Chapter 14 Volume II Brother Ivan Fedorovich

Alyosha went to see Grushenka at the house of the merchant's widow Morozova on Church Square.She sent Fenya to him early in the morning, insisting that he should come to her once.After he asked Fenya in detail, he found out that the young lady had been particularly panicked since yesterday.During the two months since Mitya's arrest Alyosha had frequently visited the Morozova's for personal reasons or at Mitya's request.Two or three days after Mitya's arrest Grushenka fell seriously ill, and remained there for almost five weeks.For a whole week she lay unconscious.Her complexion had changed greatly, and she was thin and yellow, although she had been able to walk around for nearly two weeks.But her face seemed to Alyosha to grow more attractive, and he liked to see her eyes every time he went in to see her.There seemed to be a firm, enlightened look in her eyes, something of a spiritual transformation, of an unwavering, meek, beautiful, unwavering determination.A thin vertical line formed on the forehead between the two crescent eyebrows, giving a brooding, almost austere expression to her lovely face.The original frivolous look was gone.Alyosha found it strange that despite all the misfortunes befalling this poor woman, just when she was determined to get married, her fiancé was arrested for committing a heinous crime, even though she gave birth to another child Even with a serious illness and now the inevitable court verdict looming, Grushenka has not lost her youthful vigor.There is a kind of peaceful look in her originally proud eyes, although... Although, occasionally, an ominous spark will be ignited in these eyes, which is not only not weakened, but continuously strengthened. When the worry touched her heart.The object of her anxiety was the same: Katerina Ivanovna.Grushenka even mentioned her when he was talking nonsense in his illness.Alyosha understood that she was jealous for Mitya, for Mitya in prison, although Katerina Ivanovna never once visited him in prison, and she could have done so at any time. to visit.All this posed a problem for Alyosha, because Grushenka opened her heart to him alone and was constantly asking for his opinion, while he sometimes had nothing to say to her.

He walked into her apartment worriedly.She had gone home, half an hour had passed since her visit to Mitya.Judging by how quickly she jumped up from the chair behind the desk to meet him, she was waiting impatiently for him.There were cards spread out on the table in what appeared to be a game of "catch the fool."There was a mattress on the leather sofa next to the table, and Maximov was half lying there in a nightgown and a pointed cotton cap, obviously sick and weak, although he smiled sweetly.The little homeless old man had been living with Grushenka from Mokroe two months before, and had not left a step.He came back here with her through the heavy rain and mud, completely soaked and frightened, sitting on the sofa, watching her silently, with a timid and pleading smile on his face.Grushenka was so sad and feverish that he was so busy at home that he almost forgot about him for the first half hour, and finally he looked at him suddenly: he looked at him pitifully and bewilderedly. She giggled.She ordered Fenya to bring him something to eat, and he sat there all day, almost motionless; and it was not until after dark that the shutters were closed that Fenya asked his mistress:

"Why, miss, did he stay here for the night?" "Yes, put him on the sofa," replied Grushenka. After Grushenka questioned him in more detail, he realized that he really had nowhere to go now, "My benefactor, Mr. Karganov, simply told me that he would no longer take me in from now on, and he gave me five Rubles." "Well, God bless you, then you stay," said Grushenka resignedly, smiling at him sympathetically.Her smile touched the old man so much that his lips trembled and he wept with gratitude.From then on, this wandering eater stayed in her home.He didn't even leave during her illness.Fenya and her mother, Grushenka's cook, did not turn him away, but continued to feed him and spread his bedding on the sofa.Afterwards Grushenka got used to him too, and every time she came back from Mitya's (she was a little sick and visited him before she was completely well), she sat down and chatted with "Maximoshka" just to amuse herself, Don't think about sad things.In fact, the little old man was very good at talking sometimes, and later even became her indispensable person.Grushenka received hardly anyone except Alyosha.Alyosha did not come every day, and the time with her was not always very long.The old merchant was already very ill, "dying to die," as the town said.He did indeed die a week after Mitya was sentenced.Three weeks before his death, feeling that he was dying, he called his son, wife, and grandchildren upstairs, and bade them never to leave him again.He made a strict rule that the servants should never let Grushenka in again, and if she came, they should say to her: "He wishes you a happy life and a long life, and forget him completely." But Grushenka Almost every day someone was sent to inquire about his condition.

"You're here at last!" She threw down her cards and greeted Alyosha cheerfully. "Maximoschka threatened me that you probably wouldn't come. Oh, how I need you! Come to the table. Would you like something to drink, coffee?" "Yes," said Alyosha, sitting down at the table, "I am very hungry." "Really, Fenya, Fenya, bring me some coffee!" cried Grushenka. "My coffee is already brewed, and I am waiting for you. Bring the pies, too, hot. Don't worry, Alyosha, there was a quarrel over these pies today. I will bring I went to see him in prison with a pie, but he, believe it or not, threw the pie back at me and refused to eat it. He also threw a piece of pie on the ground and trampled it to pieces. I said:' I'll leave the pie with the guards, and if you don't eat it by night, you'll eat your vicious resentment!' And I went away. Believe it or not, we quarreled again. We quarreled as soon as we met. "

Grushenka brought all these things up excitedly.Makmov was frightened when he heard this, and immediately lowered his eyes and smiled apologetically. "Why did you quarrel this time?" asked Alyosha. "I didn't expect that at all! Come to think of it, he was jealous of the original man. He said, 'Why did you support him? So you started supporting him?' He was jealous all the time, he was eating me Jealousy! I was jealous when I was eating and sleeping. I was even jealous for Kuzma once last week." "It turns out that he doesn't know about that person's situation?"

"Do you think it's strange? He knew the situation from the beginning until today, but today he suddenly stood up and cursed people. He was ashamed to say what he said. Fool! As soon as I came out, Rakitin went in to see He's gone. Perhaps Rakitin is provoking it, isn't it? What do you think?" she added, as if casually. "He loves you, that's all. He loves you very much. Now he's just mad." "How can he not be angry? The court is going to be tomorrow. I'm going to tell him about tomorrow, Alyosha. I can't even imagine what will happen tomorrow. You say he's angry, but don't you?" I know I'm more annoyed than he is. He's talking about the Pole! What a fool! Probably he's only jealous of Maximoszka."

"My wife used to be very jealous," Maximov interrupted. "How can I be jealous of you?" Grushenka couldn't help laughing, "Whose jealousy?" "Those young maids." "Oh, stop it, Maximoska, I'm not in the mood for jokes now, I hate it. Don't stare at those pies, I won't give you any, it's bad for your health, No more herbal wine for you. You see, you have to worry about his business now; I'm like a nursing home here, really." She laughed. "I am not worthy of your gift, I am an insignificant person," said Maximov, almost crying, "you might as well give your gift to those who are more useful than me."

