Chapter 10 Chapter Eight Praise and Criticism Just Right

In ancient times, there was a lobbyist who boasted in public: "Although the villain is not talented, he is very flattering. I have a wish in my life, to wear 1,000 high hats to the first 1,000 people I meet, and now I have given away 999 hats. There is only the last one left." An elder shook his head and said, "I just don't believe it, your last one can't be put on my head by any means." Hearing this, the lobbyist clasped his hands and said: "What you said is very true. I have lived from south to north for most of my life, but there is no one who is as upright as him and who doesn't like flattery!" The elder immediately held his beard and said complacently: "You You can be regarded as someone who understands me!" Hearing this, the lobbyist immediately laughed: "Congratulations, I just gave you my last hat."

It's just a joke, but it has a deep meaning.In addition to the wit of the lobbyist, it also contains the truth that people cannot refuse praise. Appropriately complimenting others is essential to building good relationships.Each of us wants to be admired by others. In fact, we spend a lot of energy hoping to be appreciated by others, but there are not many people around who fully understand what we say and do, and we rarely comment. The things we like to say and do that happen around us.This is really surprising, because it is very easy to show appreciation and it costs nothing, but the rewards you get after complimenting others are many.

Everyone likes to be complimented.A well-known American social activist once put forward a principle: "Give people a good name." If you can satisfy the ego of others with sincere respect and sincere praise, then others may become more pleasant, reasonable, and more sympathetic. Willing to work together. If you don't judge the situation and master certain skills when praising others, even if you are sincere, you will turn a good thing into a bad thing.Therefore, the following rules must be followed before speaking: Many people are prone to make a serious mistake when complimenting others: discounting the compliment before sending it.Instead of giving 100% appreciation, add a few downbeat comments or words that undercut the appreciation.

Especially those praises for outstanding achievements are always "tied" with criticism.The more outstanding the achievement, the more people feel obliged to "comment" it rather than just praise it.They can't bear to sing only praises, and they must pick out some shortcomings before giving up. Others mistakenly view complimenting others as an opportunity for self-expression.They think that they can prove their "critical thinking ability" through discounted praise, so that they can also stand out and show their rationality and level.For example, they say, "You've been successful all your life. But once, during the financial turmoil, your company was having a hard time, but then again, no one is perfect..."

Any discounted appreciation will also have flaws, which will have unnecessary negative effects. It is like a black stain on a white table-cloth, which distracts people from the point and calls for blame.It destroys the role of appreciation, and wipes out the original liking of the appreciated party. Instead, the criticism of a few "extra collocations" makes people unforgettable. When complimenting others, please don't mention trivial details that will discount the appreciation.Please focus on the theme of appreciation, and mainly talk about the other party's achievements. Without pointing out too much, there may have been some outside factors that made this success easy.For example: "This is indeed a gratifying achievement, but the conditions in all aspects are so favorable, how can I achieve good results..."

Also beware of another misconception that discounted appreciation is more authentic and carries more weight. Don't be smart enough to tell your companions what to do better, even if it is a small matter in life.For example: "The dishes you cook taste really good, everything is good, but the salt in the soup is a little too much..." This kind of discount not only destroys the effect of praise, but also may become the fuse of heated debate. Sometimes you have to do a comprehensive summary and critique of a piece of work, so that appreciation and criticism are inevitably linked.

In this case, you don't need to discount the excellent grades. Please treat the criticism in the summary as a separate part from the appreciation. Don't let the other person's modesty undercut the appreciation.Some people rarely receive praise, so they are overwhelmed when they are praised; others, when they receive praise, want to show that achieving excellent grades is routine for him.The two groups respond almost identically to compliments: "It's nothing special, it's the way it should be, it's my job." When you hear this kind of answer from the other party, don't keep silent. The silence at this time means that you agree with what he said, as if you were saying to him: "Yes, you are right, why should I praise you? I take back what I just said. if."

