Chapter 16 end

Early on the fifth day after Mitya's trial, Alyosha went to Katerina Ivanovna's early in the morning, about eight o'clock, to make a final agreement with her on a matter of great importance to both of them. In addition, he was entrusted to find her this time.She was sitting and talking to Grushenka in the same room where Grushenka had been received; and in the next room lay Ivan Fyodorovitch, feverish and unconscious.Immediately after the incident at court Katerina Ivanovna ordered Ivan Fyodorovitch, sick and unconscious, to be carried to her own home, in complete disregard of the inevitable future events in society. All kinds of arguments and accusations.Of the two female relatives who lived with her, one returned to Moscow immediately after the court scene, the other stayed behind.But even if they both went away, Katerina Ivanovna would not change her decision, would still take care of the sick man, and watch over him day and night.He was treated by Varwinsky and Herzenstube; the doctor from Moscow, who had returned to Moscow, refused to predict the possible outcome of the development of the disease.Although the two doctors who stayed here comforted Katerina Ivanovna and Alyosha, it was obvious that they could not guarantee a cure.Alyosha went to visit his sick brother twice a day.But this time he has a special, very troublesome matter, and he also has a premonition that it will be difficult to talk about it, but his time is short: he has another urgent matter to do in another place this morning , so hurry up.They had been talking for nearly a quarter of an hour.Katerina Ivanovna was pale and tired, but at the same time in a state of morbid excitement: she had already had a presentiment of Alyosha's intention of coming to her now.

"You needn't worry about his decision," she said firmly to Alyosha. "No matter how you think about it, he will choose this way in the end: he should run away! This unfortunate man, this hero of honor and conscience— —I don't mean that one, not Dmitry Fyodorovich, but the one who lay in the next room and made self-sacrifice for his brother." Katya added, her eyes sparkling, "he He told me the whole plan of his escape. Do you know that he has already connected... I have already told you about some things... You see, this matter will probably wait until the convicts exiled in Siberia are released. The escort will not be implemented until the third station. It is still early. Ivan Fyodorovitch has already gone to the station master of the third station. It is just that it is not yet known who is the captain of the prisoners. The news I can't find out in advance. Maybe tomorrow I can show you the detailed plan that Ivan Fyodorovich stayed with me on the eve of the trial in case something happened... That was the time, do you remember, that was The night you saw us quarreling: he was going down the stairs, and I saw you coming, and called him back—do you remember? Do you know why we quarreled?"

"No, I don't know," said Alyosha. "Of course, he kept it from you then: it was about this escape plan. He revealed the main thing to me three days ago - and we have been quarreling for three days since then. The reason for our quarrel was Like this: he told me that if Dmitry Fedorovich was sentenced, he would flee abroad with that slut. It made me angry - I won't tell you why, I don't know why . . . Of course I hated that slut, that she had fled abroad with Dmitri Fyodorovitch!" Katerina Ivanovna suddenly raised her voice, her lips trembling with anger. "Ivan Fyodorovitch, seeing how much I hated that bitch, thought at once that I was jealous of her because of Dmitri, so I must still be in love with Dmitri. That caused the first I don't want to explain, and I can't ask for forgiveness; I feel bad that someone like him should suspect that I still love that... And I told him straight up that I don't love Demeter long before that I love him alone! I'm only mad at him for hating that bitch! Three days later, on the night you came, he sent me a letter, sealed, that if anything happened to him He asked me to open it immediately. Alas, he had foreseen his illness! He confided to me that the envelope contained a detailed plan of escape, and that in case he died or became seriously ill, he wanted me to rescue Mimi alone. Good. He left me on the spot a sum of nearly ten thousand rubles, which the prosecutor mentioned in his speech when he heard from someone that he had sent someone to change the money. Suddenly I felt I was very surprised that, although Ivan Fyodorovich was so jealous that I still loved Mitya, he did not give up the idea of ​​rescuing his brother, and entrusted this matter to me! Ah, what a shame! No, Alexey Fyodorovitch, you cannot fully understand such self-sacrifice! I really wanted to kneel at his feet respectfully, but then he must have thought I did it because I was glad that Mitya had been rescued (he must have thought so!), and I was so angry at the thought of such an injustice that he might have conceived that instead of kissing his feet, I kissed him. What a scene! Ah, how unfortunate I am! Such is my character—a dreadful, unfortunate character! Oh, you will see later: I will do it, I will make a fuss to him Ditching me for another woman, he will fall in love with another easy woman, like Dmitry, but then... no, then I will not be able to bear it, I will kill myself! That time you come , I stopped you, I told him to come back, and when he came in with you, I saw him look at me with a hateful, contemptuous look, which immediately made me very angry, do you remember? , I suddenly yelled at you, I said it was him, he convinced me that his brother Dmitri was the murderer! I was deliberately slandering him, I wanted to get angry at him again, but he never Said his brother was a murderer, and I, on the contrary, told him so myself! Ah, all this because I was mad! I, I caused that damned scene in court! He thought Prove to me that he is noble, even if I love his brother, he will not kill him out of vengeance and jealousy. So he testified in court... I am the root of the curse, and it is all my fault!"

Katya had never made such a confession to Alyosha, and he felt that she was in a terrible pain, when even the most proud heart would lose its pride painfully and be completely mourned. surrendered.Alas, Alyosha also knew another terrible reason for her present misery, which she had kept from Mitya all these days after his sentence.But if she really disregarded her own face and voluntarily confided the reason to him now, then he would feel even more moved and uncomfortable for some reason.She was suffering for her "betrayal" in court, and Alyosha had a premonition that her conscience was forcing her to admit her mistake. It was in front of him, in front of Alyosha, that she cried bitterly, beat her chest and feet, fell to the ground, hysterical Attack, express regret.But he dreaded this moment, he longed to forgive the suffering woman.That made it all the more difficult for him to accomplish that mission.He had to talk about Mitya again.

