Chapter 34 Lesson 7 Marriage Adaptability Improvement

Discord between two people in a marriage is a perfectly logical thing. A group of friends who had been married for a long time got together and talked about personality conflicts in their marriages. It turns out that all the marriages in the room were not spared. Isn't this a strange thing? At the beginning, the two were in love with each other, and they believed that their personalities matched, so they would not marry unless they were kings.why married for a few years Do you come later to complain about the various differences between the other party and yourself? Does love make people blind? Or does a married person become more discerning, making him or her have many unique criticisms of a spouse who is not bad in the eyes of others?

There was once such a couple: the husband loved to buy things indiscriminately, and the piles at home were like mountains.If the head of the bed is full, it will be piled on the floor; if the floor is full, it will occupy the corridor.The wife is tired of cleaning and tidying up, so every time the husband goes out or travels, the two start to quarrel when the husband buys something.Talking about this, the wife hates her teeth itching. In another couple, the wife has a straightforward personality and speaks frankly. Whenever she speaks, she will offend others, and she will not admit her mistakes after offending others.But the husband believes that there is no right or wrong in the world, only the need to maintain harmony; therefore, the wife wants to fight all day long, but has no opponent. Because the husband adopts a cold war attitude, they do not talk to each other, and the marriage relationship is becoming more and more indifferent.When talking about his wife, the husband looked helpless and sympathetic.

There are thousands of different stories about different personalities, and their complexity and idiosyncrasy often surprise outsiders. These two random examples are the "discord" that the insider suffers deeply, but it is difficult for the outsider to understand deadlock. Therefore, we can't help but ask, since there will be personality differences, why did they get married in the first place? The answer is actually very simple. Why are there so many disagreements in marriage? It is because they are married! If you are only friends with a person with a different personality, you will never have the opportunity to touch many difficult parts of your personality; a colleague or boss with a different personality , No matter how inconsistent they are, there are also restrictions on the authority of the position, and it is necessary to maintain superficial cooperation and a safe distance.

However, in a very closed and intimate marriage relationship, where the distance is very close, and the potential factors of personality differences can be fully displayed freely, it can be difficult. Because of shared interests, differences that may not necessarily constitute trouble in friendship will become big problems; because of close relationship, differences that others can laugh at, but in marriage people may feel painful because of years of enduring. "The best and the worst for you" is a common game in marriage. If you quarrel with a colleague and have sequelae, if you quarrel with a friend, the other party will turn around and leave. At worst, you can also break your relationship with him.

Only the spouse and children, no matter how you scold him, as long as it is not to the point of tearing his face, he (she) cannot just walk away. "See how far I can force you and you won't walk away?" This is another game in marriage.Therefore, "disagreement" has become a big problem. Now that you’re married, you can’t say goodbye to “incompatibility” as gracefully as changing a company or breaking up with someone. You can only find a way to live with it after discovering the fact of “incompatibility”? Moreover, we must be careful not to let the resentment and helplessness of "discord" that barely coexist invade the territory of love, so that the phenomenon of "discord" in marriage will expand, and the emotional compatibility will gradually disappear.

The "compatibility" before marriage may also be the "discord" after marriage. A wife who hates her husband for buying things indiscriminately may agree with her husband because she was deeply impressed by her husband’s generosity before marriage; a husband who hates his wife’s outspokenness is probably because he admires the frankness and generosity of this woman in love! It’s just that people When you are tempted by the conditions of choosing an object, you often see the forest for the trees, and you just don’t have a vision. This discovery may bring relief to friends who are suffering in their marriages due to personality differences.

It turned out that after getting married, I discovered: How could there be so many inconsistencies? It would have been a very logical thing. After marriage, you often feel a sense of loss.This is mainly manifested in the fact that your hobbies and interests are limited in a certain sense.For example, before marriage, you had a cheerful personality and a wide range of hobbies, and you rode a bicycle for outings every holiday.I like to play go, bridge, etc. In short, my spare time life is very fulfilling.However, your wife is an introverted person. In addition to reading and watching TV in her spare time, she does some odd jobs and likes to do things she loves alone.You are eager to spend spare time with her, but most of them are politely rejected by her.She's not interested in the things you like.what to do?

