Chapter 12 Chapter Ten Speak Persuasively
As the era enters the 21st century, persuasion has become the key to establishing harmonious interpersonal relationships.Persuasion is an art, and it is a concrete manifestation of a person's comprehensive quality.If you want to persuade someone because of something in daily life, you must master some persuasive skills and rules.
Persuasion is a form of interpersonal influence, which is manifested in the way that the persuader makes the object of persuasion understand and accept his point of view through conversation.When we interact with other people, especially strangers, we have certain goals to achieve.And these purposes more or less require the other party to accept themselves and believe in themselves.Therefore, the art of persuasion is indispensable in communication.
The first principle is to move with emotion.
Successfully approaching the persuaded and making them feel willing to listen to persuasion is the basis for successfully changing other people's attitudes.Humans are rational animals, but they often act irrationally.In a sense, human behavior is influenced by external thoughts or suggestions.For example, in daily life, people will list a certain brand as the best brand without thinking, which is because of the influence of external factors.This tells us that if we want to persuade others, we must be moved with emotion and understand with reason.
To care about others.People all need to be respected and loved, and everyone wants to be respected and loved by others.When people are cared about, they will feel grateful, and it is easy to listen to opinions and suggestions.Persuasion is not suppression. There is a "confrontation theory" in psychology. People like to freely control their own activities, rather than obeying the command of others and being at the mercy of others.Forcing someone to do something can make the other person feel that their autonomy has been compromised and arouse opposing emotions.In view of the existence of this kind of psychology, when persuading others, we should try our best to use a discussion tone to protect the self-esteem of the other party, which is also conducive to achieving good persuasion results.
In addition, when we talk to people, we use language skillfully to create a certain emotional environment, which also helps to persuade others.
The second principle is to eliminate the defensiveness of others.
When dealing with strangers, both parties will have a certain degree of alertness, and this psychological state will affect both parties to communicate freely.Therefore, eliminating the state of alert and letting people relax is the first problem to be solved.When the person you are communicating with has a stubborn opinion, it is often difficult to express your point of view directly. In this case, it is best to take a "detour".
The so-called roundabout tactic is to divert the opponent's attention away from his sensitive issues, make a detour, and then return to the main topic.This can eliminate the other party's wariness and avoid a stalemate.
Carnegie once warned people: "When talking with people, let the other party accept your point of view. Don't discuss the issues that the two parties disagree with first, but emphasize and repeatedly emphasize the things that you agree with. Let the other party say 'yes' right at the beginning. ', rather than asking the other person to say 'no' in the first place."
Psychological research has found that when people say "no", his whole body, including body and spirit, is in a state of obvious contraction, which often makes him reject anyone's opinion.At the same time, when the word "no" is spoken, people are unwilling to repent.Even if he clearly realizes that he has made a mistake, he will find all kinds of reasons to justify himself, and even derogate the other party's point of view. This is a kind of self-esteem.
After understanding this truth, when persuading the other party, try not to let the other party say the word "no", or let him temporarily forget his point of view.Let the other party say "yes" as much as possible. At this time, he is relaxed and easier to accept other people's opinions, at least he will not easily oppose it, but will weigh it first.And once the word "yes" is said, he will not easily deny it.So use this psychological effect to make the other party accept your opinion.
The third principle is to have rigorous logic.
Persuasion is persuasion, not persuasion, and it always needs to be demonstrated by presenting facts and reasoning.The strength of the argument depends largely on the logic of the discourse.Rigorous and powerful logic usually makes the other party unable to refute, and can even play a role in the other party's self-persuasion.
The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates often used logical reductio absurdum to make his students realize the error of the original point of view.He asked some questions for students to talk about their own views, and constantly added questions to induce students to gradually push the wrong premise to the absurd conclusion.Then guide students to follow the correct logical thinking and lead to their own views step by step.This method has aroused the interest of social psychologists, and on this basis, a kind of persuasion technique - logical induction method has gradually been formed.
This method is to clarify the attitude of the other party before persuasion, and then find some facts that are contrary to this attitude and the other party has to admit to ask questions, so that the other party is in a dilemma, or deny your original point of view, Or deny the facts in front of you.Since the facts cannot be denied, you can only change your original point of view.Such logical induction achieves the purpose of persuasion.
"Persuasion" is a common phenomenon in life. People live in this world with different experiences, different personalities, different knowledge, and different majors. The corresponding mentality, interests, work, and behavior are of course also different.
"A thousand readers have a thousand Hamlets in their hearts."On the one hand, it explains the complexity of the artistic image of Hamlet in Shakespeare's plays, and on the other hand, it also explains the differences in cognition between people.Therefore, persuasion has played an important role in people's communication since ancient times. Confucius traveled around the world to talk about rituals, and Su Qin and Zhang Yi joined forces among the seven countries, leaving many good stories through the ages.
As the era enters the 21st century, persuasion has become the key to establishing harmonious interpersonal relationships.Persuasion is an art, and it is a concrete manifestation of a person's comprehensive quality. For example, some authoritative speeches or insights proved by practice, people naturally do not talk about self-convincing, but in daily life, if you want to persuade someone because of something, you must Some persuasion skills and rules must be mastered in order to improve the efficiency of persuasion.As the saying goes, "Know yourself and know your enemy, and you will win every battle." If you want to find the best breakthrough point to persuade others in the fastest time, you can try the following methods:
People with different personalities have different ways of accepting other people's opinions and degrees of sensitivity.Such as: Is it a person with an impatient personality, or a person with a steady personality;Once you understand the other person's personality, you can persuade him in a targeted manner according to his personality characteristics.
A person's strengths are the areas he is most familiar with, understands, and understands most.For example, some people are more familiar with army life, some are more familiar with rural life, some are good at literature and art, some are good at sports, some are good at communication, some are good at calculation, etc.
When persuading someone, start with the other party's strengths.First, you can talk with him; second, in the field he is good at, he is easy to understand when talking about it, so it is easy to persuade him; third, you can use his strengths as a favorable condition for persuading him, such as a A articulate and sociable person can say when assigning him to do sales work: "You have a rare talent in this area than others, and this is the best opportunity to develop your potential ability." It can show the leader's trust in him, and it can also arouse his interest in the new job.
