Sui showed Z the photo. Z was very kind, and comforted Guan Sui, saying that maybe it was an old photo, the two of them had been together after all. "Impossible," Guan Sui replied, "I bought the satchel with her three months ago." "Then maybe they just want to be friends again, not necessarily." Z continued to comfort. "Hehe, can you be friends with an ex-boyfriend who hates so much?" "I will." Z nodded very seriously. Guan Sui continued to walk the dead. S began to call him frequently, the main content is as follows: "Why don't you like calling me anymore? Are you busy? What did you eat today? What I ate was... Do you miss me? Or I will go to see you Well. When will you come and see me?" Guan Sui couldn't imagine that she asked herself what she ate when he couldn't eat and couldn't sleep at night? He doesn't know what to eat.Maybe it's food, maybe it's worry, maybe it's pain. He is like a coward in front of her, afraid to ask her why, when, where to start, will it end? "Actually, later, I thought about it," Guan Sui smoked a cigarette, and said, "Maybe I was giving myself time to digest this matter like I digested the last time. In fact, I still I can't bear to be separated from her, and I still think that we might be able to piece together a future." "It seems that the facts have disappointed you." I sat upright, and it was strange that I always slid down on the sofa as if I had no bones. But Guan Sui couldn't digest the moldy fruit that S handed him in the end. Z took care of Sui and was pitiful, so he stayed with him every day.Eat together, drag him to go for a walk, go to the movies, go to the playground to play video games. Guan Sui has always taken care of S, and being taken care of by Z is actually very passive, let alone touched, and a bit annoying. In the evening, Z grabs Guan Sui and eats and drinks with him. "Get drunk, tomorrow will be sunny again." Z is full of positive energy. I don't know how many men and women have released their loneliness and depression through a drunk.Guan Sui only remembered that he drank too much wine at the barbecue stand, and when he woke up the next day, he was lying naked on the hotel bed. Z sat on the edge of the bed with his face in his hands and looked at him, neatly dressed. But