Chapter 2 Chapter Two

Toko was admitted to Yoyogi Hospital on Thursday as scheduled. The hospital is in the direction from Yoyogi Station to Jingu, very close to the station.The hospital is relatively deserted, and the ward is at the south end of the third floor, a room for two people. When going to the hospital, Dongzi only told her mother's family and the girl in the store the name of the disease.Dongzi's hometown is in Yokohama. After Dongzi broke up with Takashi, her mother often called her. Sometimes, if she had suitable clothes, she would send them to Dongzi.Two months ago, my mother called and asked her if she wanted to get married, and introduced her to a young man who was 30 years old and graduated from a first-class university. He now works in a commercial company, but Toko refused.

"If you don't get married, it's fine when you're young, but you'll regret it in the future." My mother said so.But Dongzi still has no intention of getting married, let alone living with someone she doesn't know, it's even hard to imagine being hugged by him.When telling my mother about the operation, my mother immediately asked her: "The uterus will not be removed, will it?" Maybe because my mother is a woman, I am most worried about this. "It is said that it does not matter." "It's all because you are too casual." The mother blamed Dongzi on the excuse of illness.

"It's not a big operation, don't worry so much." Although Dongzi's mouth was hard, her mother had to take care of her after the operation. The girls in the store couldn't believe it when they heard that Dongzi was sick. "How can you say that you are sick?" The young Maki looked at Dongzi strangely.Tomomi, who helped make the hat, is only one year younger than Dongzi, so she knows better: it is said that being single is easy to get uterine fibroids, is it true? "After the operation, we will accompany you." "It doesn't matter, there is my mother. I'll leave the store to you."

"You can rest assured." "Please don't tell others about my illness in the future. If you ask me, just say I have a cold and didn't go to work, okay?" Dongzi was still very worried about the illness that left scars on her stomach. From the day of hospitalization, I began to prepare for the operation for examination.The first is blood and urine collection, and then chest X-ray and electrocardiogram. Although the operation is not major, various examinations before the operation are necessary.The young doctor who checked last time seemed to be acting again, and the dean checked again. "I'll know the results of the examination tomorrow morning. If it's normal, I'll have the surgery tomorrow afternoon." The dean is a strong man with a kind attitude.

In the afternoon, when Fuyuko was jumping from the window in the ward and looking at the faint Yoyogi forest, with the knock on the door, Funatsu appeared.As soon as Funatsu entered the door, he seemed to notice that it was a female ward, hesitated for a moment, then walked in with his head down. "Well, how are you now?" "Oh, it's good." There was no surgery yet, and Dongzi was feeling bored. Funatsu sat down on the round chair brought by Fuyuko's mother, and looked around uneasily. "The director is gone?" Dongzi deliberately didn't mention Guizhi's name in front of her mother.

"Well, he greets you." After Funatsu finished speaking, he took out an envelope from his suit pocket, "He asked me to deliver this." "He asked me to deliver it in the morning, because there were always guests coming in the morning, which was delayed." "Thank you." Dongzi took the envelope and put it beside the pillow carelessly. "The director is not here, are you busy?" "Well, but there is still time." "The tiger is not at home and the monkey is the king." Toko said that, and Funatsu laughed unrestrainedly. "When is the surgery?"

"Probably tomorrow afternoon." "Well, it seems relatively simple." Dongzi was worried how much he knew about his illness. "During the director's absence, if there is anything, please contact me." "thanks." Dongzi's mother boiled water in a coffee pot and made tea.Funatsu took a sip and stood up awkwardly: "Then, I take my leave." Fuyuko got off the bed in a light blue nightgown, and Funatsu looked away and lowered her head when she saw this. After Funatsu left, Dongzi just picked up the letter when her mother asked, "Who is that person?"

"I work at Mr. Kishi's Design Office." Toko answered with a nonchalant look.Mother didn't say anything, and walked out of the room silently.Only Toko was left in the room.Dongzi opened the envelope.Inside were twenty ten thousand yuan banknotes wrapped in letter paper, only money but no letter.The last time I saw him, he didn't talk about money, just said "If you have any difficulties, please let me know." Dongzi didn't expect Guizhi to give her money, but he sent it anyway.Slow and thoughtful, clumsy and quick-witted, that's exactly what Takashi is.

200,000 yuan may not be a great amount to Guizhi, but it is very precious to Dongzi now, and Dongzi has never had such a large number. Dongzi suddenly became worried again, did Funatsu know that the envelope contained money?What would he think of my relationship with Kishi?Did he know we were friends who used to live together?In any case, Funatsu is indeed a little naive. He looks like an honest and educated young man. It is painful to let such a young man know the past of the two of them. The next morning, the dean came to check the ward.After reading the medical records taken out by the nurse, he said: "The results of the examination showed mild anemia. But it doesn't matter. The operation will start this afternoon."

"How long will the surgery take?" "Including the anesthesia and other time required, it will only take two hours. The anesthesia is general anesthesia, and the operation will be over while you are sleeping." "..." "The anesthesiologist is a professional gentleman brought in from the university. He can put you to sleep at the beginning, so it doesn't matter." "In the future, it will hurt..." "It's just that the wound hurts a little bit, because the uterus is not a sensitive part, so it won't hurt too much." It is incredible to say that the uterus is not too sensitive.Maybe it was explained in that way in medicine, but Dongzi didn't quite understand it.