"It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, you don't have to worry about him!" Katya said stubbornly and fiercely, "His situation is temporary, I know him, I know his heart too well. Don't worry, he will agree to escape Yes. Besides, it’s not just now; there’s still time for him to decide. When Ivan Fyodorovitch is well enough, he’ll take care of everything himself, so I won’t have to do anything. Don’t worry. , he will agree. In fact, he has already agreed: can he leave that bitch? How can he not run away if he is not allowed to go into exile with her? He is mainly afraid of you, afraid that you will not approve of running away from a moral point of view, But you should be magnanimous and allow him to escape, if your approval is really needed here," Katya added viciously.She was silent for a while, then sneered.

"He's still talking about hymns," she went on, "about him having to bear the cross, and about responsibilities, and I remember that Ivan Fyodorovich told me a lot about that. You don't know what he's talking about!" Katya exclaimed suddenly with irrepressible emotion. "You don't know how much he loved him when he told me about the unfortunate man! How much he hated him at the same time! But I listened to him with a haughty sneer, and watched him weep Oh, beast! I am a beast, I am a beast! It was I who made him a delirium! And that man, that condemned prisoner—does he want to suffer?" Katya concluded angrily, "Can such a man suffer? A man like him never suffers!"

There was already a feeling of hatred and extreme disgust in those words.But in fact she betrayed him. "Perhaps it is because she feels guilty of him that she sometimes hates him," thought Alyosha to himself.He wished the feeling of hatred had been "accidental."In Katya's last words he sensed a challenge, but he didn't take it up. "I invited you here today to ask you to promise me to persuade him. Perhaps in your opinion, running away is also dishonest, dishonorable, or not in line with Christianity?" Katya added, The tone of challenge became stronger.

"No, nothing. I'll tell him everything..." said Alyosha softly. "He wants to invite you to come today." He blurted out suddenly, looking firmly into her eyes.She shivered for a while, and suddenly shrank back a little on the sofa. "Please... Is this possible?" she murmured, turning pale. "It's possible, and it should be!" Alyosha said with all his strength, with absolute certainty. "He needs you very much, especially now. If I don't have to, I won't talk about it and make you suffer prematurely. He's sick, he's crazy now, and he's been wanting to see you. He doesn't want you to reconcile, he just wants you to come and show up at the door. He has changed a lot since that day. He understands now that he has done countless wrong things to you. He doesn't want your forgiveness. .He said to himself: 'I can't forgive.' He just wants you to show yourself at the door..."

"You suddenly made me..." Katya said softly, "I've been anticipating for the past few days that you will come to bring up this matter... I knew he would ask me to go!... It's impossible! " "Even if it's not possible, you're going. Remember, it's the first time he's been shocked at insulting you, the first time in his life, and he's never understood it so well before! He said: If she refuses Come, then I'll be a wretched man all my life. Do you hear me: a prisoner who has been sentenced to twenty years of hard labor wants to be a happy man—isn't that pitiful? Think about it: you I am going to visit an innocent victim," Alyosha blurted out this provocative sentence, "his hands are clean and there is no blood on them! You will suffer so much for him in the future, and you are now Go and see him! You go, you go and send him on his life-threatening journey... You just have to stand at the door... In fact, you should, you should!" Alyosha concluded with a special The word "should" is strongly emphasized.

"Should go, but . . . I can't," Katya moaned. "He'll look at me . . . but I can't." "Your eyes should meet. If you can't make up your mind now, how will you live the rest of your life?" "I would rather suffer for a lifetime." "You must go, you must go," Alyosha resolutely emphasized again. "Why today, why immediately?... I can't leave the patient alone..." "You can go for a while, just for a while. If you don't, he'll be feverish at night. I won't tell lies, have pity on him!" "You have pity on me, too," Katya reproached sadly, and began to cry again.

