Chapter 8 Chapter 8 Diseased Leaf

In May, it rained continuously for a week. Dongzi's body was deteriorating again. It wasn't that a certain part of the body was diseased, but that he was tired and had a fever. In the morning, I took my body temperature and it reached 36 degrees 7.It is usually around 36 degrees 2 , which is a little bit high.Every month, when menstruation comes, the body temperature rises, and the body often sweats.The head is dizzy, but the feeling is particularly sensitive. Menstruation is coming soon... Dongzi felt ridiculous when he wanted to reach this point. He has no menstruation, so what is coming?

What should I say... Dongzi is like watching the plum rain, thinking about problems while watching the continuous rain.Although menstruation is gone, the effects of a certain cycle seem to remain.On the surface, there are no abnormal changes, but inside the body, the same hormones are still playing a dominant role. "It's incredible..." Dongzi was astonished by the tenacious changes in her body, and at the same time felt sad for her body that could not get rid of the influence of menstruation. Madam Zhongshan doesn't have this kind of situation... Not limited to Mrs. Zhongshan, no matter who has the operation, the mood swings are not big?Dongzi thought.

Although menstruation does not come, but the desire does not decrease, it is really unbearable, it seems too unequal. Although I thought so in my heart, on the other hand, the cyclical body changes are somewhat happy, which proves that I am still a woman, and this practice makes me psychologically balanced. Frankly speaking, before menstruation comes, Dongzi longs for a man's love and a man's hug... When I was with Guizhi in the past, as long as it was at this moment, the fire of desire would burn, and I couldn't restrain it even if I wanted to. It's just that there seems to be a shadow on it recently, even though the body is excited, but the mind still doesn't want to.

However, the past two or three days have been different.The inside of the body began to germinate.Seeing the raindrops falling down the glass window, Dongzi felt the desire to be hugged by a man again. "He won't come..." Dongzi said to himself. Apart from Takashi, Dongzi no longer longs for the caress of any man.Without a man, I would still live on. It's just that now I want to be caressed by a man and adapt to the cycle of body changes. Dongzi watched the heavy rain fall from the sky, and remembered the night with Takashi. That night, at first I didn't long for Kishi's caresses, it's been a long time, I just wanted to have dinner together, and then I went back.In fact, it was also driven by this kind of mood that he left the tavern and told Guizhi that he would go back, but Guizhi asked himself to take a taxi and invited himself.If you really want to go back, if you make up your mind, you can leave.

The two walked for a walk and ended up going to the hotel.In fact, Dongzi didn't want to separate immediately, and wanted to agree to Guizhi in his heart, so as soon as Guizhi made a request, he immediately agreed. My body didn't have this kind of thought, but the other party strongly demanded it, so I obeyed.The pleasure I get is not strong, but I don't hate the caress itself, but I am more eager to get the fullness of being hugged. No man can live on, this is just what I think in my heart, and it seems to have nothing to do with my body.The body itself acts according to its desires, not at the mercy of man's will.

After being hugged, I knew that there was a sense of disappointment, but I still longed for a man's caress.Although I know I won't be satisfied this time.But still looking forward to the next time. Unlike Mrs. Fujii, Dongzi's sexual desire has not disappeared.Given the chance, the presentiment will revive.I don't know why, but I never lost my confidence. In fact, Dongzi got a little bit of satisfaction last time.It’s still a far cry from the giddy feeling of the past, but there’s still a fleeting sense of fulfillment.Not feeling nothing at all... Now Dongzi has calmed down, but it is not the same as the pleasure she gets when being caressed. At that time, there was indeed a sense of comfort.This may be due to the scars of being touched.

At that time, Guizhi gently stroked the scar on his lower abdomen with his hands. The scar was about 10 centimeters long, and said at the same time, "I feel very comfortable touching the scar." Fuyuko felt shy at first, but eventually became willing to be pushed around by Shin Takashi. Now, seeing the heavy rain falling from the sky outside, there is a kind of excitement in the body. In the afternoon, Funatsu called. "everything fine?" Dongzi was shocked when he heard Funatsu's voice. "I have something to tell you, how about meeting today or tomorrow?"

Unlike the previous time, Funatsu was very polite this time. Dongzi remembered what he heard from Guizhi last time, and made an appointment with him to meet at the "Mimosa Pavilion" at 8 o'clock tonight. Due to the rain, there were few customers.Under the big trees on both sides of the street, the hawkers who sell earrings and necklaces every day don't know where they are hiding today. Just after 8 o'clock, Dongzi came to the "Mimosa Pavilion", and Funatsu had been waiting for a long time, drinking beer. "long time no see." Dongzi said coldly.Funatsu took out the summons and stood up.

"Go to court!" "It's not convenient to talk here." So, the two left the store, took a taxi, and went to the bar at Shinjuku West Exit where they drank last time. Perhaps because it was just dark, the store was not crowded.The two came to the counter and ordered drinks. Funatsu said while lighting a cigarette. "You may have heard what the director said, I decided to resign." Toko stared blankly at Funatsu. "I already talked to the director a week ago." "Why did you resign?" "There is no special reason, I just want to study abroad."

"Go abroad?" "To the United States." "Have you decided?" "The director asked me to think about it again, but I have made up my mind and I don't want to change." "..." "I'm almost 27 years old, and I want to take this opportunity to exercise and improve my abilities at the same time." "So, when are you leaving here?" "Resign within this month." "So fast……" "The director has also agreed to my request." "..." "However, I will definitely get through to the end of the investigation of the doctor's association."

