Chapter 8 Chapter VII
Now I am a woman without a husband, not even a widow.
What happened to John?It's really elusive, like not understanding how Judith fell down the stairs back then.
I try to stay as calm as possible.I told Calane that his father had gone away and it would be a while before he came back.He didn't say anything, and I don't think he was very attached to John.I think there are only two possibilities for my future: Either John comes back, or I live alone from now on.
No one is talking about the mine now, and I think they'll bring it up again after a while.It's just that now they see that I am exhausted by John's disappearance, so they don't mention it.
As always, I always go to see my grandmother when things go wrong.She spends almost every day in bed now, and it makes me sad to see her getting weaker and weaker.She made me sit on the edge of the bed and looked at me seriously.
"So your husband has deserted you," she said.
"I don't know, Granny, maybe he'll come back."
"Do you want him back, dear."
I never lie in front of her, so I just keep silent.
"You're wondering what to do next, aren't you? What if he doesn't come back, are you?"
I nod.
"And what about the priest's daughter?"
"She always thinks more than I do."
Grandma sighed and said, "At this time, if Justin doesn't come back, he won't come back in this life."
"Nobody knows."
She took my hand and asked again: "Do you want your husband to come back?"
She was expecting me to give her a positive answer, with an anxious look on her face.
"I don't know?" I said.
"Clenza," she said, "do you remember..."
Her voice became weaker, but her grip on my hand was still strong.
I felt that what she had to say next was very important.
"What? Granny?"
"I've been thinking about..." she said after a moment's pause, "Do you remember that time when we were dressed as Spanish and I helped you with your hair and put in a Spanish comb." She leaned back on the pillow, eyes bright A look of intoxication.
"Remember, Grandma, I've always kept that comb."
"If only Pedro could see his granddaughter," she said to herself.But I don't think that's what she really wanted to say.
Melora and I sat in the living room. It was as if we were back in those days when we lived in the Vicarage, and this mutual feeling made us feel very close to each other. "This is only temporary, Melora, life is about to change again," I said. She stopped her needlework and nodded. She was sewing a shirt for Calaine at the moment, and whenever she was sewing, she always looked very peaceful and motherly. "No news on John yet," I said. "When do you think they'll find out before giving up?" "I don't know. I think eventually they'll put him on the missing persons list." "What do you think will happen to him, Melora." She was silent. "A lot of people didn't like him in St. Langston," I said. "Do you remember how angry he was when he was stoned the other day. People here would have He killed it. Their life was so hard, they knew I was willing to mine." "You...Kronsa." "I shall be the head of the family at St. Langston Abbas at once, unless..." "Abbas belongs to Justin, Kerenza; it always should have been." "But, Justin never came back, John was running the business during his absence, and if he never comes back..." "I don't think he will come back. I didn't tell you before, but he has made up his mind now. He said that he will live in Italy and engage in religious work for the rest of his life." "Really?" I really couldn't hide the joy in my heart, I don't know if she saw it.Justin will become a monk and never marry! It dawned on me that all these years Melora has been like Penelope, Odysseus' faithful wife.I looked at Melora and said, "What about you, Melora, you love him so much, do you still love him now?" She was silent for a while and said: "You're too practical, Clenza, and you never understand me. You think I'm a fool." "Then you should take the initiative to let me understand you. Your happiness is very important to me, Melora." "I know that," she said with a smile. "Sometimes I mention Justin's name and you get mad, and I know it's because you think I'm too miserable. Justin has always been on my mind." Hero, I have a kind of admiration for him since I was a child. Think about it, he is the owner of such a large manor, I like you, I especially like Abbas. Justin has always been so perfect in my mind. I was the biggest when I was a child My wish is that someday he will notice me. In my imagination, he is a prince in a fairy tale, who meets the woodcutter's daughter and turns her into a queen. My head is full of fantasies. Do you understand?" I nodded: "I thought you would be sad for the rest of your life after he left." "I thought so too. But my love with him was idyllic. If he had been free to choose, we would have married and lived happily ever after, and I would have been his docile wife and he would have A polite, tender and kind husband, but our relationship is idealized, lifeless and unrealistic. You have shown me that." "Me? How come?" "Your love for Karaline, you made me understand how feeble my own love is. When you saw Karain showing attachment to me, you were so jealous. The feeling in your heart is a force that repels everything, so excited People. Just think, if you loved Justin, would you face everything like I did? Would you let him say goodbye? Would you let him go? No, you'd go away with him, or would you fight Fight, let the two of you live here together. That's love. But you never loved John like that. And you loved your brother very much; you loved your grandmother very much. Now, all your love is On Carleen. One day in the future, you will fall in love with a man desperately, and that is the most perfect meaning of life. I believe that I will do the same in the future. We are both young, but it is too late for me to mature and understand. Now that I'm grown up, Kerentha, neither of us has found meaning in life. Do you know what I mean? But we'll find happiness in the future." "How can you be sure?" "Because we both grew up together, Clentha, and we were meant for each other." "Melora, you seem to be very good at preaching today!" "That's because we're all now freed from the past, as if to start a new life. John's dead, Clentha, I'm sure. I believe what you say is true. It wasn't just one man who killed him , but several, for he interfered with the happiness of many families. You are free, Cronsa. St. Langston set you free. To the cause of religion. I will no longer sit here sewing and wait for him, nor look forward to his letters, nor be inexplicably excited at the sound of someone coming. My mind is as calm as water now. I have become A real woman, as if freed again. And you too, Clentha, you did not lie to me. You married John mainly for the house, for the place he could give you, as St. Langston's One. You paid what you paid and got what you asked for. You and I will start a new life.” I looked at her and thought: She's right.I don't have to feel guilty anymore, I don't have to be afraid the next time I see a toy elephant, and the flaws on the toy are no longer a pain in my heart.I saved Abbas for Karleon, but I didn't necessarily hurt Melora.From now on, I won't feel guilty. Impulsive, she wished she could step forward and hug Melora.She smiled at me, and I kissed her forehead. "You're right, we're free men," I said. Over the next few weeks, I discovered a few things. The Lawyer of the Langstons came to see me, and he brought the dismal news that for several years the Langstons had been in decline, and in many respects had been trying to economize as much as possible. When Judith married, the situation improved, but because her dowry was sent every year after marriage, now that she is dead, there is no more. After John became addicted to gambling, he was able to maintain his life only by abstaining from daily expenses.If only Judith were alive now! John mortgaged a lot of property in order to pay off his gambling debts.In a few months, it will get worse as taxes rise.It seems that the only way to survive is to sell Abbas. The situation we are facing now seems to be a repetition of the tragedy of the past.At that time, thanks to the discovery of tin, the family was able to be brought back to life. Be sure to figure it out in the next few months. But what can be done? The family lawyer looked at me sympathetically, he understood my situation; the husband had disappeared, he had lost all the estate, and I was left to wrestle with my son's rights.Justin needed only a little money to support him at the Abbey, and he had renounced all obligations and rights here. "I think, Mrs. St. Langston," he said, "that you'd better move to the Hall of Talents now, and you'll save a lot of money." "What about Abbas's house?" "Rent it to someone else, of course, this may not necessarily solve the problem, maybe we have to sell it..." "Sell Abbas Manor! The St. Langstons have lived here for generations." He shrugged his shoulders and said: "Many luxury houses like this are changing owners now." "But my son..." "Oh, he's so young, and he hasn't lived here long," he said, seeing how sad I was, "maybe he doesn't have to do that." "And that mine," I said, "it saved Abbas once, and it might save us again."
I want Saul Candy to come see me.I don't understand how their enthusiastic mining enthusiasm at that time has become silent now?I made up my mind to do it.The first thing is to confirm as soon as possible whether there is tin in the ground. I stood in front of the study window and waited for Sol's arrival, while looking at the cemetery and stone statues in the distance.If mining is really started, it will no longer be such a peaceful scenery; the miners are running around with shovels, and there is a lot of noise.And the roar of machines.I don't know much about mining, except that my grandmother told me about a man named Richard Trevithick who invented a high-pressure hoist to dig out the ore and then crush it. What a picture it will be: Miners and noisy voices are everywhere beside the quiet Maiden Stone.It's nothing, haven't you opened a mine before?Modern technology only minimizes damage to the environment. Tin is money, and money will save Abbas. I was getting a little impatient, when Haggerty came in and told Saul Candy to wait outside. "Bring him in quickly," I said. He came in, hat in one hand, but he didn't seem to be able to meet my eyes. "Sit down, please," I said, "I suppose you know why I've asked you here?" "Yes, ma'am." "You know, my husband's whereabouts are still unknown, and Justin is far away from home, so he can't take care of the affairs here. After you brought your delegation here a few days ago, I tried my best to persuade John. Now, I officially inform you to find out whether there is any tin under the mine. If there is, then there will be jobs for many people in St. Langston." Saul Candy twirled the hat in his hand and kept his eyes on the tip of his toes. "Ma'am," he said, "it's useless. The St. Langston Mine is a dead mine. There's nothing underground, which means you can't provide a way of life for people here." I was speechless.My original plan to save Abbas was crushed by this stammering giant in front of me. "Nonsense!" I yelled. "How do you know?" "Ma'am, we have already conducted a survey, before Mr. John ... disappeared." "yes?" "Yes, because we are still counting on mining to make a living, so we went to the mine late at night to investigate and confirmed that there is no tin under the mine." "I do not believe." "But it is true, ma'am." "You went down to do the investigation alone?" "Yes, because it's too dangerous to go down the well, and I'm their leader." "But, I, I need expert advice." "It costs a lot of money. We miners are absolutely right based on experience, please believe me." "No wonder you have been silent recently." "Yes, we're going to St. Agnes right away. There's work there. The best tin in Cornwall. We're leaving this weekend, wife and children." "I understand, then there is no need to say anything!" He looked at me, and I thought his eyes were like those of a long-haired dog.He seemed to be saying sorry to me, because he also knew very well that Abbas was in financial trouble and I wanted to open tin mines very much.Now it was Hagarty, Mrs. Lolt, and the servants who had to worry about their livelihood. "I'm sorry, ma'am." "I wish you luck in St. Agnes," I said, "and good luck to all of you." "Thank you, ma'am." After he left, it dawned on me. What I saw in my room that night were miners surveying the ground for Wuxi, and the results turned out to be disappointing.John hadn't disappeared then. Why did they kill him when they knew there was no more tin in the mine?for what? It can only mean that it was not the miners who killed John, so who could it be?Is John still alive?