"The operation starts at two o'clock in the afternoon. Please cut off the pubic hair before then." The dean said to the nurse expressionlessly.Dongzi blushed when she heard this. "As I said yesterday, please don't eat lunch." After the dean finished speaking, he walked out of the ward. "I won't just die like this." Dongzi said timidly to her mother. "You are too nervous." The woman in the next bed who had been treated for an ovarian abscess a week earlier also comforted her. "However, it is more difficult to circumcise the uterus than the ovaries." "Either type of surgery is the same." Because laymen don't quite understand that Dongzi only wants the bad aspects.If there is a chance... Will Kishi come back from Europe in a hurry?Will he sit on my pillow and cry for me?Thinking of this, Dongzi realized that no one would tell Takashi when she died... There is still only one way for the mother... However, if I tell my mother, my mother will definitely feel unhappy. In fact, my mother has been a little unhappy since accepting Kishinobu.But if something like that really happened, my mother would definitely tell Guizhi, because my mother knows that Guizhi is my favorite person. While Dongzi was thinking wildly, it was past noon.Dongzi took a sleeping pill with anesthetic effect and fell asleep. When Dongzi woke up, it was like being in a fog.The recovery of consciousness seems to be faster with the ears than the eyes, and frequent calls can be heard from a distance. The voices of "Miss Toko", "Do you know?", "It's all right" echoed around the head.Dongzi tried to open his eyes several times, but his face was as heavy as lead, and he couldn't open it. His whole body felt as if it was not his own body.Someone was indeed shouting, but it was impossible to tell who it was. Suddenly, a chilly feeling passed over the forehead, who touched it, or put something like a cold towel on it.Then another voice came out from a very close place: "Dongzi." That's right, it was my mother's voice. "Miss Kichinouchi." It seemed to be the voice of a young nurse. Dongzi tried again to open his eyes, but there was still a mist, and after a while, it couldn't be dispelled, and in the constantly spewing mist, he vaguely saw his mother's face.The nurse's round face was also seen. "I woke up...the operation is over." "Oh..." Dongzi wanted to speak, but couldn't speak. "It doesn't matter anymore. Does it hurt?" Dongzi couldn't exactly feel where the pain was, she just felt lazy all over, and soon fell into a lethargic sleep again. When she woke up again, it was completely dark.There are lights on the ceiling and beside the pillows. "What, are you awake?" Dongzi could clearly see the outline of her mother's face this time. She looked around again, and she could also see the bed behind her mother and Dr. Yasui lying there.Looking carefully, the blood pressure monitor is wrapped around the right hand, and the drip needle is inserted in the left hand. "Does it hurt?" "It hurts..." Following her mother's words, Dongzi groaned softly.There is one place that is different from the pain of the needle prick. It always feels like a hot fireball is stuffed into the stomach. With the hot fireball as the center, the whole body seems to be tied up and cannot move. "water……" The mother gently put a piece of gauze soaked in water on Dongzi's lips.Cool and comfortable, Dongzi pursed her lips and sucked. "It's all right." Dongzi nodded and thought absently, where is Guizhi now? It was an hour later that Dongzi really felt the pain.After the nurse left, the doctor came and gave Dongzi an injection. Maybe it was the effect of the injection, Dongzi fell asleep after a while.Even in her sleep, Dongzi was still in a daze, and sometimes she would suddenly mutter: "It hurts..." After waking up the next morning, the prickly pain was much relieved, but my body still had a fever. "Temporary fever after the operation, there is no need to worry." After the dean finished speaking, he ordered to continue the infusion. The whole morning, Dongzi was in a slight pain, watching the drips continue to decrease.Where is Guizhi at this time?Soon, Dongzi fell asleep again in a daze, and dreamed that the hat she had made was lost, and Maki and Tomomi were looking for it separately.When she woke up, she found a pot of chrysanthemums by the window, but there were none in the morning.While Dongzi was blossoming looking at the sky that was beginning to darken outside the window, after the nurse removed the infusion stand, the dean came in.The dean seemed to have just finished some other operation, and he was still wearing sandals on his feet. "I want to explain your operation." The dean looked at the faces of Dongzi and mother respectively.Through the dean's white coat, Dongzi vaguely saw the colorful tie. "The fibroids growing on the uterus were completely removed." Dongzi only answered with