In fact, you don't have to pay too much attention to it, let alone feel distressed.You should know that people's living environment and cultural accomplishment are all different, which determine people's personalities and hobbies are also different.In real life, it is very difficult to find a couple with exactly the same personality, taste, and hobbies, and it is rare for couples to break up because of this.This is because: a happy marriage is based on the sincere feelings of both parties.Whether a marriage is happy or not depends mainly on whether the hearts of the two are in harmony with each other, not whether their interests and hobbies are exactly the same.Therefore, it is unreasonable to overemphasize the same interests and hobbies between husband and wife.Of course, common interests and hobbies may make the flower of love more fragrant and beautiful, but without this common point, the flower of love will not wither.In the long river of love, it is just a drop of water, not enough to control the smooth swimming of the boat of love.Therefore, if your lover has different interests and hobbies than your own, you don't have to worry about it. You should handle this relationship well if possible.

First of all, we must understand that a person's interests and hobbies are determined by many factors such as psychological quality.Therefore, you cannot ask the other party to change your interests and hobbies immediately, let alone impose your interests and hobbies on the other party. The result of imposition can only be counterproductive.Therefore, it is necessary to respect and adapt to each other's interests and hobbies on the basis of mutual equality.If things go on like this, the interests and hobbies between husband and wife are likely to tend to balance, and to achieve psychological coordination and communication.

Secondly, learn from each other and develop a wide range of hobbies.Generally speaking, a person's interests and hobbies.It reflects a person's quality and embodies a person's sentiment and style. Therefore, as a young person, he should learn a little more on the basis of completing his job well, so as to fill his lack of experience and knowledge and enrich his own life. own life.Although love is based on mutual understanding, if both parties have a wide range of hobbies and elegant tastes, it will make love even better.The best way to cultivate a wide range of interests and hobbies is to participate in various activities when conditions permit, and cultivate common interests and hobbies between both parties in the activities.

In short, when you and your lover have different interests and hobbies, don't be anxious about it. It is advisable to try to adapt to each other and increase your own interests and hobbies while letting nature take its course. Men tend to succumb to some sort of social bondage.This kind of restraint is sometimes society and your hopes and requirements for him.For example, those myths of men, masculinity, and so on.Some men break free from this bondage, others are locked away forever, and many men are torn between how society demands they should feel and how they feel about themselves. When a man comes into the world, he must go through a process of socialization.The socialization process taught him how to repress his emotional desires and made him aware of the taboos of life.However, many of these taboos are essential.For example, "Do not pierce with a fork Your little brother", while others are arbitrary - "A man should never cry". Society has taught men what to do and what not to do, and then they themselves go one step further and understand what they cannot and must do. What the hell is a man thinking? In fact, he has the same thoughts in his mind as you do: freedom, love, marriage, career... In other words, he thinks about everything. A man who expresses his emotions freely is often seen as not manly enough.If a man expresses his emotions in public, or cries, or throws a fit, or shakes with fear, or laughs out loud, it makes others feel uncomfortable. If a male politician reveals his inner feelings, his image will be greatly reduced immediately, and his prestige will undoubtedly be reduced.The exposure of politicians' feelings will bring many shadows to their political life. Although many men are aware of their needs, they are unwilling or afraid to rebel against the precepts of society, so they wear a high-sounding mask.This mask is sometimes difficult to pierce.However, as long as you pay attention to it, you will be able to discover the real face of the man behind the mask. It turns out that it is not a superman, but a flawed, flesh-and-blood person. 