Chapter 37 Lesson 10 Planning for a Career

Since ancient times, people have concretized the most masculine things in their minds into the image of men. Men are like dangerous peaks piercing into the sky, filling the world with rough lines; like a soothing and generous sea, they have a kind of power to impact the mind. . In fact, men's lives are far from as beautiful as we imagined. The traditional education they received from childhood is: achievement, achievement! Career, career! Enjoying life and being idle is almost a luxury based on a successful career.The overloaded operation of the machine will inevitably lead to the damage of parts. Every day for career, achievement, for the children, wives, and elderly people at home, the busy man has no time to rest, stop, or catch his breath.If I use an analogy to describe the life of a man, it is: a man is a car, carrying too many expectations, responsibilities, and concerns about his wife and children.

There is another aspect of men's mental stress, which the famous British philosopher Russell saw most clearly: "The history of civilization is mainly a record of the gradual decline of patriarchy." As far as our country is concerned, with the progress of civilization, the role of women's social status as "half the sky" has greatly impacted and disintegrated the authority of men in traditional concepts.In a society that advocates equality between men and women, women enjoy equal rights with men, and women's general participation in social activities has relatively weakened the power of men.

With the development of civilization, the competitiveness of society is more and more manifested as the competition of knowledge. Whether in intelligence or physical strength, women benefit from the outside world and become healthier and stronger day by day. Men's original physical advantages gradually disappear with the increasing mental work.When men and women bring this new pattern into the relationship between the sexes, today's men face unprecedented psychological pressure in the face of women who have become increasingly powerful through liberation.No man wants to bear the reputation of "eating soft food". When their wives achieve something, even if they don't want their deformed faces to be peeped by their beloved women, they still can't hide their inner disappointment. "This car" will continue to "squeak" and drive side by side with the woman.Medical figures can best illustrate the degree of damage to a man’s car under the pressure of life and career: according to expert statistics, as high as 35% of men over the age of 41 suffer from benign prostatic hyperplasia; since the 1960s, the number of deaths from prostate cancer has increased 17%; the incidence of heart disease in men is twice that of women!

The medical profession has gradually paid attention to the ancient and new field of andrology.Male reproductive health has increasingly become one of the focuses of the international community.These all indicate that with the progress of society and the change of medical concepts, people can freely talk about the status and development of male science with a scientific attitude.Correspondingly, due to the influence of traditional concepts, most men take a negative attitude towards the symptoms of their own diseases, or endure silently, or let them go. In their hearts, they may have this idea: "These two days are very busy. Let's talk about it later!" "It's a shameful thing, and it's too late to cover it up, how can I tell a stranger?"

A man is like a car, only when it is properly overhauled can it run normally.In fact, in modern society, challenges and pressures are becoming more and more intense. Men must learn to let go of some outdated views and erroneous ideas, pay attention to their physical and mental health, and live and work with a positive and relaxed attitude.If you feel unwell, you should actively seek help from a doctor for early treatment, erase the shadow of the burden of life, continue your achievements, retain your charm, and go further on the road to life. Love is equal, no matter how different the status of each other is, as long as there is love between a man and a woman, there is no distinction between high and low.But equal love does not mean that there will be no inclination and confusion.In the magnetic field of love between men and women, if one party is too devoted and devoted, the other party will feel a burden, and the balance of love will be broken by the heaviness of love.Therefore, love is not the arbitrary release of the desires of a man and a woman, and it is not a state of perfection that can be reached casually. That is to say, love also needs thought and art. To balance love, you must first balance yourself.

In the human marriage relationship, there are always regularities and commonalities between happiness and misfortune.Generally speaking, a happy family is always close to a kind of tacit equality, a kind of mutual understanding and support in the joys and sorrows of the rich and the poor, and a kind of marriage between the husband and wife who strives for simultaneous development (career, personality or spirituality). Self-esteem, independence and respect and regard for the spouse.In tragic marriages, the opposite is often the case.Apart from the infiltration of social reasons and homemade bitters, the very similar feature is the understanding of marriage as possession of the other party.

Men and women who devote too much energy to their careers will inevitably lose something in their families: because sometimes there are serious conflicts between careers and families-one party is busy with careers and no longer cares about family; the other party seems to be neglected, It's hard to get angry.But as long as you look through the layers of conflict, you can see that the deep psychology hidden in it is the obstacle between the desire to "possess" love and the inability to communicate frankly. How to solve the conflict between career and marriage has been discussed for a long time, but it always seems to be stuck in the allocation of time.It seems that "one party sacrifices" to make time for the other party; or both parties divide the "contracting projects" (referring to the distribution of housework); or rely on the improvement of the socialization of housework, etc., the conflict will be alleviated.

This actually externalizes and superficializes such marital conflicts.Not to mention the harmony between the career and life of the Curie couple abroad, Mrs. Thatcher cooks every day, etc.; under the same material conditions in our country, there are many examples of couples who have achieved success in their careers and have a happy marriage. . The problem is just that people interpret emotion differently. The relationship between career and marriage is mainly a matter for the couple.How the limited time of the day is allocated measures how different couples perceive emotions differently.Regardless of the "career type" or "life type", if you feel at ease that your spouse belongs to you and should make way for your own wishes, this kind of "possessive desire" is precisely the root of the tragedy of marriage.

For example, forgetting to sleep and eat for the sake of a career, for a single man, that is entirely his own business, but when he decides to marry another, he should have two people in his heart at the same time, because everyone has the right to develop independently, Each has its own due regard and value.If one party is under the banner of a career and "neglects" to do housework and makes the other party's housework burdensome, this is a kind of sanctimonious possession. If you devote yourself to your career without taking care of your family, you should make a choice between career and family as early as possible.Lin Qiaozhi gave up love and devoted herself to medicine, which is still very touching.But if you want to have both the fish and the bear's paw, you should voluntarily assume the obligations required by marriage.

Those who insist on sacrificing the development of their spouses for their own careers, let others do the complicated housework and enjoy the benefits themselves, it should be said that such people are very selfish from the bottom of their hearts. Neither spouse has to sacrifice for the other.Voluntary help is noble, but it is not a forced sacrifice, but a couple who have joined the same cause and realized their common aspirations and aspirations.Every manuscript and every letter of the famous translator Fu Lei is sorted out by his wife, praised, put forward revision suggestions, and cherished for preservation.The mutual affection during this period is the deep affection that will never change until death.