Melora and I discuss our future.She was the relaxed and happy Melora again, as if she had broken Justin's spell. In the past, because she admired Justin too much, she became tame and timid, like a sheep.Now, she's back to her true self. "You see yourself as a benevolent God who rules over us," she said. "In your eyes, we are all little emperors under your rule, and when you see that we are incompetent, you want to rule for us." "You are talking nonsense." "If you think about it you'll see what I'm saying makes sense. You're trying to arrange Joe's life... John's life... Carlain's life." I couldn't help but blame myself: maybe there is you, Melora, and I also want to dominate your life, but you don't know it. I really should tell her the truth one day in the future, otherwise, I will never have peace in my heart. I decided that we would all move to Tianzi Hall.Hagarty and Soult, mother and daughter, had gone to work elsewhere.Tom Pengast finally asked for a Dole.Only Daisy followed us.Abbas' estate is temporarily managed by lawyers.Poirot and Terrylance still lived in the original mud hut and did their work; Mrs. Lolter was still working as a housekeeper for Abbas, and Flowery Terrylance came to help occasionally. In order for Karaine to have a means of earning a living as an adult, I think Abbas's house needs to be redecorated in the future.The only thing that can be done now is this. I visit Abbas every day to make sure that everything here is still the same. Living in the Talent Hall, Karlein is quite satisfied.Melora and I tutored him at the same time.Although he is not very bright and occasionally looks out of the window, he is very obedient.Every Saturday he followed Joe to see him, and it was a holiday to him. We could have had two tenants.But one thinks that the Abbas Manor is too big, and the other thinks that the feng shui of the manor is not good, and it is shrouded in a mysterious atmosphere.It seems that no one will rent it, so we have to move back to live. I always thought that if there were any major changes in life, life would always predict something to me in advance.But in fact, many things happened so suddenly. That morning, I got up a little late because I fell asleep very late the night before.When I got dressed and went downstairs to breakfast, I found a letter.The letter was from our agent, informing us that a tenant would come at three o'clock in the afternoon to discuss the house. At breakfast, I told Melora about this. “I don’t know what’s going to happen this time,” she said. “I sometimes think there’s no way we can rent out the house.” At three o'clock in the afternoon, I went to Abbas; thinking that perhaps in the future I would never be able to come and go from the house as freely as I do now.But maybe we can develop a good neighborly relationship with our new tenants?Then we can socialize, invite them to dinner, and they invite us.What is it like to dine as a guest at Abbas?It must be like when I went to the prom. Mrs. Rolt was displeased when she learned of a tenant's visit. She missed the good old days and the sight of the servants chatting together at the dinner table. Whenever I saw her, she always said, "I don't understand what's wrong with us, my God, Abbas has become so quiet and sad, I never dreamed of it." I know very well that she is bored, and I most hope that the tenants who come can be followed by her secretly and have a discussion. Just after three o'clock there was a loud knock at the door. I sat in the study and left Mrs. Rolt to open the door and let the guests in.I feel very depressed and really don't want others to live in Abbas, but I know there is nothing I can do. There was a knock at the door, and Mrs. Rolt appeared at the door, surprised; then I heard another voice; Mrs. Rolt retreated; and for a moment I felt as if I were in a dream— A recurring dream over the years: Kim walked over to me.
As far as I can remember, these were the happiest days of my life beyond words.I just remember him hugging me, cheek to cheek, and his laughter ringing around me. "I told them not to say my name. I want to give you a surprise." Mrs. Rolt was still standing at the door and said to herself, "My God!" I couldn't help sighing from my heart: My God... my God!All this is really incredible! He hasn't changed much, and when I told him that, he said, "But you've changed a lot. As I told you, you've become an elegant and charming lady, and now you're still really charming and beautiful." .” How shall I put it?He's still the same guy: jovial, joking, and suave.He's brilliant, but never hurts, and I think that's what sets him apart.He never laughed at others, but often had fun with others.He always makes people feel that you are important, and he is also important to you.Maybe because he helped me carry Joe home that day, I fell in love with him, and he has a bit of beautiful ideal color in my mind.Now he's back, standing in front of me, and my consciousness wakes up: I love him. He told me that his father had passed away.After finishing their career at sea, they settled in Australia, bought a ranch at a cheap price, and made a living from sheep and cattle.Later he realized that he had enough money and returned to England with his bags.After hearing his success story, I had a lot of imagination. He held my hand and looked at me seriously. "Are you married, Cronza?" I told the story of John's disappearance, of Justin's departure after Judith's death, and of how we had fallen so badly that Abbas had to be rented out. "What a change! And I don't know it." He sighed. "Then you must still be thinking about us, or you wouldn't have come back." "I think of you all the time. I've often wondered what happened to home? I'll go back and see... Then I learned that Clentha married John; Melora... Melora, like me, Still unmarried. I must go and see Melora, and your son; Crentha has a son, and you call him Carline! Oh, I remember the name Carline, Miss Calline! Oh, Cronza , all this is really like a dream.” I took him to the Hall of Talents.Melora and Carleen just came back from a walk.When she saw Jin, Melora stared as if she had seen some kind of hallucination, and then she laughed out of joy, and threw herself into his arms with a laugh. I look at them both.They asked each other questions, like old friends.But my possessive desire for love has made me feel that he will make me sad even if he leaves me.
I feel that grandma's days in this world are numbered, so I visit her almost every day.I always sit by her bed and accompany her to recall the past days.She often gets caught up in memories, and sometimes appears peaceful and quiet. One day she said to me, "Krentha, you are so beautiful now, like a woman in love." I couldn't help but blush, I dare not confess my love for Kim to her.I was still uncertain; I longed to forget my past, longed for a new life, a new emotional life. I am tormented by a complex emotion every day, my love for Jin grows day by day, I want to marry him, but I still don't know whether my husband is dead or alive, how is it possible? Grandma would love to talk to me about Kim. "Honey, Kim is back. I'll never forget the way he carried Joe behind his back. He was our friend." "Yeah, we were terrified at the beginning, but we later realized that there was no need for it." "He's such a nice guy, and he told Polente later that Joe got the job he has now, and I'm grateful to him." "Me too, Granny." "I can see that, but what else do you think of him? My granddaughter?" I said nothing, and she went on: "There has never been any obstacle between us, and there never will be. I hope to see you in a happy marriage, Clenza. You haven't." "Marry Kim?" I whispered to her. "Yes, you are suitable for a man like him." "I think so too, Granny, but I'm afraid I'll never know whether I have the right to marry him." She closed her eyes to rest, I thought she was falling into memory again, and would ignore me for a while, but she suddenly said: "Kronsa, I swallowed my words several times, I want to tell you, my life Not much more, child." "Don't say that, grandma, I can't bear it." "Oh, my boy, you have been a great comfort to me over the years, and I will always remember the day you brought Joe to find your grandma. From then on, I have a happy life again. Karen Sha, marrying the one you love is the real happiness in life, and having children for the one you love is the meaning of life. The happiness of love is not escaping your humble origins and owning a luxurious residence. I hope you too To have the life experience I have. If my feelings are right, you are now a free man, and the aura of happiness is surrounding you." "Grandma, are you sure John is dead?" "I didn't see him die, but I don't think he exists anymore." I approached her, trying to determine if she was talking in her sleep, or if she was just talking nonsense about the past. She seemed to see my doubts, and she smiled softly and said, "No, I'm sober, Kronsa. Now I'll tell you everything, I didn't say it before because I thought it was better to keep it from you." .Do you remember the night when Judith had a fit and you came to my little mud hut and we found out someone was eavesdropping on it?" "I remember, Granny." "It was Hetty Pengast, who wanted to see me but was afraid of being seen. She was five months pregnant at the time, and she said she was too afraid to tell her father that she Father will tell Saul Candy because that baby is definitely not Saul's, poor baby, she is so freaked out. She tries to cover it up and she regrets knowing Saul is the one who really loves her A spur of the moment with that man." I asked, "Is her baby John's?" Grandma went on, "I told her, 'Tell me who the father is?' She wouldn't tell, kept it secret, the man must have told her not to. She said he'd take care of it He could only think of a way. She said she was going to meet him the next night and she believed he would marry her, but I told her it was a dream and she went away. She was afraid of her strict father and Sol, afraid that her father will tell Sol that Sol is definitely not the kind of person to swallow his anger..." "Did she tell you John did it?" "No, she didn't. But I think so. I know John was after you, and I wondered if he really loved you that much. So I asked her if you dated like this, and