"Well, everyone is useful, Maximoska, how do you know one person is more useful than another. Even if the Pole hadn't been there, Alyosha, he would be very jealous today. I am alone I went to the Pole. You see, now I'm going to send him pies on purpose. I didn't, but Mitya insisted that I did, and now I want to, on purpose! Well, Fenya has come in with a letter! Sure enough, it's from a Pole again, and begging for money again!" Mr. Musjalovitch did send a long and, as usual, flowery letter, in which he asked to lend him three rubles.A receipt was attached to the letter stating that it must be returned within three months, signed by Frublewski.Grushenka had already received many such letters and receipts from her "old" lover.It all started two weeks ago, when Grushenka was just recovering from illness.But she knew that during her illness, two Poles often came to inquire about her condition.The first letter Grushenka received was very long, written on large sheets of letterhead, and stamped with the family coat of arms. Half of it was thrown away, not knowing what it meant at all.Besides, she was not in the mood to read any letters at the time.Then, the next day came another letter, in which Musjarovich asked for a short-term loan of two thousand rubles.Grushenka also ignored the letter.Then came letters one after another, one a day, all solemn and flowery, but the amount of the loan gradually decreased, until it reached a hundred rubles, twenty-five rubles, ten rubles, and finally Grushenka suddenly received A letter in which two Poles borrowed him only one ruble, with a receipt signed by both.Then Grushenka felt a sudden pity, and at dusk she went to see the Pole herself.It turned out that the two Poles were in extreme poverty, practically penniless, without food, firewood, or cigarettes, and owed a great deal to their landlady.The two hundred rubles won from Mitya at Mokroye had long since been spent.But Grushenka found it strange that the two Poles still acted arrogantly when they saw her, and they paid attention to red tape and boasted.Grushenka just laughed, and gave ten rubles to her former lover, who told Mitya about it, and laughed as she said it, and Mitya was not the least bit jealous.But from then on, the two Poles clung to Grushenka, writing to her every day to borrow money, and she gave a little each time.But today Mitya suddenly became jealous.

"I'm so stupid. When I went to see Mitya, I also went to see my former Pole for a minute, because he was also sick," Grushenka began to hurry again. said, "Laughing, I told Mitya about it, and I said: 'Just think, my Pole thinks I'm going to be very upset if he wants to play the guitar and sing me the old songs. I was moved and married him.' But Mitya jumped up and cursed at the sound...I can't do this, I must send pies to the Poles! Fenya, did they send that girl? How about that? Give her three rubles and ten pies, wrap them in paper, and tell him to take them home. And you, Alyosha, go and tell Mitya that I sent them pies!"

"I will never tell," said Alyosha, smiling. "Oh, do you think he will be in pain? He is deliberately pretending to be jealous, but in fact he doesn't care at all." Grushenka said sadly. "How is it on purpose?" Alyosha asked. "You're so stupid, Alyosha, that's the way it is, and though you have a brain, you don't know anything about such things, that's the way it is. I won't be offended if he's jealous of a woman like me. I am not jealous, then I will be angry instead. I am such a person. I will never be angry because I am jealous. I am hard-hearted and I am jealous. What makes me angry is that he does not love at all Me, now he's pretending to be jealous, that's all. Am I blind, can't you see? He used to tell me about Katya, that she was like that, that she had invited someone from Moscow. A doctor testified for him in court, intending to save him, and hired a first-class and most knowledgeable lawyer. Since he praised her in front of me, and praised her with those shameless eyes, it shows that he is Love her! He did something sorry for me himself, but instead came to pester me, saying that I had already sorry him, and then put the blame on me alone, he would say: 'Before me, you and Poland There is a relationship between people, so now I can also associate with Katya.’ That’s it! He wanted to put the blame on me alone. He wanted to pester me on purpose, I tell you, he did it on purpose, but I ..."

