Chapter 38 Lesson 11 Open up social space

Some people live very tired, some people live chic.In fact, this is the surface phenomenon of life.Facts have proved that people with good popularity can do things easily and smoothly.This means that you have to learn to properly use social means to adjust interpersonal relationships in order to achieve your desired goals and results.Therefore, successful social networking can increase popularity. Good interpersonal relationships are of great significance to the well-being of life.Surveys in the West show that 80% of people have lost confidence in interpersonal communication, and 80% of people feel indifferent and difficult to communicate with.In recent years, youth who have committed suicide due to relationship discomfort

The number has risen significantly.This shows that the relationship between people has reached a marginalized level. Social communication is the basis and condition for realizing the connection and dependence between people.Communication is not just the exchange of material conditions such as clothing, food, housing, and transportation that people need, so that everyone can get their own place, forming a process of social material exchange, and, more generally, the mutual transmission of information between people, the exchange of ideas Mutual enlightenment, mutual infection of emotions, and mutual imitation of behavior constitute the so-called interpersonal relationship.

There are all kinds of interpersonal relationships, ranging from harmonious and intimate relationships to alienating and conflicting relationships.A harmonious and intimate interpersonal relationship is: the two parties have high psychological compatibility, strong mutual attraction, deep similarity in thought, tight attachment in emotion, and convergence, cooperation, benefit and dedication in behavior.The interpersonal relationship of estrangement and conflict is: the two parties in the communication are psychologically incompatible, the mutual repulsion is strong, there are many ideological differences, serious emotional antagonism, and self-interested, aggressive and aggressive behaviors often occur.Generally speaking, people hope and pursue harmonious and intimate interpersonal relationships, and prevent and avoid interpersonal relationships that are alienated and conflicted.

Under various social conditions, it is the common nature of human beings to pursue harmonious and intimate interpersonal relationships.The needs that occupy a certain dominant position among the citizens of both developed and underdeveloped countries are social needs.That is to say, in developed countries, in addition to the needs of self-realization and respect, which occupy an important position among the citizens, the number of people who regard social needs as their superior needs is quite considerable.In underdeveloped countries, in addition to physiological and safety needs, social needs also have a certain dominant position.It can be seen that no matter what the social conditions are, people need to communicate, through communication to establish harmonious and intimate interpersonal relationships, to get along well with others, and to cooperate and work together.

If you pursue and realize a harmonious and intimate interpersonal relationship, then you will increase your popularity and your future. 1 Good social networking creates a network For a person who is good at socializing, "network" means eliminating all "obstacles to understanding" and achieving the ideal effect of mutual fit.That is to say, in social life, as long as you are good at communicating and opening up the "obstacles" between people, you will be able to obtain invisible "relationship networks" again and again, and this "relationship network" can resolve the problems caused by frequent occupational mobility. The sense of instability and incompatibility brought about by the contractualization of interpersonal relationships.

The regularization of occupational mobility and the contractualization of interpersonal relationships force people to constantly face unfamiliar communication objects and environments.As we all know, the rapid development of science and technology and highly technical production will inevitably lead to the regularization of people's occupational mobility. Forced into a state of constant flux, often having to start over, often rushing to establish new relationships.Strange people, on the one hand, do not understand each other, on the other hand, they hope to understand each other. The process of social communication is the process in which the two parties in the communication know each other, experience each other, and behave in the same way.Only through communication can we observe others, analyze others, and experience others; only through communication can we understand other people's needs, motives, goals, ideals and beliefs; only through communication can we grasp the character of others , temperament and talent; only through communication can others know, understand, experience and grasp your characteristics.It is impossible to achieve real understanding between people without communication.

Therefore, it is absolutely necessary for people to build a relationship "network" through their good social skills, so that the "network" can provide more possibilities for their own survival. 2 good social can receive information Socialization is a combination of human intelligence.If you learn to socialize and use social networking, you can get "rich information from the other half" from the other party. The advantage is to provide you with valuable "direct information" in a "short", "fast" and "new" way.Therefore, social networking has many unexpected benefits, the most important of which is to enable you to carry information and think about development.

Although the information obtained from direct communication is not as real, reliable, credible and experiential as the experience obtained from direct practice, it has incomparable advantages.Book knowledge is rational knowledge, direct experience is perceptual knowledge, and communication provides people with both rational and perceptual knowledge, as well as a transformation process from perceptual to rational.And when people acquire this knowledge, they don't have to be subject to such strict conditions as direct practice.Anyone, as long as he wants, can find a partner for face-to-face communication at any time.Anyone, as long as he has the heart, can always find a satisfactory communication partner, a suitable communication situation, and build an effective communication stage.Anyone, as long as he is willing to communicate and is good at communicating, he will get rich and true information on the stage of communication, making up for the lack of book knowledge and direct experience.

Information is wealth, and good social skills are the means to collect this wealth, and the means serve the purpose.Those who do not want to obtain information are tantamount to driving themselves out of the home of wealth, and are tantamount to walking on the road of "yelang arrogance". 3 Good social relations can breed emotions "Emotion" is a popular topic. People in modern society are not emotionally redundant, but lack real emotional communication.To some extent, "emotion" is a product of human spirit.Of course, the "emotion" mentioned here includes two aspects of friendship and friendship.In fact, socializing itself is often an external expression of emotion, which can bring the far closer, deepen the shallow, and elevate the low. This is the charm of "emotional diplomacy". You have to be convinced, you have to believe, and this , any book will not tell you.

With the development of society today, people's need for friendship and other emotions is more prominent and more urgent.More and more people are experiencing, for the first time, a real lack, poverty, and unsatisfaction in their emotional lives.Some people have already felt the hunger and are in a state of starvation.Another important reason for this situation is that the distribution of material interests, political interests and various opportunities in modern society is realized through direct or indirect competition among people.The long-term, all-round fierce competition has impacted the caring, sympathy and friendship that permeated the warmth and tenderness in the past, so that the friendship between colleagues, the friendship between teachers and students, and even the love between father and son are becoming weaker and weaker, and then they are replaced by indifference, jealousy and hostility. replace.

