Chapter 4 Chapter Two The Essential Principles of Good Eloquence

In the process of speaking, we must also follow certain principles, such as: speak lively, speak closely to the purpose, and so on.On the other hand, in order to make our speaking language richer, it is necessary for us to continuously increase our various knowledge in our daily life. To sum up, the purpose of speaking is nothing more than the following five types: Adhering to the principle of speaking according to purpose, we must first clarify the purpose of speaking in public.When the purpose is clear, your conversations and social interactions can often achieve good results. Only when the purpose is clear can you know what topics and materials to prepare, what style of speaking to adopt, and what skills to use, so as to be targeted and on the spot strain.If the purpose is unclear, aimless, regardless of the occasion, it is inevitable to talk about it, making people confused and at a loss.So every time before speaking, you might as well think about it: "Why should I say it?" Or, "Why do people want me to say it?" Think about the possible effects in advance, and take the expected effects as the goal to work hard for.Otherwise, the purpose will not be achieved, and sometimes even jokes will be made.It is said that there is a person who often deviates from the topic in his speeches and fails to get to the point.When he got married, the master of ceremonies at the wedding asked him to speak, and he said: "I sincerely thank everyone for coming to our wedding in spite of their busy schedules. This is a great encouragement, encouragement, and concern for us. .Because we are married for the first time and lack experience, we still need more help, support and guidance from you in the future. There is a lack of hospitality today. We welcome your valuable suggestions so that we can improve next time." Polite, but actually ridiculous and inappropriate.The speaker fires cannons without clearly clarifying the purpose of his speech.

The realization of the purpose of public speaking requires self-control and constant adjustment during the speaking process.Human verbal communication is a very complicated process. When the expressing party sends out the discourse information according to the expected purpose, or because of improper wording or lack of understanding of the communication object, which causes misunderstanding or disgust of the other party, it must be controlled and adjusted. In other words, make the other party easy to understand and be willing to accept; sometimes the initial stage of the conversation is carried out according to the original purpose, but in the middle of the conversation, or due to changes in the response of the other party and the surrounding situation, or due to interest, the conversation ends. If you get the topic and deviate from the original purpose, you also need to consciously control and adjust your speaking behavior in order to return to the original topic.This is the optimal control means to achieve the purpose of speaking.

In addition to the above-mentioned methods of exchanging essentials, the common ways of speaking according to the purpose include step-by-step guidance, tit-for-tat confrontation, pretending to be deaf and dumb, answering irrelevant questions, following what one likes, following tricks, and being tactful and subtle.We will set up a chapter below to describe it in detail. No one will maintain a strong interest in unchanging, rigid, and boring speeches. In the process of speaking in public, we must pay attention to flexible and vivid words, and constantly provide novelty and stimulation to the audience. Only in this way can we achieve the purpose of transmitting information step by step.The principle of lively speaking, which reflects the level of speaking, is mainly manifested in three aspects:

Changeable styles.Zhuge Liang's tongue-to-mouth battle against Confucianism properly targets different objects and adopts a variety of speech styles.Facing the provocations of the Confucian ministers and ministers who secretly harbored the intention of surrendering Cao in Soochow, Zhuge Liang talked and laughed happily, his words were sharp and witty, such as talking about Zhang Zhao and Bu Zhi; ; or impassioned, such as Yu Fan, severe; It is said that once, the disciples of the master of Chinese painting Zhang Daqian held a farewell banquet for him, and celebrities from all walks of life were invited to attend.Mr. Daqian has always been aloof.Everyone sat down at the table, unavoidably a little cautious. After the banquet started, Mr. Daqian toasted to Mr. Mei Lanfang, the master of Peking Opera: "Mr. Mei, you are a gentleman, and I am a villain. Let me toast you first!" All the guests After hearing this, Mr. Mei was surprised, "How do you say that?" Mr. Daqian replied with a smile: "You sing and talk, you are a gentleman; I paint and do it, I am a villain! "So all the guests in the hall couldn't stop laughing, and Mr. Mei was also overjoyed. He raised his glass and drank it all. The atmosphere of the banquet was very lively.Mr. Daqian swept away his usual aloofness, and achieved the purpose of speaking in public with a humorous discourse style - skillfully adjusting the atmosphere and showing the master's superior speaking level.

The so-called perspective is the angle from which people observe things.The same thing, observed from different angles, the results of its sensory cognition will be different.The perspective of speech expression is a very important factor in verbal communication.Human thoughts are nothing more than the words "feeling" and "meaning"; a speech, a speech, expressive expressions, and the perspective of expression should also be changed at will, changing with emotion, such as: The famous American writer Mark Twain was good at using multiple angles to express his ideas and even deal with criticism.When answering a reporter's question at a reception, he said: "Some congressmen in the U.S. Congress are sons of bitches." The reporter revealed this statement through the news media.Congressmen in Washington were furious and demanded an apology and clarification from Mark Twain, otherwise they would sue him legally.A few days later, the "New York Times" published Mark Twain's apology to the federal congressmen: "After thinking about it, I feel that this statement is inappropriate and does not conform to the facts. Therefore, I hereby publish a statement in the newspaper. The words are revised as follows: 'Some members of the United States Congress are not sons of dogs and bitches'." Mark Twain cleverly used different perspectives of affirmation and negation to express the same thinking form in different sentence patterns. It seems different, but in fact he still expresses himself contempt and contempt.

Changeable sentence patterns Human language is rich and colorful, and it is necessary to vividly use the rich and changeable oral sentence patterns to directly express the purpose of speech.This feature can be seen in various forms of eloquence, such as daily speech, social conversations, conference reports, program hosts, debates, promotions, and tour guides.Specifically, the variability of sentence patterns is mainly manifested in the fact that there are not only common subject-predicate sentences, but also many non-subject-predicate sentences, such as famous sentences, verb sentences, and adjective sentences;For example, when the Japanese invaders bombed Tianjin’s “Nankai” into a mess, many people lamented: “Nankai has become difficult to open!” Zhang Boling, the president of Nantah University at the time, heard this and said: “It is difficult to open? Then we need to add a punctuation: ‘Difficult, Open!'" Here, Principal Zhang cleverly uses punctuation to turn the partial phrase "difficult to open" into a complex sentence with a turning point, and expresses the meaning and emotion of advancing despite difficulties and becoming stronger in the face of setbacks.Afterwards, someone wrote a special article "A Punctuation Shows Personality" for this purpose, which shows the artistic charm of changing sentence patterns.