"So you will go!" said Alyosha firmly, seeing her weeping. "I'll go and tell him you'll be right here." "No, don't tell me anyway!" Katya exclaimed in panic, "I will definitely come, but don't tell him beforehand, because I won't necessarily go into his room... I don't know yet..." Her voice choked.She gasped.Alyosha got up and left. "What if I run into someone?" she whispered suddenly, her face turning pale again. "So go at once, lest you meet anyone there. There won't be anyone, and I'm telling the truth. We'll be waiting for you." He said this resolutely, and left the room. He hurried to the hospital where Mitya was now staying.The day after the verdict of the court he fell ill with a nervous fever and was admitted to the Prisoner's Clinic of our municipal hospital.But Dr. Varvinsky, at the request of Alyosha and many others (Khohlako, Lisa, etc.), did not place Mitya with the prisoners, but let him live alone in the old Smerja In the little room where Cove lived.Of course, there was a sentry at the end of the aisle, and the windows were barred, so Varwinski didn't have to worry about his not-quite-legal preferential treatment.He was a kind and sympathetic young man, and he knew how painful it must be for someone like Mitya to suddenly step into the ranks of murderers and liars, and he knew that there must be an adjustment process.As for visits from relatives and friends, the doctor, the head of the detention center, and even the police chief all agreed.But the only ones who had been visiting Mitya these days were Alyosha and Grushenka.Two or three times Rakitin wanted to see Mitya, but Mitya firmly begged Varvinsky not to let him in. When Alyosha entered he was sitting on a hospital bed, wearing a hospital gown, slightly feverish, with a towel soaked in vinegar and water wrapped around his head.He looked blankly at Alyosha who came in, but there still seemed to be a look of panic in his eyes. Since the trial of the case, he has often been lost in thought.Sometimes he would not speak for a full half hour, as if he were thinking nervously and painfully, forgetting who was present.If he breaks away from his thoughts and starts talking, his words are always confusing, and they must not be what he really wants to say.Sometimes he stared at his younger brother in pain.He seemed more relaxed with Grushenka than with Alyosha.Although he hardly spoke to her, he had a look of delight on his face whenever she walked in.Alyosha sat down beside him in silence.This time he waited anxiously for Alyosha to speak, but he dared not ask anything.He thought it inconceivable that Katya would agree to come here, and at the same time he felt that if she did not come, something simply unimaginable would happen.Alyosha understood his feelings. "I heard," Mitya said hastily, "that fellow Trifon Borisecki dismantled his inn to pieces, pried up the floorboards, flipped up the walls, and tore up the entire 'corridor'." It's all in a heap of splinters - he's been looking for treasure, the money, the fifteen hundred rubles that the prosecutor said I hid. I heard he made a mess when he got home. The liar deserved it The guard here told me yesterday; he's from there." "Listen," said Alyosha, "she will come, but I don't know when, maybe today, maybe in a few days, I don't know for sure, but she will come, she will come. " Mitya froze for a moment, wanted to say something, but said nothing.The news had a terrible effect on him.Evidently he wanted to know the details of the conversation, but he dared not ask right away: if Katya had said anything cruel and contemptuous, it would be tantamount to stabbing him right now. "She also said something like this: Regarding the escape, she told me to reassure you. If Ivan's illness has not recovered by then, she will arrange it herself." "You have already told me about it," said Mitya thoughtfully. "Have you told Grusha about this?" said Alyosha. "Yes," admitted Mitya, "she won't be here this morning." He looked timidly at his brother. "She doesn't come until evening. Yesterday I told her that Katya was on the move, and she