Some people like painting, some people like music, some people like reading books, others like playing chess, raising birds, collecting stamps, calligraphy, writing, etc. Everyone likes to engage in and talk about the things they are most interested in.Starting from here, opening his "talking box", and then persuading him, it will be easier to achieve the purpose of persuasion.
It is by no means accidental that a person insists on an idea, he must have his own reasons, and the reasons he speaks are generally in line with his own interests or human nature.But this is often not what he wants to insist on, but he just doesn't want to admit it, and it's hard to say.If the persuader can really understand his "difficulties", he can solve them in a targeted manner.
Generally speaking, there are three factors that affect the other party's emotions: one is that the other party's mood caused by other things is still in effect before the conversation; the other is that the other party's attention has not been concentrated at the time of the conversation; views and attitudes.Therefore, before starting to persuade, the persuader should try to understand his thoughts and emotions at that time, which is a crucial link for the success or failure of persuasion.
All of these, you have to study carefully before you can take effective persuasion methods in a targeted manner.In addition, there is a lot to learn about each other.Many people are unable to persuade others because they don't study the other party carefully, and don't study how to express it, so they jump to conclusions in a hurry, thinking that they "see through others at a glance".This is like those careless doctors who prescribe medicine without knowing the patient's condition, and of course it will not have good results.
As the saying goes: "A good start is half the battle", this sentence is also true when used in persuasion work.When persuading a person, it is very important for the success of the persuasion to let him not object at the beginning.
When we persuade others, we must learn to create an atmosphere of saying "yes" from the beginning of the conversation, and try to let him say "yes, good, good" and other words of approval instead of letting the other party say "no" Opportunity.There is an inertia in the operation of the human brain and in the process of processing language. Use this inertia to hide a question you want him to answer in a series of questions that can only be answered with "yes", so that you can get what you want. response.
When persuading someone, we want to see the other person as someone who will accept your opinion or agree to do so.For example, "I know you can do this thing well, but you just don't want to do it"; another example: "You will definitely be interested in this question" and so on.Facts have shown that inspiring and encouraging the other party from a positive and active perspective will help the other party improve their self-confidence and accept your opinions happily.
Allison is a marketing executive for an electrical appliance company in the United States.Once, he went to a newly developed customer not long ago and wanted to sell a batch of new motors.When he first arrived at this company, the chief engineer said to him: "Alison, do you expect us to buy more of your motors?"
This sentence confused Alisson. After some understanding, it turned out that the company believed that the motor purchased from Alisson exceeded the normal standard by using it.Allison knew in his heart that it would be of no use to forcefully argue with the chief engineer, so he decided to use a persuasive method to persuade his opponent: that is, he was determined to obtain a series of "yes" responses from the other party and a high attitude of approval. .
After a thorough understanding of the situation, Alisen asked the chief engineer deliberately: "Well, dear sir, I agree with your opinion. If those motors are too hot, don't buy them again, even if you buy them, you should buy them again." Return it, right?"
The chief engineer's reaction was exactly as Alison expected, "Yes!"
"Of course, the electric motor gets hot, but you just don't want it to get hotter than the norm, do you?"
"yes".The chief engineer once again answered "yes" affirmatively.
Then, Arison decided that the time had come and began to discuss specific issues.He then asked, "Isn't it standard for an electric motor to be 72 degrees Fahrenheit hotter than room temperature?"
"Yes," said the chief engineer, "but your products are much hotter than this. The temperature is so high that people can't reach out to touch it. Tell me, isn't that true?"
Since he had enough facts, Arison did not intend to argue with him, but instead asked, "What is the temperature in your workshop?"
The chief engineer considered for a moment and said, "About 75 degrees Fahrenheit."
After listening to the chief engineer's answer, Alison became excited, patted the other person on the shoulder and said, "Great! The temperature in the workshop is 75 degrees Fahrenheit plus the expected 72 degrees Fahrenheit, and the total is about 147 degrees Fahrenheit. If you put your Putting your hands in hot water at 147 degrees Fahrenheit will burn your hands?"
Although the chief engineer was reluctant, he had to nod in agreement.
Allison continued: "Then, don't touch the motor with your hands in the future. Please rest assured that this situation is completely normal."
The negotiation was over, and Alisson successfully persuaded the other party.Eliminated the other party's prejudice against its products, and negotiated a deal.
In fact, the questions that Alisson asked at the beginning were all agreed by the persuaded and the negotiating opponents. In his series of witty and ingenious questions, he got countless "yes" responses from the negotiating opponents.In the process of persuading the other party, saying "yes" at the beginning will make the whole conversation process tend to be positive. This is a necessary psychology for persuading both parties, and it is also easy to be emotionally relaxed, so that the whole persuasion process maintains a harmonious atmosphere. On the contrary, Saying "no" is likely to cause emotional confrontation, which will cause the negotiators' whole body to be tense, and when they gather together, they will form a state of rejection.Therefore, when persuading a person, try not to let him object at the beginning, which is very beneficial to the final success of persuasion.
In many cases, the objective situation and experience remind you that it is very difficult to directly persuade the other party, and there is almost no guarantee of success.At this time, first hide your own motives, and subtly pull the other party into your camp through verbal and psychological offensives, turn your hopes and wishes into the other party's, and persuasion will come naturally.
There is a Mr. Gao who pulls advertising sponsorship, and his performance is particularly outstanding.Someone asked him about his experience, and he said: "I have to meet with the other party to figure out a solution. It won't work on the phone. As long as I meet, I can find out why the other party must accept it." Indeed, Many entrepreneurs who are not easy to sponsor will be persuaded by him when they meet him.
Mr. Gao's method is not complicated: he always tries his best to persuade the other party to meet.After meeting, you don’t mention the business, but start a family life with the other party like a person who has nothing to do, try to make the topic more speculative, and finally, at the right time, say: "You mentioned it like this, it reminds me of... the problem, you What do you think?" In fact, this question was on the mind of Mr. Gao when they first started talking.After the other party expressed his opinion, he continued: "Great! Your opinion is very special, please publicize it to your company according to this opinion!" In this way, under normal circumstances, the other party will agree , because I have already said what I want to promote just now.
In daily life, sometimes we don't have any requirements, but just want to express our opinions, and this method can also be used in this case.For example: "Yes! When you say that, it reminds me of..." or "As you said...", etc., first use the other person's words, and then let them express their own opinions, so that your thoughts can be changed. It's theirs. Once the other party thinks that he is the protagonist, of course he will accept it quickly.