Zhou Enlai once answered reporters' questions at a press conference.A western reporter asked maliciously: "May I ask, Mr. Prime Minister, are there prostitutes in China?" Zhou Enlai replied seriously: "Yes." Taiwan Province." As soon as he finished speaking, the audience burst into applause.The Western reporter went on to say: "Excuse me, how much money does the People's Bank of China have?" This sentence is essentially ridiculing the poverty of our country.At this time, Zhou Enlai replied in a humorous tone: "The monetary funds of the People's Bank of China are 18 yuan, 80 cents and 8 cents." Explanation.The Prime Minister went on to say: "The People's Bank of China issues 10 main and auxiliary currencies with denominations of 10 yuan, 5 yuan, 2 yuan, 1 yuan, 5 cents, 2 cents, 1 cent, 5 cents, 2 cents, and 1 cent. The total is 18 yuan. 8 jiao 8 cents. The People’s Bank of China is a financial institution run by the Chinese people, backed by the people of the whole country, with outstanding credit and strong strength, and the currency it issues enjoys a high reputation in the world.” warm applause from the audience.People can't help but be impressed by Zhou Enlai's ability to control words with witty words.So, how to obtain this control ability?Carefully ponder Zhou Enlai's fluent eloquence in answering, you can get a lot of inspiration.

There must be a strong sense of self-confidence. Lincoln said: "No matter how people hate me, as long as they are willing to give me a chance to say a few words, I can persuade them." How confident is this!All leaders in history have this strong sense of self-confidence, especially many revolutionary leaders. "This army has an indomitable spirit. It wants to overwhelm all enemies and never be surrendered by the enemy." This kind of fearless heroism comes from firm trust in one's own army.Only with this kind of firm trust can one be confident in one's point of view and the purpose of one's own expression. Only when expressing can one express oneself with ease, think quickly, and remember accurately. If you are handy and have both ways, you will be unaffected and real, which will produce strong appeal and persuasion, so that the purpose of expression can be best realized.A timid and hesitant person without a goal will not be able to exert the power of public speech, and the purpose of his speech will be impossible to achieve.

You must have a wealth of knowledge and experience, and be fully familiar with the expressive materials, "Ask where the canal is so clear, only the source of the flowing water."The wise and humorous conversations of many great men and celebrities like Mao Zedong and Zhou Enlai are all based on profound knowledge and rich experience.Therefore, to have good eloquence, one must read more, participate in more practice, and store up knowledge by making cards and other methods, so that there are materials to use when speaking.When speaking specifically, you should be fully familiar with the materials expressed.The familiarity mentioned here not only refers to the clear understanding and clear memory of the materials, but also includes the different choices and preparations made according to the type of expression.For example, in the expression of "telling people about things", mainly rely on the use of memory to accurately explain and explain the status and characteristics of related people or things, so that the other party can accurately understand the information you convey; In the expression ", it is required to express one's superb understanding in order to influence the other party persuasively, so that people can establish new viewpoints or strengthen existing concepts; in the expression "moving people with emotion", it is necessary to be sincere Express the rich emotions of the pre-experience in order to greatly infect the audience; make it further sublimated.

In short, extensive knowledge and rich experience can enable people to speak in public on the basis of mastering a large amount of materials, and the audience can obtain useful information from them. Conditions, as the saying goes, "enrichment is the premise of self-confidence." Be flexible in thinking and quick in thinking In social life, you can often see some people who have read a lot and have a lot of experience.But they may not be flexible in thinking and quick in thinking. They can only seek common ground when thinking about problems, and they will not seek differences. Therefore, their words often fail to resonate with the audience and fail to achieve the purpose of communication. We must take them as a warning and pay attention to speech form flexibility.

The identity of the audience in public speaking is complex, which requires the speaker to have a strong sense of the object in order to treat them differently.If you talk "without looking at the target, without looking at the target", the effect will definitely not be good.Deng Xi in the Spring and Autumn Period said: "The skill of a husband's speech, when speaking with a wise man, depends on his broadness; when speaking with a debater, he depends on the essentials; If you speak to the brave, you must rely on the courage; if you speak to the fool, you must speak." Deng Xi's words boiled down to one point, which is to adopt different countermeasures for different objects and different situations of the objects. Words vary from person to person and are treated differently.Japanese social psychologist Gu Yanhe Xiao said very