"When will you leave for America?" "The final decision has not yet been made, probably in July or August." "Where are you going?" "First go to AIS interior decoration company in Los Angeles where the teacher worked in college, and first ask him to contact you." "Because the doctor will investigate, I have caused you trouble." "There is no such thing." "Thank you so much." "Since I have decided what to do, I will do it to the end." This point, no matter how you say it, is like Funatsu. "Approximately how long did you stay in the United States?" "Two or three years, it hasn't been decided yet." "Such a long time." "Otherwise, nothing can be done." "I'll feel lonely without Funatsu-kun here." "Don't force yourself to say such things." "It's not forced." Funatsu was silent for a while, then suddenly asked: "Do you know why I went to America?" "I have no idea." "To separate from you." At this time, Funatsu picked up his wine glass and took a big sip of wine. "To forget you." "Unexpectedly..." "It's true, that's why I resigned from the firm." "Can't you just resign?" "No, if this continues, I will hate the director even more, and maybe kill him in the end." "This……" "The director is a married man, I won't allow him to treat you like this." "But……" "I know you love the director. If I were you, I couldn't live without him. There's just one thing I can't figure out." "what?" "Why did you allow me to kiss you once?" "allow?" Funatsu nodded.But Dongzi has no memory. "when?" "Last time, when you were drunk and sent you home." Dongzi lowered her head, she really didn't have any vigilance at that time.Begging Funatsu to send it back, and fell asleep immediately. "Maybe you don't remember, I kissed you at that time." "..." "You were silent, but accepted." "But, I was really drunk at the time..." "You are indeed drunk. If you want to possess you, you can possess it." Funatsu said confidently. "It's just that I love you, so I don't want to possess you in this way." Dongzi whispered, "I'm drunk and don't know anything." "Maybe I am too conceited. I think you know that the other party is me, so you are negligent." "..." "It's because he has a good opinion of me to some extent." This situation does exist.If you don't have a good impression, you won't get drunk. "You told me all about your illness and work situation, and it's the same..." "Thank you, Funatsu-kun." "Not just thank you, but also like me." "..." "Of course, with Mr. Guizhi here, I know that I can't keep up with him." "You are not like him." "It should be said that you love the director very deeply, but your love for me is just a little bit, insignificant." "That's not what it means." If you ask Dongzi what is the difference between her love for Takashi and Funatsu, she herself can't answer clearly. In short, maybe the feelings for Kishi are love, and the feelings for Funatsu are just good feelings, but they cannot be easily distinguished. Full of love for the last relationship, but also close and obedient to him at the same time.And the feelings for Funatsu are neither love nor limited to affection, but a subtle emotion between the two.Perhaps it is like cherishing bright and beautiful flowers.All in all, the content of the two is completely different, and it cannot be compared which is stronger or weaker. Dongzi committed himself to Guizhi, and what he got from that day can be said to be both cowardice and a sense of comfort accumulated over the years.The other party is older than himself, and he obeys him. However, that wasn't the case with Funatsu.As a woman who is two years older than Funatsu, Toko always feels a sense of responsibility towards him, and must be nervous to put herself in the same position as him. She often feels a sense of freshness and tension about this, but at the same time, she is somewhat Sorrow, worry. Now Funatsu asked why he allowed to kiss her, which shows his innocence and seriousness as a young man.Its sincerity and honesty awaken Dongzi's sleeping heart. "Please forgive me." After a long silence, Dongzi whispered. "Should I apologize to you, I just want to know if this is your truth?" "..." "Is this a prank?" "No." "Is it true?" "..." Dongzi remained silent, looking down at the wine glass in his hand. "Then, I explain freely. You love me and like me, so that night, everything was promised to me." "It's good that you know each other so well." Dongzi nodded slightly.When I was questioned by Funatsu, I really felt that kind of emotion. "It may be insignificant to you, but it is of great importance to me. Even when I arrive in the United States, I will never forget you." "But, you said it was to forget me..." "I hope so." Under the dim light, Toko saw Funatsu's painful facial expression, and felt the loneliness and sadness of losing Funatsu again. "Go back!" Dongzi stared at Funatsu. "Please wait a moment." Funatsu begged to stay, but Dongzi