1 one of the masks Many men see themselves as men, not as ordinary people.So, they can't jump out of the masculine mythology, and they are overwhelmed by the concept of masculinity.Because ideas have been divorced from their essence, their characteristics and precious things are imprisoned so deeply that even those indispensable human feelings are lost. This repression begins in childhood.A young boy quickly learns to carry the banner of manliness.They often try to give you a feeling: strong.It seems that they have an inexhaustible capacity not only to endure pain but to withstand any emotional blow. However, people are very fragile emotionally, and men are also human beings, so men are also vulnerable.Male myths are often illogical. If a man wants to become the man in other people's and his own mind, he must do the following: Can't cry. Can't appear vulnerable. Caress and tenderness cannot be demanded. Consolation must be given to others, and it is never desired to be comforted. Only others need him, not he needs others. You can only touch others, never be touched by others. I would rather be a piece of steel than a piece of meat. There must be no desecration of masculinity. It can be seen that any man who wants to obey these precepts needs to pay a heavy price. No matter what others say about him, no matter what beliefs he holds—his inner self must never be completely suppressed.He could hide it, he could disguise it, he could downplay its importance, but he could never let his ego disappear forever.His inner demands are constantly fighting, and as a result his feelings have become an active volcano.Difficult to calm down, frequent violent outbursts, bouts of inexplicable wailing, occasional confidings to his wife—these were the inevitable cracks in his precepts. 2 Masque II When you were in elementary school, boys put worms in your desk drawer or made fun of you in the playground to show you affection; when you were a little older, they rode in four or five Cars that follow you or your girlfriend and whistle; they follow you down the street when you're a big girl, or tell sweet flirtatious things that make you sound hot-eared and red-faced . It can be seen that many men regard women as something that only exists in fantasy, mysterious, and elusive. In public, men react to women the way they perceive women behind closed doors.If strange men are rude when talking about you on the street, it is mainly because they have learned from childhood that it is his privilege to greet strange women with a rough voice. In fact, this masculinity is nothing more than posturing. 3 Masquerade III A man learns a good disguise in life.They learn to pretend to be confident when they're not sure, happy when they're upset, know-it-all when they don't know what to do next, and pretend to have no interest in something. Be cheerful, and pretend to be very happy when you feel pain. This deceit is a deception that circulates with each other.Although a man is dissatisfied with life, he is still unwilling to tell other men his troubles—and these men are even less willing to share their troubles with others. It is easy for you to lie to me, and I to lie to you. have a good time. Most men privately consider themselves sexually incompetent, and that other men have a skill.They tend to do whatever it takes to hide their flaws from other men, lest they be ridiculed. A man is even more reluctant to reveal his sexual flaws to women, even trivial flaws, and he will disguise himself at any cost so that women cannot see his true face clearly. Everyone hopes that their husband has a good temper. If unfortunately your husband is a person who loses his temper, what should you do? In fact, instead of being troubled and depressed, it is better to analyze the reasons for his bad temper, which may help him Change this character. The emotional characteristics of bad-tempered people are often poor stability and high intensity.Therefore, when encountering some unpleasant things, people love to lose their temper. However, people often do not lose their temper for no reason, and certain conditions are required for losing their temper. When conditions change significantly, his mood will be abnormal and he will lose his temper. Why does he like to lose his temper? This has something to do with the low level of control over his psychological reactions.Some men have been spoiled and spoiled since they were young, and they have developed a personality that likes to lose their temper at home.Some have been in adversity for a long time, have been suppressed, have no place to confide, and as a result, their wives have become the object of their temper. However, there are individual cases.For example, men have "macho" thinking, so losing their temper has become commonplace.No matter what the situation is, it is inseparable from the weak will and low self-cultivation of people who like to lose their temper. Since the man's control level is very low and he tends to lose his temper when things happen, the wife's responsibility is to find a way for him to improve his control level and get rid of his temper-like personality. From the aspect of treating the symptoms, it is to take measures of silence, restraint and tolerance when a man is about to lose his temper, so as to ease his temper first.Then give him a detailed analysis, and explain to him all the advantages and disadvantages, so that he will not have repeated attacks. After he loses his temper, he must be enlightened in time, so that he understands that losing his temper is bad.However, if you blindly tolerate