Chapter 8 Case8. What he loves is him not me

When faced with the dilemma of missing a relationship, we tend to only think of the worst of the problem, To complicate matters, to make oneself the most unfortunate victim, Create the reality that you are the unluckiest person in the world, and then attribute resentment to the other person. Coco. 28.financial analysis. he is more careful than me I feel that I was destined to be with him in the previous life, but in this life I failed to love him, and I just can't let go. Can't let go, ah, people who are hurt in love have this pain. I wanted to seek treatment half a year ago because of my sexual troubles, but today, half a year later, the problem has spread to an unexpected end, because I found out that my boyfriend may be gay!

He was also in pain.In fact, I should have noticed something was wrong with him long ago.Although we have been dating for more than 4 years, we have changed from a colleague relationship to a bosom friend relationship. At that time, I fantasized about falling in love with him and asked him personally if he liked me. He said that he liked me very much, even more than sisters.We started dating, and he was more considerate to me than my relatives. He was better than me at many things a woman should do, such as making gifts with her own hands, remembering birthdays, dating anniversaries, clothes and trousers sizes, etc. Be a thousand times more careful.He is careful when I am careless, and he tolerates me when I am narrow-minded. I feel very lucky to have such a boyfriend.

Compared with my previous boyfriends, they were all careless and not gentle enough. They required me to pay a lot, and I also had to bear their shortcomings. I tried to pay off debts for one, and negotiated for another with an unresolved girlfriend. It made me feel uncomfortable, as if I If you want to fall in love, you have to clean up the garbage that is still stagnant for them, so that there is room for yourself.Very tired!It was not until I met him that I felt the comfort and happiness of being loved for the first time. can't arouse his sexual interest However, just as I was immersed in a blissful relationship, the problems began.First of all, he is not keen on making out with me.How can this be understood?Aren't men like beasts thinking about sex at least twice a minute?I am not a woman with a strong sexual desire, but I also have sexual needs, and I also feel that when I am with my lover, how can I lack kissing and hugging and even further sexual acts?

At first I thought he didn't like to make out with me in public, so I took the initiative to look for opportunities for the two of us, and even offered to go to his home alone, but he was not very willing, so I said it's better to come to my house and I cook Give him delicious food, he agreed, I lavishly cooked heart-shaped steak and red wine, filled the room with romantic candlelight, thinking that he must be dead drunk, I want to go further with him. However, he was drunk, but he didn't take any further action. He fell asleep on the sofa with his arms around me, as pure as a child with a big bear doll in his arms.I was a little puzzled and disappointed.It was already late at night, I woke him up, and wanted to try to seduce him again, he kissed me and said: "Ah, it's already so late, you should go home, you should go to bed early too." After saying that, he walked away , I was really angry, and asked: "Don't you have sexual desire for me?" I cried, he froze for a moment, came back to comfort me, kissed me, I boldly hugged him, and made love to him.

It was our first time, strictly speaking, I had sex with him almost compulsively.I undressed myself, naked in front of him, and undressed and undressed for him, he was half passive and half active, and that's what we did.Of course it doesn't feel good, but my heart is half relieved, at least he is still a man who can lift.Afterwards he said sorry, he said he liked me, but he thought it would be better for me to have sex after marriage.I felt a little guilty hearing him say that, but liked him even more. Found flirting with boys I thought there should be more intimate contact from now on, but he is still the same, if I don't take the initiative, he will never ask to have sex with me.The sex life is really not enjoyable, he gets it done quickly and I don't enjoy it very much.However, outside of sex, we are as close as brothers and sisters.Until the first time I found out that he had a heated conversation with someone I didn't know well on MSN, I thought he only had me in his heart. This is the 4th year of dating.