It is foolish selfishness to expect to hold a spouse in chains with domestic affairs.You know, when a person's world is only a dozen square meters, the "home" is like a dry well. It is irrational and impossible to try to possess love, love is by no means something that can be possessed. "Possession" is actually a fence, which prevents people from being happy, and makes one party either flee far away or secretly seek "the grass outside the fence". Therefore, in order to get true love, you must not be possessive. As a husband marches toward his career kingdom, it is his "goodwill ambassadors" who are never left behind. It is the responsibility of every wife to train herself to accomplish the communicative skills her husband needs in his career.No matter what the husband's occupation is, if the wife has the ability to get along well with people and has enough adaptability to communication, she can greatly increase the chances of success for the husband. It is wonderful if the wife is born with this ability; if not, she must learn to master it. Don't think that what your husband is doing now is a relatively low-level job, so you don't have to help.Future leaders in business, politics, and beyond are currently unknown, unknown young men.No one is at the top of their career right from the start.Are you ready for your husband to be famous again in 10, 20 or 30 years? By then he will be at the top. If you are not alert enough, you should learn to like, respect and appreciate other people.If you feel you lack an education, you shouldn't be hiding behind that old excuse -- "I never had a chance to go to college."You can go to evening school, and if you can't afford the tuition, hurry to the nearest public library. The wife who is left behind by her husband because she can't catch up with her husband's career is not a figure to be sympathetic to.Such people are usually too lazy or unwilling to take the initiative to improve themselves by taking advantage of the endless opportunities that surround them. Keeping up with the changing pace of your husband's career is the real key to marital happiness. Wives who want to catch up with their husbands' career should participate in social activities in order to increase their circle of friends, rather than confine their contacts to a small circle. No one knows what the future will hold.But a wise wife will be ready and waiting for the opportunity to come.Learning how to know and get along with friends is an essential part of your preparation before your husband gets an important position.This is the kind of work that will always help your husband, regardless of his occupation or social status.If he himself is a little clumsy in dealing with people, his shrewd wife will help him make up for his carelessness; Too old for the world. Showing kindness and kindness is an invaluable asset in a wife.Husbands who are busy with work often fail to establish warm interpersonal relationships that enhance the fun of life because they are too focused on work.How lucky he would be if he had a wife who could create a warm atmosphere wherever she went.Such a wife is never left behind while her husband moves forward in his career. If the husband works at home for a long time, and the wife has to deal with housework, such a wife is especially worthy of the husband's appreciation.Think about it, you have to walk quietly on your heels in the next room where your husband works; you have to accept your husband's request to turn off your half-used vacuum cleaner; , because these will hinder your husband's work. That being said, if you're married to a husband who has to work at home, it's really up to you to adjust.However However, if you have enough love for your husband, always maintain a good mood, and make up your mind to help your husband, you will be able to succeed.Many wives have done it. Here are a few simple rules that will be most helpful in helping your husband work efficiently at home: (1) Make him comfortable as best you can, then let him go and do your own work.Resist your urge to go in and see him for now, and check on him later to see how his work is going. (2) Don't disturb him while he's working, don't ask him to answer the door, babysit the kids, or pay the delivery clerk.You should do these things yourself, as if he were not at home.There are no exceptions to this rule. (3) Don't get flustered too easily.When his work isn't going well, he can be tense and restless.You can comfort him and stay calm and peaceful with him. (4) Arrange your social plan according to his time.Unless your house is large enough to completely isolate him, you can't have your friends over when he wants to work. (5) Arrange working hours with him so that the children have time to have fun without being stopped.A normal and healthy child cannot be quiet all day long.A reasonable father, of course, does not want this.Everyone would be happier if their rights were respected. The relationship between husband and wife is different from other relationships. It is maintained through romance and sex, so it is quite intimate.In addition, the fate of the two people has been determined-the family is a life collaboration, so if