didn't say a word, she just curled her lips. She just said softly: 'Let her go!' She knew the stakes were high. I She didn't dare to ask any further. She seems to have understood now that that woman doesn't love me, but Ivan." "Is that so?" Alyosha blurted out. "Perhaps not. But she won't be here this morning," Mitya went on hastily. "I've asked her to do something. . . Live, not us. He'll be fine." "You know, Katya, though frightened for him, hardly doubts that he will recover," said Alyosha. "That is to say, she believed he was going to die. She believed he would be well out of fear." "Second brother's physique is very good. I also very much hope that he will recover soon." Alyosha said worriedly. "Yes, he will be cured. But the woman believed he would die, she was so sad..." A silence followed.Something very important was tormenting Mitya. "Alyosha, I love Grushenka so much," he said suddenly in a trembling voice full of tears. "She will not be allowed to come to you," Alyosha went on at once. "I have one more thing to say to you," Mitya continued in a voice that suddenly became crisp, "if they try to beat me on the way or get there, I will not give in, I will kill, they will kill me." I will be shot too. What's more, it will take a full twenty years! Here we have begun to call each other 'you'. The guards address me as 'you'. Last night I lay in bed thinking all night: I didn't do Such preparations! I can't stand it! I wanted to sing 'hymns', but I can't stand the guards calling me 'you'! For Grusha I can stand anything, everything, but the torture... But she was not allowed to go there." Alyosha smiled. "Brother, I'll just tell you straight," he said, "I'll tell you what I think on the subject. You know I'll never lie to you. Listen to me: you're not prepared for that, and This cross was not prepared for you. Nor should you be unprepared to carry such a heavy cross. I would be sorry if you killed your father and you wanted to escape your own cross. But you didn't Sin, such a cross is too heavy for you. You want to use pain to make yourself someone else; it seems to me that no matter where you flee to, as long as you remember this other person forever in your life-yes That is enough for you. As for you not accepting the too heavy cross, it will only make you feel more responsible, and this sense of responsibility that lasts a lifetime may be more helpful than your being there. Your freshman. Because you won't be able to stand it when you get there. You'll complain and maybe end up saying: 'I've paid off my debt.' Lawyers are right on this one. Heavy burdens aren't for everyone Competent for all, unbearable for some people... If you really want to hear my opinion, this is what I think. If your escape will implicate others, such as officers and soldiers, then I won't allow it 'You ran away,' Alyosha smiled. "But they assured me (the station master told Ivan himself) that if it was arranged skillfully, there would probably be no severe punishment, and one could make excuses to get over it. Of course, even in this case, bribery would be dishonorable." But I will not accuse you anyway, because if Ivan and Katya really entrusted me to do it for you, then I know I will bribe you; this is the whole truth that I should tell you. So I don't have to judge your actions either. But you know, I'll never condemn you. And strange to say, how can I be your judge in this matter? Well, now I seem to put Every aspect has been analyzed." "But I will condemn myself!" cried Mitya. "I must run away, the matter is already decided if you don't tell me: how can Mitya Karamazov not run away? But I will condemn myself, Forever asking God to forgive my sins! That's what the Jesuits say, don't they? We say the same now, don't we?" "That's right." Alyosha smiled lightly. "I love you because you always tell the whole truth and hide nothing!" exclaimed Mitya, laughing happily. "So my Alyosha is a Jesuit! That's all I have to kiss you, that's all. Well, now you hear my other thoughts, and I'll show you the other half of my heart. I've thought it over and decided to do this: even if I run away, even with money and passports, even to the United States, then there is another thought to encourage me, that I am not going for pleasure, not for happiness, but for another