something did happen to them.On the snow-white bed sheet, there is a memorial of Z saying goodbye to being a virgin. "Oh, this is a virgin." I interrupted his narration with a smile. "You really..." Guan Sui glared at me. Guan Sui said that at that time he was already confused. I still remember Z comforting him and saying: "Don't mind, we each took what we needed last night. I won't ask you anything. It's too old-fashioned to be responsible. I'm a new young woman." "A 22-year-old girl who is still a virgin..." "Don't believe me, I even took body portraits!" Z said to Guan Sui very seriously, as if throwing physical evidence at any time to scare you to death. "Nude?" "Chest close-up." Guan Sui nodded, glanced at Z's small breasts under his shirt, and had no choice but to accept her identity as a "new and new young woman" and her concept of "new and new young women". From friends to bed, it is impossible to restore the pure and undivided feeling between friends before.
Before putting on his clothes, a thought broke into Guan Sui's mind. He pulled Z to bed and took a selfie with her with his mobile phone. Before Z could react, Guan Sui sent the photo to S. About five minutes later, S's calls came over and over again like a flood.Guan Sui just refused to answer.When the phone finally stopped shouting stubbornly, Guan Sui also sent the photo of S and his ex-boyfriend holding hands. S never called again. And so they parted.There was no breakup ceremony, no entanglements to the death, no bad words, no false blessings, not even a "goodbye". But the inner turmoil finished everything, even more, even more intense. After breaking up, Guan Sui relaxed a lot.Gradually, I was able to eat and sleep well.It's just that I don't dare to face Z. Of course Z didn't come to him as quickly as before.When the two ran into each other occasionally, they were a little embarrassed for each other. Time passed by, and finally the thorns and embarrassment could be slowly melted away in the gastric juice. Another summer has arrived, and before the arrival of the summer vacation, Z came to see Guan Sui. "Brother, can you play with me?" "Where to." "The world is spinning around." "Just the two of us?" "Yeah, men and women match, and work is not