stood up and walked towards the door. "Why go back so early, please sit in a bar for a while." Dongzi remained silent, went outside, and turned around. "Go back today!" "No, I want something to drink." "Then, I excuse myself." Dongzi looked around and waved to the taxi that was coming in a hurry. "Why go back?" "I'm tired today, sorry." Funatsu had an angry look on his face, but Fuyuko was already in the car. "goodbye." Funatsu said nothing, standing alone on the street under the cover of night. Dongzi was the only one in the taxi, and she took a breath.It's really rare to think about your own problems seriously, Dongzi just feels mentally tired.If I was in good health, I would listen to Funatsu's request, but today I really want to rest due to fatigue.When Dongzi returned home, it was already 10 o'clock.After taking a shower and changing into pajamas, the phone rang suddenly. Dongzi thought it was the call from Funatsu, hesitated to pick up the receiver, and heard the voice of a middle-aged man. "I am Zhongshan, Zhongshan Shilang." After saying it twice, Dongzi realized that he was Mrs. Zhongshan's husband. "It's so late, please forgive me for disturbing you, has my wife gone to your place?" "No, what's the matter, ma'am?" "She's not at home." Professor Zhongshan's voice was a little excited. "Is the lady out?" "I haven't been home since yesterday." "Since yesterday..." "Looks like he left yesterday afternoon." "Did you go to a relative's house?" "The relatives have asked, I thought she was with you." "What happened?" "No, nothing happened." The professor was vague. "Has there been any accident?" "I don't think so! We had a quarrel four or five days ago." "A quarrel?" "Like a compliment, because of something boring." "Aren't you planning on traveling somewhere?" "No, besides, she didn't bring anything." "Then it must be nearby." "I hope so. Call me if you have any news." "Of course. Don't you want to report it to the police?" "There is no need to report to the police now, wait a little longer." "Ok." "It's so late, I'm really sorry to disturb you because of boring things, please forgive me." Dongzi had no contact with his wife this week. A week ago, when I was on a business trip to Ginza, my wife invited her to dinner, but she was unable to do so because of official business. Suddenly remembered yesterday, I wanted to make a special call to apologize to my wife, but I thought it was troublesome, so I gave up halfway.At that time, if you called, you might know where she is now. Where did it go? Outside, it was still raining.Although it has just entered May, the weather is very cold. It's raining so hard, where is Madam going? Dongzi thought of the young man who was with his wife in the "Mimosa Pavilion".Possibly with him... I heard that he works in a bar in Qingshan, and he is a very handsome man. He is much younger than Madam Zhongshan, and Madam just wanted to play with him, not out of true love. Is it really with him... Dongzi guessed that the two might not have gone out, but were in the bar.But Dongzi didn't know the detailed address of the bar.I only vaguely remember that his name is Zhutian, but I have nothing else. Dongzi put on her pajamas again and went to bed, but she was still thinking about her wife and couldn't fall asleep. I haven't been home for two nights... Is there really any accident, otherwise, she will call.Dongzi was meditating blankly, seemingly sleeping but not sleeping.Dongzi dreamed that his wife was taking a walk with his young lover, and the professor happened to appear, watching their backs silently.Dongzi heard the professor say that she was hopeless. Dongzi was dreaming and drowsy, and when he woke up, it was already 7 o'clock. The rain stopped in the middle of the night, and the trees were more emerald green under the reflection of the morning sun. How is the madam? ... Dongzi wanted to call Zhongshan's house, but then he thought Mrs. Zhongshan must have not returned, so he had to give up. The wind stopped and the rain stopped, the sky was sunny and sunny, and early summer seemed to have arrived.On both sides of the street, the trees are verdant and the leaves are falling on the sidewalk.There are some shiny leaves mixed in.Dongzi felt sad when she saw the fallen leaves. Near noon, Dongzi was receiving customers when a phone call came suddenly. "Is it Miss Dongzi?" With just one sound, Dongzi knew that the other party was Mrs. Zhongshan. "Where are you?" "In Kyoto." "Kyoto?" "I went the day before yesterday." "No wonder." "what?" "Sir, don't worry, he called me last night." "yes……" "When will you be back?" "Go back now, what did he say to you?" "Didn't say anything, just asked if you were with me, what happened?" "I'll talk to you in detail when I get back." "So, come back today?" "almost……" "As soon as possible..." "I'll call you when I get back tonight." "Sure. Tell Mister you're