Social interaction is the only way to achieve emotional exchange.Only through social interaction can people sell their feelings and win the friendship of others at the same time.The knowledge of social psychology tells us that the emotional recognition and resonance between people is the result of intercommunication and mutual infection formed by the stimulation of the communication situation in the process of communication.Without entering into the communication process and without forming a communication situation, people will not be able to truly experience the emotional state of others, so they will not be able to properly adjust their feelings to resonate with others, and thus it will be impossible to win others' love and enthusiasm.Without entering into the communication process and without forming a communication situation, people will not be able to express their concern, warmth, consideration and friendship to others, and thus it is impossible to get positive returns and reactions from others.In the same way, without contact with the object of communication, people are just indulging in fantasies and cannot realize emotional communication and infection with others. The most beautiful thing in this world is the emotional connection between people.The emotional connection between people is achieved through interpersonal communication.Likewise, the process of communication intensifies positive emotional experiences and weakens negative ones.Therefore, "social emotion" is a manifestation of people's affinity in society, which is intriguing and thought-provoking, and it is waiting for people's active use and creation. The so-called heterosexual intercourse here does not refer to general contact between men and women such as meetings, asking directions, and doing business. , but refers to married men and women going to proms, salons and other legitimate social places, or deepening understanding in work, study, entertainment, making friends of the opposite sex, and having more contact, maintaining noble and pure friendship. It is deeper than general contact such as business affairs, and it also excludes the unique sexual relationship between husband and wife. Voluntary, beneficial activities for career advancement, enriching life, enhancing friendship, and pleasing emotions.It is a manifestation and reflection of social progress and civilization. Although its norms and degrees vary with different national conditions, generally speaking, the more advanced the society is, the more it requires people to communicate, and it also serves as a The relationship between men and women creates material conditions, ideological conditions and a good environment. Relevant foreign experts have evaluated the quality of men and women according to the average statistical level of the phenomenon, and believe that men and women can complement each other, and their different tendencies will compensate each other.The benefits of intercourse between men and women can be experienced and summarized from different angles. Here are just a few: 1 Mutual assistance in business With the development of society, people's professionalism has been greatly enhanced, and they are generally eager to achieve something in a certain aspect or field in order to realize their personal value.For example, the lover of a female writer is a researcher in a scientific research institute and knows nothing about creation. Although she supports her in creating, she cannot give specific guidance or help.She got acquainted with several writers of the opposite sex, and they met regularly, and improved their creative level through mutual discussions.Making friends of the opposite sex like this is mostly "birds on the same tree", getting acquainted for a common cause, and deepening friendship as the career progresses.Here, a person not only gets specific help, but also gets appreciation and encouragement from the opposite sex, which enhances his self-confidence.In recent years, the rise of various salons and small fraternities meets the needs of choosing friends, and many people have met "confidants" of the opposite sex here. 2 Intellectually Compensated It has been scientifically proven that there is no obvious difference in intelligence between men and women, but there are differences in intelligence types.For example, in terms of thinking, women are more practical, and their thinking activities are more specific.Women's intellect is more adapted to applied sciences and sciences approaching practicality.Men are more inclined to the field of abstract thinking. They use more comprehensive methods to deal with reality, are good at generalization, and are enthusiastic about abstract science. Their thinking is often bizarre and bold.In the same-sex relationship, both men and women can learn from each other's strengths and improve their intelligence. 3 Complementary in temperament Temperament differs between men and women.Masculinity is more responsive, strong-willed, generally more capable of fighting, aggressive, and full of rebellious spirit.Femininity is more flexible and active, full of emotion and changeable mood.Their tenacity is typically characterized by quick reflexes and quick and dexterous movements.In the relationship between men and women, the temperament of both parties can be hidden in each other. 