they can't talk about everything and understand each other, there will be cracks.In this sense, marriage can be said to be "a socially recognized interpersonal relationship—a man and a woman live together and are connected for a long time in terms of sex, emotion, and economy." "Getting married" and "establishing a career" are a pair of contradictions.After marriage, the burden of work and the burden of family are on the shoulders at the same time .Husband and wife should have the concept of "mixed doubles". Two people are like a pair of mixed doubles players in a table tennis match. No matter who is strong and who is weak, whoever makes more achievements in career, the whole family is honored. Xiao Zhao's husband is a manager.Before the Spring Festival, a sister Li from her husband's unit met Xiao Zhao on the road. Xiao Zhao asked her what she was doing, but she hesitated for a long time before saying that she would go out to buy some "New Year's goods".Xiao Zhao thought, the Spring Festival is almost here, who doesn't worry about the things at home, such as cleaning the house, buying holiday supplies and so on.But my husband usually doesn't care enough about the lives of the masses, and he just wants to work overtime to catch up with the target.Xiao Zhao suggested to her husband in time to take care of the employees' living problems. The husband felt that the words were good and the reminder was right, so he arranged for all employees in the company to rest for two days.The grassroots have handled it properly, which not only stabilized everyone's emotions, but also ensured that work tasks were completed on time. Da He's wife was holding a check in her hand, and she was going to make the factory celebration more grand. Gifts for superiors should be high-end, souvenirs for employees should be brand-name, and dinners for the whole factory should be delicious, so as not to be accused of trade unions. The chairman is too "stingy".After Da He learned about it, he quickly persuaded him not to make extravagance, as this would cause too much expenditure and cause adverse effects.Da He's wife didn't take it seriously at first, but after repeated persuasion, she came to her senses, and finally turned the factory celebration into a tea party, organized a competition to offer suggestions for the factory, and distributed small souvenirs to the winners.The actual cost of the entire factory celebration was only 5% of the original plan. Everyone praised the chairman of the trade union for taking a frugal start. The cost was not much, but the effect was good. A pair of "mixed doubles" players often have their own strengths, some are good at attacking, and some are good at defending.The couple should proceed from the specific situation of the family to find out the best plan to achieve their career.Many accomplished people have this experience: working hours are the main time for career achievement, and spare time is the best time for career breakthroughs.Many wonderful ideas and breakthrough inspirations were obtained after meals and before going to bed.When a person has a family, the best time is often taken up by housework.Both husband and wife can achieve something in their careers, which is undoubtedly what they expect, but it is often difficult to achieve.This requires one side to stand out a little, and the other side to sacrifice a little.Between husband and wife, it is not based on gender but on intelligence to determine who will be the key player in the career and who will be the assistant.One side who is an assistant makes a certain sacrifice, but in exchange for the other side's career success.For example, when Lu Xun was in financial difficulties, his wife Xu Guangping wanted to go out to work.But after discussing with Lu Xun, she felt that doing so would affect Lu Xun's creation, and the loss outweighed the gain, so she gave up this idea and was willing to play Lu Xun's supporting role. A friend is the vice president of a new newspaper group. He often feels chest tightness, dizziness, and breathlessness. He went to the hospital for an examination. The doctor said it was a heart disease, called "Boss Syndrome", which was caused by excessive life and work pressure. A psychological examination report of employees of foreign enterprises (mostly males) found that they had a high level of intelligence, but low self-evaluation and lack of self-confidence.It stands to reason that these people are the best in life, so how can they lack self-confidence? Actually, it is very simple. Working in a foreign company is very stressful and demanding, and the promotion goals set for themselves are constantly improving. lead to low self-confidence. There used to be an advertisement saying "Actually, men need more care", which made many men's hearts flutter, because it expresses the inner feelings of men.Nowadays, men feel more and more that they are too tired to live and face pressure from career and family all day long. When they are overwhelmed and at a loss, many people start to drink, gamble and even take drugs to seek relief. Where does this kind of pressure in life come from? There are many reasons for it. The social environment is