tiring." Z seems to have regained his former enthusiasm. Guan Sui was moved by the fact that he was going to go to the northwest to do a project with his mentor, but it was impossible to move forward due to geological disasters. Their first stop was Chengdu, and during this trip, Guan Sui was taken care of thoroughly and comfortably. Z prepared a lot of things, took the map and guide to find time-honored snacks, went to a special literary bar to listen to people playing tambourines, and bought cheap and unique hotels in group purchases.Then they went to Chongqing again. After staying in Chongqing for two days, the two decided to take a ferry to visit the Three Gorges. "Sorry, there is only one standard room left. Otherwise, you can choose to live in a quadruple room." The travel agency lady said with a smile. "No, no, no." Guan Sui and Z waved their hands together. Then they lived in the standard room together. "Did something happen?" I asked with a smile. "Of course." Guan Sui looked like I had never seen the world. That trip brought a qualitative leap in the relationship between Guan Sui and Z.When seeing Goddess Peak, the tour guide explained Shu Ting's famous poem: "Rather than exhibiting on the cliff for thousands of years, it is better to cry on the shoulder of your lover all night." Guan Sui turned his head and saw that Jing's quiet and serious face was already full of tears.
"I just can't see girls shedding tears." Guan Sui said, "My heart hurts suddenly. It's as if someone suddenly took a tube of blood from my heart." "It hurts, I just fell in love with him." I assumed the attitude of an emotional expert. 后来他们下船参观各种沿途景点，管隋紧紧跟在这个瘦小的女孩旁边。以前跟她在一起，想什么就脱口而出，后来竟然百思不得一个合适的话题。 有一天下雨，景点也少。他们撑着伞在甲板上漫步雨中，管隋突然就觉得这雨可以一直下下去，这甲板可以无限长，只要有Z在身边一起走。然后他就扭头问Z：“我们要不要试着在一起？” “好啊。”Z说，嘴角弯出了很漂亮的弧度。 与Z在一起的时候，管隋亦是喜悦的。这种满足不同于S。女人像书，S是一本虐心小说，读完之后，身心惘然。但Z更像励志心灵鸡汤，读过之后，会与这个世界和解。 后来旅途结束后，管隋送Z回家。Z也是独居。于是管隋就在她家住了几天。 有一次Z在做饭，管隋想找一个适配的手机充电器，却在一个抽屉里看到一个小盒子。打开，让他大为吃惊。里面都是一些他曾经不知道丢去哪儿找也找不到的小玩意儿。一支画图铅笔、用了一半的橡皮、用旧图纸随手折成的书签、太阳镜、被换掉的旧版借阅证、写着自己身份证号码的火车票票根…… 他捧着小盒子去厨房，Z掩饰住了尴尬，笑嘻嘻地对他说：“傻瓜，我喜欢你很久了啊。” “我怎么没看出来。” “这只说明我很有演技。那时你有女朋友的呀，不想让你为难。” “我去看S，你和我一起坐火车去星城，只是为了陪我吧？” “哎呀，星城很好玩的好吧，我几次去都没玩过瘾，以后还得多去几次好好耍耍。” 管隋放下小盒子，把她抱住，很紧很紧，很深很深。最后，饭做了一半，两人就去少儿不宜了。 “说起来，你可能不信。