Chapter 9 Chapter Seven Avoid embarrassment when speaking

People who can talk are generally mature and stable, especially when they are in adversity, they can deftly resolve their embarrassing situation with words. Politeness is the first prerequisite for civilized conversation.In the conversation, respect, friendliness, and decent bearing and demeanor should be reflected.To achieve polite conversation, first of all, we must use polite expressions, such as "please", "thank you" and so on; secondly, we must pay attention to learning some polite words, because the consequences caused by a careless word may not be able to make up for it.

Polite taboo refers to impolite language, language taboo by others, language that will cause misunderstanding and unpleasantness to others.Impolite language, such as vulgar language, is language garbage and must be resolutely eliminated.The language that others taboo refers to the language that others do not want to listen to, and should be avoided in conversation.If it is said that someone is dead, it can be expressed in euphemistic language such as "died of illness" and "gone".Compatriots in Hong Kong, Macao and Taiwan avoid saying unlucky words, and like to flatter.In particular, Hong Kong people have the habit of liking "8" and disliking "4".Because most people in Hong Kong speak Cantonese, in Cantonese, "8" has the same pronunciation as "fa", and "4" has the same pronunciation as "death".Therefore, when you have to say "4", you can use "two pairs" instead.During the holidays, it is not appropriate to say "Happy New Year" or "Happy Holidays", but to use "Happy New Year", "Happy Holidays" or "Gong Xi Fa Cai" instead.This is also a homophonic relationship, because "happy" and "fast falling" sound similar.

Pay attention to avoid language that is easy to cause misunderstanding and unpleasantness.When discussing the appearance of others, you can change "fat" to "plump" or "blessed", and "slim" or "elegant" to replace "thin".When attending a wedding, you should wish the newlyweds a happy life together.When visiting a patient, you should say some comforting words, such as "Your spirit is good", "Your complexion is much better than a few days ago" and so on.With the development of the language itself, the meaning of some words has also changed, such as "comrade", "Miss", etc., when using it, it is necessary to carefully decide according to different objects.It should also be noted that in daily life, when encountering conflicts and conflicts, they should deal with them calmly, instead of using the language of accusation, use the language of understanding.

In addition, in the conversation, we should also avoid the topic of controversy. Even if you have a firm position on this topic, it is best not to bring it up, because disputes can easily lead to hostility, and the two parties in the dispute will soon fall into a "competitive state" , tongue sword lip gun, mutual refusal, few people can adopt a mild response to the attack of the enemy, so it is best not to turn a well-meaning discussion into a heated debate. In fact, the conversation between two people is very simple, as long as you find out the topics that both parties are interested in.If the other party is noncommittal about your topic, you must be careful not to discuss this topic harshly or paranoidly, it is better to choose another topic.Debate is a fun game for two level-headed opponents with good conversation skills, but it can be a dangerous business for the impulsive and bad-tempered.People often make some gaffes in conversation: "Hey, your son's limp is getting worse and worse." "Why are you not married yet?" "Are you really going to get a divorce?" etc., some other people's secret thoughts Your words and privacy are ruthlessly exposed by your words, it is really not rational.If you want to be liked, don't talk about the benefits and fun of dancing to a cripple, don't talk about the benefits of ancestral shadows to a self-reliant person, and don't laugh at and satirize others for no reason, especially the flaws that others can't do anything about, otherwise it is a kind of meanness .In addition, unless you are a close relative or friend, you don’t need to talk about the other party’s health problems. If he feels unwell, it may arouse his melancholy. Once he complains about his illness and pain, you may not be interested, but if you Not showing enough sympathy will make the other person think you are cold and selfish.That being the case, how to talk about something pleasant?

Generally speaking, the topic of criticizing others should be avoided as much as possible, but it is very appropriate to praise the work and abilities of others, which often makes the listener feel happy. In the nomination process for the 35th presidential candidate of the United States, Kennedy's youth and childlike appearance became an out-and-out disadvantage.House Speaker Sam Rayburn attacked Kennedy as one of several Democratic leaders who were still young.Kennedy laughed and put the question aside: "Sam Rayburn may think I'm young. But for a man who is 78 years old, most people in his eyes are young." But this question still lingers With Kennedy.Harry Truman challenged Kennedy in a speech to the nation. "What we need is someone who is extremely mature," the former president said.Kennedy responded to his challenge with logic and tact.He said that if age had been considered a standard, the United States would have given up its trust in everyone under the age of 44.This exclusion may have prevented Jefferson from drafting the Declaration of Independence, Washington from commanding American troops in the Revolutionary War, Madison from being a pioneer in drafting the Constitution, and Columbus from discovering the New World.

When Kennedy was confronted with sudden heckles, he answered the other party subtly in a very astute way and gave a powerful counterattack.Quickness is quick-witted and agile, which embodies people's ability to feel conflicts and the resulting flexibility.This requires us to be good at discovering problems, determining corresponding countermeasures, and constantly adjusting contingency strategies as things change. Astute people are generally mature and stable, especially when they are in adversity, being calm and stable is more helpful to provide a magic way to resolve embarrassment.Ms. Gong Li was interviewed in Hong Kong once. A reporter asked: "Do you think you are beautiful?" It is beautiful, although it is not neat but different.” Such an answer won the applause of the audience.