4 Emotionally comfort each other Human emotions are extremely rich. In addition to love, there are sympathy, family affection, gratitude, etc. Therefore, there can be emotional exchanges without love between the opposite sex, which can make people feel warm and achieve psychological balance. It is generally said that women are delicate and gentle, full of compassion, while men are passionate and strong-willed.Some men are willing to confide their misfortunes and embarrassments to women, tell the secrets of their hearts, and calm down in the voice of sympathy; some women are willing to tell their hesitation and distress to their boyfriends, and stabilize their emotions in the voice of encouragement.Some "talk to a confidant", always feel that they have a common language, and comfort their hearts in their conversations.This kind of emotional communication is subtle and not available in same-sex bodies. 5 mutual pleasure in spirit Some people make friends of the opposite sex for entertainment, they get spiritual pleasure in common activities, and they become friends when they get in touch with each other more, such as poker friends and golf friends.In having fun with friends of the opposite sex, I feel a kind of pride, satisfaction, and harmony that I don't have with friends of the same sex. All in all, there are many benefits to a relationship between a man and a woman.An ethicist said: The true strength of a man is fortitude with a little tenderness.If a man concentrates all masculine characteristics, it will be boring and monotonous.Men exist specifically in the collocation of different gender characteristics, which makes their personalities more colorful and more masculine.The same is true for women. In modern society, people are under increasing pressure to survive, so enrich yourself in the ever-expanding intercourse between men and women, because heterosexual intercourse is the best seasoning for life. One of the basic characteristics of modern society is openness, and there must be openness between people.In order to increase knowledge, explore problems, seek interest, and study life, social interaction is an indispensable means.At the same time, today is an era of information as the driving force and resource, which requires people to form a network and cooperate with each other in order to adapt to the development of social production.Therefore, normal communication is the most extensive and complex first-level need in the common structure of human needs in life, and it is the eternal need of human beings. Only in this way can we obtain a sense of belonging, form a kind of motivation, and promote ourselves to work hard. keep going. So, after marriage, can one of the husband and wife still associate with other opposite sexes? It should be considered possible and should be supported.But in real life, due to the influence of the feudal society's outdated concept that "men and women are not close to each other", some people are not used to the normal communication between men and women.Once you are married, you will be vulnerable to all kinds of censure if you associate with someone of the opposite sex other than your spouse.There is not only one kind of sexual relationship between a man and a woman, but also many social relationships such as work relationship, gay relationship, and friend relationship. To support the lover's social activities and understand each other, this is the embodiment of true love. Some people do not object to their lover interacting with the opposite sex because of their work relationship, but if the lover makes friends with the opposite sex, it is not allowed.They think that making friends of the opposite sex after marriage is infidelity to love.This view is wrong.Because, after a person gets married, making friends of the opposite sex and being unfaithful to his love are two different things.Making friends is just friendship, not love.Of course, some people go beyond the boundaries of friendship in making friends, and that's another issue.Therefore, it is normal for your wife or husband to have a chaste friendship with the opposite sex, whether before or after marriage.As a husband or wife, there is no need to be on fire for this, or even pursue it strictly without asking the reason.Even if they pass frequently, he should fully trust your lover and must not be suspicious at every turn.If you interfere or restrict activities, it will only dilute or hurt the relationship between the couple, and even cause unimaginable consequences. No matter which party is dealing with friends of the opposite sex, he should notice that he is married and has a family, which is different from when he was unmarried. Therefore, he must be restrained by moral standards that are both reasonable and in line with social laws. For yourself, use your reason to control the emotional gate at any time, and you should also pay attention to the way of communication, and try to avoid arousing the other party's suspicion.Once you find that the other party has doubts about