Especially when you want to persuade the other party, this technique is even more important, because if you put it forward directly, the other party will feel oppressed, but if you use the expression method used by the other party, it will be completely different.When talking, even if you are in charge, you should praise the other party from time to time, so that the other party will listen to you more.
This means that to persuade a person, you must first say what you want to say, and then consider the result.Use the wisdom of your language to lure others into your trap, and break through their inner defenses invisibly.It is also equivalent to gaining the upper hand in the competition between two people, which will unknowingly frustrate the opponent's spirit.
Persuading others with confusing goals is to induce the other party to persuade themselves. The characteristic of this method is "surrender without fighting".
In 1945, Franklin Roosevelt was re-elected as President of the United States for the fourth time. A reporter from the "Herald Tribune" went to interview him and asked him to talk about his feelings about being re-elected.Roosevelt did not answer immediately, but offered the reporter a sandwich.The reporter thought it was an honor, so he ate the first sandwich happily.Then the president asked him to eat a second piece.He felt that the hospitality was hard to turn down, so he ate it again.Unexpectedly, the president invited him to eat a third piece.Although already very full, the reporter still managed to eat.Unexpectedly, President Roosevelt said again: "Please eat another piece!" When the reporter heard this, he couldn't laugh or cry, he really couldn't eat any more.Roosevelt saw his thoughts, smiled and said: "Now you don't need to ask me how I feel about my fourth re-election!" Roosevelt used this method to silence the reporter, so as to achieve the purpose of persuasion.
The easiest thing to attract attention, deepen the impression of the other party, and make people not forget it is to show the real thing in front of people.Whether we are proposing or exhorting, letting the facts speak is always the easiest way to move others.
Mitchell was a clerk who received a salary of $10 a week. He later became the chairman of one of the largest banks in the United States.
When he was the director of a securities company, securities salesmen often came to his office to complain that no one was buying securities.Whenever this happened, he never argued, just said, "Put your hat on, let's go out and get something to eat."
So he took the opportunity to lead the complainers to a tall building, and stood at the window to look down.
Mitchell said: "Look carefully, there are 6 million residents there, and their combined income is in the billions. They are waiting for someone to come in there and tell them how to best use their savings. Take a good look. Bar."
In this way, salespeople are almost invariably refreshed.
Mitchell's successful persuasion lies in that he doesn't just use words to encourage those depressed salesmen, but puts everything in front of them, allowing them to listen with their ears, see with their eyes, and analyze the truth of the facts.
The "King of Construction" Hill also used this trick to achieve his extraordinary career: when Hill contracted the bankrupt St. Paul City to the Pacific Coast Railway Company, he urgently needed the support of the big banker Stephen.
Since the railway to be built would extend to the vast and remote grassland, Stephen felt that there was no way to operate the railway in such a desolate place, and he had no interest at all.No matter how hard Hill tried, he still refused to agree to provide bank loans.
Until one day, Hill pulled Stephen onto a train heading west, and when it stopped at the terminal, Stephen changed his mind.
It turned out that a lot of people gathered around the terminal of the train. Since the train ended here, all kinds of transport vehicles crowded the path.
Seeing so many people, Stephen became excited, and he could imagine a scene of emigrating here.At this point, he became very friendly and offered to cooperate with Hill.
We have noticed that when a concept has entered people's hearts for a long time, it is difficult for outsiders to change it with words.At this time, if you want to change a person's prejudice against a matter, you must find the fact that is contrary to his idea, introduce this fact naturally, and when the time is right, explain it, use it, and make it truly your strong evidence .
Years ago, when Mr. Qian, the president of a certain group, met Ms. Fang, the director of new technology, he learned of her concerns: Ms. Fang had just returned from abroad, and because she had no background and was a young woman, she was worried about being discriminated against.In order to dispel Ms. Fang's worries, the president, Mr. Qian, invited three people to accompany him. One was the manager, Ms. Zhang, one was the propaganda department Ms. Zhuang, and the other was the niece of the president's wife.Why invite these three people?Because they all came back from studying abroad.Mr. Qian first introduced the three accompanying guests, and then talked about the company's system, saying that male and female employees have equal status and will not be discriminated against.If the three women were not present and testified with facts, Ms. Fang might not believe Mr. Qian, get rid of her prejudice, and dispel her worries.
In short, the easiest way to win the attention and trust of others is to put the real thing in front of them.For ordinary people, seeing is believing is the most convincing.Try to provide some real objects in the process of persuasion. Smart people often use this method.
Numbers can be the simplest or the most esoteric.Numbers have the most extraordinary persuasive ability, which cannot be ignored. It can give people a real and specific feeling, and let the other party form a clear image in their minds. Especially when using comparative numbers, the effect will be better than simply listing numbers. more obvious.
In your communication, communication, speech and persuasion, if you can use numbers skillfully, you will get twice the result with half the effort.
In 1922, Bella Burzug, a congresswoman from New York, gave a speech calling for equal status for women in political life.
"A few weeks ago, I was in Congress listening to the president address the nation," she said. "There were more than 700 people seated around me. I heard the president say, 'This is the whole of the American government and the cabinet.' I Look around, only 12 of the more than 700 key government officials are women; only 11 of the 435 members of the House of Representatives are women; there are no women in the Cabinet; and there are no women on the Supreme Court."
The contrasting figures she presents illustrate her point.Whether you agree with her views or not, in the face of these hard numbers, you have to admit that there is indeed a serious problem of sexism in political life in this country.
This is the power of numbers.It means hard facts, more convincing than any earnest persuasion.
Are you shocked by the facts listed in some news?If someone told you that some TV programs are very harmful to the body and mind of teenagers, you might nod your head in praise, but do you really pay attention to it?But to tell you those specific numbers, your reaction will be less calm.
"New York Times" published such an article: "Surveys show that from the first grade to the twelfth grade, about 10,000 people actually listen to rock music, which is more than the 12 years they spent in school." The total time is only 500 hours less. Someone did a census, and an average viewer can see 9,000 scenes of sexual behavior from TV programs in a year. There are more violent scenes. Generally, by the time high school students graduate, Watching 22,000 hours of TV, twice as much as they spend in class, can see 18,000 murders in those 22,000 hours..."