Evaluation or criticism can only be aimed at a person's behavior, actions, and performance, not at this person, which is what is usually said to be right about things and not about people. In most cases, the purpose of communication is to achieve a certain goal, such as clarifying a misunderstanding, stating a fact, issuing an order, and so on. Everyone has the need to gain respect from others. There is a big difference between criticizing and blaming a person himself and criticizing and blaming a person's actions and events, and the impression they leave on people is also very different.For example, if a student solves a chemistry problem and writes the molecular formula wrong due to carelessness, if the teacher criticizes him: "Why are you so stupid, you can make mistakes with such a small problem!" The critic must feel extremely uncomfortable.If the teacher only criticizes him for writing the wrong molecular formula, and finally reminds him to be more careful in the future, the critics will generally be convinced.Yang Yuanqing of Lenovo Group is "right to the matter but not to the person". The people he criticizes the most and the most ruthless are the fastest progressing people in the company.What he is most angry about is "should have thought of it but actually didn't think about it", and he hates "taking advantage of his work".But if the work is done with all one's heart, but still not done well, he will forgive this person.

In the autumn of 1982, at the Sino-American Writers Conference held in Los Angeles, American poet Allen Ginsberg asked Chinese writer Jiang Zilong to solve a "strange" riddle: "Put a 5-jin chicken into a How do you get it out of a 1-jin water bottle?" "I'll take it out as you put it in." Jiang Zilong smiled.That is a "mystery" that no one can solve. However, our writer "treats others in the same way" and has received very good results. Once, a British TV station interviewed Liang Xiaosheng, a contemporary young Chinese writer, and filmed the TV interview program on the spot.The British reporter suddenly stopped the camera, and then said to Liang Xiaosheng: "The next question, I hope you can answer it with 'yes' or 'no' without hesitation, okay?"Unexpectedly, the British reporter raised his hand, and the mirror mask slammed. The reporter put the microphone to his mouth and said: "Without the Cultural Revolution, young writers of your generation would not have been produced. Then the Cultural Revolution will not be born in the future." Is it good or bad in your opinion?" After speaking, he immediately extended the microphone to Liang Xiaosheng's mouth, and the camera focused on Liang Xiaosheng's face.At this difficult time, Liang Xiaosheng said calmly: "Before I answer your question, I also ask you a question: There is no World War II, and there is no world famous for reflecting World War II." Writer, do you think the Second World War was good or bad?" Here, Liang Xiaosheng cleverly used the "rebound" answering technique.

When you are faced with embarrassment, usually when the other party is deliberately embarrassing you, a good way is to "use the other's way and return it to the other", find out the other party's thinking logic, and ask the other party to explain in the same way, so as to resolve the problem . It is indeed not easy to readily accept other people's opinions.But what if your opinion is more correct and the other person wants to avoid responsibility?Such a situation is much more difficult than accepting other people's opinions readily. At this time, he should not be forced to be out of breath or unable to speak a word, which is the so-called "driving the dog into a poor alley".When others are cornered by you, they have no choice but to catch your faults and fight back.If you don't know how to leave some room for the other party, the other party may appear tolerant on the surface and find a step down in a hurry, but the inner suffering is not as it appears on the surface, and he will definitely get back this kind of humiliation if he has a chance.If you are able to meet someone with a big heart who truly appreciates you, that is your blessing, and you should be grateful.Don't be arrogant and arrogant just because of this. "Sun Tzu's Art of War" also said that when attacking the enemy, you should leave a retreat for the enemy. If you surround the enemy without leaving a way to survive, the enemy will have no choice but to fight to the death and fight back with all your strength.

There is a saying that goes well: You have to forgive others and forgive others.When people are justified, don't be aggressive and hold on to other people's "little pigtails", but have a tolerant mind. "A big belly can tolerate things that are hard to tolerate in the world; a smile is always open, laughing at the ridiculous people in the world." This is a couplet that people posted next to Maitreya Buddha.From this couplet, it is not difficult to see people's admiration for great compassion and great heart.Always having a tolerant heart is actually a virtue and strength of being a human being.According to historical records, during the Warring States period, Lin Xiangru of Zhao State put the national interests first, and endured Lian Po's provocation and humiliation again and again. He finally made Lian Po wake up with the great realm of "first the national emergency and then private enmity", thus leaving a lasting impression on the world. Let's talk about the eternal beauty of "harmony between generals and prime ministers".It should be said that tolerance is a two-way street, which is beneficial to both ourselves and others.If you blindly demand others and don't forgive others, it will not help the matter, but also hurt the relationship.