you weren't afraid of your father or Did Saul see it? She said she was not afraid, and said that she often met with him on the grass, beside the Maiden Stone. After dark, many people were afraid to go there, so it was safe. I was very worried when I heard that. I'm afraid to know that the man is John, I'm thinking of you." "It must be John, Granny, it must be him, I know he's been trying to have her." "I was always worried that day, and I said to myself, Cronza will solve the problem by herself, and it turned out to be the same. I remembered the situation when I had a relationship with the old knight and had to cheat Pedro at the same time. .Thinking of Pedro, I combed my hair and sat by the window, what would I do if the baby belonged to John? First I had to find out who the father was, so I went over there on the grass Wait, I hid behind one of the biggest rocks and saw them coming. The night moon was thin and the stars were thin, and I could see them clearly. Hetty was crying, and he was comforting her, because I couldn't hear clearly because it was far away from the rock What did they say; perhaps she was afraid that she would turn to stone, as in the legend. They were standing near the mine shaft, and she seemed to be threatening to jump down if he didn't want her, but I knew she was just saying That's it! But he was freaked out, and I guess he talked her out of St. Langston. I crept up to them to hear what they were saying, and she said, 'I'm going to die, John, I'm going to jump from here Go down,' he said, 'don't be a fool, don't do this, don't play tricks on me, go and tell your father, and tell him, I'll marry you right away!' She seemed really angry, and she stood There was no sound at the edge of the mine, and I really wanted to say to the man: 'Let her go, she won't jump!' But he was terrified and grabbed her arm... I heard her screaming Shout out, then... fall, and see him standing there by himself." "Grandma, he killed her!" "I'm not sure because I didn't see it... but if I did, I'm not sure. It happened so quickly, a moment ago she was standing there, a moment later, she fell down. " A chain of events flashed through my mind: his strange behavior, his desire to escape, his terror at the very mention of mining.I stared at Grandma and understood the next story, that John came to me and asked me to marry him. Grandma went on: "He stood there, motionless, as if he had been turned to stone, and then, in the moonlight, he saw me standing there with my Spanish hair done, and he said, 'Clenza,' he The voice was as light as a gossamer. He looked back down the mine and looked around again. I hurried back and ran, and when I ran to the Maiden Stone, I heard him shouting: 'Cronza, Cronza, Come here quickly.'" "Grandma," I said, "he thought I, standing there, saw what he did." She nodded. "I went back to the house and stayed up all night, thinking what should I do? Early the next morning, Melora brought me a letter from you. I learned that you and John eloped to Plymouth and were going to get married." "I see," I said unhurriedly. "He asked me to marry him without saying a word. I thought he couldn't live without me. Now it looks like a terrible marriage." !" "He did it to protect himself from being charged with murder, and you did it to get the house. You paid a lot for your ideals." After hearing all this, I was completely numb.The meaning of my life has changed.Fate played a trick on me once, and that Hetty Pengast, whom I always despised, played a very important role in my story; John didn't want me for mad love, but to block me Q. "Why didn't you tell me earlier, Grandma," I really blamed her. "After you got married, what's the point of me telling you this. Then you became a mother, and I don't think I'll ever tell you again in this life." I feel a chill. "It's horrible, John thought I'd agree to keep my mouth shut for the sake of the marriage I wanted. If I had known the truth, I would never have married him." "Not even at the price of owning Langston?" We looked into each other's eyes, and I had to admit my true thoughts: "At the beginning, as long as I could become a member of the Langston family, I would do anything." "This is a lesson that life has taught you, my granddaughter. Maybe you have learned something; maybe you have learned that happiness is not in the form of the home, but in the feeling of the heart. If you still feel that you have paid The cost is not great, so you can still start over now." "is it possible?" She nodded and said, "Listen, John doesn't want to mine, and Saul Candy is determined to. Sol wanted to see if there was any untapped tin, and he went down the mine, but he found Hetty's body. He understood why she was there, and he knew that John was responsible for it. He had heard a lot of gossip; later, Hetty disappeared, but he married you. Everything will bring out the truth." I gasped and asked, "So, you think Saul killed John after he found Hetty down the well?" "I can't say it for sure, but Thor never mentioned looking for Hetty, and since I know the truth, why didn't he say he found Hetty's body down the well? vengeance, plus he thought blood debts to be paid in blood. It was John who deprived the workers of their means of livelihood, and took his bride. He did not believe the law to be just, and he used to say that the laws of the rich were not the same as those of the poor. , Therefore, he adopted his own legal means, he waited for John to come out of the casino, and killed him on the way. The best place to dispose of the body is to throw him under the mine, and let him be with Hetty! Then he left here...to St. Agnes...far from St. Langston." "It's a terrible story, Granny." "I thought from the beginning that you would learn the first lesson from your own life, and it was useless to say anything, Clenza, love him, as I loved my Pedro, and lived for him. Child... Don't care whether you live with him in a high-rise building or a thatched hut. Happiness does not belong to those who care about material gains and losses. If you can do this, I can leave in peace. I have seen you The love in your eyes, Crentha, before I saw you loved me, Joe, and Carlain, and now you love a man. To love a man, my dear, means you have a lot to give him. Joe Fighting for his wife after marriage, Carleen will also dedicate himself to the one he loves, and I can't be with you forever, so if there is such a man who can make you give wholeheartedly, then I am really happy for you... ..." "Don't talk about death, Granny, don't talk like that, I can't do without you." "It sounds very touching, my dear child, but it is impossible, you can do without me, because you will have someone you love around you, and in love, you will become wise and mature. Your The name contains the meaning of peace and love, and it also means a happy life. You have grown up, girl, you will not pursue what you don't want, go for love and happiness... It's time to forget the past You are not who you used to be today. Never grieve over the past, remember this, and don't say your past is a tragedy, your past is your life experience, because without your past, there is no Without you now, you will cherish life even more after going through hardships." "However, John's whereabouts are still unknown..." "Then start the mine, boy, he's down there, and I'm absolutely sure he's there, as is Hetty, and of course it's going to cause a new scandal, but it's better than being a widow all your life." "I'll listen to you, grandma," I just said, a chill flashed in my heart, "I can't do that, I have to think about Carleen." "What does this have to do with Carleen?" "Why don't you understand? People will say his father was a murderer." Grandma was silent for a while and then said: "You are right, it will cast a shadow on his heart, but what do you do? My dear, you spend your life alone without knowing why?" It seemed to me that I had to choose between Kim and Calaine; but I understood Calaine's soft and sensitive nature, and he couldn't bear to be called the son of a murderer. Granny went on unhurriedly: "There's a way, Clentha, I've thought of it. People don't know when Hetty died. They'll find her when they go down the well... and John's."尸体。我相信是索尔杀了约翰，索尔已远走他乡。再过一段时间，你就开矿。到现在还有人常来问我赫蒂究竟在哪儿，下次我就说赫蒂回来了，有人看到了……当场抓获；索尔知道这矿已是废矿，就把他俩杀了，一起扔下去” 我看着她，简直不敢相信自己的眼睛：你安排自己的生活，这也是她的信念，难道不是这样的吗？ 她现在的身体看上去比前一阵子要好，看样子她还会有很多日子能陪伴我。 我是多么地爱戴她！又是多么地依赖着她！只要我与她在一起，我就觉得生活中没什么不可能实现的梦。 “外婆，”我说，“我不相信约翰杀了赫蒂，也许是个意外？” “也许是这样。”她这样说的目的是为了安慰我，卡莱恩的父亲不能是个杀人犯。不能让别人这样怀疑他。 我俩彷佛又回到了从前，互相支持。我的眼前豁然明亮，我已是自由人，卡莱恩的父亲也不是杀人犯。
我们在等待中过了一个月，这期间我去了一趟圣·艾格尼斯，想摸清楚索尔·坎迪的真实情况。他不在那儿；他确实去过那儿，但只待了几天，大伙儿都说索尔带着他的家人永远地离开了故土，但谁也不知道他们去了哪儿？ 这对我来说是好消息，我赶紧回来告诉了外婆。 “那就别再拖延时间，”她说，“再等下去对你不利，我也经不起等待，我希望尽早看到你把这件事了决。”
我把自己关在房间里。那些探矿专家们一上午都在忙碌。他们说下矿之前先要做好安全工作；这么长时间废弃的矿井也许会潜伏着危险：比如说洪水、泥土坍塌以及别的不测。要准确地勘测这个矿是否还有经济效益得先花去一大笔钱。 金骑马来到了天资殿。我很庆幸梅洛拉已带着卡莱恩出去玩了。戴西上来通知我他在楼下等我，我说我马上下来见他。我照照镜子，仍然年轻，许多人都说已是丰姿绰约年龄的我穿着淡紫色的晨衣，领子和袖口上镶满花边，看上去十分清雅动人。外婆说得对：恋爱使人美丽。我的发型是高高的华贵式，发泽乌黑光亮，眼睛也很有神，下楼去见金的时候，我的感觉很好。我心里揣度着，也许今天，世界将证明我是个自由的女人。 我一推开客厅的门，就看到他站在壁炉边，两腿分开，双手插在口袋里，嘴角露出温柔的笑容；我十分自信，这一切都是为了我。 他朝我走来，握住我的双手，眼睛里洋溢着欢愉的神情。 “克伦莎。”他叫我名字时都是笑容满面。 “你来看我，真让我高兴。” 他斜着眼问我：“你心情很愉快？” “当然，是你让我感到高兴。” “我很高兴能使你愉快。” 他笑着把我拉到窗前。 “他们今天在草场那儿忙得很。” “是的，他们在干活。” “其结果对你来说很重要，克伦莎。” 我不由得脸红了，担心他看出其中的真实原因。这么多年以后，我发觉他的眼睛变得很敏锐，彷佛能看透人；我觉得他的眼睛很迷人但又有点害怕。 “那是因为我们又能重新开挖锡。”我说。 我吩咐戴西拿些酒和一些上等的饼干——专为来阿巴斯的贵客准备的那种，是我从阿巴斯带到天资殿的。 我俩坐在小桌旁，慢慢地呷着酒。他向房间环视一下后说：“这房间比我原先住的时候还要暖和。这是一种很奇怪的感觉，克伦莎，这儿曾是我住的地方，但现在却是你的家，陌生的家，陌生的人，陌生的气氛……” “当年你住在这儿时，我由衷地羡慕你。” “我知道，你的脸上常有那种表情，克伦莎，你的脸常能向人展示你的心，你从来藏不住心中的秘密。” “这太吃惊了，我希望我现在有所改进。” “你是多么的骄傲、目中无人，我从没见过第二个像你这样的人。” “我是个容易生气的孩子，那时是这样。” “可怜的克伦莎，”他笑了，“我记得你站在墙洞里的样子……那堵破墙，第七位处女的葬身之地。你还记得当时我们听了那故事有多害怕吗？” “记得，所以我才想要去看的。” “我们都去了，全在那儿碰在一起了。” 回忆又出现在眼前：我、梅洛拉、贾斯廷、约翰，还有金。 “当初我们那么取笑你，让你很生气；你往回跑的时候还回头朝我们吐出舌头。我记得很清楚。” “我希望你的记忆中还有些更美好的回忆！” “还有舞会上的卡莱恩小姐，你穿着红丝绒礼服，漂亮极了！还有在林子里的那一夜……你瞧，克伦莎，我记得那么清楚。你和梅洛拉在舞会上的形象！是梅洛拉把你带来参加舞会的，但女主人根本不知道你是谁！”他放声笑笑又说：“那次我也玩得很开心，本来我一直是讨厌舞会的，但那次舞会……我永远忘不了一提起梅洛拉为你争取参加舞会做的努力，我就想笑……” “我们一向像亲姊妹似的。” “我很高兴你们这样友好，”他两眼盯着手中的酒杯；我心中在想：我现在真想知道自己是不是自由了，要是他得知我是自由的，他就会向我表白他对我的感情。 他还想回忆我们的过去，想让我说说我怎么去劳务市场，梅洛拉又是怎么发现我并雇了我的。我又向他讲了查尔斯牧师去世时我们是多么的悲伤，而且那时我们俩真是到了穷困潦倒的地步。 “我和梅洛拉谁都离不开谁，于是我们一起来到了圣·朗斯顿家，我做朱迪思的佣人，她做老夫人的奴仆。” “可怜的梅洛拉！” “我们俩都历经苦难。” “但你至少能照顾好自己。” 我们相视而笑。 接下去轮到他讲他的生活。他还谈到了他在天资殿的孤独生活。他很爱他的父亲，但由于他父亲长期在海上漂泊，所以，实际上，他常和佣人们一起生活。 “克伦莎，我总觉得自己没有家。” “你很想有个家？” “小的时候没有意识到，但后来就很想，谁不希望有个家呢？佣人们待我很好……但那种感觉不一样。我那时候经常去阿巴斯，我喜欢那里。我知道你也很想去，也许与我的感觉一样。也许是因为传说中的故事给了我们一种格外的向往。那时我常对自己说，我长大一定要赚很多的钱，然后就住进阿巴斯。这不仅仅是为了拥有这样的房子，而是为了圆一个梦，我想成为一个大家族里的成员。你瞧，我是个孤独的男人，克伦莎，我一向都是那么孤独，一直渴望有个热闹的大家庭……子子孙孙，繁衍不绝。” “你的意思是想结婚，生孩子，做个一家之主，旁边围着一大群孩子？” 说着连我自己都笑了，难道我不是在诉说我自己的梦想吗？我不也是常常幻想自己是位老态龙钟的老太太，掌管着阿巴斯的家务，与金一起生活，一起度过晚年。我们俩慈祥地看着我的儿孙们欢快地嬉乐。但我现在却又不由得回首往事，即痛苦的往事。 “这一切也不完全是件不好的事。”他彷佛在安慰我。 接着他又讲述了他身处异乡的孤独，怎样向往有个家，“克伦莎，就是这样，家真实地就在阿巴斯，与熟悉的人朝夕相处。” 我很理解他，心想他的梦也是我的梦。 梅洛拉和卡莱恩回来了，卡莱恩一路上又是笑又是喊。 我和金一起走到窗前看他们走进房子；金的嘴边露出一丝微笑，我相信，他一定羡慕我有个儿子。
