Chapter 5 Chapter 3 Eloquence requires etiquette

In this chapter we mainly discuss the etiquette issues when speaking. It is very important to pay attention to necessary etiquette when speaking. level of respect.Some of the content in this chapter, such as the first language and the use of body postures such as standing posture, have been briefly introduced before. This chapter will mainly introduce it from the perspective of interests, in order to make readers realize the appropriate body language importance. The so-called acronym is to convey information through head movements.It includes nodding, shaking the head, tilting the head, raising the head, bowing the head, etc.The acronym mentioned here only refers to the information conveyed by the overall activities of the head, and does not include the information conveyed by the organs of the head.

Nodding can express the following meanings: agreement, salutation, affirmation, recognition, agreement, thanks, promise, satisfaction, and can also express understanding, obedience and other emotions.Shaking the head expresses the following meanings: dissatisfaction, doubt, opposition, negation, rejection, disagreement, incomprehension, helplessness, etc.Tilting the head (sideways) also has multiple meanings: it means thinking; it means innocence. For example, when children are listening to adults or thinking about a problem, they like to tilt their heads and rest their cheeks.Head up can be used to express confidence, victory, defiant, proud and complacent, etc.The head is thrown back all the time, also expressing intoxication.The emotions expressed by bowing the head include: obedience, obedience, grievance, and other thoughts.

We should pay attention to the following principles in the use of the first language: First, the action should be obvious, especially when it performs a substitute function, such as nodding or shaking the head, let the other party see clearly and understand correctly.The second is to pay attention to the use of other communicative languages.If you cooperate with "um" when nodding, there will be no misunderstanding.It can also be used in conjunction with other body language.There are many idioms that embody this characteristic, such as "nodding and bowing", "strutting" and so on.Third, pay attention to some cultural differences.For example, the Serbs in the former Yugoslavia expressed their agreement by stretching their heads forward, and the Turks expressed their negation by raising their heads. Especially some ethnic groups in Bulgaria and India, they nod to express negation and shake their heads to express affirmation, which is exactly the opposite of our habit. .This requires us to figure out their habits before interacting with these ethnic groups with cultural differences.

Sign language is also a very expressive body language, and it is one of the powerful means of expressing emotions.Sign language is to convey information through the upper limbs, especially the hands. It is a very expressive body language that can make up for the lack of oral language and facial expressions. The proper use of sign language can help express special emotions.Gestures must not be abused regardless of time, place, or occasion.Sign language should be graceful and generous, and the range, posture, and frequency of using sign language should be in harmony with spoken language and facial expressions.If you abuse gestures subconsciously, the other party will misinterpret what you mean, and even be considered uneducated and cause resentment.

In our daily life, gesture language is used in a wide range and at a high frequency.For example: when we "take a taxi" on the street, the driver will know what you mean by waving your hand; Hands represent embarrassment; crossed hands represent self-confidence and a sense of superiority; spread hands represent frankness or helplessness. In Europe, it is customary for people to greet each other by "waving their hands" when they meet.The specific method is: extend the arm forward, palm outward, but the arm does not move, just swing up and down with the fingers.If Europeans move their whole hand back and forth, it means "no", "no", "disagree" or "no".Americans always wave their hands when greeting.And in many parts of the world, waving is a sign to let someone go.In Greece and Nigeria, waving your whole hand in front of others is considered extremely insulting, and the closer the distance, the more insulting it is.In Peru, moving the whole hand back and forth means "come here".

It can be seen that sign language cannot be abused and must be properly used in a suitable context. Finger language is a kind of sign language, which refers to the transmission of information through various movements of fingers.This body language has been widely used since ancient times.In one of Han Yu's epitaphs, there is a sentence "weeping at the sky and weeping, vowing that life and death will not bear each other's burden".Among them, "pointing to the sun" is to strengthen the unchanging wish of "swearing to death".In addition, in the case of a language barrier, sign language also has an alternative function.In addition, finger language also has the function of transmitting information, which is a social and national convention, which brings convenience to communication.