pertinently: "Even if the most effective sender disseminates the most effective information content, if the attitude and conditions of the receiver are not considered, the maximum effect cannot be expected." Two students of Confucius, Zilu and Ranyou, asked Confucius the same question, but got completely different answers from Confucius.According to records: Once, Zilu asked Confucius: "After learning the rites and music, can I act?" Confucius said: "How can I act when my father and brother are around? You should first listen to the opinions of your father and brother." Then Ran You When asked the same question, Confucius said: "Okay, after learning the rites and music, you should act immediately!" Another student of Confucius, Gong Xihua, was puzzled by this, so he asked Confucius for advice.Confucius said: "Ran You is usually afraid of wolves and tigers. You should encourage him to go forward bravely. But Zilu is so brave and a little reckless. You should let him calm down." He is an outstanding educator and eloquent speaker.If you talk "without a target" and don't look at the target, the effect will definitely not be good.It can be seen that the speaker should adopt different strategies and different speech expressions for different objects and different situations of the objects. Words vary from person to person and are treated differently. First of all, we must distinguish the level of cultural knowledge of the listener.For example: A census taker asked a rural old lady: "Do you have a spouse?" The old man laughed for a long time, and then asked: "What spouse?" , Said: "If you say that the wife is not enough, how can we understand what spouses you cultural people are talking about?" Then when we speak in public, because we usually face a large audience, the composition of the personnel is complex, and the level of knowledge is uneven, this requires us to consider this even more, taking into account the minimum education level of most of the audience, and try to use simple For example, a scientist made the following explanation in order to eliminate the common fear among the masses: "During the establishment of the nuclear power plant, a series of strict preventive measures have been taken, so the surrounding environment is not affected. The impact of radioactivity is negligible. Residents near nuclear power plants receive only 0.3 millirem of radiation per year, while smoking 10 cigarettes a day has 50 to 100 millirem; watching color TV once has 1 millirem, even the worst in the history of nuclear power plant development. In the Three Mile Island nuclear power plant accident in the United States, the radiation dose received by the residents around the power plant was only 1.5 millirem, which was not as large as that received by wearing a large light watch. In addition to the toxic gas and soot emitted by the coal power plant, there is also radioactive pollution. According to a systematic comparison of the dangers of 11 energy sources including nuclear energy, coal, oil, water power, wind power, and solar energy, nuclear energy is the safest energy source other than natural gas..." In this explanation, nuclear scientists compare the obscure nuclear professional knowledge with the familiar daily knowledge of the public, and adjust their speaking skills according to the knowledge level of the audience, so that people who lack basic scientific knowledge will also be convinced of the safety of nuclear power plants.The words vary from person to person, and they are treated differently. Secondly, it is necessary to distinguish the ideological status and emotional needs of the listener. Han Feizi pointed out in "Shuo Nan": "Everything that is difficult to say lies in the heart that knows what to say." It is far away. Those who say it is based on huge profits, but they say it because of their reputation, they will see things that are unintentional and far away, and they will not accept it. Those who say that Yin is a big profit and appear to be famous, but they say it because of their reputation, The yang accepts his body, but the truth is sparse; if he speaks for huge profits, the yin uses his words to show off his body." Han Feizi clearly pointed out here that the key to admonishing lies in making one's words hit the opponent's point of view. psychology.If the other party asks for fame, if you use money to impress him, he will think you are not very moral and look down on you, so naturally he will not listen to you; Will take your opinion.Some people are yin and yang, and what they pretend on the surface is inconsistent with what they think in their hearts. Adopt your opinion secretly, but alienate you on the surface.What Han Feizi said is that the key is to ask people to explore the basic psychological state and inner desire of the audience when they speak, so as to hit the point and treat them differently. After the Xi'an Incident broke out in 1936, the officers under Zhang Xueliang and Yang Hucheng were emotional and demanded that Chiang Kai-shek be killed.After Zhou Enlai arrived in Xi'an, facing this group of officers who were extremely angry and spoke fiercely, according to their thoughts and feelings, he asked straight away: "It's not easy to kill him, just one sentence will do!" The deep thinking of the other party makes the angry people calm down in their thinking.But they still can't figure out their thoughts for a while, and they need some advice.Then Zhou Enlai guided in a persuasive manner: "What