Misunderstanding is inevitable in interpersonal communication.After encountering misunderstandings, some people feel aggrieved and sad; He intends to take revenge with an eye for an eye, in order to eliminate the resentment caused by being misunderstood.The correct approach is to "solve" misunderstandings rather than "mistakes".The so-called "solution" is to alleviate and resolve conflicts, so that misunderstandings become a turning point for "the snow disappears and the spring water comes". Most of the misunderstandings in life are caused by other people's ignorance of the actual situation.Therefore, when a misunderstanding occurs, you should look for a suitable opportunity to explain the matter clearly to the person concerned, so that the other party can understand the "true face" of the matter.When defending and explaining, the attitude should be sincere, calm as much as possible, adopt a generous attitude of understanding others, and never use radical words because of inner dissatisfaction.Once the situation is clear, the other party's misunderstanding will naturally disappear. For some misunderstandings, you should first find the reasons and solutions from yourself, and don't easily accuse the party who misunderstood you.It should be said that as long as the other party doesn't deliberately find fault with you and make trouble with you, there is always a reason for him to misunderstand you.Therefore, you must first check whether you have any words or deeds that have been misunderstood by the other party.If there is, you should "change it if you have it", find the crux immediately, and explain it clearly to the other party, and ensure that you will pay more attention to it in the future; misunderstanding. For those misunderstandings that are difficult to explain or cannot be proved by actions at the moment, there is no need to worry about it, and there is no need to worry.There is a saying that goes well, "Time is the alum that clears up misunderstandings".Misunderstandings must always be eliminated, right and wrong will always be settled, it is only a matter of time. In social situations, sometimes people will rob you intentionally or unintentionally, ridicule, sarcasm, ridicule you, what should you do?People with adaptability can mobilize their wisdom, turn passivity into initiative, and make embarrassment disappear. "Soldiers come to block, water comes to cover", you can choose different ways to deal with different objects. If it is judged that the comer is not kind, has malicious intentions, and deliberately provokes, you can "eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth", be reasonable, beneficial, and restrained, politely and skillfully retaliate to the opponent, tit for tat, and "the original" back. If someone hurts you or embarrasses you with overly abrupt words, you should be reserved, or pretend to be deaf and dumb, beat around the bush, evade words, or push the boat along, divert your "eyes", answer irrelevant questions, and talk about something that is completely different from the question. If you say "the wind, the horse, and the cow are irrelevant", using this euphemistic and tortuous method to refute the opponent will definitely achieve strange results. Sometimes, you may encounter difficult and difficult questions. If you answer them in a humorous way, you will often "turn the danger into a bargain" and change the embarrassment.When "the mountain is heavy and the river is full of doubts and there is no way out", it turns into "the willows are dark and the flowers are bright and another village", making the embarrassing situation disappear in talking and laughing. As the saying goes: "You must have the heart to guard against others, and you must not have the intention to harm others." It is very important to practice the language expression skills of adapting to the situation, but you must not take the initiative to attack and hurt others.And be polite in defense. In a conversation, before you say a word, you must consider whether what you want to say is appropriate. Don’t be unrestrained, say what you want, and cause discomfort to others. Unless it is a close friend, it is best not to comment on personal hygiene.If someone has a lot of dandruff on their shoulders or a bad mouth smell or a zip button that isn't fastened properly, try not to think about it and wait for a close friend to tell them.If you tell him directly, especially when there are many people, it is easy to put the other party in an awkward position. Many people don't like being asked about their age, especially for women, age is their secret and they don't want to be mentioned.Inquiries about personal matters, such as money, that involve one's income are also usually inappropriate and can be ignored. In social activities, you should treat people with sincerity and be lenient.Be kind to others, instead of inquiring, interfering in other people's privacy, and commenting on others' right and wrong.Don't make a fuss about nothing, catch wind and shadow, and don't let the parents of the east and the west be short-changed, and don't spread gossip, saying that sesame seeds are watermelons.What you say must be based on facts, and you can't listen to the wind