Grushenka did not finish what would happen to her, but covered her eyes with her handkerchief, and burst into tears. "He doesn't love Katerina Ivanovna," said Alyosha firmly. "I'll find out soon myself whether he loves him or not," said Grushenka sharply, taking the handkerchief from her eyes.Her face changed.Alyosha was sad to see that the original meek and peaceful face suddenly became gloomy and full of malice. "Don't talk about such stupid things!" she said suddenly and abruptly. "That's not what I called you to talk about. Alyosha, my dear, what will happen tomorrow, tomorrow? That's what worries me. And it's only me." One person is worried! I found that none of you thought about it, and everyone thought it had nothing to do with you. Have you ever thought about it? Isn’t the court going to be held tomorrow! Tell me, how will they judge him? This is That servant, it was the servant who killed it, the servant! My God! Is he supposed to stand trial instead of the servant, and no one will come out to defend him? They didn't touch the servant at all, did they?" "He was carefully questioned," said Alyosha thoughtfully, "but it was agreed that he was not responsible. Now he is very ill. He has been ill since the seizure. He is indeed ill. ' added Alyosha. "My God, you'd better go to the lawyer yourself and explain to him the whole story. It is said that he was brought here from Petersburg for three thousand rubles." "The three of us paid three thousand together, I, Ivan and Katerina, and she brought the doctor from Moscow for two thousand rubles. Lawyer Fechukovich would have asked for more, but this This case has caused a sensation all over Russia, and all the newspapers and magazines are talking about it. Fetyukovitch probably came here to make a name for himself, and the case is too big. I saw him yesterday." "How? Did you tell him?" Grushenka hurriedly asked. "He heard and said nothing. He said he had already made up his mind. But he promised to take my word into consideration." "What's consideration! Oh, they're liars! They'll ruin him! But the doctor, why did she have the doctor?" "As an expert. They want to believe that my brother has gone mad and killed someone in a state of insanity," Alyosha smiled calmly, "but my brother doesn't agree." "Oh, if he really did, it must be so!" exclaimed Grushenka. "He must have been crazy at the time, completely crazy, and it was all the fault of me, a dirty woman! But he really didn't kill anyone, he didn't kill anyone! Now everyone says he killed someone, everyone in the city says so. Even Fenny Ya testified like this, as if he had killed someone. And those people in the shop, and the official, they all said so, and everyone heard him say that he was going to kill someone in the tavern before! Accusing him is all talking nonsense." "Yes, there are more and more testimonies," said Alyosha sullenly. "And that Grigory, Grigory Vasilyevich, who also insisted that the door was open, that he saw it with his own eyes, will not change his mind, I went to see Him, talked to him personally. He's still swearing!" "Yes, this may be the strongest evidence against my brother," said Alyosha. "As for Mitya's madness, that's exactly what he is now," said Grushenka suddenly, with a peculiarly worried and mysterious expression. "You know, Alyosha, I've been meaning to tell you for a long time: I see him every day, and I'm always amazed. Tell me what you think: what is he talking about now? Talking and talking--and I didn't understand anything, and I thought he was talking about some deep stuff, and I thought I was too stupid to understand. He suddenly started talking about the child for no reason, talking about He picked up a child. He said: "Why is the child so pitiful? For the sake of the child, I am willing to be sent to Siberia. I didn't kill anyone, but I should go to Siberia!" What's going on? What's going on with that child? —I don’t understand at all. When he said it, I cried, because he told it so well, and he cried himself, and I cried too, and suddenly he kissed me and made the sign of the sign of the sign of the sign of the cross with his hand, which What's the matter, Alyosha? Tell me, what's the matter with the 'child'?" "It's because Rakitin often goes to see him," Alyosha said with a smile, "but...it's not because of Rakitin. I didn't see him yesterday, but I'm going today." "No, it has nothing to do with Rakitin. It's his brother Ivan Fyodorovitch who is bothering him, and that's the problem..." Grushenka stopped suddenly.Alyosha stared at her with wide-eyed surprise. "Why did he go? Did he go to see him? Mitya himself told me that Ivan never went there." "Ah... ah, what a person I am! I slipped up!" Grushenka said loudly, blushing in embarrassment. "Don't