You should compliment him again, emphasizing what you think is admirable, and please repeat what aspects of his performance are particularly important to you, and why you think he excelled. We should not praise all people in the same way, even for the same reasons.Don't go looking for a "praise panacea" that works for everyone, anytime, anywhere, it doesn't exist.Avoid leaving a bad impression on the other party that "this person tells the same thing to everyone". In a party, you must not repeat what you just praised one of them not long ago, and then compliment others again.Still think carefully about what makes each companion stand out compared to others, so that you can tailor your measures to the individual and praise others appropriately.

Another thing to watch out for is not to burst into praise.Your compliments to others should be related to the topic you are talking about. Please pay attention to when you use something as an introduction to start complimenting the other party.A topic mentioned by the other party, an experience he told, or a certain number he listed, or a reason he explained to you, can all be used as an introduction. If he doesn't give you such an opportunity, you should "compose" a suitable "appreciation prelude" yourself, so that the other party will not feel that the praise comes too suddenly.May wish to start with a humble and polite sentence:

"With all due respect, I want to tell you..." "I often wonder if I can say something about you..." This "prelude" also has two functions: one is to arouse the attention of the listener, and the other is to make your praise more sincere and cordial. No one dislikes receiving compliments, but one of the more effective forms of compliments is indirect compliments, because direct compliments sound like "flattery", while indirect compliments feel more real. The so-called indirect praise is to use the words of a third party to praise the other party, which is often much better than direct praise.For example, when you meet someone, say to him: "I talked to someone about you two days ago, and he admired you very much." Whether it is true or not, his gratitude to you will definitely exceed yours. Imagine how much more grateful he would be to you if that person happened to be someone he respected.

Another way of indirect praise is to praise the person when he is not there, which is sometimes more effective than face-to-face praise.If the praise behind it is conveyed to the person, it will not only serve as an incentive, but also make the person being praised feel that your praise to him is sincere, and the effect of the praise can be enhanced. Appropriately complimenting others can bring comfort and improve our relationships.In communication, you must master the skills of complimenting others in order to achieve the purpose of communication and make others like you. People always like to be flattered by others.Sometimes, even if you know that the other party is speaking flattery, you will still feel complacent in your heart. This is the weakness of human nature.When a person is praised by others, he will never feel disgusted, unless the other party's words are too outrageous. In this society, people who can speak flattery seem to be more popular.When a person hears other people's flattery, he is always very happy in his heart, with a smile on his face, and he keeps saying: "Where, I'm not that good", "You are really good at talking"!Even if I calmly recalled it afterwards, knowing that what the other party said was flattery, I still couldn't erase the joy in my heart.Therefore, speaking flattery is an essential skill in communicating with people, and speaking flattery properly will make you more likable.The first condition for flattering others is to have a sincere and serious attitude.Words will reflect a person's psychology, so inadvertent or careless speech can easily be seen through by the other party, resulting in unpleasant feelings.When flattering others, don't say anything that is far from the truth.For example, how would you feel if you saw a child with a blank expression and said to his mother, "Your baby looks smart!"What was meant to be flattery turned into a great irony, which had the opposite effect.It will be better if you say, "Oh! Your little one seems to be healthy." Therefore, you must be honest when flattering others. In this way, the flattery you say will become a real compliment to others. The other party will listen to it and feel naturally different from ordinary flattery. In life, praise can not only improve interpersonal relationships, but also change a person's mental outlook and emotional world.The process of praise is a process of communication.Through praise, you get