will happen after he is killed? What will happen to the situation? What will happen to the Japanese? What will the future of the country and the nation be like? Have you ever thought about it?" It was the questions that these officers should have thought about but didn't think about, which created a pressing situation and led their thinking to the depths.Then, Zhou Enlai analyzed it keenly and rationally: "The capture of Chiang Kai-shek this time is different from the capture of Kerensky during the October Revolution, and the capture of Napoleon at Waterloo. The former is the result of the victory of the revolution, while the latter is the tragedy of Napoleon's military defeat. Now, although Chiang Kai-shek has been captured, However, it did not eliminate his strength. Driven by the people’s anti-Japanese upsurge, and Britain and the United States also advocated a peaceful solution to the Xi’an Incident, it is possible to force Chiang to resist Japan. If we want to be patriotic, we must consider the interests of the country and the nation, regardless personal vendetta." These words finally hit the "hack" in the minds of the officers and untied the "knot" in their hearts. It can be seen that although people's mood is like a hare, it is alive and kicking, and it is difficult to catch, but as long as you are good at exploring from the outside to the inside through verbal representations and non-verbal behaviors, you can grasp the audience's needs, goals, and moods. Purpose, one hit. For example, in the 19th century, among the women of the upper class in Vienna, a hat with a tall tube and a wide brim was popular, and the brim was decorated with colorful feathers.As soon as the ladies entered the theater, the audience could only see the hats they were wearing, but not the stage. The theater manager had no choice but to ask the ladies to take off their hats again and again, but no one paid any attention.At this time, the manager had an idea, and according to the women's love of beauty and youth, they said: "Older women can take care of them without taking off their hats." As soon as the words came out, the ladies took off their hats one after another.Because they are faced with the choice between "beautiful women" and "old women". Of course, no one of the upper-class women in Vienna is willing to be old women. Isn't it the pursuit of beauty that they wear hats with high tubes and wide brims? Insight into and prediction of the other party's psychology is only to prepare for the choice of the best speaking form, not to expose the other's emotional secrets one by one. Therefore, the strategy of verbal communication should be to detect and not interfere.It can be seen that mastering the law of people's inner changes and prescribing the right medicine can hit the key point, and produce good speech effects with one hit. When anyone speaks in public, he expresses his thoughts and conveys information as his own owner.In order to achieve the desired effect of communication with each other, in addition to object awareness, there must also be self-identity awareness, that is, to speak appropriately, the choice of speech form must conform to one's own identity, and "speak what one should say".If you report your ideological work to your superiors as a subordinate, you should hold a respectful attitude and pay attention to the seriousness and due courtesy of your words.When talking with relatives and friends of the same generation, it is appropriate to be kind and natural, and it is not appropriate to be too "serious", otherwise there will be a sense of alienation.If you speak inappropriately and don't pay attention to your identity, the listener will always feel uncomfortable or even disgusted. This will definitely not achieve the purpose of communication, or even backfire. In order to conform to one's own role and identity when speaking in public, the first thing to do is to make the appellation and tone suitable.For example: An entrepreneur who is quite influential in the country due to reforms was late when he represented his factory to negotiate business with the director of another factory.And as soon as they met, they said solemnly: "I'm so busy that I can only spend a little time to meet you." As soon as these words came out, everyone was shocked.The factory manager of the other party was even more unhappy, and a business worth hundreds of thousands of dollars fell through.When manufacturers negotiate business, the status of both parties is equal.Being late is impolite, and the subtext of "I'm so busy" and "received" is: arrogant and domineering. Secondly, when speaking in public, you must pay attention to your multiple identities, and choose the appropriate expression method for different environments, so that the expression matches your own thoughts and emotions. As the saying goes, "Words are the voice of the heart", Mr. Lu Xun also said: "What comes out of the fountain is water, and what comes out of the blood vessels is blood." What identity a person uses to speak can easily reflect his ideological realm, life, and life. way and attitude towards people.How to grasp the specific relationship between the two parties in the conversation and modify and adjust the language to better express feelings is the subject of study to improve the speaking level. Again, although the words are meant for the audience, whether the words are good or not and whether they can be accepted by the audience depends on whether the