Chapter 11 Chapter 9 Questions and Answers Have Their Own Tricks

The basic purpose of asking questions is to resolve doubts and seek information.Asking questions can prompt the other party to think, regulate the other party's speech, and determine the direction of the conversation.Appropriate questions can often control the entire communication process, just like a faucet controls the flow of water, correct and appropriate questions can determine the amount of information you get in this conversation.Therefore, we must use the tool of questioning prudently and appropriately in communication. Answering the other party's question, from the point of view of information theory, is a kind of feedback to the question.In interpersonal communication, one question and one answer is a common form of conversation. Without questions and answers, conversation becomes empty talk.But it does not mean that you should answer whatever the other party asks, and answer whatever the other party asks. Instead, you should make an answer that is most beneficial to you according to the specific situation, and strive to answer well and well.

In daily conversations, both parties in the communication should follow the requirements of the same law, and should not change the topic secretly.But sometimes on certain occasions, in order to achieve the purpose of communication, we have to consciously change the topic. Why is this?There are three reasons: 1. The other party’s question is too sensitive to answer; 2. The original topic does not meet the purpose of the conversation and needs to be changed; 3. The original topic has been fully developed and interest has faded.For these reasons, the conversation cannot go on smoothly without changing the topic. Only by subtly changing the topic can the conversation be turned around, and the conversation will proceed smoothly.

For example, if the three people you lead cannot complete the tasks you assign, you want to confirm this and ask why.You have two methods: one is to call them together and ask: "Is your opinion the same? Why?" The other is to call them one by one and ask: "Does your opinion agree with them? Why?" Before One question is not as good as the next question.Because the former three are together, the inherent herd mentality of human beings will prevent them from telling the truth.Therefore, depending on the occasion, the answer may be different. You can ask children: "How old are you?" It is not appropriate to ask the elderly.Ask a middle-aged man in his forties: "How old are you?" It is better to ask: "Are you in your thirties?" Another example is that you can ask a Chinese: "Where do you work?" Is the income good?" "How many people are there in the family?"... This is an expression of concern and respect for each other.But if you ask an American in this way, it is impolite to inquire about other people's private affairs.In addition, the personality of the person being asked also affects the effect of your questioning, so you must pay attention.For example, some of the interviewees are enthusiastic and straightforward, some are taciturn; some are careless, some are cautious and suspicious; some are arrogant, some are modest;With different personalities and different temperaments, the way you use your questions will of course also change accordingly: either go straight to the point, or attack in a roundabout way, or ask questions openly, or advance tentatively.

In the question-and-answer process, the person who asks the question, the content of the question, the way of asking the question, and even the act of asking the question itself will have a certain impact on the psychology of the person being asked.The person who asks the question must ask the question according to the psychological characteristics of the person being asked, so as to achieve the purpose of the question and receive better results. A reporter interviewed an old lady in the countryside. When they met, they exchanged some pleasantries and said, "Listening to the accent, the lady is from Shandong, she seems to be from Central Shandong, right?"

The aunt laughed when she heard it: "You have really good ears. You are from Yanggu County, Shandong." The reporter asked again: "Yanggu County? Isn't that the place where the hero Wu Song fought tigers? Is there still Jingyanggang?" When the aunt talked about her hometown, she talked even more.She is not restrained anymore, she doesn't treat the reporter as an outsider, chatters about everything, and even pours out the "inside news" of the village without reservation.The reporter completed the interview task very smoothly. People who live in a foreign land love to talk about their hometown.The reporter's question was choosing the "excitement point" to talk about hometown, and immediately asked the "point", which caught the aunt's psychology.This kind of questioning makes the original strangers quickly achieve psychological compatibility and resonance, and also builds a bridge to communicate with each other's hearts.

Questioning is in an active position in communicative activities.When a "question" is raised, it determines whether the other party will say or not, what to say, and how to say it; it also determines the conversation procedure and communication atmosphere between the two parties.So "asking" has a kind of control ability, and the art of questioning also includes this control skill. Answering questions is originally the question's business, but sometimes the questioner can control the other party's answer to a certain extent.For example, Roosevelt held important positions in the Navy before he was elected president of the United States.One day, a friend asked him about the Navy's plan to build a submarine base on a small island in the Caribbean Sea.Roosevelt looked around and asked in a low voice: "Can you keep it secret?" "Of course." "Well," Roosevelt said with a smile, "I can too." This kind of questioning to control the other party's answer has produced very good results.The key to achieving this effect is that Roosevelt took the other party's words and said "I can too", but the other party's words were induced by Roosevelt. Roosevelt's choice of "Can you keep it secret?" It is inevitable to say "can", and this happened to fall into Roosevelt's "trap".

When two people ask and answer, whether the atmosphere is tense or harmonious has a great influence on the communication effect.The communicative atmosphere can be controlled by the questions asked and the manner in which they are asked.Such as interrogating prisoners: "Did you go to the accounting office last night?" "Yes." "One person or several people?" "One person." "What are you going to do?" Steal it." Using the sentence pattern of selective questions and a serious tone, the atmosphere was tense, and the criminal's psychology was put under pressure, which achieved good results.

Sometimes people ask questions not to ask the other party to solve their doubts, but to ask the other party to listen to their own expression. This is a transformation process from asking questions to expressing themselves.There are two ways to control this process. One is the induced questioning method, that is, use a question to induce the other party to say what you want him to say, and then take over the conversation and express what you want to express.For example: On the tram, a gentleman gives up his seat to a wife.The lady sat down without saying a word.The gentleman asked: "Well, what did you say?" "I didn't say anything?" "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you said 'thank you'." The gentleman's question is to draw out his criticism of the woman later , appears to be subtle but not out of proportion.