the appreciation and respect of the other party, and you enjoy self-esteem, success and happiness, and your mental outlook is like sesame seeds blooming, full of vitality. In addition, "people are not sages, who can be without fault?" But how to point out this "fault" is also an art.Be strategic when criticizing others.It is very stupid to speak out on impulse.We need both sincere praise and well-intentioned criticism. There was once a popular saying that "praise can make the weak body strong, give peace and trust to the fearful heart, rest and strength the injured nerves, and give strength to people in adversity." The determination to succeed." Experimental psychology research on rewards and punishments also shows that behavior after being praised is more reasonable and effective than behavior after being reprimanded.Why praise works to improve animals and humans is not fully understood scientifically.Praise does, however, unleash a certain energy in animals and humans. If you encourage and encourage the other party through sincere praise, then the other party—whether it is children, wives, husbands, or subordinates, bosses, employees, etc. will naturally show a friendly and cooperative attitude.Praise is to the heart, as sunshine is to all things.We all need praise in our lives.This is out of human self-esteem needs.I often hear sincere praise; I feel that my own value has been affirmed by the society, which helps to enhance self-esteem and self-confidence. The most effective compliment is not "icing on the cake" but "giving help in the snow".Those who need to be praised the most are not those who have long been famous all over the world, but those "white swans" who have a strong sense of inferiority and are mistaken for "ugly ducklings".It is difficult for them to hear a compliment at ordinary times. Once they are praised sincerely in public, their dignity may be revived, their self-esteem and self-confidence will be doubled, and their mental outlook will be completely renewed.What is most commendable in any man should not be his obvious strengths that are already well known, but those hidden in him that have not been noticed.This kind of praise opened up a new field for further developing his latent wisdom and strength, and helped him to reach a higher level in his journey to climb the peak of his career. The effect of praise is to play it by ear, stop when it is enough, and truly achieve "after drinking fine wine until you are slightly drunk, and when you see good flowers half-bloomed". As a husband, when you walk into the house after get off work and see your wife has prepared dinner for you, you just have to look at her affectionately and say, "I'm hungry when I see the food on the table", and she will be delighted.If you just say "You came back really early today" after you are full of wine and food, the effect at this time is already an umbrella after the rain. Can she still feel the family affection you had at that time? Appropriate praise has infinite mysteries, and "knowledge" is an important rule. The essence of "knowledge" is to grasp the essence of things and things that are praised, not to speak layman's terms, and to make others sound skilled and experienced.Many people often make the mistake of laymen, saying everything they see is good, and everyone they see is high. It hits the nail on the head and lacks strength. To be an expert praiser, you must have professional knowledge.As the saying goes: "Interlacing lines is like a mountain." In modern society, the professional division of labor is very detailed, and each major is relatively independent, forming a relatively closed system of its own.If the knowledge is narrow, it will undoubtedly become a "layman" and cannot find a topic of praise.How to make yourself like an insider? First of all, you must have certain attainments in a certain line of work, so that your praise can be accepted by those in the know and regard you as a confidant.Using jargon is a skill.As the saying goes, every trade has its own jargon.There are blowing, pulling, playing, and singing in folk art, and there are rich connotations; in cross talk, there are talking, learning, teasing, and singing; Feng, these are all "jargon" in a certain field.On certain occasions, if you use professional terms to praise others, making people think that you are an "insider", your praise will make people feel credible. Furthermore, the praise of experts is also manifested as unique insight.Perceptive admirers are good at discovering advantages and strengths that others cannot.For example, when faced with an oil painting, almost all the people sighed in unison: "It's amazing!" "I'm afraid I won't be able to catch up with another ten years