speaker expresses his thoughts and feelings properly, and a person's thoughts and characters are determined by the long-term social influence. Formed in practice, and a person's mood is inseparable from his thoughts and situation.The different moods in different situations will also be naturally revealed in people's expressions, showing the true identity of the speaker. Therefore, when speaking in public, one should choose a speaking form that is in harmony with the situation and mood. For example, there is an ancient Chinese teacher named Yan in a certain university.One day, when he walked into the classroom, he saw the words "Strict and Terrible" written on the blackboard.The teacher was not angry, but he stopped and said loudly to the students: "You are the ones who are truly awesome!" The students were at a loss for a moment.Teacher Yan went on to say: "Isn't it? Younger generations are awesome! In order to make you young people really awesome, surpassing us old people, how can my name, Teacher Yan, not be worthy of the name!" (Applause and laughter) From the word "Yan Kewei" Teacher Yan accurately captured the "resentment" and "dissatisfaction" of the students due to strict training and strict requirements. The principle of "strictness" and the determination to continue to be "strict" are tolerant, strict and moderate. The choice of speech form, the situation, and the appropriate expression of mood are amazing. It is really "words and actions". The voice of the heart is like the person's words." Public speaking is a social phenomenon, which exists in society and serves social activities.People use language in a certain social culture; factors such as social culture and history permeate into language, restricting the use of language.Social and cultural background situation refers to social occasions, including time, place, occasion, atmosphere, event background, personnel relationship, etc.Cultural environment refers to the unique style and tradition formed by a nation in its own historical development.When speaking, we must be good at using this social environment, such as: At the end of 1993, the Tian Tan Buddha of Po Lin Temple in Hong Kong held a grand consecration ceremony.Zhou Nan, Director of Xinhua News Agency Hong Kong Branch, and Patten, Governor of Hong Kong, were invited to be officiating guests.After the ceremony, Peng answered a reporter's question accusing me of the Hong Kong and Macau Affairs Office's statement on the Hong Kong issue, "not a particularly attractive Christmas gift."The reporter asked Zhou Nan to comment on this, but Zhou Nan refused to comment on the grounds of "Buddhist days", because it is inappropriate for the two sides to engage in diplomatic disputes in religious holy places and to participate in religious ceremonies.Reluctantly, the reporter asked again and again, and Zhou Nan replied smoothly: "Whoever engages in the 'three violations' will definitely suffer a sea of ​​suffering and sin! Whoever engages in the 'three conformities' will have immeasurable merits and virtues, goodness! Goodness!" The last sentence "Amitabha" attracted the audience. There were bursts of applause and laughter.At this time, Zhou Nan properly used the social background of religion, and his speech was decent and impeccable. Another example, on the eve of liberation, Comrade Chen Yi said in a report: "We have full confidence that we can foresee that it will not take too long to liberate the whole of China! The liberation of Shanghai is just around the corner!" (thunderous applause from the audience ) in a few days (in blunt Shanghai dialect) Allah, these Tuba roads, can go to Shanghai for the prime minister!" (The audience is full of laughter) Such words are very appropriate in that social environment and specific occasions, and they are humorous and humorous. inspiring. Being relevant to the situation is an important condition for a successful speech.The previous example was a dialogue at a religious ceremony in a Buddhist holy place. Zhou Nan chose Buddhist language, which was thought-provoking according to the situation.The latter example is Marshal Chen Yi’s dialectical use of the scene atmosphere of the report at that time, breaking the superficial unity of style, thus well adapting to the topic of "coming into Shanghai", and the effect is very good. During the War to Resist US Aggression and Aid Korea, an American reporter came to China to interview Premier Zhou.The Prime Minister had just finished reviewing the documents, and an American Parker pen was still on the table.The reporter took advantage of the question and said, "Excuse me, Prime Minister, why do you Chinese people use pens made in the United States?" It was a gift from a North Korean friend who resisted the U.S. as a gift. I didn’t receive rewards for nothing, so I wanted to decline, but my friend said, let’s keep it as a souvenir! So I accepted this fountain pen from your country.” Reporter After listening to it, he suddenly became embarrassed and couldn't speak.In this conversation, Premier Zhou properly used the historical background of the Korean War and used the overtones to silence the questioner, which is really admirable. Still others, such as places and physical objects, do not belong to the larger social environment, but become social environments when they are attached to the sphere of influence of a certain social force.For example, in state-level diplomatic negotiations, the choice of venue is a very