These specific harmful results can arouse your attention to this matter more than any general rhetoric!Therefore, no matter what persuasion situation, it is necessary to intersperse some data appropriately.
The following is the admissions notice of a certain key high school, let's see if it has explanatory power.
Our school is a provincial key middle school with strong teaching staff, rigorous and pragmatic school spirit, and elegant campus environment. It is your ideal choice.This year, we plan to enroll 200 students, requiring...
When you read this admissions brochure, do you pay attention to the key points, pragmatism and other things?You either casually tossed it aside, or simply skimmed what the requirements were, but whatever you did, it wasn't going to inspire you to want to get into that school.
Then take a look at the admissions brochure below:
This year, 458 senior high school graduates from our school were admitted to key universities (52 from Tsinghua University and 97 from Peking University), 321 from junior colleges, and the enrollment rate reached 92%. There are 278 senior teachers in our school, of which 152 are Won the title of National Excellent Teacher; the school has the most advanced teaching laboratories and multimedia teaching equipment in the country... Entering this school is equivalent to stepping into Tsinghua University and Peking University.Are you ready?
When you see this admissions brochure, will you still be indifferent?Are you thinking: Maybe, after 3 years, I will be one of the 52 people, even if it is not so smooth, I will at least be one of the 97 people.
Obviously, the second admissions brochure is more convincing.This is the persuasive power of numbers.
From the Yuan Dynasty to the Zhengzheng period, the waterways around Haining were impassable, and military rations could only be transported by manpower. The local people suffered from wars repeatedly, so it was not suitable for requisition.General Dong Boxiao suggested to the imperial court to use soldiers to carry the military rations, but was opposed by some ministers of the imperial court, saying that the country has gone through wars, the army is insufficient, and the sergeants are exhausted.
Dong Boxiao said: "Soldiers can carry food in a day of a hundred miles. The method is: each person is 10 steps away, 36 people are 1 mile, 360 people are 10 miles, and 3600 people are 100 miles. Each person Carry 4 buckets of rice each time, put the rice in a cloth bag, seal it, and pass it from one person to another. People keep walking, and the rice does not touch the ground. Each person walks 500 round trips a day, and the round trip for a single person is 28 miles. , carrying 14 li, walking 14 li with bare hands, can transport 200 shi of rice per day. If each person is supplied with one liter of rice per day, then the grain transported by these 3,600 people for one day can feed 20,000 people 100 miles away for one day. , a single person’s journey is only 28 miles per day, and each time he carries 4 buckets, he only walks 10 steps.
The imperial court adopted this suggestion, which was really simple and efficient.When Dong Boxiao proposed that the soldiers transport the military rations, he was opposed by the minister. He converted this method of rationally using manpower and improving labor efficiency into specific numbers, and this series of numbers was turned into a vivid image through strategic planning—— ——Soldiers lined up for hundreds of miles, passing the military rations like a game.The precise calculation and ingenious operation made it impossible for the opposing ministers to reject this proposal.Dong Boxiao's suggestion of the method of transporting grain in a hundred miles a day, which is ten steps lighter and ten steps heavier, was finally adopted by the court.
In the 1970s, Mr. Shinkichi, known as the overlord of best-selling books in Japan, planned a book titled "Mind Reading", and asked the psychologist Teru Tako to write it.For Duo Huhui, who has never written a book before, this is indeed a hard job.But Mr. Shinkichi ignored this concern, and said in a relaxed tone: "How is it? The topic is not bad, right?! Let's start writing right away. About 300 pages of manuscript paper are enough, and you can write about 5 pages a day!"
The strange thing is that after what he said, Mr. Duohuhui, who had found it very difficult before, suddenly felt that the burden on his shoulders was much lighter, and he felt that it would not be unrealistic to hand over the draft in two months.At first, when I thought about the two months and the 300-page manuscript, I felt a sense of unbearable pressure.But after Mr. Shenji’s lecture on “writing 5 pages a day”, I thought that sometimes when I was rushing to a magazine, I could write more than ten or twenty pages a day, so I immediately felt very relaxed.After actually doing it, I felt that the quota of 5 pages a day was high enough, but since I have already agreed, I can't delay it any longer.
This technique of using numbers is used quite widely in our lives.For example, when renting out office buildings, owners often advertise "only 2 yuan per square meter per day" to attract customers, which is the use of this technique.In fact, to rent these office buildings, the annual rent is very expensive.The client didn't notice the annual rent, and signed the lease agreement under the illusion of a good deal.
Specific figures are the most convincing, and the clearer the figures, the more trustworthy they are.
Everyone is afraid of loss.Social science has confirmed that when people face the same amount of losses and gains, it is the losses that cause them to have greater emotional swings.Therefore, when we persuade others, we must also fully grasp the psychology of the other party.
A senior sales representative said that he often uses this method to promote sales success, which is to tell the customer what kind of trouble or problems he (she) will encounter if he (she) does not buy the product.Or, imply that the client may lose some benefit or benefits.Like the "limited-time promotions" carried out by many merchants, in addition to creating a warm sales atmosphere, the so-called "limited period" actually conveys the meaning of "you cannot enjoy such discounts beyond the time limit" to customers.And consumers are well aware of the meaning conveyed intentionally or unintentionally by merchants, so many consumers will choose to go on "crazy shopping" during holidays or promotional activities launched by enterprises, even if they have to wait in line, they will never get tired of it.
Researchers at the University of California posed as power company employees to investigate.They told a group of users that they could save 50 cents a day through energy savings.Another group of users were told they would lose 50 cents a day if they didn't conserve energy.As a result, among the households who save electricity, the latter is three times more than the former.Notice that in this case the loss is the same as the gain, but the loss-inducing approach is three times more persuasive.
When you understand this, you will no longer have to worry about convincing a colleague who is unwilling to help you with a project. When you say that doing this project is an excellent opportunity to exercise, you must let him know that if you don’t If he joins, what will he lose.For example: "Xiao Wang, if you don't join this project, you will miss a rare opportunity to deal with cutting-edge technologies. In this department, it is difficult to further improve your value. When a new generation replaces old ones, Your position is also in jeopardy, you have no status in the company, and you may even be fired. It is so difficult to find a job now, once you lose your job, how will your life be supported..."