接近傍晚时分，金骑着马又来到了天资殿。他来的时候，脸上有种困惑的表情。那时，我正坐在厅里。 “克伦莎。”他走到我跟前，握着我的手，直视我的眼睛。 “什么事？金？” “有坏消息，你快跟我到书房里坐下。” “快告诉我，金，我受得了的。” “梅洛拉在哪儿？” “别管她，快讲。” “克伦莎……”他抱着我，我就依靠着他，把自己看成弱不禁风的性格人物，十分感激他对我的关怀备至。 “金，你别制造悬念了，快讲啊！” He shook his head. “克伦莎，你会受不了的……” “我一定要知道，金，你难道看不出来……” 他紧紧地抓住我的手说，“他们发现了，在矿底下，他们找到了……” 我抬起眼看着他，希望能看到深藏在心底的一丝得意，但我发现他确实真心真意地在为我担心。 “是约翰，”他说，“他们在井底发现了约翰的尸体。” 我垂下了眼帘，轻声地叫了一下；他把我扶到沙发上，让我靠着他；我心里真想大喊：我自由了！
圣·朗斯顿从来没有过这样轰动的事。矿底下找到了赫蒂和约翰的尸体！人们不由得想起了关于他俩之间的各种传闻，还有人说在普利茅斯看到过他俩在一起。人们还回忆起约翰老早就对她含情脉脉，他常常去普利茅斯；当约翰和我一结婚，赫蒂离开了圣·朗斯顿；人们觉得一定是约翰在结婚后把她安置在普利茅斯的某个地方。 这一切看起来似乎很明白。索尔·坎迪怀疑了赫蒂，然后暗中查寻，抓到她和约翰在一起，然后就进行了报复。索尔此人天生就惹不起，这次，他为自己平息愤怒，并且他知道这个矿已废弃，就把这两个人的尸体一起扔进了矿坑里。 人们认出是赫蒂的尸体，是因为脖子里挂着个小盒子，那是索尔送给她的纪念品；相比之下，约翰的尸体保持得比较完好，人们为此事不解了好一阵子；后来有人解释说，是约翰的尸体掉下来时，碰巧掀倒了些泥土，于是，尸体被埋在了泥土下，于是，人们便点头称是。 警方进行了进一步的调查，他们想审问索尔·坎迪，就去了圣·艾格尼斯查找，但一点行踪也没查到，人们都说他已不在英国；警方也就相信了人们凭空猜测瞎拼在一起的故事。 在追寻索尔的过程中，我感到紧张极了，但随着时间的推移，我越来越相信，他们是找不到他了。 谁也无法知道事实的真相——我和外婆也只能凭推测知道一小部分，我们也不敢肯定是约翰杀死了赫蒂。我觉得约翰有部分责任，但不能说他直接杀了赫蒂，但我们肯定是索尔杀了约翰。是他发现了赫蒂的尸体，他逃跑了这一事实就足以证明他有罪。 勘测的结果证明我们的矿已没有太大的经济效益，但从另一方面讲，这次勘测已给了我最想要的东西。事实证明我已成了寡妇，有自由跟我所爱的男人结婚。
外婆得知结果的这天起，她的身体就变得非常衰弱，彷佛是她看到了想看的结果，准备随时离去。我的心里涌上无限的悲哀；不管我心中有多大的喜悦，但一想到她即将离我而去，我觉得自己的幸福也将随她而去。 我在那儿陪着她。艾茜和乔都把我当我自己家的人。我不想让卡莱恩在病房里，所以就让乔陪着他。 我不会忘记外婆在人世的最后一个下午。 我坐在她床边，满脸是泪——我一般是不轻易流泪的。 “别难过，我亲爱的外孙女，”她说，“我死后别难过，你忘了我，我反而会安息。” “哦，外婆，”我哭着说，“我怎么可能忘了你。” “那就记着我们在一起的快乐时光。” “快乐时光？没有了你，哪有什么快乐？” “你还年轻，不能因为一个老人而郁郁寡欢。我有我的辉煌时光，你也该有你的，你该去追求你的快乐和幸福，克伦莎，将来是你的；你已有了生活的教训，记住它。” “外婆，”我说，“别离开我，我怎么能没有你？” “这不像是我的克伦莎说的话，我的克伦莎总是勇敢地面对未来的。” “那是与你在一起时，不是我一个人奋斗，我们不能分开。” “听着，亲爱的。你已不再需要我，你爱他，也应该是这样。天下无不散的宴席，没有永远双飞的鸟儿，克伦莎，你有自己的一双翅膀，我不为你担心；你已经能够飞得很高，而且你还会飞得更远。你该开始你的新生活，别难过，我亲爱的。我很高兴自己即将离开这儿。别哭，亲爱的，我走了，你要留下来活下去。而且你现在终于有了自由，有个男人在等你，别害怕，跟着他去天涯海角，只要能在一起就好；别为我难过了。” “外婆，我要你留下来，看到我的儿孙们，我不能没你你……因为我感到，没有了你，我的生活会完全不一样。” “哦，以前你初来这儿时是多么骄傲而快乐……后来，你想成为贵妇人，现在，你已成了贵妇人，只是这次你并不想拥有那房子，而是为了爱情——这是最幸福的事。哦，亲爱的我的时间不多了，你还有什么要说的？克伦莎，请解开我的辫子。” “那会让你感到不舒服的，外婆。” “不，松开我的头发，披散在肩膀上。” I did as she said. “我的头发依然很黑吧？我已经很久没护理它。你要好好护理自己的头发，克伦莎，要保持美丽，因为男人喜欢美丽。我那小土屋怎么样了？” “和你住的时候一样。”我说。她住在这儿，但心里一直记挂着自己的小土屋。刚开始时，她仍要偶尔去看看或在那儿做草药，后来她就派艾茜去拿她要的东西，有时也叫我去。 我从不喜欢去那个小土屋，因为从很小的时候起，我就想极力摆脱或忘掉自己低贱的出身；我觉得如果将来我要成为上等人，那么，忘却过去是很重要的。 “亲爱的，你去一趟小土屋，在角落里的盒子里，有两套发饰，梳子和发罩，有一套是给你的，还有张护理头发的秘方，只要你根据药方，制作起来很容易，你瞧，我这么老了，连一根白头发也没有，答应我，你一定会去那儿好吗？” "I promise you." “我还要你保证，不要悲伤，记住我说的话，连树上的叶子也会有枯黄的时候，我现在就像一片枯老的叶子，马上就要随风而去。” 我把头埋在她的枕头上抽泣起来。 她抚摸着我的头发，像安慰一个小孩子。 我感到死亡之神已徘徊在房间里，我们无可奈何。 外婆就在那天夜里溘然长逝。 第二天早晨我去看她时，发现她躺在那儿，那么安详，梳得十分整齐的头发使她看上去并不老；彷佛是她做完了该做的活儿，安然告别。
外婆去世以后，金和梅洛拉一直陪着我，安慰我。 也就在那些日子里，我更加清楚地感觉到金爱着我；我感到他在等我在渐渐忘掉约翰和外婆后向我表白真情。 我觉得他和梅洛拉俩常在谈论我，商量着怎样把我从最近发生的一连串的事件中解脱出来。所以，现在金常在我这儿，我也常去他那儿，我们几乎天天见面。 卡莱恩也很懂事。他常在我身边，而且总那么听话。与他们在一起，我觉得充满了爱。 秋天来了，刮起了西南风，树叶纷纷落下；只有松树依然碧绿，充满生机。树篱上都是蜘蛛网，网上的水珠在晨光里晶莹透亮。 西风过后，大雾弥漫原野。我独自来到了外婆的小土屋里。 我答应过她要去取她送我的梳子和药方。乔说我们最好不要让外婆的小土屋空着，我们应该继续保持原来的整洁样。是应该，这也是我们的一部分财产哪！况且是由外公亲手营建的，更有感情上的价值。 这栋孤独地矗立在灌木丛中的小土屋是我们的骄傲。 我要记住外婆说的，照她说的去做，忘掉过去，幸福地享受现在，尽力向前看。 也许是那天的下午太安静了，也许是命中注定有事要发生，我突然感觉到一阵不安，我觉有人在偷偷地看着我……一双不怀好意的眼睛。 也许是因为我刚才一直沉浸在回忆中，一点没听到由远而近的脚步声；有人跟着我。 “谁在那儿？”我喊了一声。 我凝神谛听，没人答应。 我为自己感到好笑。 也许是由于我内心不太想去小屋的缘故而产生的幻觉吧？ 我加快脚步走进小土屋，关上门；我站在那儿，环视着熟悉的一切，那张我睡过的床！当我带着乔初来这里时，这个小屋曾带给我多少快乐和幸福！ 泪水模糊了我的眼睛，我真不该这么早就来这儿。 我告诫自己要理智些，我一向不喜欢感伤的，现在自己却在这儿哭。这可不像我。我是那个自我奋斗，从小土屋走向阿巴斯的女人，是那个帮助梅洛拉摆脱她所爱的男人的女人？ 然而，我并不是为了别人而流泪，是为自己。 我走进贮物间，找到外婆说的那张药方。 屋顶好像是漏了，要是想住人的话，一定得重新维修；有好几处地方需要修建，我要把这儿变得舒服些。 突然，我吓得大气也不敢喘：有人在推门。 当你在一个屋子住久了以后，你会非常熟悉那儿的各种声音：床的吱呀声，地板的格格声，门栓的拧动声……如果外面有人想进来，那他为什么不敲门？ 我走到门边，等待着门被推开。但是，却又没动静了。但我发现小小的窗口被什么东西挡住了。显然有人站在窗户口看着我。我吓得一动不动，两腿开始打颤，额头上冒出了冷汗。我也说不清为什么会感到这么害怕。 为什么我不跑出去，看看究竟是谁？为什么我不喊人来？究竟是谁呢？ 我实在弄不明白，只好背靠着门等着。 小窗洞恢复了原来的明亮，一定是那个人走了。 我不知道自己怎么会那么害怕，我天生不是个胆小的人。有好一会儿，我就站在那儿，一步也不敢挪动；我一手拿着药方，另一手拿着梳子和发罩，彷佛这些东西是驱除魔鬼的护身符。“外婆，”我轻声说，“快救救我！” 我觉得此刻，她的灵魂就在这屋子里，在告诉我要镇静，没什么好害怕的。 谁会跟着我呢？谁会想伤害我呢？是约翰吗？难道因为他不是真心地想娶我？是赫蒂吗？因为我在她最需要婚姻时抢了她的约翰？ 我害怕鬼魂。 我对自己说这是荒唐的，我打开门走了出去，外面并无人影。 我高声说：“有人吗？有人找我吗？” No one agreed.我锁好门，一路小跑离开了那儿。直到看见天资殿就在不远处，我才觉得放心了。我穿过草坪，走进屋里。客厅里生着火，一定是金来了。 他和梅洛拉、卡莱恩正兴致勃勃地聊天。我轻轻叩了下窗户，他们回过头来看着我，又惊又喜的样子。我走上前去，心里安慰自己刚才只不过是一种不愉快的幻觉而已！ 日子一天天地过去，而我彷佛生活在等待中——有时我觉得金也在等待什么。我常感到他欲言又止。卡莱恩非常喜欢他，当然，任何人也取代不了他的舅舅在他心目中的地位。金让他在阿巴斯随心所欲，使他觉得仍生活在阿巴斯。金也喜欢看他高高兴兴的样子，我很感动；在我看来，这是他表露的某种愿望。 哈格第、苏尔特太太和她的女儿又陆续回到了阿巴斯，担任原先的角色。所有这一切都让人感到我们仍生活在阿巴斯，只不过住在天资殿而已！ 我们在一起时彼此都有一种温馨的感觉——金和我，卡莱恩和梅洛拉。而我是中心人物，他们都很关心我。 一天早晨，哈格第送来了金写的一张便条。哈格第说金正等着回音，而他就站在一旁等我看完。 看完条子，我的喜悦难以言表，这一刻总算等到了！我对自己说，这将是我生命中最非凡的时刻。 我决定应该在阿巴斯谈比较好，那儿决定了我的命运。 我拿起笔写回条，哈格第在旁边等着。 哈格第拿着回条走了，我想这下，那儿的佣人们又会议论纷纷，因为阿巴斯又要进来一位新的女主人——原来的那一位。 我回到自己的房间，看着镜子里的自己。看上去，人们绝对想像不到我的丈夫刚被谋杀。我的两眼显得神采飞扬，脸上出现了难得的红晕。现在还只有中午１１点钟。再过一会儿，梅洛拉跟卡莱恩就要去散步。我不能让他们看出我兴奋的心情，因此，吃午饭时，我尽量压抑着这种欢乐的心情。 我考虑该穿什么样的衣服。真遗憾，我仍得穿着丧服，但是在接受到人求婚时总不好穿黑衣服吧？然而，我至少得服丧一年，是从约翰失踪的时候算起，还是该从发现他尸体的时候算起？我得做一年的寡妇，但我打算从约翰失踪的那天算起。 其实我真是个快乐的寡妇，但又得装出十分哀怨的样子。当人们找到约翰的尸体时，人们对我表示的悲愤显得十分同情。 是不是该穿件带点白色的黑衣服？那就选那套绸的。至少得表示我仍在悼念丈夫。外面套上黑外套，再戴顶黑帽子，那样，待会儿喝午茶时，就可以把帽子和外套脱掉。我想像着与金一起喝茶的情形，我会为他倒茶，好像我已是那儿的女主人。 好了，我决定在黑外衣里穿上那套白绸晨服，谁也看不出。我会悄悄走过草地去阿巴斯。我想到了那处女石，还有那个矿。既然已经证明没有锡了，我下次就把它填掉，要不然，小孩子去那儿玩，就太危险了。 吃午饭时，卡莱恩和梅洛拉都注意到我异样的神情。 “我从没见过你这么漂亮。”梅洛拉说。 “看上去，你像是得到了很想要的一件礼物似的高兴。”卡莱恩说。 “我今天早上可没收到什么礼物。”我对他说。 “我不相信，是什么礼物？” “你做得对，”梅洛拉说，“你好像步入了正常的生活。” 我听着，心里想：等我回来，你们就知道了。 吃完午饭，我就穿上白绸衣，仔细地梳好头发。高高的发型使我看上去更加优雅，十足的贵妇人打扮。我要让金为我感到骄傲。因为头发里装饰着西班牙梳子，所以不能戴帽子了，只好披了个披肩，倒也十分得体。一切准备完毕，时间还早，只好再等。我坐在窗前，透过树林望着阿巴斯花园建筑的塔楼，心想，在这个世界上，我最想去的地方就是那儿——我将在那儿与金厮守我的后半辈子。 外婆说得对，生活已给我上了一课，爱情是人生的真谛。我现在确确实实地在恋爱，不是爱一幢房子，而是全身心地爱着一个男人。要是金说他想浪迹天涯，要是他说想重返澳洲我会跟他一起去的……无怨无悔。 尽管我会常常想起阿巴斯，那也只是一种怀旧而已！ 但现在用不着想这些，生活给了我所有的保护：金和阿巴斯。 终于到了该出发的时刻，那天下午天气极好，秋日的阳光照在松树枝上，树叶闪着柔和的光泽。 恋爱中的人看什么都是美的。整个世界在我眼里从来没显得如此明媚——松树的芳香、青青的草原、温湿的大地、和煦的阳光；温柔的轻风送来海洋的气息；我爱这个世界。 我觉得自己不应该到得太早。我走近草地上的处女石，看着这些石头，就觉得它们是生活的象征。那些处女也热爱生活，但她们的方式不对。她们像在阳光
Melora and I sat in the living room. It was as if we were back in those days when we lived in the Vicarage, and this mutual feeling made us feel very close to each other. "This is only temporary, Melora, life is about to change again," I said. She stopped her needlework and nodded. She was sewing a shirt for Calaine at the moment, and whenever she was sewing, she always looked very peaceful and motherly. "No news on John yet," I said. "When do you think they'll find out before giving up?" "I don't know. I think eventually they'll put him on the missing persons list." "What do you think will happen to him, Melora." She was silent. "A lot of people didn't like him in St. Langston," I said. "Do you remember how angry he was when he was stoned the other day. People here would have He killed it. Their life was so hard, they knew I was willing to mine." "You...Kronsa." "I shall be the head of the family at St. Langston Abbas at once, unless..." "Abbas belongs to Justin, Kerenza; it always should have been." "But, Justin never came back, John was running the business during his absence, and if he never comes back..." "I don't think he will come back. I didn't tell you before, but he has made up his mind now. He said that he will live in Italy and engage in religious work for the rest of his life." "Really?" I really couldn't hide the joy in my heart, I don't know if she saw it.Justin will become a monk and never marry! It dawned on me that all these years Melora has been like Penelope, Odysseus' faithful wife.I looked at Melora and said, "What about you, Melora, you love him so much, do you still love him now?" She was silent for a while and said: "You're too practical, Clenza, and you never understand me. You think I'm a fool." "Then you should take the initiative to let me understand you. Your happiness is very important to me, Melora." "I know that," she said with a smile. "Sometimes I mention Justin's name and you get mad, and I know it's because you think I'm too miserable. Justin has always been on my mind." Hero, I have a kind of admiration for him since I was a child. Think about it, he is the owner of such a large manor, I like you, I especially like Abbas. Justin has always been so perfect in my mind. I was the biggest when I was a child My wish is that someday he will notice me. In my imagination, he is a prince in a fairy tale, who meets the woodcutter's daughter and turns her into a queen. My head is full of fantasies. Do you understand?" I nodded: "I thought you would be sad for the rest of your life after he left." "I thought so too. But my love with him was idyllic. If he had been free to choose, we would have married and lived happily ever after, and I would have been his docile wife and he would have A polite, tender and kind husband, but our relationship is idealized, lifeless and unrealistic. You have shown me that." "Me? How come?" "Your love for Karaline, you made me understand how feeble my own love is. When you saw Karain showing attachment to me, you were so jealous. The feeling in your heart is a force that repels everything, so excited People. Just think, if you loved Justin, would you face everything like I did? Would you let him say goodbye? Would you let him go? No, you'd go away with him, or would you fight Fight, let the two of you live here together. That's love. But you never loved John like that. And you loved your brother very much; you loved your grandmother very much. Now, all your love is On Carleen. One day in the future, you will fall in love with a man desperately, and that is the most perfect meaning of life. I believe that I will do the same in the future. We are both young, but it is too late for me to mature and understand. Now that I'm grown up, Kerentha, neither of us has found meaning in life. Do you know what I mean? But we'll find happiness in the future." "How can you be sure?" "Because we both grew up together, Clentha, and we were meant for each other." "Melora, you seem to be very good at preaching today!" "That's because we're all now freed from the past, as if to start a new life. John's dead, Clentha, I'm sure. I believe what you say is true. It wasn't just one man who killed him , but several, for he interfered with the happiness of many families. You