him, it will only make his temper out of control; if there is no reasoning afterwards, it will be difficult to help him overcome his temper-loving personality.So, when he loses his temper for no reason, point it out to him seriously.When he loses his temper, you bear with it for a while, and if you speak louder afterwards, he may be able to listen. The more important thing is to cure the root cause, that is, to improve his control level.This depends on his own efforts, but as a wife, it is not without its uses in this respect. Help him firmly pursue a better life.The road of life is tortuous, and you have to struggle even more in adversity, the key lies in his level.When he really understands this, he will not lose his temper for unhappy things. Infect him with optimism.In this way, you don't have to worry about him losing his temper anymore in your life.Helping him cultivate his interest in external things will also help him to be optimistic when encountering things and not easy to get angry.Help him get over his bad temper, which is what you should do.But in the final analysis, to overcome it, he still has to rely on his subjective efforts. "My husband is really good, kind-hearted, talented, successful in his career, and seldom smokes and drinks. People say that I have found a man who suits me. But I regret how I found such a man with a lantern. From a lover to Husband and wife, his words became less and less; in life, I always kept talking, but he rarely interjected. When making out, he hugged me tightly, but he still didn’t say a word. Ask him to say something, but he said: "What do you want me to say?" Wood became husband and wife." How do you comment on this husband? Some people may say that it’s better to have less gossip in a man’s house, and it’s like nagging every day; some people may think that men are like this, and they have endless sweet talk when they are in love. Once the wife got it, she was so relieved that she didn't even want to talk more. In order not to let the husband be taciturn, we must first explore why the husband is taciturn.Compared with husband and wife, the wife is more emotional, and she can't let go of a little thing in her heart. She always wants to confide in it, and also likes to express various feelings in life.On the other hand, the husband has deep feelings, and his observation of things is relatively "careless", and he likes to use his own behavior rather than expression to reflect his personal strength and value.In this regard, some men regard being alone in a certain situation as a kind of rest, or even a kind of enjoyment, which is called "need for solitude" in psychology.In addition, men are "cold". At work, men often have heavy responsibilities on their shoulders, and they seldom pay attention to trivial matters, and they seldom pay attention to women's emotional needs.Many men, the heavier the work pressure, the easier it is to regard the family as a peaceful and comfortable "safety nest", and become too deep and persistent, so they become taciturn. This kind of silence is enjoyable for the husband, but it is not good for the harmonious relationship between husband and wife.So how to reverse this situation? (1) Don't blame your husband all day long.Life is quite strange, the husband likes to control and direct others outside, while the wife likes to control and direct her husband at home.When some wives see their husbands coming home, instead of saying a few words of comfort sweetly, they pour out the grievances they have prepared for the whole day like cannonballs, causing the husbands to enter the gray emotional environment as soon as they enter the house, and the Facing the endless complaints from their wives every day, some husbands have gradually learned how to live in peace by talking less. (2) Use game talk in daily life.It is unfair to regard the sweet talk of the husband before marriage and the taciturnity after marriage as marriage tricks. In fact, married men also need emotional communication. It can inspire your husband's interest in conversation. (3) Use silence to strike later.Any family is a unique combination of roles. A hard-working and capable wife will become lazy and incompetent under the "deterrence" of a more diligent and capable husband. This is cultivated by the husband.Similarly, if the wife chatters and sputters all day long, the husband must become silent because he is "dwarfed by comparison".A wise wife may wish to try this way. When chatting, she will change her habit of talking non-stop and learn to be silent.The husband's sudden change in this atmosphere will cause a series of psychological changes, he will feel unsafe, he will not know what his wife is thinking, and he will even worry that something unexpected may happen. And the sudden silence became a strong stimulus.At this time, the husband will of course ask questions, and even "find something to talk about when I have nothing to say".At this juncture, the wife's fleeting sentimentality and talkative behavior towards her husband should be encouraged. "It's amazing how you've become so talkative." This simple encouragement