Compared with, "Xiao Wang, if you join this project, you may get more performance, your income will increase, and you will have the hope of being promoted..." If you are a listener, which statement will you be moved by? ?
A professor in the United States, Marjorie Shelley, has done research and found that when the possibility of loss is the same as that of gain, the management of the company will also make decisions out of fear of loss.This tells you that if you have a suggestion that can save the department 100,000 yuan a year once it is adopted, then when recommending this approach to the manager, it is best to tell the manager that if you do not adopt it, you will lose 100,000 yuan. persuasive.
When salespeople communicate and negotiate with customers, they often face objections from customers, because customers generally do not take the initiative to buy, but need to be persuaded by salespeople.How to convince them to make up their minds?Maybe even though the salesperson can talk about the benefits of the product, the customer will not be moved.Faced with this situation, the salesperson must change his strategy, at least not let his persuasion form be too monotonous, and suggest to customers that "if you don't buy our products at this time, you will suffer... loss", it is a kind of An effective way to impress customers.
An interesting survey of consumers shows that when they buy a product, they often worry that they will lose some of the benefits they deserve if they don't buy it at that time.These concerns, 74% of consumers come from the sales staff.
In the daily persuasion process, we should also cleverly use the possible loss as an incentive to grasp the psychology of the other party and increase the weight of our own reasons.
Many people know that using threats can increase persuasion.Experts in persuasion will use all means to figure out the real intentions of the other party. Once they have figured out the cards, they will have the initiative in the negotiation. At this time, how to win is a technical problem.In negotiations, when you are very sure, you might as well threaten the other party.
The famous story of "Tang Ju did not disgrace his mission" in the history of our country used threats to achieve the purpose of persuasion.
During the Warring States Period, the Qin State was the most powerful.Relying on its own strength, it invades and bullies weak countries everywhere.
Once, the King of Qin sent someone to a small country called Anling, and said to Lord Anling: "The Qin State is willing to exchange a radius of 500 miles for Anling."
Lord Anling refused King Qin's request, and offended King Qin because of it.In order to ease the relationship, Lord Anling specially sent Tang Ju, a counselor, to the state of Qin to explain further to the king of Qin.
King Qin didn't expect that a small Anling would dare not agree to his request, so he was very upset.