of practice!" Oil painters have long been accustomed to such compliments.A unique one humorously said: "As the saying goes, a painting is like a person. Your steady brushwork is inseparable from your upright nature and deep thinking about life and society." Open up a new way, ingeniously changed a new angle, which is refreshing.His compliments are different and superior. Superficial compliments feel boring and empty, and don't elicit any kind of honor from the person you're complimenting, and create a sense of unease and confusion in your words; insightful compliments make it seem like you see the problem In essence, you really have a sense of identity with the person being praised, and the person being praised also trusts in your pair of wisdom eyes, and has a desire to actively communicate with you. Praise and praise should be moderate, truthful and not exaggerated.Especially in the team, managers must praise their subordinates appropriately, and they must master the proportion of praise words, and they must not arbitrarily exaggerate the plot, make inaccurate evaluations, and arbitrarily exaggerate. Praise is not literary and artistic creation, it cannot be fabricated and exaggerated like literary and artistic works.Appropriate praise for those who and things are indeed worthy of praise can have the effect of encouraging others.On the contrary, if you arbitrarily exaggerate the facts when you praise, say that someone's score of 7 is 10, and elevate their original simple ideas to an idealized state, the evaluation will not be true, and it will only have a negative effect. For example, mining workers stick to their posts on New Year's Eve, and only one big night shift mined 260 tons of ore. Although the number of night shifts is not bad compared with the usual non-holiday night shift, but so much ore can be mined on New Year's Eve. It shows that the employees are enthusiastic about their work, and they gave up the great day of reunion with their relatives on the New Year's Eve to work hard. It is indeed a remarkable thing, and it is worthy of praise from the leaders. However, in order to commend the achievements of the workers and increase the enthusiasm of workers in other positions, a manager of a mining company posted a "Happy News", which said, "Last night, the mining workers took the mine as their home and carried forward the spirit of selfless dedication. The night shift produced 320 tons of ore, setting the highest record in the history of our company’s large night shift mining.” Exaggeration like this will only lead to blind complacency among those who are praised, mistakenly thinking that they are as good as exaggerated, and will also cause people's rebellious psychology.Because what people admire are true role models, not artificially elevated models.For a model that does not live up to its name, people will turn from unconvinced to disgusted and disgusted.In addition, this kind of exaggeration is also easy to encourage people to be unrealistic and unhealthy. From this point of view, praising and praising others should be realistic.In the workplace, a leader’s compliment to his subordinates is an affirmation and recognition of his work. It is of irreplaceable significance for motivating subordinates and establishing leadership prestige. It is a "lubricant" for adjusting the relationship between superiors and subordinates. Therefore, the leader must first distinguish right from wrong, distinguish between good and bad, and base his praise on the basis of facts.In this way, the "ironclad evidence" is like a mountain, so that everyone can be convinced and follow suit consciously, and the relationship between the superior and the subordinate, and the relationship between the same level will also maintain harmony and unity.For leaders, in order to seek truth from facts and reward meritorious service, they must first grasp the principle of justice.Anyone who does a job well, or even just offers a creative idea, should be praised.On the contrary, even "relatives of the emperor and the country will not be rewarded for meritorious deeds."That is to say, the praise must adhere to the selflessness and authenticity of the praise, only in this way can the praise be effective. Compliment is an important means of communication, it can communicate the feelings between people in an instant.Anyone wants to be complimented or praised. William James said: "The greatest desire in the depths of human nature is to be recognized and praised by others." Compliments should be just right, so that the relationship and friendship between the two parties can be enhanced unconsciously, and the enthusiasm for communication and cooperation can also be mobilized.So how do we