his eyes. "It doesn't matter anymore, and it will never recur. But when the surgery is opened, the fibroids are unexpectedly large, and they grow on the inner side of the uterus. You will understand after looking at it, it is just this big." The dean circled a circle with his fingers. A circle the size of an egg, "and not one, but three formed, even extending to the mucous membrane of the uterus." Will something so scary grow up?Dongzi couldn't bear to look at it, and looked away in a blink of an eye. "So I had to cut it off, but because of the large number of fibroids, the uterus was also removed." "So, already..." "Although the uterus was removed, because it is inside the stomach, there is no need to worry." "But..." Dongzi looked at her mother for help.Mother bowed her head and said nothing. "Because you are still young, you want to keep as much as possible. However, you can't remove the fibroids, so you have to remove them all." "In this way, having a baby is already..." "Unfortunately……" "..." Suddenly, Dongzi felt dizzy. "If the fibroids are not removed, they can bleed and grow very large, which can cause a lot of problems. You can't get pregnant in this situation." "But..." Dongzi almost said that she was pregnant with Takashi's child once. "Half of the uterus has been corroded...Look, ma'am," the dean turned to his mother, who nodded slightly. "Although the uterus is removed, it doesn't affect other life. That thing is only during pregnancy, like a bag to protect the child, so don't worry too much." "..." "The stitches can be removed in a week, and you can leave the hospital in about two weeks. Please don't worry." The dean instructed the nurse and walked out of the room. Only Dongzi and his mother were left in the room.Sadness filled Dongzi's whole body. "Mom, did you see the operation?" "No. The doctor told me after the operation." "So, did you see the womb?" "Let me see it, but I said I was afraid, and he said it was this, I didn't look carefully..." Dongzi closed his eyes. "What kind of strange thing was cut off from the body? What is the fibroid on the uterus like?" "Cut it off, it doesn't matter." "But..." Dongzi bit her lips as soon as she was about to say, her tears filled with tears, "It's too cruel." "..." "If you know it, just tell me right away." "What did you say……" "No, I hate it." Dongzi shook her head from side to side, causing pain in her lower body, and tears flowed out. "Cruel! Cruel!" Mother had nothing to say, and sat silently beside Dongzi.The mother who has no responsibility is being blamed by Dongzi. After crying for a long time, Dongzi gradually stopped crying, and her mother seemed to be waiting for her to cry and was wiping her tears. From my mother's shoulders, I could see the burning red sky, and dusk was falling from the clouds. "It can only be good if you cut it off, otherwise you can't think about it." "What?..." My mother still has a womb, but I don't. The fifty-three-year-old mother does, but the twenty-eight-year-old Dongzi doesn't. Of course, the mother doesn't understand her sorrow. "I hate it, I hate it..." Although Dongzi knew that even if she shouted, she would not be able to return to the uterus, but she still had to shout.Dongzi cried all night. The pain in the lower abdomen made Dongzi's emotions more difficult to control.No womb is worse than dead.No matter what you say, the uterus is the life of a woman. Only with it can menstruation and children be born.A woman who has no menstruation and cannot bear children is not a woman, it is just a woman's shell on the outside.If there is no menstruation, it is impossible to distinguish between a girl and an old woman. Even as a woman, she has lost her beautiful and fulfilling life.What's the point of being alive if you become a woman's shell? It will only deceive others and yourself. "Hate it, I hate it!" Dongzi suddenly called out again.The mother squatted beside the bed, speechless to comfort her, and Mrs. Yasui, who was in the next bed, also covered her with the quilt and turned around. "Help me, grow the uterus again." Dongzi shouted, cried, and cursed.The doctor was worried about being too excited and gave her an injection. In a drowsy dream, Dongzi dreamed that his body was being eaten by countless insects. The strange insects, like hyenas, swarmed and gnawed on the blood-red wounds of the uterus. On the morning of the third day, Dongzi put on a little makeup.I still felt a dull pain in my lower body, and the temperature seemed to have dropped to about 37 degrees. Wearing make-up without a womb... Although she is no longer a woman, she still seems to be in the mood to dress up.Dongzi was unhappy about this.The whole morning, when the doctor came to examine the illness and change the gauze, Dongzi didn't say a word. Although she was scared, Dongzi wanted to look at the scar and ask about the situation after the uterus