kind of drudgery, perhaps not as good as here It's easy! Not easy, Alexey, I'm telling the truth, it's not easier than here! I hate that fucking America now. Even if Grusha goes with me, but look at her: Is she American? She's Russian, Russian through and through, and she'll miss her homeland, and I'll see her homesick for me every moment, bearing such a heavy cross for me, But what's her fault? How can I put up with mediocre people there, though they may all be better than me. Now I hate that America! Even if everyone is a brilliant mechanic there, or Any other teachers—to hell with them all, they are not like me, they are not to my liking. I love Russia, Alexey, I love Russia's God, though I am a scumbag myself! I am in It will suffocate in there!" He suddenly said loudly, his eyes sparkling.His voice trembled with crying. "Alexey, listen to me, I've made up my mind!" He suppressed his excitement, and began again, "I'll take Grusha there, find a remote place away from the crowds, and immediately Start plowing, working, with wild bears. They say there are red people there, they live in the ends of the earth, and we will go there, to the last of the Mohicans. Start learning grammar at once, Grusha and I Learn together. Learn grammar while working, and do it like this for three years. In these three years, learn English well, like a real British. As soon as we learn it-then we will say goodbye to America! We will come back as American citizens Come here, go back to Russia. Don't worry, we will not return to this small town. We will hide away, go to the north or go to the south. By then my appearance will change, and she will change, there Well, in America, the doctors would put a fake wart on my face, those mechanics aren't good for nothing. Or I'd blind myself in one eye and grow a beard an argentine long, snow-white (because Thinking of a Russian beard is futile)—Maybe everyone will not recognize me. Even if they do, then I will be exiled, it doesn’t matter anyway, it’s fate! When we get back here, we will find a remote place I will pretend to be an American all my life. But we can die on the land of our hometown after all. This is my plan, and it will never change. Do you agree?" "I agree," said Alyosha, not wanting to disappoint him. Mitya was silent for a moment, then suddenly said: "What the hell did they do during the trial? It's just a trick!" "Even if you don't make a name for yourself, you will still be sentenced." Alyosha said with a sigh. "Yes, people here hate me! God bless them, but it's such a pain!" Mitya lamented. There was another moment of silence between them. "Alyosha, why don't you just kill me!" he cried suddenly. "Do you think she will come now? What did she say? How did she say it?" "She said she would come, but I don't know if she will come today. She is also very embarrassed!" Alyosha looked at his brother timidly. "That's why it's not difficult! Alyosha, I'm going crazy about this. Grusha has been watching me. She knows it. God, my God, you have calmed me." Come down: what do I want? I want Katya! Do I know what I want? This is Karamazovian indulgence, this is a crime! No, I can't suffer! Despicable man, these words It all sums it up!" "Here she is!" cried Alyosha. At this time Katya suddenly appeared at the door.She paused for a moment, looking at Mitya with flustered eyes.He stood up abruptly, pale with terror, but immediately a shy, imploring smile crossed his lips, and he suddenly and involuntarily stretched out his hands to Katya.As soon as she saw this, she ran to him quickly.She grasped his hands tightly, pushed him onto the bed, and sat down beside him, holding his hand tightly and convulsively.The two of them wanted to say something several times, but they held back each time, and looked at each other with strange smiles as if they were silent, focused, and stunned again; two or three minutes passed like this . "Did you forgive me?" Mitya said softly at last, and then turning to Alyosha, smiling with joy, shouted at him: "Do you hear, what am I asking, do you hear?!" "I used to love you because your heart is generous!" Katya blurted out suddenly, "and you don't need my forgiveness, and I don't need your forgiveness; it doesn't matter if you forgive or not. You've been a scar on my heart all my life, and