Chapter 4 Case4. The breadwinner was abandoned

Yazi. 36.Senior Manager of Advertising Agency I don't mind my husband being a live-in man Since I was 3 years old, I have firmly believed that love is the highest value of life. At that time, I did not know where I was stubborn. I firmly believed that as long as there is love, there will be happiness. This is also the greatest achievement in life.Maybe I am a relatively simple type by nature. I am very envious of the white-haired uncle in the park and the same white-haired mother-in-law. The two couples stay together until they are white-headed. No one can understand what they have experienced for decades, but they can Going to the end of old age is a kind of blessing no matter how you say it.

This is the most beautiful picture I can imagine. I have always hoped that my steadfast persistence in love can create the greatest miracle of modern love. When I met him, I thought my super-innocence touched the heavens, and I finally set foot on the road of happiness safely.When I married him, I gave my everything wholeheartedly. I believe that if I compare my heart to my heart, what I give, he will also give for me, and he will understand my heart.In this society, human feelings are thinner than paper, and love is just a product of business. Seeing many men and women marrying for fame and selfish desires, my husband and I feel that it is a gift from God to meet each other. At least we are not secular in terms of love.

We are not rich, and my husband's job has always been in crisis. Fortunately, I have a good education, and I was lucky to get a good position in a company with good prospects, so our life is still good.We have been married for 4 years, we have children, and we have a complete family like a dream. However, when the son turned one year old, the husband lost his job.At first he was quite confident in finding a job, and I kept encouraging him, and said with a smile: "At worst, you can be the house boy, my good wife, and take care of the eldest son. This is quite avant-garde." Actually, I'm not joking. Of course, I hope that men have their own careers, and I hope that the man I love can have his achievements, but when the reality is not satisfactory, I am also quite flexible. I think it is not a problem for women to be able to support their families. The important thing is , we have a happy family.

Take care of his mentality It's all the same old idea: I thought I would create a love legend in this era, and my whole life would be spent peacefully in love. I love my husband very much, and I am very dedicated to running my small family.However, things backfired. Days went by day by day. My husband was full of hope at first, but later he gave up a little bit. His talent was not met, and he stayed at home to take care of the children in broad daylight. I felt very uncomfortable. I have been very careful to take care of his feelings, and I understand that a man will have a great psychological imbalance in this down-and-out situation, and his dignity, self-confidence, and drive will sink day by day.

I dare not ask, or even be happy, for fear that even being in a good mood will become his pressure. A man wants to save face, so I can only wait by his side silently and occasionally encourage him, but I can't say too much. I understand that even a word of encouragement will become ironic or pitiful in the ears of sensitive people. When I thought that I had done my best to be tolerant and caring for my husband, I underestimated his ability to bear it. He was unemployed for 3 years.During these three years, I was basically the sole supporter of the family and children, acting as the pillar of the family.Although I have no complaints and have never expressed any dissatisfaction with my husband, I never thought that my greatness would be enough to cause pressure to insinuate my husband's incompetence.He couldn't bear it at first, and became more and more depressed, and he stopped talking to me. He was silent all day long, and occasionally went out to drink. I was worried in my heart, but I didn't dare to show it.I gradually lost the ability to communicate with him heart to heart.

Husband had an affair Finally, at the beginning of this year, my husband found a job, and he became cheerful because of his jumping-off mood. I felt infinitely comforted, thinking that no matter how hard our days were, his mentality should be balanced, and he should be more able to devote himself to this family and his life. love between us.God knows how eager I am to see him regain his confidence one day. Just when I was looking forward to further love with him, I didn't expect that he had an affair with a female colleague not long after.God, we have been married for 10 years and our son is 6 years old, how can he do this?

The words were passed on to me by his colleagues. At first, I didn’t believe how such a thing could happen. I firmly believe that my husband is a man with a conscience and good character. Although he was in a bad situation, he never did anything immoral. , Our love has not deteriorated because of circumstances. Thinking about it now, maybe it was my wishful thinking, maybe he really changed.Now I have no choice but to accept the reality: my husband, who I thought would support noble love, finally betrayed me and had an extramarital affair with another woman. I felt very painful. I loved my husband deeply and dedicated myself to him. I never thought that there would be a day when he would betray me.I believe in the power of love. I always thought that I would create the love legend of this era. Am I a bit of a perfectionist?Why is married life inseparable from betrayal and the bad luck of giving in vain?My faith was shattered and I didn't know what else to believe.