The gesture of "stretching up the little finger" means "little", "insignificant", "worst", "last name" and "last one" in China, and it is extended to express "contempt"; in Japan, it means "woman" and "girl". """lover""; "wife" "concubine" "girlfriend" in Korea; "little man" "young" "insignificant" in the Philippines; "cowardly man" or "bet" in the United States; Nigeria People stretch out their little fingers, which means "bet"; in Thailand and Saudi Arabia, they stretch out their little fingers to each other, indicating that they are "friends" or willing to "make friends"; in Myanmar and India, this gesture means "want to go bathroom".

Similarly, there are some principles in the use of finger language.First, look at the context.Use specific finger language when appropriate, otherwise it will be a joke.Second, don't abuse finger language.In the process of talking with others, making unfriendly gestures will have unexpected consequences.Finally, pay attention to the frequency and swing amplitude of your fingers.If the frequency is too much and the amplitude is too large, it will give people the impression of lack of self-cultivation if it is light, and it will give people the feeling of stretching their teeth and claws.

The most commonly used finger language in our country is thumbs up, which means "first" and "great".If you can use fingering properly, it can make the conversation easier and more cordial. Seeing this topic, you may say, isn't it easy to applaud?Just clap your palms together.In fact, clapping also has a certain amount of knowledge, so here is a brief introduction. Applause is a body language in which communicators convey information by clapping their hands together and making a sound.It is also often used in communication.Applause has three characteristics: First, its expression is relatively simple, not as complicated as shaking hands.Generally, there are two kinds of information to be conveyed: one is positive, expressing welcome, thanks, support, praise, etc.; the other is negative, expressing dissatisfaction, booing, and applauding. Civilized.Second, applause is generally used to replace spoken language and convey information, and its function of substitution is very prominent.Generally, no words are spoken when applauding, and the applause itself is a statement.Third, the language of applause is more often used in the public to express the will and attitude of the whole.At this time, it is not necessary for everyone to speak up. Due to the large number of people, there is no condition for everyone to speak up.

When using applause, you need to pay attention to the following points: First, different situations require different levels of applause.Generally speaking, there are three levels of applause: the first is social applause, with small movements and soft voice, not for a long time, and it is just a polite expression; the second is more excited, this kind of applause The applause from the heart is generally louder and louder, and the feeling is more enthusiastic; the third type is more fanatical, and the mood is hard to restrain.Depending on the situation at the time, use them differently.Second, grasp the timing and applaud when it is time to applaud.Third, decide whether to applaud or not to applaud according to the occasion and object.Applause is not only a kind of etiquette, but also a kind of moral fashion.When watching a game, respect both sides and give the same applause to leave a good impression on both the audience and the guests.