was lost, but she finally didn't say it. "How is it? The operation didn't touch the inside of your stomach very much, you need to eat a little bit." After the dean finished speaking, Dongzi just nodded, but still didn't speak.Silence is a kind of passive resistance of a woman whose uterus has been removed without knowing it. After changing the gauze, wrapping up a new belt, and changing into pajamas, Dongzi felt much more refreshed.I was still so desperate last night, even wanting to die, but now maybe because it is morning, I have calmed down a little. Is this how one overcomes grief and gets on with life?Dongzi looked at the morning sun and imagined the lives of women who had their uterus removed and were still living. After checking the ward, the mother gave her the boiled milk to drink.At this time, with a knock on the door, Maki came in. Maki, 22, wore a georgette dress like the one in Lorenson's painting, with an Isshiki bow tie at the bosom. "Ma'am, how are you?" "Oh," Dongzi nodded. "I bought this at the flower shop in front of the station, let's put it here." Maki put the roses on the washstand. "How's the store?" "With the two of us here, please rest assured." Dongzi nodded while thinking, it is really impossible to tell the young girl the news of losing her womb. Perhaps it was because Maki went back and told everyone that Dongzi was able to speak. From the fourth day onwards, the number of guests who came to visit Dongzi gradually increased. Tomomi from the store came in the morning, and after that, my college friend, Mrs. Zhongshan, etc. also came.Everyone brought Dongzi snacks, bouquets, etc., and various flowers were placed beside the narrow window of the ward. Everyone seemed to naturally think that Dongzi only removed the fibroids. "Since this is the case, hurry up and marry someone and have a baby." Mrs. Zhongshan still said in her sonorous voice.Dongzi followed suit and felt tired after a while.In the evening, after Mrs. Zhongshan went back, Dongzi thought of Guizhi.Where is he now...perhaps from Amsterdam to Paris today.Dongzi once went to Paris with Takashi.As a hat designer, she once wanted to visit a hat shop in Paris, but that time she went with Takashi's work. People call Paris "the Paris of flowers", but Paris in November is a gloomy season.The courtyard of the apartment and the steps of the building are permeated with the cold air of early winter. Maybe Takashi is walking on the streets of Paris in the early winter with his shoulders bowed and his shoulders bowed.Dongzi pondered, she seemed to feel that the current twilight was the same as Takashi's twilight in Paris. Is it true that he won't remember me when he goes to Paris... Thinking of this, Dongzi suddenly thought about how to tell Guizhi about losing her womb.If he knew, what would he say... Would he say "never" in surprise, or ask "really?" A body without a uterus"... Thinking about it, Dongzi's head began to ache. On the seventh day, the stitches were removed from Dongzi's wound. Dongzi held up his upper body anxiously to check. The scar was like a line of horizontal characters on his stomach, nearly ten centimeters long. "In the future, the scars will be so good that they can hardly be seen." The dean laughed after finishing speaking. "In this case, it doesn't matter if you wear a bikini when you take a sea bath." Indeed, the wound was not as big as Dongzi imagined. I thought the removal of the uterus was done vertically from near the navel, but it was not like that. As the dean said, don't worry that others won't see it.Of course, it doesn't mean that it can't be seen from the outside. "Laughing may also cause the wound to twitch. But it's better to move a little bit." The dean reminded her.It is not necessary for the dean to say that Dongzi will pay attention to the level of activities. "Then, I'll go back and see you the next day." That afternoon, my mother packed her luggage and went back to Yokohama.The mother stayed in the ward for a week, and it was tiring enough. Moreover, there was always inconvenience without a mother at home. "In the future, it's better to be honest." Before leaving, the mother said to Dongzi.What does this mean? Is it necessary to take a good rest after being sick, or is it alluding to the relationship with Guizhi? After her mother left, Dongzi felt very lonely for a while.But on the other hand, she is also much more relaxed.I left home and lived alone for nearly ten years. Once I was with my mother, I immediately felt unfree. My aunt who lives in Rihei once said that Dongzi’s beauty and personality are inherited from her mother. This is true. Although she is over fifty, her mother is still so thin and full of energy. When she combs her hair in the mirror, she has a radiant glow. delicate and charming.The mother of this temperament is somewhat awakened, so although she is also worried about the