The other is the step-by-step questioning method, that is, instead of expressing one's own point of view immediately, one asks questions continuously, allowing the other party to give an affirmative answer along one's own thinking, and finally obey one's own thinking.For example, Mencius used this method when he criticized King Xuan of Qi for not being able to govern the country.Mencius asked: "Suppose you have a subject who entrusts his wife, family and children to the care of a friend, and then goes to Chu. When he returns, his wife and children are starving and freezing. What should you do with such a friend?" What about it?" The king replied, "Break him." Mencius said, "If the chief in charge of punishment cannot manage his subordinates, what should we do?" The king replied, "Get rid of him!" Mencius asked again, "If a country If the governance is not good, what should we do?" At this time, Wang had no choice but to "talk about him".Here, if Mencius asked the third question first, it would definitely arouse the anger of King Xuan of Qi.Mencius asked two questions first, inducing King Xuan of Qi to give an affirmative answer, and then raised the final question he wanted to ask, "how to deal with a monarch who can't manage the country", which of course made it impossible for King Xuan of Qi to answer correctly.

What to ask in the question?how to ask?The choice of topic is a key.Japanese psychologist Duo Huhui once said that if you want to make the other party willing to answer, it is better to pick his specialty.In fact, the same is true for asking questions.For example, if a person is good at playing table tennis, you can first ask: "I heard that you are very good at playing table tennis, isn't it?" When serving the ball, you ask questions based on the opponent's strengths, as if you deliberately served a ball that is easy for the opponent to catch.It is in this sense that asking questions can be called a "talking serve."

For example, the waiter in a restaurant asks the customer: "What do you want today?" Instead of asking: "What do you want?" The word "today" is added to this question. Although it seems unintentional, there is actually a great mystery: because His questions seem to regard customers as regular customers, which makes customers warm in their hearts. Questions are divided into right and wrong questions, multiple choice questions, general questions, and special questions according to the sentence structure. When to use which one is used, this is a question of choice.Eggs can be added to the cocoa sold in a coffee shop.The salesperson often asks customers: "Do you want to add eggs?" After asking this way, some customers choose not to add eggs.Later, under the suggestion of an interpersonal relationship expert, the question became: "Sir, do you want to add one egg or two eggs?" "Add eggs" was chosen, resulting in a huge increase in sales. The order of asking questions also plays a very important role in inducing the other party's psychology.For the same question, if the order is changed, the meaning will change drastically, and the result will naturally be quite different.For example, after the war in Japan, many stores wanted to reduce delivery tasks due to the shortage of manpower, but did not want to affect the business reputation of the original promise of home delivery.So some stores changed the question "Do you take it back yourself, or send it back to you?" When it comes to the latter question, most of them answer like this: "I'll take it back by myself." This is because people usually pay attention to what follows when they listen to a conversation, and most people even regard the last sentence of a paragraph or sentence as the last sentence of a sentence. From a conclusive point of view, many people choose the latter approach after hearing this kind of questioning.In this way, the store not only achieves its own purpose, but also does not violate the principle of civilized service. The so-called changing answer is a kind of answering method adopted by the respondent to change the connotation of the answer wittily and subtly when facing someone's hostile or aggressive questioning.This kind of answer can turn offense into defense and turn harm into benefit. In the 1950s, due to the frequent activities of the Taiwan authorities, the situation on both sides of the Taiwan Strait was once tense.At a press conference, a foreign reporter deliberately challenged him: "Excuse me, what is the final measure your government has taken regarding the Taiwan issue?" My diplomat replied calmly: "Your Excellency, please believe that we will finally solve this problem. I am really worried that if the anti-government movement in your country continues to develop, whether your government will be able to maintain the status quo." My diplomat's answer intentionally changed the topic, avoided a direct answer, and brought up the most troublesome question for the other party, making it difficult for the other party to ask further questions, which appeared to be polite and beneficial.At the same time, there was a strong sarcasm in the answer: My own government can hardly maintain the status quo, so we should go back and care about our government's measures!In this way, using offense as a defensive response, without losing dignity, can also overwhelm the opponent from the momentum, allowing oneself to take the initiative. During the "Cultural Revolution", a