Chapter 6 Chapter 4 Dr. Zhang Binghui's New Family Education Theory

This happened once when the kids were in school.At that time, in a corner of our yard, a separate study room was built for study.Usually after dinner, if there is nothing else, I will go to my study to write a paper, or prepare the lecture notes for the students the next day.Children often read books or do homework next to me. ☆Mother's trust is a panacea This happened once when the kids were in school.At that time, in a corner of our yard, a separate study room was built for study.Usually after dinner, if there is nothing else, I will go to my study to write a paper, or prepare the lecture notes for the students the next day.Children often read books or do homework next to me.

One day, after studying for a while, I was walking in the yard when I suddenly noticed something in the corner.When I walked in, I saw a bunch of wine bottles. My heart was raised high all of a sudden. My husband and I had never drunk alcohol in our whole life because of our health.Who finished these wine bottles and put them here?This must be someone who secretly drank the wine and hid it here for fear of being discovered. Children in the United States have been exposed to tobacco and alcohol since they were young. It is normal for my children to try it out of curiosity one day. The first thing I suspected was Peter, as a boy who just entered high school, he definitely wanted to try the feeling of drinking.When I asked if he put the wine bottle behind the study, he showed a surprised expression and shook his head vigorously.Finally, I called the children to me and asked them about the bottle in a calm voice.

"We don't know." Despite my repeated questioning, the children still answered this way.I thought there was bound to be a child who would admit his mistake, but in the end, no one admitted, and I didn't know how to deal with it.Since no one admits it, I can't wrong the children.After thinking about it for a while, I said to them: "Mom believes in you." I want to warn them with my trust.If one of them lied in front of mom, he would feel guilty because of my trust, which would be the greatest punishment. When a child makes a mistake, saying to him "I trust you, I made a mistake this time, so don't make the same mistake next time" is far more effective as a warning than loud scolding.People who are trusted by others will blame themselves more when they make mistakes.He looks at his mistakes, introspects himself, and resolves not to make the same mistakes next time.

After this incident, nothing like it happened to the children.Mom's words "I trust you" left an indelible impression on their hearts.When the three children grow up, they don't smoke or drink except on necessary occasions. Sometimes it is necessary to turn a blind eye to a child and close one eye My kids never had any major problems growing up.They didn't hang out with friends in the middle of the night or cause trouble at school.Sometimes I even worry about whether they will be bored with such a life.I asked them what they were dissatisfied with their mother, and they smiled and said, "We are very grateful to you, Mom, for trusting us so much. We would not think otherwise. Our life is much richer than that of Mom."

Of course, children are not perfect as they grow up.When she was a child, Nancy often lied and sued her sister and brother. I never accused her face to face, even if I knew she was lying, I just pretended not to know.What a child does has her own reasons.Only by understanding the reasons why children do things can we more effectively help children correct mistakes. Correct your children's mistakes, don't reprimand them right away.It's best to express it to the children tactfully in a few days so that they don't feel pressured. "I know one of you is always lying. Not long ago, she came to me and said a lot of things, but none of them were true. Lying is wrong, but I don't know why she said that."

Such tactful criticism is more effective than severe reprimand.Children who have made mistakes will correct their mistakes, and children who have not made such mistakes will also carefully examine their behavior. Of course, smart children don't think that their mother said this because they didn't realize their mistake.They understand that their mother did not directly point out the mistake, but gave themselves full trust.They will consciously correct and ensure that they will not make the same mistakes again. If I pursue the wine bottle incident to the end, regardless of whether I blame the child for lying, it will not solve the problem fundamentally, on the contrary it will create a gap between me and the child.

Be sure to adopt some strategies when educating your children.Sometimes it is necessary to turn a blind eye to the child's behavior and pretend not to see it.Even if the child does not meet the expected requirements, trust should be given to the child. The child should grow up in the trust of the mother. ☆Always ask children why When the children were young, there was a family evening at home on report card day.As the children advanced to higher grades and their academic performance improved, the party was not so much about their good grades as a reward for their hard work during the semester.

The so-called party is to eat snacks together, do something you want to do, and relax. Children like watching movies the most. In order to watch their favorite movies that day, the children prepared a lot of videotapes that they usually want to watch but have no time to watch.On that night, several movies will be played in succession at once. Cultivate the habit of observing and thinking After watching a movie, I always have to ask the children some questions. "Children, was the movie interesting just now?" After they each finished talking about their feelings, I went on to ask:

"Are the characters well played?" "Is the plot not compact enough?" "Why did the director choose that scene?" I not only asked them how they felt watching the movie, but also about specific scenes in the movie.Just like writing a review after reading a book, I let the children analyze the plot of the movie themselves after watching the movie. At first, the children simply went to the movies and answered their mother's questions casually.Later, because I had to ask questions every time after watching the movie, the children's attitudes became serious.In order to be able to answer my questions, they are no longer just watching the excitement, but thinking about every scene and every plot in their minds.