and rain and go with the flow.As the saying goes: "A good word warms the winter three times, and a bad word hurts the June cold." The so-called bad words refer to those words that are dirty, sarcasm, mean and insulting.Speaking bad words not only hurts others, but also damages one's own image.In social activities, people should be respectful, gentle and elegant, and pay attention to the beauty of language, instead of being self-righteous, speaking rudely, and hurting others with bad words. Besides, what if the two meet and the conversation is not speculative?It may be advisable to regard the opponent who "talks not speculative" as an opponent for conversation training.There is a kind of person who always has a lot to say when he is with someone, but he is too dull to say a word when he is with another person. As the saying goes: "When you meet a bosom friend, you drink less than a thousand cups, and if you don't talk speculatively, you can talk too much." Once some friends feel that talking to the other party is not speculative, even though they have topics, they are unwilling to bring them up, and they refuse to accept the other party's opinions from the bottom of their hearts. Not the attitude of an educated person.To develop one's conversational ability, in addition to having more occasions and times of conversations, one must seize the opportunity to talk to all kinds of people.You may find that you have a deep prejudice against someone, and when you meet him, you feel a sense of disgust.At this time, you should not avoid it, but talk to him more actively. This is the best way to train your conversation skills.You can choose some lighter topics to talk to him, such as movies and music. Through these conversations, you can promote the relationship between the two and increase mutual understanding.After a few conversations, maybe you will find: "Oh! So he is not such an annoying person!" Maybe you will become a pair of friends who can talk to each other from now on. The Japanese film critic Choji Yodogawa once said: "I have never met anyone who dislikes me." Conversational skills must also be improved. Why not do this kind of thing that kills two birds with one stone?And if you give up the opportunity for in-depth understanding if you don't speculate once, you may lose more than you gain.Remember, give each other a chance, maybe you can gain a bosom friend. If you are talking to someone and the other person talks about something you don't understand or doesn't interest you, you can say: "I talked to someone about this last time..." In this way, you can talk about another new topic up.In principle, as long as you have a strong curiosity about everything, there will be no topics that you are not interested in. Sometimes, some topics that you are not interested in will bring you unexpected gains and benefit you a lot.That is to say, chatting with people can not only bring interest, but also increase one's knowledge.With this kind of thinking, in your world, there should no longer be topics that you are not interested in.When you talk to dull people, you can also find it interesting if you pay a little more attention.In addition, from the conversations of the elderly, parents, bosses, etc., you can often get fruitful results.Modern people have a strong sense of resistance, and it is a pity that they often forget what their parents say.Please calm down and listen carefully, you will find a very interesting and useful side.After listening, if you feel the need to criticize, it is not too late to criticize.Criticism and listening are two different things.How can you be a good conversationalist if the topic is always limited to popular clothes, trends of the times, etc.?How can you become popular? If someone asks what kind of talents high-quality talents should have in the 21st century, many people will answer: "Eloquence." From another perspective, listening skills are also needed in this century.It can be said that to be able to speak, you must first be able to listen. If you want to improve your eloquence, you must improve your listening skills.Be proactive and persevere in forming a good habit of listening to others. I believe you will gain more. In real social life, we will inevitably meet some people we really don’t like, or an embarrassing topic. How to deal with this situation and deal with troublesome opponents also requires certain skills. The most common way to resolve an embarrassing situation is to "find an excuse to slip away."I believe that many people have tried this method, but the problem is how to make this excuse seem natural, instead of trying to hide it, making the situation even more embarrassing.This requires specific analysis of specific issues, adapting to the situation at the time and some available resources, and acting according to the situation. For a difficult and troublesome opponent, you might as well adopt the following method: deliberately forget his name, implying your indifference to him.Different titles indicate the closeness of the relationship between the two parties and the degree of respect for each other's personality.If the two parties have met each other, but the other party has no impression of their own name