farmer was sailing a boat in the evening, and a man who looked like a cadre passed by the bridge, and asked vigilantly and politely: "What boat?" The farmer replied calmly, "Cement boat. "The cadre asked again: "What are you doing?" The farmer still replied calmly: "The boat." The people next to him couldn't help laughing.In this dialogue, the questioner's two sentences with a questioning or even interrogative tone were subtly diverted by the answerer, which made the questioner very embarrassed. It stands to reason that the farmers on the boat understood the purpose of the question. The so-called "what kind of boat" was asking what was loaded, not the quality of the boat.But he deliberately diverted to make it difficult for the person who asked to ask again.The so-called "what do you do" is to ask what the sailing boat is doing, rather than knowingly asking whether the boat is sailing or not.The peasants turned away from the "boatman" who did not provide any discourse information, which made the cadre's two questionings twice in vain, which was tantamount to asking in vain.This actually reflected the peasants' dissatisfaction and rejection of certain cadres and policies at that time. The so-called answering is to use rhetoric to make another interpretation of the central content (language) of the other party's speech, and use it as the main content of answering questions.Wang Meng's novels in the new period have a great change in style from his famous work "The New Youth in the Organization Department".When a reader asked him bluntly in a symposium whether you could keep the style of "The New Youth in the Organization Department", he said: "No matter how many well-meaning readers want me to keep the "Organization Department" The style of 'young people', however, this is impossible and unnecessary. Of course, I have been forced to leave the 'organization department' for twenty years, and I am no longer a 'young man'..." This passage skillfully uses the tricks of twisting and punning, and answers all the questions of the readers, such as their own factors, and the inevitability of the development of the matter.In particular, the sentence "I was forced to leave the 'Organization Department'" contains all the pain of being wronged and wronged for more than 20 years, and it also shows that my literary path is developing and changing, and it is impossible to stay in the same place. Stepping forward, never changing.The latter sentence "is no longer a 'young man'" is integrated with the previous sentence, implicitly explaining: because of the passage of time, the great disparity in age, the hardships of the literary road, the maturity of thinking, the sophisticated use of language, and the needs of the times, Innovation and other factors, I should not and it is impossible to maintain the original style, change is natural, but unchanged means retrogression. Speaking and writing, quote famous quotes from celebrities, wise words from philosophers, dialects, folk songs, etc., to support your answers and increase their credibility. After the death of her husband, Emperor Guangwu Liu Xiu's sister (Princess Huyang) fell in love with Song Hong, who was both good-looking and handsome in the court.Once, Liu Xiu summoned Song Hong and asked him with words: "As the saying goes, 'When a person has a high status, he changes his friends; when he is rich, he changes his wife'. Is this human nature?" Song Hong replied. Said: "I heard that 'when a person lives in poverty and has a low status, his friends can't forget, and the first wife can't let her go away'." Liu Xiu used common sayings to test Song Hong, hoping to get Song Hong's sympathy and let him marry Princess Huyang.But Song Hong was a man of high moral character, and he was unmoved; but he could neither ambiguously leave future troubles nor go straight to offend the emperor.Song Hong cleverly quoted ancient sayings, expressing his decisive attitude with tactful words but without evasion. Wrong answer is a method of answering intentionally explaining the content of the answer in the wrong direction.Wrong answer is not the way to answer in scientific debate, but as a language skill, it can very cleverly get rid of unnecessary trouble and entanglement. There is a folk story in Russia: A bear wanted to compete with a human being. It first met a child and asked, "Are you human?" The child said, "I am not human now, but I will be human in the future." When I met an old man, it asked, "Are you a human?" The old man said, "I am not a human now, but I was a human in the past." A wrong answer is different from a typical lie because it is true from a certain point of view, or in a broad sense.In the eyes of children, children are not human; in the eyes of old men, old men are not human; they conform to folk customs and make sense.But strictly speaking it is wrong.People, men and women, old and young, are all human beings.The answers of the old man and the child are full of philosophical appeal but not scientific.In the mist of seeming mistakes and not mistakes, seeming truths and mistakes, idiotic dreams, and confusing, the old bear was fooled. People often encounter questions or dialogues that are rude or deliberately embarrassing. This requires the respondent to use his mind skillfully and do whatever he can. Go back and make it cocoon itself, thus receiving unexpected results. Once, our party cadres debated with the Kuomintang