certainly a factor that cannot be ignored. Men's understanding of themselves and women's surrounding environment is also an important factor.To regulate your emotions, you must start with your own inherent understanding and behavioral rules, because it is they that make men unable to adapt to society and make men tired.Here are a few rules in life, compare them, and see if you are troubled by these rules. Rule 1: Men don't flick their tears easily. Women can cry a lot when they are wronged or unhappy, but men who cry are considered worthless.This traditional rule has been passed down from generation to generation, making men unaccustomed to crying to vent their unhappiness and sorrow.Little do they know that crying is of great benefit to both men and women.Physiologists say that tears can kill bacteria, and crying can prevent pink eye; psychologists say that crying is an excellent way to express emotions, and it is more beneficial to health than other ways of catharsis.Men can't vent their pent-up emotions by crying, so they have to anesthetize themselves by drinking and smoking. In the mood.Since the pent-up emotions must be vented, then you might as well modify the rule of "a man does not flick his tears easily", and cry a lot by himself under the backlog of troubles, cry it out, and then go Isn't it good to be a big man? Rule 2: A man stands upright. In many family disputes, the essence of the dispute between the husband and wife is the man's understanding of women—whether to treat women as an independent individual and a partner in life, or to treat women only as an embellishment of a family.Male chauvinists often think that they should take the absolute initiative and dominance in the family, and women are just a rib of a man, and can only be in a passive and submissive position.The bad thing is that on the surface women seem to agree with this point of view. In fact, they are independent besides the protection of men. Can men fully satisfy them? Zhang Haozhe sang "A good man will not hurt the woman he loves a little bit" on the stage, which made many female fans feel tender. This is what women expect from men, and men must not take this as a standard.With the improvement of self-concept, today's women have really supported half of the sky. Why do men do such thankless things? This rule should be replaced by "a man can bend and stretch", adapt to social changes, adjust self-concept and self-worth, and put The lover is really regarded as the other half of life, sharing the pressure of family and life together, and the man may not be so tired. Rule Three: Men should welcome stimulation and challenge. Now some people are increasingly pursuing the stimulation and challenge of work and environment.Although he can get pleasure from continuous success, such a rhythm is also very harmful to his psychology.Psychological research has long pointed out that an irregular lifestyle will bring a lot of stress and cause physical and mental fatigue, and the uncertainty of the future will make people nervous all day long.If he doesn't have a good way to relax and vent, and he can't seek the encouragement and support of his lover, it's no wonder he isn't tired! In fact, a man's life should also be stable, and he should only seek stimulation and challenges at the right time. In addition, there are some general rules that can help you reduce stress in work and life: One is to build your own support system, that is, to make more friends.The friends here are not the wine and meat friends at the banquet in business, but the real bosom friend, the confidant, the person who can be trusted, talked to, and treated with sincerity.Originally, family members, colleagues and friends are personal support systems, but unfortunately, many times this kind of relationship is superficial and there is no real interaction. When you are upset, you will not talk to them or ask for help. This is a vent for personal emotions and stress. mitigation is useless.Only by establishing a real support system can we not be alone. The second is to seek the help of psychological personnel.Professional psychological counseling or psychological counseling can not only help you cope with the pressure of life and relieve emotional distress, but also help you examine and reflect, and promote your own growth.For men, especially men in the business world, it is very necessary to seek professional support and help. The key is whether you are determined to face your heart.Reading some psychological counseling and counseling books will help you adjust your psychological pressure. The most important thing is to maintain a high degree of sensitivity and awareness of your physical and mental conditions. Don't forget that physical and mental health is the foundation of life and career.Mental problems sometimes add up like physical diseases.The more psychological problems pile up, the greater the impact (often subconscious) on personal life, and the more complicated it is to deal with. What bothers you may be the above-mentioned problems, or other problems. Examine your life, get rid of inappropriate stereotypes, and live according to your own rhythm and rules, and you will have