Raising or waving your arms to convey affection, we call it waving.In movies, we often see such scenes: on the battlefield, when it is time to charge, the commander will usually wave his right hand and start to charge.Not only is it an action command, it's also a morale booster.Generally speaking, the functions of waving are as follows: (1) Stand up straight without shaking or walking. (2) Look at each other, don't look around, look elsewhere. (3) You can use your right hand or both hands, don't just use your left hand to wave. (4) Stretch your arms forward as far as possible, do not stretch too low or bend too much. (5) Palms facing outwards, fingertips facing upwards, arms waving left and right; say goodbye with both hands, waving both hands from outside to inside at the same time, do not shake up and down or hold still. (1) Stand upright with a smile on your face, look at each other, and nod slightly. (2) Gently extend the arms from bottom to top, and stretch out to the side. The arms can be fully straightened or slightly bent. (3) When paying tribute, stretch out your palms, palms facing outwards, and fingertips pointing upwards. (4) Do not swing your arms back and forth to the left and right. Waving is also a very expressive body language, but it should not be used too frequently.The use should be based on the specific situation and the needs of expressive expression. In today's society, the transmission of information through people's body posture is not only the basic requirement of "self-cultivation and self-cultivation", but also an important body language used to express appearance and convey information. Body posture plays an important role in shaping a person's overall image.A person's body posture is equally important as a person's appearance, and together they show a person's temperament and demeanor.If you "stand without standing", "sitting without sitting", no matter how beautiful your appearance is, it will be greatly reduced.Appearance is innate, but body posture can be changed to the ideal posture through acquired training. Body language consists of two parts.One refers to the spatial distance between the speaking parties, and the other refers to various body postures.Here we mainly discuss the overall requirements for the use of body language: accuracy, moderation, naturalness, decentness, harmony and unity. Sitting posture language is a language that conveys information through various sitting postures.In ancient my country, it was very particular, the so-called "standing has a standing posture, and sitting has a sitting posture". Sitting postures include sitting and sitting postures.Take your seat lightly and slowly, walk to the seat, turn around, and sit down quietly without making any loud noises.The lady should push the skirt forward with her hands.After sitting down, keep your upper body straight, keep your head upright, and look straight ahead or the person you are talking to.The back of the back is slightly leaned against the back of the chair. In formal occasions, or if there are venerables present, the seats cannot be filled, and generally only occupy 2/3 of the seats.Put the palms of both hands down on top of the legs. The legs are naturally bent, the calves are basically perpendicular to the ground, and the feet are flat on the ground. The distance between the knees is suitable for men to loosen one or two punches, and for women It is better not to loosen.In informal occasions, it is allowed to stack or tilt your legs after sitting down. When crossing, try to keep them close together above the knees. No matter what kind of sitting position, you should naturally relax and smile.In social situations, do not lean your head up on the back of the seat or look down at the ground; do not lean your body forward or backward, or tilt to one side; do not make redundant movements with your hands; do not spread your legs too far apart, and do not put your The calf rests on the thigh, let alone stretch the legs straight, or shake them repeatedly.These are signs of lack of breeding and arrogance. In communication, what kind of sitting posture to choose is limited by the context, and we should choose the appropriate sitting posture according to the occasion.Using correct and appropriate posture language can cooperate with vocal language to convey information more effectively and vividly. Using it well can enhance the expression effect of vocal language. Even when it is inconvenient or unwilling to speak, clever use of body language can receive silent victory Sound effects. A person's sitting posture is the embodiment of his self-cultivation and personality.A decent sitting posture can create a good image of the speaker, otherwise it will be offensive.From this point of view, it can also be said to be "sitting like a person". Standing posture can also be called standing posture, and standing posture language is a language that conveys information through standing posture.A person’s state can be seen from a person’s standing posture. Many people like to use one leg as a support when standing. It is a very relaxed state. Some people like to lean on something. The standing posture used in formal occasions makes people feel slack and impolite. We must pay attention to standing upright, with a straight back and straight eyes, showing a happy and confident feeling. Standing is one of the most basic behaviors in people's life, work and communication.The correct standing posture is to stand upright, stable, natural and kind.The upper body is upright, the head is upright, the eyes are flat, the face is smiling, the lower jaw is slightly retracted, the shoulders are flat and the chest is straight, the waist is straight and the abdomen is straight, the arms are naturally drooping, the legs are close to each other and upright, the feet are close together, and the toes are in a "V" shape.Women can keep their feet together and feel a slight contraction in their muscles.If you stand for too long, you can alternately take