reactionaries. In the face of our righteous eloquence, the other party was at a loss for words.The cadres of our party immediately had an idea, took advantage of the words left behind by the other party, and made plans, and then retorted: "Yes! The cow plays the piano!" "Yes! Niu plays the piano!" The original idiom, through clever use of sentence reading, intercepts the first word of the four characters, and makes the preposition into an affirmative verb, forming a sentence of its own, categorical and unquestionable!And cleverly compared the debates made by the reactionaries who talk nonsense to being like a cow playing a piano.An ingenious answer, containing such a rich connotation, played a severe blow to the enemy and enabled our side to finally win a complete victory.This kind of intuition has an irrefutable logical force. Generally speaking, the respondent should let the interrogator speak clearly before answering.However, in some special cases, as soon as the other party has finished speaking, some kind of secret will be revealed, which is difficult to deal with;Therefore, it is estimated that the content of the other party's question is estimated, and when the other party has not finished speaking, stop the conversation and answer quickly. First, it can divert the attention of other listeners. Second, it can make the interrogator understand something, change the topic, and pave the way. , which is convenient for rounding the field. In the seventh scene of the eight Fujian opera "Hongwu Whiphou", Zhu Yuanzhang and the prince Zhu Biao went to visit the folks in low clothes. Unexpectedly, they were recognized by Chen Junzuo, who was unwilling to be an official and willing to be a commoner, in the hotel. Zhu Yuanzhang: Shopkeeper, take some delicious rice. Shopkeeper: Yes! Chen Junzuo: (hears the sound and realizes) Oh! Zhu Yuanzhang: (see Chen Junzuo) Isn’t Mr. Chen Junzuo from Huaiyang? Chen Junzuo: (leaves seat in a hurry, wants to kneel) Your Excellency... Zhu Yuanzhang: (shortly) Looking for, what are you looking for?Could it be that they are looking for wine and meat! Chen Junzuo: This... Zhu Yuanzhang: We used to be close friends of ordinary people, and now we can relive our old friendship, so why bother to be polite? Chen Junzuo: Could this be too... Zhu Yuanzhang: He is too impolite.Biaoer, this is the Mr. Chen Junzuo I often mention. After Chen Junzuo heard Zhu Yuanzhang's voice, he immediately wanted to perform the ceremony of a monarch and a minister. When he first proclaimed himself a minister according to the custom, Zhu Yuanzhang intercepted the Huatou and used the similar pronunciation of "Xun" and "Chen". He asked him "what are you looking for", and he prevaricated naturally.When Chen Junzuo blurted out, "Is this the prince?" Zhu Yuanzhang cut off the question and answered, saying "Biao'er" was "too impolite", and the word "tai" happened to be the medium to elicit the answer.This answer not only cleverly answered the other party's question - it was "Biao'er (that is, the prince)", but also covered other people's eyes and ears. A vivid metaphor can turn complexity into simplicity, difficulty into simplicity, and abstraction into concreteness.When encountering some difficult questions, or questions that are difficult to express in ordinary language, if you use a popular image metaphor to answer, it will be better than how many words-this is a metaphor answer. In November 1936, the "Seven Gentlemen Incident" occurred in China, which shocked China and the world.Shi Liang, a well-known patriotic democrat, had many arguments in court with judges and prosecutors after his arrest.Among them, regarding the so-called connection between the Seven Gentlemen's telegram and the Xi'an Incident, there is such a dialogue: The prosecutor asked: Your telegram to Zhang Xueliang caused the Xi'an Incident. Shi Liang replied: For example, a knife shop sells knives. People who buy knives may use them to kill people.What the prosecutor meant, is the knife shop responsible for killing someone? If this matter is discussed on a case-by-case basis, it may be a waste of time and unclear.Shi Liang only used a popular metaphor, that is, the relationship between the knife store and the knife buyer to kill people, and solemnly pointed out his point of view: it is equally ridiculous that the person who sent the telegram was responsible for the Xi’an Incident and the knife store was responsible for killing someone. .In this way, it not only points out that the prosecutor's inference that "the telegram you sent to Zhang Xueliang caused the Xi'an Incident" cannot be established, but also satirizes the prosecutor's stupidity and arrogance. It can be seen that the ingenious metaphors and answers are full of wisdom, use simplicity to control complexity, and have the effect of explaining profound things in simple terms. Even the best topic, there are times when interest is low. At this time, you can stop expressing opinions on the original topic and naturally lead to another topic. Teacher Tang from a certain middle school devoted himself to studying Chinese classical literature and published a 200,000-word "History of the Development of Chinese Poetry". A small reporter from the school's literature club went to interview Teacher Tang at his home. Little Reporter: Mr. Tang, your masterpiece "History of Chinese Poetry Development" has met with readers. We would like to ask you to talk