back, okay?" "I will contact him myself." Madam hung up the phone. When Mrs. Zhongshan came to the apartment where Dongzi lived, it was already around 9:00 p.m. that night.Dongzi has been waiting in the store until 8 o'clock.The lady called and went directly to the apartment, so Dongzi went back to her room and waited for her. "What happened?" Dongzi asked. The lady said, "Let me have a cigarette first." "Did you come back directly from Kyoto?" "Well, I've been back long ago." "So, have you met Mr.?" "No, I told him over the phone." "then……" "It's nothing, I just want to live here tonight." "It doesn't matter, it's just at home..." "I do not want to go home." The lady smoked one cigarette after another. Dongzi wanted to ask again what happened, but she was afraid of always asking, which would arouse his wife's disgust.He handed her a towel and poured a cup of coffee.The lady asked, "Is there any wine here?" "Only brandy." "That's all right, give me a drink." Dongzi took out ice cubes and brandy. "Ah, it's so comfortable." Madam took a sip of wine and closed her eyes. "Ma'am, do you know that you are here?" "of course I know." "But why..." "Now I'll tell you slowly. Before I do, I want to take a shower." "Please." Dongzi hastily lit the bathroom light and prepared bath towels. "Do you have a change of clothes?" "With a long coat." "Your clothes are small, maybe I can't fit them in." "There are bigger ones too." "Then lend me one." The lady took the long coat and went into the bathroom. Dongzi took out cheese, ham and strawberries as appetizers and placed them on the table. Madam also came out of the bathroom. "Ah, what a joy!" The madam brushed her hair back and let out a long sigh. "Can Nianwan not go back?" "To trouble you?" "That's not what I meant." "It doesn't matter." Although Dongzi was worried, his wife was smoking cigarettes as if nothing had happened. "Why did you go to Kyoto in such a hurry?" "I hate this family, he doesn't pay attention to me at all." "It's just your judgment." "No!" Madame took another sip of brandy. "Do you know who I went to Kyoto with?" "have no idea." "And the bar smells and entertains Mr. Bamboo Nitre." "As expected." "Go to the hotel near the Kamo River, drink in Gion at night, very happy." "Have you been with Takeda-kun for two days?" "Yes." Madam became serious and puffed out her chest. "Is it ridiculous? I think you understand me." Madame stubbed out the cigarette. "Men only use women as a tool to vent. The reason for this quarrel is also because he said he is not interested in my body." "Did you really say that?" "Clearly. Said in front of me." "That sir is a little too much." "right?" Madame took another drink of brandy. "Say such a thing, can you bear it?" "Before this? Is there no other reason?" "It seems that I often associate with Zhutuan-kun." "Sir, do you know about your relationship with Takeda-kun?" "Occasionally, when Zhutian called, he answered it. As time passed, he became suspicious. He danced around outside, what right did he have to accuse me?" "But yes." "If I keep silent, no man will like me." "it's not true." "Even though I've had surgery, I'm still an upright woman, and Mr. Taketa admitted that I'm a woman." "..." "He said he liked my body." As the lady spoke, tears welled up in her eyes. "Did sir really say something?" "I've lost all love for him." "However, sir, it may be for a while, not the original intention." "Anyway, he shouldn't have said that." Madame wiped her eyes with her handkerchief.The lady who is usually cheerful, never falls easily, which shows how sad this time is.Dongzi wanted to comfort her, but when he remembered that he, like his wife, had undergone surgery, he couldn't say anything. "He sees me as sick, crippled." "However, when you went to Kyoto, the master was also trying his best to find you..." "That's out of respect. If others know that I ran away from home, it would be embarrassing for them. That's why they came to me." "I think it's not just that..." "Absolutely, that's what he is." Madam wiped away her tears and raised her head. "So, what should we do in the future?" "I don't know what to do either." "Sir said he wanted you to go back." "No matter what he says, if he doesn't apologize to me, I will never go back." "But, it can't always go on like this, can it?" "If you go back like this, there will be neither love nor physical relationship between the two, but a master-servant relationship. I can't bear this kind of life." "Then you can call him again..." "Ignore him." If this goes on, there is no room for relaxation, and Dongzi is helpless. "On the Shinkansen back from Kyoto, I thought about it and broke up with him." "real?" "I want to claim compensation, and the property will be divided into two. Buy a new apartment, and you can freely meet with Mr. Taketa." "So..." "Instead of sticking to the form of husband and wife, it's