this, you should explain it clearly in time.It is best to introduce your husband (wife) to your friends of the opposite sex, so that your friends become friends of both of you and your wife.This will not only develop the normal friendship, but also make your family life more harmonious, and the flower of love will always bloom undefeated. Husband and wife need mutual trust, mutual understanding, and mutual respect.When dealing with a friend of the opposite sex, the other party should be open-minded and treat him or her with complete trust. This kind of normal communication will make the friendship more pure.Love is a sweet wine brewed by mutual trust.If there is no mutual trust between husband and wife, then the love between each other will not be able to withstand the test of wind and rain. After marriage, we need to build good relationships The closed door of the inner world not only blocks the exchange of emotions, but also keeps friendship out of the door.The defensive mentality is suffocating, and many women feel they are being swallowed by a surge of loneliness.So they exclaimed loudly: "What's wrong with this world?" Of all the members of the animal kingdom, man is the one most in need of emotional communication. A cow can live comfortably in the fence for many years, as long as the owner can provide it with fodder in a timely manner; a lark can still jump happily and sing in the cage. However, it is hard to imagine how much human beings are in such an environment. Courage to survive.Especially for women, loneliness is their terrible enemy. Girlhood passed by with carefree laughter, and it was so fast that it was hard to recall. After marriage, although there are a few friends who can talk on the phone, the phone numbers are only remembered when I am really bored, but after I really hear the other party's "Hello", I really don't know what to say.I get along with my husband day and night, but without the words before the marriage that amazed poets, looking at the back of my husband who is busy, I feel a faint sadness in my heart. Many women yearn for emotional communication with the opposite sex of the same sex, but they are restrained from beginning to end. They are unwilling to let others know their weaknesses-frustration, anxiety, and disappointment.They are afraid of being regarded as cowardly, like a loser who blindly complains, and will make others lose interest and respect for themselves.In addition, they are unwilling to share the joy of their victory with others, because they are afraid of arousing competition and jealousy from others. In our society, the relationship between people can only be harmonious and intimate when they are fighting for a common goal or interest. Think of teenagers who come together and form a team to form a team and work together to beat Another team; but as adults, it is only in the war years that are long gone. It is a deplorable tragedy. For the most part, people are always on guard with each other.Their conversations are rarely really personal.Even a friend who usually thinks he knows very well, when something suddenly happens, except for the surprise on his face, the rest is helpless. To maintain a good interpersonal relationship and a healthy emotional state in this world of emotional indifference between people undoubtedly puts forward higher requirements for people's emotional intelligence.In fact, only those with high emotional intelligence can better adapt to this society, obtain harmonious interpersonal relationships and friendship, and thus enjoy themselves in real life. What women need is to open their hearts, actively communicate with others, remove some self-imposed barriers, and accept others sincerely. If you have a few more friends who can confide in you, you will be less lonely and overcome the terrible Lonely, a woman's high EQ will win you a round of applause! Because no one can lack friends in life. In many cases, the care, help, and consideration between friends are better than brothers and sisters, better than husband and wife. Moreover, deep friendship is often more meaningful, sincere and lasting than love.The problem is that a considerable number of people, especially female friends, once they have love, are confined to love and family, and devote themselves wholeheartedly, they are obviously alienated from their past friends, and they don't cherish the deep and shallow friendship so much.Their excuse is: "Oh, I'm too busy." Busy is really busy.They can't help indulging in the joy of the small family, they are busy with a happy little life, and friends, as for those friendships, they are a bit careless, it seems that it doesn't matter whether they have it or not. In fact, making friends is not only a kind of emotional communication and communication, but also an important expansion of life.Each of us has certain limitations. The living environment, content of life, and experience of life are all planned and delineated by internal and external factors. Therefore, our vision, insight, experience, and heart are easy for this kind of Restricted by "planning" and "enclosure", it can only be narrow, superficial, and one-sided.In comparison, men are