about your experience in writing this book, okay? Teacher Tang: (difficult, silent for a moment) It's just a special topic study, not much experience. Little reporter: (looks up at the official script on the wall) Mr. Tang, you wrote this official script, right? (change subject) Teacher Tang: Yes. Little Reporter: Then please talk about the characteristics of Lishu, please? This is the topic that Mr. Tang is interested in and willing to talk about, so Mr. Tang started from "the head of the silkworm and the tail of the goose", and he spoke very carefully, very seriously, and very energetically.In the process of talking about this issue, the two sides enhanced their feelings for each other.At this time, the little reporter said without losing the opportunity: "Mr. Tang, you have studied official script very well. We will ask you to give more guidance in the future, but now we really want to hear how you wrote the book "The History of Chinese Poetry Development"." Yes." At this moment, Teacher Tang felt that the kindness could not be denied, so he had no choice but to introduce it.This not only eased the atmosphere, but also achieved the purpose of the conversation. In the conversation, if you encounter an emergency, you need to interrupt immediately and divert it skillfully.For example: Zhang San was hospitalized with stomach cancer. In order to stabilize the patient's mood, he needed to hide it from the patient.One day, when Zhang San's wife was giving him medicine, his son broke in and asked rashly: "Dad, I heard that your disease is stomach..." The wife immediately interrupted his son and said, "Stomach ulcer, it's okay. This interrupted transfer of the topic cleverly used the word "stomach" in his son's words to divert the sensitive topic of "stomach cancer" and easily lead the disease to "stomach ulcer".This not only prevented the disclosure of the husband's condition, but also let the son know his recklessness, which can be said to kill two birds with one stone. Extending the topic being discussed one step forward, leading to the emergence of new topics.For example: There is such a dialogue in the Shandong Wuyin opera "Wang Xiaochaojiao": Second girl: Who is there in your family? Wang Xiao: There is a sick old lady in my family. Second girl: Is there anyone cooking? Wang Xiao: My mother was healthy before, and it was her who cooked for me; now that she is sick, I have to cook by myself. Second girl: Oh!I mean, do you have a wife? Wang Xiao: I can't support my old lady alone. Who will follow us? Second girl: Shall I secure a matchmaker for you? The above topic transfer process is extended from "who is in the family" to "who cooks", and then extended to "do you have a wife or not", and then extended to "I will guarantee you a matchmaker".The change of topic is like a series of links, which is natural and coherent. As the name suggests, it means deliberately not answering the other party's questions during the conversation, but shifting to other irrelevant questions.This is because during the conversation, it is inconvenient for us to express our views directly on some issues. We want to avoid such issues but do not want to embarrass the other party by interrupting the conversation.At this time, it is very appropriate to use the method of answering the question to change the subject.For example: Section Chief Zhang and Section Chief Li were drinking, and Section Chief Zhang was drunk and said: "Old Li, tell me, was it right for Director Chen to criticize me yesterday? Why can't I increase my salary? Is he deliberately punishing me? Section Chief Li said: "Another incident happened in our ministry, do you know? Xiao Huang wrote an investigation report on the ideological status of rural party members and published it in the "Internal Thought Newsletter" with an editor's note..." Here, Section Chief Li uses the "answering the wrong question". In a conversation, if you want to change your passive situation, you must not blindly entangle yourself in the original topic, but should shift to another topic that is beneficial to you based on a certain point of the original topic.For example: A waiter in a theater suspected that a young man did not buy a ticket, and said, "Comrade, please show the ticket." The young man was dissatisfied because the waiter doubted him.The waiter apologized and still couldn't stop the young men from making noise.The waiter said seriously: "The government has a clear rule that loud noises are not allowed in public places. You have violated the rule, please come out with me." When the topic changed, the young man softened and sat down to watch the play obediently.The waiter also went down the donkey, taught him a few words, and left. The vast majority of words in everyday language are polysemy, for example, the word "old", only the explanation in "Modern Chinese Dictionary" has 17 kinds of meanings, and there are 148 entries starting with the word "old", which gives a lot of trouble. The subject provides a wide range of space.For example: After being introduced by a marriage agency, a pair of older young men and women met for the first time. The comrades in the agency quietly asked the young man on the spot: "What do you think?" Everyone present fell into embarrassment.But the young woman was familiar with the art of conversation, and said with a smile: "This comrade is very frank. He said I was old-fashioned when we met for the first