Chapter 12 Case12. Unbearable husband who is too jealous

Fanny. 33.Independent company. He is introverted, I am extroverted I thought it was a blessing for a woman to marry a good man, but her married life did not become happy because of his goodness.Before marriage, he only saw his goodness, and imagined a happy and stable life after marriage.There is a husband who loves himself, a family, and children, what more can a husband ask for? I thought so too, but fantasy is one thing, reality is another.Life is exhausting after all. My husband and I have known each other for 8 years before getting married. We are classmates.We walked together after graduation, and finally got married reasonably.I said reasonable was my thought at the time, because although I felt that there were many differences between me and him, the previous generation said it was a good thing. At that time, I was naive and didn't think too much about it, and I didn't think too much about it. Besides, he is a good man , no bad habits, although not romantic but dedicated to me, I feel safe, so I got married.

The main difference between me and him is that my personality is more outgoing, I like to socialize, I like to talk to my friends, I am also a little emotional, I will get hurt when I am touched, I do things according to my own will, and I will try my best to achieve it when I think of it, even if I can’t achieve it. Excited to feel what I have experienced.But he is just the opposite. He is introverted, doesn't like social situations, and is even afraid. He never tells his friends about his unhappy mood, let alone knows how to read other people's hearts, so he can't understand my mood and even laughs at me. childish behavior.He likes to be sure in everything he does, and he is more rational than heaven, like a typical computer professional personality.

sex life seems to exist After we got married, we lived with our mother-in-law, so our life has been under the eyes of her mother-in-law. We have lost many opportunities to communicate, and we are used to being silent with each other. It is a very traditional way of getting along. Once something unpleasant happens, our handling method is average. is to cool down. But what disappoints me the most is that our sex life is not satisfactory.He is a man who has no interest in sex, has no strong hobbies, and rarely takes the initiative. I didn't expect this, and I don't know that it will affect our relationship.After having my daughter, I never slept with him again. We didn't share a room until after my daughter was two years old, but the life of husband and wife has long been boring.I am not a woman with a strong sexual desire and dissatisfaction. I am a traditional woman, but I also have sexual needs, and I hope to have a closer relationship with my husband and a better relationship.I've been thinking that maybe I should focus my life on my daughter and my career.Now that I think about it, I was so naive and suppressed my feelings.Because of working together, our friction is endless from morning to night, which makes me more uncomfortable.

I believe that my husband has not been unfaithful to me, so if he doesn’t like to have sex with me, I take it as normal and reasonable. I often comfort myself and convince myself that I’m married well. At least my husband didn’t go out for sex. I’m too ambitious Not satisfied.To comfort myself in this way, sometimes I reluctantly accept it, and sometimes feel sad.Is this what marriage is like?Could it be otherwise? Husband is jealous Until something happened, I saw through my husband's stinginess.The reason is that we have an employee who is a boy friend who is 6 years younger than me. Because he has worked in the company for a long time and we have a good relationship with his parents. I don’t know when he cared about me. There are many, and the handling of the company's affairs is obviously positive, and I talk to him more than before.Finally one day, my husband told me that if he went to work, he would not allow the boy to be in the company. I didn’t understand, so I asked the boy, and he said that if I made things difficult for him, he could leave, but he wanted to talk to my husband.But on this day, he told me clearly that he likes me and loves me.Although I was surprised to hear that, I let him go.

The boy told my husband that he hoped he would care more about me and help me with the company affairs, because I was too tired.This was what my husband told me afterwards. I was very upset when I heard it, but this did not change my husband. On the contrary, he became sensitive and started to check my call records.I was very angry when I found out, but I gave up the idea of ​​divorce under the persuasion of my friends. The relationship was handled carefully and strangely sweet at one time. Later, I found out that he checked me again, but this time I became very sad.In fact, since the boy left, I sent a text message to the boy to make it clear that I can only be his sister and friend, but not a lover or lover. He should get along with the girl his parents introduced to him and make that girl happy.But this didn't seem to change him, so I had no choice but to think of a naive solution, sending him text messages every day, telling him that I had a very happy day and that my husband loves me very much.Gradually, the boy stopped talking to me, and I thought everything was over, but unexpectedly, my husband ran to check my call records, and the daily SMS records angered him, so he started to go to the living room to sleep, and started Not going to work, endless silence, although I explained to him, tried to persuade my friends, even told him what my text message said and what the purpose was, but it was useless.

feel enough Later, when he went to work, he learned that there are two different appearances in front of people and behind people: in front of friends in the company, he talked and laughed happily, but just ignored me.At home, he never said a word to me. Our communication was limited to the conversation with his daughter. It felt like neighbors who rented a house together. ...can't talk to him well, he's not a man to talk to at all. Between us, there is no sex and no love, I can't hold on anymore, I feel enough, whether it's endless patience with him or my life, I feel enough, I just want to get rid of all this, even if it takes me life in exchange.But I have a lot of concerns, my parents, my daughter and my good friend, all of which make me feel sad, especially my daughter, she is still so young, she is so cute and smart.

If there is a way to get my marriage back to the previous state, I would rather choose to stay, except that he doesn't know how to express his love to me, except that he won't express his concern for me, except that he no longer needs me Outside of his body...he is still a good father.But I can't bear the extreme dissonance of the present.Su Hei, I don't know if you have time to help me, I really don't know how to solve this matter, I don't know how to get out. Su Hei Analysis: There is no sex and no love, only daughters and regrets, a husband and wife relationship that is not forgiven, and cannot communicate frankly. Ask yourself, is there any point in maintaining it?

Should not maintain does not mean that should be divorced, measured from the perspective of treatment, is to seek a solution to improve the relationship, to see if there is room for turning.Marriage is a form of relationship that two adults are willing to create together, but the important thing is not the marriage contract and form, but the sincerity and willingness to maintain it together, find the right method, enjoy it, and make progress together. There are two problems that Fanny has been avoiding from the beginning until now: personality incompatibility and uncoordinated sex life.If it is not for the efforts of both parties to enhance the relationship, there is no reason why the relationship will not deteriorate as time goes by.At the beginning, I realized the problem of personality incompatibility, but because my family members thought it was okay to marry blindly, then I had nothing to say, and I had to bear the consequences. After all, I am already an adult, and I should have my own opinions and rational analysis. No is the right way.

After marriage, I discovered that my husband had problems with sex and jealousy, but due to the lack of communication foundation, it was difficult to improve, and it was even more difficult to recover, and the situation was getting worse. It was really difficult to deal with.Yes, he is a good man and a good father, but the crux of the matter is: Do you need a good father or a good husband? Your daughter needs the former, but you need the latter.You are not your husband's daughter, what's more, what a daughter needs is not a resentful family. There are often conflicts in the position of a woman in the family role. To be a good wife, mother, and daughter-in-law, problems arise when she is not pleasing to the three sides and cannot get the understanding of her husband. Fanny's husband is closed, like many old-fashioned and arrogant Chinese men, autocratic, ignorant of tenderness, his world is sealed, he doesn't know how to give and love properly, but he is not a bad person, then ask yourself, a word "good" , enough to go on?How to continue is the key to maintaining a high-quality marriage.It's life that's going backwards, and that's why you feel overwhelmed because you can't be who you really are.

Try to confess to him again, face up to your sex and personality issues, tell your true feelings, give each other the last chance, don't be discouraged, you are still young, and your life is still long, you should think about yourself and be brave for your daughter What a great role model for independent women.Dealing with things head-on is a necessary condition for modern women to love themselves and others.