better to be more humane." Madam said that these may all be due to the impact of the operation.If there is no operation, the relationship with the professor may not be so tense, let alone run away from home. Mrs. Zhongshan lived with Dongzi that night.It was the first time to stay with someone else, and Dongzi was a little bit reluctant, but he couldn't say it out loud.Dongzi vacated the bed and left it to his wife. He planned to sleep on the sofa, but his wife seemed to want to sleep with Dongzi from the beginning. "Only you can understand my pain." That being said, it's hard for Dongzi to refuse. As usual, Dongzi accepted his wife's caress, and his wife was satisfied with it, and the two slept like this until dawn. The next day, Madam only drank a cup of coffee, calmed down a little, and left Dongzi's room. After that, there was no news for 3 days.On the 4th day, the wife called. "I have decided to part with him," said Madame suddenly. "Hey, can we meet today?" Dongzi is studying fashion design with fashion designer Fushiki. "Wait for 20 minutes, okay?" "Okay, I'll wait for you at the 'Mimosa House'." The lady's call is a bit obligatory as it is every time. Twenty minutes later, Dongzi came to the "Mimosa Pavilion", and his wife was already sitting there. "What's wrong?" "All in all, have to break up with him, can you help me find a suitable apartment?" "Really?" "Of course, do you think I'm joking?" "However, so quickly..." "The divorce case is entrusted to a lawyer, and I want to leave home as soon as possible." "Then what, sir?" "I don't know. Let him do what he wants. Better get an apartment nearby." "Does Sir agree with Madam's approach?" "This kind of thing doesn't require his consent. I left home because I hated him." "Is there no room for negotiation?" "He also wants to break up with me, and it's good for both parties. It's really normal for men and women to change." If the two really separate, then 20 years of married life will come to an end. "That's how fate plays tricks on people." Madam finished speaking and raised her head. "I'm 42 years old, I can't go on like this. Otherwise, my life as a woman will be over." At the age of 42, my wife has indeed passed the peak period of a woman, which cannot be compared with people around 20 years old. If it is an ordinary woman, maybe she will no longer think about women's affairs, and be mentally prepared to welcome the arrival of old age.At least not to run away from home or make love with young men. Over 40, a woman's youth is about to fade away.So become more courageous.Anyway, we are about to enter old age, we should take this opportunity to cherish a woman's youth and seek happiness.To be bound by decency is to gain nothing. Ma'am may be in this mood now. Dongzi drank his coffee, seeing that his wife's anxiety had nothing to do with him.But Dongzi will enter his thirties next year, and he is not young anymore. "It's too early to think about age." "If you think about it carefully, I wasted the best five years of a woman's life." "Waste?" "After the fibroid surgery, the doctor said it was okay, but he said that he couldn't have sex for the time being, for fear of affecting his recovery, so I believed it." "So, for the time being there is no..." "Not temporarily, but all the time, until he suddenly..." The lady lowered her head shyly at this moment. "Being persuaded by him, I thought it didn't matter to me anyway, so I agreed. But I didn't feel anything." "Sir, can't you?" "It's not impossible. Of course I want to. But he is no longer interested in me. If I ask for a little bit, he will say something contemptuous of me, so..." "Say something like that?" "Yes, I have been patient." "What about when you were with Zhuyang-kun?" "Of course, he's young and unskilled. But he's sincere and doesn't look down on me like my husband does, so I'm satisfied." "But it's not like that with everyone, right?" "No, even if it's not him, if it's someone else, as long as you caress me sincerely, I can be satisfied." Dongzi understands his wife's feeling of loss, but she doesn't agree with the point of view that it's okay to be with anyone. "Anyway, I hate being a professor's wife." Madam said firmly. "After waking up in the morning, I prepare breakfast and clean the room. I also have to go shopping and prepare dinner. This kind of life takes up most of a woman's time and wastes my youth. If this continues, I don't know why I live." "However, I am very envious of having a reliable husband as a backer and being able to be guaranteed in life." "Of course, it's fine if you love each other sincerely. But doing these things for someone who doesn't love you is very painful." Madam spoke resolutely, and it could be seen that she was very sad in her heart. "So, what about the child?" "The child has grown up, and he understands us. The child said that after his parents divorced, he is still