When Tang Ju paid homage to the King of Qin, he saluted and just sat down, the King of Qin turned sullen and yelled at Tang Ju, "Don't explain any more! Let me ask you, do you know the situation when the emperor is angry?"
Tang Ju was not afraid at all, he replied without showing any weakness: "Your Majesty, I really haven't heard of it."
The King of Qin said in a teaching tone: "Then let me tell you! Once the emperor is angry, he will lay down millions of corpses and bleed for thousands of miles!" After finishing speaking, his eyes were fixed on Tang Ju.
Tang Ju knew in his heart that King Qin was threatening him with war.He was not afraid at all, but suppressed the anger in his heart, and calmly said to King Qin: "Your Majesty, have you ever heard of civilians getting angry?"
The King of Qin said dismissively: "When a commoner gets angry, he just throws off his hat, barefoot, and hits his head on the ground!"
Tang Ju shook his head and said: "This is just ordinary people's anger, not scholars' anger! In the past, when Zhuan Zhu assassinated King Liao of Wu for Prince Wu, a comet hit the moon; when Nie Zheng killed Han Gui for Yan Zhongzi, a white rainbow pierced过太阳；要离刺杀吴王僚的儿子庆忌时，苍鹰扑击殿上。这三位都是布衣之士呀！他们发怒时，上天都降下预兆。今天加上我，就该是第四个人了！布衣之士发起怒来，倒下的虽只两人，流血也不过五步，可是天下人都要穿起丧服啊！现在大概就是时候了吧！”唐雎说完，迅速地拔出藏在身上的短剑，一下子站了起来，瞄着秦王，马上要扑过去。
秦王顿时被吓得变了脸色，赶忙向唐雎道歉：“先生息怒，先生请坐！今日我算是明白了：韩国、魏国之所以灭亡了，安陵却还能存在，正是因为有您这样的先生啊！”
就这样，秦王没敢再提换地的要求，唐雎胜利地完成了任务。唐雎和秦王双方为了说服对方，都使用了威胁的手段。秦王威胁要发动战争，唐雎则威胁要取秦王的性命。对秦王来说，生命是他最大的利益，秦王不会为此事而丧命，而唐雎则抱着必死之心。因此，唐雎的以死相胁迫使秦王屈服，胜利地完成了任务。
归根到底，威胁并不是真正的目的，只是一种手段。威胁不是一种简单的吓唬，应包含下列含意：如果这样或不这样，就会产生那样的后果。在说服的过程中，善意的威胁是有助于成功的。运用此种方法劝说别人，使对方懂得利害关系，产生恐惧感，以增强说服的效力。威胁应该主要放在对于可怕后果的说明上，这样才能起到说服作用。
每个人心中都有一种希望获得别人肯定的欲望，这也是促使人类产生干劲的能源。如果能利用这种心理作用，即使是一些令人提不起精神的琐事，或麻烦的工作，也能激起一个人的干劲。
有一所私立中学，在每年的旅行时，学校总要分一些事情给学生去做，但历年来被选出的学生都没有兴趣，或根本不想去做。直到有一年，学校把这些选出来的学生冠以“旅行委员”的头衔，结果，所有被选出来的学生都非常踊跃地抢着做。事实上，工作的内容完全不变，只是冠上了头衔而已。
头衔的功效，是针对一个人的荣誉感而产生的。法国历史上最伟大的军事家拿破仑就善于运用这种“赋予名号头衔”的方法。拿破仑曾经为他的军队定制了各种荣誉勋章，并颁发了15000个给他的部下，又把18个将军升为“法国元帅”，以及称他的军队为“无敌陆军”的时候，有人批评拿破仑用“玩具”捉弄摆布饱受战争洗礼的老兵，而拿破仑则答道：“人就是被玩具所统领的。”
美国有一家全国性的卡车服务公司，只不过改了一下员工的头衔而已，便大大地提升了他们的服务质量。原来那家公司的管理阶层发现他们所送的货物中有万分之六会送错地方，这使得公司每年要额外赔上25万美元的损失，为此，公司特别聘请了戴明博士去给他们诊疗一番。根据戴明博士的观察，他发现这些送错的案子中大多是因为该公司的司机看错送货契约所致。为了能一劳永逸地消除这样的错误，提高公司的服务品质，戴明博士建议最好把这些工人或司机的头衔改为技术员。
一开始，公司觉得戴明博士的建议有些奇怪，难道把职位头衔改一改就能把问题解决？难道这么简单就可以提高服务水平？可是没有多久绩效就出现了，当那些司机的头衔改为技术员之后不到30天，先前万分之六的错误一下子便下降到了万分之一以下，也就是说，从此那家公司一年可以节省25万美元。
戴明博士的这种头衔赞美法，让员工感受到“我和别人做的工作不大一样”，这样，即使工作的内容没有改变，薪水没有增加，也能使他们产生干劲。
在现代社会里，以“头衔”作为诱导手段的处处可见。一个政治家可能拥有很多头衔，例如他可能是公司的董事长或经理，又是学会的会长，因为拥有很多头衔，往往在竞争中会更有利。
鲁丝·霍普斯金太太是一位中学老师。在开学的第一天，当她看过班上的学生名册后，在对新学期的兴奋和快乐的同时却感到忧虑，原来她班上有一个全校最顽皮的“坏孩子”——汤姆。汤姆三年级的老师，曾不断地向同事或校长抱怨。只要有任何人愿意听，他就会不停地说汤姆的坏话：他不只是恶作剧而已，跟男生打架，逗女生，对老师无礼，在班上扰乱秩序，而且情况好像愈来愈糟。但唯一能让人放心的是，他很快就能学会学校的各门功课，而且非常熟练。
霍普斯金太太决定立刻面对“汤姆问题”。当她见到她的新学生时，她这样说道：“罗丝，你穿的衣服很漂亮；爱丽西亚，我听说你画画很不错……”
当她念到汤姆时，她直视着汤姆，对他说：“汤姆，我知道你是个天生的领导人才，今年我要靠你帮我把这个班变成四年级最好的班。”
在开始的几天里，她一直强调着这一点，夸奖汤姆所做的一切，并评论他的行为正代表着他是一位很好的学生。有了值得奋斗的美名，即使一个9岁大的男孩也不会令她失望。而他真的做到了这些。
戴尔·卡耐基曾说过，如果你希望改变其他人的态度和举止时，请记住这条规则：“给他们一个美名，让他们为此而努力奋斗。”