at all, it shows that the other party does not take themselves seriously at all.For those who specialize in dealing with people, it is a very useful weapon to remember the other person's name and call it out when they meet next time. Pay attention to.If you don't want to recognize the other party's ability and personality, or don't want to deal with the other party, you can deliberately pretend that you don't know the other party's name, implying that you are in an unequal position and you have a superior position.This is a practical psychological technique. For those who are annoying or despised and alienated, you can deliberately ask: "Ah, I forgot, what is your name?" Because asking this means that your existence is of no help to me, so I don't remember your name at all.Once this kind of unfriendly question is uttered, the other party tends to appear a little uncomfortable. They will think that the person who said this is very rude or arrogant, and they will often stop the conversation. Smoothing the field means that when the two parties in the communication have misunderstanding, unhappiness, embarrassment or unnecessary disputes due to some reason, the third party will come forward in a timely and appropriate manner to make the matter better, auspicious, beneficial and pleasant. Interpretation is a way to promote the harmony of interpersonal relationships and "strangle" the contradictions between the two parties in the "cradle".Smoothing the rhetoric refers to the wit, ingenuity, wisdom, flexibility, humor, etc. used in this kind of explanation and explanation, which are appropriate and appropriate language that can be accepted by both parties.The difference between smoothing the field and mediation is that: mediation is usually after the occurrence of conflicts, problems, and disputes between the two parties, and it is mostly aimed at the two parties who have long-term and deep-seated conflicts; , or just explanations, explanations and enlightenment when one party has misunderstood in a certain aspect, got into trouble and deadlocked.Or to be more precise, the former is aimed at the disputes and contradictions that have already occurred, and the latter is aimed at the misunderstandings, difficulties and embarrassing atmosphere that have not yet appeared or will appear soon. In communication activities, due to the lack of mutual understanding between the two parties and the existence of various emergencies, it often leads to embarrassment or stalemate. If no one stands up to smooth things over at this time, then it is likely to cause displeasure and interference to one or both parties. The normal progress of things even affects the relationship and friendship between each other.It can be seen that in communication, grasping the other party's psychology, judging the situation, and then resolving embarrassment and deadlock with just the right explanation, this is indeed an ability worthy of attention.If you want to successfully smooth things over, you can focus on the following aspects: First, create a humorous atmosphere.Second, emphasize the rationality of the event.Third, affirm the value of all parties in communication.Fourth, point out the rationality of the views of all parties in communication.Fifth, according to the homophonic relationship between things and language, we should use it to our advantage.Sixth, associate to the benefit according to the meaning relationship between things and language.Seventh, think from the reverse side of the problem or thing.Eighth, to extend the original concepts and meanings of things and events.Ninth, misinterpret the event in good faith.Tenth, reinterpret from another angle. In real life, things that are too serious and boring are often not easy to accept, so people will try to make it more flexible and interesting.The same is true in communication situations. If a serious and sensitive issue embarrasses both parties in the communication, and even hinders the smooth progress of normal communication, we can also make it humorous through humorous explanations, and use it to Activate the scene that was originally froze by it, so that the communication activities can be promoted smoothly. At a state banquet in the 1950s, the foreign guests were puzzled when they saw that the bamboo shoots in the soup on the plate were in the shape of the fascist and Nazi symbols, so they asked the accompanying comrades.The accompanying comrades found that it was caused by the rolling of the national pattern "Wan", and explained: "This is not a fascist symbol, but a traditional Chinese pattern called the word 'Wan', which symbolizes longevity and good wishes for the guests!" Then he said humorously: "It doesn't matter even if it's a fascist symbol! Let's all come together to eliminate fascism and eat it!" After listening to this witty explanation, the host and guest laughed, and the atmosphere became more friendly and warm. The food was quickly eaten up. In this foreign affairs communication event, the traditional Chinese pattern "Wan" character was similar to the symbol of fascism, which created an embarrassing situation. Of course, this incident made both the host and the guest unhappy.However, the witty accompanying