Children enjoy watching and analyzing movies without any burden.They also gradually understand that even watching movies can learn a lot from them. This kind of question is not limited to watching movies. Every time an advertisement is inserted in TV, I also guide the children to think about it. "This product is advertised in this way, what kind of publicity effect does the manufacturer hope to get?" "What ingredients does that product contain?" No matter what kind of questions are asked, it is enough for children to express their views on advertisements. Parents, please try to cultivate children's habit of observing things.This kind of thinking can be extended to all areas of life.When shopping, it’s not just a matter of just looking around like a horse on horseback. You can let the children think about how the shelves are structured and why they do this. There are endless similar questions about the age of the customers who come here.

When I first started, I was just trying to develop the thinking habits of the children.But I was amazed at the effect of a little questioning.Children who have the ability to think and observe have also changed their way of thinking when solving problems at school. What is the intent of this question?What should be the fastest and most accurate solution? …Children can always think about problems from multiple perspectives.This ability is not limited to solving learning problems. When children fight over trivial matters, after the incident, they will also think about the reasons for the fight and examine whether they have made mistakes. When looking at things, you should not only look at its surface, but also see through the essence of things.In the usual observation and thinking, you can cultivate such talents in children.With this ability, children can correctly grasp the situation and come up with good countermeasures when they encounter big problems during their growth. Let children think about problems from multiple perspectives After graduating from Yale University, Peter worked in a company.One day, he suddenly said to me with a serious face: "Mom, the job in the company is good now, but in order to have a better development in the future, I think it is necessary to study again. I want to quit my current job." I supported his idea, so Peter quit his job to fight for his higher purpose.Soon, he was admitted to Harvard Business School with the first place.After 2 years of hard study, Peter graduated with the first place again. Now, Peter is starting his business in Manhattan.The accounting he learned in college and the economics and management he learned in the business school made him work with ease. In the face of economic downturn and many companies closing down, his company still stands in the center of Manhattan.If he hadn't chosen to resign and continue his studies at that time, he might still be living a mediocre life in that company now.His decision to resign for further studies was very wise, and his judgment at that time was entirely due to the observation and thinking skills he had developed since childhood. Don't let children always say "yes" or "no" blindly when answering questions, you should ask them more "why", and cultivate the habit of thinking from multiple angles when thinking about questions.The more questions you have in your mind, the more questions you have to think about.Therefore, parents should teach their children not to say "yes" or "no" easily when they do not fully understand. It is a good thing if children can ask unexpected questions or behave unexpectedly.At this time, don't say to your child: "How old are you, why do you ask this?" Children who often ask "why" will first look for the answer themselves.This can cultivate children's thinking and reasoning skills, as well as the ability to observe new things from multiple angles.Isn't Edison who was kicked out of school early because of frequent unexpected behaviors, and Einstein who was different and even regarded as a fool since he was a child, aren't they good examples? Usually only know to do what their parents say, and children who have not developed the habit of independent thinking will eventually be limited by their thinking.When the child is young, everything is done according to the mother's wishes, and there may be no problems, and everything seems to be going well.But as learning requires more and more thinking skills and application skills, children's thinking will gradually fail to keep up.Not only academic performance, but also various problems in life. The world now is the world of the thinker.People who only know how to do what others say, and who don't have their own thoughts will be eliminated sooner or later.Today's world is a world without rules and always full of variables. I hope that mothers who only train their children to say "yes" or "no" will ask their children more "why". "Why do you do that?", "Why do you think that?"... When mothers ask these questions, the children can think to their heart's content, find out the answers by themselves, and build up the confidence to solve the problems. ☆Five rules developed with children A person can only succeed if he has the character of integrity.Of course, there are also people who have accumulated a lot of wealth by relying on trickery and heresy, but such people generally will not end well.As the saying goes: "Whoever plays with fire must set himself on fire." People who play tricks and heresy will eventually fall into the trap they dug themselves.From the news reports in recent years, we can see that many corrupt officials have been punished as they should. I think this is the result of self-inflicted punishment. In the community society of the 21st century, those who have the ability to lead will succeed.People who have no leadership ability and only rely on conspiracy and tactics to deceive others will be eliminated by society and cast aside by everyone sooner or later. Cultivate children to deal with the world with conspiracy and tactics, or cultivate children's basic qualities?It all depends on the choice of the parents.If you want to cultivate the basic qualities of your children, you should make five chapters with them. First, set the rules Within a few days of getting married, I started to feel very embarrassed because the children had no rules in the house.The children's fathers are either attending academic meetings or attending seminars.The children used to be fostered in other people's homes, and they only had themselves in their hearts, without the feelings of brothers and sisters, let alone caring for others.After we live together, it feels like a few strangers living together.I decided to get married in order to raise these three children, but I had no idea how to do it. So I started looking for a way and planned to make some "rules".Announcing the "rules" to the children suddenly will definitely arouse the children's resentment.After some deliberation, I decided