人们总是喜欢附和比自己优秀的人，或是权威者的意见和判断，尤其是在不太认识的人或不懂的事物前，自己无法判断并下结论时，这种倾向更为明显。这就是心理学上所说的“威望功效”。
有一个心理学家曾做了这样一个实验：他让被实验的人听两种完全相同的音乐带，却告诉被实验者，其中一种知名度不高，另一种屡获评论家的推荐，听完之后，要被实验者说出哪种音乐带较好。结果发现，大多数被实验者的意见都与评论家的意见相同，他们纷纷表示，“两者比较起来，前者似乎毫无价值。”
很显然，这些被实验的人受到了很有名气的音乐评论家意见的影响。
既然“威望功效”的心态渗透到人们的日常生活中，那么我们在说服过程中，就不要遗忘了这一点的利用。例如，你如果想让上司接受你的意见，可以在表达意见后，附带地说，“总经理也是这么说的”。而在说服孩子时，能顺口说一个他所喜欢的运动员或电影明星作为榜样的话，一定会很有效。
对一个病人来说，如果有人劝说他服用某种药物，即使这个人再三证明这种药物有效，并且说了许多药理知识和道理，病人总还是不免心存疑虑的。但如果是一个有声望的医生告诉他，这种药物对他的病很有效。病人一定不会有所顾虑。
人们往往会被“伟大人物”的意见或判断所影响。在今天的社会里，无论发生什么事，报纸或电视都会出现评论家头衔的人的意见。研究表明，当对方听到强有力的、高度可靠的、权威性的材料时，他的固执己见的程度就会大大降低。因此，我们在说服别人时，有必要引用一些具有经典性的材料，以增强自己的说服力。
众所周知，法国是一个盛产葡萄酒的国家，外国的葡萄酒想打进法国市场是极其困难的。经过艰苦的努力后，我国的一位留法研究生李华帮助一家酒厂把中国的葡萄酒打入了法国市场，但是在商讨中国葡萄酒从香港出口的问题时却遇到了些波折。
当时的香港总督是英国人，他说：“按照香港法律规定，土酒要征80%的关税，洋酒要征300%的关税。中国的葡萄酒是洋酒，所以应征300%的关税。”
听了这话，李华暗自盘算一下，如果要交这么重的税，中国葡萄酒的利润将会受到严重损害。what to do?他决定要在“土”与“洋”上下功夫。于是，他不紧不慢地吟出了一首唐诗：“'葡萄美酒夜光杯，欲饮琵琶马上催。醉臣沙场君莫笑，古来征战几人回。'您可能听过这首唐诗吧？我们中国唐朝人就已经能产葡萄酒了。唐朝距今天已有1000多年了，那时中国没有象样的酒厂和大公司，只有酒作坊。也就是说，当时中国造出的葡萄美酒是比较纯粹的土酒，英国和美国生产葡萄酒的历史，恐怕要比中国晚好几个世纪吧？他产的才是真正的洋酒呢！”
一席话虽很客气、委婉，但却从理论根据上驳倒了英国人（香港总督）。后来，他只得承认中国葡萄酒是好酒，只收取了80%的关税。
李华准确地引用了一首唐诗，而且是脍炙人口的唐诗，证明了“中国葡萄酒是土酒”的这个观点。名诗、名言、名句都蕴含着较为丰富的文化内涵，大多被历史所认同。加之人们的崇尚权威、崇尚名望的心理，很容易被引用的“经典”所折服。
理由是说服人的关键，也是根本，因此，我们在说服别人的过程中最具有说服力的方法，就是强调一个最大最关键的理由。
多年以前，拿破仑·希尔曾应邀向俄亥俄州立监狱的服刑人发表演说。他一站上讲台，立刻看到眼前的听众之中有一位是他在十年前就已认识的朋友——D先生，D先生此前是一位成功的商人。
拿破仑演讲完毕后，和D先生见了面，谈了谈，发现他因为伪造文书而被判20年徒刑。听完他的故事之后，拿破仑说：“我要在60天之内，使你离开这里。”
D先生脸上露出苦笑，回答说：“希尔，我很佩服你的精神，但对你的判断力却深感怀疑。你可知道，至少已有20位具有影响力的人士曾经运用他们所知的各种方法，想使我获得释放。但一直没有成功。这是办不到的事。”
大概就是因为他最后的那句话——“这是办不到的事”——向拿破仑提出了挑战，他决定向D先生证明，这是可以办得到的。
拿破仑回到纽约市，请求他的妻子收拾好行李，准备在哥伦布市——俄亥俄州立监狱所在地——停留一段不确定的时间。
拿破仑的脑海中有一项“明确的目标”，这项目标就是要把D先生弄出俄亥俄州立监狱。他从来不曾怀疑能否使D先生获释。他和妻子来到哥伦布市，买了一处高级住宅，像要永久性住下去一样。
第二天，拿破仑前去拜访俄亥俄州州长，向他表明了此行的目的。
拿破仑是这样说的：“州长先生，我这次是来请求你下令把D先生从俄亥俄州立监狱中释放出来。我有充分的理由，请求你释放他。
“我希望你立刻给他自由，为此我准备留在这儿，等待他获得释放，不管要等待多久。
“在服刑的期间，D先生已经在俄亥俄州立监狱中推出一套函授课程，你当然也知道这件事：他已经影响了俄亥俄州立监狱中2518名囚犯中的1728人，他们都参加了这个函授课程。他已经设法请求获得足够的教科书及课程资料，而使得这些囚犯能够跟得上功课。难得的是，他这样做并未花费州政府的一分钱。监狱的典狱长及管理员告诉我说，他一直很小心地遵守监狱的规定。当然了，一个能够影响1700多名囚犯努力学习的人，绝对不会是个坏家伙。
“我来此请求你释放D先生，因为我希望你能指派他担任一所监狱学校的校长，这将可使得美国其余监狱的16万名囚犯获得向善学习的良好机会。
“我准备担负起他出狱后的全部责任。这就是我的要求，但是，在您给我回答之前，我希望您知道，我并不是不明白，如果您将他释放，而且，您又决定竞选连任的话，这可能会使您失去很多选票。”
俄亥俄州州长维克·杜纳海先生紧握住拳头，宽广的下巴显示出坚定的毅力。他说：“如果这就是你对D先生的请求，我将把他释放，即使这样做会使我损失5000张选票，也在所不惜……”
这项说服工作就此轻易完成了，而整个过程费时竟然不超过五分钟。
三天以后，州长签署了赦免状，D先生走出监狱的大铁门，他再度恢复了自由之身。
拿破仑之所以能够成功地说服州长，和他的周密考虑和精心安排是分不开的。拿破仑事前了解到，D先生在狱中行为良好，对1728名囚犯提供了良好的服务。当他创办了世界上第一所监狱函授学校时，他同时也为自己打造了一把打开监狱大门的钥匙。既然如此，其他请求保释D先生的那些人，为何无法获得成功呢？他们之所以失败，主要是因为他们请求州长的理由不充足。他们请求州长赦免D先生时，所用的理由是，他的父母是著名的大人物，或者是说他是大学毕业生，而且也不是什么坏人……他们未能提供给俄亥俄州州长充分的动机，使他能够觉得自己有充分的理由去签署赦免状。
拿破仑在见州长之前，先把所有的事实研究了一遍，并想像如果自己是州长本人，什么样的说辞才最能打动他。拿破仑是以全美国各监狱内的16万名男女囚犯的名义，请求释放D先生的，因为这些囚犯可以享受到D先生所创办的函授学校的利益。他绝口不提他有声名显赫的父母；也不提自己以前和他的友谊；更不提他是值得我们帮助的人——所有这些事情都可被用来作为请求保释他的理由，但和下面这个更大、更有意义的理由比较起来，就显得没有太大的意义。这个更大、更有意义的理由是，他的获释将对另外的16万名囚犯有很大的帮助，因为他获释之后，将使这些囚犯享受到他所创办的这个函授学校的好处。因此，拿破仑靠着这个最大最关键的理由获得了成功。