compliment others just right? One of Roosevelt's adjutants, Bude, had an excellent and useful insight into praise and flattery: it is more effective to praise others behind their backs than to compliment them in person. This kind of manipulative art.It is a supreme skill.Praising people behind their backs is the most pleasing and effective of all forms of flattery.Bray himself used this technique to gain trust. There was a group of people who associated with Roosevelt, who felt that Roosevelt never seemed to make mistakes. Bude called them "crazy tail wags."The kind of person who keeps saying things like, "That's admirable," "Isn't that amazing," "That's extraordinary," and the like. Bude admired Roosevelt very much, but he would never be such a "crazy tail wag".Few, however, gained Roosevelt's trust more than he did. For those who don't know, it's best not to talk about it in depth.Wait until you find out what kind of compliment he likes before talking further. The most important thing is, don't compliment others casually, because some people don't like this. Would we not be pleased if someone told us that so-and-so said something nice about us behind our back?This kind of compliment, if spoken to us in our presence, may make us feel false, or suspect that he is not sincere.Why do you feel very pleasant when you hear it indirectly?Because that is a sincere compliment. Bismarck, the iron-blooded prime minister of Germany, in order to win over an employee who was hostile to him, he planned to praise this subordinate to others. He knew that those people would definitely pass on what he said to that subordinate after hearing it. In life and work, whether it is children, friends, subordinates or colleagues, they will always do some wrong things. At this time, we will inevitably criticize or persuade them, but if the criticism is not in place, it will not only fail to educate and The purpose of persuasion will be counterproductive and increase the resentment of others.Therefore, it is necessary for us to understand and master the speaking skills. Many parents are reluctant to praise their child in person, for fear of spoiling him.If we do not praise our children from the bottom of our hearts, but only indiscriminately, there is a real possibility of spoiling.Many parents often say: "It hurts the child in the heart, not in the mouth." This is because they are afraid of causing the child's complacency and pride, and he will no longer seek improvement in the future.In fact, reasonable praise is beneficial to the growth of children. Praise, such as fertilizers in the soil and vitamins in food, can give children great encouragement and make them ambitious.Go further.The praise that parents give to their children is more important than anyone else's, because parents are the closest people to their children, so every word and word has a great effect.Praise is more effective than scolding, and parents might as well praise their children generously.Praise also has another function, which is to tell the child that it has reached the expected level. Of course, in order to correct children's mistakes and guide them to do what they should do, sometimes it is necessary to criticize children, but we must be very careful, and we must be cautious in words and attitudes. Never use sarcastic or ridiculing words, so as not to cause trouble. The child's resentment and embarrassment make him feel self-defense and resistance.When criticizing a child, you can directly point out the mistakes, and then propose correction methods, so that the child understands the way to go and what to do.If the child puts in the effort and tries to correct his mistakes, even if it doesn’t take effect immediately, parents don’t have to be discouraged. You can encourage them from the sidelines and tell the child that his efforts will not be in vain. But be careful to choose the right time and place.As they grow older, children become more conscious of their own minds and self-esteem.Therefore, criticizing a child in public or in front of relatives and friends will really make the child too embarrassed. No matter how good the intention is and how reasonable the point is, it is difficult for the child to accept it under such circumstances. Many people have the idea that it's fine to compliment a friend, but criticism hurts feelings.In fact, when you feel that your friend is doing something inappropriate, a good friend will not be offended by his criticism.At least he knows you mean well.Of course, it is still necessary to master some skills for criticism from friends in order to make others willing to accept it.This requires us to play a critical role in our relationship with friends. Criticism should be combined