more broad than women. They have wider interests, pay more attention to the outside world, and have a little more exploration and adventurous spirit; while female friends, after having love and family, even the enthusiasm of friends is less than that of friends. If it is completely reduced, then their lives and minds can only become narrower and smaller day by day, and many tragedies occur because of the "narrower and smaller". However, before the tragedy happened, they didn't take it seriously, but when the tragedy happened, they didn't realize it. This is just the subtle consciousness of "narrower and smaller".Of course, it is not excluded to focus on love and be responsible for the family.However, focusing does not mean giving up all other feelings; being responsible does not mean neglecting all other relationships.They think that if they are focused and responsible, they will be able to secure happiness, maintain their families, and keep their lives.But life is not something that can be seen firmly and kept.Life needs change, enrichment, and renewal.The unchanging "keeping" and the self-styled "seeing" can only make life dull, poor, and mediocre day by day.As a result, although there is a form of family, the content and life of the family will inevitably shrink. Therefore, when a woman gets married, she must not reject everything she had before marriage, let alone those friends she had before marriage.Keeping your interest, your hobbies, your social activities, and all your emotional connections except love is a good way to enrich yourself, update yourself, and improve yourself.Only by constantly enriching, updating, changing and perfecting in this way can family life have color, and love and happiness can be maintained for a long time. You are a knowledgeable and tasteful woman. It is especially important for knowledgeable women to understand your husband and handle small misunderstandings with him. Use subtle words and actions to communicate the relationship between husband and wife. Think back to whether or not you have had this experience. You have found in your life that when those beautiful and intelligent girls come to your home, your husband is more than usual with you Sometimes you are more excited, more expressive, and more personable... At this time, you often have a feeling of being left out, depressed and depressed, but the surface is calm as usual.Sometimes you even wonder if your husband doesn’t love you anymore, so you deliberately show a kind of unhappiness or complaint after the girls leave, which makes your husband puzzled and asks: "What's wrong with you?" He is asking knowingly. If you accuse your husband of being "immoral" on the spot, he's probably going to throw a tantrum over it. In fact, if your husband is just sometimes more enthusiastic and chatty with other women than he usually is with you, then that's totally normal.It's your fault. Because, at that time, the husband may just want to show his talent and wisdom.It is also reasonable that the girl's admiring and eager eyes and approval may make him have more desire to express. Especially men are desperate for face, if you don't give him a good look in public, he will not get off the stage, and he will be annoyed at your "boring". Also, have you ever experienced this: One day when I came home, I suddenly saw that my husband brought a group of unexpected guests, bought a lot of tobacco, wine, meat and vegetables, and made a mess of glasses and dishes all over the house.You're upset, after hurrying into the bedroom with a forced smile on your face, because it's obvious that you're oblivious to their arrival.Isn't this the husband looking down on him and disrespecting him? If you think so, you may be wrong again.It is conceivable that when your husband's colleagues or old friends meet, they all propose to get together, and your husband generously said: "Come to my house." After such a move, the self-esteem of a man naturally increased, and he slapped his chest: "Our family doesn't have such rules." A wife should understand her husband's psychology. He just doesn't want to be seen as henpecked. In fact, he is really apologetic.To give men some opportunities to assert themselves, even if it is temporary or superficial. There are many similar things, if you don't pay attention, it is likely to cause trouble.Therefore, you must understand what your husband says, and don't guess wildly, so that you can play your temper with him, making your husband wonder why you are making trouble, and disturbing the peaceful days. Some wives like to study health issues. She constantly emphasizes to her husband the importance of exercise, diet and regular medical check-ups.Moreover, no matter what the husband ate or drank, the wife would babble about the toxicity of various foods.What she couldn't understand, however, was that the more she talked, the less he listened.The reason was that he felt that he was being treated like a child, which was too embarrassing. Excessive consideration can make people breathless. Sometimes, being inconsiderate is the opposite of being considerate.For example, a few friends go to a coffee shop together, and you silently