comrades used the communication skills of "humorizing serious issues". After explaining the "ten thousand" characters, they called on everyone to eat fascists. Embarrassment and doubts vanished. The reason why people get into trouble in social activities is often because he has made inappropriate, unreasonable or humiliating behaviors on specific occasions, and it is often inconvenient for others to directly point out the irrationality of such behaviors, so further This led to an embarrassment or stalemate in the whole situation.Under such circumstances, the most effective way to smooth things over is to find a perspective or an excuse to prove that the other party's actions at this time are justified and understandable with reasonable grounds.In this way, the personal embarrassment is lifted, and the normal situation can continue. Once, a famous actor and her husband held a banquet for the elderly, and invited many famous seniors in the cultural and art circles to attend. The old painter in his 90s was accompanied by his caregiver.After the old man sat down, he took a young actress by the hand and watched intently.After a while, the old man's caretaker said to the old man in a reproachful tone: "Do you always watch what other people do?" The old man became upset and said, "I am so old, why can't I watch her? She is beautiful." The old man After finishing speaking, his face turned red with anger, making everyone very embarrassed. At this time, the actor smiled and said to the old man: "Look, I am an actor, and I am not afraid of being watched." In this example, the young actress properly used the smoothing technique of "emphasizing the rationality of the incident".At a banquet attended by many veterans of the cultural world, it is indeed counterintuitive for a painter in his 90s to hold the hand of an actress and stare intently.Considering the status and self-esteem of the old painter, the actress did not directly express her attitude towards this matter, but based on "she is an actor" to prove that the old painter saw herself as legitimate and reasonable, and paved a bed for the old man. Comfortable steps.The old man got rid of the embarrassment smoothly, and the banquet can continue normally. When the communicative parties are arguing endlessly because they cannot satisfy each other's conditions, the mediator should understand the psychology and mood of the disputing parties at this time, and not rashly favor one over the other, so as not to deepen the dissatisfaction of all parties.The correct approach is to only emphasize the differences between the parties (rather than the advantages and disadvantages), and affirm their respective advantages and values, so as to satisfy their self-actualization psychology to a certain extent. Once, the famous crosstalk actor Hou Yuewen hosted "Please Participate" in CCTV's "Variety Show".The main content is that three volunteer families come on stage, arrange and perform programs by themselves according to the selected props, and then let the audience score.As soon as the performance was over, before the host could ask questions, the audience was full of chatter, and there were people from all groups, and the selection was in trouble.Hou Yuewen had an idea, and said to the audience: "Which group will win the first place, let me ask them themselves." Then he asked the three families one by one how they felt about performing on stage, and announced according to their answers: Group "Humility" first; second group "Brave" first; third group "Unity" first.All three groups won the "first". When hosting the "Please Participate" program, Hou Yuewen knew that the purpose of the program itself was not to really tell the difference, but to stimulate the enthusiasm of the audience to participate in the program.Based on this consideration, when the program was stalemate, he did not argue with the audience which one is better, but emphasized the different characteristics and advantages of each group, and affirmed the value of each group.In the end, Hou Yuewen put forward a suggestion to resolve the dispute: "The three groups won the first place together", and the result was easily accepted by everyone. When people argue endlessly because of their stubborn opinions, the reason for the stalemate is often not the viewpoints of the two sides itself, but the competing emotions and competing psychology of each other.In fact, the views on a certain issue are often not static. As the environment changes and the perspective shifts, different or even opposing views may be correct.Therefore, we can grasp this point when smoothing the field, help the two parties in dispute to analyze the problem flexibly, make them realize the relativity and compatibility of each other's views, and then stop unnecessary disputes. Chen Shuping, a famous scholar in the late Qing Dynasty, was good at resolving people's disputes with a few words, and he was called "resolving disputes with a few words".One year, when he was the magistrate of Jiangxia, Zhang Zhidong, a famous minister of the Qing Dynasty, was the governor of Hubei.The relationship between Zhang Zhidong and Fujun Tan Jixun was not very compatible.One day, Chen Shuping entertained Zhang, Tan and