are free, Cronsa. St. Langston set you free. To the cause of religion. I will no longer sit here sewing and wait for him, nor look forward to his letters, nor be inexplicably excited at the sound of someone coming. My mind is as calm as water now. I have become A real woman, as if freed again. And you too, Clentha, you did not lie to me. You married John mainly for the house, for the place he could give you, as St. Langston's One. You paid what you paid and got what you asked for. You and I will start a new life.” I looked at her and thought: She's right.I don't have to feel guilty anymore, I don't have to be afraid the next time I see a toy elephant, and the flaws on the toy are no longer a pain in my heart.I saved Abbas for Karleon, but I didn't necessarily hurt Melora.From now on, I won't feel guilty. Impulsive, she wished she could step forward and hug Melora.She smiled at me, and I kissed her forehead. "You're right, we're free men," I said. Over the next few weeks, I discovered a few things. The Lawyer of the Langstons came to see me, and he brought the dismal news that for several years the Langstons had been in decline, and in many respects had been trying to economize as much as possible. When Judith married, the situation improved, but because her dowry was sent every year after marriage, now that she is dead, there is no more. After John became addicted to gambling, he was able to maintain his life only by abstaining from daily expenses.If only Judith were alive now! John mortgaged a lot of property in order to pay off his gambling debts.In a few months, it will get worse as taxes rise.It seems that the only way to survive is to sell Abbas. The situation we are facing now seems to be a repetition of the tragedy of the past.At that time, thanks to the discovery of tin, the family was able to be brought back to life. Be sure to figure it out in the next few months. But what can be done? The family lawyer looked at me sympathetically, he understood my situation; the husband had disappeared, he had lost all the estate, and I was left to wrestle with my son's rights.Justin needed only a little money to support him at the Abbey, and he had renounced all obligations and rights here. "I think, Mrs. St. Langston," he said, "that you'd better move to the Hall of Talents now, and you'll save a lot of money." "What about Abbas's house?" "Rent it to someone else, of course, this may not necessarily solve the problem, maybe we have to sell it..." "Sell Abbas Manor! The St. Langstons have lived here for generations." He shrugged his shoulders and said: "Many luxury houses like this are changing owners now." "But my son..." "Oh, he's so young, and he hasn't lived here long," he said, seeing how sad I was, "maybe he doesn't have to do that." "And that mine," I said, "it saved Abbas once, and it might save us again."
I want Saul Candy to come see me.I don't understand how their enthusiastic mining enthusiasm at that time has become silent now?I made up my mind to do it.The first thing is to confirm as soon as possible whether there is tin in the ground. I stood in front of the study window and waited for Sol's arrival, while looking at the cemetery and stone statues in the distance.If mining is really started, it will no longer be such a peaceful scenery; the miners are running around with shovels, and there is a lot of noise.And the roar of machines.I don't know much about mining, except that my grandmother told me about a man named Richard Trevithick who invented a high-pressure hoist to dig out the ore and then crush it. What a picture it will be: Miners and noisy voices are everywhere beside the quiet Maiden Stone.It's nothing, haven't you opened a mine before?Modern technology only minimizes damage to the environment. Tin is money, and money will save Abbas. I was getting a little impatient, when Haggerty came in and told Saul Candy to wait outside. "Bring him in quickly," I said. He came in, hat in one hand, but he didn't seem to be able to meet my eyes. "Sit down, please," I said, "I suppose you know why I've asked you here?" "Yes, ma'am." "You know, my husband's whereabouts are still unknown, and Justin is far away from home, so he can't take care of the affairs here. After you brought your delegation here a few days ago, I tried my best to persuade John. Now, I officially inform you to find out whether there is any tin under the mine. If there is, then there will be jobs for many people in St. Langston." Saul Candy twirled the hat in his hand and kept his eyes on the tip of his toes. "Ma'am," he said, "it's useless. The St. Langston Mine is a dead mine. There's nothing underground, which means you can't provide a way of life for people here." I was speechless.My original plan to save Abbas was crushed by this stammering giant in front of me. "Nonsense!" I yelled. "How do you know?" "Ma'am, we have already conducted a survey, before Mr. John ... disappeared." "yes?" "Yes, because we are still counting on mining to make a living, so we went to the mine late at night to investigate and confirmed that there is no tin under the mine." "I do not believe." "But it is true, ma'am." "You went down to do the investigation alone?" "Yes, because it's too dangerous to go down the well, and I'm their leader." "But, I, I need expert advice." "It costs a lot of money. We miners are absolutely right based on experience, please believe me." "No wonder you have been silent recently." "Yes, we're going to St. Agnes right away. There's work there. The best tin in Cornwall. We're leaving this weekend, wife and children." "I understand, then there is no need to say anything!" He looked at me, and I thought his eyes were like those of a long-haired dog.He seemed to be saying sorry to me, because he also knew very well that Abbas was in financial trouble and I wanted to open tin mines very much.Now it was Hagarty, Mrs. Lolt, and the servants who had to worry about their livelihood. "I'm sorry, ma'am." "I wish you luck in St. Agnes," I said, "and good luck to all of you." "Thank you, ma'am." After he left, it dawned on me. What I saw in my room that night were miners surveying the ground for Wuxi, and the results turned out to be disappointing.John hadn't disappeared then. Why did they kill him when they knew there was no more tin in the mine?for what? It can only mean that it was not the miners who killed John, so who could it be?Is John still alive?
Melora and I discuss our future.She was the relaxed and happy Melora again, as if she had broken Justin's spell. In the past, because she admired Justin too much, she became tame and timid, like a sheep.Now, she's back to her true self. "You see yourself as a benevolent God who rules over us," she said. "In your eyes, we are all little emperors under your rule, and when you see that we are incompetent, you want to rule for us." "You are talking nonsense." "If you think about it you'll see what I'm saying makes sense. You're trying to arrange Joe's life... John's life... Carlain's life." I couldn't help but blame myself: maybe there is you, Melora, and I also want to dominate your life, but you don't know it. I really should tell her the truth one day in the future, otherwise, I will never have peace in my heart. I decided that we would all move to Tianzi Hall.Hagarty and Soult, mother and daughter, had gone to work elsewhere.Tom Pengast finally asked for a Dole.Only Daisy followed us.Abbas' estate is temporarily managed by lawyers.Poirot and Terrylance still lived in the original mud hut and did their work; Mrs. Lolter was still working as a housekeeper for Abbas, and Flowery Terrylance came to help occasionally. In order for Karaine to have a means of earning a living as an adult, I think Abbas's house needs to be redecorated in the future.The only thing that can be done now is this. I visit Abbas every day to make sure that everything here is still the same. Living in the Talent Hall, Karlein is quite satisfied.Melora and I tutored him at the same time.Although he is not very bright and occasionally looks out of the window, he is very obedient.Every Saturday he followed Joe to see him, and it was a holiday to him. We could have had two tenants.But one thinks that the Abbas Manor is too big, and the other thinks that the feng shui of the manor is not good, and it is shrouded in a mysterious atmosphere.It seems that no one will rent it, so we have to move back to live. I always thought that if there were any major changes in life, life would always predict something to me in advance.But in fact, many things happened so suddenly. That morning, I got up a little late because I fell asleep very late the night before.When I got dressed and went downstairs to breakfast, I found a letter.The letter was from our agent, informing us that a tenant would come at three o'clock in the afternoon to discuss the house. At breakfast, I told Melora about this. “I don’t know what’s going to happen this time,” she said. “I sometimes think there’s no way we can rent out the house.” At three o'clock in the afternoon, I went to Abbas; thinking that perhaps in the future I would never be able to come and go from the house as freely as I do now.But maybe we can develop a good neighborly relationship with our new tenants?Then we can socialize, invite them to dinner, and they invite us.What is it like to dine as a guest at Abbas?It must be like when I went to the prom. Mrs. Rolt was displeased when she learned of a tenant's visit. She missed the good old days and the sight of the servants chatting together at the dinner table. Whenever I saw her, she always said, "I don't understand what's wrong with us, my God, Abbas has become so quiet and sad, I never dreamed of it." I know very well that she is bored, and I most hope that the tenants who come can be followed by her secretly and have a discussion. Just after three o'clock there was a loud knock at the door. I sat in the study and left Mrs. Rolt to open the door and let the guests in.I feel very depressed and really don't want others to live in Abbas, but I know there is nothing I can do. There was a knock at the door, and Mrs. Rolt appeared at the door, surprised; then I heard another voice; Mrs. Rolt retreated; and for a moment I felt as if I were in a dream— A recurring dream over the years: Kim walked over to me.