add milk and sugar cubes for him. Maybe you think this is a kind of considerate, but some men don’t like to accept overly considerate performance under the eyes of everyone.As long as you push milk and sugar cubes in front of him as if nothing had happened, he will naturally understand. In public places, even if you know the other person’s wishes and needs very well, when you are going to do it for him, first consider the other person’s self-esteem, and then it is not too late to express. Many wives think of themselves as their husbands' career advisers, but their strategy is often to put their husbands out of work, not to promote them. A reporter once asked a manager what wives could do to help their husbands succeed. "I believe," said the manager, "that there are two most important things that a wife can do to help her husband succeed in his career, The first is to love him, and the second is to let him go alone.A lovely wife who will bring her husband a happy and comfortable home life.And if she is smart enough to let her husband go about his business undisturbed, he will surely be successful, at least with training, to the best of his ability. " This non-interference policy applies directly to the wife-husband working relationship, and the wife-husband business partner relationship. "Wives often severely interfere with their husbands' work," the manager continued, "Some wives like to counsel, interfere, and influence their husbands, object to the people they work with, or complain about their husbands' pay, hours, and responsibilities. The kind of wife who sees herself as an informal advisor to her husband in running his business often kills his success with few other things with such gravity." Many brides have dreamed of cleverly helping their dream prince climb to the manager's throne.They plan strategies; they offer hints and suggestions; they probe, try, and cultivate friendships with their husbands' colleagues.Often, their ruse gets their husbands out of their jobs rather than up their ranks. There has been such a thing.Once, a manager was hired in a small company.He's smart and seems like a good fit for the job, but it's baffling that his wife has kept meddling with him since he took over his new job.Every morning, she would go to the office with her husband, take down his words, give them to the typing lady outside, and change her husband's entire work system-this is what really happened. The work mood in the office is ruined.One girl resigned, and the rest were waiting to see how the timing changed.Exactly three weeks after the new manager's arrival, he was called into the main office, where he was politely but assuredly told that he could no longer be kept.He's gone--taking his wife with him. Too much? Probably yes; but there are plenty of people who have been fired for more minor reasons.Wife meddling, even with the best motives, is a dangerous business—much more serious than most people realize. Here is a realistic example: One of the company's most highly regarded managers was recently forced to resign after years of service because his wife insisted on meddling in his business.She devised many secret schemes against several other managers in the company, whom she considered her husband's rivals.She stirs up trouble among the managers' wives.She began to systematically spread rumors and attack them.Her husband, having no way of controlling her secret activities, did the only thing he could, and he quit his job, which he was quite proud of. Here are ten ways you can easily manipulate your husband, if you believe in manipulative power behind the scenes.You can pull your husband's hind legs as instructed to pull him off the stairs so he can't climb up.You can also put your husband out of a job and cause him to have a nervous breakdown if you follow the instructions below. (1) Speak bad words to his female secretary, especially to those who are young and beautiful.Take every opportunity to remind her that she is just a servant.Although she doesn't see your husband as a desirable, gilded genius, you can't let her go.Don't worry about losing a good secretary, your husband can still use a recording machine. (2) Call your husband several times a day.Tell him about your troubles at home, ask who he's having lunch with, and don't forget to write him a bunch of things to buy on the way home.On pay day, don't forget to visit him in the office.His colleagues will immediately discover who is the head of the household. (3) Create some friction with her colleague's wife.This situation will not end, because none of those ladies are good people.You can spread some interesting gossip about what your boss once said about her husband and what your husband thinks of her husband.It won't be long before the entire office will split into factions - and your purpose will be accomplished in no time. (4) Tell him he has too much work, too little pay, and no one in the office takes him seriously.Before long, he'll start to take your word for it, and his job will be what you say it is.Then he'll look for a job that suits him. (5) Constantly telling him how he should improve his work, how to increase sales, and how to flatter