our child and will visit us often. He wants to live in a student dormitory, and maybe he has moved out." "So you're really alone." "It's more clean and tidy, without any worries. A 42-year-old has no requirements, and just wants to spend the rest of his life happily, so I came to you after breaking up." "However, can't you find Mr. Taketa?" "He is different from you. He is him, and sooner or later he will betray us, so he does not understand our common distress." Dongzi admired his wife's bold and unrestrained character. "However, he is indeed a good young man. Next time the three of us have a good drink together." Introduced by his wife last time, Dongzi met Zhutian, but for some reason Dongzi didn't have a good impression of him, and always felt that he was very frivolous. "Perhaps it's too impolite to say such a thing. Does he regard his wife as a partner in seeking pleasure?" "Neither he nor I have any intention of getting married. Although I am over 40 years old, I am still young, so I can get some tips." "Did he tip you back?" "Of course." Fuyuko couldn't understand asking for tips from a man younger than herself.Maybe older people have a stronger sense of loneliness and hope to get help from others. "However, there are not too many young people who take middle-aged women as mistresses. As long as they meet, they will feel extremely touched." Madam talked about falling, and even Dongshou felt very sad. "Madam is not only beautiful, but also free again from now on." "It's not what it used to be, no matter how much you put on makeup, it won't work anymore." My wife often visits the beauty parlor for facial massage and steam bath, but the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes are still very obvious. "So, do you give Zhu a tip every month?" "There is no rule, buy him a suit once in a while, or a watch as a gift, that's all." "..." "You are still young, so there is no such need, but I think it is reasonable. What you get from many men when you are young, you are paying back now. This is called 'karma loop'." "If you can think about it like madam, it will be fine." "Whether it's right or not, at this age, there's nothing else to do but to do it." Perhaps it is true that most people have their own worries and worries. "In a word, I want to become a free person as soon as possible, to spend the rest of my life happily, and to enjoy the joy of life. This is my purpose." Madam smiled, no matter how painful it was, she never showed it, but dealt with it calmly, which is Madam's strength. "So, when are you leaving home?" "As long as the apartment is settled, we will move out tomorrow." "So fast……" "If you live together every day and see each other often, it will be difficult for divorce proceedings and property disposal to proceed smoothly." "However, after living together for decades, once separated, will it be unbearable?" "I don't miss this family anymore." Madame seems to have hated the present state of affairs. "Tell you, I'm very happy." "It doesn't work." "Come to you, I have a sense of relief, I chatter like this, just in front of you." As the madam spoke, she cast her coquettish eyes on Dongzi. Entering June, the rainy weather came to an end, and the sky was clear every day. It's almost time for calamus to bloom. In the future, the iris in the inner garden of Meiji Shrine will enter the viewing season from June 20. Perhaps because the hat shop is close to the Meiji Jingu Shrine, Fuyuko goes to watch the calamus in the inner garden every year.There are about 1,500 calamus here.The pool is winding and the scenery is quite spectacular and dizzying.Watching 1,500 calamuses at a time is really refreshing, and it is even more interesting to see this magnificent shinmen for the first time. In the season when the calamus in Neiyuan is in full bloom, the rainy season is approaching. Dongzi is different from others, she likes plum rain.Although the daily tide gives people a gloomy feeling, on the other hand, the plum rain makes people emotionally stable.Rainy days are perfect for thinking alone. This year's Meiyu is slightly different from previous years. When the "overcast and rainy" in early June, the Meteorological Observatory told people that the Meiyu period had entered, but after two or three days, the weather unexpectedly cleared up.After that, it rained for another two days and cleared for a few more days. The weather was cloudy and unpredictable. On a rainy afternoon, Funatsu called. "The matter entrusted to the Medical Malpractice Committee has already received a reply. I want to talk to you. Do you have time tonight?" Toko had made an appointment with a friend from the Yokohama era that day, but she didn't know that the results of the committee had come out, and she couldn't refuse him, so she was in a dilemma. "Meet a friend for dinner. Is nine o'clock okay?" "I can do whatever, then meet at