more ease. This situation often occurs in daily life: the wife always hopes that her husband can stay by her side, but the husband is not willing.Although the wife gave the husband delicious meals, and gave him a lot of tenderness and feminine tenderness, the husband still did not feel very happy.On the contrary, they will feel empty and boring, and the tighter the wife "sticks", the stronger this feeling will be for the husband. A simple example will make wives realize the truth: a couple stays together for many years, the husband goes home to accompany his wife after work, and the wife spends most of her time with her except for a small number of activities organized by women’s associations. stay at home inside.This is a typical small family that stays at home, with a warm and harmonious surface.But as time goes on, they all feel that their lives are too dull and boring.Once the husband had to go out with the boss of the company for a period of time due to business. After the husband left, the wife suddenly felt that the sky had changed. She went to social activities during the day and invited a few friends to chat at home at night to discuss hot topics among women.She feels that life is very fulfilling and meaningful.Although the husband has official duties with the boss, he has experienced the freedom and comfort he has never had before.After the two met again, they both felt the strong attraction of each other, which was fresh and moving. This is the joy and happiness between husband and wife brought by giving him (her) a space. Therefore, in the life of both sexes, unless the couple can respect each other's hobbies and give him a space, no marriage will be happy and beautiful.On a deeper level, it is ridiculously stupid to expect two people to have the same thoughts, the same opinions, and the same desires.Practically impossible and tedious. A standard single man with a successful career and a handsome appearance once said, "If there is a girl who is willing to accompany me, and when I want to be alone, she can understand and respect my basic request and let me be myself. things I like. Then I shall love her and marry her right away." A husband needs his wife to give her a certain space to enjoy some of his hobbies. A wife does not have to worry about him pursuing other girls or being confused by other girls. Only those who are tired of the small unit family life The husband will fall into the trap of the female fox. They get this sense of independence when the husband occasionally leaves the house on weekends to go bowling or play poker with a group of boys.Some husbands like to shut themselves in the study and stay quietly for a while in their spare time; some like to study a thrilling novel; some like to overhaul their car carefully.No matter how your husband arranges these happy free times, as long as he does not turn a certain hobby into a vice, if your wife can satisfy him as much as possible, then this wife is the wisest wife. So if you give your husband a big knife but don't give him the freedom to wield it, you might as well give him a paring knife. Family life is really varied.In some families, because the husband has no ambitions and indulges in small family life all day long, it causes a lot of troubles.Some families are unhappy because the husband concentrates on his career and has no time to take care of his wife and children.Faced with the latter situation, what should we do? It is true that people have feelings. Whether you are a lover before marriage or a couple after marriage, you all hope that your lover will have more time to accompany you and enjoy the thoughtfulness and tenderness of the other party. This is human nature .However, as an aspiring youth For young people, it is far from enough to be satisfied with the love of their children and love each other.If one ignores one's career, one's ambitions, one's ideals, muddles around every day, and is trapped in a small family circle, then this kind of family life will be pale, vulgar, and inconsistent with the spirit of the times. Youth is short and beautiful, love is noble and precious.However, all of this requires lofty ideals as the basis, otherwise, youth will be wasted, and love will become a despised selfish affair.Your husband's dedication to his career, his dedication to his work and his achievements will come at a price, even a sacrifice.As a wife, she should understand and support his career, share the housework for him, and make sacrifices are worthwhile.Generally speaking, a husband's dedication to his career does not exclude his love for his wife and children.He has not only you and the children in his heart, but also more important careers, which is exactly what today's society advocates. It seems that your understanding of life, family, love and happiness is biased, at least not comprehensive enough.What you see is only the personal gains and losses in family life, but you do not see that your husband is not only a member of the family, but also a person in society.He has his own ideals, career and pursuit, and you should be proud of having such a husband.If you can step out of the family world, you will see how respected