his superiors.Put on the attitude of a general manager in a rocking chair.After all, he's just working in an office, and you're the real strategist and planner. (6) Throw lavish balls, spend big bucks, and live beyond your means as if your husband had made it.You won't be able to fool anyone, but you can have a lot of fun. (7) Organize a secret police program in your own home for long-term investigations of your husband's problems with his female patrons, office assistants, and co-workers' wives.It seems meaningless to you that women have to stay because of work, and men can only work in the men's room in order to avoid too much contact with them. (8) Whenever you have the opportunity to flirt with your husband's boss, try to use your feminine charm.If the boss does not intend to fire your husband after your efforts, then the boss's wife will also specially find a new boss for your husband, so that you can try your strategy again. (9) At the banquet held by the company, you might as well drink more wine to show what a funny person you are.Telling the funny little things about how your husband played around on vacation and how he went to bed in pajama bottoms that looked like he was about to dance a polka will bring a lot of laughs to the party crowd.You will become the most prominent person at the party --- make fun of your husband, you will have endless information to publish interesting stories about your husband. (10) Whenever your husband has to work overtime or is on a business trip, you cry and complain and nag him.Let him know that you are the most important thing.You are the most worthy of care and should be cared for, any other price can be sacrificed. If you want to use first-class tactics and ruin your husband's chances of getting promoted, follow the ten rules above.As a result, he will lose his job and you will lose your husband. If your husband associates with those who are indecent, unruly, and ignorant for a long time, it will definitely have a subtle influence on him. To prevent this tendency, you must do your best to help him. 1 good words to persuade him You can't simply prevent them from interacting, so that he will think you are selfish and intolerant.You have to show the toughness of a woman, fine Explain the truth to him carefully and patiently, and let him understand that you don't want to interfere with his communication, but just hope that he can distinguish right from wrong, recognize true from false, evil from good, and make friends with choices.Let him know that although these people claim to be "Jianghu Yiqi", they are not reliable in reality, and it is harmful and not beneficial to associate with them, and they may be implicated.你还可以举些名人交友的故事和身边的事例说服他。 2带他结识好的朋友 常让他同自己一起去参加有益的学习和娱乐活动，多结识一些正直、热情、积极上进的朋友，让丈夫在比较中认识到与不三不四的人交友的种种不利之处。多安排些活动，以减少他与那些人交往的机会。这样，他就会渐渐领悟到你的心意而疏远那些人了。 3最后通牒 当你的劝告收不到明显效果时，你就有必要把劝告改为警告。你可以郑重地告诉他，你不希望自己的丈夫是个不三不四的人。如果再不尽早断绝与那些不三不四的朋友交往，你将会重新考虑你们之间的婚姻还要不要保持。另外，你也可以暂时不见他，让他冷静想一想，使之早下决心。 一个好的秘书应努力确保她老板的利益。她协助老板使工作得以顺利进行，做老板交待的做不完的琐事。她必须注意老板的意念，善于明察，消除老板因内政、外交不顺时产生的不良情绪。可见女秘书的工作范围，从削铅笔到接待客人，从照顾老板嗜好到宴会上替老板喝烈性葡萄酒，真是无所不能了。所以，完全可以这么确信：一个好的秘书就是男人成功的重要支点。 那么，女秘书的职责对妻子来讲意味着什么呢? 一个聪明、有远见的妻子会说：虽然我与女秘书的职责不同，虽然她在某些方面代替了我的职责，我应当为我的这么好的一位女同事感到高兴，因为我与女秘书都有着一个共同的目的——给她的老板、我的丈夫各方面细致关照，我们要相互合作，使他达到的事业的顶峰。 现实生活中，不少妻子却没有这么深刻的体会。妻子和女秘书常常依照相反的方向行事。妻子猜疑女秘书挑拨是非、无中生有；或是两人同时妒嫉对方的贡献与影响；或是女秘书觉得妻子太自私，太爱管闲事；或是妻子在丈夫回家后埋怨丈夫，依赖另一个女人。 如果说妻子与女秘书的关系处理得不好，也会使得丈夫心神不定，影响工作效率和事业的进程。作为丈夫，面对一个多疑的妻子要反反复复地解释，以免伤害她的感情；作为老板，他又要维系自己的尊严，照顾女秘书的面子(如果他认为这位女秘书是不可多得的话)。三方纠葛的结果是对他事业起不利影响。 但是，多数事实证明，要维持好三方良好的关系，妻子的态度更具决定意义。因为秘书为了保住她们的工作，她需要除了全面的工作能力外，还要与老板所亲近的每个人保持融洽的关系。 所以，作为妻子，当你的丈夫准备或者已经雇请了女秘书时，必须做好以下几点： 1不可傲慢、刻薄地对待女秘书 你是妻子，女秘书是佣人，你比她高一筹。你千万不能这么认为。要知道她是你丈夫聘来的值得高度信赖的同事，她与你一样都是在帮助一个男人走向成功。如果你常常以居高临下之势对待女秘书，显得你相当没有修养和风度，你的丈夫会因此看不起你! 2不要嫉妒女秘书漂亮的脸蛋和迷人的风采 爱美是每个人的天性和本性。可以说没有一个正常的男人不喜欢漂亮、迷人的女孩。甚至有人说，一个漂亮的女孩，像一束刚刚摘下的玫瑰花一样，可使办公室焕然一新。 女秘书漂亮、迷人，再加上得体入时的衣着，会更加光彩照人，这是她职业的需要，并不是刻意为老板一人所准备的。同是女人，作为养尊处优的太太你应当知道，在她们美丽的外表里有一颗纤弱、自卑的心，她们很羡慕你，她们也期待结婚做太太，她们付出的劳动比主妇要艰辛得多，但她们所获得的报偿与主妇是无法比较的。 3不要胡乱猜疑 一些心胸狭窄的妻子常常做出令人惊讶的事：丈夫晚归了，回来后追问不休，是否单独与女秘书在一起?是否与女秘书一道逛不夜城?其实，丈夫正与他的同僚为一个新的计划绞尽脑汁。丈夫带女秘书外出洽谈公务，临行前妻子再三叮嘱：瞧她那个妖样，你可得离她远一点!实际上丈夫纯是为了业务的需要才与女秘书一道前往，而妻子则以翻翻他的外套口袋、公文包，以期发现她想像的蛛丝马迹。 这些妻子总是认为丈夫很有吸引力、女秘书肯定会将他当作追求的目标。其实女秘书对老板的欣赏，或者老板对女秘书的欣赏，一般不会动真情。如果女秘书想与老板上床，老板肯定会怀疑她的用心及对他和事业的忠诚。而老板对女秘书的好感，大多取自于社交活动中的感情投资，这已是商业界、企业界非常通用的一种实际手段了。妻子必须深明这一点。既然你真诚地爱你的丈夫，你就应当完全相信他!一天到晚多疑忌妒，只会将你的丈夫往感情破裂的边缘上推。 4不要指使女秘书为自己服务 有些妻子认为女秘书是丈夫的雇员，自己也有权利去支配她、使唤她。其实，这是一种错误的想法。她只是老板的秘书，但绝不是你的佣人。如果你要她利用休息时间去帮你买戏票、面包食物及其他杂务，看在老板的面子上，她虽不好拒绝。但你要知道这既不是她份内的事，也不是她很愿意去做的。这样会分散她的工作精力。女秘书所领的薪水是为公司、为老板服务的报酬，包括除了公务以外的为老板选购送人的礼物，安排业务应酬，预订旅行中的房间，照顾老板的食宿等等。因此，她本身的事情就很多，除非老板曾对女秘书有特别要求，作为老板的太太不应随便使唤女秘书。 5女秘书主动帮你做事要表示谢意 尽管妻子和女秘书直接接触的机会不多，但在漫长的生活、工作里迟早会有接触的。一个灵活、多智的女秘书，会在老板在与不在的情况下，帮助其妻子做些力所能及的事情。因为，女秘书知道妻子如果在丈夫面前赞扬她，她将会得到意想不到的收获，加薪或者继续聘用都成为可能。 每个人帮人做了事，都喜欢听到赞赏和致谢。女秘书也是一样。 “疯狂嫉妒是犯罪吗?”这种标题，常在新闻和杂志上看到。太太用刀刺杀另有情人的丈夫；或原本是一对恋人，在男士决定与别人结婚时，却不断地给前任女友打讥诮电话。这种例子实在不胜枚举。 造字者实在高明，“嫉妒”这两个字，都是“女”字旁，可见这是专为女性造的字，也就是说，自古以来嫉妒就是女性的专利。相信有这种体验的人不在少数。 有些女士看到男朋友和其他女人站着闲聊，就满心不高兴，心焦如焚；或看到别的女人送礼物给他，就醋意大发，大发雷霆；更有甚者，在约会的时候，他看了一眼某个过路的女人，或无意间提到别的女人的名字，她就七窍生烟，大动肝火，这些都是嫉妒心理的表现。 如果说，爱情是需要表现的，那么，嫉妒也可算做其中的一种表现形式，只是这种形式显得陕隘、极端了些。