can also be the key to unlocking a lover's gift of speech.Of course, in the future, you should try to chatter less and let him have the upper hand in speech, otherwise the "skill" you just learned may be lost. Many husbands have secrets they don't want to tell their wives, and these secrets are often things that can damage their image as a man.Anxiety about career and work, for example.The vast majority of men use career achievements as the criterion for evaluating their personal image.Therefore, in front of their wives they always only boast about their career success.However, in private, they are not as confident in their abilities as they show off on the surface.They often harbor a fear that they will not perform as well as others.But this fear, they will never reveal to their wives, so as not to damage their manly image.In fact, this kind of fear and concealment is unnecessary.According to the survey, most married women admit that they hope their husbands can tell them about the troubles they encounter at work, the unsatisfactory careers and even failures, and they are willing to share his worries and fears about careers.They don't think it detracts from their masculine image; on the contrary, they think it's a show of courage for them to admit failure and face difficulties.They believe that being able to share worries for their husbands is a manifestation of the intimate relationship between the two, and it can further promote a happy marriage. In terms of language expression ability and reaction to things, generally speaking, men are slightly less sensitive and quick than women.Husbands are often threatened in this regard, but they do not want their wives to know their shortcomings.Their defense is to be silent.Unless they have enough knowledge about certain things, they will not speak casually.It is their clumsy weapon to keep their promises. I often hear my wife say: "Although the man in my family doesn't talk much, he is very insightful. One sentence can be worth ten sentences." What a painful thought it took before saying ", I am afraid she will not use "very insightful" to evaluate it anymore. Therefore, the words "silence is golden" and "good men don't fight women" must have been thought up by men.Husbands suffer from being unable to express themselves but do not want to show their clumsiness, so they use "Silence is golden" to beautify their silence; and when husbands cannot argue with their wives, they often throw out the sentence "A good man does not fight with a woman" to comfort himself . Concealment of emotional dependence.Although some men look like a tough man, they are actually quite fragile emotionally and are extremely emotionally dependent.However, most husbands are unwilling to let their wives know this fatal weakness. Therefore, they deliberately show indifference in terms of emotion and emotion, and do not express their true inner feelings easily, so as not to expose their weaknesses. On this point, wives have different evaluations. Some wives believe that a man should be like a man, "A man does not shed tears lightly", this is the true nature of a hero.What's more, wives regard their husbands as their lifelong reliance, and of course hope that their husbands will be a strong man who will shelter them from wind and rain and provide them with a haven of shelter. Other wives don't think so.They see it as normal and necessary for husbands to express their emotions and feelings to their wives.This will not make them feel that their husband is weak, nor will it damage the image of their husband in their minds; on the contrary, the husband will naturally show his emotions in front of his wife, which will make the wife feel that the husband is a real man of flesh and blood, and it will also harm his image. The need for someone to care will make the wife understand that "in fact, men need more care."A famous Taiwanese female writer said when talking about her husband: "I love him only because I can see that he is just a child through all the things covered by the appearance, a child who needs someone to love." It can be seen that sometimes, the husband Showing his emotions in front of his wife and letting his wife know that he also needs care will not make his wife look down on him, but will make his wife love him more and love him more. Most husbands try to hide their illness or pain as much as possible.It turns out that in men's minds, illness is a sign of weakness, which makes them lose their masculinity.Even if they have any colds, back pains, they will not moan and cry, they think it is "unspeakable" and it will hurt face; they think that asking their wives for help because of illness is extremely serious for their tough guy image damage. This is why most husbands are still stubborn when they are clearly ill, saying that they are not ill, and they will not go to the hospital until the last moment.It may be because of this that the average life expectancy of men is relatively short. Although wives are terribly puzzled by their husbands' reluctance to admit that they are ill, they have their own means of achieving their goals.They