and loved he is, and you will feel that he is cuter than when you first fell in love.Influenced by him, you may also become fascinated by your own work.If you understand and support your husband's work, encourage him when he has difficulties, and give advice when he succeeds, then your husband will not only achieve greater success in his career, but your love will also be further improved Floor, isn't this exactly what you want to get and expect? Of course, young people must be ambitious and not indulge in the small family circle. This does not mean that they can ignore and abandon the family relationship between people, and they are not in favor of sacrificing the interests of others and giving up their responsibilities to the family.On the contrary, while emphasizing the career, we should deepen this precious friendship in the world and the responsibility and affection for the family.Practice has proved that accomplished entrepreneurs, scholars and celebrities, when they have made great achievements, never forget to return to their warm homes and enjoy the warmth and joy with their wives and children.Because they know that a happy family is a powerful pillar of his success, leaving part of the time for his wife and children and doing housework with his wife in an appropriate amount will deepen the family relationship and bring greater success to his career. He Le Why not? In daily life, many men work differently from ordinary people. Their personality traits, hobbies, and dealing with others are inconsistent with others.As the saying goes, being a wife is hard, but being the wife of someone special is even harder.However, these special men are also human beings, with emotions and desires, and cannibalism.No matter how special they are, whether they are politicians or company managers; whether they are senior engineers or famous writers, they all need a warm home, a gentle and understanding wife, and lively and lovely children.Therefore, although they are special, although they are in a state of ecstasy for a certain cause for a certain period of time, in most cases they still have everything that ordinary people have, even better than ordinary people. The spiritual and emotional realm is higher.As their wives, as long as you carefully observe and study their characteristics, and give them the most appropriate help when they need it most, this family must be very beautiful, and your husband will achieve greater success. A designer of a decoration company had to work overtime in a short period of time in order to complete the decoration design of a big hotel that the boss just took over as soon as possible, but his wife didn't understand this very well, so he was very distressed.He said to a good friend: "For several months, I have to work overtime every day until late to go home. But my wife is very unhappy that I can't go home for dinner on time and can't go shopping with her. This large-scale decoration design It was important to me and my company's profitability and reputation, but my wife couldn't understand that. So the pressure on both sides was exhausting." This example reflects a very general question: What should a wife do when her husband is overworked? For wives, during some unusual labor of their husbands, or when they have something very fascinating and necessary to do, it is certainly not as intoxicating as the whispers and gentle strolls of the past and the moon, nor are they so intoxicating. As fun as a weekend picnic, no doubt about it.As a wife, she should stand by her husband's side while he is doing their thing some of the time, silently clenching her teeth like a nurse, bodyguard, and spiritual anchor, looking forward to the day when she can live a normal life again.You know, the desire to succeed at this time motivates a man to make him deaf, dumb, and blind to anything but the work around him, and his wife is his best sense! The following suggestions will make you do better: (1) Prepare delicious nutrition and food. When your husband is nervous and focused, the food you prepare for him should be easy to digest and have high nutritional value.You can eat one or two more meals than usual, and the amount should not be too much each time. (2) Learn to arrange your own time. If your husband is overworked, or simply not home from work, he won't be able to spend as much time with you or socialize with you as he used to.In this case, you have to arrange your time skillfully. You can do something you haven't done before, or you can invite a few girlfriends to have a party at home, or go to self-study some courses you are interested in.In order to fill the emptiness and loneliness that may arise because the husband is not at home. (3) Let your husband know your understanding and support for him. Husband works too much and must be mentally and physically exhausted.Try to make him have a comfortable and tidy environment after he comes home, and you must not be too lazy to tidy up the house just because your husband is not at home.The harsh environment has a bad influence on the mood of the husband.After the husband returns home, try to give him as much tenderness as possible, both physically and verbally, to