As far as I can remember, these were the happiest days of my life beyond words.I just remember him hugging me, cheek to cheek, and his laughter ringing around me. "I told them not to say my name. I want to give you a surprise." Mrs. Rolt was still standing at the door and said to herself, "My God!" I couldn't help sighing from my heart: My God... my God!All this is really incredible! He hasn't changed much, and when I told him that, he said, "But you've changed a lot. As I told you, you've become an elegant and charming lady, and now you're still really charming and beautiful." .” How shall I put it?He's still the same guy: jovial, joking, and suave.He's brilliant, but never hurts, and I think that's what sets him apart.He never laughed at others, but often had fun with others.He always makes people feel that you are important, and he is also important to you.Maybe because he helped me carry Joe home that day, I fell in love with him, and he has a bit of beautiful ideal color in my mind.Now he's back, standing in front of me, and my consciousness wakes up: I love him. He told me that his father had passed away.After finishing their career at sea, they settled in Australia, bought a ranch at a cheap price, and made a living from sheep and cattle.Later he realized that he had enough money and returned to England with his bags.After hearing his success story, I had a lot of imagination. He held my hand and looked at me seriously. "Are you married, Cronza?" I told the story of John's disappearance, of Justin's departure after Judith's death, and of how we had fallen so badly that Abbas had to be rented out. "What a change! And I don't know it." He sighed. "Then you must still be thinking about us, or you wouldn't have come back." "I think of you all the time. I've often wondered what happened to home? I'll go back and see... Then I learned that Clentha married John; Melora... Melora, like me, Still unmarried. I must go and see Melora, and your son; Crentha has a son, and you call him Carline! Oh, I remember the name Carline, Miss Calline! Oh, Cronza , all this is really like a dream.” I took him to the Hall of Talents.Melora and Carleen just came back from a walk.When she saw Jin, Melora stared as if she had seen some kind of hallucination, and then she laughed out of joy, and threw herself into his arms with a laugh. I look at them both.They asked each other questions, like old friends.But my possessive desire for love has made me feel that he will make me sad even if he leaves me.
I feel that grandma's days in this world are numbered, so I visit her almost every day.I always sit by her bed and accompany her to recall the past days.She often gets caught up in memories, and sometimes appears peaceful and quiet. One day she said to me, "Krentha, you are so beautiful now, like a woman in love." I couldn't help but blush, I dare not confess my love for Kim to her.I was still uncertain; I longed to forget my past, longed for a new life, a new emotional life. I am tormented by a complex emotion every day, my love for Jin grows day by day, I want to marry him, but I still don't know whether my husband is dead or alive, how is it possible? Grandma would love to talk to me about Kim. "Honey, Kim is back. I'll never forget the way he carried Joe behind his back. He was our friend." "Yeah, we were terrified at the beginning, but we later realized that there was no need for it." "He's such a nice guy, and he told Polente later that Joe got the job he has now, and I'm grateful to him." "Me too, Granny." "I can see that, but what else do you think of him? My granddaughter?" I said nothing, and she went on: "There has never been any obstacle between us, and there never will be. I hope to see you in a happy marriage, Clenza. You haven't." "Marry Kim?" I whispered to her. "Yes, you are suitable for a man like him." "I think so too, Granny, but I'm afraid I'll never know whether I have the right to marry him." She closed her eyes to rest, I thought she was falling into memory again, and would ignore me for a while, but she suddenly said: "Kronsa, I swallowed my words several times, I want to tell you, my life Not much more, child." "Don't say that, grandma, I can't bear it." "Oh, my boy, you have been a great comfort to me over the years, and I will always remember the day you brought Joe to find your grandma. From then on, I have a happy life again. Karen Sha, marrying the one you love is the real happiness in life, and having children for the one you love is the meaning of life. The happiness of love is not escaping your humble origins and owning a luxurious residence. I hope you too To have the life experience I have. If my feelings are right, you are now a free man, and the aura of happiness is surrounding you." "Grandma, are you sure John is dead?" "I didn't see him die, but I don't think he exists anymore." I approached her, trying to determine if she was talking in her sleep, or if she was just talking nonsense about the past. She seemed to see my doubts, and she smiled softly and said, "No, I'm sober, Kronsa. Now I'll tell you everything, I didn't say it before because I thought it was better to keep it from you." .Do you remember the night when Judith had a fit and you came to my little mud hut and we found out someone was eavesdropping on it?" "I remember, Granny." "It was Hetty Pengast, who wanted to see me but was afraid of being seen. She was five months pregnant at the time, and she said she was too afraid to tell her father that she Father will tell Saul Candy because that baby is definitely not Saul's, poor baby, she is so freaked out. She tries to cover it up and she regrets knowing Saul is the one who really loves her A spur of the moment with that man." I asked, "Is her baby John's?" Grandma went on, "I told her, 'Tell me who the father is?' She wouldn't tell, kept it secret, the man must have told her not to. She said he'd take care of it He could only think of a way. She said she was going to meet him the next night and she believed he would marry her, but I told her it was a dream and she went away. She was afraid of her strict father and Sol, afraid that her father will tell Sol that Sol is definitely not the kind of person to swallow his anger..." "Did she tell you John did it?" "No, she didn't. But I think so. I know John was after you, and I wondered if he really loved you that much. So I asked her if you dated like this, and you weren't afraid of your father or Did Saul see it? She said she was not afraid, and said that she often met with him on the grass, beside the Maiden Stone. After dark, many people were afraid to go there, so it was safe. I was very worried when I heard that. I'm afraid to know that the man is John, I'm thinking of you." "It must be John, Granny, it must be him, I know he's been trying to have her." "I was always worried that day, and I said to myself, Cronza will solve the problem by herself, and it turned out to be the same. I remembered the situation when I had a relationship with the old knight and had to cheat Pedro at the same time. .Thinking of Pedro, I combed my hair and sat by the window, what would I do if the baby belonged to John? First I had to find out who the father was, so I went over there on the grass Wait, I hid behind one of the biggest rocks and saw them coming. The night moon was thin and the stars were thin, and I could see them clearly. Hetty was crying, and he was comforting her, because I couldn't hear clearly because it was far away from the rock What did they say; perhaps she was afraid that she would turn to stone, as in the