girls, but most of the time she let them do what she likes.On the surface, it is the mother who waits on the authoritarian father, but in fact, it is the mother who manipulates the father behind the scenes. Regardless of the opposition of the people around, Dongzi elopes with Guizhi, which may be the result of inheriting such a strong personality from her mother.Don't rely on others, once you make a decision, you can't support it.Dongzi was very surprised to see his own shadow from his mother's body, and his mother seemed to feel the same way. In any case, when she was alone, Dongzi felt as if she had been liberated. In the past, when her mother was here, her imaginary wings were restrained, and now she can gallop freely. no uterus.What will happen to the union of a man and a woman... Dongzi began to seriously consider this issue from the second day after the stitches were removed.Before this, the pain after the operation made her have no time to think about this kind of thing, and she just kept praying for the relief of the pain and the decrease of the fever.Now that the pain has disappeared, and he has more or less an appetite, Dongzi's mind has returned to reality. Can it really go on like in the past... Dongzi felt blushed.The doctor said everything about the illness and scars, but nothing about the sex life of men and women. Will the doctor tell me about this sooner or later, or is it no longer necessary to ask?Before being hospitalized, I heard about some people who had their uterus removed, but I didn't hear about the living conditions after the removal.At first, I didn't think that I would have my uterus removed, so I felt that it was not appropriate to hear it.But now that it has been removed, it has become a very important thing.It seems that people who lost their wombs are mostly in their fifties or sixties, at least 40 years old. They don’t care even if they don’t have a uterus. Although it’s a bit cruel to them, in terms of age, to some extent they are understandable.However, Dongzi lost her femininity at only 28 years old. It is too cruel to cut off all desires. At night, under the desk lamp, Dongzi recalled the female physiological structure she had seen in women's magazines.In the past, when I saw such a page number, I felt embarrassed in my heart, and I just glanced at it in a hurry, without taking a closer look at it.However, I can still recall that the uterus seems to be in a very deep place and has no direct relationship with sexual behavior. Is that so?As the womb of a woman's life, it's not irrelevant to the union of a man and a woman, maybe it just doesn't work... At this moment, Dongzi thought of Takashi.Can he never hug me again?Is the tryst before the operation the last time... Thinking of how miserable her situation is, Dongzi really wants to cry.Have I become a stone girl who cannot accept male caresses? Dongzi got up, took out a small mirror from the drawer of the table next to her pillow, and looked at her face carefully under the desk lamp.The hair was brushed back, and the unpowdered face was indeed a woman's face. The cheeks were slightly thinner than before, but it could still be seen that it was a young face of 20 years old. "You are no longer loved by men, are you disabled for life?" Dongzi looked at the mirror, talking to herself with tears in her eyes. On the tenth day after the operation, when Fuyuko's mood gradually began to calm down, Funatsu came. "How is it?" Funatsu asked her in a concerned tone as usual. "Thanks to you, it's much better." "Really?" Funatsu was wearing a beige suit and a one-color fine flower tie. Fuyuko once thought about whether a suit of this color would suit Takashi. "Where is the director now?" "Paris. I hear you'll be back this weekend." "Is there a letter?" "Well, he greets you." "Oh, thanks." What else was written?Dongzi tried hard to restrain the thought of wanting to hear. "Is there anything else? If anything, let me do it." "There's something wrong, please listen." "Well, of course." "I want to buy something, in a department store." "what?" "Want a robe like this one." "What color do you want?" "It doesn't matter what you think is good." Funatsu looked hesitant, like an innocent child. Dongzi took out 20,000 yuan from his wallet. "No, I have money." "Hold it first, and if it's not enough, put it on for me." Funatsu looked down at the money, and it took a long time to put it into his trouser pocket. "Would you like some coffee?" "No, I'm leaving, and I'll go to the department store right away to have a look." "It's okay not to go now. It's not so urgent." "Excuse me, when will you be discharged from the hospital?" "Ah, I think soon." "Is it not hurting now?" "It's okay to walk slowly." Funatsu looked at Dongzi again: "Then, I'll take my leave. The robe will be brought tomorrow." After speaking, he picked up his coat and walked out of the ward. Lie