我和Z在一起两年多，只在分手之前见过一次她的裸体。” "impossible!" “是真的。她总是穿着上衣，就算是在不开灯的深夜也是。有一次她洗澡忘带换洗内衣让我给她送，她也是躲在门后面，只留一只手的宽度。我要进去看她，她大喊大叫很生气。是那种真的生气，大意就是，你要是敢进来，我分分钟就弄死你那种。” “娇小的女孩子会弄死你这大汉？” “哪儿有真正怕老婆的男人，小时候我妈就经常喊我爸：管宇宙，你给我过不过来，1、2、3……我爸通常不会等到3就颠颠地跑过去了。我爸也190。我妈才155。他打不过她吗？他俩每次打架，负伤的都是我爸，哭号着说委屈的都是我妈。我爸就给我妈鞠躬：对不起，是我错了。我都看不出来我爸到底错在哪儿，小时候总觉得他窝囊。现在想想，那是他尊重我妈，也尊重我。有一句话不是这样说的吗？一个男人给孩子最好的爱，就是爱他的妈妈。” “好吧好吧。”我连连点头，觉得管大壮还挺感性的。 管隋没有见过Z的身体，但触到过。她的左胸上有一道深浅不一的长疤痕。 “这是什么？”管隋问她，心里有了不祥的预感。 “拉链。”Z回答，“锁心的拉链。” “锁心？你的心怎么了？你不会有心脏病吧。” “傻瓜，把你的心锁进去了啊。” 管隋满腹狐疑，但基本可以确定，那是手术创口留下的疤痕。 Z只好解释说是小时候做过手术，没什么大不了的。现在一切都很好，所以不要再问了。 如果要打破砂锅问到底，Z就会真的生气。 管隋曾经很困惑Z为何要隐瞒自己，讳莫如深。但后来才知道，她只是希望，他们的爱情道路能走得长一些，再长一些。 后来，管隋毕业，留在了江城的设计研究院。初出茅庐，各种人生难题一起袭来。特别忙乱，疲累。也渐渐地不再纠结Z的“拉链”。 他搬去与Z同住，Z照顾他的起居、饮食。可以毫不夸张地说，她像照顾孩子那样照顾他。有时他午夜梦醒恍惚就是Z在给自己掖被子。每天早上起来，Z已经做好了早餐，当天要穿的衣服已经摆在了床上，午餐饭盒放在了玄关。若他赖床，Z就躺在他的旁边，从背后抱过去，“亲爱的，你这么辛苦，今天不去了吧。” 有时他加班，Z还会送餐给他，陪他加班。不管他多晚回去，Z都在等着他。像只等主人回家的小猫，一边打盹儿，一边看着电视。 “现在想想，其实她也很累。她还得上课，却为了照顾我，没有住校。但她从来没有喊过累，总是一副精力充沛的样子。对Z来说，我真的是个很不合格的男朋友。” “你们为什么会分手，是因为她的病吗？”我已经猜到Z也许身患顽疾。 "may be." “后来有一次，我去星城出差……” “等等，你不会去找了S吧。”剧情太狗血，我再次要跳起来。 “我不是去找她……还记得我开始实习的那个单位吗？那家公司与设计院有合作项目，因为我在那儿待过，领导就让我做联络人。” 于是管隋便再次见到了S。她依然做着行政工作，整个人瘦了很多，状态不好。 “看到你过得不好我就放心了。”这句话并不适合管隋当时的心情。说到底，他对S依然有心结，两人都欠对方一个解释。 可现在想想，分开后的两个人，真的需要解释吗？ 管隋便约了S一起吃晚饭。当然，过程并不愉悦。S当然没能和前男友修成正果，也没能报复得了他。 “男人果然没有一个好东西。”晚饭结束后，S的总结。 S离开后，管隋一个人留在座位上发呆。大概半个小时后，S又回来了，问他：“我们是不是真的没可能了？” 管隋点点头，“我有女朋友了。” S哭了。 管隋拉她坐下，十分认真地跟她说：“世界上还是有好男人的。更不要去以'坏'来定义没能走下去的爱人。在我看来，每一份爱情的开始都不是以分手为目的的。没能走下去，是天意。不停恋爱的人，不是花心，只是为了找到更适合自己的人。毕竟，要携手到白头的另一半，并不是那么容易遇见。抓紧时间去让自己更美，更好，不要让生命中属于你的那个人等太久。” “呃……这不是我小说里的一段话吗？”我听出了端倪。 “是啊，其实我一直都在关注你。”管隋笑眯眯地跟我碰杯。我为他的真诚点赞。 就此，他与S之间画上了一个圆满的句号。 结束了星城的工作，管隋立刻返回江城，想尽快见到Z。与S的交谈，让他捋清了内心的脉络，他要与Z一起走完余生。他何其幸运，没那么辗转，就遇上了她。 可是Z并不在家。打她的电话，她说老家有点事儿，要回去两个月。 “什么事儿要两个月，需要我帮忙吗？” “不需要。你照顾好自己就好了。” Z匆匆地挂断了电话。 管隋内心泛起了嘀咕。他不过去星城三天，走的时候还好好的。但工作忙碌，连轴转，他也没时间多想。 Z走后一个月，她打来一个电话，说：“分手吧。” 管隋问：“为什么。” “我在老家相亲了，有一个不错的对象。知根知底。家里人都很满意。他们还是希望我找个离家近的，好照顾。” “骗人，不可能，我不信。” "Sorry." "Come back to me!" “对不起了。”电话那边似乎传来Z压抑的哭声。 电话挂断，只留冰冷的嘟嘟声。 她怎么可以单方面放弃他已经在内心与她达成的约定？她怎么可以在他认定她的时候离开？ 管隋跟领导请了假，跑去了Z的家乡。但却没找到Z。Z的一个亲戚告诉管隋，Z父母在Z上大一那年，出车祸去世了。后来Z便卖掉了家里的几处房产离开，一直都没有回来过。 果然，她在骗他。她要分手的原因，不是什么相亲，是“拉链”。 管隋回到江城后，开始一家医院一家医院地找Z。然后在一间单人病房里，找到了Z。病床前的卡片上写着Z的病是乳腺癌。Z正在做化疗，头发快掉没了。 看见管隋，Z立刻从床上跳下来，掀被子，找帽子。 帽子没找到，被管隋狠狠捉住手骂。 “不要骂我了，”Z说，“我现在已经这么惨了。我现在是个没有乳房的女人了。” 身高一百九十公分的管大壮松开了她的手，蹲在地上号啕大哭。 当天下午，管隋就跟领导请了假。女领导虽然强势，但却支持管隋去照顾Z。更何况，就算是丢了工作，管隋也不想丢了Z。请完假，管隋就去买了钻戒和玫瑰花，然后一路怀揣着紧张与悲壮，准备向Z求婚。 在这之前，他还在群里咨询了损友。我们共同的朋友吴晓春鼓励他带Z去坐热气球，在天空的见证下，向她求婚。他觉得很不错，但鉴于Z现在的身体状况，还是决定保守一点儿比较好。 不出我意料的，Z拒绝了他。甚至把戒指从窗口扔了出去。情绪激烈。 管隋半跪着，一直没有站起来。 “如果你想让我死得快一点儿的话，你就跪着吧。”Z懒得拉他。 “我陪你不行吗？” “我以后没办法生孩子。” “要什么孩子，有你就够了。” “可是我不够，我不要一段感情里有病痛。不要你看到我狼狈的样子。”Z也开始哭。 “不管你什么样子，在我眼里都是好看的。” “这样也好看吗？”Z刷地掀开病号服，粉红色的新伤口在胸下蜿蜒，那是又一个新的拉链。 管隋再次哭了。 后来，是护士进来，以病人不能太激动为由，赶走了管隋。 Z住院了半年，管隋辞了设计院的工作。女领导给了他一张名片，说设计院以后是不好进了，让他做好别的打算。 管隋每天都去医院。Z不太搭理他。管隋倒是和小护士混熟了。小护士说，管隋求婚那天走后，Z猫着腰在窗外找了一下午钻戒。找到后，戴了好一会儿。 “挺大钻的，不少钱吧。” “那是，半年的工资呢。” 小护士还给管隋看了Z的病例。Z第一次治疗乳腺癌时，才二十岁。那年她父母刚去世，她悲伤过度，压力太大，原本只是炎症，拖延治疗后来发展成癌。但是是初期，治疗还算顺利。谁知道后来会复发。 管隋想起Z拍胸部写真的事儿，内心一阵紧缩。 因为Z的拒绝与不合作，管隋只得答应和她分手。于是她变成了他的前女友。但他们还是朋友。 “是你自己说的，你会和前男友成为朋友的。”管隋以此要挟。 Z只好接受了这样一个朋友。 “所以，你现在的身份是她的朋友？”我抹了一把眼泪问。 “是啊。哎呀，小西，你别哭了，你知道我最见不得女孩子掉眼泪。”管隋抽出纸巾来递给我。 “呜呜呜，Z没死吧，我不要Z死。” “她当然没死，活得好好的。”管隋哭笑不得。 “那你们为什么现在还没有在一起？” “她说她喜欢现在的状态，想好好地享受几年人生。但我觉得这也是托辞，她只是怕拖累我吧。” “呜呜呜，Z好傻，你这么壮，她顶多帮你减肥了。”我觉得我的鼻涕已经出来了。 Z出院前，管隋没有再去找工作，而是开了家公司。他找到Z，跟Z说，注册资金需要一百万，老本都拿出来了，还不够，能不能借点儿。Z给了他五十万。 “你太无耻了，竟然骗钱。”我揩干净鼻涕，对管隋怒目而视。 “她的钱，我入了公司股份。我只是觉得，我一定要用一种方式与她继续纠缠下去，如果不是婚姻，不是恋爱，那么是钱也可以。这样，我就有理由见她，一直亏欠她，不让她再因为我的出现有压力。” 还好，管隋的公司现在已经走上了正轨。前任女领导介绍了不少资源和人脉给他。虽然前期很辛苦，但时间却自由许多，让他有时间去与Z继续纠缠。 Z研究生毕业后，管隋邀请她去公司做财务。她不干，说影响她的心情。她现在的工作是做保险设计。Z是法律系毕业的。鉴于自身遭遇，她只想设计出一个真正利民的保险项目，去保护像她这样的人，在疾病到来的时候不那么灰心绝望。 Z出院后依然十分活络热忱。一有时间，就会去旅行。她其实并不在乎去哪里，只是想多了解这个世界。只是无论她去哪里，管隋都会第一时间知道，并跟过来。 “怕她有意外。”管隋说。 “所以，你是跟着她一起来合肥的吗？” "yes." "Does she know?" “表面上是不知道的，但应该是知道的吧。” “她每次去哪儿，你怎么会第一时间知道？” “我在航空公司有朋友，并且，我猜到了她12306的密码。” ... “其实，她现在已经不大会有意外了。”管隋说，“我只是希望，她在想我的时候，我能第一时间出现在她的面前。” “你这么确定她会想你，她也许会爱上别人呢。” “不会的。我很确信，我们是彼此对的人。我们的现在和以后，都是天意。” 管隋很笃定。 天空已经泛起了鱼肚白，管隋看看时间，说了再见。他要追随Z，一起去黄山。临走之前，他把手机递给我，“Z的写真照。” 我接过看，Z的胸，真的很美。 目送管隋走出清吧，我发了好一会儿呆。前男友，前女友。诱惑、绝望、地狱、天堂。爱情故事无非如此，像是春梦一场。此刻的我，像是在梦中，无法控制内心的惊叹、跌宕、无语、叹息。 然后我给吴晓春打了个电话，“晓春啊，我要谢谢你。” “谢我什么，你知不知道现在几点钟？你知不知道我昨晚上几点睡的？” “谢谢你当年鼓励我追求管大壮啊。” “不是吧西西，你不是后悔死了吗？你爱上管大壮了？” “当然没有，我只是觉得，所有爱情事件或者事故，都是枯燥生活里美丽的偶得。” “什么乱七八糟的……”吴晓春挂断了电话。 我一个人走出清吧，被清晨的第一缕风吹过面颊。路边有狭路逢生的小花，路上有笑靥灿烂的孩子。生活如此枯燥，似乎只能靠日常这些微小的偶得才能感慨生命之美。 而爱情也许就是生命中最美丽的偶得。 后来，我给管隋发过一条短信，“S是Sad（悲伤），Z是Zip（拉链）吗？” “不，”管隋回复我，“S是Study（学习）。她曾经教我体验了爱情的五味杂陈。Z是Zeal（热忱），现在她带我走进生命中真正热烈的美好。”