Chapter 11 Case11. My husband is unwilling to work

Supporting the other half requires a lot of psychological energy and objective conditions. What is more important is mutual understanding and understanding of each other's intentions and abilities, It takes a lot of trust, and a very mature and independent emotional state on both sides. Case11. My husband is unwilling to work Wang Mei. 32.Director of Marketing. Strong Woman's Choice I have always thought that seeking stability is a woman's lifelong dream.It is the achievement of a woman's life to find a man who can settle down and feel quite secure. And I'm such a woman who values ​​personal achievement so much.

I grew up in a privileged family, regardless of education, status, or appearance, I was above everyone else.When she was a child, she was recognized as an outstanding strong woman.Instead of being complacent, I felt a little stressed.I often question my will.Although I have the best conditions, I am a girl after all, and I also have a girl's dream.I have outstanding grades in school, which has caused "discrimination" from many boys, thinking that I am a "girly man", and I have been laughed at. I will never marry in the future.I feel really bad. But I didn't flinch, although I wasn't too self-righteous.My upbringing was very strict, and my parents were open but wouldn't let me go.I didn't dare to think about anything, although I saw female students of the same age start to fall in love, but I didn't dare to think too much.As a result, I was admitted to a well-known university, and then I was admitted to a Ph.D. in Tsinghua University, which everyone envies.To be honest, I don't know why I want to study for a doctorate. All my classmates are married and have children, and I am still studying.

After graduation, I was lucky enough to work as a marketing director in a well-known international company.Since then, I have started a busy life.I often have to travel and leave Beijing to do promotional work in various cities.I used to think that the pursuit of social identity was very important, so I would rather sacrifice my most precious youth than engage in romantic relationships between men and women, concentrate on studying, and find a good job, which is the most guaranteed life.Maybe it was influenced by my mother.She always said that relying on men has no guarantee, but relying on herself can guarantee.She is also a strong woman, but her relationship with her father is not very harmonious.

I also understand that with a career, it is difficult to take care of family happiness.But I can't go back. Time does not leave anyone, I am almost 30, I feel a little helpless and dissatisfied with the current unstable life.I hope to have a stable life, to have a family, and to have the life a woman should have. Finally, I found a soldier.He was based in Beijing, and his stability and simplicity of temperament attracted me.I know that whenever I come home, he will always be there for me.This is enough.We got married just 3 years ago. My husband takes good care of me, and I also feel very happy.

Two years later, I had a lovely son, and I was relieved to let my husband take care of the baby, and he took good care of it.It turns out that a woman can be a trapeze artist.I feel that I am really a happy woman, career, love and family win-win. Husband suddenly refuses to work However, when the son was one year old, the husband changed jobs and returned home. The stable life changed at this time.I don't understand the reason why my husband changed jobs. It may be that my income is relatively stable, and he is also tired of the life of an officer!It doesn't matter, anyway, he is still young, he can switch to other professions.However, the husband who changed jobs and returned home is unwilling to look for a job again, because he is afraid of facing the complexity of society. He said: "Wherever my wife goes, I can take my children with me. I just want my wife to be my home."

I thought of my mother’s words: “There is no security with a man, but security with yourself.” But now the husband wants to live off his wife, and he desires stability more than I do, just like a woman.I re-examined my husband and realized I didn't know him very well.But our relationship is actually very good, I can't say anything, I don't want to be like a petty person.In this way, I asked him not to look for a job, thinking that maybe he would be tired of raising children in the future and would want to be independent. But I was so naive. Our family bought a car, and he acted as the driver. If I went to market, he would take the children there.Sometimes my colleagues look at him and me with strange eyes, and I don't like it either.How can a husband and wife travel with their children and act as a driver?At the beginning, I didn't think so. It is quite convenient and heartwarming to have my husband accompany me to work, and I can often see my children.But soon, I felt that this kind of life was not right.

Sometimes when I come home tired after work, he is like a wife who stays at home all day, telling me a lot of trivial family affairs and TV drama plots, celebrities, hot news on the Internet and so on.What to buy at home, he wants to buy a new computer, what kind of birthday party is going to be held at the child's school, it will cost money, everything is money.I don't really care about this, anyway, I have a high income, and spending a little money is nothing, and to be honest, he is not a person who likes to spend money.It's just that I feel the pressure of life.Home has become centered on me, without me there is no home.Like a single working mother who has lost her husband, I need to provide for my family and be the bread and butter of my family.Feel very tired at times.Seeing that my girlfriends are very dependent on their husbands, I am an enviable strong woman who has become my husband's reliance, but he does not go to work and stays at home with the children to take care of housework.Is this the stable life I hope to have?I began to doubt.