worry, Alyosha, don't tell me, since I've slipped, I'll tell the whole truth: he has been to him twice, the first time when he came back—he I went to see him right after I got back from Moscow, before I fell ill, and the second time was a week ago. He won't let Mitya tell you about it, he won't tell you, he won't tell anyone , he went in secret." Alyosha sat there lost in thought, thinking of something.The news evidently took him by surprise. "Brother Ivan never talked to me about the case against Mitya," he said slowly. "He hasn't spoken to me for the past two months, and every time I visit him, he doesn't Glad, so I haven't seen him for three weeks. Well...if he'd been a week ago, then...during this week something has really changed in Mitya...' "It's changed, it's changed!" Grushenka went on hastily, "they have a secret, they have a secret! Mitya told me that there was a secret between them, and you know, this secret makes Mitya restless He was a very happy man, and he is still very happy, but you know, once he started shaking his head and pacing up and down the room and rubbing the hair on his temple with his right finger, I knew there must be something in him Don't worry... I know him so well! He was a merry man before, and he is merry today!" "But didn't you just say he was angry?" "He was angry, but very happy again. He was always angry, but only for a while, then he was happy again, and then he suddenly became angry again. You know, Alyosha, I think he is a strange person: there is nothing in front of him. Terrible things awaited him, and he sometimes laughed at trivial things as if he were a child." "Did he really not let you tell me about Ivan? Did he really say: 'Don't tell me'?" I'm afraid of you. Because there's a secret here, as he himself said... Alyosha, my dear, go and find out: what's their secret, come back and tell me," Grushenka suddenly jumped up and begged. "You reassure me, poor woman, of my accursed fate! That is why I have called you." "Do you think this secret is related to you? In this case, he won't talk about this secret in front of you. " "I don't know. Maybe he wanted to tell me, but he didn't dare. He gave a warning. He said there was a secret, and he didn't say what it was." "What do you think of yourself?" "What do I think? I'm done, that's what I think. My ending was prepared by the three of them, because Katya was involved. It was all Katya's idea, and she was the culprit. He always said she was like this That, that is to say, I am not very good. He forewarned me, forewarned me. He wanted to abandon me, and that was the whole secret! There were three of them—Mitya, Katya, and Ivan I planned it together. Alyosha, I wanted to ask you a long time ago: a week ago he suddenly revealed to me that Ivan was in love with Katya because he often went to her. Was he telling me the truth? ? If you speak with conscience, you must tell the truth." "I won't lie to you. Ivan is not in love with Katerina Ivanovna, I think so." "That's what I thought at the time. He was lying to me, this shameless thing, that's what happened! Now he is jealous of me and wants to put the blame on me in the future. He is a fool, he will not put his tail Hidden, he can't put anything in his stomach... But I must show him some color! He said: 'You believe that I killed a man.' How dare he say such things to me, how dare he use this to blame me God bless him! Just wait and see, I'll give Katya a hard time in court! Then there's a crucial sentence I'm going to say in court... and I'll tell everything!" She cried sadly again. "I can tell you clearly now, Grushenka," said Alyosha, standing up, "first, he loves you, and you are the one he loves most in this world, and you are the only one he loves. You have to believe me. I know it. I know it very well. Second, I want to tell you that I don't want to ask him for any secrets. If he tells me today, then I will tell him straight up that I have promised I want to tell you, in that case I will tell you today. Only... I don't think... that Katerina Ivanovna has anything to do with it. The secret has something else to do with it. It must be so. I It seems to me that this matter has nothing to do with Katerina Ivanovna. And now I'm leaving!" Alyosha shook her hand.Grushenka was still weeping.He could see that she didn't quite believe his comforting words, but fortunately she spoke out the pain in her heart and got vent.He could not bear to leave her like this, but he was anxious to go.There are many things waiting for him. The first thing he had to do was to go to Mrs. Hohlakov's, and he