I've been a scar on your heart, and it's only natural..." She paused for breath. "Why did I come?" she said feverishly and hastily. "I came to hug your feet and hold your hands until you cried out for pain. Do you remember holding you like I did in Moscow?" I want to tell you that you are my God and my joy, I want to tell you that I love you like crazy." She moaned as if in pain, and suddenly pressed her lips to his hands.Tears welled up from his eyes. Alyosha stood silent and embarrassed; he had never expected such a scene. "Love is over, Mitya!" Katya began again, "but the past is dear to me. You must always remember that. But let what could have appeared for a while now." Go." She said with a wry smile, looking happily into his eyes. "You love another person now, and I love another person, but I still want to love you forever, and you want to love me too, do you understand? Did you hear that, you have to love me, you have to love me forever !" she said aloud, with an almost threatening shudder in her voice. "I will love, Katya . . . do you know," said Mitya, gasping for breath with almost every word, "you know, five days ago, that night I loved you . . . it was you When I fainted and was carried out...I want to love forever! It must be like this, forever..." So they whispered meaningless, fanatical, perhaps even untrue things to each other, but at the moment it was all true, and they themselves believed they were telling the truth. "Katya," Mitya said suddenly, "do you believe that I did it? I know you don't believe it now, but then... when you testified... did you really believe it?" "I didn't believe it back then! I never believed it! I hated you at the time, so I suddenly forced myself to believe it. At that moment... when I testified... forced myself to believe it, and I believed it . . . but immediately after the testimony was over, she didn't believe it again. You should know that. Ah, I forgot that I was here to punish myself!" She said suddenly in a completely different tone, not at all like the one just now. A kind of affectionate look. "As a woman, it's really embarrassing for you!" Mitya couldn't help saying. "You let me go," she whispered, "I'll come again, it's so hard right now! . . . " As soon as she stood up, she suddenly yelled again and stepped back.Grushenka came in suddenly and noiselessly.No one expected her to come.Katya hurried towards the door, but when she reached Grushenka she stopped suddenly, and, pale as a sheet of paper, said to her softly, almost in a whisper: "Please forgive me!" Grushenka looked at her intently, waited a moment, and answered in a harsh, hateful tone: "We're both full of resentment! Both sides! How can you and I forgive? If you can save him, then I will pray for you all my life." "You won't forgive her!" cried Mitya to Grushenka, sternly reproachful. "Don't worry, I will save him for you!" Katya said in a hurry, and ran out of the room. "How can you not forgive her, since she said 'forgive' to you?" cried Mitya again sadly. "Mitya, you can't blame her, you have no such right!" Alyosha shouted excitedly to his brother. "Her haughty mouth speaks, not her heart," said Grushenka with disgust. "If she can save you, I forgive everything..." Grushenka stopped talking, as if suppressing what was on his mind.She hasn't recovered yet.It was later learned that she had walked in by accident, she hadn't suspected anything at all, she hadn't expected to meet her, but she did. "Alyosha, go after Katya!" Mitya said hastily to his brother. "Go tell her... I don't know... don't let her go away like this!" "I'll see you again before evening!" Alyosha said, and went after Katya.He caught up to her outside the hospital walls.She walked quickly and hurriedly, and when Alyosha caught up with her, she quickly said to him: "No, I can't punish myself in front of this woman! I said 'forgive me' to her because I wanted to punish myself completely. She didn't forgive... so I love her instead!" Katya added, Her voice changed, and her eyes shone fiercely. "Brother did not expect it at all," murmured Alyosha, "he believed she would not come..." "There is no doubt about it, we don't talk about that," she interrupted him harshly. "Listen: I can't go to the funeral with you now. I've sent flowers to the coffin. They seem