in bed all day, thinking about losing the uterus.Although this is understandable, Dongzi still feels depressed when he thinks about it. Funatsu brought her a robe. It was a bad afternoon for Toko. "Is this okay?" Funatsu carefully opened the wrapping paper.It is a navy blue base with gold embroidery on the bottom placket and cuffs. "Great." "Thinking about it, but..." "Did the clerk laugh at you?" "I said, my sister is in the hospital." "Calling my sister is too much. Funatsu, how old are you?" "26 years old." "Then, there's no other way." Dongzi forced a smile. "Do you like it?" "Very good. Thank you." After Dongzi finished speaking, she got off the bed and compared the neckline. The size was roughly right. "How much? Isn't that enough money?" "Yes, it's cheap, enough." "Don't say that, tell the truth." "It's really enough." "There are two places that are carefully embroidered, so it won't be so cheap." "It's really embarrassing for me, tell me the truth," Toko asked Funatsu again, but Funatsu ignored it. "Today, the director made an international call." "Oh, from where?" "Paris. Said to be back on Saturday." "Oh. What did you say?" "Well, I asked about your matter." "Well, what did you say?" "healthy." "It's Funatsu's cold answer. What will Kishi think?" Toko imagined Kishi's expression on the phone. "Hey, do you want to eat this?" Funatsu hesitated, and took out a square box tied with a ribbon. "What?" Dongzi opened the box, and there were chocolates with the "Motukov" trademark printed on them. There were round and oval chocolates, and they were wrapped in red and blue tinfoil one by one. "Where did this come from?" "Bought it, eat it if you like." "Is this also the director's order?" "No, it's not." Funatsu denied hastily, the level of seriousness made Dongzi laugh. While the two were eating chocolate, Funatsu stood up. "Going back?" "Ok……" Funatsu is always like this, go back as soon as the matter is over, there is not much to say between the two, and it is very simple.Maybe it's to beware of Takashi. Looking at the figure of Funatsu walking out of the room, Toko thought, "How much will he know about our relationship?" Although the disease in surgery is terrible and painful, once it is cured, it will be cured quickly. If internal medicine is compared to a marathon, then surgery is a short distance run. After the stitches were removed, Dongzi's wound was almost painless. If you bend over sharply and laugh loudly, your lower body will still feel tense, but it's not very obvious.The slight bleeding after the operation also stopped within a week. "When can I leave the hospital?" On the morning of the 13th day, Dongzi asked the dean who came to make the rounds. "I can go back in two or three days." If it was three days later, it would be exactly the time for Guizhi to come back. "After being discharged from the hospital, can I go to work immediately?" "You recover quickly, and it doesn't matter if you go to work. But it's better to start with half a day." Dongzi also didn't have the confidence to stand in the store for a day, at best it was only half a day.Still, going to work is not the same as not going to work. "After leaving the hospital, do you still want to come here?" "If there are no special circumstances, please come once in 20 days." "Will it get worse?" "I'm afraid not. The uterus is the so-called pouch. As long as you are not pregnant, it is usually useless. So it is much simpler than stomach and intestinal surgery." Maybe it was what the doctor said, but Dongzi didn't believe it so simply. "There's no such thing as pain and bleeding, is there?" "There is no such thing. Because the uterus is completely removed, of course there will be no pain or bleeding." The dean smiled, and then said as if thinking of something, "You are single, maybe it doesn't matter. Only in terms of sex life, It’s better to be restrained for the time being.” "..." "There is no particular problem, but it will take about half a month after being discharged from the hospital." Dongzi lowered his head silently. "So, is the discharge scheduled for two days?" "If you can……" "Then, it's settled like this." After the dean explained to the nurse, he walked out of the ward. The autumn day in the afternoon is very clear.Dongzi was in the bright sunshine, thinking back to what the dean said just now. Needless to say, I wouldn't do that kind of thing right after leaving the hospital, and even if a man asked for it, I wouldn't think about it.I don't know if there are any women who have sex with their husbands and lovers immediately after losing their uterus.According to the doctor's reminder, it seems that there is, how will those people feel? There are many things to worry about, such as accepting orders, products delayed due to illness, designing hats for next year's exhibition, and negotiating wholesale conditions at department stores. Dongzi