hurried there, trying to get things done as quickly as possible before he went to see Mitya.Mrs. Hohlakova had been ill for three weeks: one of her legs was somehow swollen.Although she is not yet bedridden, she can only wear beautiful and decent casual clothes during the day and recline on the couch in the small living room.Alyosha once noticed that Madame Hokhlakov, despite her illness, was beginning to dress herself up: she had put on a headdress, a bow, and a cardigan, and he could not help but secretly amused him, although he tried to dispel it. A silly thought, but he figured out why she did it after all.During the last two months that young man, Perkhokin, had been visiting Khokhlakova frequently, among other guests.Alyosha had not been here for four or five days, and as soon as he came in today he was anxious to see Lisa directly, because he wanted to see her.Lisa sent a maid to his house yesterday, imploring him to go there immediately, saying that there was a very important matter to discuss.For some reason, this interested Alyosha.But when the maid went in to announce to Lisa, Madame Hohlakov had already heard of his arrival from someone else, and she sent at once to ask him to come to her "for a while."Alyosha thought about it, and decided that it was better to meet his mother's request first, otherwise Lisa would keep sending people to call him when he went to her place.Mrs. Hohlakov was half lying on the couch, dressed as if for the holidays, and was obviously in a state of nervous excitement.She greeted Alyosha with a cry of ecstasy. "I haven't seen you for centuries, centuries, centuries! It's been a whole week, oh, sorry, you came four days ago, on Wednesday? You came to see Lisa , I believe you intend to sneak straight up to her on tiptoe so that I won't hear you. Dear, dear Alexei Fyodorovitch, you don't know how much she worries me! But I'll talk about it later. Although this is the most important thing, let's talk about it later. Dear Alexei, I entrust my Lisa to you. After the death of the elder Zosima - may God give him the soul Peace! (she makes the sign of the sign of the cross) - after him I regard you as an ascetic, though you are very handsome in this new suit. Where did you find such a good tailor? No, no, that is not the main thing I'll talk about that later. Please forgive me, I sometimes call you Alyosha, I'm an old woman, and I can call you whatever I want." She smiled coquettishly. "But that's for later. The main thing is that I don't forget the main thing. If I digress please remind me, and you say: 'And what is the main thing?' Well, how do I know what is the main thing now Ever since the day Lisa withdrew her promise to you, Alexei Fyodorovitch, childish promise to marry you, you have of course understood that all this is nothing more than a long-term wheelchair The naughty fantasies of a sick little girl on the Internet—but, thank God, she can walk now. The new doctor, whom Katya had brought from Moscow for the unfortunate Mitya, brother Tomorrow...why should I mention tomorrow! I'm dying to think about tomorrow. Mostly out of curiosity...Anyway, the doctor came to my house yesterday and examined Lisa... I gave him fifty rubles for the consultation. But that's off topic, off topic again... You see, I'm completely confused now. I'm in a hurry. Why should I be in a hurry? I don't know, I'm almost I don't understand anything. Everything is in a mess in my head. I'm afraid you'll get bored and leave me soon, but I just saw you. Oh my God! Why are we sitting like this , first a cup of coffee, Yulia, Glafira, bring the coffee!" Alyosha hastened to thank him and declared that he had just had coffee. "Who did you drink at?" "With Agrafena Alexandrovna." "So... it was at that woman's house! Alas, she made everyone suffer, but I don't know. I heard that she became a saint, but it was too late. It would be better before What's the use of it now when it's necessary? Don't tell me, Alexey Fyodorovitch, because I have so much to say, and I can't seem to understand a single thing. That's terrible. The trial... I must go, I am getting ready, I will be carried in a chair, and I will be able to sit, I will be accompanied, and, as you know, I am a witness. What shall I say, what shall I say! I don't know what to say. You still have to take an oath, don't you?" "Yes, but I think you may not be able to go." "I could sit there, oh, you've got me confused! This trial, this barbarity, these people are going to be sent to Siberia in the future, some of them will be able to marry, and all this will be over soon, soon , everything