sensitive issue, and the usual way to deal with it is to rotate the negotiations on the territories of both parties, or choose a third country as the negotiation venue.Why is this an important and sensitive issue?People have the experience that when talking at a friend's house, they always have the mentality of a guest, and their speech is always a little more reserved, but when they receive friends at their own home, they feel free.This kind of master mentality naturally forms an advantage, which is called "home advantage". The above is that a small location forms a large social environment. Sometimes a change of location can also form a different small environment, which is conducive to solving different problems and giving targeted speeches, such as: When some leaders find problems, they often invite their subordinates to their offices to talk.The office is the place where the superior works. When subordinates come here, they can easily associate with the relationship between the superior and the subordinate, so a mentality of "must obey" arises.In this way, in a conversation that was originally a reciprocal conversation, because of the participation of the special social environment of the place, it is beneficial to one side, making the two equals become active and passive.There is a kind of "condescending" momentum (of course, this is only a psychological difference, and it is by no means "overpowering others").By analogy, if there is a dispute between the customer and the salesperson, the manager should skillfully induce the customer into the sphere within which he can influence—the manager's office.This can not only avoid the expansion of the situation, but also isolate the customer from the onlookers, avoiding some adverse reactions from the crowd and further increasing dissatisfaction.Therefore, the manager's office has actually become a small social environment that is conducive to dealing with problems.Conversely, in order to strengthen communication, enhance trust and friendship, leaders should go out of the "leadership effect zone" and go to staff dormitories, canteens, clubs and other areas, so as to let go of the topic without restraint.Such non-linguistic factors, sometimes just like invisible magnetic fields, have extremely powerful special effects. It can be seen that using a suitable social background to make a speech can significantly improve the effect of the speech, which requires us to have keen thinking and penetrating vision, to understand the social background, and to be good at using the real objects in front of us and the places we are in. Create an environment conducive to speaking in public. When speaking in public, we should also pay attention to the use of natural situations such as when and where.The natural situational context refers specifically to the time, place, and occasion of communication.When, the small words refer to the year and month, and the big words refer to the era; where, the small words refer to the public, the private room at home, and the big words refer to towns, villages, and fields; the specific scene refers to certain time and space factors, As well as the verbal communication occasions formed by the organic combination of communicative situations.For example, when someone is having a happy event, you should not talk about frustrating topics; when someone is grieving, you should avoid talking about amusing topics.Speeches and reports in the public should talk about the topic, and not be cynical; while walking and chatting, it is casual, and digressing may be even more fun. Good at using the natural environment to enhance the effect of speaking, sometimes you can borrow seasonal scenery to induce resonance between the speaker and the listener.For example, Guo Moruo's speech at the National Science Conference in 1978 ended with this method: "The vernal equinox has passed, and the Qingming Festival is coming. 'Rising flowers on the river at sunrise are better than fire, and the river is as green as blue in spring'; this is the spring of revolution. , This is the spring of the people, this is the spring of science, let us open our arms and embrace this spring warmly!" At that time, Mr. Guo was ill and made this written speech.Once the speech was read out, thunderous applause erupted in the venue, and through the live broadcast, it aroused enthusiastic repercussions in the entire scientific community. Mr. Guo used the "spring" season environment to make the finishing touch here, and the effect was remarkable. Public speaking is always carried out in a certain time and space, such as seasons, geographical environment, and natural scenery, which often have different emotional colors due to different people's subjective feelings.If we can combine natural scenes to organize discourse, we will often receive unexpected results.For example, when Comrade Li Ruihuan was working in Tianjin, it happened that the National Football League was held in Tianjin, and the Tianjin team was catching up with the rain before the competition.Li Ruihuan encouraged the team members to say: "It's raining, you have to fish in troubled waters, pass quickly and shoot more, don't be sloppy." Here is a natural situational factor of rain on the field, or imitation, or pun , the words are humorous and play a good role in boosting morale. Public speaking must pay attention to the specific occasion of the speech act.Different communication occasions have different verbal expressions, and