was discharged from the hospital two days later, and stayed in the hospital for exactly half a month.The Yoyogi forest was still green when I was hospitalized, but now it has begun to change color, and some have turned into red leaves.Dongzi's body is already much better. Whether she is walking or bending over, she no longer feels pain. It's just that when she stretches her body violently, her lower abdomen will feel tight, but it's not so obvious. After checking the ward for the last time in the morning, Dongzi started to pack her luggage.After only half a month in the hospital, everything from a change of clothes to washing utensils and table utensils is available.While Toko was packing these things into her bag, Funatsu came. "Are you leaving the hospital today?" "Yes, we are preparing now." "I'll help you if I can." "Did you come here on purpose?" "Ok……" Funatsu seems to have known that Fuyuko was discharged from the hospital. Although it was helpful, Funatsu couldn't let Funatsu pack his underwear and pajamas. "Then, I'll pack my luggage. Please throw the fruit cages and empty boxes there on the garbage dump at the end of the corridor." Funatsu took off his suit and started to work. After being discharged from the hospital, my mother should have come, but she couldn't come due to a cold. As Funatsu said, he was very good at doing things, and after an hour, he was ready to be discharged from the hospital.Then Dongzi greeted the doctors and nurses and left the ward. The luggage was a big box and two paper bags. Funatsu took the box and the heavy paper bag, and the nurse helped her carry the light paper bag and sent them to the gate of the hospital. The room that I haven't come back to for half a month is full of damp and chilly. "It's hard work, let's take a rest." Dongzi said to Funatsu.Then I opened the curtains and boiled water. Funatsu sat restlessly on the sofa.Dongzi made coffee and brought him a cup. He tasted it beautifully and said, "It's a good place." "Funatsu, where do you live?" "Shimokitazawa." "Oh, isn't that right in front of here!" Take the Oda Express Line, four stations in front of Sangong Bridge is Shimokitazawa. "You don't want to wear a hat?" "It's not all that annoying." "What kind of hat do you wear?" Funatsu's face was slightly elongated, looking gentle. "A beret, or a tungaron?" "Tungallon. Like a shepherd boy's hat?" "Yes, yes, it's the folded top, the sides." "Best for young people. Have you ever worn one?" "I didn't wear it once. Go back to the store next time and let me have a look." "Okay, if you like it, I'll give it to you." "No, I'll buy it." Dongzi looked at the clock on the dining cabinet, it was half past twelve. "Ah, it's already noon, let's have some rice balls or something." "No, I'm not hungry. Can you do it alone?" "Take it easy, it doesn't matter." Funatsu nodded and stood up, looking at Dongzi with some attachment, "If there is anything else, please call me." "Thank you. You have worked hard today." After Dongzi thanked, Funatsu walked out of the room with a reserved greeting. The next day, Dongzi went to the store that hadn't been there for half a month. As soon as they arrived at the store, Maki and Tomomi ran over. "I'm back, lady boss." The two looked at Dongzi in a suit curiously. Dongzi distributed a box of snacks to the two, and then listened to their reports while eating snacks in the studio inside. There were generally no problems due to hospitalization.What is urgent at the moment is the expenditure of material costs and the payment of orders in arrears, and the invoices and letters must also be sorted out.Dongzi read the letters and books for about two hours in the studio, and then started to prepare to go back. "I'm going back first. I'm in the room. If there is anything, please let me know." After talking to the two of them, Dongzi left the store. I hailed a car and was about to go back when I suddenly changed my mind and stopped by the bookstore in Shibuya.I stayed in the bookstore for a while, and finally bought a book describing women's physiology and diseases and went back.Despite the commute by car, she was still very tired and had rice balls for dinner, but she had no appetite.Dongzi climbed onto the bed and opened the book she bought. Before being hospitalized, I also read several books about uterine fibroids, but they were not illustrated with pictures.Before the operation, she was very worried about fibroids, so now she is very interested in the shape of the uterus.In the book I bought, it is described in detail that from the vagina to the uterus, the fallopian tubes extend on the left and right sides of the uterus like a fishing line, and the ovaries rest on the two ends of the fallopian tubes.The egg is formed in the ovary, travels through the fallopian tubes to the uterus, where it is fertilized by sperm that enters the vagina.This is all learned by reading this book. Dongzi covered the uterus in the picture with her hands.The uterus in the center is gone... yes, the uterus is a center, connecting the ovaries and vagina, it is in the center, and it is also the largest from the picture.Maybe the size does not matter, even if it is removed, it will not affect the stomach.But is the result of removal really as empty as seen in the dream, or is it filled with intestines or something?In that case, what happens to the vagina?There is such a large space on the top, won't it affect the bottom?Will the vagina turn into a fluffy bottomless swamp?