let him relax mentally and restore physical strength as much as possible.Let him feel that everything he has done has been understood and supported by his wife. (4) When you feel alone and lonely, please tell yourself that this is only a temporary phenomenon. Generally speaking, the overwork of the husband does not happen often, and its time will not last for a long time.Therefore, when you suddenly don’t have your husband by your side, without your husband walking with you after dinner, and the tenderness and caress before going to bed, you will feel more or less lonely and lonely.But you have to warn yourself that your husband is working so hard for himself, not to mention that this is only a temporary phenomenon.When he's done, everything will be as good as ever. There are countless ordinary families in the world.Even the most ordinary husband wants to stand out and become famous one day.It can be said that extraordinary husbands are a minority after all. Government officials, diplomats, cutting-edge scientific researchers, famous writers, poets, famous actors, singers, etc. are all extraordinary people.However, they are still human beings, and they have more emotions and pursuits than ordinary people.They also need a home—a warm home, a wife—who is more understanding, supportive, and considerate than the average wife. Numerous facts prove that if it is difficult to be a wife, it is especially difficult to be the wife of an extraordinary person. The unhappiness and breakdown of many celebrity marriages is mostly because their wives are unable or unwilling to accept an extraordinary husband who wants to be successful in his career. One thing that wives need to understand is that although celebrities are human beings, they also have the joys, sorrows, joys, emotions, and six desires of ordinary people, but they cannot have everything for a certain benefit.For example, if a general wants to go on an expedition, he has to leave his wife and children behind; in order to achieve results, a scholar has to spend day and night in the laboratory, doing experiments and analyzing data;寻求一个僻静的地方，安静写作…… 可见，做一个名人的妻子要比一个普通人家的妻子为难得多。不过，有句话是值得这些妻子们深思和推崇的，那就是“只有不平凡的女人，才嫁得起不平凡的丈夫!” 做好以下几点，是做一个名人或不平凡妻子不可缺少的： (1)分析他的工作性质，尽量适应他的生活，工作习性。 (2)他或许并不需要你插手他的事情，但他却需要你理解他所做的一切。理解，在夫妻之间是比什么东西都要珍贵的礼品。惟有理解才能适应。 (3)做他事业上的忠实信徒，相信他一定会取得成功。在他顺利或受挫时都应如此。 (4)希望自己成功的人一般都有很强的自尊心。一旦他们遇到失败，他们会变得像孩子一样，心灵非常脆弱。做妻子的你应当知道这种时刻你是他最大的精神支柱，你的一言一行，一举一动都将会对他产生巨大的影响。你此时应当像一个“慈母”，给“孩子”以重新振作的信心和力量。 (5)多做一些小的牺牲，多承担一些家务。在某些关键时刻你既是他的妻子，同时还是他的同僚、秘书与高级顾问。 (6)学会自己支配时间，尽可能多地学习、掌握一些与丈夫事业有关的知识。学会用其他活动安排自己的业余时间，消除孤独与寂寞感。 (7)目光要放远一些，不要因眼前利益责怪丈夫。应切记：丈夫的成功就是你的成功。丈夫扬名时，也是你光彩照人之际。 (8)你应当为找了这样一个丈夫而感到高兴与自豪。因为名人不是每个想做的人都可以做的。在你因适应不了他而离开他时，你应当知道这是法律上的遗弃，你所失去的不仅仅是个丈夫，而是一位优秀人士。这也是你爱情的一个误点与缺陷。 (9)学会从不平凡的丈夫的点点滴滴中体味人生的乐趣与幸福。不要抱怨丈夫给你的时间太少，他的生命、情感除了属于你以外，还属于这个民族与国家，这本身就是能使你感到荣耀与满足的事。 现今的女性，要兼顾生活上的多重角色，那如何才能拥有美好的生活呢? 首先你要在脑海中描绘你真正想要的生活是怎样的，以此憧憬作为你的引路地图。现在，你可坐下来列出先后次序，在这方面花点时间，以决定什么能让你真正掌握你自己的生活，其余一切则顺其自然。 1掌握生活中的每一天 准备一个日记簿，记下你每天所花的时间。通常人们除去睡觉的时间，有30%都花在有规律的、日常的活动上。你要决定哪些日常生活是重要的，哪些可以不理，都要事先计划好。 2留意你精力的高峰期和低谷期 你要跟随你的身体状况和节奏行事。在临睡之前，用几分钟时间想一下刚刚过去的一天过得如何，并计划明天的程序和工作。这时也适宜反省一下自己列出的目标，有助你继续集中力量努力达到目标。 3简约生活 你无需每一分钟都忙个不停，多留点时间跟家人在一起。要学会习惯推掉一些你不想做或没有时间做的工作(而且不要有负疚感)。如有需要，可考虑聘请家务助理或佣工帮忙，切勿做守着电话的奴隶，可以留给电话录音机代劳。请切记你设定的先后次序是什么。 4保持积极心态 每天花点时间记下最少5件你觉得值得感谢和庆幸的事情，那可大大提醒你自己的生活有多美好。 5适度玩乐 如果要被迫减少休息时间，那么，与家人或朋友之间的关系也会开始受到影响的。找时间去玩一下吧，跟孩子一起看书，和他在地上搭积木，捉迷藏；一起看电影，或同呷一杯茶。这些实际上都需要，应在这种相处之中，让家人知道他们对你多么重要。 6分担工作 配偶和孩子都可帮上一把的，坐下来决定一个家庭的杂务和清洁等的琐事先后次序是什么，然后分配任务和工作，给孩子分配适合其年龄的任务，可帮助他们建立自信和独立；彼此分工合作不仅可令每个家庭成员拥有更多的时间，还可为你宁静温馨的生活增添乐趣。 7切勿疏忽自己 一个健康和保养得好的身体，才可轻易应付日常生活的种种压力，饮食要有营养及均衡，要定时运动，并尽量满足自己身体的其他需要，这些都是健康生活的忠告。 有什么需要做的，就去做吧!不要耽搁事情!逃避往往比实际上去做更花费精力，即使你不愿意开展一项工作，但只要你真的行动起来，就会忘却一切最初的顾虑。也许由最简单的部分开始会有帮助，然后慢慢放进最具挑战性的部分，但总要先开个头，立刻行动吧! 在如今的社会里，忙女人很多。忙女人可以分为事业型的忙女人和家庭型的忙女人。 事业型的忙女人大都渴望或向往事业成功，但是她们嘴上总是说自己不是强者。生怕别人说她们失去了女人的天性。但是在内心里，她们却在悄悄傲视其他女人，以满足女人的虚荣。她们忙起来的时候，让忙男人羡慕也让忙男人恐惧。因为她们比忙男人忙得从容不迫，忙得游刃有余，忙得干劲十足。忙男人忙起来，可以忙得晕头转向，忙得昏天黑地，忙得不 知月落何方家在哪里，忙得喝酒骂大街没有一点风度。而她们则更像按部就班的钟表，有条不紊地转动。她们即使心急如焚，也不愿意别人看到她们心中的浮躁，宁可暗自咬着牙，表面上也可以挂着微笑，依然保持着温文尔雅的姿态。她们即使在赶飞机的路上，也不会忘记掏出小镜子，看看自己的妆化得是否得体，衣服上、鞋子上是否沾有灰土。她们即使日理万机，也会用一个笔记本或时尚的商务通，事先记录下当天应该做的事，如果做不完不轻易罢休，实在没有办法留在明天的事依然会不知疲倦地去做完，直到事情符合自己追求完美的心愿为止。这时她们会觉得特别愉快，仿佛征服了整个世界。从这个意义上讲，她们比男人更像“工作狂”。尽管内心很累，但是成功的喜悦会给她们巨大的安慰，她们因此觉得生活特美好。但是她们却总是说自己并不想侵略男人的世界，她们说其实自己更想当一个家庭妇女，过安稳的没有喧嚣的生活。可以按照自己的天性守望自己的家园，守望着自己的男人和孩子，不管外面的世界是否精彩。然而她们其实无法做到这些，因为成功的惯性使她们像卫星一样难以脱离自己的轨道。她们的家可能很乱，但这并不是因为她们懒惰，而是她们觉得乱也是风景。她们可以在家里堆很多脏衣服，但是出门的时候，却永远是衣冠楚楚。这些忙女人如果温柔起来，是很有品位的，如果忙里偷闲，享受一下生活，是比其他女人更会享受的，而且是高档次的享受。 家庭型的忙女人不同于事业型的忙女人，她们或者在工作中偷懒而精力留给家里或者本来就没有工作而把照顾家庭作为了天职。因此她们尽管不如事业型的忙女人那样忙得潇洒忙得风光，但却忙得自由自在，忙得朴实而琐碎。如果说起来，她们会说得更有内容，甚至可以滔滔不绝。她们会在厨房里忙上一个小时，而饭后会忙上更长的时间，让人觉得不可思议，实在猜不出她们收拾厨房为何需要那么长的时间?而她们自己并不觉得奇怪，说你们不知道厨房有多脏多乱。她们会在擦拭了房间所有的角落后还仔细地寻找地上的头发，甚至可以发明胶棒去沾头发。她们去自由市场买菜会走几个来回，然后也不一定能够决定到底应该买什么东西。如果去逛超市，她们可以逛几个小时浏览了货架上所有的商品，然后提着一大堆东西气喘吁吁回家，让人弄不清究竟是什么力量支使她们可以进行如此的“长征”。晚上临睡前她们会说“我今天实在太忙了，你们不知道我今天有多忙”。 家庭型的忙女人，她们一边说：“咱没有人家那样的本事”，也一边说：“看她们那臭美样，活得多累呀，男不男人女不女人，你看我，尽管忙，但是忙得自由，想吃就吃，想睡就睡，多好。” 闲女人不分事业型和家庭型，因为她们的特点是懒惰或追求享受，她们在天性上比其他女人更依赖男人。无论是有钱的“贵妇人”，还是没钱的下岗女工，都有这种闲女人。只是“贵妇人”闲得洒脱闲得轻松，可以尽情地享受生活，而下岗闲女人却不愿意干自己不喜欢的事，宁可在家呆着干家务聊大天，嘴上却说：“钱多了多花，钱少了少花，无所谓的事，在家里呆着多美，想干嘛干嘛。” 