will first persuade him to take good care of his body and go to the doctor early; if the husband does not listen, they will nag dozens of times a day until the husband is annoyed; Move, escort her husband to the hospital.In fact, the husband, who seemed very reluctant on the surface, was not in his heart, because being forced to see a doctor could not only alleviate the pain, but also not hurt his face, and maintained his self-esteem.Husbands go to great lengths to hide their sexual desires, and some men give special attention to women other than their wives.Of course, such unreasonable thoughts can only be hidden in the bottom of my heart, and will never be revealed openly, let alone my wife. It's a pity that the husband tried his best to hide what the wife already knew, so they always kept a close eye on her husband to prevent him from messing with women. At the same time, they secretly sighed in their hearts: Why are men always so careless? The British aesthetic poet Oscar Wilde in his In his book "The Ideal Husband", he said through a woman's mouth: "Once a man falls in love with a woman, he will do anything for her, except one thing, that is, he will not love her forever." In fact, men are not only unable to concentrate fully on their feelings for their wives, they are also not easy to concentrate on whatever they do.For example, it is not difficult for them to read a newspaper while eating.Juggling several things at once is their specialty.Eating and reading the newspaper at the same time is quite a trivial matter. Some men watch the broadcast of the night football game on TV, cut their toenails, listen to the cross talk program on the radio, and occasionally smile knowingly.What a big deal! It can be seen from this that paying attention to women other than wives is, to put it bluntly, due to their habit of "doing several things at the same time".So the wife doesn't need to mind too much, as long as there is no deviant behavior. Conceal fears of sexual insecurity.When men are uneasy about whether they can satisfy each other sexually, they will never tell their wives, because they think that admitting their sexual incompetence is the most humiliating thing and the most unmanly thing.Therefore, as a wife, don't go to the bottom of this aspect, let alone criticize your husband in this aspect. Therefore, men must understand this point: "What women love is precisely the weakness of men." Everyone has a personality, and self-willedness means letting go of one's own temper without restraint.A wayward person, regardless of the other party's ability to bear, as long as it doesn't suit her, she will lose her temper, even arrogant and unreasonable.They are often irrational and reckless in speaking or doing things.Therefore, it is difficult to get warmth and help from colleagues around.In family life, if one of the husband and wife is too willful, it will affect the harmony of the family. If this kind of unstable factor in the family is not eliminated in time and allowed to develop, it will hurt the feelings of the other party.Go down for a long time, the rift of affection of husband and wife can appear here.Therefore, wayward people should pay attention to controlling their emotions, respect each other's feelings, and try to get rid of the bad habits of willfulness. According to the analysis of psychologists, the acquired environment plays a decisive role in the generation and formation of willfulness.Generally speaking, people who grew up in a pampered environment; people who have superior conditions and think they are superior to others; people who only receive warmth and care from others, but do not care about taking care of others; people who always accept and rarely give, are most likely to form willful character.It takes a process to correct this willful problem, and it cannot be solved overnight.Therefore, the husband must be patient with his wife's help, and must not be impatient. The wife should be made to understand that capriciousness is a sign of selfishness.People should respect each other, and the same is true between husband and wife. Some people think that the husband is their own family. When something goes wrong, it’s okay to lose your temper and play a little "petty temper". A misunderstanding of being irresponsible to oneself and others.For the wife's waywardness, at first the husband may tolerate it out of love for his wife. However, over time, the husband loses patience with the wife's willfulness and becomes more and more resentful, because the wife's waywardness is lost. The tenderness and tranquility unique to women, with such a wife, often puts oneself in an awkward and passive position, watching his wife's face and acting all day long, and almost spends his spare time on resolving conflicts caused by his wife's willfulness superior.Just imagine, who would want to live with such an arrogant, unreasonable, willful and savage person? Therefore, the wife's top priority is to completely get rid of her willfulness, so as to restore the love that is about to be lost. It should be known that capriciousness is a matter of self-cultivation of