with praise.After moderate criticism, don't forget to add a few words of praise for its advantages, so as not to damage the friendship between each other. "Convincing people with reason" is right, but sometimes the truth is not easy to be directly accepted, and it may even make the other party feel disgusted, although he does not necessarily think that the reason is wrong when he feels disgusted. Those who are good at critics have to strive to convince the other party, which requires certain skills.Sometimes critics think they have good intentions, but if there are threats in their words, the effect will be difficult to achieve, and it will even have a bad impact on the relationship between the two parties.If there is some friction between two lovers, one party shouts "who would want to be with you like you", and the other party immediately replies "If you are not together, you will not be together, what is so great about you", well-intentioned criticism will also have a counterproductive effect . Those who are good at critics will make the other party feel as if they are not criticizing themselves, but as if they are persuading themselves, so they will be easily accepted by the other party.Good critics should avoid words such as "you should" and "you must" in their language, and use a more discussion tone to avoid the other party's disgust. When any "attack" is difficult to work, it is better to pause. The purpose of criticism is to make the other party accept your opinion.It is not enough to just have enough reasons, but also to grasp the psychological characteristics of the other party. Different methods should be used for people with different personalities, which vary from person to person. It is insincere not to point out the shortcomings of a friend, but criticizing others for not paying attention to methods will really hurt feelings. Only criticisms that pay attention to skills can be called real good friends. The boss's criticism of the subordinates may hurt the self-esteem of the subordinates, but if the quality of work is to be guaranteed, criticism is still inevitable.There is a very wrong approach: ignore the problem at the beginning, and then blame him everywhere when the whim arises one day.This kind of inconsistency from beginning to end is difficult to convince subordinates to change.What's more, at this time, it is likely to be the time when I can't bear it anymore and have to correct it. When I speak, I will inevitably talk endlessly like a cannonball, as if I want to spit out the long-smoldering words. Therefore, as long as a subordinate does something inappropriate, he should tell him without delay that "this matter is inappropriate and should not be done", this is a kind expression to him.In addition, it is also feasible to tactfully warn him at the right time. There are many superiors, often based on the mentality of "by the way", doing what they should do on behalf of their subordinates.This style of sympathy for subordinates is understandable. However, if this is the case for a long time, subordinates will not only lose their original gratitude, but will even support you in reverse.They often say: "You! Do you want to go to the office? Could you please take this document with me? Thank you very much!" He even said: "Please go to the head office Let me know in advance, I would like to trouble you to bring something over there, otherwise, if I make a trip by myself, it will take an extra procedure!" Of course, this kind of view may not be wrong in the company's business promotion, but it often creates a bad atmosphere.In view of this, the supervisor should not make the subordinates have a lazy mentality, and should use some words to politely reject the entrustment of the subordinates, otherwise, such things will happen one after another in the future, which will affect the work. When colleagues or superiors make mistakes, we generally don't intervene.why?Because you've probably done that before, only to end up burning yourself for your efforts.The recipient may become very angry, or may respond by unmasking your scars.So you would rather maintain this kind of relationship that eases the atmosphere, and never mention this kind of topic that causes the other party's displeasure. Maybe you still think the most common push is criticism, but you know from past experience that criticism isn't always well received.So you try to put forward some "constructive criticism", but there is usually no clear dividing point between "constructive" and "destructive", or it is difficult for us to grasp it properly.But if you're unwilling to keep your mouth shut, and you can't easily give up working with your colleagues and superiors, you'll need to use