to have the money. If you need it, please tell them that I will never leave them in the future... Well, please leave me, please go. You are already late, the bells for evening prayer have already rung It's...please leave me!" He was really late.Everyone was waiting for him, and it was even decided that the pretty little coffin, covered with flowers, would be carried to the church even if he did not come.This is the coffin of poor little boy Ilyusha.He died on the third day after Mitya's trial.From the gate Alyosha heard the shouts of the children, Ilyusha's classmates.They had all been waiting anxiously for him, and looked very glad to see him at last.A total of twelve of them came, carrying various schoolbags on their shoulders. "Daddy will cry, please stay with Daddy." Ilyusha told them this before he died, and the children remembered this sentence.Kolya Krasotkin was their leader. "I'm so glad you're here, Karamazov!" he said, holding out his hand to Alyosha. "It's terrible here. Really, it's hard to watch. Snegilev is not drunk, we know that." It is clear that he did not drink at all today, but he seems drunk... I am always strong, but this is a terrible situation. Karamazov, if I will not delay you, before you go in, you can May I ask you a question?" "What's the matter, Kolya?" Alyosha stopped. “您哥哥有没有犯罪？杀了父亲的是他，还是那个仆人？您说是怎么回事，就一定是怎么回事。我已经有四个晚上没有睡了。一直在想这个问题。” “杀人的是仆人，我哥哥没有罪。”阿廖沙回答。 “我也是这么说的！”小男孩斯穆罗夫突然大声说道。 “这么说来，他是为真理作出了无辜的牺牲！”科利亚大声嚷道，“他虽然作出了牺牲，但他是幸福的！我真羡慕他！” “您说什么呀，怎么能这样，为什么？”惊讶不已的阿廖沙大声说。 “啊，要是我也有机会为真理作出牺牲，那有多好！”科利亚热情洋溢地说。 “但不是在这种事情上，也不能蒙受这样的耻辱，经受这样的痛苦！”阿廖沙说。 “那当然……我情愿为全人类而死，至于耻辱嘛，那是无所谓的：我们的名字也会消亡。我尊敬你的哥哥。” “我也是！”一个小男孩突然出人意料地从人群中叫道，他就是那个当时声称自己知道是谁建立了特洛伊城的小男孩，他大声说这句话以后，就像当时一样，羞得满脸通红，像一朵芍药，一直红到了耳根。 阿廖沙走进房间。那天蓝色的、四周缀着白边的棺材里躺着伊柳沙，他的双手交叉放在胸前；眼睛闭着。他那消瘦的脸庞几乎一点没有改变，而且奇怪的是，尸体几乎没有发出异味。脸上的表情是严肃而沉思的。两只交叉放着的手特别美，好像是大理石雕成的一般。他手里放着鲜花，整个棺材的里里外外都铺满了鲜花，那是丽莎·霍赫拉科娃一清早派人送来的。卡捷琳娜·伊凡诺芙娜也派人送来了鲜花。阿廖沙推门进去的时候，上尉颤抖的手里拿着一束鲜花，正在把它们撒在自己珍爱的男孩子身上。他朝走进来的阿廖沙稍稍瞥了一眼，他不想看任何人，甚至不想看哭哭啼啼、疯疯癫癫的妻子，那当母亲的竭力支起那两条病腿站起来，想走近点看一看自己死去的孩子。孩子们把尼娜奇卡连同她的椅子移到了棺材跟前。她坐在那儿，头紧紧贴着棺材，大概也在轻轻地哭泣。斯涅吉廖夫脸上的神色是兴奋的，但又是迷茫而冷酷的。他的一举一动，他随口说出的那些话都带点神经错乱的味道。“小当家，亲爱的小当家！”——他一面看着伊柳沙，一面不时呼喊着。伊柳沙还活着的时候，他就习惯于亲昵地叫他：“小当家，亲爱的小当家！” “孩子他爹，也给我几朵花儿，从他手里拿过来，喏，就是这朵小白花，给我呀！”疯疯癫癫的“孩子他妈”一边啜泣，一边恳求。她一会儿看中了伊柳沙手里的一朵白玫瑰，一会儿又想从他手里拿一朵花留作纪念，老是不停地折腾，伸着手要拿那朵花。 “谁也不给，什么也不给！”斯涅吉廖夫狠心地大声说，“这是他的花，又不是您的。全是他的，你一朵也没有！” “爸爸，给妈妈一朵花吧！”尼娜奇卡突然抬起了满是泪痕的脸庞。 “我什么也不给，尤其不能给她！她不爱他。她上次要夺他的小炮，他就送给了她。”上尉一想到伊柳沙上次把小炮让给妈妈的事就突然放声大哭。可怜的疯女人双手捂住了脸也在轻轻地啜泣。孩子们终于发现那父亲一直抓住棺材不放，可是时间已经到了，该抬走了，于是一下子将棺材紧紧围住，开始把它抬起来。 “我不愿把他葬在墓地里！”斯涅吉廖夫突然号叫起来，“我要把他葬在那块石头旁边，在我们喜欢的那块石头旁边。伊柳沙是这样嘱咐的。我不让你们抬走！” 在这之前他就连续三天说要把他葬在石头旁边；这时候阿廖沙，克拉索特金，女房东，她的妹妹，所有的男孩们都来劝他。 “真亏他想得出来，哪能葬在不洁的石头旁边，又不是勒死的。”房东太太厉声说，“墓地才是埋葬人的地方。那里可以为他祈祷。听得见教堂里唱赞美诗，教堂执事诵经又清楚又好听，每句话都能传到他那儿，就好像在他坟上诵经一样。” 上尉最后挥了挥手：“抬走吧，随你们抬到哪儿！”孩子们抬起棺材，经过他妈妈身边的时候，在她面前停了一会儿，把棺材放下来，让她和伊柳沙作最后告别。三天来她只能隔着一段距离看儿子，现在一下子很贴近地看到这张可爱的小脸蛋，她开始浑身哆嗦，那白发苍苍的脑袋俯在棺材上面歇斯底里地前后摇晃起来。 “妈妈，替他画十字，祝福他，吻他。”尼娜奇卡对着她叫喊。但她像架自动机器似的，不停地摇晃着脑袋。突然她脸上露出异常悲伤痛苦的神色，开始默默地用拳头捶打自己的胸脯。孩子们抬起棺材继续往前走。经过尼娜奇卡身边时，她最后一次将自己的嘴唇贴在已经死去的弟弟的嘴上。阿廖沙走出屋子的时候，请求房东太太照看留下的人，但她不等他说完就说道： “那还用说吗，我会照看他们的，我们也是基督徒呀。”老太太说着就哭了。 棺材从家里抬到教堂并不远，约三百步光景，不会再多了。这一天天气晴朗，没有风，已经开始结冰，但不很厚。教堂钟声还在响着。斯涅吉廖夫惊慌失措地跟在棺材后面跑，他穿着那件大衣又破旧又短小，几乎像是夏天穿的外衣，光着个脑袋，手里拿着一顶旧的宽边软帽。他好像忙得不可开交，一会儿突然伸出手扶棺材的头部，结果却妨碍了抬棺材的人，一会跑到棺材一侧，想跟他们一起抬。一朵花掉在雪地上，他赶紧跑过去把它捡起来，似乎掉一朵花是件大事情，会引起什么严重后果似的。 “面包皮！面包皮忘记拿了！”他突然惊恐万分地叫了起来。孩子们马上提醒他说，面包皮他刚才已经放进口袋里了。他连忙从口袋里掏出一块面包皮，看了看，这才放心了。 “伊柳沙吩咐过，伊柳沙……”他赶紧向阿廖沙解释，“那天夜里他躺在床上，我守在他身边。突然他叮嘱我：'爸爸，我的墓填上土以后，你在上面撒些面包皮，让麻雀来吃，我一听到它们飞来了，心里会高兴的，因为我不是孤零零一个躺着。'” “这很好，”阿廖沙说，“应该经常去撒。” “每天去，每天都去！”上尉低声说，似乎又来了精神。 大家终于来到了教堂，把棺材停在教堂中央。所有的孩子围在棺材的四周并庄重地一直站到祈祷结束。这座教堂年代久远，已经相当破旧，许多圣像完全没有衣饰，但在这样的教堂里做祷告似乎更好。做弥撒的过程中斯涅吉廖夫似乎变得安静些了，虽然他总还要常常流露出那种不自觉、莫名其妙地忙乱：一会儿走到棺材跟前去掖平盖棺布或放正花圈，看到蜡烛从烛台上掉了下来的时候，又赶紧跑去把它插好，而且要摆弄很长时间。然后才平静下来，安安稳稳地站在棺材前头，脸上露出一副心事重重、似乎困惑不解的神情。读完使徒书之后，他突然悄悄地对站在身边的阿廖沙说，使徒书读得不对，但又说不清不对在什么地方。他开始跟着大家唱天使颂歌，但是还没有唱完就跪下来，用额头贴着教堂的石板地，就这样一直趴了很久。最后，开始举行安魂祈祷，向大家分发了蜡烛。失去理智的父亲又开始忙乱起来，但是那亲切而动人的安魂曲惊醒并震撼了他的心灵。他的整个身体好像突然蜷缩了，并开始频繁而短促地呜咽，起先还强忍着，到后来就失声痛哭了。当大家开始向死者告别并盖上棺材的时候，他双手抱住棺材，好像不许别人把伊柳沙盖起来，不停地狂吻那已经死去的男孩的嘴，久久不愿放开。最后大家终于把他劝住了，扶他走下台阶，突然他又急忙伸出一只手，从棺材里抓了几朵花。他看着这几朵花，好像突然产生了什么新的想法，因而心里暂时忘记了主要的事情。他渐渐陷入了沉思。当大家抬起棺材向坟地走去时，他已经不再阻拦了。坟地不远，就在教堂的围墙旁边，是卡捷琳娜·伊凡诺芙娜花了一大笔钱替他购置的。例行的仪式完毕以后，掘墓人把棺材放入坟墓。斯涅吉廖夫手里拿着鲜花，探身望着敞开的墓穴，他身体倾斜得那么厉害，以致孩子们吓得赶紧抓住他的外衣，拼命把他向后拉。但他却几乎一点也不明白出了什么事。