What I don't understand is why I love him so much, give everything for him, support the whole family, how can he betray me?Where is a man's conscience?When he was unemployed, I didn't dislike him. I just stood up, maintained his dignity, and took care of his psychological pressure.I am so careful and patient, how could he not be considerate and take care of me at all? I understand that giving should not require return, but it should not be betrayed.People outside all praise me as a first-class good wife, everyone sees my goodness, why can't he see it?If everything has a cause and effect, I really want to know why what I have paid will get the result today.

My friends comforted me with good words, telling me that I might as well open my eyes and close my eyes, and some told me that I might as well get a divorce and wake up from the dream.None of their words worked, and I fell into an unprecedented mental dead end.what should I do?Divorce?Or accept the imperfection of marriage from now on, pretend to know nothing, and unilaterally continue the sanctity of love? Su Hei Analysis: There are many cases similar to Yazi. The wife gives everything for her husband and assumes the responsibility of supporting the family. The husband can’t bear the frustration of relying on his wife to support him. Rebuild a man's dignity in front of women.

It's a matter of man's weakness. There is really not much Yazi can do when her husband is unemployed and depends on her to make a living. She must persevere, because of love, and give as much as she can, because she believes that unconditional giving is the greatest love.However, this kind of love may be too far beyond the emotional limit of the husband, but it makes him feel guilty, wanting to avoid facing it, wanting to cheat, psychologically unable to stand the greatness of a woman, and unable to bear the weight of love. Yazi wished to support the family, and suggested that her husband be her good wife and take care of the children at home.Although she is not self-righteous and arrogant, the man's self-defense mentality emerges when he hears it. It is difficult to accept that he is a live-in man who depends on his wife. This is the different values ​​and familiarity of gender roles.Even if she thinks it is not a problem to be able to support the family, the point is to maintain a family wholeheartedly and pay for her husband. This is the greatest expression of love, and she will sacrifice for love. It is more important to be a useful man than to let the wife support the family.

Having a capable wife who can give everything is a source of stress and shame for an incompetent husband.His wife gave without complaint, which added to his guilt.As a result, he needs a woman who can make him feel rejuvenated and balanced, so he chooses an extramarital affair. Yazi's devotion to love is worthy of respect, but after all, love is a relationship created by two people, and unilateral dedication does not guarantee happiness.This is the most paradoxical and laborious fact of love. The question is, is being able to give unconditionally for the one you love the most is the greatest love? Maybe, but it doesn't mean it's the most interesting, and it's even a question of whether the other party has the ability to absorb it. It is really touching to be able to love unconditionally. If you have the ability and find a destined partner, the giving itself can exude pure beauty and increase the thickness of love.But remember one thing: Love needs to talk about the heart, but the heart must talk about strength, and the powerless is just empty talk. Love can't be wishful thinking, give blindly, you will not be able to stand it in the end.Unconditional love is based on your ability to give. If love can't bring positive energy to yourself and the other person, so that everyone can grow up individually. If you don't fear aging, don't fear loss, and don't feel inferior or arrogant, then love is weak and you don't have it yet. The unconditional condition is that when you are already rich, you are not afraid of losing.If you want to keep the relationship by sacrifice and sacrifice, the irony is that this kind of love is very difficult to keep people.The question is, is the other person also capable of receiving your love.Give as much as you can, but it must be done in moderation. You must be able to be independent in your mentality before you have great strength.If you pay, the other party will have no face to accept it. If you need to find a weak person to balance yourself, it is also his choice, the reality of the power relationship between the sexes. Behind a great woman may actually be lack of self-confidence or cowardice, Subconsciously hope to be needed and relied on, But if the sacrifice is more vigorous, it will be easier to be remembered and become an immortal legend.