the basic principles of verbal expression should not be turned into a rigid program.Pay attention to the occasion when speaking.Don't look at the occasion, do whatever you want, say whatever comes to your mind, this is a poor performance of a "can't speak" person.People always live and speak at a certain time, a certain place, and under certain conditions. On different occasions, facing different people, different things, and starting from different purposes, they should say different things and speak in different ways. Only in this way can we get the ideal speech effect. There is such a counterexample: an old teacher who graduated from the Chinese Department of a certain college and worked diligently for decades retired. Retired old comrades held a farewell party together.The comrades and leaders at the meeting gave enthusiastic and very decent affirmation and praise to their work and conduct. In contrast, there were more praises for the old comrade who had won the "advanced" award many times.When it was the turn of the two popular retired comrades to give their thanks, they expressed their deep gratitude to everyone for their praise.For a time, the venue was filled with an emotional and warm atmosphere.As a thank you, the story should have ended here; however, the old teacher did not stop there, but was touched by people's praise of another "advanced", and made quite inappropriate associations and suggestions. Played: "Speaking of progress, unfortunately, I have never achieved it once..." Before the words were finished, a young teacher who was sitting opposite him and who did not get along well with him on weekdays suddenly took the lead: "No , that’s our fault, it’s not that you don’t deserve to be advanced, it’s that we didn’t mention your name.” There was an embarrassing “sting” in the words, and the old teacher’s eyes and brows froze unexpectedly. Being "stabbed" showed a sentimental expression, and for a while there was an embarrassing atmosphere of displeasure in the venue.Seeing that the situation was not right, a leader immediately took over the conversation, trying to ease the atmosphere.Logically speaking, at this time, he should avoid the sensitive topic of "advanced" and talk about other things instead.However, he repeatedly comforted the retired old teacher, telling him not to care about the issue of "advancement", saying that not having been evaluated as advanced does not mean that he is not advanced enough. Advancement is not only in name, but also depends on facts.And so on and so on, one word is tantamount to repeating and extending the topic that should have been avoided, making the already embarrassing situation even more embarrassing. And on this point, General Comrade Wang Zhen obviously did a good job. There is a reportage that records the touching story of Comrade Wang Zhen helping the poet Ai Qing. During this period, several conversations between Wang Zhen and Ai Qing can clearly show that specific communication situations need to be expressed in specific forms of discourse. In late 1957, Wang Zhen approached Ai Qing, who was wrongly classified as a rightist. When they met, he said, "Old Ai, I love you and hate you at the same time! You are not against socialism, but you support the truth! Leave the literary and art circles." ，你到我们那里去吧！”艾青到了王震兵团所在的密山安定下来后，王震诚恳而严肃地对艾青说：“老艾呀，你要是搞不好，我是要骂你的。等我死了你再写文章骂我！”这些都是在背地里谈的话。在大庭广众之中说法又不一样了。艾青刚到密山，参加向荒原进军的动员大会，王震站在卡车上对大家说：“有个大诗人，艾青，你们知道不知道？他也来了，他是我的朋友。他要歌颂你们，欢迎不欢迎呀？”还有一次，艾青不在身边时，王震对农场领导说：“政治上要帮助老艾，赶快让他摘掉帽子，回到党内来。要让他接近群众，了解战士。”前两次讲话，均为个别交谈的场合，王震的话语既有信任，亦有批评，既有鼓励，也有严格要求，也不乏朋友间的坦诚直率。后两例，交际场合为当事人不在场或大庭广众中。话语更多热情、爱护与帮助，这对当时的艾青来说，真可谓久旱逢甘霖，使他一直半吊着的心安稳了，他觉得自己“开始了生命的新旅程”。没有老将军这些恰如其分的讲话，或许就不会有艾青的新生，可见根据场合讲话是多么的重要。 在特定场合讲话可利用以下几种技巧和原则，以达到理想的当众讲话的效果。 多角度某些场合的变化是出人意料的。如果应对不好，会使自己陷于某种困境。这就要求说话者必须善于变换切入角度，灵活地应对和驾驭各种局面和场合。 里根就任美国总统后，第一次出访加拿大，时值加拿大正举行反美示威游行。一次，里根总统的演说为反美示威游行的人群打断。只见里根总统面带笑容对陪同的加拿大总理特鲁多说：“这种事情在美国时有发生，我想这些人一定是特意从美国来到贵国的，他们是想使我有一种宾至如归的感觉。”双眉紧锁的特鲁多眉开眼笑了。里根自己高超的说话水平，故作曲解、否解，解脱了主人的窘迫，又体现了一位大国总统的胸襟与气度。 利用歧义。利用特定场合，造成情境歧义。例如，鲁迅在厦门大学任教期间，校方曾召开一次专门会议，无理削减一半经费，遭到了与会人员的反对。校长林文庆不但不予理睬，反而阴阳怪气地说：“关于这件事，不能听你们的。学校的经费是有钱人付出来的，只有有钱人，才有发言权！”他刚说完，鲁迅立即从口袋里摸出两个银币，“叭”的一声“拍”到桌子上，铿锵有力地说：“我有钱，我有发言权！”致使林文庆措手不及，狼狈不堪。鲁迅讲的“有钱”和林文庆说的“有钱”是两个概念，二者所包含的语意相差甚远，鲁迅正是巧妙地利用交际环境造成的歧义，给林文庆当头棒喝，压下了他的气焰，打乱了他的阵脚，实现了当众讲话的特定目的。 正话反说。利用情境的参与，正话反说，摆脱不利的话语交际环境。例如，萧何以谋反罪诛杀韩信后，又召集群臣，设下油锅，要韩信的谋士蒯通当众供认和韩信谋反的罪行。在这种特殊环境的制约下，蒯通无法直陈其词，便用正意反说的方式先数了韩信的“十罪”，接着又列举了韩信的“三愚”：“韩信收燕、赵，破三秦，有精兵四十万，恁时不反，如今乃反，是一愚也。汉王驾出成皋，韩信在修武，统大将二百余员，雄兵八十万，恁时不反，如今乃反，是二愚也。韩信九里山前大会战，兵权百万，皆归掌握，恁时不反，如今乃反，是三愚也。韩信负着十罪，又有此三愚，岂不自取其祸！”蒯通明为数说韩信的罪状和愚蠢，实为韩信鸣冤叫屈，致使满朝文武为之动容，赢得了群臣的同情，迫使萧何难以下手烹杀。 言此意彼。利用情境的微妙关系，言此意彼，使双方心领神会，从而实现交际目的。二战期间，英国首相丘吉尔到华盛顿会见美国总统罗斯福，要求美国共同抗击德国法西斯，并给予物质援助。丘吉尔受到热情接待，被安排住进白宫。一天早晨，丘吉尔正躺在浴盆里抽着他最爱抽的特大号雪茄。突然，美国总统罗斯福推门进来，丘吉尔大腹便便，肚子露出水面，这两个世界大国的领导人在此刻会面，确实非常尴尬。而丘吉尔扔掉烟头，利用这种特殊的情境以幽默的口吻说：“总统先生，我这个英国首相在您面前可真没有一点隐瞒。”说完，两人哈哈大笑。丘吉尔正是用言此意彼的手法，既解除了当时的窘态，又借此向罗斯福袒露联合抗击德国法西斯的诚意，增进了会谈时双方的相互了解与信任，促进了这次谈判的成功。 大量事实证明，说话的魅力并不在于语言的华丽、讲话的流畅，而在于你是否倾注了感情，表达了真诚！最能推销产品的人并不一定是口惹悬河的人，而是善于表达真诚的人。当你用得体的话语表达出真诚时，你就赢得了对方的信任，建立起人际之间的信赖关系，对方也就可能由信赖你这个人而喜欢你说的话，进而喜欢你的产品了。 当众讲话也是同样道理。背得很熟，讲得最顺畅的演讲也不是最好的演讲。滔滔不绝、一泻千里的演讲虽然流畅优美，但是如果缺少诚意，那就失去了吸引力，如同一束没有生命力的绢花，很美丽但不鲜活动人，缺少魅力。因此，发言者首先应想到的是如何把你的真诚注入讲话之中，如何把自己的心意传递给对方。只有当听者感受到你的诚意时，他才会打开心门，接收你讲的内容，彼此之间才能实现沟通和共鸣。 正如白居易所说：“感人心者，莫先乎情。”说话时既以理服人，又以情感人。人是感情动物，语言所负载的信息，除了理性信息外，还有感情信息。这种感情信息，内涵十分丰富。其功能不仅要诉诸人的理智，而且更要打动人的情感。 大诗人白居易说得好：“功成理定何神速，速在推心置人腹。”这里的推心置腹就是指话语真诚。所谓真，是指不矫揉造作，不言辞虚浮，能够保持说话人的自我本色。所谓诚，就是真心真意、不掩盖、真情流露。 