is changing, and in the end it's nothing, everyone is old and old, and they are about to go to the coffin. Let it go, I have seen enough. That Katya, that beautiful girl, she smashed my All hope: now she is going to Siberia with one of your brothers, and your other brother is following her and settling down in a neighboring city. You torture me and I torture you. I am mad mainly because this matter is now full of excitement: all the Petersburg and Moscow newspapers have written about it a thousand times and ten thousand times, alas, just think, they have included me, saying that I am Ling Brother's 'close friend', I really don't want to say this ugly word, think about it, think about it!" "Impossible! Where is it published? How is it written?" "I'll show you right away. I received it yesterday—I read it yesterday. It's in the Petersburg Gazette, which was published this year, and I like it very much." Hearing the rumors, I ordered a copy, and it turned out to be my own head. You can see what kind of rumors they are. It’s on this edition, here, you can read it.” She handed Alyosha a newspaper which was lying under her pillow. I can't say she was very sad, but she seemed distraught, and maybe everything in her head was really messed up.The report in the newspaper was very distinctive, and of course it was very exciting to her, but fortunately she couldn't concentrate on one thing at the time, so she forgot about the newspaper for a while, and her attention was completely shifted to other things. things.As for the fame of this dreadful case that had spread throughout Russia, Alyosha knew that, and, by God!How many strange news and reports he had read during these two months about his brother, about the Karamazovs, about himself, besides some honest reports!One newspaper even said that he had accepted the ascetic commandment after his brother's crime, and practiced behind closed doors; box, 'fleeing with the money'.Now the headline of the story in the newspaper Rumor reads: "Reports from Skotopolgoniyevsk (ah, that's the name of our small town, I kept it a secret for a long time): about Karamazov case".The report was short, did not mention Mrs. Hohlakov at all, and all names were withheld.The report only stated that the criminal in this nationally sensational case was a retired lieutenant, a complete rogue, lazy by nature, and a serf owner who was often courteous and had a special attraction to certain "lonely and difficult wives."There was a "rich widow who lives alone in a vacant house", whose daughter, although she was an adult, was still as romantic as before. She was fascinated by him, and just two hours before he committed the crime, she promised to give him three thousand rubles and asked him to join her immediately. Elope to the gold mines.But this villain would rather kill his father, take away three thousand rubles from Naifu, and get away with it, rather than take that half-aged woman with an empty bed to suffer in Siberia.This embellished report ends, as usual, with a noble indignation at the insane crime of father's murder and at the long-abolished serfdom.Alyosha read the report curiously, folded the newspaper, and returned it to Mrs. Hohlakova. "Isn't this an allusion to me?" she muttered again, "Is this me? I suggested to him to find a gold mine almost an hour ago, and suddenly a coquettish 'mature lady' appeared. Could it be Did I do it for this purpose? He said it on purpose! If the Eternal Judge forgives him, but know that this is... do you know who did it? It was your friend Rakitin." "Perhaps it was him," said Alyosha, "but I have never heard of it." "It's him, it must be him, it can't be someone else! You must know that I drove him away... Don't you know what happened?" "I know you asked him not to come to the door again, but what is the reason, this... at least I haven't heard you say it." "So you listened to him! What did he say, he scolded me, did he scold me badly?" “是的，他骂人了，不过他什么人都骂。至于您为什么拒绝他上门——我倒没有听他说过。而且一般地说我很少和他见面。我们并不是朋友。” “那好，我把这件事全都告诉您，我现在也很后悔，但是没有办法，因为这里有一条界线，在处理这条界线方面也许我自己也有错。这条界线不明显，很不明显，因此，也许它根本就不存在。您要知道，我亲爱的阿廖沙，”霍赫拉科娃太太突然做出一副快活的样子，嘴角上闪过一丝迷人而诡秘的微笑，“您要知道，我怀疑……请您原谅我，阿廖沙，我像母亲那样对待您……啊，不，不，正相反，我把您当做是我的神甫……因为像母亲那样在这里就太不合适了……反正就像向佐西马长老忏悔那样，这样说最准确，也是最合适的，刚才我不是还说您是苦行僧吗。就是那个可怜的年轻人，您的朋友拉基京（噢，天哪，我对他简直无法生气！我又气又恨，但不那么厉害），总之，您简直无法想象这个轻浮的年轻人突然心血来潮，好像爱上我了。我是在后来，直到后来才觉察到的，但开始时，也就是大约在一个月之前吧，他开始更为频繁地到我这儿来，几乎是天天来，虽然原来我们就认识。我还什么都不知道……可突然我恍然大悟，说来真奇怪，我竟开始觉察到了。您知道，在两个月以前我就已经开始接待那位谦虚、可爱、值得尊敬的年轻人，彼得·伊里奇·佩尔霍金，他是本地的一位官员。您自己也见过他好多次了。他是个严肃正派的人，是吗？他每三天来一次，并不是天天来（哪怕天天来也没关系），总是衣冠楚楚，阿廖沙，我就喜欢像您这样有才华而又谦虚的年轻人，而他几乎具有国务活动家的头脑，他讲话娓娓动听，我一定，一定要替他推荐。