a different approach to achieve your goals. (1) Encouraging to boost their morale, expressing gratitude or approval for the efforts of others.Because your goal is to influence how your colleagues think about your work so they can work harder.You want to give them the confidence to tackle complex tasks, the enthusiasm to go about their day at work, and the joy of getting results.That way they'll work harder, be more willing to be in the group, and want to do a good job. (2) Help improve their skills by giving them advice or guidance that focuses on the person's performance rather than judging the person.Here, your goal is to help your colleagues behave more competently.You want them to learn from doing so that they can do better later.You should not force your colleagues to do these things.They should be in charge of their own behavior, your goal is only to give them ideas and suggestions, so that they can choose to adopt. If direct criticism is inappropriate, you may wish to think of some tactful methods, which will make it easier to achieve your goals. Of course, the boss sometimes says the wrong thing, because the boss is also a human being after all, not a god.As for what you should do at this time, of course there is no one-size-fits-all approach. The method you should adopt depends on factors such as the boss’ temperament, the occasion when you say something wrong, and the possible impact of something wrong. Of course, your status in the company and your relationship with your boss are also factors you should consider. If the boss says something wrong, and these wrong words do not affect your interests and the work you are responsible for, you can adopt the method of "pretending to be deaf and dumb", that is, pretending that you did not hear or did not understand.This is a way of pretending to be confused, which allows you to avoid some right and wrong, and avoid putting the boss in an embarrassing and embarrassing position. But if you decide not to "play deaf and dumb" anymore, then there are some principles that must be followed: Before criticizing your boss, think about it from the other person's point of view, why he did that.Sometimes, the other party may have unspeakable difficulties and have no way to do it, but they are unwilling to reveal the secret to others.In this case, concern should be substituted for criticism.This will make it easier for the other party to accept. Everyone likes to hear compliments, and if they are heard in public, they will feel more honored.On the contrary, you should say the criticism in private, so that in addition to taking care of the other party's face, it will also have a good impact on your own image.Praising in public and criticizing in private, this seems a bit like "two-faced and three-handed", but it is not the case in fact. This is fundamentally different from the kind of people who say one thing on the surface and another behind the scenes. It is impossible to work smoothly with others. There will always be people who need you to criticize and give instructions when they make mistakes.At this time, if you criticize and correct inappropriately, not only will you fail to achieve your goal, but if you do it wrong, it will have negative effects. A person who loves photography took a stack of his own photographs to visit a photographer and asked him to criticize and correct him.The photographer looked at his works, and enthusiastically told him which one had a longer exposure time, which one had a smaller aperture, and which one needed to change the angle of view... When the photographer was making corrections , People who come to ask for advice always find some reasons to defend themselves.It’s not that the weather was bad at the time, it’s that I couldn’t find a suitable place to stand on when shooting the scene, etc., so it took me a long time. When the photographer left, the photographer felt angry and funny.He said: "I'm so stupid, why bother to say so much." In fact, this kind of result is completely conceivable, and some young people nowadays are unwilling to accept criticism with an open mind. A few years ago, Mr. Smith’s niece Josephine left her home in California and went to New York to work as Mr. Smith’s secretary. At that time, she was only 19 years old and had just graduated from high school. She knew nothing about business knowledge and business matters. do not understand.However, she is quite sophisticated in dealing with people and doing things.For a while, she often made some mistakes.Once, Mr. Smith really wanted to criticize her a few words, but after thinking about it again, she is young and inexperienced, so she should not be too demanding, so he said to her in a pleasant way: "Now you have