time. It's really rare!" The embarrassing situation was broken.This young woman just changed the old "old" into a mature and experienced "old", using polysemy to cleverly divert the topic. At the farmer's market, a young man shouted loudly: "Long and tender broad beans, come and buy them!" An old woman took a look and said, "Your broad beans are old." The young man said cleverly: "Madam, what do you say?" By the way, my broad beans are much older. I planted more than an acre of land, and they grow very well. They can harvest several thousand catties. If you always buy them from home, let’s pay less and have a higher scale.” So, the auntie Keep your footsteps, and other people also come over.This smart guy just changed the "old" which is opposite to "tender" into "old" which means "extreme" and "very", and connected it with "many" to become "older" which means quantity. The meaning of "older" is to divert from the original topic that is not good for oneself, and to liven up the business. The concepts expressed by many words in everyday language have no clear boundaries and often have a certain degree of ambiguity.Taking advantage of this ambiguity, one can convert certain concepts in the topic into another concept that is similar to it, and divert the original topic. In the 1950s, at a press conference in Beijing, a Chinese government spokesperson introduced the achievements of my country's economic construction and foreign policy, and asked reporters to ask questions.A western reporter stood up and said, "May I ask, Mr. Spokesperson, are there prostitutes in China?" To this malicious question, the spokesperson calmly fixed his eyes on the reporter, pondered for a while, and replied sternly: "There are prostitutes in China." .In Taiwan Province of China." As soon as the words fell, the audience burst into applause.The spokesperson's answer was to replace the superordinate concept of "China" with the subordinate concept of "China's Taiwan Province", which refers to a part, and cleverly diverted from the Western reporters' malicious questions, and safeguarded the country's national integrity. dignity. In modern Chinese, there are many homonyms, with different sounds and different meanings, or similar sounds but different meanings, which are clearly defined in the written language and cannot be confused.Because the conversation is spoken language, meaning is conveyed by sound, and the shape of the word is not seen, there is considerable ambiguity.Taking advantage of this ambiguity, grasping words with homonyms can cleverly divert the topic.Please see the following example: Lu Shiping: (walking to Zhou Ping) You are Ping...why beat my son? Cao Yu: "Thunderstorm" Lu Shiping took advantage of the difference in synonym between "Ping" and "Ping", and changed the topic from recognizing Zhou Ping as her son to asking why Zhou Ping beat someone.Because the pronunciation is the same and the meaning is different, there is only a difference of one word, and the topic is completely changed. Pursuit of novelty and curiosity is a common psychological requirement of people. On the lever of new and old, flat and strange, people's attention is always willing to lean towards the end of new and strange.At least one party is interested in the topic of the conversation. If you can bring up a fresher and more interesting topic and use curiosity, you can attract the interest of the other party and naturally divert the original topic.For example, when a child sees the wedding photos of his parents, he often asks: "Mom, why is I not in this photo?" If you don't want to answer directly, you can change the topic and say: "Weiwei hasn't grown up yet." , When I grow up, I will also wear such beautiful clothes and take colorful photos, okay?" The child will be very happy when he hears this.When a child sees a train, he often asks: "Mom, why does the train run so fast?" This question is unclear, and the child may not be interested in your explanation. It is best to change the topic early and say: " Yes, the train runs really fast! When we take Weiwei to grandma's house in a few days, we will take such a fast train." The child will happily clap his little hands and tell about going to grandma's house.This is because the child is more interested in taking a color photo of her in a beautiful dress than why she is not in the photo, and more interested in going to grandma's house than why the train runs fast.So, attention is drawn, and the topic changes accordingly. Conversations are all carried out in a specific time environment, the scenery in front of you, the people around you, the outdoor weather, the indoor furnishings, the clothing on your body, the objects in your hand, the sound coming from... In short, anyone who can enter the visual, auditory Everything within the range can attract the attention of the talker and can become a topic of conversation at any time, especially when these things change drastically, under strong psychological shocks, they often subconsciously interrupt the conversation to pay attention to what is happening Upheaval, which provides an opportunity to diverge from the original topic and a topic for conversion.The 21st chapter tells a story about Cao Cao and Liu Bei's green plum cooking wine and discussing heroes. Cao pointed to Xuande, then pointed to himself, and said, "Today, the heroes are the only ones, the king and Cao Er!" Xuande was surprised when he heard