a step back with your left or right foot, but your upper body must still be straight, your outstretched feet should not be stretched too far, your legs should not be too far apart, and your changes should not be too frequent.When standing, if the whole body is not straight enough, the feet are spread too far, the feet are moving freely, listless, free and loose, it will be considered indecent or disrespectful. The standing posture can be divided into solemn and serious type, respectful and modest type, arrogant and conceited type and rude and vulgar type.Among the four different forms are arrogant (typically standing with arms crossed, feet outstretched, reclining, leering) and rude (usually shown as leaning with one leg in the Front, one leg behind, or standing with crossed knees, shaking toes), for an educated, status, and sociable person, it should be avoided as much as possible.No matter what the attitude of the other party is, and no matter whether the communication is smooth or not, you must pay attention to your own image and not be rude. Gait language, or walking gesture language, is a language that conveys information through walking gait.Different from sitting posture language and standing posture language, step posture language is dynamic, so it should be put into dynamic study. The manager made a year-end summary report in the auditorium, announced the list of year-end awards, and read the name of a staff member. At this time, everyone urged him to come to the stage to receive the award.From stepping out of the seat to receiving the prize, this process needs to change and use three gait postures, from the initial stable and contented type to the free and easy type, and then to the solemn and etiquette type. It is this change in gait posture that adapts to the needs of communication , to leave a good impression on people. Briefly describe the three types of gait mentioned above.The so-called stable and self-satisfied type means that when walking, the gait is steady, the head is held high, the stride is looked up, the pace is slower, and the stride is larger.The meaning of this gait is "happy, self-satisfied, and proud."The free and relaxed type refers to the relaxed mood when walking, the pace is moderate, the pace is not too fast, the upper body is upright, the eyes are looking straight, and the hands are swinging naturally.The meaning of this gait is "comfortably relaxed, relatively calm".The dignified etiquette type means that when walking, the upper body is straight, the steps are vigorous, the knees are slightly bent, the gait range and speed are moderate, the steps and hand swings have a strong sense of rhythm, and the eyes are straight ahead.The meaning of this gait is "serious, warm and polite".Also introduce a contemplative pacing gait.When walking, the step speed is fast and sometimes slow. When it is fast, the steps are more rapid. When it is slow, look down at the ground and walk slowly, or occasionally raise your head to look at it. Under normal circumstances, people are only required to walk steadily and freely, the steps should not be too large, and the swing of the arms should be coordinated with the steps.Lift your feet up with each step, and keep your shoes from dragging on the floor.Women's walking posture should be stable and generous, with a little restraint, and avoid coquettishness and affectation.Doing this is basic courtesy. We all know that a handshake is a way to express friendliness. In fact, the emotions that a handshake can express are much more complex and subtle.Let me talk about the specific etiquette of shaking hands first. When shaking hands, you must shake hands with your right hand, and hold each other's hand tightly. The time is generally 1 to 3 seconds.Of course, it's impolite to shake hands too tightly, or to casually touch someone's hand with only your fingers.After being introduced, it is best not to reach out immediately.When a young person or a person with a low position is introduced to an elder or a person with a high position, he should act according to the reaction of the elder or a person with a high position. Those who are lower should also nod accordingly.When shaking hands with young women or women from other countries, generally men should not reach out first.When shaking hands, young people should bow slightly to the elders, and those with low positions should shake hands with those with high positions.Sometimes to express special respect, you can greet with both hands.When a man shakes hands with a woman, it is generally only appropriate to hold the woman's fingers lightly.Men should take off their hats when shaking hands, and avoid shaking hands with gloves.When shaking hands, keep your eyes on each other, smile or say hello, and shake hands with multiple people in sequence, and avoid cross-shaking.It is impolite to refuse the other party's offer to shake hands under any circumstances, but when there is water or unclean hands, you should refuse to shake hands, and you must explain and apologize.The strength of the handshake varies from person to person.When meeting for the first time, it is not advisable to shake hands with people who are not familiar with each other.If the two parties are acquaintances and meet occasionally, they can use appropriate force or prolong the time of holding each other; no matter whether they are familiar or not, it is not advisable to use too much force.Pay attention to the occasion and proportion when shaking hands.When shaking hands with foreign guests, you should take into account the other party's customs and habits, and at the same time be warm, friendly, generous, neither humble nor overbearing. There are many functions of shaking hands, such as expressing friendship, sincerity, best wishes, understanding, cooperation, expectation, encouragement, welcome, farewell, enthusiasm, full of confidence, reaching an agreement, eliminating misunderstandings and so on. Modern society is a civilized society that pays attention to