legend. They were standing near the mine shaft, and she seemed to be threatening to jump down if he didn't want her, but I knew she was just saying That's it! But he was freaked out, and I guess he talked her out of St. Langston. I crept up to them to hear what they were saying, and she said, 'I'm going to die, John, I'm going to jump from here Go down,' he said, 'don't be a fool, don't do this, don't play tricks on me, go and tell your father, and tell him, I'll marry you right away!' She seemed really angry, and she stood There was no sound at the edge of the mine, and I really wanted to say to the man: 'Let her go, she won't jump!' But he was terrified and grabbed her arm... I heard her screaming Shout out, then... fall, and see him standing there by himself." "Grandma, he killed her!" "I'm not sure because I didn't see it... but if I did, I'm not sure. It happened so quickly, a moment ago she was standing there, a moment later, she fell down. " A chain of events flashed through my mind: his strange behavior, his desire to escape, his terror at the very mention of mining.I stared at Grandma and understood the next story, that John came to me and asked me to marry him. Grandma went on: "He stood there, motionless, as if he had been turned to stone, and then, in the moonlight, he saw me standing there with my Spanish hair done, and he said, 'Clenza,' he The voice was as light as a gossamer. He looked back down the mine and looked around again. I hurried back and ran, and when I ran to the Maiden Stone, I heard him shouting: 'Cronza, Cronza, Come here quickly.'" "Grandma," I said, "he thought I, standing there, saw what he did." She nodded. "I went back to the house and stayed up all night, thinking what should I do? Early the next morning, Melora brought me a letter from you. I learned that you and John eloped to Plymouth and were going to get married." "I see," I said unhurriedly. "He asked me to marry him without saying a word. I thought he couldn't live without me. Now it looks like a terrible marriage." !" "He did it to protect himself from being charged with murder, and you did it to get the house. You paid a lot for your ideals." After hearing all this, I was completely numb.The meaning of my life has changed.Fate played a trick on me once, and that Hetty Pengast, whom I always despised, played a very important role in my story; John didn't want me for mad love, but to block me Q. "Why didn't you tell me earlier, Grandma," I really blamed her. "After you got married, what's the point of me telling you this. Then you became a mother, and I don't think I'll ever tell you again in this life." I feel a chill. "It's horrible, John thought I'd agree to keep my mouth shut for the sake of the marriage I wanted. If I had known the truth, I would never have married him." "Not even at the price of owning Langston?" We looked into each other's eyes, and I had to admit my true thoughts: "At the beginning, as long as I could become a member of the Langston family, I would do anything." "This is a lesson that life has taught you, my granddaughter. Maybe you have learned something; maybe you have learned that happiness is not in the form of the home, but in the feeling of the heart. If you still feel that you have paid The cost is not great, so you can still start over now." "is it possible?" She nodded and said, "Listen, John doesn't want to mine, and Saul Candy is determined to. Sol wanted to see if there was any untapped tin, and he went down the mine, but he found Hetty's body. He understood why she was there, and he knew that John was responsible for it. He had heard a lot of gossip; later, Hetty disappeared, but he married you. Everything will bring out the truth." I gasped and asked, "So, you think Saul killed John after he found Hetty down the well?" "I can't say it for sure, but Thor never mentioned looking for Hetty, and since I know the truth, why didn't he say he found Hetty's body down the well? vengeance, plus he thought blood debts to be paid in blood. It was John who deprived the workers of their means of livelihood, and took his bride. He did not believe the law to be just, and he used to say that the laws of the rich were not the same as those of the poor. , Therefore, he adopted his own legal means, he waited for John to come out of the casino, and killed him on the way. The best place to dispose of the body is to throw him under the mine, and let him be with Hetty! Then he left here...to St. Agnes...far from St. Langston." "It's a terrible story, Granny." "I thought from the beginning that you would learn the first lesson from your own life, and it was useless to say anything, Clenza, love him, as I loved my Pedro, and lived for him. Child... Don't care whether you live with him in a high-rise building or a thatched hut. Happiness does not belong to those who care about material gains and losses. If you can do this, I can leave in peace. I have seen you The love in your eyes, Crentha, before I saw you loved me, Joe, and Carlain, and now you love a man. To love a man, my dear, means you have a lot to give him. Joe Fighting for his wife after marriage, Carleen will also dedicate himself to the one he loves, and I can't be with you forever, so if there is such a man who can make you give wholeheartedly, then I am really happy for you... ..." "Don't talk about death, Granny, don't talk like that, I can't do without you." "It sounds very touching, my dear child, but it is impossible, you can do without me, because you will have someone you love around you, and in love, you will become wise and mature. Your The name contains the meaning of peace and love, and it also means a happy life. You have grown up, girl, you will not pursue what you don't want, go for love and happiness... It's time to forget the past You are not who you used to be today. Never grieve over the past, remember this, and don't say your past is a tragedy, your past is your life experience, because without your past, there is no Without you now, you will cherish life even more after going through hardships." "However, John's whereabouts are still unknown..." "Then start the mine, boy, he's down there, and I'm absolutely sure he's there, as is Hetty, and of course it's going to cause a new scandal, but it's better than being a widow all your life." "I'll listen to you, grandma," I just said, a chill flashed in my heart, "I can't do that, I have to think about Carleen." "What does this have to do with Carleen?" "Why don't you understand? People will say his father was a murderer." Grandma was silent for a while and then said: "You are right, it will cast a shadow on his heart, but what do you do? My dear, you spend your life alone without knowing why?" It seemed to me that I had to choose between Kim and Calaine; but I understood Calaine's soft and sensitive nature, and he couldn't bear to be called the son of a murderer. Granny went on unhurriedly: "There's a way, Clentha, I've thought of it. People don't know when Hetty died. They'll find her when they go down the well... and John's."尸体。我相信是索尔杀了约翰，索尔已远走他乡。再过一段时间，你就开矿。到现在还有人常来问我赫蒂究竟在哪儿，下次我就说赫蒂回来了，有人看到了……当场抓获；索尔知道这矿已是废矿，就把他俩杀了，一起扔下去” 我看着她，简直不敢相信自己的眼睛：你安排自己的生活，这也是她的信念，难道不是这样的吗？ 她现在的身体看上去比前一阵子要好，看样子她还会有很多日子能陪伴我。 我是多么地爱戴她！又是多么地依赖着她！只要我与她在一起，我就觉得生活中没什么不可能实现的梦。 “外婆，”我说，“我不相信约翰杀了赫蒂，也许是个意外？” “也许是这样。”她这样说的目的是为了安慰我，卡莱恩的父亲不能是个杀人犯。不能让别人这样怀疑他。 我俩彷佛又回到了从前，互相支持。我的眼前豁然明亮，我已是自由人，卡莱恩的父亲也不是杀人犯。
我们在等待中过了一个月，这期间我去了一趟圣·艾格尼斯，想摸清楚索尔·坎迪的真实情况。他不在那儿；他确实去过那儿，但只待了几天，大伙儿都说索尔带着他的家人永远地离开了故土，但谁也不知道他们去了哪儿？ 这对我来说是好消息，我赶紧回来告诉了外婆。 “那就别再拖延时间，”她说，“再等下去对你不利，我也经不起等待，我希望尽早看到你把这件事了决。”