the underground bar in Shinjuku I went to last time, and I will wait for you there." If possible, Fuyuko would like to meet at a restaurant, but she is too embarrassed to say so. "Understand the location!" "I'll fight for it." Dongzi nodded. "So, what was the result?" "As far as the committee is concerned, an in-depth investigation has been carried out. It is very difficult. However, it is not hopeless. I will talk to you in detail when we meet." Dongzi secretly advised himself, whatever. In the evening, it began to rain lightly, and the billboards on both sides of the street swayed gently in the wind and rain. At 8 o'clock, after having dinner with friends at a restaurant in Shibuya, Fuyuko hurried to Shinjuku. Fuyuko felt a little nervous every time she went to see Funatsu.I don't know what to talk about when I saw Funatsu. In this tension, there is also a sense of freshness. When Dongzi came to the bar, it was past 9 o'clock, later than the agreed time, and Funatsu had already arrived, and she had been waiting with her arms folded for a long time. "sorry I'm late." Futsuko approached, and Funatsu raised her head hastily.Maybe Dongzi's face was slightly flushed because of the wine she had just drunk. "Have you made arrangements with your friend?" "Already returned." "any drinks?" "Have some brandy." In order to prepare mentally for the conversation, Toko begged Funatsu for some hard liquor. Funatsu put his hands on his knees and said: "The doctor will call today. I went there. Judging from the results, it is difficult to claim compensation." Dongzi nodded slightly. "The Medical Malpractice Committee conducted an investigation in good faith. In fact, only the dean was present during the operation. Regarding the details of the operation, we have to trust the information provided by the dean." "..." "It is true that, as the doctor who diagnosed you first said, it is not necessary to remove the hysterus. On this point, the opinions of the committee members seem to be completely unanimous. However, the dean said that the condition was serious after the operation, and finally had to be removed. Uterus." "So, the committee members learned about the situation from the dean." "Of course, the dean was summoned by the committee and questioned. However, it is just an ordinary person's opinion that it is unnecessary to remove the hysterus. After the operation, it was discovered that the condition was unexpectedly serious, so the hysterectomy was performed. This cannot be regarded as negligence. No one was present and cannot be held accountable. The responsibility of the parties involved. The committee members believe that if the excised uterus is preserved, it can be judged." "Is the uterus preserved?" "No." Although it was to demonstrate whether the operation was correct or not, Dongzi felt chills at the thought of her uterus in front of her. "In short, the operation is carried out in a secret room, and no one else can know except the person involved. If the person involved does not leave any evidence, then others cannot investigate and judge. The principle of physical evidence first is of course hit a wall." The bar was crowded, but there were only Fuyuko and Funatsu in the booth, and it seemed that they didn't have to worry about others overhearing their conversation. "Then the matter is hopeless." "No, you can't say that. In your 20s, having a hysterectomy for fibroids generally doesn't make sense. The question is how severe the symptoms were before the surgery." "At that time, was it true that due to physical characteristics, I felt backache and leg pain, and I was out a lot?" At this point, Funatsu was embarrassed to ask. "Maybe they might ask you directly about the situation." "However, if you don't know the actual situation of the operation, isn't the result the same?" "Maybe so, but fibroids seem to be like a kind of acne, and healthy women seem to have them more or less." "Is it acne?" "This may be an overstatement. In short, fibroids are benign tumors. Even if they grow, they will not become as large as malignant tumors and threaten life. Therefore, it does not necessarily have to be removed." After listening to Funatsu's words, the doctors felt that he was very knowledgeable. "Usually low back pain is mostly caused by the contraction of abdominal muscles, just like the feeling of enlarged uterus due to pregnancy." When she was pregnant 3 years ago, Dongzi didn't feel this way. "For this reason, although it is a fibroid, it does not need to be removed early, and there is no need to worry about it." "So, who's going to decide whether to remove it or not?" "This is the problem. Generally speaking, there is severe pain, muscle contraction, anemia, and considering the age factor, it is up to the doctor to decide whether it needs to be removed. It's just that recently, the number of fibroid operations has been increasing, and most of them even include the uterus. Removal together, there are mixed opinions on this kind of surgery." "So to say……" "To give an inappropriate example, there is an opinion that the operation to remove fibroids is like digging a potato. The underground stems must be cut off. Therefore, to perform fibroid surgery, you must not only remove the fibroids, but also the uterus. Remove it so that the operation is complete. In contrast, another opinion holds that only the part that is the cause of the symptoms needs to be removed." Funatsu took a sip of his wine and continued: “确实，治病是为了达到彻底医治，不至于再次复发，但并非连续摘除。