I questioned him, he was very sad and told me not to worry, that was a boy, his childhood classmate, they were fun, so those intimate conversations were just child's play, told me not to be serious.I was relieved knowing it was a man, and guilty again because I didn't trust him. But sometimes he will secretly talk to someone on the phone, and when we are dating, his face will change drastically when he receives a call, and he looks very flustered. I have only been to his house for the 4th time in 4 years. I searched his drawer while he was in the bathroom, and found a picture of him and a boy. It was probably taken in middle school. There are also some love letters, which should be from the past My girlfriend, why not throw it away?I'm so jealous.I also found some gymnastics magazines, and a photo album of nude photos of men shipped from abroad.What happened to him?I couldn't help but ask him after he came out, he was stunned and blamed me for searching his privacy.When I questioned him, he said it was for work and told me to leave him alone.I began to distrust him, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong.After that incident, he was obviously indifferent to me. In the end, I couldn't bear to be alone, and took the initiative to reconcile with him, saying that it was all my fault.He kissed me again.

Because of the Olympics, it is determined to break up in love Until the Olympics, I found that he was very excited, especially the intoxication of his eyes when watching men's gymnastics.I asked him what is so good about men's gymnastics, and he actually said that just looking at those muscles makes him excited.After speaking he knew he had said something wrong, I couldn't help asking him if he actually liked muscles more than my body, because he didn't want to have sex with me at all, but he liked to see men's muscles. I angrily asked casually: "Are you gay? You don't love me enough." I wanted to act like a baby and let him coax me, but he was silent for a while, and suddenly said: "I'm sorry, I also Don't know what to do. I can't love your body. I love him so much."

sky!What is this nonsense?It turned out that he has been dating that middle school classmate without telling me. He is a gymnastics coach, and they have been together for more than ten years.Like the sky is about to split and the ground is about to sink, who have I been in love with for 4 years?He said that he didn't want to lie to me. In fact, even he himself didn't know if he really loved him, but it was so sweet to be with him.I said he was sick, he just hoped to have loved ones to love him, he is an only child, he was afraid of loneliness since childhood, I tried my best to make him understand that he loves women, and he also loved me for 4 years.But he said, "I can't enjoy having sex with you, but I enjoy having sex with him. I can't lie to myself about that."

I'm broken in love, but my rival is a man, it's really unreasonable.Should I give up?I don't want to.He is the man I love the most, but I strive to have all his love unconditionally.what should I do? Su Hei Analysis: Coco met a boy who loves men and has a good impression of women, which made her unable to accept it. In her eyes, she may wishful thinking that her boyfriend is sick. Once he is cured, he should recover. In the future, he will only love women, and it is best to live a lifetime I loved her a woman.Or think that her boyfriend is too selfish, knowing that she has had a crush on him for more than ten years, why would she still cheat her feelings, and make her take the initiative to pay for him, and in the end, she will get nothing, and if she loses love, she will also lose What about self-esteem?

Coco felt that the reason for falling out of love was that it was difficult to accept that the rival was a man. I asked her, would it be easier if the other party was a woman?She said yes, and I can only say: No, the result is the same, you are also lovelorn and emotional, and you may even feel more uncomfortable comparing with that woman. When faced with a missed relationship dilemma, we tend to think of the worst of the problem, complicate matters, make ourselves the unluckiest victim, create the reality that we are the unluckiest person in the world, and then attribute our resentment to the other person For example, Coco feels that he is "extraordinary" unfortunate because his love rival is a boy, so "extraordinary" is hurt and "extraordinary" is pitiful.

Be careful, this is a self-pity trap, not a solution.The reality is that her boyfriend's sexual orientation is not clear, he is also in pain, and he doesn't mean to hurt her. Coco should not put the problem on her boyfriend's sexual orientation first, but face the simplest reality: the lover has another lover, and the result is the same regardless of the gender of the rival. On the other hand, her weakness is jealousy and wanting to possess. I must admit that the cause of my inability to let go of my relationship has nothing to do with my boyfriend being gay. Even if my rival is a woman, my problem still exists.Face yourself, go all out, don't force yourself.You can't ask him to change for himself, you should be realistic, care about him if you really love him, help him figure out his true hobbies, and learn to let go.You don't have to accept his other, but at least you don't have to deny him and yourself. Why always divide sex and love? When they are identical, they cannot be separated. When they are apart, no one can close them. This is the reality of many relationships between men and women, no matter what they are.