others at the Yellow Crane Tower.One of the guests talked about the width of the river.Tan Jixun said it was five miles and three points, but Zhang Zhidong deliberately said it was seven miles and three points.Chen Shuping knew that they were obviously making use of the problem, and they couldn't explain it clearly.He was very dissatisfied and looked down on the two people making such a quarrel in his heart, but he was afraid that the banquet would spoil the scenery and everyone's happiness, so he had an idea, calmly cupped his hands, and said humbly: "When the river rises, it will be seven miles and three minutes wide." , while the ebb tide is five miles and three minutes. Governor Zhang refers to the rising tide, and Mr. Fujun refers to the ebb tide. The two adults are not wrong, so why doubt it?" Zhang and Tan People are always talking nonsense, but after hearing Chen Shuping's interesting round-up, they naturally had nothing to say, so everyone clapped their hands and laughed, let it go, and stopped the "dispute". In the above example, Zhang and Tan quarreled endlessly over the width of the river, which spoiled the banquet. In fact, it was basically their rivalry.In order not to disappoint everyone, the host Chen Shuping grasped the focus of "the width of the river" and pointed out that it is not a fixed constant. As long as the season changes, the answers of both of them may be correct.After this treatment, the rigid problem that originally seemed to be one of the two became flexible.Both Zhang and Tan were right.That being the case, the two went down the steps and stopped the unnecessary dispute. Unprepared accidents in life often cause embarrassment, unhappiness, or unnecessary troubles to those involved. They can range from annoyance to sadness, to severe knots, and some even have a thick layer of pain in their hearts all their lives. cloudy.At this time, if we use emergent events and the relationship between things and language to make witty and ingenious interpretations, it will turn the worries of those involved into joy. (1) Burning clothes - boundless happiness One Sunday, a luxury hotel is holding a wedding ceremony for a pair of young people.Colorful lights hung high, guests and friends were full, and the bride and groom approached each other slowly amidst the sound of firecrackers.Unexpectedly, a ball of sparks splashed on the bride's clothes, and flames burst out immediately.Fortunately, someone with quick eyesight and quick hands went up and pinched the fire out.Even though only the hem of the dress was burned, the bride was still very sad. She felt that it was unlucky for the newlyweds to burn the clothes.Everyone present felt sorry, but they didn't know what to say.Still an old man with a lot of experience, he stood in front of the bride and said, "Congratulations! It is a good sign that the bride's clothes are gone. It will indicate that you, the newlyweds, will love each other happily in the future, and the happiness (new)) (clothes) will be endless." !" In one sentence from the old man, he used the homophonic relationship between "new", "service" and "happiness" and "blessing" to subtly transform it into another kind of auspicious blessing, turning decay into magic, which made everyone happy, and the bride also Worry turned into joy. (2) 16444——Dorafa Fafa A few years ago, when the value of the "8" in the society rose again and again, there was a self-employed car with a 16444 number.Relatives and friends all said that this number was too unlucky-they died all the way.The owner of the car is also unhappy because of this.However, a middle school student in the neighborhood said: "Grandpa, your numbers are very good, because in the numbered music notation, they are: Dorafafafa. As long as you 'Dola' goods, you will definitely be able to 'make' money." The owner of the car was very happy when he heard this, and insisted on giving the middle school student 80 yuan to reward his eloquence and thank him for his clever blessing.From then on, the car owner never disliked that number again. In this case, the clever middle school students did not interpret it according to the Arabic numerals, but converted them into homophonic sounds in the numbered music notation. Such a conversion "turned" several very unlucky numbers into blessings.What a relief! (3) The wine glass and chopsticks are knocked off the ground——sadness comes and joy comes, happiness everywhere One year during the Spring Festival, Wang Cheng and some friends went to visit a friend who had just recovered from illness.When it was time to eat, the hostess brought a plate containing a set of wine glasses and a pair of chopsticks.Unfortunately, the host who turned his back to light cigarettes for the guests turned around and overturned the plate, crackling, the wine glasses were all broken, and the chopsticks were scattered all over the floor.The hostess and hostess were very embarrassed, complaining while tidying up, very angry.The guests were also overwhelmed.这时，王成急中生智，一边帮着拾筷子，一边说：“哎，哥们儿，你家从此要交好运了，这么多酒杯打碎了，筷子撒得满地都是，这叫悲（杯）去喜来，处处快乐（筷落）！”“好！”其他几个朋友都帮着打圆场，两位主人也立刻化忧为喜了。 此例中，王成由酒杯之“杯”想到悲痛之“悲”，由筷子落下想到“快乐”，真是自然天成，不留痕迹。 （4）纱门装横——大发横财 一天，李成去同事家里商量一件事，正好同事家里有个木工在装纱门。一没留神，木工将印有花鸟图案的纱门装横了。