这么重要的东西没有了，不会不影响性生活。那个医生是男性，他懂得真正的女性实感吗？ 看着看着，冬子的心情变坏了，她甚至感到自己的肚子仿佛成了一种奇异的妖怪的巢穴。 “讨厌……”冬子放下书翻身伏卧在床上。不想再看了，一切都不愿再想了。冬子伏卧着，把脸埋在枕头里。正在这时，电话铃响了，短促而断续地象着。响了第五次时，冬子起身拿起话筒。 “是我呀，刚回来。” 没错，是贵志的声音。 "what……" “手术怎么样？” “不，你回来了。” “现在正要离开税关。我想现在到你那儿去。” "Right away?" “方便吗……” "It doesn't matter." 床边的钟正指向8点30分。 “那么，一会儿见。”电话挂上了。 按响门铃，冬子出来一看，贵志正站在门口，右手提着一个黑色的人造革提包。 "came back." “啊。”贵志上下打量着冬子，“可以进吗？” "Please." 贵志没有带领带，在浅蓝色的衬衫上打着藏青色的领结。这身打扮与黑发白脸很相称。 “手术很顺利吧？” "Ok." “好啊，”贵志答应着，坐在前面的沙发上，“是听船津说的……” “他把钱给我送来了。” "Ok." “这是为什么。” “没有别的意思。” “可是，我没有理由就这样接受了。” “就算这样，总胜过没接受吧。”贵志说完，从桌子旁边的提包里拿出一个纸包。 “是给你的礼物。” "What is it?" “马上就要到冬天了。” 外国的包装很简单，解开一条细绳，从里边露出了毛皮。是四张浅灰色的水貂皮作成的双层披肩。 “啊，好漂亮。无论什么颜色的大衣都相配呢。” "Really?" “正是我想要的。快点冷就好了。” 拿到礼物，刚才因现金而感到别扭的心情马上消失了。 "OK." 冬子把披肩重新包在纸里，走向厨房。 “工作怎么样？” “要想用两周左右的时间，参观荷兰和法国的主要建筑物，根本行不通。” “看建筑物做什么？” “这次因为要写篇学社出版的《欧洲的建筑物》的解说，到过去没有看到的地方转转……” 冬子在咖啡里添上牛奶，放到贵志面前。 贵志慢慢地喝着咖啡。也许是精神的作用，看起来贵志比出门时要疲乏一些。 “那个，果然是肌瘤吗？” “嗯……”冬子拿着咖啡杯，点点头。 “割掉了肌瘤，就不要紧了吧。” “是。”冬子回答着，但不要紧三个字没说出口。 “早些手术好。” “嗯。”冬子除此以外，无言以对。 “昨天出院的吗？” “在中午，船津来帮我的。” “那家伙好象喜欢你。” "I?" “他总很热情地提到你的事。” "What did you say?" “没有，只是说你健康啦，手术结束啦。”贵志勉强笑了笑。 “我没怎么感觉出来。” “喔，那就好，一起去旅行吧。” "where to?" “南方的博多、云仙怎么样？好久就想在日本悠闲地逛一逛。” 和贵志分手以后，冬子几乎没有旅行，只有一次与店里的女工去了伊豆和因工作的需要去了趟大阪。 “11月中旬吧？” 冬子想，那时候显然忙，但还不到年末，如果高兴的话，能抽出两、三天的时间。 "go?" “好啊。”冬子回答后又想起失去子宫的事。身体这个样子，如果贵志要求那事怎么办？能象过去那样自然地应付吗？ "What's wrong?" “没。”冬子慌忙地摇头。 “改变主意了？” "No." “那么，我要走了。”贵志按熄了香烟。 “我就走吗？”说完后，冬子感到可笑。她讨厌自己对一度死心的男人恋恋不舍。 “车在等着我。” 冬子开始正常工作，是出院一周以后。来采购的人、熟悉的顾客，看到冬子都很关切地说一些：“已经好了吗？”之类的话。总之因子宫肌瘤而做手术，除了中山夫人以外，似乎还没有外人知道。 “托您的福，给您添麻烦了。已经不要紧看。”冬子一边向大家致谢，一边感到自己好象做了什么坏事似的。为什么要隐瞒呢？冬子自己也不明白。但不管怎么说，自己不愿意告诉他人。 过了一会，贵志往店里打来了电话。 "How about it?" “托您的福。”冬子向他寒暄了之后，感谢他上次送来的礼物。 “又要说那个。手术之后，不要勉强为好。” 可是冬子已经完全和以前一样了，无论走、跑，哪里也不感到痛了。而且食欲也很好，出院后10天左右，就长了近一公斤。大家都在替她担心，而自己却什么事也没有。这种状况，反而使冬子感到不好。 “这周稍微忙些，下周会有空闲，再好好地吃点什么。” “嗯……”冬子一边回答，一边想，我们之间是什么关系呢？如果在平常，也许会破镜重圆，偏偏这也算不上。 坦率地说，手术后恢复之快，冬子自己也感到吃惊，原来以为，摘除子宫一定会留下后遗症，可是出乎意料，什么也没有。冬子一方面对失去了那么重要的东西，仍能承受下来的身体感到吃惊，另一方面也感到忧郁。当然，她并不是希望特别恶化好，但总感到如果肚子稍稍痛点，懒散啦，腰酸无力啦，反而留下点什么会好一些。 身体恢复得这样快，使冬子产生了新的不安。早晨一照镜子，忽然发现嘴巴周围的汗毛变浓了，在荧光灯下，汗毛投出淡而柔软的影子。冬子生来毛发就稀。学生时候，有的朋友很操心自己的汗毛，不得不剪掉胳膊和腿上的毛。她没有那样的操心。 冬子注意到嘴巴周围的汗毛确实变浓了。难道……可能精神作用，冬子一边想着，一边把脸靠近镜子，不管怎么看，还是那样。 “为什么呢？”冬子条件反射地想起自己没有了子宫。失去子宫就不成其为女人，因此胡子才浓的吗，还是荷尔蒙失调，男性化了？ 冬子慌慌忙忙地从胳膊查到腿。胳膊肘的外侧和小腿的左右长着柔软的毛，在荧光灯下，由于皮肤苍白的原因，那些毛起来又黑又长。这周围的毛，冬子已经一年没有剪过了。夏天穿无袖衣服的时候，只在腋下擦脱毛膏，其他地方没有特别留心。嘴巴周围过去一月剃一次，不过，那与其是因为胡子浓，不如说是为了化妆的方便，因为汗毛会使化妆不均，变得花花斑班。过去从来没有担心过剃了胡子会长更浓。还是从摘除子宫开始的……冬子再次对着镜子，从各个方位看着。 虽然现在似乎还没有什么问题，可是不知道这是否确实是在手术后长的。想问，又谁也不能问，书上也没写这种事。没办法，还是问院长吧。 提心吊胆地过了十天。院长曾说出院20天后去医院，冬子提前三天赶到明治诊所。出院的时候，院长说即使没有特别的异常，为了小心起见，也要检查一下。 “怎么样？”院长用他那柔和的声音问。 “多亏了您。已经和平常一样工作了。” “疼痛、白带也没有吧。” "Ok." "Well, check it out." 冬子又上了检查台，住院时没有感觉到的羞耻感重新复苏。 医生冰冷的手触到下腹的瞬间，冬子的腿突然收缩了一下，因为腿是固定在腿架上，并不能活动，所以只是肌肉反射地动了一下。冬子的呼吸紧缩起来。 最初被看到阴部而产生的羞耻，使冬子的全身发硬，现在更有一种失去子宫后的耻辱。医生检查那里的时候，是怎么想的呢？冬子只这么一想，就感到浑身发紧。 “好了。”医生的声音象在例行公务。 冬子从检查台上下来，整好衣服，重新坐到医生的面前。 “伤口很好，白带也没有，不用担心。” 医生一边说着，一边在病历上横着胡乱填写了几行字。 “已经完全没有异常，只要没有特别的变化，也可以不来医院，药也不需要再吃了。” “谢谢。”冬子低下了头，刚站起来，又再次坐在椅子上，“对不起，有点事，想问一下。”冬子垂下眼睛，“手术，会使汗毛变浓吗？” “是说毛？哪里的毛？” “这周围的……”冬子用手指了指嘴巴。 “是唇髭变浓了吗？” "I do not quite understand." 院长向前伸着身子，重新看了一下冬子的嘴巴。 “不是没有什么吗？” "yes?" “听说有人变浓了吗？” "No……" “那么，总觉得……” 冬子又看了一眼院长。医生重新看着冬子说：“没听说过摘除子宫会长胡子这样的事，最重要的是你一点也没有长胡子。” 冬子听了也没改变自己的想法。本来只是早晨照镜子，无意中那样想的，并不是说有确实的证据。 “你是过于担心了。” "yes?" “我想以前也说过了，子宫仅仅是个子袋，它的作用，只是在怀孕的时候保护着小孩，其他时间并不起什么作用。” “可是，月经……” “月经只是由于子宫粘膜肥厚脱落。”经医生这么一说，一切在医学上都很简单。 冬子又鼓气勇气说：“也许不太合适，不会因摘除子宫而导致荷尔蒙失调，变成象男人一样吧？” “不会的。”院长笑了起来，“你也许听说过，女性荷尔蒙的中枢是大脑里的脑垂体和卵巢，就是这里产生所说的女性荷尔蒙，失去任何一个都是不行的。子宫正如刚才说的那样，只是个子袋，并不分泌荷尔蒙。” "..." “女人好象很担心没有月经。在卵巢中，有卵细胞荷尔蒙的优势时期和黄体荷尔蒙的优势时期并没怎么受到破坏，只要有卵巢，女性荷尔蒙就会如期地产生。” 这些事情，冬子通过读书也大概知道一些，医生说的的确不错，但只是这样的说明，还有无法解释的地方。 “要有信心，即便子宫没了，女人还是女人。”院长象在鼓励她，“外行人总在先注意外表，一旦没有月经，不能生孩子，就马上认定不是女人，尽管隐藏在里边的卵巢、脑垂体要重要得多，但还是只注意子宫。实际上正因为子宫不是那么重要，才通过手术摘掉了。请放心，不会因为这样的事胡子变浓。” 经院长这样说冬子也稍微平静下来。不管怎么说，胡子变浓，好象只是冬子的多疑。 然而，现实中毕竟真的没有月经，尽管月经延长，肚子也很痛，有时不得不去医院，但总是在28日到29日的间隔就来了，所以一到月末，乳涨、腰酸就知道要来了。随之就是郁闷而无精打彩的时期。这对冬子来说的确这是一个不舒畅的时期。现在再也没有这样的忧虑了。尽管冬子很清楚，摘除了子宫月经已经没有了，但仍有一种期待着月经来临的心情。看着日历就会不自觉地想，就要来了吧。已经没有必要为月经而改变旅行、与人会见的计划，无论何时，只要高兴的时候，哪里都可以去。恐怕男人那么轻松，就是与没有月经有关吧。对于计划、行动没有值得犹豫的地方，能够为所欲为地、毫无顾忌地行动。如果过去没有月经的话多好，可以每一天都很痛快地生活。 然而，现实中真的没有了月经，冬子却感到一种有气无力的空虚感。不自觉地等待月经的心情，总是落空，有时候竞期待着曾经那么讨厌的月经。 真奇怪啊…… 这种空落的心情，即使告诉别人，别人也无法理解。可是，冬子现在却确实为没有月经而不知所措。也许不久会习惯，视没有为自然，但现在还没有熟悉新生活的旋律，心情、身体还都没有适应，感到困惑犹豫。 失去子宫，产生了没有预料到的影响，这种影响，似乎正向各个方向扩展开来。