这是未来的外交家。他在可怕的那一天，深更半夜到我家里来，几乎把我从死神手里救了出来。可是您的朋友拉基京总是穿着那样的靴子进来，在地毯上蹭来蹭去……总之，他开始向我作出种种暗示，突然有一次临走时他拼命紧紧握住我的手，自从他握了我的手以后，我的一条腿就突然痛得要命。他原先在我家里也遇到过彼得·伊里奇，您信不信，他总是对他冷嘲热讽，一直是冷嘲热讽，一有什么便冲着他大声呵斥，我只是瞅着他们交锋，而心里却感到好笑。突然有一天，我正一个人坐在那里，不对，当时我已经躺下了，我一个人正躺在那里，米哈伊尔·伊凡诺维奇突然来了，您想想，他还带来了他写的一首小诗，非常短，题目就是我的那条病腿，就是用诗描写我的那条病腿。您等等，他是这样写的： “玉腿啊，玉腿， “稍稍有点疼痛…… “下面还有，可我无论如何也记不住诗，这首诗还在我这里，我以后给您看，写得太美了，太美了，而且，您要知道，不仅写腿，还有道德教诲，美好的理想，不过我忘记了，总之，简直可以收入诗集。我自然表示感谢，他显得非常得意。我还没有来得及说完道谢的话，彼得·伊里奇突然走了进来，米哈伊尔·伊凡诺维奇的脸色一下子阴沉下来。我发现彼得·伊里奇妨碍了他，因为米哈伊尔·伊凡诺维奇献诗以后一定有什么话要对我说，这我已经预感到了，可是这时候彼得·伊里奇走了进来。我马上把这首诗给彼得·伊里奇看，但没有说是谁写的。我深信，我坚信他立刻就猜到了，虽然他至今还不承认，他说他没有猜到；这是他故意这样说的。彼得·伊里奇立刻哈哈大笑，接着就批评起来。他说这种蹩脚的歪诗是一个中学生写的，而且您要知道，他言辞是多么激烈，多么激烈呀！这时候您那位朋友不是一笑了之，相反，却暴跳如雷……天哪，我那时认为他们要打起来了。他说：'这是我写的。我是写着玩的，因为我认为写诗是下流的事情……不过我的诗写得很好。普希金写了赞美女人玉腿的诗，你们便要给他造纪念碑，而我的诗是有倾向性的。您自己是农奴制的拥护者，您没有一点人道主义精神，对现代文明毫无感受！社会进步对您毫无触动，您是个贪赃枉法的官僚！'这时候我提高嗓门，求他们别再争吵了。可是您要知道，彼得·伊里奇也不是那种胆小怕事的人，他突然显得彬彬有礼，一面嘲笑似的看着他，一面向他道歉说：'我不知道是您写的，知道的话就不说了，我还会夸奖您……诗人们都容易生气……'总之，表面上彬彬有礼，骨子里却在嘲笑他。后来他亲口对我说，这些话都是挖苦他的，而我当时还以为他真心向他道歉呢。当时我正躺在那儿，就像现在躺在您面前一样，心里突然想到，假如米哈伊尔·伊凡诺维奇在我家里对我的客人无礼地大声嚷嚷，我因此而把他赶走，这样做好不好呢？您信不信，我躺在那儿闭着眼睛在想：这样做究竟好不好？我一时拿不定主意，我反复琢磨，伤透了脑筋，心也怦怦直跳，我不知是不是应该喊出来？一个声音在说：你喊吧，而另一个声音说：别喊！这第二个声音刚说完，我一下子就喊了出来，接着就昏过去了。不用说这时候一片混乱，我忽然站起来对米哈伊尔·伊凡诺维奇说：'我伤心地向您宣布：我不愿意再在我的家里接待您了。'我就这样把他撵走了。唉，阿列克谢·费奥多罗维奇！我自己知道这样做很不好，我说的都是假话，其实我根本没有生他的气，但我突然想到，主要是突然感到，这样做有好处，这样的场面……不过您信不信，这样的场面终究还显得很自然，因为我甚至还痛哭了一场，连续哭了好几天，可是到了下午我突然把这件事忘得一干二净。他已经有两个星期没有上我家来了，我心里在想：莫非他永远不来了吗？这还是昨天的事，突然傍晚时分收到了这份《传闻》报。我读了以后大吃一惊。这是谁写的？肯定是他写的。他一回家就坐下来炮制这篇文章，然后就寄了出去。人家就把它登出来了。前前后后恰好是两个星期。阿廖沙，我是不是扯得太远了，该说的没有说？唉，我真管不住自己的舌头！ " “我今天无论如何要抓紧时间到哥哥那儿去一次。”阿廖沙嗫嚅着说。 “对，对！正好您提醒了我！我问您，什么叫情感倒错？” “什么情感倒错？”阿廖沙感到惊讶。 “司法上说的情感倒错。只要是情感倒错，什么罪行都不予追究。不论您犯了什么罪行，您都能得到宽恕。” "What do you mean by that?" “我是指那个卡佳……唉，那是个可爱的，非常可爱的人，可是我怎么也不明白她到底爱的是谁。不久前她到我这里，我问她，可什么也没有问出来。何况她现在只跟我表面上敷衍敷衍，总之，老是问我的身体状况，其他一概不谈，说话的口气也变了，我只好对自己说：随您便吧，愿上帝保佑您……哎哟，还是谈情感倒错吧：那个医生来了。您知道不知道来了一位医生？您怎么会不知道呢，那个能诊断是不是疯子的医生还是您请来的，噢，不是您，是卡佳。这都是卡佳的安排！您瞧，一个人根本没有疯，可是突然发生情感倒错。他神智清醒，也知道自己在干什么，但是他却处于情感倒错的状态。德米特里·费奥多罗维奇肯定也是情感倒错了。自从开设了新式法院之后，立即弄清楚了情感倒错是怎么回事。这是新式法院的功劳。这位医生来过，详细问了我那天晚上的情况，就是金矿的事，他当时的情绪怎么样。他一来就大喊大叫：钱，钱，三千卢布，给我三千卢布，后来突然就去杀了人。——这怎么不是情感倒错！他说我不想杀人，不打算杀人，可是突然又杀了人。他本来不想杀人，结果却杀了人，正因为这样才宽恕他。” “他可没有杀人。”阿廖沙打断了她，口气不太客气。他越来越感到焦躁不安了。 “我知道，是格里戈里那老头杀的……” “怎么会是格里戈里呢？”阿廖沙大声叫了起来。 “是他，是他，就是格里戈里。德米特里·费奥多罗维奇把他打倒在地，后来他爬了起来，看到门开着，就走进去杀死了费奥多尔·巴夫洛维奇。” “为什么？为什么呀？” “因为他情感倒错了。德米特里·费奥多罗维奇把他头打昏了，他醒过来后就情感倒错了，于是就去杀人了。他自己说没有杀人，他可能记不得了。不过您知道吗，如果是德米特里·费奥多罗维奇杀的，那就好了，要好得多。虽然我说是格里戈里杀的，但实际上是德米特里·费奥多罗维奇杀的，肯定是他杀的，这样要好得多，好得多！唉，我不是说儿子杀老子是件好事，我是不赞成的，相反，子女应该尊敬父母，不过假如是他杀的，那样倒好，那样您就没有什么可伤心的了，因为他是在神志不清的情况下杀了人，或者说他神志虽然清醒，但不知道怎么会做出这种事情。是的，让他们宽恕他吧；这样才合乎人道，而且能让大家都能看到新式法院的德政。我本来还一点不知道，听说早就实行了。我昨天才知道，我听了非常惊讶，我立刻想派人来请您，等将来他被赦免以后，那就让他从法院出来后直接到我这儿来吃饭，我把亲朋好友请来，大家一起为新式法院干一杯。我并不认为他有什么危险，何况我要请许多客人来，因此即使他闹事，总能把他带走的。将来他可以到别的什么城市里当调解法官或做其他工作，因为自己遭受过不幸的人比其他人审判更加公正。主要的是：现在谁不是情感倒错呢？您，我，大家都情感倒错，这样的例子太多了：一个人坐在那儿唱情歌，突然有什么不称心，他就拔出手枪，见到谁就打死谁，过后大家都宽恕他。这件事我是不久前从报上看到的，所有的医生也都证实了。现在的医生都会证实的，什么都会证实。您看，我的丽莎就情感倒错，昨天我还为她哭过，前天也哭过，今天我才终于明白，她是情感倒错。唉，丽莎太使我伤心了！我想她是完全疯了。她为什么叫您来？是她叫您来的，还是您自己来找她的？” “对，是她叫我来的，我这就去见她。”阿廖沙果断地站起来。 “啊，亲爱的，亲爱的阿列克谢·费奥多罗维奇，主要问题也许就在这儿。”霍赫拉科娃太太大声说道，突然哭了起来。“上帝可以作证，我把丽莎真心诚意托付给您，她背着母亲偷偷叫您来。这也没有关系。但是对不起，我不能随随便便把我的女儿托付给您的哥哥伊凡·费奥多罗维奇，虽然我还是认为他是个最有骑士风度的年轻人。您想想，他突然来看过丽莎，我居然一点儿也不知道。” “怎么？什么？什么时候？”阿廖沙非常惊讶，他也不坐下来，站在那儿连声问道。 “让我来告诉您吧，也许我正是为了这件事才请您来的，因为我已经不知道到底为什么要请您来。是这么一回事：伊凡·费奥多罗维奇从莫斯科回来后到我家总共来过两次，第一次来属于朋友拜访的性质，而第二次是在不久前，当时卡佳在我这儿，他知道卡佳在我这儿就来了。当然，我并不指望他常来拜访，因为我知道他现在已经够忙的了，您知道的，这案子再加上您父亲的惨死，但我突然听说他又来过一次，不过没有到我这儿，而是去找丽莎了，这是在五六天以前，他来坐了五分钟就离开了。过了三天以后我才从格拉菲拉那儿知道了这件事，我听了大吃一惊。我马上把丽莎叫来，可她笑着说：他以为您在睡觉，于是到我这儿来打听您的健康情况。当然，事情确实是这样。只是丽莎，丽莎，啊，我的天，她是多么使我伤心啊！您想想，突然有一天夜里——这是在四天以前，就是您最近一次来过以后，那天夜里她突然歇斯底里大发作，大叫大喊！为什么我从来也不发作歇斯底里呢？第二天又犯了，第三天也犯了，昨天还犯过，昨天就情感倒错。她突然对我大声说：'我恨伊凡·费奥多罗维奇，我要求您以后别再接待他，不准他再进我家的门！'我被这些突如其来的话弄得呆住了，便对她说：我有什么理由拒绝这样一个值得尊敬的年轻人呢，况且他知识渊博，又碰上了这样的灾难，因为所有这些事情终究是一场灾难，而不是幸福，难道不是这样吗？她听了我的话突然哈哈大笑，而且您要知道，是那种侮辱人的笑。但我感到高兴，我想我使她开心了，现在不会再发病了，何况我自己也不想接侍伊凡·费奥多罗维奇，因为他未经我的同意莫名其妙来访，我正想让他作出解释呢。可是今天早晨丽莎醒过来后突然对尤莉亚大发脾气，您想想，还打了她一个耳光。这也未免太野蛮了，我对我的侍女们向来都是以'您'相称的。可是过了一小时以后她忽然拥抱尤莉亚并吻她的脚。还派人来对我说，她绝对不来见我了，以后再也不愿到我这儿来。当我亲自拖着艰难的步子去看她时，她便扑上来吻我，还哭了，吻过以后又把我推出门外，一句话也没说，因此始终没弄清是怎么回事。亲爱的阿列克谢·费奥多罗维奇，现在我全指望您了，我一生的命运就掌握在您的手里。我请您到丽莎那儿，向她了解全部情况，这也只有您才能做到，然后再来告诉我，告诉我这个当母亲的，因为您要理解，照这样下去，那么我会死的，我简直就没法活了，或者索性逃离这个家。我再也受不了啦。虽然我是有耐心的，但我也可能失去耐心，到那时……那时候将发生可怕的事Affection.哎哟，我的天，彼得·伊里奇终于来了！ ”看到彼得·伊里奇走进来，霍赫拉科娃太太叫了起来，忽然眉开眼笑，容光焕发。“您来迟了，来迟了！怎么样，请坐下，决定命运吧，那位律师是怎么说的？您这是要上哪儿呀，阿列克谢·费奥多罗维奇？ " “我到丽莎那儿。” “啊，是的！那您可别忘了，别忘了我求您的事。这涉及命运，命运！” “我当然不会忘记，只要有可能……但我已经耽误了。”阿廖沙喃喃说，急着想脱身。 “不，一定，一定要来，而不是'只要有可能'，不然我就会死的！”霍赫拉科娃太太在他身后大声叫喊，但阿廖沙已经走出了房间。 他走进丽莎房间的时候，看到她正斜靠在她原先坐的那张轮椅上。她以前无法行走的时候，就坐在这张轮椅上由别人推来推去。她没有站起来迎接他，但她那敏锐的目光却紧紧盯着他。