Husband turned into a clingy dog Something is wrong with my marriage.This is a feeling that has bothered me a lot lately.Where is the problem?I found that my husband became very dependent on me and needed my attention very much, like the lonely woman in Desperate Housewife who needed a lot of comfort and love from me.He has me as the center of his life, he needs me to constantly pay attention to his feelings, and I feel tired when I am with him, because he seems to want me to listen to him every second, ask my opinion, I am slightly indifferent, or it is too much. Tired said that he had to go to bed first and had a meeting tomorrow morning, so he was very upset and even felt very hurt.He is a very simple and straightforward person, everything can be seen clearly on his face, and I feel depressed when his mood changes.I feel that life is starting to be very uncomfortable and not easy.

Why does my husband become like a child who needs my constant comfort and takes up my energy and energy?He began to become undisciplined, a little lazy, and had nothing to do every day. After taking the children to school, he was basically free, and he did not study to improve his competitiveness. It was unreasonable to rely on the wife of a strong woman like this. .I once mentioned that it is better for him to find a job, but he reacted very strongly, thinking that I no longer love him, and that I despise him is a burden, but he actually saw his eyes wet, as if he had really been wronged.What happened, this man, how could this happen!Then within two or three days, he suggested that it would be better to hire a nanny to take care of the children.I thought he was determined to find a job, so I happily said yes.Unexpectedly, after the nanny was invited, he became more lazy and idle. When I got home, he turned into a dog and pestered me again, crawling on me to get sexual satisfaction, exhausting my energy.Working hard is not as good as going home.

God, I want to avoid this man more and more. I don't know what to do next with my marriage.How should I counsel my husband?Or should I give up and stop letting him depend on me? Su Hei Analysis: This is the age of gender independence. A woman can be the head of the family, achieve success in her career, support the family, raise children, and even take care of the husband. As long as everyone agrees in advance, cooperates with each other, and is happy with such arrangements, it can be a very happy family. Or, a woman can support her husband’s ideals. If he needs to bury his head in starting a new business, do research, wait for an opportunity, temporarily stop working to waste time, and rely on his wife’s support, it is also a great contribution for a woman to support her husband to bear the family alone. As long as she knows that her husband is really concentrating on realizing his dream, instead of idleness and dependence, a woman will willingly support her husband forever, even if the husband still fails to achieve anything in the end.At least, he tried hard, he was serious, he didn't give up, and he didn't deceive himself and his wife.Success or failure is up to fate.As a couple, you and I can still build a home together without distinction.

Director Ang Lee would be exploiting if he hadn't been working hard on his filmmaking, doing nothing about production and relying on his capable wife to support him.His achievements today are his hard work and his wife's selfless dedication. Supporting the other half requires a lot of psychological energy and objective conditions. More importantly, mutual understanding and understanding of each other's intentions and abilities requires a lot of trust and a mature and independent emotional state of both parties.Otherwise, it is easy to have negative emotional reactions because of being alone on the road for the other party, and end up complaining and unwilling. Wang Mei's husband is not a mature husband. He wants to rely on his wife, and because of her stable and high income, he thinks he can rely on her. He has the mentality of marrying a chicken and following the chicken, thinking that being willing to raise children is already a sacrifice, but he doesn't. Paying attention to his inert mentality has affected his wife's mood and increased her mental pressure.She is more than capable of coping with work, but she can't bear the sudden change of her husband, which only adds to the pressure and anxiety that she needs from men as a woman.The husband who used to give her a sense of stability is no longer stable. He would rather rely on her wholeheartedly. Her original idea of ​​finding a stable husband who could give her a stable family has been disillusioned.She also ignored the importance of communicating with her husband after marriage because of her busy work. She found that she didn't know how to take care of a husband who was as clingy as a woman.The husband does not want to work. On the surface, he is as stable as before, and he will not be busy. The problem is that this kind of stability is negative, has no way out, and exploits his wife in disguise. It turns out that stability is not enough, what she needs is a partner who can make her feel at ease, a mature man who has an independent life, work and development, not a big boy who depends on her to take care of.Her biggest problem at present is that she suddenly has an older son, who needs to occupy a lot of her energy and love, and who does not want to grow up.Paradoxically, at the same time, she lost a husband who could comfort her psychologically and make her feel at ease. She turned out to be lonelier than before her marriage. I can only confess to my husband, express my feelings, and see if he grows a little bit.Let him know that the problem isn't money or anything, but his regression as a man that women can't afford. Marriage is a form of relationship that two adults are willing to create together, But the important thing is not the marriage contract and form, but the sincerity and willingness to maintain it together, find the right method, And whether to enjoy and make progress together.