主人发现后有些不乐意，木工也很歉疚。见此情景，李成逗了一句：“老兄，你这纱门装得妙趣横生。把材料用横了——看来主人家是要大发横财了。”主人听后，连说：“托福！托福！”木工也来了一句：“经这位先生一说，我这纱门装得横竖都好。” 上例中，将纱门装横，本是一件错事，但经李成这么一解释，竟变成要“大发横财”的预兆，主人听了能不心花怒放？ （5）水瓶打破——达到新水平 有一年教师节，某乡一百多名中小学教师在学校欢聚一堂，庆祝自己的节日。参加这次聚会的还有县教委和乡政府的有关领导。当校长陪同各位领导来到会场时，一名热情的学生提来一瓶开水，很有礼貌地给他们一一斟上水。快到刘书记面前时，刘书记站起来说：“让我来。”说罢就从那同学手里接过水瓶。由于没拿稳，水瓶掉在地上，“嘭”的一声把会前的喧闹驱散了，全场一下寂静起来，大家都把视线投向刘书记，刘书记非常尴尬。大会主持人对此情景也感意外，飞快地考虑着对策，一分钟后他就凑上前去对着麦克风说道：“老师们，看到了吧？这是在证明我乡的教育在刘书记的领导下打破了一个旧水瓶（平），也预示着我们很快达到一个新水瓶（平）。”听到这儿，大家轰地笑起来，随即响起一阵热烈的掌声。那尴尬的局面一下子被冲得无影无踪。 身居要职的刘书记当着一百多名师生和领导的面，失手打碎了水瓶，不能不说是一件非常有损颜面的事情。主持人急中生智，利用谐音，把“水瓶”说成“水平”，称赞刘书记带领教育界突破了原有的旧“水平”，使他能够从容体面地下台，从而成功地维持了会场热烈的气氛。 从以上五例不难看出，利用中国汉字的谐音与事物、事件的关系进行巧妙机智的转换，实在是打圆场辞令中的“当家本领”。 生活中的任何事物之间看似风马牛不相及，其实如果细心体味、挖掘与联想，总能找到内在的联系。打圆场者就是根据事物、事件同语言之间的意义上的关系进行巧妙、积极的推衍联想、生发，从而将两者紧密地联想在一起，做出一种吉祥、快乐、令人高兴的解释，使对方从烦恼与不快中解脱出来，增进人际关系的和谐。这从表面看是辞令，其实更本质的东西是打圆场者的思维与智慧。 （1）桌上三颗钉子——考试板上钉钉 有一次任小姐和几个同事一起去参加省里的业务考试，当她们走进考场时，只见梅小姐的桌子上钉有三颗大钉子，且冒出很高。不难想象，这不仅会刮坏衣服，同时也会影响答题的速度。梅小姐一脸的怒气要求监考老师换桌子，可监考老师说：“现在不能换，别违反考场纪律！”梅小姐气得柳眉倒竖，连说：“真倒霉，不考了。”任小姐见了连忙打圆场说：“有几颗钉子算什么！”梅小姐说：“你说得轻松，这可是三颗钉子，躲都躲不过去呢！”任小姐说：“你太幸运了，我还求之不得呢！”梅小姐说：“你别拿我开心了，这么倒霉的事要让你碰上，你还能说幸运？”任小姐说：“你知道这三颗钉子说明了什么吗？这叫板上钉钉！说明你今天的三科考试铁定了都能过关。”梅小姐听后马上转怒为喜：“借你的吉言，我今天要是三科都及格了请你去吃麦当劳。”结果一个月后发布成绩，梅小姐果然三科都顺利过关。 桌上有三颗大钉子本是很恼人的，更何况是参加考试？但任小姐却在梅小姐气恼成怒的时候，用一句百姓常说的“板上钉钉”的俗语与三科考试联系起来，作了积极的联想，解释为“三科铁定了都能及格”，这正中了梅小姐的下怀，岂不皆大欢喜？ （2）打车拉过了头——讲课会有突破 有一次，姚丽陪同事王艳打的去市里讲公开课，在车上她们还在不停地研究着怎样才能把课讲好，结果不知不觉车开过了头。王艳又着急又生气，责怪司机没及时提醒她。司机也不示弱说：“多拉了你这么远，我还没管你多要钱呢，你还来责怪我，你自己是干什么的？”姚丽一看他们争吵起来，灵机一动地说：“王艳，你可万别生气，车开过了头这是一个好兆头，这说明你今天的公开课会有突破的。”王艳听后高兴地说：“真的？你咋不早说呢！”司机也为姚丽的机智喝彩说：“还是这位小姐会说话，通情理！”结果不仅平息了一场无谓的争吵，而且使王艳带着好心情讲课，发挥得很好，公开课讲得特别成功，还获了一等奖呢！ 车拉过了头，按常理不应该怨司机，可因讲课而着急的王艳却责怪司机，司机岂能容忍？在双方即将接火之际，姚丽机智地由“拉过了头”联想到“突破”的概念，将之解释为“讲课一定会有突破”，既灭了王艳的“火”，让她因为这个好兆头而高兴起来，同时也为司机解了围。 （3）做梦牙掉一块——办事打开缺口 李霞和阿云约好了晚上6点在楼下会合，一块去朋友家，她答应托朋友为阿云的女儿找工作。可直到6点10分了还不见阿云来，李霞便打她的手机催她。阿云接话说：“哎呀，我正要给你打电话和你商量呢！昨天晚上我做了个梦，梦见大牙掉了一块。听人说梦见掉牙不吉利，我心想着今天办事肯定不会顺利。咱们是不是改天再去？”李霞一听很生气。她得知阿云的迷信根深蒂固，便灵机一动地说：“你可真想错了，这是好梦啊！你梦见牙掉了一块而不是全部，那就叫打开缺口啊！这不正预示着今天的事一定能办成啊！”阿云一听果然高兴地惊叫起来：“哎呀，真的吗？还是你说得对，我信你的！”她俩如约而去，还真应验了，结果事办得十分顺利。 按照习俗、迷信的说法，梦见掉牙确实不吉利。可李霞却细心地抓住“梦见牙掉了一块而不是全部”这个细节，将之巧妙地解释为“打开缺口”，打消了阿云的顾虑，使她欣然如约。至于事办得顺利与否，则是一种偶然的因素。 （4）蛋糕盒裂开缝——以后“开心”过 青年教师赵威去为岳父过70岁生日。一位亲戚因故未来，托人送来一盒生日蛋糕。席间，当老岳父乐呵呵地打开蛋糕盒子时，脸色陡然阴沉了下来！快嘴的岳母心里装不住话，大声嚷了起来：“哟，这蛋糕盒子怎么裂开了一道缝？真是的……多不吉利！”欢乐的场面顿时有些凝固。这时，赵威急忙站起来端起一杯酒，笑着说：“爸爸，这可是您老寿星的好兆头啊！这就叫做70岁以后'开心'过！来，敬您一杯，愿您老今后的日子永远开心快乐！”这一解释，把岳父、岳母全部说“开心”了，大家一块高兴地笑了。 生日蛋糕盒开了缝，本是很偶然的，但在生日宴会这个一年一度的喜庆气氛里，确实是有些“不合时宜”。因为老年人往往比年轻人更讲究兆头。赵威巧妙地根据蛋糕“开心”的情状，顺着“开心”的情状想到了“开心”的生活，把蛋糕裂缝的“开心”转换成了高兴、快乐的“开心”，并融进了自己真诚的祝福，真是聪明而善解人意。 （5）怎么是个破货——破旧立新 家在农村的小朱正在举行婚礼。按照家乡风俗，新婚那天，新郎、新娘要入席吃茶用饭，然后分桌敬酒。小朱和新娘在众人簇拥下入席，各位来宾也分别入席，第一盘盛满喜糖和糕点的金色塑料盘，由一个帮忙的伙计端了上来。可是就在伙计把盘子放在餐桌上的时候，只听“咔嚓”一声脆响，盘子破裂了。宾客们听到刺耳的声音，全部的目光都扫了过来。端盘子的伙计吓了一跳，慌了神，脱口而出：“怎么是个破货？”这句话就像一声惊雷，气氛一下子紧张了。小朱见此情景，灵机一动，高声说：“破旧立新，移风易俗，我们带了个好头啊！”听了他的话，全场一片欢腾。 打破了装喜糖的盘子本来已经让人们感到震惊和不祥，再加上端盘子伙计的一句话，更让当时的情况雪上加霜。小朱抓住这个“破”字做文章，赋予其“破旧立新”的意义，既激励人们打破陈规陋俗，符合年轻人新婚的场合，又迅速扭转了伙计不合时宜的话语造成的难堪局面，使婚礼得以顺利进行。 从以上五例不难看出，利用汉字中一字多义、一词多义的特点，将原来不吉祥、不中听的话语给以另一种意义的解释，确实是打圆场者应该把握的法宝。 面对一些突如其来的窘境，在当事人无法解释、无力摆脱与无可奈何的时候，第三者往往可以跳出固有的思维定势，从问题、事物或事件的反向去思考，做出让对方欢喜、满意的解释。这也是打圆场辞令中较高层次的方法。 一位中国人去美国探亲，他的姐夫在西雅图开了家餐厅。一天，他正帮大姐洗碗，忽然店堂传来一阵喧闹声。原来，餐厅为招揽生意，每当客人离座时，总要奉送点心一盒，内附精致“口彩卡”一张，上印“吉祥如意”、“幸福快乐”等吉利话。眼下店堂里一对新婚夫妇，原是老主顾，昨天他俩满怀喜悦地光顾。这天上午，他们打开点心盒，意外地发现竟没有往常的“口彩卡”。两位信奉上帝的虔诚的基督徒顿感太不吉利了，便来“兴师问罪”。新郎还算克制，只是追究原因，新娘却委屈得快要落泪了。身为招待的外甥女，自知忙中出错，急得张口结舌。大姐不断赔礼道歉，仍无济于事。去探亲的这位弟弟不慌不忙地跨到大姐跟前，微笑着，用不熟练的英语说道：“No news is the best news”（没有消息就是最好的消息）。一句话，使新娘破涕为笑，新郎也顿时喜上眉梢，高兴地和他握手拥抱，连连道谢。 这句平息风波的妙语就是反向思考的结果。没有吉利的话，这当然不好，但是否就是绝对的不好呢？反过来想一下，就想到了美国的一句谚语：“没有消息就是最好的消息”，妙语一下子就找到了，而因此引起的麻烦也自然消除了。 其实，生活中很多情况下的尴尬与僵局都是交际一方无意之间或因不了解对方而造成的，怀有恶意与歹念的情况并不多见。在这种尴尬的情况下，第三者是最合适的打破僵局的人选。如果第三者能根据具体情况将引起尴尬的事物、事件原来的概念、意义引申向别处，则会有效地化解尴尬僵局。 20世纪80年代末，老诗人严阵和青年女作家铁凝等访问美国。有一次他们去参观博物馆，开馆时间未到，他们便在广场上散步。恰巧有两位美国老人在旁休息，看见中国人来，他们很高兴地迎上来交谈，说中国人是他们最为敬仰的。其中一位老人为表达这种崇敬的感情，热烈地拥抱铁凝，并亲吻了一下。铁凝十分尴尬，不知所措。另一位老人抱怨那老人说，中国人不习惯这样。那拥抱过铁凝的老人，像犯了错误似的呆立一旁。严阵走上前去，微笑着说：“呵，尊敬的老先生，您刚才吻的不是铁凝，而是中国，对吧？”那老人马上朗声笑道：“对，对！我吻的是铁凝，也是中国！两种成分都有。”尴尬气氛在笑声中烟消云散了。 这里，老诗人严阵机智幽默地将美国老人吻铁凝这件事转移引申为“吻了中国”，把铁凝个人这个属概念引申为“中国”这个种概念，这就使当事人双方的紧张情绪得以缓解，从尴尬的气氛中跳了出来。而且，这种引申实际上也抬高了美国老人吻铁凝本身的意义，这种吻象征着一个美国人向开放的中国的致意！ 在交际活动中，交际的双方或局外人由于彼此不甚了解，常常会做出一些让对方迷惑不解的举动，导致尴尬、紧张场面的出现。为了缓解此种局面，我们可以采用故意曲解的策略，假装不明白尴尬举动的真实含义，而给出有利于局势好转的理解，进而一步步将局面朝有利的方向引导过去。 前苏联领导人戈尔巴乔夫偕夫人赖莎访美，在赴白宫出席里根的送别宴会的途中，他突然在闹市下车，和站在路旁的美国行人握手问好。苏联保安人员急忙将汽车扭转回头，冲下车，围上前去，并喝令站在戈尔巴乔夫身旁的美国人赶快把手从裤袋里抽出来（怕他们袋内藏有武器）。行人被搞得不知所措，有人责问这是为什么？站在戈尔巴乔夫身后的赖莎十分机智，赶快打圆场，向责问的美国人解释说：“他们的意思是要你们把手伸出来，跟我丈夫握手。” 这种随机应变、顺水推舟的圆场话真是两全其美，既维护了苏联领导人与美国人的友好感情，也消除了由此带来的尴尬局面。顿时，周围的美国人都伸出手来同戈尔巴乔夫等人握手致意。 在本例的交际场景中，交际的局外人——苏联保安人员出现了，由于他们按照自己的原则行事，以至于破坏了戈尔巴乔夫同美国市民的正常交际活动，使局面窘迫难堪。幸亏戈尔巴乔夫的夫人十分机智，适时地使用了故意曲解的技巧，把保安人员的举动解释为“请美国人握手”。这样，尴尬的局面不但顺利缓解，而且有力地推进了苏联领导人与美国民众的友好感情。 人们在交际中的困境与僵局之所以能使人“困”起来和“僵”起来，就因为当事人自己没能从固有习惯的思维圈子中跳出来。而打圆场者若想成功，就必须跳出原有的思维，把引起发生困境的事物、事件和问题调换一个角度重新向好的方面加以解释，从而使当事人认同这种全新的、吉祥的说法。 牡丹，是中国的传统名花，有“富贵花”之美誉。有一次，著名画家喻仲林开办画展，其中的一幅牡丹被一位老者买去。过了几天，老者忽然打一电话，坚决要求退还此画。他振振有词地说：“你的牡丹图中有一朵牡丹画在纸边上，只剩下半朵了，这叫做'富贵不全'，我总不能把'富贵不全'挂在家里呀！” 喻仲林听后，略加思索，故作惊讶地答道：“哦，你把它叫做'富贵不全'呀，我这里也给它一个画题，叫做'富贵无边'。” 老者一听，连声称好，再也不提退货的事了。 上例中，老者把画在纸边上的半朵牡丹理解为“富贵不全”，以此来责备画家，未免有一点强辞夺理。然而画家顺着对方的思路，调换了一个角度，却得出了另一种“富贵无边”的解释。可谓想法独特，道理充分，寓意吉祥，终于使有些偏执的老者连连称好，立刻认同并喜欢上这种吉庆的说法。