不过，若能在谈话中巧妙地表现嫉妒，也能收到意想不到的效果。 举例来说，在约会的时候，当他正满脸喜色，神采飞扬的时候，可略显“心术不正”地说“你与其他女子谈话时，是不是也这么快乐?”如此稍显醋意的话语，相信他听了不但不会生气，反而会满心欢喜。又如你与朋友在咖啡厅里聊天，临回去的时候，你在男友耳边说：“我很讨厌你对别人的那种亲热态度。”“你们聊得真起劲呀，是不是'乐不思蜀'了?”还有好多这样的例子。 但是，如果你只是一味地嫉妒不顾及其他，那么效果也不会好的，甚至还会适得其反。真理再向前一步就是谬误!适当的嫉妒可以为爱情增色添姿，但如果嫉妒过头，那就会伤害爱情，甚至毁掉爱情。 若常年带“醋桶”，不分时间场合，只会死缠着对方，胡搅蛮缠，这肯定会引起对方的反感，这种表现在对方看来更多的是不解人意，而不是爱情。 刚交往的情侣，表现一下嫉妒或许很可爱，会增加一些爱的涟漪；但交往愈深，过分的嫉妒就愈难以让人接受。女性若表现出惊人的嫉妒，实在也是很可怕的事情。总之，嫉妒要依情形而为，所谓运用之妙，存乎一心也! 爱情不只是两个人的事，它会牵扯到父母、亲人、朋友、你不可能只在你与爱人之间牵一条红线，而斩断其余的线。 所以，要处理好这与双方相连的诸多的关系。 其实，这个道理在结婚前就应被掌握。 法国著名化学家巴斯特的求爱方法很独特，他没有直接深入，而是转了一个弯。1849年，巴斯特到斯特拉斯堡大学任化学教授。他悄悄地爱上了校长的女儿玛丽·罗伯特，却不知玛丽是否也爱他。于是他便写了一封信给未来的岳父，对自己作了坦诚的分析，不隐瞒出身的低微和贫困。通情达理的校长深受感动，并把信转给玛丽，让她自己作主。但是巴斯特其貌不扬，不修边幅，第一次见面使玛丽小姐很不满意。巴斯特对自己真挚的感情充满信心，他直接给玛丽写了封信：“我所要请求于你的是：不要过于匆忙地作出判断，判断太匆忙了，可能会有错误。时间会告诉你，在这个冷静的含蓄的、令你厌恶的外表里面，有一颗纯净的心。”最后，俩人终于结成伴侣。 巴斯特的作法一反常规，他先去征服岳父，再去说服他女儿，其实，他是挺聪明的，至少，他第一封信，使玛丽的父亲不再干涉此事，甚至他会成为巴斯特的一个好帮手。然后，他放下心，充满信心地去追求玛丽，这不能不说是一种机智的技巧。 谌容在小说《错，错，错》中描述了这样一位姑娘，她总把自己想像成冰清玉洁的“霓裳仙女”，祈望有一位宠爱她的天宫王子，自己不愿再承担任何义务和责任，终日生活在浪漫中，其结果自然是一种悲剧。她不应忘记，她的天宫王子也有父母。 假如你被男友邀请到家里做客，一定会有紧张感，其实若想通了，也没什么好紧张的，丑媳妇总要见公婆嘛，这时，你要好好想想，怎样去留给他的家人一个好印象。 你最好事先向男友打听他母亲的喜好，然后，携带他母亲喜爱的物品去拜访。因为，对男性而言，母亲在他心目中占有特殊的分量，你若能对他的母亲表现尊敬的态度，相信男友一定十分高兴。况且，母亲常常是一个家庭的灵魂，投其所好，会让你赢得一家人的喜爱。 曾有一家杂志社在举办座谈会，主题是“如何决定您的媳妇”。其中一位女编辑谈起她认识媳妇的经过。 那次，她的儿子带着女友回家，一见面，这位女编辑就对她有了开朗又可爱的印象，而加深这种印象的原因，则是当这女孩回去二三天后，寄给儿子的一封信，信虽平常，但她在最后一行，加上一句“停笔之前，烦请你代向令尊令堂问好，当我见到他们时，他们和蔼可亲，给我无比的温馨感”。当儿子将女友的信给母亲看，并且要求娶她时，这位女编辑欣然同意。 这女孩蛮聪明的，她不仅给男友的父母留下好的感觉，而且也让男友体察到她的细腻和慧心。 某位著名评论家的儿子，有一回带妻子回家，没想到，妻子当着他母亲的面，称他为“阿呆”。他的母亲听了极为生气，当面责问女孩：“你凭什么如此叫我的儿子?”女孩顿时吓得手足无措。 虽然一般人，会碍于情面，不便当面指责来客，然而，孩子被随便呼喊不雅的绰号，身为父母，心中感觉可想而知，所以，无论与你的丈夫多么亲密，在他双亲面前，语气不可过分随便，爱情与礼貌，二者不可混为一谈。 作为妻子，要善解人意，作为一个家的儿媳妇，更要善察人情。 对男性来说，这个问题也一样，你要学会讨岳母的喜欢。 有一个小故事，说船被浪打翻了，妻子和丈母娘先救哪一个?小伙子马上答说：“先救丈母娘”。 在中国，丈母娘爱女婿，是一个挺没道理的道理，所以，当岳母问你问题时，你要认真且专注地回答，当她滔滔不绝时，你要三缄其口，当一名热心的听众。 爱情与许多的东西相关，你生活在这个社会里，便一定要接触这些事，不要让你的生活中贫乏得只剩下爱情。 感情也不仅仅是两个人的事，它也会受许许多多方面的影响，对方的家人、对方的朋友，处理不好与他们的关系，会影响夫妻间的感情，制造出不必要的麻烦。 在现实生活中真情并不像人们想像中的那么简单、浪漫。所以，在你想表达感情的时候，先要动动脑筋，找到一个好办法，然后再去付诸行动。 在家庭中，婆媳关系最容易产生矛盾，而且产生矛盾后又不容易解决。婆媳关系一紧张，父子关系、母子关系、公媳关系、夫妻关系往往随之而紧张。其实，只要注意以下几点，婆媳关系是完全可以处理好的。 1相互尊重 婆婆和媳妇都要相互承认对方独立的人格，独立的经济地位，谁也不要支配谁，谁也不要听命于谁，全家的事情商量了办。如经济开支，涉及整个家庭的，集体讨论；属于个人范围内，互相不要干涉。又如管教孩子，主要是父母的事，如果感到媳妇管教方式不当，婆婆可事后提醒，决不要当着孩子的面去干涉，免得产生矛盾。总之，媳妇要多尊重婆婆，多想想婆婆年纪大，管家有经验；婆婆也要多尊重媳妇，多想想年轻人自有年轻人的想法，自己的“老框框”可能不合时宜了。 2相互谅解 媳妇要体谅老人，老人所想不可能和年轻人完全一样；婆婆也要多体谅媳妇，婆婆对待子女要一视同仁；媳妇和丈夫亲，要多考虑安慰老人，不要使老人产生一种孤独、落寞之感；但即使媳妇对丈夫照顾较多，对婆婆照顾有所不同，婆婆也应这样去想：“小夫妻亲热些，是好事”。在家务劳动方面，媳妇要照顾婆婆，自己多做些；婆婆要考虑媳妇工作忙，自己多帮帮她，这样双方的矛盾就小了。 3切忌争吵 在任何情况下，婆媳都不要“针尖对麦芒”地争吵，如果一方发火了，另一方要暂时忍让，过后再说。如果一吵，势必扩大矛盾，而且较难转弯。几次争吵，形成成见，就更不好调和了。平时如果有意见，不要和邻居、亲友乱讲，有机会时双方好好开诚布公地谈一谈，或是由儿子恳切地传达。 4父子要起缓冲作用 如果婆媳产生了矛盾，双方的丈夫一定要慎重对待。最好的办法，不管谁是谁非(在家庭中，一般情况下，也没有大是大非问题)，父亲与儿子都要保持“中立”，进行调解，等婆媳双方情绪平息下来后再说。千万不要“帮倒忙”。 5精神上的安慰和物质上的照顾相结合 媳妇对婆婆要多问寒问暖。当老人身体不适时多加照顾，在力所能及的情况下，经常买些老人爱吃的东西，这不仅是物质照顾，更主要的是精神上的安慰。婆婆对媳妇也是同样，婆婆有时可以买些东西给孙子孙女。但是婆媳无论为对方做了多少好事，都不要常挂在嘴上，对亲友、邻居宣扬；更不要在双方发生矛盾时“算账”。做了好事不讲，心里都有数；如果老是讲，结果可能适得其反。 在生活中，夫妻关系往往并不仅仅限于夫妻两人之间。父亲总是疼爱女儿的，对自己的女婿，则常常并不那么友好。因此，丈夫应该学会面对岳父“泰山”大人。 小王新婚不久，深得岳母的喜爱，却总是不知该如何面对冷漠的岳父。 一天，他陪妻子回娘家，又碰上岳父的冷脸。无意中，他发现岳父家的书柜里放着一副 象棋，就向岳父搭讪说：“您下象棋呀。”岳父眉头动了一下，又恢复了以往的冷淡，“嗯”了一声。细心的小王没有忽略这个小动作。他马上意识到岳父可能很喜欢下象棋。于是，他马上说了一句：“我也喜欢下象棋，可下得不太好。您能指点我一下吗?”嗜棋的岳父犹豫了一下，还是答应了。 结果，这一下，两个人下出了缘分，下出了感情。 现在，三天不见小王的面，岳父就会主动邀请小俩口去做客。可见，女婿和岳父，并非天生的仇人。 女婿对岳父母应存感激之心。虽说是自由恋爱，但岳父母花了半辈子心血才把女儿抚养成人，给你作了媳妇，这也是一种大恩大德，做女婿的应该铭记在心，加以报答。 女婿在岳父母面前要经常夸奖妻子，这是与岳父母和睦相处的需要，也是融洽夫妻关系的需要。你可以夸她心灵手巧，会织毛衣做家务；夸她心地善良，会待人处事；夸她孝顺贤惠，上尊父母，下和兄嫂；夸她治家有方，精打细算，会过日子。女婿夸奖女儿，说明小俩口关系融洽，岳父母对女儿的未来放心满意。在他们看来，女儿是自己一手抚养大的，女儿身上的优点都是自己培养教育的结果。女婿夸妻子就是在夸奖岳父母。女婿夸奖妻子，妻子高兴，岳父母更高兴。这种赞誉可以造成一种良好的家庭心理气氛，会引起家庭各方面良好的连锁反应，增进家庭的和睦。 女婿仅嘴巴甜而无实际行动，其赞许就会显得太廉价，其效果也就不会理想。一定要与行动紧密配合，多做奉献。对岳父母要从各方面给予照顾和帮助，特别是在生活上，钱多花一些，事多做一些，切记不要让妻子回娘家索取东西。娘家的兄弟姑嫂，很讨厌出阁的女儿回来要钱要物。许多家庭纠纷、婆媳矛盾就是由此而产生的。 赡养父母，是法律赋于子女的义务。女儿有义务，女婿同样有义务。平时多到岳父母家看看老人，谈谈心，遇到节日、生日买点礼品去祝贺，让老人精神愉快；还可以把岳父母请到自己家中住几天，调剂一下生活。 人们常说，女婿如半子。女婿对岳父母应如同自己的父母一样恭敬、孝顺。在各种场合都称岳父母为爸爸、妈妈，而且要自然、亲切。做女婿的嘴甜，意味着亲近，能起到沟通感情，融化心理隔阂的作用，也是亲情亲密感的填充。长辈人走过的生活道路长、经验多，应该允许岳父母过问小家庭的生活，允许他们指责挑剔，欢迎他们帮助指教。 但是，作为长辈应该意识到女婿与岳父母的关系，并非一种骨肉情，二者相处的基础是相互尊重。小俩口一旦发生矛盾，岳父母不要宠女儿，指责女婿；更不要乱出“馊主意”，致使女儿和女婿的矛盾越闹越大。岳父母对女婿的家务不要过分“参政”，当小俩口发生争吵时，最好不要介入。 女婿对岳父母尊敬，妻子也会对公婆尽孝道。反之，一个不关心岳父母的人，妻子同公婆的关系一定会受到影响。 男人要处理好同“泰山”的关系，同样也要处理好妻子与自己母亲的关系，否则，就只好当一块倒霉的“夹心饼”了。 阿国与妻阿敏是大学同学，婚后第四年，他们从外省调来家乡工作，与阿国父母同住。阿敏工作忙，常加班，家务事阿国多做了些，阿国妈心疼儿子，便埋怨她，说她回来吃现成饭。阿敏爱打扮，爱穿吊带裙，阿国妈看不惯。中秋节阿敏买月饼送给公婆，被阿国妈偷偷扔掉。阿敏炒几个菜，孝敬公婆，阿国妈也嫌她做得不好吃，且当面说“你真笨”。阿敏常向阿国哭诉委屈，要求分开住。他俩倾全部积蓄，买了房。搬出去住后，阿敏乐了，妈妈却恼了，说母子分离整整8年才团聚，为这个女人，又分开了。 阿国爸爸“文革”时受迫害，阿国妈妈在清贫艰难中一手养大惟一的孩子，母子感情很深。阿国母亲现已年近花甲，阿国要求妻子理解他，迁就母亲，更不要拒绝母亲来家小住，阿敏答应了。但是母亲每次一住就是几个月，对阿敏的态度也没有改变。因此阿敏与阿国多次为母亲激烈争吵。调回家乡工作以来，小夫妻是大闹小吵数不清，过去的情爱几乎吵得不见踪影。婚姻危机中，他们不敢要孩子。他们都已年过30，面临的却是家无宁日甚至是离婚的命运。 人的一生只有一个母亲，鱼与熊掌不能兼得时，阿国宁愿选择母亲，他需要一个能接纳母亲、又爱他的妻子。但当他接过妻子写好的“离婚协议书”时，双手发颤、泪眼模糊…… 在这件家庭纠纷中，如果贬低阿国妻子、住到他家指指点点的人不是他母亲，他会毫不客气地说，这是我们夫妻之间的私事，不需要你介入! 回家乡前，阿国既孝母，也爱妻。回家乡后这两件事发生了冲突，原因是母亲闯进了他们的二人天地，爱情鸟的飞行空间受到了限制。孝敬母亲与夫妻和睦本是平行而独立驾驶的两条船，只有不善操作的人才会互相撞沉。 对“孝”的理解不是与老人非要在形式上朝夕相处，也不是必须言听计从，而是在行动上关心他们的冷暖起居，在心中随时挂念他们，有空就去电话或亲自回家向他们问安。观念迥然不同的两代人硬绑在一起会产生“同住难”的烦恼，都会感到自身的私人空间被侵犯。 在家庭内的多边人际关系里，有一条主线是夫与妻。一切其他人际关系(包括子女)都不应该凌驾于夫妻关系之上。一个人结了婚却不重视婚姻是犯大错。如果他对他原本无辜的妻子都不能接受的话，这辈子只能不结婚才能尽“孝”了。 用牺牲婚姻孝顺母亲——阿国走进了“孝”的误区，他明知母亲过分挑剔还要难为妻子，也许这是促使母亲越发挑剔的原因。