她的眼睛有点红肿，脸色灰黄。阿廖沙感到十分惊讶，三天来她有了明显的变化，人也瘦了些。她没有向他伸出手去。他主动伸手摸了摸她静静地搁在衣裙上的纤细的手指，然后默默地在她对面坐了下来。 “我知道，您急于去探监，”丽莎厉声说，“可妈妈耽误了您两个小时，刚才对您讲了我和尤莉亚的事。” “您怎么知道的？”阿廖沙问。 “我偷听了。您干吗盯着我？我想偷听就偷听，这没有什么不好。我不会请求原谅的。” “您有什么不愉快吗？” “相反，我非常高兴。我刚才又想了一遍，这已经是第三十遍了：我拒绝了您，不想做您的妻子，这有多好啊。您当丈夫是不行的：如果我嫁给了您，突然我交给您一封信，让您把这信送给我在您之后爱上的另一个人，您会收下照送不误，甚至还会把回信也带回来。您就是到了四十岁，也还会替我送这类信的。” She suddenly laughed. “您的心真是既狠毒又天真。”阿廖沙对她笑了笑。 “您说的天真，那就是我在您面前不感到害臊，我不但不害臊，而且我也不想害臊，恰恰在您面前，对您，我不觉得害臊。阿廖沙，为什么我不尊重您呢？我非常爱您，但我不尊重您。要是我尊重您，那我就不会这样恬不知耻跟您说话了，是这样吗？” "That's right." “您相信我对您不害臊吗？” “不，我不信。” 丽莎又神经质地笑了；她说得又急又快。 “我给您狱中的哥哥德米特里·费奥多罗维奇送去了糖果。您知道吗，阿廖沙，您这个人太好了！您这样快就允许我不爱您了，因此我将更加爱您。” “您今天叫我来有什么事，丽莎？” “我非常想告诉您我的一个心愿。我希望有一个人来折磨我，娶了我，然后就折磨我，欺骗我，离开我，抛弃我。我不愿成为一个幸福的人。” “您爱混乱？” “是的，我希望混乱！我总想放火烧房子。我一直在想象我怎样跑过去，偷偷地放火，当然要偷偷地干。人们来灭火，而房子在燃烧。我知道是怎么回事，可就是不说。唉，我尽说蠢话。真无聊！” 她厌恶地挥了挥手。 “您生活太富有了。”阿廖沙轻轻说。 “当穷人是不是要好些？” “要好些。” “这都是您那位已故的修士灌输给您的。这话不对。即使我富，其他人穷，那我也照样吃糖果、乳脂，我不分给别人吃。哎，您别说，您什么也别说。”她挥了一下手，虽然阿廖沙根本没有开口。“您这一套以前早就跟我说过，我都能背出来。无聊透顶。如果我以后成了穷人，那我就要杀人——即使我以后富了，说不定也会杀人——干吗坐着无所事事！您知道吗，我真想去收割庄稼，收割黑麦。我嫁给您，您就去当农民，真正的农民，我们养一匹小马，您愿意吗？您认识卡尔加诺夫吗？” "I know." “他晃来晃去地尽在幻想。他说：何必过真实的生活，还是幻想的好。可以幻想最大的欢乐，实际生活就乏味了。而他自己快要结婚了，他还曾经向我表白过爱情呢。您会玩陀螺吗？” "I will." “他就像陀螺一样：让他旋转起来放到地上，再用鞭子抽打，不停地狠狠抽打：如果我嫁给他，我就一辈子抽得他团团转。您和我在一起不感到害臊吗？” "No." “我不讲崇高的事情，您一定非常恼火吧。我不想做圣女。一个人犯了十恶不赦的大罪，到另一个世界会怎样处置他呢？您应该非常清楚的。” “上帝会裁决的。”阿廖沙全神贯注地看着她。 “我就希望那样。我一到那儿就给我定罪，我会当着他们的面哈哈大笑。我真想放火烧房子，阿廖沙，就烧我们家的房子，您还不相信我吗？” “为什么不相信呢？即使十一二岁的孩子，他们很想放火烧掉些什么，他们也真的放火。这是一种病。” “不对，不对，即使有这样的孩子，但我说的不是这个意思。” “您把恶当成了善：这是一种暂时的精神危机，这可能是您原先的病引起的。” “您还是瞧不起我吗？我就是不想行善，我要作恶。这跟病毫无关系。” “为什么要作恶呢？” “为了毁灭一切。唉，如果什么都不存在了，那该有多好啊！您知道吗，阿廖沙，我有时真想干许许多多坏事，肮脏卑鄙的事，我要长期偷偷干下去，然后让大家突然发现。大家把我团团围住，对我点点戳戳，而我就瞪眼看着大家。那是非常舒服的事。为什么会这样舒服呢，阿廖沙？” “是的。这是一种需要，要想毁掉或者像您所说的要放火烧掉一些美好的东西。这种情况也是有的。” “我可不只是说说，我真的会干的。” “我相信。” “啊，就凭您'我相信'这句话，我就非常爱您。您可真是一点儿，一点儿也不说谎。也许您以为我说这些是故意想刺激您吗？” “不，我并不这样认为……也许您确实也有点这种需要。” “有点儿。在您面前我从不说谎。”她说，眼睛里闪出一丝火花。 最使阿廖沙吃惊的是她那种严肃的态度：现在她的脸上丝毫没有嘲弄和玩笑的影子，虽然以前她最“严肃的”时候也总会带点快活和玩笑的神情。 “有时候人们喜欢犯罪。”阿廖沙沉思着说。 “对，对啊！您说出了我的想法，是喜欢，大家都喜欢，而且永远喜欢，而不是'有时候'。您知道，不知在什么时候大家好像商量好了要撒谎，从此以后大家都在撒谎。大家口头上都说憎恨坏事，但内心却全都喜欢干坏事。” “您还在看坏书吗？” “还在看。妈妈也在看，还把书藏到枕头底下，我就偷来看。” “您这样作践自己不感到惭愧吗？” “我宁愿毁掉自己。这里有一个男孩子，他躺在铁轨之间，火车在他上面开过。真是幸运儿！您听我说，您哥哥因为杀死了父亲要判罪了，可大家都感到很高兴，因为他杀死了父亲。” “他杀死了父亲，大家却高兴？” “高兴，大家都高兴！大家嘴上都说这件事太可怕了，但心里却非常高兴。我就第一个感到高兴。” “您对大家的评价有一定道理。”阿廖沙轻轻地说。 “哎哟，您居然有这种想法！”丽莎高兴得尖声大叫，“您还算是个修士呢！说来您也不会相信，我是多么尊重您，阿廖沙，因为您从来不说谎。啊，我要跟您讲一讲我做了一个多么可笑的梦：我有时梦见许多鬼，好像是在夜里，我拿着蜡烛待在自己房间里，突然发现到处都是鬼，墙角里，桌子底下都是鬼，它们把门也打开了，门外也有一大群鬼，它们想进来抓我。眼看着它们已经走到我身边，已经动手抓了。我突然画起十字来，它们都退了下去，害怕了，但不肯离开，站在门口，站在角落里，等待着。这时候我真想破口大骂上帝，后来我真的开始骂上帝了，它们突然又蜂拥着向我扑来，它们高兴得手舞足蹈，眼看着又要抓住我了，我突然又画了个十字，它们又退了下去。好玩极了，乐得我气都喘不上来。” “我也常做这样的梦。”阿廖沙突然说。 “是真的吗？”丽莎惊讶地大声叫道，“您听我说，阿廖沙，别取笑，这非常重要：难道两个不同的人会做相同的梦吗？” “也许可能。” “阿廖沙，我对您说，这非常重要，”丽莎惊讶万分地继续说道，“重要的不是梦本身，而是您能做我一样的梦。您从来也不对我说谎，现在您也别说谎：这是真的吗？您不是在取笑我吧？” "it is true." 丽莎不知为什么非常惊异，竟沉默了半分钟。 “阿廖沙，您要常来，要经常来看我。”她突然用一种哀求的语气说。 “我永远，一辈子都会来看您的。”阿廖沙坚定地回答。 “我只对您一个人说，”丽莎又开始说道，“我只对我自己说，还对您说，在这世界上我只对您一个人说。我对您说比对自己说更乐意。我在您面前一点儿也不感到害臊。阿廖沙，为什么我在您面前完全不害臊，一点儿也不害臊呢？阿廖沙，听说犹太人在逾越节的时候把人家的孩子偷来杀掉，真有这样的事吗？” "I have no idea." “我有一本书，里面讲到某地审判一件案子，说有个犹太人先把一个四岁男孩的两只手上的手指都砍掉，然后把他钉在墙上，用钉子钉住，再十字撑开，后来他在法庭上说那男孩过了四小时很快就死了。多么快啊！还说那小男孩在呻吟，不停地呻吟，而他却站在那儿欣赏。这很好！” “很好？” “很好。我有时想，这是我自己把孩子活活钉死的。他悬挂在那儿不停地呻吟着，而我坐在他面前吃菠萝蜜饯。我很爱吃菠萝蜜饯。您喜欢吗？” 阿廖沙默默地看着她。她那苍白泛黄的脸突然变了样，眼睛闪闪发亮。 “您知道，我读了这个犹太人的故事以后，一整夜都哭得浑身哆嗦。我想象着那个小孩怎样哭喊和呻吟（四岁的男孩已经懂事了），可是吃菠萝蜜饯这个想法我怎么也摆脱不掉。早晨我给一个人写了封信，要他一定要到我这儿来。他来了，我忽然对他讲了小男孩和菠萝蜜饯的事，我全都讲了，全都说了，我还说'这很好'。他突然笑着说，这确实很好，然后就站起来走了。总共坐了五分钟。他看不起我，是吗？您说，您说，阿廖沙，他是不是看不起我？”她在卧榻上挺直了身子，目光炯炯。 “请告诉我，”阿廖沙激动地说，“是您自己叫他来的，叫这个人来的吗？” “是我自己。” “您给他写了一封信？” “写了。” “就是问这件事，问这个孩子的事吗？” “不，根本没有谈这件事，根本没有。但他一进来，我马上就问了这件事。他回答以后就笑了起来，然后站起来就离开了。” “这个人对您的态度很诚实。”阿廖沙轻轻说。 “他是看不起我吗？是取笑我吗？” “不，因为他自己说不定也相信菠萝蜜饯呢。他现在也病得很重，丽莎。” “是的，他相信的。”丽莎的眼睛闪闪发光。 “他并没有看不起什么人，”阿廖沙继续说道，“他只是不相信任何人。既然他不相信，当然也就看不起别人了。” “这么说来也包括我？包括我在内？” “也包括您。” “这很好。”丽莎似乎咬着牙说，“当他笑着走出去后，我就感到被人看不起是件好事。小男孩被砍掉手指也是好事，被人看不起也是好事……” 她对阿廖沙似乎有些恼恨，激动地笑了起来。 “您知道吗，阿廖沙，您知道吗，我想……阿廖沙，救救我！”她突然从卧榻上跳起来，向他跑过去，两只手紧紧抱住了他。“您救救我。”她几乎呻吟着说，“难道我会把对您说过的话跟世界上随便哪一个人说吗？我跟您说的是实话，实话，实话！我要自杀，因为我讨厌一切。我不想活了，我讨厌一切！我讨厌一切，我讨厌一切！阿廖沙，为什么您一点儿、一点儿也不爱我啦！”说到最后她几乎发疯了。 “不，我爱您！”阿廖沙热烈地回答。 “您会疼我吗？会哭吗？” "Will do." “不是因为我不愿意做您的妻子才哭，而是单纯地哭我，不为别的什么哭吗？” "yes." “谢谢！我只需要您的眼泪。至于其他人，让他们尽管惩罚我，用脚践踏我，让所有的人，所有的人，没有一个例外。因为我什么人都不爱。您听见没有，任何人都不爱！相反，我恨他们！去吧，阿廖沙，您该到哥哥那儿去了！”她突然从他怀里挣脱出来。 “怎么能让您这样留下来呢？”阿廖沙近乎恐惧地说。 “到您哥哥那儿去吧！监狱快要关门了，去吧！这是您的帽子！请您替我吻吻米佳，去吧，去吧！” 她几乎强行把阿廖沙推出门外。阿廖沙苦恼而困惑不解地望着她，突然他感到她往他右手里塞了一封信，那信折得又小又紧，还封了口。他一眼就看清了收信人姓名：伊凡·费奥多罗维奇·卡拉马佐夫。他迅速地看了看丽莎。她的脸色变得近乎严厉了。 “请您转交给他！一定要转交！”她发狂似的命令道，浑身在颤抖。“今天就交给他，马上给他，不然我就服毒自杀！我就是为这件事才叫您来的！” 她迅速关上门，只听得门闩哐啷一声。阿廖沙把信塞进口袋里，径直向楼梯走去，并没有去见霍赫拉科娃太太，甚至把她给忘记了。阿廖沙刚离开，丽莎马上拔开门闩，把门开了一道小小的缝，把一只手指塞进门缝，然后关上门，拼命夹住那手指。大约十秒钟后，她才抽回手，悄悄