在现实生活中，经常遇到这样的事：两兄弟本来不大和睦，因为父亲生病，从而恢复了感情；有了专门欺负别人的小孩子出现，原先互不认识的小朋友，反而会很快地亲近起来……俗话说，“团结一致，抵抗外侮”，说的就是这样的情况。本来关系不深、甚至心存反感的双方，一旦面临着“共同的敌人”，就会捐弃成见、携手合作起来。
这个原理也可以运用在说服过程中。在说服对方时，我们可以强调一个共同的敌人，和双方缔结成同盟，从而拉近距离，加强合作。这时候的说服，就变成了内部的说服，消除了心理防御的说服，自然容易达到效果。所谓共同的敌人，不一定是指专人，也可以是某件事、某个项目。譬如在公司里，就可以将某项工作当做“共同的目标”。
据说有一位老科长，遇到手下工作人员之间有矛盾时，从来只有一句话，“工作第一，有什么争论，等工作完了再去说。”
这句话的效果特别好，不仅有道理，而且能解决问题。因为在“工作第一”的大前提下，不论是感情的纠纷也好、反感也罢，这些不良因素都暂时压制下去，而团结一心地对付起工作来。
1000年前，在我国唐朝，围棋名手曾创立了经典的“围棋十诀”，其中有一诀是“势孤取和”，意思就是当自己力量不够，势弱无力和对方抗衡时，最好先和对方和解或先顺着对方的意，不要正面和对方起冲突，宁可屈身等待时机。
说服时也是如此，如果对方的势力比你强，或者情势上不允许你强出头，当对方非常坚持自己的立场时，你最好不要正面反驳，这时，你该意识到，对方是一面墙，是一把剑，你如再正面冲过去，难免有皮肉之伤，甚至造成不可收拾的后果，就是对方拒绝和你再沟通或者彼此形成敌对的状态。
这个时候，你可以先和他站在同一边，强调彼此是为了一个共同的目标，然后再根据他的看法，加上你的建议，“润物无声”式的说服，这么一来，对方就会把剑收回，把墙挪开。
例如，当对方这样说：“虽然我们公司很想买升级电脑，但最重要的是费用上的考虑。”
你就可以回答：“我了解贵公司有费用上的考虑，所以我才会提这样的建议。让贵公司使用升级电脑，不仅处理速度快，还可以搭配更多应用软件，使人事费用和其他业务成本得到大幅度的降低，长期来说，贵公司可以因此省下更多的经费。”
结果对方一听到可以省更多费用，很可能立刻答应签约。
这是一个很典型的案例。这个策略主要是让对方意想不到：我们竟然会同意他的看法，而且居然和他站在同一边。如此一来，对方就很难拒绝和你合作，这是很常用的心理战术之一。
同样的攻心策略，也可以运用在公司内部。每个公司多少都会有比较顽固或激进的员工，这时，身为上司的你就可以对下属说：
“你的意见我非常赞成，我也愿意支持你去做，但是，只要有任何差错，我这个支持者就会失去舞台，甚至要扛下责任，到时候，恐怕没人敢再支持你了。”
这时候，激进的下属一想到会连累你，反而会静下心来反省自己；或者，对自己很有信心的下属，在执行这件你支持他的任务时，会特别小心，以免失去你这个唯一的支持者。
在说服他人时，我们可以巧妙地利用对方的从众心理，制造“同调”行动。如果你想说服他人同意某一项决定，可以先开会讨论，征得大多数人同意以后，再把通过决定的文字资料送给对方：“这是我们全体的意见。”即使他对这项决定并不满意，也只有接受的份儿。因为，在一般情况下，决定事情是以多数人的意见为准的，而要推翻多数人的决定是十分困难的。
20世纪50年代中期，杰出的心理学家所罗门·亚希把一群人邀请到同一个房间。除了一人外，其余的所有人都是亚希安排好的托儿。他们面前画有四条线段，要求指出长度相同的两条。很明显的，第一条线段和最后一条线段的长度是一致的。但是，所有的托儿都得到指令说第一条线段的长度和第三条线段的一样。
现在，请把你自己想象成这名被测验的对象。人人都选择了你认为是错误的那个答案。你的感觉是第一条线段和第四条的长度一致，但是你周围的人都相信第一条线段和第三条的长度一致。
你抵制得了从众的群体压力吗？很少有人能抵制得了。亚希发现，面临这种两难境地的人有百分之七十五都会违背自己的感觉而选择随大流。
商家在销售商品时，为了说服顾客购买，也会有意识地利用人的这种从众心理。
假如你留意电视募捐的节目，你可能很奇怪为什么要花大量的时间和金钱来阅读已捐款者的名单和捐款数额，一方面是公开信息，另一方面也是在告诉你：其他人都捐了——你为什么没有捐？
街头乞丐常常在他们的乞讨盒里放几张数额较大的纸币，以暗示其他施舍者，大钞才是“标准”的。与此类似的是，一些教堂引领人虚报其募捐款额，以引导教徒出多少献金才合适。
人们为什么容易随大流呢？专业人士分析，随大流可以帮助我们克服不安全感。假如我们知道了其他人也作出了同样的决定，那么这个决定的风险似乎就小得多了。
有一位太太对一款新推出的热水器非常感兴趣，她一方面被全新的设计所吸引，另一方面，也质疑新技术的实用程度。销售员反复跟她保证了很多次，她都下不了决心。最后，一位有经验的销售员二话没说，从抽屉取出一份顾客联系册直接塞给她看。那份花名册上大概有数百人吧，那位太太看到已经有这么多人买了，于是打消了疑虑，当场决定买一台。
这位太太的思维过程对于任何一个参加过商务会议的人都不陌生。到底是坚持自己的观点，还是人云亦云与组内的其他人保持一致呢？思考了半天，绝大多数人还是决定保守地随大流。
人们常常会与他们认为是流行的观念同波合流。我们在电视节目中做嘉宾时会跟着哈哈大笑和拍手，即使我们知道最初的掌声是电子模拟而成的。
政府和商家也经常通过民意调查来告诉我们其他人在想些什么，因此而影响我们如何做出反应。这就是利用了从众的力量。
我们在说服别人的过程中，若既不能速战速决迅速找到最佳突破点，又无法正面与其交锋打消耗战，那么不妨绕绕弯，曲线救国，曲径通幽。
清朝著名才子纪晓岚很善于驾驭言语，一次，乾隆皇帝想开个玩笑考验纪晓岚的辩才，便问纪晓岚：
“纪卿，'忠孝'二字作何解释？”
纪晓岚答道：“君要臣死，臣不得不死，是为忠；父要子亡，子不得不亡，是为孝。”
乾隆立刻说：“那好，朕要你现在就去死。”
纪晓岚：“臣领旨。”
乾隆：“你打算怎么个死法？”
纪晓岚：“跳河。”
乾隆：“好吧。”
乾隆当然知道纪晓岚不可能去死，于是静观其变。不一会儿，纪晓岚回到乾隆跟前，乾隆笑道：“纪卿何以未死？”
“我碰到屈原了，他不让我死。”纪晓岚回答。
“此话怎讲？”乾隆疑问道。
“我去到河边，正要往下跳时，屈原从水里向我走来，他说：'晓岚，你此举大错矣想当年楚王昏庸，我才不得不死；可如今皇上如此圣明，你为什么要死呢？你应该回去先问问皇上是不是昏君，如果皇上说他跟当年的楚王一样是个昏君，你再死也不迟啊。'”
乾隆听后，放声大笑，连连称赞道：
“好一个如簧之舌，真不愧为当今的雄辩之才。”
纪晓岚巧用“迂回出击”的技巧，在毫不损害乾隆面子的情况下，点出他的无理之处，一举令他折服。很显然，乾隆是根据纪晓岚提出的“君要臣死，臣不得不死，是为忠”之论叫他去死，此令顺理成章。纪晓岚临阵进退皆无道理，只有迂回出击，方能主动创造契机，指出如果皇上承认自己是昏君，他就去死。而乾隆当然不可能承认自己是昏君，故纪晓岚很自然地也就把自己从“死”中解脱出来，为自己找到了一个充分的不死理由。
公元前265年，赵国的赵太后刚执政不久，秦国便发兵前来进攻。赵国求救于齐国。齐国提出必须以赵太后的小儿子长安君作为人质，才肯发兵相救