done something wrong, it is inevitable. , when I was your age, I did many more wrong things than you, so I believe that you will grow up as you grow older in the future, isn’t it much better for you to do so now?” Admit yourself first Make mistakes, and then point out the mistakes of others, which is easy to accept. When people do something wrong, or do something that is disadvantageous, they will admit their mistakes frankly unless they tell you of their own initiative, but if you point out their mistakes on their own initiative, then they must find various reasons to justify them.You can try it among friends and family around you. Whether it's a small oversight or a big mistake, there are few people who can candidly admit mistakes without explaining for themselves immediately after others point them out.Therefore, when criticizing others, we must pay attention to methods and be sincere. Due to differences in experience, education level, personality traits, age, etc., different people have very different tolerance and ways of accepting criticism. This requires critics to adopt different criticism methods according to the different characteristics of different criticism objects. Different people will have different psychological reactions to the same criticism, because different people have different personalities, accomplishments, and views on issues. We can divide people into slow responders, sensitive responders, rational responders, and strong personality responders according to their different reactions when they are criticized.Unresponsive people don’t care even if they are criticized; sensitive people are emotionally fragile, thin-skinned, and love face, but it’s hard to bear being reprimanded. Rational people will feel a great shock when they are criticized, can admit their mistakes frankly, and learn from them; people with strong personalities have strong self-esteem, outstanding personality, "tiger's buttocks can't be touched", impulsive when things happen, and have a big heart. Narrow, strong sense of self-protection, poor psychological endurance, knowing that there is a mistake, but desperate for face, can't stand face-to-face criticism, and will not easily correct its shortcomings. Different criticism methods should be adopted for people with different characteristics. For those with high self-consciousness, the method of self-criticism should be inspired; for people with sensitive thoughts, metaphorical criticism should be used; For people with serious problems and greater influence, the method of public criticism should be adopted; for people with paralyzed thoughts, the method of warning and criticism should be adopted.When conducting criticism, avoid treating people equally, using a single method, and rote rote, and you should flexibly master the method of criticism. Correct criticism requires carefulness and appropriateness. General issues can be criticized face to face, and individual phenomena should be criticized individually.In addition, you can also communicate with him in advance to help him raise his awareness, inspire him to conduct self-comparison, make him feel that "the spearhead is not focused on 'I'", and take the initiative to admit his mistakes in the "big environment". 同时，批评不可全盘否定，别人犯的什么错误就应对其错误加以批评，使其及时改正，不可一概而论。 幽默式批评就是在批评过程中，使用含有哲理的故事、双关语、形象的比喻等，缓解受批评者的紧张情绪，启发受批评者思考，增进相互间的感情交流，使批评能有一个轻松愉快的气氛。幽默式批评在于启发、调动被批评对象积极思考。它以幽默的方式点到批评对象的要害之处，含而不露，令人回味无穷。但是，使用幽默式批评不要牵强附会，生拉硬扯，否则，将适得其反，给人一种画蛇添足之感。 这里举一个例子来说明何谓幽默的批评。课堂上很乱，有的学生在说笑，有的学生睡觉，有的学生眼观窗外。上课的老师突然停下了讲课，语重心长地对大家说：“如果坐在中间谈笑的那几个同学能像那位观看窗外景色的同学那样安静的话，也就会让前面睡觉的那两位女同学睡得更香甜了。”此言一出引起哄堂大笑，那几位被点到的同学的笑容里则带有羞愧之色。 幽默能使人感到亲切，使气氛变得轻松，即便是批评，也没有那么难以接受。 幽默不是天生的，是可以培养的。再呆板的人，只要努力都可以逐渐变得幽默起来。美国前总统里根以前也不是幽默的人，在竞选总统时，别人给他提出了意见。于是他采用了最笨的办法使自己幽默起来：每天背诵一篇幽默故事。 但是要注意，幽默的批评不是讽刺，讽刺别人会使人厌恶，甚至产生对抗心理。 邓小平同志强调：“批评的武器一定不能丢。”可时下，批评在一些人特别是一些领导人中却开展不起来，走过场，不愿批评，不能批评、不敢批评的观象较为普遍。造成批评难、难批评的原因很多，但其中一个重要的原因是批评的语言艺术不高，把握不住批评的事实根据，也可以说不善于批评。 一般说来，无论是批评还是被批评者，对批评都有一种戒备心理。“良药苦口利于病，忠言逆耳利于行”。古人把“忠言”与“苦药”等同，足见批评的话确实不中听，通常是“逆耳”、“伤耳”、“刺耳”。批评者批评别人虽然是发自内心的，确实是出于“爱护、关心、保护”的目的，但因有时捕风捉影了，无事实根据，使被批评者产生抵触情绪，甚至反戈一击。因此开展批评时，一定要讲究艺术，像药师把“良药”变成胶囊，外包糖衣，这样既易进口，又能利病一样。 批评是一个十分严肃的问题，一定要抓住对方错误的实质，有针对性地进行，不能主观臆断、想当然，更不能听信谗言，捕风捉影，道听途说，无中生有。不痛不痒的批评，点不到痛处的批评，含糊其辞的批评，莫名其妙的批评，是不会令人心服口服的。 有四个小孩放学回家，走在路上。有一个小孩发现路旁一户人家的桃树结满了红彤彤的桃子，便提议大家一起去偷摘，其中有个叫张斌的小朋友当即劝阻他，说别人家的东西不要随便拿，可另外三人执意要去摘，结果被户主发现了，撵到了这四个小孩的家里指责其家人没有对小孩严加管教。 张斌的父母一听户主的指责，不分青红皂白，就批评张斌说：“我们几乎天天都教育你，不要拿别人的东西，你为什么不听话？”可此时，张斌纵有千张口也难以磨平父母的怨气。 上例中，张斌的父母就犯下了一个错误，他们没有了解情况，见人家说自己的小孩偷桃子，未经仔细询问、调查就给孩子当头一棒，这样的批评无疑是错误的。因此，我们在实施批评之前，一定要做深入细致的调查研究，弄清问题的症结，并对产生问题的原因作具体的分析，分清哪些是主观因素，哪些是客观因素，然后再进行批评。 只有了解了事实，你才能清楚地判断是否有必要提出批评，提出忠告的角度怎么选择；批评以后会有怎样的效果。如果你是凭借听到的信息忠告别人，容易引起误解。这时补救的办法是与他沟通，听听他怎么说，等了解清楚事实之后再想办法消除误解。