掘墓人开始往墓穴里填土的时候，他突然不放心地指着撒下去的泥土，甚至还说了些什么，但谁也不明白他说的是什么，况且他自己也突然闭口不说了。这时候有人提醒他应该撒面包皮了，他又显得非常慌乱，连忙掏出面包皮，把它掰碎了撒到坟上：“飞来吧，鸟儿，飞来吧，麻雀！”他心事重重地喃喃说。有个孩子对他说，手里拿着花掰撒面包皮不方便，让他暂时把花交给别人。但他没有同意，甚至为这几朵花担心起来，生怕人家要从他手里夺走这几朵花似的。他看了看坟墓，确认一切都已办妥，面包皮也已经撒完，突然出人意料地，甚至若无其事地转身回家去了。他的步子越来越快，越来越急，显得非常匆忙，几乎在一路小跑。孩子们和阿廖沙紧紧跟着他。 “这几朵花要给他妈妈，这几朵花交给他妈妈！他妈妈刚才受委屈了。”他突然开始大喊大叫。有人大声对他说现在天气冷，要把帽子戴上，可是他一听就恶狠狠地把帽子往雪地上一扔，说：“我不要戴帽子，我不要戴帽子！”斯穆罗夫把帽子捡了起来，拿着帽子跟在他后面。所有的孩子一个个都哭了，哭得最伤心的是科利亚和那个知道谁创建了特洛伊的孩子，斯穆罗夫手里拿着上尉的帽子，虽然也哭得很伤心，但还是随手捡了一块露出在雪地里的红色碎砖，朝着一群飞过的麻雀扔去。当然，他没有打中目标，继续一面哭一面跑。走到半路，斯涅吉廖夫突然停住了，在那儿愣了半分钟，突然又转过身，朝着教堂旁边那个被人遗弃的坟墓跑去。但孩子们一下子追上了他，从前后左右抓住了他。这时候他像被人撂倒似的，无力地瘫倒在雪地上，一边挣扎号哭，一边使劲大喊：“小当家，伊柳沙，我亲爱的小当家！”阿廖沙和科利亚走过去扶他起来，安慰他，劝他。 “上尉，别这样，男子汉大丈夫应该挺住。”科利亚喃喃说。 “你会把这些花弄坏的，”阿廖沙也劝他，“'孩子他妈'在等这些花呢，她正坐在家里伤心地哭呢，因为您刚才不肯把伊柳沙的花给她。伊柳沙的床还放在那儿……” “是的，是的，应该回到孩子他妈那儿！”斯涅吉廖夫突然又想起来了，“小床会给搬走的，会搬走的！”他补充说，好像真的害怕小床会被搬走似的。他猛地一跃而起，飞快地朝家里跑去。不过离家已经不远，大家同时跑到了。斯涅吉廖夫急急忙忙推开门，对着刚才还被他痛骂过的妻子大喊大叫。 “孩子他妈，亲爱的，伊柳沙让我把这些花给你送来，你的腿有病！”他一面喊一面把那束已经冻坏、已经被他刚才在雪地里打滚的时候压坏了的花递给她。就在这一刹那间，在伊柳沙床前的墙角里，他看到了伊柳沙的那双靴子，两只靴子并排放着——那是房东老太太刚才收拾在一起的。那是一双褪了颜色、上面打满补丁、皮子变硬了的旧靴子。他一见到这双靴子就举起双手冲了过去，然后跪下来抓起一只靴子，把嘴唇贴在上面，开始狂吻它，嘴里不断地大声喊着：“小当家，伊柳沙，亲爱的小当家，你的那双脚到哪儿去了？” “你把他抬到哪儿去了？你把他抬到哪儿去了？”疯女人用凄厉的声音号叫起来。这时候尼诺奇卡也开始号啕大哭。科利亚从房间里跑了出来，几个孩子也跟着他走了出来。最后阿廖沙也在他们后面走了出来。“让他们痛痛快快地哭个够吧，”他对科利亚说，“这种时候要安慰他们当然是不可能的。我们过一会儿再回来。” “是的，是不可能的，太惨了。”科利亚附和道，“您知道吗，卡拉马佐夫，”他突然压低声音，不想让别人听见，“我很伤心，如果可以使他复活，我愿意献出我的一切！” “唉，我也是这样。”阿廖沙说。 “您看怎么样，卡拉马佐夫，今天晚上我们要不要来？他准会喝醉的。” “也许会喝醉的。只要咱们两个人来就够了，可以陪他们坐一个小时，陪陪尼诺奇卡和她母亲，要是我们一下子都来，他们会触景生情的。”阿廖沙建议说。 “现在女房东在他们家里往桌子上搬吃的，说不定是要举行葬后宴，神甫也会来的；我们现在要不要回到那儿去呢，卡拉马佐夫？” “当然要回去。”阿廖沙说。 “这种事情多奇怪，卡拉马佐夫，这样悲伤的时候，突然又要吃什么煎饼，我们的宗教仪式太不自然了！” “一会儿他们还要吃鲑鱼呢。”那个知道特洛伊城历史的孩子突然大声说。 “我严肃地请求您，卡尔塔绍夫，再也不要用您那些蠢话来乱插嘴，特别是人家不跟您讲话，甚至根本不想知道世界上有没有您这个人的时候。”科利亚生气地打断他说。那男孩一下满脸通红，但他一点也不敢顶撞。这时候大家都在小路上慢慢走着，突然斯穆罗夫大声嚷道： “这就是伊柳沙的那块石头，原来打算把他埋葬在这里的！” 大家默默地在这块大石头旁边停住了脚步，阿廖沙看了看，脑海里不由得一下子回想起斯涅吉廖夫所说的那些情景：伊柳沙拥抱着父亲哭喊着：“爸爸，爸爸，他太欺侮你了！” 他心底里好像有什么东西在剧烈地颤动。他带着严肃庄重的神情扫视了一下伊柳沙的同学们可爱明朗的脸庞，突然对他们说： “诸位，我想在这里，就在这个地方，对你们讲几句话。” 孩子们围住他，马上用专注、期待的目光看着他。 “诸位，我们很快就要分别了。我现在暂时还要陪我两个哥哥住一些时间，其中一个就要去流放，另一个正处在死亡的边缘。但我很快也要离开这所城市，也许长久地离开。现在我们就快要分别了，诸位。让我们在这里，在伊柳沙的石头旁边约定，第一，我们永远不要忘记伊柳沙，第二，我们彼此不要忘记。无论以后我们的生活中发生什么情况，哪怕将来我们二十年不见面，但我们一定要记住我们埋葬这可怜的孩子的情景，过去我们曾向他扔过石块，就在小桥旁边，大家还记得吗？而后来我们大家又非常爱他。他是一个非常好的孩子，善良而勇敢的孩子，他因为父亲的名誉和人格受到了侮辱而感到痛苦，因此才起来反抗。所以，第一，我们大家一辈子都要记住他。即使我们忙于最重要的大事，获得了崇高的声望，或者遭到了巨大的不幸——你们永远都不能忘记，我们在这里时是多么和谐，我们齐心协力，被一种美好和善良的感情联结在一起，正是这种感情使我们在热爱这可怜的孩子的时候也许变得比实际上更加高尚。我的小鸽子们——请允许我这样称呼你们——因为你们大家都很像鸽子，很像这些可爱的灰蓝色小鸟。此时此刻，我看着你们一张张善良、可爱的脸庞，我亲爱的孩子们，也许你们还听不懂我要对你们说的话，因为我的话往往不太好懂，但你们还是要记住，将来有朝一日会同意我的话的。你们一定要知道，再也没有比美好的回忆，尤其是童年生活，在父母身边时留下的回忆更加高尚、更加强烈、更加健康、对日后的生活更加有益的了。现在人们对你们大谈教育你们的事，可是童年时代保存下来的那种美好而神圣的回忆，也许就是最好的教育。如果一个人能把这许许多多美好的回忆带到生活中去，那这个人就一辈子得救了。即使我们的内心只保留着一个美好的回忆，那么也许今后也会使我们得到拯救。也许我们以后会成为凶恶的人，甚至保不住干些伤天害理的坏事，嘲笑人们的眼泪，嘲笑那些像科利亚刚才所说的'我要为所有人受苦'的人，也许会对这些人狠狠地加以挖苦和讽刺。可是不管我们有多么凶恶——愿上帝保佑我们千万别成为这样的恶人，但只要我们想起我们是怎样埋葬伊柳沙，在他最后的日子里我们怎样热爱他，我们现在一起站在这块石头旁怎样友爱地谈话，那么即使我们中间最残忍的人，最爱嘲弄的人——如果我们变成了这样的人，也总还不敢在内心对他在此刻曾经是多么美好善良这一点加以嘲笑的！不仅如此，也许正是这种回忆会阻止他去干出罪大恶极的勾当，也许会使他幡然醒悟，也许他会说：'是的，我曾经是非常善良、勇敢和诚实的人。 '即使他暗自嘲笑，那也没有关系，一个人往往会嘲笑善良和美好的东西；这只是因为他轻狂；但我要告诉你们，诸位，他嘲笑之后，马上就会在心里说：'不，我这样嘲笑是很不好的，因为这是不允许嘲笑的！ '" “一定会这样的，卡拉马佐夫，我理解您，卡拉马佐夫！”科利亚大声说道，眼睛闪闪发亮。孩子们都很激动，大家都想说点什么，但忍住了，只是全神贯注而又充满感情地看着这位演讲的人。 “我这样说是因为我担心我们将来可能变成坏人，”阿廖沙继续说下去，“为什么连我们也要变成坏人呢，诸位？我们首先应该善良，这是第一位的，其次应该诚实，最后应该永远互相记住。这是我要反复强调的。我要向你们保证，诸位，你们中间的任何人我决不会忘记，此刻看着我的每一张脸我都会记住的，哪怕是在三十年以后。刚才科利亚对卡尔塔绍夫说，似乎我们不想知道'世界上有没有他这个人？'难道我能够忘记世界上有这个卡尔塔绍夫吗？他现在不会再像当初说出特洛伊城创建者的时候那样脸红了，而是用他那双非常美丽、善良而快活的眼睛看着我。诸位，亲爱的先生们，让我们大家像伊柳沙那样宽容和勇敢，像科利亚那样聪明、勇敢和宽容（他长大以后会更加聪明的），还要像卡尔塔绍夫那样羞怯，但是聪明而可爱。干吗我只讲他们俩啊！诸位，从此以后你们大家对我来说都是可爱的，我会把你们大家都装在我的心里，我也请你们把我装在你们心里！那么，是谁用这种善良美好的感情把我们联结在一起的，使我们准备一辈子铭记不忘并且也一定不会忘记的呢？那个就是善良、可爱、我们永远珍惜的伊柳沙这个孩子！我们永远不能忘记他，他的美好形象将永远铭刻在我们心里！” “对！对！永远！永远！”所有的孩子都用清脆的嗓音喊着，脸上露出了大为感动的神情。 “我们会记住他的脸，他的衣服，他那双可怜的靴子，他的棺材，他那不幸而有罪的父亲，以及他为了父亲而勇敢地起来反抗全班的同学！” “我们会记住的，会记住的！”孩子们又是大声喊道，“他是勇敢的，他是善良的！” “啊，我是多么爱他！”科利亚叫道。 “孩子们啊，亲爱的朋友们，你们不要害怕生活！如果你做了什么高尚、正义的事，那生活显得多么美好啊！” “是的，是的。”孩子们热情地附和说。 “卡拉马佐夫，我们爱您！”有一个声音忍不住喊了出来，好像是卡尔塔绍夫。 “我们爱您，我们爱您。”大家都跟着说。许多孩子的眼睛里闪烁着泪花。 “乌拉！卡拉马佐夫！”科利亚欣喜若狂地喊道。 “伊柳沙永垂不朽！”阿廖沙动情地补充说。 “永垂不朽！”孩子们又附和说。 “卡拉马佐夫！”科利亚喊道，“宗教说我们死后都能重新复活，彼此能重新见面，重新看见所有的人，也能重新见到伊柳沙，难道这是真的吗？” “我们一定能复活的，彼此一定会见面的，大家一定会高高兴兴地互相诉说过去的一切。”阿廖沙半是打趣，半是兴奋地回答。 “啊，那有多好啊！”科利亚脱口而出。 “好了，现在我们结束谈话，一起去参加他们的葬后宴吧。你们也不要因为吃煎饼而感到不好意思。这是一种古老、永恒的习俗，这中间也有美好的东西！”阿廖沙笑着说，“好，我们走吧！让我们手拉着手一起走吧！” “让我们永远这样，一辈子手拉着手！乌拉，卡拉马佐夫！”科利亚再一次欣喜若狂地大声欢呼，所有的孩子也跟着他欢呼起来。