this, and the tendon of the spoon in his hand fell to the ground unconsciously.When the heavy rain was approaching, there was loud thunder.Xuande calmly bowed his head and stretched his tendons and said: "The power of a shock is even here." Cao Cao said with a smile: "Is your husband also afraid of thunder?" Xuande said: "The sage said that thunder and wind will change, and you are not afraid? "I have lightly covered up the reason why I heard that I lost my muscles.Cao then did not doubt Xuande. After Liu Bei panicked, he cleverly took advantage of the weather changes in front of him, and calmly said, "The power of a shock, even here", easily diverted the topic of who is a hero, and naturally led to the question of whether to be afraid of thunder or not. Cao Cao's discussion diverted Cao Cao's attention, thus saving the day.As the posterity's hymn said: "By cleverly using Wen Lei to cover up, adapt to the situation and believe in it like a god." Speaking is an art of language.Since it is art, we cannot ignore the details.There are many things to pay attention to when speaking in the workplace, such as some things that cannot be said clearly, some things that cannot be said directly, when you need to reject others, you must adopt a clever way, and at the same time learn to listen, and you must speak euphemistically and implicitly.These all belong to the details of talking in the workplace. Only when the details are dealt with can the work be more handy, otherwise it will be a mess.As the saying goes, "Success is in the details, and failure is in the details." In interpersonal communication, we will always encounter some embarrassing things. Sometimes others ask us for something, but we are really powerless. At this time, we have to reject the other party, but the rejection also needs to pay attention to skills.Only by mastering these skills can we not offend others and allow others to accept it with pleasure. Many times, people face many demands from friends, colleagues, clients and supervisors at work.Some requests can be met, but others must be rejected due to company regulations or other reasons.Nobody likes being rejected.Therefore, when you reject others, don't express your position eagerly and directly.Because refusing others directly will affect the future cooperation and getting along between the two parties at the least, and at the worst will make people think that you are not generous enough. In order to minimize the negative effects of rejection, you need to master some speaking skills and uphold the principle of "harmony" with sincerity, so as not to hurt the other party's self-esteem, but also tactfully reject the other party's request. (1) Listen before saying "no" When your peers, clients, or friends come to you with a request, they usually have some trouble or concern on their mind. Listen carefully before saying no.First of all, ask the other party to explain the situation and needs more clearly, so that you know how to help him.Next, show him that you understand his difficulty, as you would if you were in the situation. Listening can make the other person feel respected first, and when you tactfully express your rejection of his position, you can effectively avoid hurting his feelings, and don't let people have the illusion that you are dealing with it. If the reason for your rejection of the other party is that your workload is too heavy, then listening can allow you to clearly define whether the other party's request is your part of the job. Sometimes after listening to the other party's opinion, you will find that assisting him can help you improve your abilities and increase your experience.At this time, under the premise of taking into account the current work, sacrificing a little of your own leisure time to assist the other party will definitely help your career. (2) Be more flexible and caring When you reject the other party, in addition to making alternative suggestions, you also need to take the initiative to care about the other party after a period of time. 有时候，拒绝是一个漫长的过程，对方会不定时地提出同样的要求。若能化被动为主动地关心对方，并让对方了解自己的苦衷与立场，则可以减少拒绝带来的尴尬与负面影响。当双方的情况都得到改善时，就有可能满足对方的要求。 对于业务人员，例如保险业者面对顾客要求自己却无法满足时，这种主动关心对方的技巧尤为重要。 （3）婉转地表达拒绝 你在拒绝对方之前，可以首先倾听对方的要求，以便针对他的情况，建议对方如何取得其他人或组织上适当的支持。若是能提出有效的建议或替代方案，对方一样会感激你，甚至在你的指引下找到更好的解决办法。 当你开始说“不”的时候，态度必须是温和而坚定的。好比同样是药丸，外面裹上糖衣的药就让人容易入口。同样，委婉地表达拒绝也比直接说“不”让人更容易接受。 当对方的要求有悖于公司或部门规定时，可以委婉地表明自己的权限；在自己工作已经排满而爱莫能助时，要让对方清楚你的处境，说明如果耽误工作会对公司与自己产生的不利影响。 若是对方因为你的拒绝而表现出愤怒或作出威胁时，你也不需要立刻响应，而要多用同情心来缓和他的不满与挫折感。 在拒绝别人的过程中，除了掌握一定的技巧外，更需要发自内心的热情与关怀。若只是敷衍了事，就会让人觉得你不是个诚恳的人，对人际关系伤害更大。 当上司委托你做某事时，你要认真加以考虑，看看这件事自己是否能胜任？是否违背自己的道德良心？然后再作决定。 如果只是为了一时的情面，即使是无法做到的事也接受下来，那就表示你的心太软。即使是很照顾你的上司委托你办事，但实在是做不到，你就应果断明确地表明态度，说：“对不起！我不能接受。” 如果你认为这是上司拜托你的事不便拒绝，或因拒绝了会使上司不高兴，从而接受下来，那么，以后你的处境就会更加艰难。如果因畏惧上司报复而勉强答应，答应后又感到懊悔，那就自讨苦吃了。 当上司所说的话有违道理时，你可以断然地拒绝，这样才能真正地保护自己。假若上司欲强迫你接受无理的难题，那么这种上司便不可靠，你更不能接受。 尽管下属隶属于上司，但下属也有他独立的人格，不能什么事都不分善恶是非地服从。倘若你的上司以往曾帮过你很多忙，而今他要委托你做无理或不恰当的事，你更应该毅然地拒绝，这对上司来说是负责的，对自己也是有益的。 此外，限于能力，无论如何努力都做不到的事，也应拒绝。但是有一个前提，即是否真的做不到，应该确实地衡量一下，切不可因怀有恐惧心理而不敢接受。经过多方考虑，提出各种方案后，是否再加上勇气来突破它？认真考虑后，感到实在无法做到，才可拒绝。 当然，拒绝更要讲究方法，如何才能让上司接受你的拒绝呢？一般来说，拒绝上司的要求时，可以运用以下几种方法： （1）触类相喻，委婉拒绝 当上司提出一件让你难以做到的事情时，如果你认为直言答复可能会让上司损失颜面，那么这时你不妨说出一件与此类似的事情，让上司自己感觉到问题确实有难度，从而自动放弃这个要求。 （2）佯装尽力，不了了之 当上司提出某种要求而你又无法满足时，就应设法营造一种让上司感到你已尽全力的感觉，从而让上司自动放弃其要求。 通常情况下，上司对自己提出的要求，总是念念不忘。如果长时间得不到回音，他就会认为你不重视他的问题，而对你产生一种反感、不满的情绪，这样，对你以后的工作和发展是相当不利的。然而，如果你能让上司看到你已尽到最大努力了，即使不能满足上司的要求，他也不会抱怨，甚至会对你心存感激，主动放弃让你为难的要求。 （3）利用他人的掩护说“不” 如果上司要求你做某一件事时，你很想拒绝，可是又说不出口，这时候，你邀请你的两位同事，和你一起到上司那里去，然后你再向上司提出拒绝。 当然，在私下里你们首先应商量好谁是赞成的那一方，谁是反对的那一方，然后在上司面前争论。等到争论过一会儿后，你再出面轻轻地说：“原来如此，那可能太牵强了。”而靠向反对的那一方。 这样一来，你就可避免直接向上司说“不”，就能间接地表明自己的态度。这样，就会给上司以“你们是经过激烈讨论后，绞尽脑汁才下结论”的印象，双方都不会有受到伤害的感觉，从而上司会很自然地自动放弃对你的要求。 如果最近几天公司非常忙，某个员工要请假，或者别的经理想从你的部门暂时借用一名员工，你很可能会不用考虑就回绝：“不行。” 在某些特定场合下，一些平常你可能同意的要求却不得不回绝。 下面这些情况是你非坚持立场不可的例子： （1）不能批准员工休假 通常有两种情况：一是没有按照安排休假计划的规定办事；二是这段时间其他员工正在休假。 如果是第一种情况，就应该让员工知道他没有遵守规定。你应该明确地告诉他：“很抱歉，那个星期是我们盘点存货的时间，一个人也不能缺。你知道，正因如此，咱们公司才规定每年的一月份安排休假。” 当员工的请假要求与别人预先计划好的休假产生冲突时，你要让他知道，在他之前已经有人提出请假的要求，并且你已经批准。按照“先申请先安排”的批假原则，你不能批准他的请求。 （2）要求加薪或升职 当那些特别尽职尽力的员工向你提出加薪或升职的请求时，上司是很难一口就加以拒绝的。尤其是请求者的职位、薪酬早该变了，但因公司现在生意清淡，预算紧缩，或还有其他不利的因素，要说“不行”更是难上加难。 这时，你最好向员工说清楚不能提职或加薪的真实原因，以便获得他的理解。 （3）要求改变上下班时间 当有需要照顾子女、交通不便等客观问题出现时，员工一般都会向上司提出能否改变自己上下班的时间，帮助他们解决实际困难。这时能与员工配合，帮他们渡过暂时的困难当然很好，但现实情况并不一定总能行得通。 如果员工感到你对他的困难漠不关心，他会感到非常失望，甚至可能另谋高就。 如何拒绝员工的这种合乎情理但又不能兑现的请求呢？具体处理时要尽可能灵活，探讨各种可能的办法，这样即便不得不否决员工的请求，你为此所作的努力也有助于消除员工的怨恨。 有些时候，可以准许员工偶尔稍许迟到或提前下班，对上下班时间作些灵活变通，往往可以解决问题。不然，你迟早会发现下属自行其事确定上下班时间。 有时你可准许某个员工提前下班，而有时又不得不否决这类要求，这时一定要跟员工讲清楚真实原因，否则，他们会认为你办事没有原则或偏袒某些人。 （4）要求调到另一部门 如果一个可有可无的人请求调动，那就尽快批准，这样，你也就可以少费心力了。但是如果是你最得力的员工要求调动，而且正逢大忙时节，一时又找不到合适的人顶替时，千万不要断然拒绝，因为那样会打击一个好员工的积极性。 你应该让他好好谈谈请调的具体原因。你会发现促使他调动的原因可能与工作无关，可能是他与某位同事关系紧张，也可能是由于通过调整工作可以解决一些其他的问题，等等，通过交谈，你才会发现问题具体出现在哪里。 如果谈话毫无结果，没有什么能使他改变调动的想法，你只有拒绝。但要尽可能减少由此给他造成的不利影响，尽量给他一线希望。比如，你可以说：“现在不能调，等过两个月再看看有没有机会吧。” 这样做不仅为你赢得了考虑其他可能性的时间，而且在这段时间里，员工请调的想法也可能发生改变。无论如何，要对员工的调动要求表现出关心，这样就可以减轻拒绝对员工造成的伤害。 在交谈中，一般应该遵循有问必答的原则，对对方的提问给予回答。但有时有一些问题确实是不便回答或不必回答的，对这种情况就应当采取适当的方式委婉地拒绝回答。 拒绝实在不是一件容易的事情。如今的世界，拒绝别人不得法，可能失去交情，被人误会，甚至遭人唾骂与仇视。要避免这种事情发生，不妨学几招拒绝的方法，这样就能做到拒绝得法情义在。 （1）默认不答 在交谈中，有时对方提出的问题正中下怀，道出了心中之所想，但由于各种条件限制，不便于明朗地表示态度，说出具体看法，对这样的问题，常常是默认不答，表面上拒绝，实际上是默许。for example: 甲方：阁下的声明是否表示贵国政府对会议的成效有所怀疑？ 乙方：我不这样说，你可以随便解释。 在这一问答中，乙方对会议的成效确实是持怀疑态度，只是出于某种原因不方便说出来。一句“我不这样说”，就是以表面上的拒绝掩盖实际上的默许，无论甲方对问题怎样解释，正确与否，对乙方来说，都不留任何把柄。 （2）推诿搪塞 这种拒绝回答的方法是对提出的问题不作实际性的回答，而是用一些无关紧要的、说也可以不说也可以的话去搪塞。《吕氏春秋·淫辞》里记述了这样一个故事：古时候没有钟表，只能以太阳的方位来确定时间的早晚。楚国的庄伯叫他父亲去看看太阳在什么位置上，他父亲不愿意去，就回答说：“太阳在天上。”庄伯又说：“去看看太阳怎么样了。”他父亲回答说：“正圆着呢。”庄伯着急了，就明确地说：“是让你看看是什么时候了。”他父亲回答：“就是现在这个时候。”这样的回答就是推诿搪塞，对每个问题都作了回答，但都没有任何实际意义，就其实质而言，是拒绝回答。 （3）装聋作哑 在对方提出问题时佯装没有听见，当然就用不着回答了。1945年7月，苏、美、英三国首脑在波茨坦举行会谈。一次会议休息时，美国总统杜鲁门对斯大林说，美国研制成一种威力巨大的炸弹。这是用暗示的方式来试探斯大林对原子弹所持的态度。 斯大林却像没有听见一样，未露出丝毫的异常表情，也没有做出任何回答。以至许多人回忆说，斯大林好象有点聋，没有听清楚。其实，斯大林听得清清楚楚，会后他告诉莫洛托夫说：“应该加快我们工作的进展。”两年后，苏联成功地爆炸了第一颗原子弹，打破了美国的核垄断。 Coincidentally. 1953年6月，年已79岁的英国首相丘吉尔到百慕大参加英、美、法三国会谈。他以自己年事已高为借口，时常装聋，在需要回避的问题上就装作没有听见，不予回答。而在他感兴趣的问题上就与美国总统艾森豪威尔和法国外长皮杜尔讨价还价，使与会者颇感头痛。艾森豪威尔幽默地说：“装聋成了这位首相的一种新的防卫武器。” （4）诙谐幽默 这是在对方提出问题后，机智地以诙谐幽默、玩笑打诨的话语作为遮掩，避开对实质性问题的回答。 某县要举办一次歌咏比赛，一个社会声誉不太好又根本不懂艺术的个体户找到大会主持人说：“我赞助10000元，你安排我当个评委怎样？”大会主持人一拍对方的肩膀说：“老兄，你钱多得没处花了吗？这10000元扔在这个会上，不如扔到河里，还能看到个水漂漂儿。”在一句玩笑打诨的话语掩盖下，避开了对实质性问题的回答，巧妙地拒绝了对方提出的要求。 （5）自言自语 日本著名的社会学教授多湖辉总结出了一条拒绝他人要求的经验：人们碍于面子，推拒话不好正面说出口。如果装作自言自语说出心中所思所想，对方便会知趣而退。美国出版家赫斯特在旧金山办第一张报纸时，著名漫画大师纳斯特为该报创作了一幅漫画，内容是唤起公众来迫使电车公司在电车前面装上保险栏杆，防止意外伤人。然而，纳斯特的这幅漫画完全是失败之作。发表这幅漫画，有损报纸质量；不刊这幅漫画，怎么向纳斯特开口呢？ 当天晚上，赫斯特邀请纳斯特共进晚餐，先对这幅漫画大加赞赏，然后一边喝酒，一边唠叨不休地自言自语：“唉，这里的电车已经伤了好多孩子，多可怜的孩子，这些电车，这些司机简直不像话……这些司机真像魔鬼，瞪着大眼睛，专门搜索着在街上玩的孩子，一见到孩子们就不顾一切地冲上去……”听到这里，纳斯特从座椅上弹跳起来，大声喊道：“我的上帝，赫斯特先生，这才是一幅出色的漫画！我原来寄给你的那幅漫画，请你将它扔入纸篓。” 这里，如果赫斯特直接拒绝刊发纳斯特那幅漫画，一定会伤害纳斯特的自尊，弄得不欢而散。而他利用自言自语方法，流露出内心思想，既使对方自己做出放弃的反应，又不伤和气，保全了面子。 （6）先承后转 开门见山，直截了当式的拒绝，犹如当头一盆冷水，使人难堪，伤人面子。先承后转法，是一种避免正面表述，采用间接地主动出击的技巧，即首先进行诱导，引人入彀，当对方进入角色时，然后话锋一转，制造出“意外”的效果，让对方自动放弃过分的要求。 俄国著名钢琴家鲁宾斯坦，有一次在巴黎举行演奏会，获得巨大成功。有一位贵妇人对他说：“伟大的钢琴家，我真羡慕你的天才，可是票房的票已经卖光了。”鲁宾斯坦手中也没有票，又不愿给演奏举办者增添麻烦，当然不想答应她的要求，但是，他没有直接拒绝，因为直接拒绝攻击性太强，锋芒太露。因此，他采用先承后转法，把拒绝间接化。他平静地答道：“遗憾得很，我手上一张票也没有。不过，在大厅里我有一个座位，如果您高兴……”贵妇人非常兴奋地问道：“那么，这个位置在哪里？” 鲁宾斯坦答道：“不难找——就在钢琴后面。” 这样的座位自然是属于钢琴家自己的。但是，由于这个拒绝是间接的，直接语义上的同意提供座位，让对方心里产生满足感，然后间接暗示“反弹”出座位的虚幻性，使对方的心理预期落空，既风趣幽默，又使人从紧张中得到松弛，很自然地接受你的拒绝。 （7）略地攻心 这种方法的内涵是：了解对方问话的特性和目的，试探对方的心理，然后发动心理攻势，使对方自我否定，放弃不合理的请求。一位语文教师，其弟因民事纠纷，别人要与之对簿公堂，这桩案子恰好由这位语文老师昔日的得意门生接手处理。一天晚上，这位老师前往学生家，希望他能念师生情谊，将手腕往他弟弟这边扳一扳。法官左右为难，一不能枉法，二又不能得罪恩师。法官说：“老师，我从小学到大学毕业，您是我最钦佩的一位语文老师。”老师谦虚地说：“哪里哪里，每个老师都有他的长处。”法官接着说：“您上课抑扬顿挫，声情并茂。尤其是上《葫芦僧乱判葫芦案》那一课，至今想起来记忆犹新。”语文老师很快就进入了角色：“我不仅用嘴在讲，简直用心在讲。薛蟠犯了人命案却逍遥法外，反映了封建官僚官官相护、狼狈为奸的黑暗现实。”“是啊，'护官符'使冯家告了一年的状，竟无人作主，凶犯薛蟠居然逍遥法外……贾雨村徇情枉法，胡乱判案。”法官感叹地说：“记得当年老师您讲授完这一课后，告诫学生们，以后谁做了法官，不要做'糊涂官'，更不要判'糊涂案'，学生一直以您这句话作为自己的座右铭呢。”这位语文老师本来已设计好了一大套说辞，但听了学生的一席话，再也不好意思开口了，自动放弃了不合理的请求。 （8）反口诘问 有些问话，不便于答复，这时你不妨顺其话题反口诘问，诱引对方自己去说，从而达到拒绝的目的。 我国前足球教练高丰文，某年五月率队南下，在与香港队大战前夕，香港记者想探听“军情”，便向高丰文提问：“你将怎样对待香港队惯用的打法？”拒绝回答这一问题，似乎不够礼貌；要是回答，又近乎“泄密”。what to do?高丰文采用了反口诘问法。他镇静地反问道：“你说香港队的惯用打法是什么呢？”这个记者冷不防被问住了，只得改口退守：“大概是防守反击吧。”高丰文立刻补上一句：“我不是郭家明（香港队教练），我不知道他如何布阵。但不管香港队怎样变化，我们都一样准备。”答语坦率而自信，机灵而礼貌。 （9）巧妙闪避 有些问题，正面回答很难讲清楚，那就不妨巧妙地避开话锋，说说另一些相关内容，通过旁敲侧击，引导听话人深思，在思考中自求答案。如有位青年问刘吉：“有人说留长发、蓄胡子是精神污染，你也这样看吗？”刘答道：“一个民族有一个民族的风俗习惯。马克思和恩格斯不仅头发长，胡子也长，可他们是共产党的老祖宗（大笑，鼓掌）。毛主席和周总理头发不长，胡子也没留，他们同样是我们尊敬和热爱的导师。”刘吉讲了两种情况，让提问者思考。巧妙的闪避，圆满解决了几句话很难解答清楚的问题。闪避成功的关键，是找准闪避的方向。一般是寻找可以类比的事例进行闪避。 （10）相反应对 在拒绝对方的问题时，采取撇开问题的策略，不从正面回答他人的提问，而是处处从问题的反面来应答。这样可以避开不必要的正面阐述，出奇制胜，掌握主动，令对方的愿望处处落空。 武宝信领导育青厂职工经过艰苦奋斗，大胆创新，成功地研制出了“粉刺露”，于是，很多厂家要买他的配方，而且一开价就是五位数，但都被他拒绝了。 有一位外商死命缠住他不放，百般劝说和引诱他，并愿出20万美元买下配方。 武宝信嘴里蹦出一个字：“不。” “科学是没有国界的呀。”外商劝诱道。 “可学者有他自己的祖国。” “美元不方便，我可以兑换成人民币给您送来。”对方仍不死心。 “我的方子可不是那么便宜。”武宝信说。 “武先生是嫌钱少？”外商眼里闪出希望之光。 “不，我是说，世界上能用钱买到的东西都是便宜的。我的配方金钱买不走。我要留给我的国家。” 以上述两人的对话来分析，外商说：“科学是没有国界的呀。”武宝信若是沿着外商的思路正面作答，必然要谈谈自己对“科学到底有没有国界”这一问题的看法。而外商说的这句话并没有错，有一定的道理，但若直接作答，不免入其彀中。于是他话锋一转，从反面作答：“可学者有他自己的祖国！”入情入理，简单干脆，一下就把对方的话顶回去了。 运用相反应对法，关键在于头脑里要多一些唯物辩证法，事事来个一分为二。因为任何问