林肯和美国上议院议员道格拉斯是竞选中的对手。他们曾在伊里诺斯州进行过一场轰动美国的著名辩论。在这场辩论中，林肯不仅取得了胜利，而且获得了誉满全美的“诚恳的亚伯”的称号，道格拉斯却被听众戏称为“小伟人”。道格拉斯是个阔佬，他为了推销自己，特地租用漂亮的专列，车后安放一尊大炮，每到一站就鸣30响，配以乐队的喧闹，声势之大，为历史之最。并口出狂言：“要让林肯这个乡下佬闻闻贵族的气味。”林肯则买票乘车，每到一站就登上朋友们为他预先准备好的马拉车。面对道格拉斯的强大挑战，他以退为进，沉着应战。在一次演讲中，他说道：“有人问我有多少财产？我有一个妻子，三个儿子，都是无价之宝。此外，还租有一个办公室，室内有办公桌子一张、椅子三把，墙角还有一个大书架，架上的书值得每个人一读。我本人既穷又瘦，脸蛋很长，不会发福。我实在没有什么可依靠的，惟一可依靠的就是你们。”林肯之真诚首先在不讲排场，与选民心距拉近；内容上，贴近常人之心；谁个没有妻室儿女？他却称他们是无价之宝。这是情感认同；租用的办公室，家具少，书架大，投合选民们理想中的总统形象：廉洁，勤奋，富有学识。这样的自我介绍，不无幽默，这是形象的心理认同。最后，不把自己当作选民的救星，而把选民当作自己惟一的依靠，予以得体恭维，从而获得心理的亲近认同，通过这些推心置腹的讲话，获得选民的普遍认同，从而一举获胜。 此外，还要注意的是要在话语交际过程中，使对方感受到情感的真实，说话人的话语一定要受到发自内心的充沛的情感支配。作家王潜先生论所谓“零度风格”时告诫我们：“说话人装着对自己所说的话毫无情感，把自己隐藏在幕后，也不理睬听众是谁，不偏不倚，不痛不痒地背诵一些冷冰冰的条条儿，玩弄一些抽象概念，或是罗列一些干巴巴的事实，没有一丝丝的人情味，这只能是掠过空中的一种不明来历去向的声响，所谓'耳边风'，怎能叫人发生兴趣，感动人，说服人呢？”有人说得好：“只有被感情支配的人最能使人相信他的情感是真实的，因为人们都具有同样的天然倾向，惟有最真实的生气或忧愁的人，才能激起人们的愤怒和忧郁。” 正当希腊面临马其顿王国的入侵，而有遭受亡国和失去自由的危机的时候，希腊著名演说家德摩斯梯尼曾经作过一次著名的演说，他的每一句话，每一个词语都充满着发自内心的极为丰富的爱国主义情感。他热情洋溢地说：“即使所有民族同意忍受奴役，就在那个时候，我们也应当为自由而战斗。”从这洋溢着爱国热情的词句中，人们看到了一颗真挚的拳拳之心，因而他的演讲激励了无数的希腊人从聆听演说的广场直接奔赴战场，连向家人作一声道别也认为耗费了时光。他的敌人，马其顿的国王腓力见到这篇演说词，也不由感慨地说：“如果我自己听过德摩斯梯尼的演说，连我也要投票赞成他当我的反对者领袖。”“感人心者，莫先乎情。”能让对手击节赞叹，这其中蕴含了多么真挚、奔涌的情感，这炙热的爱国主义情感从心底的火山喷发，从而产生了惊天动地的力量！ 当众讲话主要是通过声音传情达意。当众讲话时，人们在表意的同时，也把语调的高低、语速的快慢、语音的轻重、音量的大小、语气的徐疾等直接展现在听者面前。因而，以声音传递情感，往往直接而逼真，可感性很强。因为人的喜怒哀乐，一切骚扰不宁、起伏不定的情绪，连最微妙的波动、最隐蔽的心情，都能由声音直接表达出来，而表达的有力、细致、正确，都无与伦比。据说意大利一著名演员在台上用悲切的语调“朗诵”阿拉伯数字，台下听众居然会潸然泪下。这里听众在欣赏时受感染的乃是声音的抑扬顿挫、丰富多彩。著名的具有高超说话水平的口才大师丘吉尔在他的一篇口才学论文中，曾把“节奏”列为口才之道的四大要素之首。丘吉尔自己是深谙个中三昧的。有声语言的情感性，既有内在的思想感情色彩分量，又有外在的高低、强弱、快慢、虚实的声浪形式。综合这两方面，就是平常人们所说的语调、语气、口吻。交谈中，交谈者往往通过声音的强弱、呼吸的急缓、音调的高低、节奏的快慢，甚至调动喉音的仿声等造成各种氛围，或慷慨激昂，或激情振奋，或悲痛深沉，或压抑窒息……从而将以声传情作为提高说话水平的重要手段。 势态语是一种借助手势、表情、体态、动作来达意传情的特殊语言。它要借助非有声语言传递信息、表达情感，是参与交际活动的一种不出声的辅助语言。人们运用它可以弥补有声语言之不足。早在孔子时代，对势态语便有了论述。如孔子说：“说之，故言之；言之不足，故长言之；长言之不足，故嗟叹之；嗟叹之不足，故咏歌之；咏歌之不足，故手之舞之，足之蹈之也。”势态语不仅辅助有声语言表情达意，还能体现人的气质风度，显示一个人风姿美的魅力。如某人演讲的结束语说：“让我们张开双臂，拥抱明天，拥抱未来！”说话时张开双臂，目视前方，显得生动、形象。既是一种情绪的自然流露，又具某种象征意味，极富感染力。静态体语，如眼神，与有声语言具有一种同步效应。人的喜怒哀乐，都能从眼神中显露出来，正可谓：“眼睛是心灵的窗户”，“一身精神，具乎两眼”。当众讲话时，恰当地运用静态语和势态语，二者有机结合，定能形象地传情达意。 感情的表达必须看清对象，顾及场合，把握特定场合交际双方的特定关系，否则，其后果将是十分严重的。这也说明，贯彻话贵情真的原则，必须同时贯彻话由旨遣、话因人异和话随境迁三项原则，说明口才施展的这4项原则是互相联系、互相制约的完整体系。 有的说话带有明显的目的性，如说服、劝解、抚慰、交心、解释等等。为了达到这样的目的，最有效的手段就是以情理服人，做到入情入理，这样的交谈才会有效。古人讲，精诚所至，金石为开。在人际交往中，人们彼此的情感是相互作用与相互影响的，只有情相通，心相近，所说话才能在对方的心灵上产生共鸣，发挥作用。因此要向对方说理，必须先了解对方的心理与情感需求，站在对方的角度考虑，思想感情上接近、沟通，产生“自己人”效应，说理才能奏效。 当然，以情说理，重要的是找准对方情感上的“突破口”。先前纵横家的鼻祖鬼谷子曾经说过：“仁人轻货（财物），不可诱以利，可使出费；勇士轻难，不可惧以患，可使拒危；智者达（知晓）于数明于理，不可欺以诚，可示之以道理，可使立功。”就是说要抓住对方心理与情感上最易打动之处，将“情理”和对方的个性、处境、心思等因素紧密相连，申明利害，满足其最高情感价值需求，使之心动。而且在说理过程中，还要善于适应对方情绪思路的变化，因势利导。如顺着对象具有的种种疑虑，层层排除；顺着其合理的见解，适时赞许；根据其两难的处境谋划协助之；根据他憎恶的地方献策对付之。这种揣摩情意的说理方法通常能够取得很好的效果。 将以情服人与以理服人结合起来，做到春风化雨，润物无声。晓之以理，动之以情，才能在与人交流的时候达到目的。 富兰克林曾经提醒我们：“当发怒和鲁莽开步前进的时候，悔恨也正踩着两者的足迹接踵而来。” 遇到不如意的事情就勃然大怒，只不过是宣泄自己的不满情绪而已，绝不会帮助自己解决问题，或是走出困境。 某企业的一个市场调查科长，因为提供了错误的市场信息而造成了企业的重大损失。犯了这样严重的错误，毫无疑问，企业总经理可以不问理由地对他进行斥责，甚至撤职。 但是，这位怒上心头的总经理还是忍了忍，他想得先了解一下：到底是这位科长本身不称职而听信了错误信息呢，还是由于不可预料的原因导致的？ 于是，这位经理压下了心中的怒火，只是心平气和地把科长叫来，叫他把判断失误的原因写一个报告交上来。 事情就这样拖了一段时间，几个月之后，这家公司因为这位市场调查科长提供的信息极为准确而饱赚了一笔。 于是，总经理又叫人把那个科长请来，说：“你上次的报告我看了，你们的工作做得不太细致，有一定责任，但主要是不可预测的意外原因造成的，因此公司决定免除对你的处罚，你也就不要把它再放在心上，只要以后记取教训就行了。这一次，你做得不错，为公司提供了重要信息，我们仍然一样地表扬你。” 说完之后，总经理随即从办公桌里拿出一个红包递给他，这个科长接过来时，不禁眼眶泛红。 因此，千万要切记，在开口批评人之前，一定要了解事实，在心里问一下自己：“我不会搞错吗？” 否则，乱指责人，不仅落了个乱骂人的坏名声，事后还得向下属赔礼道歉。 然而，就算是你能放下架子，坦率地向下属说：“对不起，是我弄错了。”下属所受的伤害和内心对你的憎恶，却很难一下子就冰释。 如果你了解这个错误确实是下属犯的，也还要进一步调查和思考：这个下属该承担多大的责任？错误的原因是不可避免的，是一时的疏忽，还是责任心不强，甚至是明知故犯？ 因此，你一定要管好自己的口，要牢记一句话：“没有调查就没有发言权。”见到问题时，先别忙着发怒和批评人，而是去了解情况。 这样一来，主动权就操纵在你的手里，你想在什么时候、采取什么方式对他进行批评，完全由你决定。 在我们的周围，有些人喜欢抬杠，只要和别人一搭上话就针锋相对，无论别人说什么，他总要加以反驳，其实他自己一点主见也没有。不过当你说“是”时，他一定要说“否”，到你说“否”的时候，他又说“是”了。这是一种极坏的习惯，事事要占上风，处处自以为是。生活中，如果你不幸成了那样的人，那请认真地听从别人的告诫。 即使你真的比别人见识多，也不应该以这种态度去和别人说话。这种不良习惯使你自绝于朋友和同事，没有人愿意给你提意见或建议，更不敢向你提一点忠告。你或许本来是一个很好的人，但不幸染上了这种习惯，朋友、同事们都远你而去了。惟一改善的方法是养成尊重别人的习惯。首先你要明白，在日常谈论当中，你的意见未必是正确的，而别人的意见也未必就是错的。把双方的意见综合起来，你至多有一半是对的。那么，你为什么每次都要反驳别人呢？ 大概有这种坏习惯的人当中，聪明者居多，或者是些自作聪明的人，也许他太热心，想从自己的思想中提出更高超的见解，他以为这样可以使人敬佩自己，但事实上完全错了。一些平凡的事情，是没有必要费心进行高深的研究的。至少我们平常谈话的目的，是消遣多于研究吧，既然不是在研究讨论问题，又何必在一些琐碎的事情上固执己见呢。另外有一点应该注意，那就是在轻松的谈话中不可太认真了。 别人和你谈话，他根本没有准备请你说教，大家说说笑笑罢了。你若要硬作聪明，拿出更高超的见解即使确是高超的见解，对方也决不会乐意接受的。因此，你不可以随时显出像要教训别人的神气。 当你的同事向你提出建议时，你若不能立刻表示赞同，但起码表示可以考虑，不可马上反驳。假如你的朋友和你聊天，那你更应注意，太多的执拗能把有趣的生活变得枯燥乏味。 如果别人真的犯了错误，而又不肯接受批评或劝告，你也不要急于求成，不妨往后退一步，把时间延长一些，隔几天再谈，否则，大家固执不但不能解决问题，反而伤害了感情。因此，在社交中，随时考虑别人的意见，不要做一个固执的人，惟有这样才能获得人们的赞赏和喜爱。 大量事实说明，人们谈话时都有一个目的：想知道别人对某件事的看法是否和自己相同，并进一步希望别人对某件事情和自己能有相同的看法。如果别人的看法与自己的看法略有不同或大不相同，便会感到极不舒服，甚至立即不高兴起来，这是人很正常的一种情绪反应，当然这也是一种很不利于人际交往的现象。因此人们在日常交往中更应该注意的是学会控制自己的情绪，切莫自以为是，即使在别人不同意你对某事的看法时，也应该显得对此很有兴趣。 所以，当你听到别人的意见和你一样时，你要立刻表示赞同。不要以为这样做会被人认为你是随声附和，因而就不吭声了。不吭声，虽然不会被人误解为随声附和，却也容易使人认为你并不同意。 同样，当你听到别人的意见和你不一致时，你也要立刻表示你什么地方不同意、为什么不同意。不要以为这样做会伤害彼此的感情而不吭声。 我们在和别人交谈的时候还应当注意到每个人身上也都有几片“逆鳞”存在，惟有小心观察，不触及对方的“逆鳞”，也就是我们所说的“痛处”，才能保持圆融的人际关系。 英国作家托马斯·富勒曾经写道：“失足引起的伤痛很快就可以恢复，然而，失言所导致的严重后果，却可能使你终身遗憾。” 一个人若想和上司、同事间建立良好的人际关系，一定要记住：保持适当距离，做事公私分明，尤其要注意，言谈之间不要说到别人的痛处。 被击中痛处，对任何人来说都是件不愉快的事。不管在什么情况下，不去碰触别人的痛处，不但是待人处事应有的礼仪，更是在都市丛林中左右逢源的关键。 有修养的人即使在盛怒之下，也不会扩散愤怒的波纹；但是涵养不够的人，被激怒了，往往就会面露凶貌，口出恶言，甚至随手拿起手边的东西往地上摔。 某些人暴跳如雷的时候，还会口不择言，用侮辱性的语言攻击别人最敏感的隐私，这是相当不明智的行为。 一旦你攻击他人的痛处，修养好的人虽不至于当场发作，与你破口对骂，但心中的疙瘩和怨恨往往难以抹平，如果不幸他是你的上司或客户的话，你就会变成被“封杀”的对象。 在公司里，“封杀”意味着调职、冷冻、开除。如果你是公司负责人，“封杀”就代表对方拒绝继续与你往来，或是“冻结彼此的关系”。 中国古代有所谓“逆鳞”的说法，强调即使面对温驯的蛟龙，也不可掉以轻心。 传说中，龙的咽喉下方约一尺的部位，长着几片“逆鳞”，全身只有这个部位是逆向生长的，万一不小心触摸到这些逆鳞，必定会被暴怒的龙吞噬。 至于其他部位，不论你如何抚摸或敲打都没关系，只有这几片逆鳞，无论如何也触摸不得，即使轻轻摸一下也犯了大忌。 其实，每个人身上也都有几片“逆鳞”存在，即使是人格高尚伟大的人也不例外。惟有小心观察，不触及对方的“逆鳞”，也就是我们所说的“痛处”，才能保持圆融的人际关系。