我把自己关在房间里。那些探矿专家们一上午都在忙碌。他们说下矿之前先要做好安全工作；这么长时间废弃的矿井也许会潜伏着危险：比如说洪水、泥土坍塌以及别的不测。要准确地勘测这个矿是否还有经济效益得先花去一大笔钱。 金骑马来到了天资殿。我很庆幸梅洛拉已带着卡莱恩出去玩了。戴西上来通知我他在楼下等我，我说我马上下来见他。我照照镜子，仍然年轻，许多人都说已是丰姿绰约年龄的我穿着淡紫色的晨衣，领子和袖口上镶满花边，看上去十分清雅动人。外婆说得对：恋爱使人美丽。我的发型是高高的华贵式，发泽乌黑光亮，眼睛也很有神，下楼去见金的时候，我的感觉很好。我心里揣度着，也许今天，世界将证明我是个自由的女人。 我一推开客厅的门，就看到他站在壁炉边，两腿分开，双手插在口袋里，嘴角露出温柔的笑容；我十分自信，这一切都是为了我。 他朝我走来，握住我的双手，眼睛里洋溢着欢愉的神情。 “克伦莎。”他叫我名字时都是笑容满面。 “你来看我，真让我高兴。” 他斜着眼问我：“你心情很愉快？” “当然，是你让我感到高兴。” “我很高兴能使你愉快。” 他笑着把我拉到窗前。 “他们今天在草场那儿忙得很。” “是的，他们在干活。” “其结果对你来说很重要，克伦莎。” 我不由得脸红了，担心他看出其中的真实原因。这么多年以后，我发觉他的眼睛变得很敏锐，彷佛能看透人；我觉得他的眼睛很迷人但又有点害怕。 “那是因为我们又能重新开挖锡。”我说。 我吩咐戴西拿些酒和一些上等的饼干——专为来阿巴斯的贵客准备的那种，是我从阿巴斯带到天资殿的。 我俩坐在小桌旁，慢慢地呷着酒。他向房间环视一下后说：“这房间比我原先住的时候还要暖和。这是一种很奇怪的感觉，克伦莎，这儿曾是我住的地方，但现在却是你的家，陌生的家，陌生的人，陌生的气氛……” “当年你住在这儿时，我由衷地羡慕你。” “我知道，你的脸上常有那种表情，克伦莎，你的脸常能向人展示你的心，你从来藏不住心中的秘密。” “这太吃惊了，我希望我现在有所改进。” “你是多么的骄傲、目中无人，我从没见过第二个像你这样的人。” “我是个容易生气的孩子，那时是这样。” “可怜的克伦莎，”他笑了，“我记得你站在墙洞里的样子……那堵破墙，第七位处女的葬身之地。你还记得当时我们听了那故事有多害怕吗？” “记得，所以我才想要去看的。” “我们都去了，全在那儿碰在一起了。” 回忆又出现在眼前：我、梅洛拉、贾斯廷、约翰，还有金。 “当初我们那么取笑你，让你很生气；你往回跑的时候还回头朝我们吐出舌头。我记得很清楚。” “我希望你的记忆中还有些更美好的回忆！” “还有舞会上的卡莱恩小姐，你穿着红丝绒礼服，漂亮极了！还有在林子里的那一夜……你瞧，克伦莎，我记得那么清楚。你和梅洛拉在舞会上的形象！是梅洛拉把你带来参加舞会的，但女主人根本不知道你是谁！”他放声笑笑又说：“那次我也玩得很开心，本来我一直是讨厌舞会的，但那次舞会……我永远忘不了一提起梅洛拉为你争取参加舞会做的努力，我就想笑……” “我们一向像亲姊妹似的。” “我很高兴你们这样友好，”他两眼盯着手中的酒杯；我心中在想：我现在真想知道自己是不是自由了，要是他得知我是自由的，他就会向我表白他对我的感情。 他还想回忆我们的过去，想让我说说我怎么去劳务市场，梅洛拉又是怎么发现我并雇了我的。我又向他讲了查尔斯牧师去世时我们是多么的悲伤，而且那时我们俩真是到了穷困潦倒的地步。 “我和梅洛拉谁都离不开谁，于是我们一起来到了圣·朗斯顿家，我做朱迪思的佣人，她做老夫人的奴仆。” “可怜的梅洛拉！” “我们俩都历经苦难。” “但你至少能照顾好自己。” 我们相视而笑。 接下去轮到他讲他的生活。他还谈到了他在天资殿的孤独生活。他很爱他的父亲，但由于他父亲长期在海上漂泊，所以，实际上，他常和佣人们一起生活。 “克伦莎，我总觉得自己没有家。” “你很想有个家？” “小的时候没有意识到，但后来就很想，谁不希望有个家呢？佣人们待我很好……但那种感觉不一样。我那时候经常去阿巴斯，我喜欢那里。我知道你也很想去，也许与我的感觉一样。也许是因为传说中的故事给了我们一种格外的向往。那时我常对自己说，我长大一定要赚很多的钱，然后就住进阿巴斯。这不仅仅是为了拥有这样的房子，而是为了圆一个梦，我想成为一个大家族里的成员。你瞧，我是个孤独的男人，克伦莎，我一向都是那么孤独，一直渴望有个热闹的大家庭……子子孙孙，繁衍不绝。” “你的意思是想结婚，生孩子，做个一家之主，旁边围着一大群孩子？” 说着连我自己都笑了，难道我不是在诉说我自己的梦想吗？我不也是常常幻想自己是位老态龙钟的老太太，掌管着阿巴斯的家务，与金一起生活，一起度过晚年。我们俩慈祥地看着我的儿孙们欢快地嬉乐。但我现在却又不由得回首往事，即痛苦的往事。 “这一切也不完全是件不好的事。”他彷佛在安慰我。 接着他又讲述了他身处异乡的孤独，怎样向往有个家，“克伦莎，就是这样，家真实地就在阿巴斯，与熟悉的人朝夕相处。” 我很理解他，心想他的梦也是我的梦。 梅洛拉和卡莱恩回来了，卡莱恩一路上又是笑又是喊。 我和金一起走到窗前看他们走进房子；金的嘴边露出一丝微笑，我相信，他一定羡慕我有个儿子。
接近傍晚时分，金骑着马又来到了天资殿。他来的时候，脸上有种困惑的表情。那时，我正坐在厅里。 “克伦莎。”他走到我跟前，握着我的手，直视我的眼睛。 “什么事？金？” “有坏消息，你快跟我到书房里坐下。” “快告诉我，金，我受得了的。” “梅洛拉在哪儿？” “别管她，快讲。” “克伦莎……”他抱着我，我就依靠着他，把自己看成弱不禁风的性格人物，十分感激他对我的关怀备至。 “金，你别制造悬念了，快讲啊！” He shook his head. “克伦莎，你会受不了的……” “我一定要知道，金，你难道看不出来……” 他紧紧地抓住我的手说，“他们发现了，在矿底下，他们找到了……” 我抬起眼看着他，希望能看到深藏在心底的一丝得意，但我发现他确实真心真意地在为我担心。 “是约翰，”他说，“他们在井底发现了约翰的尸体。” 我垂下了眼帘，轻声地叫了一下；他把我扶到沙发上，让我靠着他；我心里真想大喊：我自由了！
圣·朗斯顿从来没有过这样轰动的事。矿底下找到了赫蒂和约翰的尸体！人们不由得想起了关于他俩之间的各种传闻，还有人说在普利茅斯看到过他俩在一起。人们还回忆起约翰老早就对她含情脉脉，他常常去普利茅斯；当约翰和我一结婚，赫蒂离开了圣·朗斯顿；人们觉得一定是约翰在结婚后把她安置在普利茅斯的某个地方。 这一切看起来似乎很明白。索尔·坎迪怀疑了赫蒂，然后暗中查寻，抓到她和约翰在一起，然后就进行了报复。索尔此人天生就惹不起，这次，他为自己平息愤怒，并且他知道这个矿已废弃，就把这两个人的尸体一起扔进了矿坑里。 人们认出是赫蒂的尸体，是因为脖子里挂着个小盒子，那是索尔送给她的纪念品；相比之下，约翰的尸体保持得比较完好，人们为此事不解了好一阵子；后来有人解释说，是约翰的尸体掉下来时，碰巧掀倒了些泥土，于是，尸体被埋在了泥土下，于是，人们便点头称是。 警方进行了进一步的调查，他们想审问索尔·坎迪，就去了圣·艾格尼斯查找，但一点行踪也没查到，人们都说他已不在英国；警方也就相信了人们凭空猜测瞎拼在一起的故事。 在追寻索尔的过程中，我感到紧张极了，但随着时间的推移，我越来越相信，他们是找不到他了。 谁也无法知道事实的真相——我和外婆也只能凭推测知道一小部分，我们也不敢肯定是约翰杀死了赫蒂。我觉得约翰有部分责任，但不能说他直接杀了赫蒂，但我们肯定是索尔杀了约翰。是他发现了赫蒂的尸体，他逃跑了这一事实就足以证明他有罪。 勘测的结果证明我们的矿已没有太大的经济效益，但从另一方面讲，这次勘测已给了我最想要的东西。事实证明我已成了寡妇，有自由跟我所爱的男人结婚。
外婆得知结果的这天起，她的身体就变得非常衰弱，彷佛是她看到了想看的结果，准备随时离去。我的心里涌上无限的悲哀；不管我心中有多大的喜悦，但一想到她即将离我而去，我觉得自己的幸福也将随她而去。 我在那儿陪着她。艾茜和乔都把我当我自己家的人。我不想让卡莱恩在病房里，所以就让乔陪着他。 我不会忘记外婆在人世的最后一个下午。 我坐在她床边，满脸是泪——我一般是不轻易流泪的。 “别难过，我亲爱的外孙女，”她说，“我死后别难过，你忘了我，我反而会安息。” “哦，外婆，”我哭着说，“我怎么可能忘了你。” “那就记着我们在一起的快乐时光。” “快乐时光？没有了你，哪有什么快乐？” “你还年轻，不能因为一个老人而郁郁寡欢。我有我的辉煌时光，你也该有你的，你该去追求你的快乐和幸福，克伦莎，将来是你的；你已有了生活的教训，记住它。” “外婆，”我说，“别离开我，我怎么能没有你？” “这不像是我的克伦莎说的话，我的克伦莎总是勇敢地面对未来的。” “那是与你在一起时，不是我一个人奋斗，我们不能分开。” “听着，亲爱的。你已不再需要我，你爱他，也应该是这样。天下无不散的宴席，没有永远双飞的鸟儿，克伦莎，你有自己的一双翅膀，我不为你担心；你已经能够飞得很高，而且你还会飞得更远。你该开始你的新生活，别难过，我亲爱的。我很高兴自己即将离开这儿。别哭，亲爱的，我走了，你要留下来活下去。而且你现在终于有了自由，有个男人在等你，别害怕，跟着他去天涯海角，只要能在一起就好；别为我难过了。” “外婆，我要你留下来，看到我的儿孙们，我不能没你你……因为我感到，没有了你，我的生活会完全不一样。” “哦，以前你初来这儿时是多么骄傲而快乐……后来，你想成为贵妇人，现在，你已成了贵妇人，只是这次你并不想拥有那房子，而是为了爱情——这是最幸福的事。哦，亲爱的我的时间不多了，你还有什么要说的？克伦莎，请解开我的辫子。” “那会让你感到不舒服的，外婆。” “不，松开我的头发，披散在肩膀上。” I did as she said. “我的头发依然很黑吧？我已经很久没护理它。你要好好护理自己的头发，克伦莎，要保持美丽，因为男人喜欢美丽。我那小土屋怎么样了？” “和你住的时候一样。”我说。她住在这儿，但心里一直记挂着自己的小土屋。刚开始时，她仍要偶尔去看看或在那儿做草药，后来她就派艾茜去拿她要的东西，有时也叫我去。 我从不喜欢去那个小土屋，因为从很小的时候起，我就想极力摆脱或忘掉自己低贱的出身；我觉得如果将来我要成为上等人，那么，忘却过去是很重要的。 “亲爱的，你去一趟小土屋，在角落里的盒子里，有两套发饰，梳子和发罩，有一套是给你的，还有张护理头发的秘方，只要你根据药方，制作起来很容易，你瞧，我这么老了，连一根白头发也没有，答应我，你一定会去那儿好吗？” "I promise you." “我还要你保证，不要悲伤，记住我说的话，连树上的叶子也会有枯黄的时候，我现在就像一片枯老的叶子，马上就要随风而去。” 我把头埋在她的枕头上抽泣起来。 她抚摸着我的头发，像安慰一个小孩子。 我感到死亡之神已徘徊在房间里，我们无可奈何。 外婆就在那天夜里溘然长逝。 第二天早晨我去看她时，发现她躺在那儿，那么安详，梳得十分整齐的头发使她看上去并不老；彷佛是她做完了该做的活儿，安然告别。
外婆去世以后，金和梅洛拉一直陪着我，安慰我。 也就在那些日子里，我更加清楚地感觉到金爱着我；我感到他在等我在渐渐忘掉约翰和外婆后向我表白真情。 我觉得他和梅洛拉俩常在谈论我，商量着怎样把我从最近发生的一连串的事件中解脱出来。所以，现在金常在我这儿，我也常去他那儿，我们几乎天天见面。 卡莱恩也很懂事。他常在我身边，而且总那么听话。与他们在一起，我觉得充满了爱。 秋天来了，刮起了西南风，树叶纷纷落下；只有松树依然碧绿，充满生机。树篱上都是蜘蛛网，网上的水珠在晨光里晶莹透亮。 西风过后，大雾弥漫原野。我独自来到了外婆的小土屋里。 我答应过她要去取她送我的梳子和药方。乔说我们最好不要让外婆的小土屋空着，我们应该继续保持原来的整洁样。是应该，这也是我们的一部分财产哪！况且是由外公亲手营建的，更有感情上的价值。 这栋孤独地矗立在灌木丛中的小土屋是我们的骄傲。 我要记住外婆说的，照她说的去做，忘掉过去，幸福地享受现在，尽力向前看。 也许是那天的下午太安静了，也许是命中注定有事要发生，我突然感觉到一阵不安，我觉有人在偷偷地看着我……一双不怀好意的眼睛。 也许是因为我刚才一直沉浸在回忆中，一点没听到由远而近的脚步声；有人跟着我。 “谁在那儿？”我喊了一声。 我凝神谛听，没人答应。 我为自己感到好笑。 也许是由于我内心不太想去小屋的缘故而产生的幻觉吧？ 我加快脚步走进小土屋，关上门；我站在那儿，环视着熟悉的一切，那张我睡过的床！当我带着乔初来这里时，这个小屋曾带给我多少快乐和幸福！ 泪水模糊了我的眼睛，我真不该这么早就来这儿。 我告诫自己要理智些，我一向不喜欢感伤的，现在自己却在这儿哭。这可不像我。我是那个自我奋斗，从小土屋走向阿巴斯的女人，是那个帮助梅洛拉摆脱她所爱的男人的女人？ 然而，我并不是为了别人而流泪，是为自己。 我走进贮物间，找到外婆说的那张药方。 屋顶好像是漏了，要是想住人的话，一定得重新维修；有好几处地方需要修建，我要把这儿变得舒服些。 突然，我吓得大气也不敢喘：有人在推门。 当你在一个屋子住久了以后，你会非常熟悉那儿的各种声音：床的吱呀声，地板的格格声，门栓的拧动声……如果外面有人想进来，那他为什么不敲门？ 我走到门边，等待着门被推开。但是，却又没动静了。但我发现小小的窗口被什么东西挡住了。显然有人站在窗户口看着我。我吓得一动不动，两腿开始打颤，额头上冒出了冷汗。我也说不清为什么会感到这么害怕。 为什么我不跑出去，看看究竟是谁？为什么我不喊人来？究竟是谁呢？ 我实在弄不明白，只好背靠着门等着。 小窗洞恢复了原来的明亮，一定是那个人走了。 我不知道自己怎么会那么害怕，我天生不是个胆小的人。有好一会儿，我就站在那儿，一步也不敢挪动；我一手拿着药方，另一手拿着梳子和发罩，彷佛这些东西是驱除魔鬼的护身符。“外婆，”我轻声说，“快救救我！” 我觉得此刻，她的灵魂就在这屋子里，在告诉我要镇静，没什么好害怕的。 谁会跟着我呢？谁会想伤害我呢？是约翰吗？难道因为他不是真心地想娶我？是赫蒂吗？因为我在她最需要婚姻时抢了她的约翰？ 我害怕鬼魂。 我对自己说这是荒唐的，我打开门走了出去，外面并无人影。 我高声说：“有人吗？有人找我吗？” No one agreed.我锁好门，一路小跑离开了那儿。直到看见天资殿就在不远处，我才觉得放心了。我穿过草坪，走进屋里。客厅里生着火，一定是金来了。 他和梅洛拉、卡莱恩正兴致勃勃地聊天。我轻轻叩了下窗户，他们回过头来看着我，又惊又喜的样子。我走上前去，心里安慰自己刚才只不过是一种不愉快的幻觉而已！ 日子一天天地过去，而我彷佛生活在等待中——有时我觉得金也在等待什么。我常感到他欲言又止。卡莱恩非常喜欢他，当然，任何人也取代不了他的舅舅在他心目中的地位。金让他在阿巴斯随心所欲，使他觉得仍生活在阿巴斯。金也喜欢看他高高兴兴的样子，我很感动；在我看来，这是他表露的某种愿望。 哈格第、苏尔特太太和她的女儿又陆续回到了阿巴斯，担任原先的角色。所有这一切都让人感到我们仍生活在阿巴斯，只不过住在天资殿而已！ 我们在一起时彼此都有一种温馨的感觉——金和我，卡莱恩和梅洛拉。而我是中心人物，他们都很关心我。 一天早晨，哈格第送来了金写的一张便条。哈格第说金正等着回音，而他就站在一旁等我看完。 看完条子，我的喜悦难以言表，这一刻总算等到了！我对自己说，这将是我生命中最非凡的时刻。 我决定应该在阿巴斯谈比较好，那儿决定了我的命运。 我拿起笔写回条，哈格第在旁边等着。 哈格第拿着回条走了，我想这下，那儿的佣人们又会议论纷纷，因为阿巴斯又要进来一位新的女主人——原来的那一位。 我回到自己的房间，看着镜子里的自己。看上去，人们绝对想像不到我的丈夫刚被谋杀。我的两眼显得神采飞扬，脸上出现了难得的红晕。现在还只有中午１１点钟。再过一会儿，梅洛拉跟卡莱恩就要去散步。我不能让他们看出我兴奋的心情，因此，吃午饭时，我尽量压抑着这种欢乐的心情。 我考虑该穿什么样的衣服。真遗憾，我仍得穿着丧服，但是在接受到人求婚时总不好穿黑衣服吧？然而，我至少得服丧一年，是从约翰失踪的时候算起，还是该从发现他尸体的时候算起？我得做一年的寡妇，但我打算从约翰失踪的那天算起。 其实我真是个快乐的寡妇，但又得装出十分哀怨的样子。当人们找到约翰的尸体时，人们对我表示的悲愤显得十分同情。 是不是该穿件带点白色的黑衣服？那就选那套绸的。至少得表示我仍在悼念丈夫。外面套上黑外套，再戴顶黑帽子，那样，待会儿喝午茶时，就可以把帽子和外套脱掉。我想像着与金一起喝茶的情形，我会为他倒茶，好像我已是那儿的女主人。 好了，我决定在黑外衣里穿上那套白绸晨服，谁也看不出。我会悄悄走过草地去阿巴斯。我想到了那处女石，还有那个矿。既然已经证明没有锡了，我下次就把它填掉，要不然，小孩子去那儿玩，就太危险了。 吃午饭时，卡莱恩和梅洛拉都注意到我异样的神情。 “我从没见过你这么漂亮。”梅洛拉说。 “看上去，你像是得到了很想要的一件礼物似的高兴。”卡莱恩说。 “我今天早上可没收到什么礼物。”我对他说。 “我不相信，是什么礼物？” “你做得对，”梅洛拉说，“你好像步入了正常的生活。” 我听着，心里想：等我回来，你们就知道了。 吃完午饭，我就穿上白绸衣，仔细地梳好头发。高高的发型使我看上去更加优雅，十足的贵妇人打扮。我要让金为我感到骄傲。因为头发里装饰着西班牙梳子，所以不能戴帽子了，只好披了个披肩，倒也十分得体。一切准备完毕，时间还早，只好再等。我坐在窗前，透过树林望着阿巴斯花园建筑的塔楼，心想，在这个世界上，我最想去的地方就是那儿——我将在那儿与金厮守我的后半辈子。 外婆说得对，生活已给我上了一课，爱情是人生的真谛。我现在确确实实地在恋爱，不是爱一幢房子，而是全身心地爱着一个男人。要是金说他想浪迹天涯，要是他说想重返澳洲我会跟他一起去的……无怨无悔。 尽管我会常常想起阿巴斯，那也只是一种怀旧而已！ 但现在用不着想这些，生活给了我所有的保护：金和阿巴斯。 终于到了该出发的时刻，那天下午天气极好，秋日的阳光照在松树枝上，树叶闪着柔和的光泽。 恋爱中的人看什么都是美的。整个世界在我眼里从来没显得如此明媚——松树的芳香、青青的草原、温湿的大地、和煦的阳光；温柔的轻风送来海洋的气息；我爱这个世界。 我觉得自己不应该到得太早。我走近草地上的处女石，看着这些石头，就觉得它们是生活的象征。那些处女也热爱生活，但她们的方式不对。她们像在阳光