所有的闲女人都闲得有特点闲得饱满，她们把打发时光消磨生活当成生活的乐趣。她们比闲男人充实。闲男人耐不住寂寞，他们心里发毛，总是把自己放置在酒杯里麻醉自己的灵魂，或者扎堆结伙凑在路灯下，用纸牌和象棋较量各自的智商，或者叼着烟卷争论着发财的窍门，但是却眼高手低什么都不去做，还觉得自己活得潇洒，晚上做梦也恨不能吃“软饭”。闲女人尽管也喜欢凑在一起絮絮叨叨，但却是言之有物，她们的想像总是很具体地安排明天的生活，而很少像男人那样海阔天空说大话，不着边际地胡吹海聊。“贵妇人”型的闲女人还闲得很浪漫，喜欢追求高雅，她们或者联系几个女友去打高尔夫和保龄球还有网球和游泳，逢节假日还会到五星级酒店里的夜总会去逍遥，举一杯红酒让别人赞扬一下自己的服饰，心理觉得特别的风光。有时再有“靓仔”或“帅哥”陪着，得意得很。而没钱的闲女人则也自得其乐，她们凑在一起“垒长城”，吸着劣质的纸烟不讲究室内的空气，喝着很一般的白酒和啤酒，聊着自己单位同事的低级故事，指点着左邻右舍的家长里短，可以感觉到很淋漓的宣泄。提着篮子买菜和小商贩讨价还价，全当练口才的一种方式，好玩极了。晚上或者到马路边去跳舞或者到谁家去卡拉OK，也觉得潇洒浪漫。实在没事的时候，还可以在家看电视，从“节目预报”一直看到“节目预报”，然后一觉睡到天亮，醒来看看天说：“今天的太阳真好。”但她们却很少找“靓仔”或“帅哥”，她们没有那个品位和档次。如果一旦粘上了哪位男人，就会“真刀真枪”地整出点事来难以收场。 事业型的忙女人瞧不起闲女人，觉得她们活得空虚无聊活得无所事事，觉得她们是弱智是傻子。女人不仅应该创造生命也应该创造世界，至少应该能够和男人一起享受成功的喜悦，而不应该成为男人的“附属品”，还觉得是天性使然，觉得她们真是可悲可怜在浪费自己的生命。如果让事业型忙女人与那些“贵妇人”一同听着高雅音乐，聊着主流社会的话题，她们也并不觉得自己矮了几分，会想方设法用自己的成功和经历，显示着自己的高品味，使其他女人觉得自愧不如。而家庭型的忙女人最不喜欢和闲女人对比，因为尽管她们脑子里都 装满了丈夫和孩子，但是她们大都不愿意接触太多的社交场合，甚至不喜欢与人交往，我行我素，独往独来，她们既不愿意出入保龄球馆和音乐酒吧，也不愿意弄一群女人在家里闲聊。喜欢安静是她们的特征，忙家务是她们的本分。家庭是太阳，她们自己是月亮。当月亮是很幸福的事。而闲女人也瞧不起事业型的忙女人，觉得她们似乎已经不那么女人，没有温良恭俭让没有贤妻良母的美德，甚至缺少千种风情水性杨花，放着男人这座大山不去依靠，享受溪水绕山的柔情和轻松，偏要在那里雄浑，简直是不知天高地厚。她们觉得自己的活法更轻松更美。 事业型的忙女人也有闲的时候，她们可以闲得浪漫，闲得优雅，她们可以和男人一起去垂钓，可以在音乐中自得其乐；或者逛一天大街买一批衣服，以弥补她们天然的空白；或者睡一天大觉，让男人在厨房里演一出滑稽的喜剧，出尽自己手忙脚乱的丑。忙女人忙的时候真忙，闲的时候真闲，她们忙闲非常的分明。 闲女人也有忙的时候，闲女人忙的时候可以让人觉出世界到了末日。因为平时闲女人像编织自己的毛衣一样编织自己的生活，一旦她们手忙脚乱的时候，肯定是哪里出了事或者听说太阳要从北面出来之类的事件发生。她们会奔走相告让所有的闲女人都忙起来，于是整个世界便出现了混乱。闲女人这种滑稽的忙乱常常让忙女人笑话，于是忙女人便对自己说，让她们先忙去吧，我得轻闲一会儿了。 其实忙女人再忙也渴望闲女人的悠闲。 其实闲女人再闲也向往忙女人的洒脱。 社会在进步，忙女人正在走向闲女人，闲女人也正在走向忙女人。最后，她们拥抱在一起说，其实我们都是女人。 有些传统观念很强的男人，在家庭中处于主导地位，当各方面都超过妻子时，他感到心安理得；如果有朝一日妻子高过自己，他就感到脸上无光，很压抑，心理失衡，夫妻关系甚至出现危机。 有一位干部的妻子在话剧团当演员的时候，夫妻平起平坐，感情很好。后来，妻子不甘于此，用业余时间进修学习，毕业后当上导演，导了几部很有影响的电视剧，经济收入也远 远超过了丈夫。过去，妻子做家务，侍候他，现在妻子忙，有时顾不了家了。电视台来家里采访妻子时，他做陪衬。在妻子出人头地的业绩面前，他自叹不如，让他当绿叶，他受不了了。于是心理不再平衡，夫妻矛盾增加，而且越闹越深，最终走到了离异的边缘。 这位干部容不得妻子超过自己，对能力在自己之上的妻子他无法面对，最终不惜抛弃幸福家庭，以此来维护自己狭隘的尊严。显然，这是表现在夫妻关系上的一种扭曲心态。 当然，在这方面也有相反的事例。某部医院一位女少校军官与一个士兵的结合就给了人们不少启示。他们结婚前就在一个医院工作，在共同事业中建立了感情，产生了爱情。当时男的是一名志愿兵，而女的是一个少尉护士，在地位上彼此不相上下。结婚后，日子过得很和美。几年后，妻子的职务不断提升，成了校官，丈夫却还是个士兵，两个人的地位反差越来越大了。在这种情况之下，两个人的爱情面临着考验。一方面，妻子始终以爱情为重，对丈夫很好，从不歧视他；另一方面，丈夫表现得很理性，他同样深爱自己的妻子，为妻子的进步感到高兴。他主动做一些家务，支持妻子的工作。同时，在本职工作中，他更加努力，在业余时间参加自学考试，取得大专文凭，还在技术上不断钻研，革新多个项目，多次受到奖励。在职务上他虽然不如妻子高，可是在工作上他的贡献却不少，自认为自己是努力的，问心无愧。所以，在家庭中他的心理很平衡，夫妻关系一直很好，赢得了人们的称赞。 上面两个事例中，各自采取了不同的处理方式，孰优孰劣，不言自明。 在当今社会，随着职业女性地位的提高，女性正在各行各业做出前所未有的成绩，大批出类拔萃的女强人涌现出来，很多男人将面临妻子超过自己的局面。在这种情况下，如何维系家庭，如何维护良好的夫妻关系是一个十分现实的问题。为此，职业女性家庭起码要注意以下几个问题： (1)摆脱旧观念，适应新变化。要懂得爱情是家庭的基础，而夫妻地位的高低并不是决定性因素。只要把夫妻关系放在爱情这个支点上，就不会因地位变化而出现危机。至于谁对家庭贡献大些，那都是正常的，大可不必受传统习俗左右，非要男人当主心骨不可。在这里，用得着一句名言：时代不同了，男女都一样。只要这样想问题，当妻子超过丈夫的时候，丈夫就不会感到心里不平衡，相反会为妻子的进步高兴，感到光荣。 (2)丈夫当好家庭后勤，支持妻子工作。仅仅从心理上摆对位置还是不够的，当妻子能力比自己强，是遇到了上进的机会时，就要支持妻子超过自己。在家庭中，要做妻子的贤内助，全力帮助妻子开拓事业。这样一来，在妻子的成功中，也就包含了丈夫的贡献，这同样可以在心理上找到平衡。有一位中年女医学专家，在“文革”中下乡当赤脚医生时，与一位普通司机相爱，组成家庭。回城后，她考上医学院，丈夫担负起所有家务活，还要照看孩子，支持她上完了大学。她在事业上不断发展，后来成为有名的妇科专家、主任医师。而文化不高的丈夫依然是一位司机，他把家务事全担当起来；还专门给妻子开车，接送她上下班。妻子对丈夫的支持十分感激，在言行上同样尊重丈夫，丈夫并不感到自卑，或低妻一等，他们生活得十分幸福。由此可见，丈夫把妻子的事业当成自己的事业，积极支持地位高过自己的妻子创造辉煌，这同样是明智之举。 (3)努力提高自己，不断有所追求。面对妻子的进步，既要保持心理平衡，又不能满足现状。在可能的情况下，要有所进步，尽全力提升自己。像那位志愿兵那样，在工作上不甘落后，在自己力所能及的范围内做出更大成绩。从根本上说，这是使爱情具有永恒意义的因素。 说话回来，在维护夫妻关系上，仅仅丈夫正确对待还是不够的，妻子的态度言行也很关键。如果妻子因地位变化而看不起不如自己的丈夫，那就是另一种结局了。 有位女厂长，事业心很强，一心扑在工作上，当厂长后，带领全厂职工一年就扭亏为盈。组织生产她指挥若定，颇有大将风度，说起工作她总是滔滔不绝，有条有理。但一谈到她的家庭，她便常常面有难色，言语间充满了对丈夫和儿子的内疚感。她的丈夫常当着客人的面说他们父子俩是没有疼没人爱的流浪汉，儿子也总是抱怨妈妈不关心他。为此，她很是苦恼，不知如何处理才能解脱出来。据调查，在事业型女性中类似情况绝非少数，作为一名已婚女性，在一身兼妻子、母亲、儿媳三重角色的情况下，挑起事业的重担，家庭与事业的冲 突是难以避免的。现代女性追求的是既要事业也要家庭的理想，既不愿为家庭所累而平庸一生，又不愿为了事业而家不成家，背负着对丈夫和孩子的内疚感去工作。那么怎样才能解决这些矛盾呢?据社会学家和心理学家对广州50多位女厂长、女经理的调查分析，以下几种方法可资借鉴： (1)系好感情的纽带。家庭是事业的巨大支柱，一个女性在事业上奋斗离不开丈夫的理解和支持。对此，作为妻子首先应在感情上给予充分的满足。感情是家庭的纽带，无论工作多忙，都不可置丈夫的感情需求于不顾，当丈夫事多的时候；病倒在床的时候；事业受挫、苦闷彷徨的时候；或为生活的重负精疲力竭的时候，妻子若能送去温柔亲切的话语、体贴宽慰的爱抚或风趣幽默的笑谈，都能给对方精神上带来极大的满足，从而使感情的纽带处在最佳状态。 (2)及时调整角色。无论你在事业上如何功勋卓著，不管你在职位上怎样叱咤风云，回到家中，你便是公婆的儿媳、丈夫的妻子、孩子的母亲、一家之主妇。因此，继续板着面孔，发号施令，颐指气使，显然不是明智之举，男子汉大丈夫最怕夫人对自己指手划脚。尤其是对于比自己强的妻子，一句盛气凌人的话、一个不屑一顾眼光，都会深深刺伤他的自尊心，深感人格上的屈辱。因此，事业型女性不仅要注意回家后及时进入自己的主妇角色，态度平和，而且应毫不掩饰地展现自己的娇柔之情，使丈夫感情上得到满足，心理上得到平衡，有了这些还怕不理解和不支持吗? (3)把深沉的爱用在关键时刻。事业型女性一般都有较明确的追求或身负一定责任，工作繁忙、时间紧张。若要求她们像一般女子那样对丈夫无微不至、事事周全恐不实际，重要的是讲求关心的质量，关键时刻、紧要环节要照顾到。要做到这一点，首先就要了解丈夫孩子的特殊爱好和最需要你的时候。如有的丈夫希望周末能有夫人陪伴品茶听戏；有的丈夫喜欢节假日全家郊游，有的丈夫很重视生日、结婚纪念日等有纪念意义的时间；孩子则要求母亲务必出席家长会等等。这类事情一般都是稍加留意就能注意到的，作为女性应在可能的情况下排开日程，尽量满足他们的精神需求。其次要有见缝插针的功夫，做一些费时不多，但收效甚佳的事，使你音容笑貌出现在他最需要你的时候。如丈夫病了务必挤时间前往守候；丈夫出差在外，寄上一封亲昵深情的情书；在他遇到困难、蒙受冤屈时，寄予同情，给予鼓励，同舟共济；在生活上若是无暇为其编织毛衣的，那么可为他精心选购成衣或请别人代劳；周末假日不能陪家人娱乐时，可帮助找些影剧舞票，略表诚意。虽然这些都是小事一桩，但却恰似甘露，换来家人的理解和支持。 (4)尽施母爱。母爱是人类最神圣的爱，是不可取代的爱。惟其如此，事业型的女性常常为自己的子女未得到足够的母爱而深深自责。一些成功的事例表明，解决这一矛盾较好的办法，首先是要把施之母爱作为自己神圣的职责，既要在宏观上运筹帷幄，又要于细微之处见精神。居里夫人对两个女儿的母爱主要体现在人格的塑造和才能的培养上。女孩子胆小，她就对她们提出四不怕的要求：不怕天黑、不怕打雷、不怕盗贼、不怕流行病。为此她多次亲自带着她们荡秋千、玩吊环、爬绳子、骑车远游、海中游泳、山中旅行，甚至在战争的炮火中去抢救伤员经受锻炼。同时对于生活中的细微之处她也从不放过，不仅对两个孩子的衣食住行都作出妥善安排，而且对小女儿小艾芙的过于追求时髦的缺点及时给予提醒和纠正。指出她的化妆不够端庄，衣着不够得体等。在她的严格教育和培养下，大女儿依丽娜成长为全世界继居里夫人之后的第二位女性诺贝尔奖金获得者，小女儿也成为颇有成就的音乐家。对事业型女性来说，充足的业余时间是一种难得的奢侈，因此需要利用吃饭和做家务等一切时间，多听子女们诉说自己的想法，以了解和掌握他们的思想脉搏，用表扬、鼓励、理解和安慰为主的方法，尽量满足他们的正当要求。其次是要注意在孩子们心中树立父亲的威信，力求把慈母严父的爱融为一体，互为补充，以创造良好的家庭气氛。 另外，搞好家庭内部的基本设施建设也是不可缺少的环节，现代化的家庭设备可以大大缩短家务劳动时间，使用技术先进的设施，无论是事业型女性自己动手还是丈夫或孩子代劳，无疑都会一定程度地减少那种对丈夫和孩子的内疚感。 男人之所以害怕“女强人”，并且不愿娶她们为妻，究其原因大致有三条。 1害怕自己不如妻子，显得不像个男子汉 有一位美丽而能干的美国小姐说，当她在一家银行工作一帆风顺时，引起了丈夫的不