the wife.They rarely get along well with those around them and lack self-sacrifice.Therefore, as a husband, he should be patient and help his headstrong wife strengthen her self-cultivation, know how to care for others, respect others, tolerate others, learn to control her emotions, and nip willfulness and anger in the bud. In addition, the facts show that the wives' waywardness is related to the husband's appeasement.Every time the wife becomes self-willed and loses her temper for no reason, the husband tolerates and blames himself. This makes the wife's self-willedness not only unable to be controlled by himself, but makes her character even more arrogant.Therefore, if a wife is found to be too self-willed, she should stop it in time and seriously. This is not only beneficial to the wife, but also beneficial to the husband and the family. Willfulness is a cancer in marriage. To completely eradicate this cancer requires the joint efforts of the wife and husband, and more importantly, the wife's courage, self-control and sense of responsibility to the family. It is often said that women can hold up half the sky, but in some women's hearts, men are still trees she can depend on and climb. Complete dependence on men has become a major obstacle to the development of women's emotional intelligence.Some women think that love is the most important thing in life, and they like the tension and challenge of love, which can make them ecstasy, so they tend to rush into dangerous and emotional situations.Men are more cautious in this aspect. In contact with women, they are self-defensive, and they have a need to hide their fear and anxiety. Out of panic. Bad men have a microscopic understanding of women, they know women like the back of their hands, and even better than women.They are often the object of stimulation and fantasy by women, and women are willing to be attracted to them, regardless of their potential danger, because these bad boys represent a sense of conquest to women.They may have had an attractive but emotionally distant mother as a child who never gave him the love he craved, and they had to constantly search for her to know when and how to get the comfort and protection he needed , He has developed a superb ability to observe and perceive women. The woman's long-term cautiousness has suppressed her need for family affection and love. The powerful and mysterious changes of the bad man make her irresistible. He is very patient and can wait.Physically, he's charming, considerate, and adept at eliciting a woman's orgasmic state.In tradition, a woman is used to looking for excitement and satisfaction from love, and once she decides to jump out of love, it is not easy to find a substitute for love. There are indeed more wonderful and exciting things in the world than falling in love. too little. Finding a safe haven and caress in love to get rid of loneliness is a common dream of women with low emotional intelligence. They are willing to cling to the big tree of man like a vine, and let the "tree" shelter themselves from wind and rain.But for some women, the pursuit of the relationship has a more exceptional connotation—she is taking an emotional adventure as sweet as it is painful to prove her personal existence.Most of the time, although frequent dating makes me excited, it is boring in nature. Once there is no man around, everything is listless; once the topic leaves the man, I feel dull;In this way, let the man get the idea first. Under no circumstances should a woman give up the power to determine how she feels to a man, but there are still many women who feel a loss of self-worth because they are abandoned by men.These women always feel that they are controlled by the forces of life. They feel that they are victims of life. Men come into their lives and make them feel like they never felt before. took everything from them.Women who experience stress in their lives tend to think it's their fault, and this self-blame exacerbates the pain. Another very important factor in women's long-term suffering is the slow submission to let men determine their own worth.In the interaction between men and women, they lose their sense of inner strength, especially when they are unable to keep a man's love, they will confuse the temporary loss of power with a more permanent sense of powerlessness. Sooner or later a woman learns that a man may leave her without actually taking her.Only she is the realizer of her own value and the owner of the entity. No one can really steal her away. When a man leaves her, she will throw away the sorrow and pain together like garbage. Needless to say, women have a weaker side than men in their nature. This is not only reflected in their petite and delicate physique, but also in their psychology. They always want to rest their heads on a generous and warm shoulder and want to have a pair of strong的胳膊搂紧自己，让自己在波澜不惊的港湾里安闲地栖息。 女人过分地弘扬自己柔弱的一面，常常导致对男人的过分依赖。离开男人的时候便六神无主、心绪不宁、烦躁不安，就像藤一样，没有了参天大树可供攀附，便不能向上生长，而只能蜷伏于地。 过多地依赖男人，使女人不想在事业上拼搏，不愿与过多的同性或异性交往交流，在这种百无聊赖中对什么都失去兴趣，别说提高自己的情商，就连原有的情商都在一点点地随风而逝。 真正聪明的女人不应只是藤，也要成为一棵树，哪怕只是一棵垂柳，它也有一副能够支撑自己身板的傲骨!