用一个愉当的比喻，这正如在腿上长了个肿瘤，不应该用把腿切掉的办法，达到医治的目的，否则毫无意义。医治肌瘤也是如此，不能连子宫一起切除。” 这么解释，终于明白了。 “总之，这次手术我从头到尾都了解，医学这么发达，难免出现意外。采取一种治疗方法，到底什么情况下应进行手术，什么程度只切除肌瘤，达到什么程度连子宫一起切除，这些都要具体分析，不能一概而论，最终要取决于医生的判断。亦即选择医生是一种命运。” “命运……” 冬子想起初次去医院的情景，当时，若去目白医院也许不摘除子宫也行。想到这里，冬子急忙摇摇头。 “那么，这次也许能取胜。” “或者……中途强词夺理，最后以患者个人体质的差异而逃脱责任。所以我感到很难追究院长的责任。” “从一开始，我就认为行不通。” “作为你本人说这种话，实在不应该。” “我们作为外行，不能涉足于医生的领域。” “这么认识的话，一切都完了。” 冬子把脸扭向柜台一侧。冬子已不想再谈论这个问题。 “给你添了不少麻烦，实在对不起。” “请您等一下，我还没有说完。委员会说了，想直接向你了解有关问题。” “虽然也许不能追究医生的责任得到赔偿，但却能起到警告院长的作用。既然委员会调查这件事，就说明至少对院长持怀疑态度，使他今后不再轻率行事。” “达到这个目的也好。” “你不想向委员会提供任何情况？” “是的，不想见他们。”冬子果断地说。 “也许进一步诉讼到法院会更好些？” "No." “我的做法太拙劣了。” “并非如此。船津君若不来找我，我会简单地认为这件事已经结束。我并不知道肌瘤、手术还有这么深奥的学问。多亏了你才使我增长了知识。” “我也是调查后，才知道这些事情的。” “呀，忘记了，喝酒啊！” “事情就这样糊里糊涂了结了吗？” “可以了结了。” "why?" “你也许不明白，如果真弄清楚是医生的过失，反而会更悲伤。” “这我明白……” “这样更好，喝酒吧！” 冬子象在自我安慰，端起酒杯，与船津碰杯。 “辛苦你了。我们干一杯。” 船津用异样的目光望着冬子，一口喝下了杯中的酒。 “你仍要去美国吗？” "Ok." “那么，今晚我们喝个痛快。” "Really?" 船泽的脸上又露出了笑容。 一时顾客稀少的酒吧里，现在变得拥挤不堪。老板娘年纪很大，身体显得臃肿。顾客多半是跟船津一样的年轻职员。 “在美国呆上几年。” “好不容易去一次。” “那么，再也见不到你了。” “不，虽说美国，但一天时间便可返回来。我想半年回来一次，所以马上又会见面的。” 船津低声说。 “为了和你分开，才去美国。中途返回来，也没有什么意义了。” 冬子望着装满白兰地酒的玻璃杯子，若有所思，不禁感到寂寞，产生一种失落感。 这种失落感是由于失去了爱幕自己的青年造成的，还是由于失去了爱呢？若是前者，是自己的忍耐，若是后者，那损失太大了。 "Let's go back!" 这时酒吧人多嘈杂，想换一个场所。 "Where are you going?" “总之，离开这里。” 来到外面，风停雨止。但阴云还笼罩着整个天空。 “去旅馆的酒吧如何？” 船津用手指向矗立在夜空之下的旅馆。 “我们去舞厅吧！” “我不知道这附近是否有舞厅，上次所长带我去过一个舞厅。” “在银座吧，我们去那里吧！”冬子说完挥手叫了辆出租车。 “去银座。”冬子说。 "Really can?" “没问题，这回听我的安排。” “万一让所长遇见……” “不要紧，反正你已辞职。” "However, you..." “不要替我担心。” 冬子边说，也想自己是否太过分了。 上次和贵志去的酒吧，在银座新桥附近。在白色大楼的地下，与其说是酒吧莫不如说更接近于夜总会。 12月初，冬子曾和船津等来过这里，在筑地用河豚招待了贵志一行，当时冬子帽子店的真纪、友美都在场。 此后，冬子恍惚记得只和贵志去过一次。 林荫道只一侧通行，从新桥到白楼，大约有200米。 二人在这里下了车，并下了台阶。看过牌子，才想起来这个酒吧名叫“化妆舞会”。 上次来的时候，店里灯光很暗，这次却大有改观。接近11点，店里并不拥挤。二人来到左侧包厢里坐下。 “请问二位，喝点什么？”服务员拿着冷饮单走过来问到。 “我来杯白兰地，你呢？”冬子问。 船津考虑一会，说到：“我也来杯白兰地。” “最近，贵志君来过这里吗？”冬子鼓足勇气向侍者问道。 “半月前，来过一次。” "yes?" 冬子微微点头，但船津似乎还是放心不下。 “是不是要碰到贵志？” “你不必担心？” 冬子说着，考虑若遇见贵志怎么办。二人并没有做什么亏心事。而且贵志又是成年人，既使碰见，也不会说三道四。若遇见贵志，一起喝点什么就行了。也许由于酒精的作用，冬子今天胆子大起来。 “那么，为船津君去美国干杯！” 冬子端起酒杯。 “不，今天为你干杯。” "I?" “虽然还未弄清，但总之医院调查结束了。” “那么，太让你受累了。” “与新宿的洒吧相比，木之内小姐更适合这种地方。” "There is no such thing." 顾客稀少，有钢琴伴奏，坐在角落的二人跳起来。虽然地方狭窄，有钢琴伴奏，不会流行的舞蹈，但是只有这样，也够有气氛的。 “请跳吧！” 冬子微微发醉，主动邀请船津。船津对跳舞并不擅长、学生时代只被朋友领去跳过三、两次。贵志的舞跳得很好。听贵志说，学生时代他没有别的爱好，若有四、五百日元，便去舞厅跳个通宵。 “于是，诱惑女性吧？” 冬子问到，贵志笑而不答。 贵志跳舞姿势优美、动作协调，而船津动作笨拙。由此可知他的紧张程度。 但冬子在这种不灵活的动作中，感到了青年人的纯真可爱。钢琴曲为“潇洒的分别”。 “喂，上次也是这支曲子，一定是特意为我们弹的。”冬子对船津低声说。 “这是潇洒吗？” "wrong." “我不明白。”船津说着，对挽臂的手用力。 “我对你说这件事，请不要见笑。” "What's up?" “和我一起去美国吧！” "I?" 一瞬间，冬子想抬起头，船津向前屈着身体，在冬子耳边低声说。 “和我一起去。” “确实，在来这之前我一直想一个人去美国。但来这里后，马上改变了主意。” 冬子又把脸伏在船津的胸部，感到他的衬衫上附有男人的气味。 二人默默地跳着。冬子不知怎么回答才好。船津也为自己的唐突不知所措。乐曲结束了，二人返回座位。 船津象是给自己壮胆，喝了一大口白兰地后，说：“不行吧？” “等一下。”冬子重新抬起头，注视着船津。 "you misunderstood." “我并没误解。” “我正如你所了解的那样，是个动过手术的女人。” "I know that." “那么，别开这种玩笑。” “我并不是在开玩笑，是真心的。” “那么，对我来说没有比这再伤心的了。” 冬子站起身来向化妆室走去。 这里与微微发暗的包厢相比，简直是另一个世界。明亮的镜子里，映照出自己的脸。这是一个即将29岁、做过手术的人的脸。 他将怎样对待这样的女人呢…… 从化妆室返回座位，冬子尽量装出高兴的样子，说：“现在该回去了，已过11点了。” “刚才说的话让你伤心了吗？” "No." 和船津在一起，冬子总觉得有一种压抑感，现在分开也就平安无事了。 “今晚不再慢慢喝一会儿了？” “已经很晚了，我先送你回去。”冬子说道。 “不，我送你回去。”船津似乎有些生气，站起来，什么也没说，来到外面，喊了一辆出租车。 "I'll take you back." 车启动后，冬子问道：“你生气了？” “我并没有生气，但你总是马马乎乎地搪塞我，根本不当一回事。” “没有，我不论什么时候都认真听取你的意见。” “那么，你为什么急于回去？我刚说到一半，你却打气。” “错了……” “现在我的话才说一半。” “这是由于你说了令人恐怖的事情。” “我说一起去美国，为什么感到可怕？我并不想把你带到美国后抛开不管。” “这我明白，所以才感到可怕。” “我真不明白。” “是的，你不会理解的。”冬子蹲下身来。 似乎船津单纯地认为带走自己爱的人是理所当然的事情。这么诚恳地要求，有什么可怕的，所以有些生气。 但冬子却感到这种诚恳令人可怕。若信以为真，顺从他去美国，后悔的时候怎么办？现在看上去年轻貌美，不久将人老珠黄，露出本来面目。 船津不仅了解冬子与贵志的关系和她失去了女人最宝贵的东西，而且也知道她比自己大两岁。现在不计较这些，也许不知什么时候不能容忍。现在喜欢的东西，也许不久就会变成憎恶的对象。 冬子不想玩味那种悲惨的命运。若真的遭受这种不幸，那么现在无论怎么痛苦，也只好忍受了。也许是过于思虑将来的事，冬子最近多少变得有点歇斯底里。 出租车通过大街向参宫车站驶去。车站附近小商店鳞次栉比，商店一直营业到1O时，热闹繁华。但现在几乎全部关闭，只有一间小餐馆的灯还在亮着。从这里通过，越过一个慢坡，便到了冬子的帽子店。 “到这里就可以了。” 车上了坡，冬子便说到。船津惊慌地望着冬子。 “我也下车。” "Do not worry about it." 冬子下了车，船津也跟着下了车。 "What's wrong?" "No……" 船津困窘般地站在那里。“今晚，在这里分手吧。” “不过这样下去再也见不到了。” “在去美国之前还有多少时间？” “大约有半个月左右。” “那么，我们还能见一次面。” “不过，刚才说的事，请你马上答复我。” 夜已经很深了，不能总站在这里。冬子沿着左侧的小道，慢慢地走着。 “今晚，不答复我，我不回去。” “刚才不是已经拒绝了吗？” “你并没有明确地表示拒绝，只说感到可怕。” 船津站在那里一动不动。 夜里，小道两旁路灯林立。冬子望着路灯，思考着什么。船津突然用手抱住冬子的肩头，将她拉到眼前。 "no……" 冬子将头扭过去。船津强行抱住她，低下头想吻冬子。冬子左右摇头，缩起脖子，但最后还是接受了船津的亲吻。在男人强有力的怀抱中，冬子听到了远外汽车的轰鸣声。 不一会，船津似乎想起了什么，放开了双臂。但冬子并未抬起头，把头埋在船津的怀抱里。船津低声道：“跟我走吧！跟我一起去美国吧！” 冬子在他的怀抱里，慢慢地摇摇头。 “为什么不行？你不喜欢我吗？” 冬子低声说：“正因为喜欢，才想这样分开。” “我真不明白。” “你当然不能明白。” 冬子知道自己的声音很微弱，而且即刻消失。二人默不作声，走在夜间的小路上。附近没有住宅区，一个人影也看不到，万籁俱寂。 左侧的树丛中，八仙花在电灯的映照下，出现在眼前。街道的另一端传来电车的声音，已经过了12点，也许是最后一班车。