grooming.From a person's dress, we can see a person's aesthetic level, cultural accomplishment and overall quality.A neat and elegant appearance can not only show your own personality charm, but also reflect your politeness to others. Dressing has an obvious information hint function. The color, style, grade and collocation of clothing can all show a person's personality hobbies, cultural accomplishment, life and customs.Studies have shown that people who dress well have a stronger sense of self-esteem and work responsibility, while those who dress too casually tend to be informal.In the first contact, people who pay attention to clothing and dress can leave a deep impression on people.Below we will briefly introduce the "TPO" principle in dressing up. In terms of clothing, you must fully obey the internationally recognized "TPO" principle. T (Time) refers to time, which means that clothing must be decided according to time. This is a broad concept. It not only refers to seasons, seasons, but also refers to specific months or days of the week. It can also be specific to day, night, hour, hour.A person who still wears a dark long-sleeved uniform in the dog days will not give a good first impression. P (Place) refers to the location, place, position, position, that is, the dress should be coordinated with the occasion. O (Object) stands for purpose, goal, object, trying to achieve the purpose of leaving an impression on the other party by dressing up, and choose clothing with a goal. Specifically, dressing should be natural and decent, coordinated and generous, and must abide by certain customary norms or principles.Clothes must not only adapt to their own specific conditions, but also must always pay attention to the dress requirements of the objective environment and occasions, that is, the three major elements of time, place and purpose should be given priority when dressing and dressing, and efforts should be made to make all aspects of dressing and dressing consistent with time, time, and purpose. The location and purpose are consistent. A person's behavior is like a mirror, reflecting his cultural connotation, knowledge level and moral cultivation.A person's behavior is the silent language in social interaction, and it is the external expression of personal character, quality, taste, accomplishment, spiritual world and living habits.In daily life, to see whether a person's behavior is elegant or vulgar is actually to see whether his behavior meets the requirements of etiquette.Some people are careless in personal behavior, and regard uncivilized behavior in daily life as a trivial matter, without paying attention and attention.In fact, civilized behavior starts with small things.For example, offering your seat to the old, the weak, the sick, the disabled, and pregnant women on the bus may seem trivial, but it reflects your cultural literacy and civilization.Civilized behavior can often leave a deep impression on people and make people willing to get close to you; while vulgar behavior will alienate people and will definitely affect the development of your social activities.From this point of view, personal behavior is not a trivial matter. In interpersonal communication, one should make one's behavior conform to the requirements of civilized norms.To achieve civilized behavior, we must first overcome the vague idea that behavior is a small issue, we must focus on small things, start with small things, and start from me; secondly, we must pay attention to the cultivation and accumulation of civilized behavior.Only in this way can one become a person of noble character.To develop good habits of behavior, we should also pay attention to two points: first, pay attention to politeness and etiquette, polite manners are the expression of self-sincerity, and a person's external behavior can directly express his attitude.Secondly, we must develop various good personal habits and overcome various indecent behaviors. The third president of the United States, Jefferson, and his grandson were driving out in a carriage. On the road, they met a strange slave who took off his hat and bowed to them.Jefferson saluted by raising his hat, but his grandson was too busy talking to the slave to pay any attention.Jefferson said solemnly: "My child, do you allow a slave to be more gentlemanly than you?" Gentlemanship is mentioned here, and we always talk about it in our daily life. This person has gentlemanliness, and that person does not. Wait, so what exactly is gentlemanliness?Generally speaking, the minimum content of a gentleman's demeanor is to be polite, courteous, well-dressed, well-behaved, and well-educated.Gentleman's demeanor, in the traditional sense, generally belongs to those who are relatively wealthy, well-educated and well-educated.But being rich doesn’t necessarily mean showing a good gentlemanly demeanor. In our society, there are more and more rich people, but there are not many people with gentlemanly demeanor. People look sideways, some people wear suits and leather shoes, famous brands, but in fact they are full of rice bran, what a pity for his good outfit. We believe that behind the demeanor, it often depends on knowledge and talent to support it, otherwise it is ostentatious.The so-called "poetry and book spirit in the stomach" is also the same reason.The beauty of demeanor is not only external beauty, it has profound inner meaning.Excellent quality, profound knowledge, broad-mindedness, strong will, open-minded temperament, lofty ideals, and sincere concern are quite appealing and highly praised by people.And these are obtained through personal cultivation.Moreover, beautiful demeanor is actually inseparable from beautiful speech and manners. Wisdom in speech and elegance in manners are the cosmetology of demeanor.And free and easy appearance, thoughtful etiquette are also essential.In addition, a sincere and frank attitude and a full and high-spirited state of mind are also indispensable elements of good demeanor.