to bring it up bit by bit when necessary. First, I start with the question of eating.In the past, the children didn't care about anything when preparing meals, so I asked them to prepare together and set the rules for eating.After the rules for eating, the rules for going to bed and getting up were announced.After giving the children enough time to adapt, the rules have been extended to all aspects of daily life such as cleaning the room, arranging clothes, and cleaning the toilet. In the process of daily life, I let the children gradually understand the importance of setting rules and teach them to adapt slowly. This is easier for children to accept than announcing many rules at once.After understanding the truth, children will consciously abide by these rules after accepting them.When they don't follow the rules, I will also take some appropriate punishment measures. By setting rules, children can be held accountable for their actions and develop self-discipline. Mothers always want their children to live freely, so they protect them in every way.If they see others criticizing their children, some mothers will even shout loudly: "It's not a big deal, what prestige are you playing in front of your children!" In order not to let their children be wronged, some mothers will satisfy their children no matter what they want. They think that doing so is giving their children freedom.Children who grow up under the protection of their mothers think that everything in the world is their own, and when others surpass themselves, they will only be full of jealousy. Does not impose any constraints on children, is it to give them real freedom?In fact, freedom is relative, and real freedom can only be reflected in a restrained life. Think about it, in a society without any norms and regulations, is there any freedom at all?The crime rate will rise sharply, and ordinary people will not dare to go out at night. Without rules, they will lose their freedom.The society we live in has a certain degree of restraint in order to maintain the current freedom. The same is true for a family. A family is like a condensed society with its own norms and rules.If there are no rules, children can do whatever they want, which will make children's thoughts and behaviors loose. If you want to give children real freedom, then you must formulate appropriate rules.In this series of rules, let the children live freely.However, while enjoying freedom, children must also learn to be responsible for their own actions.When mothers formulate family rules, they should be different from ordinary rules. They should be formulated within the range acceptable to children. If children cannot accept them and force them to abide by them, they will put invisible shackles on children, making children at a loss. Second, don't change the rules easily When the kids are at school, no matter what happens, they have to go to bed at 9pm, which is my bedtime rule for the kids.One day, when it was time to go to bed, Alice said to me timidly: "Mom, there is an important exam tomorrow, can I sleep a little later today?" I replied firmly: "Since I know that there will be an exam tomorrow, I should review my homework during the day. Why should I spend my sleeping time reviewing? Turn off the lights and go to sleep!" Alice's tears were about to fall, but I shook my head resolutely.The next day, Alice went to take the exam without finishing her homework. I insist on letting the children develop good work and rest habits because I know the children very well. If they do not have a good rest, they will doze off in class the next day, and they will not pay attention to the lectures. affect daily life. Some people may say that children want to learn, is it necessary to make such a fuss?I don't think so.In the United States, students have a lot of free time besides class time, and students have a lot of review time.I asked Alice what she was doing in her free time, but she couldn't answer. "Alice, if you don't do well in the exam tomorrow, it's not because you didn't review at night, but because you didn't review during the day. We agreed on a bedtime a long time ago. It's your own responsibility if you don't have time to review." I can't remember Alice's grades for that exam now.Alice, who has always been a top student, took the exam without sufficient review. This was the first time, and this brought a great shock to her. Of course, it's okay if I let Alice take up sleep time to review.However, doing so is tantamount to giving Alice a psychological excuse. Maybe before the next exam, she will play with her friends in her spare time and delay her review. Fortunately, Alice never asked to go to bed late because of reviewing homework after this. When the child makes a mistake for the first time, some mothers simply warn him: "Don't make the same mistake next time." But when the child makes the same mistake again, they get angry and even physically punish the child. This is extremely wrong. of.Because it confuses the child very much, they will think to themselves: Why did the mother behave differently twice?Why do I make the same mistake, the first time I can be lucky to avoid it, but the second time I have to be reprimanded. If things go on like this, children will find that beyond the rules, they can also show kindness outside the law.Mother's mood is different, and the rules are also different. It is better not to have such rules.In the child's mind, there will be no concept of rules, and he will only try to figure out his mother's mood, that is to say, he will act according to his mother's wink.Therefore, the rules established with the children must be adhered to. To let children understand the importance of rules, they must be resolutely enforced.Resolute adherence to the rules is the foundation of helping your child build a solid foundation. Third, must abide by the agreement When living in Hawaii, Alice, Peter, and Nancy got out of school at different times. We always made an appointment, and then I drove them home together. One day, I waited for a long time and they didn't show up.Through the car window, I saw them chatting with their friends.We chatted happily for a while, and forgot that mother was still waiting for them. At that time, communication was not as developed as it is now. There was no mobile phone, and there was no online chat. The children always had enough chats together.However, it is a rule we have made for everyone to go home together at the appointed time every day. I got out of the car, walked up to the children and said in a calm tone: "I'm going home first, you can chat with your friends to your heart's content, and go home by yourself after chatting." So I left my three kids and drove home by myself.From school to our home, if we walk, it takes 2 hours.Although I am worried about the children walking such a long distance by themselves, I think this is the punishment they should receive for breaking the agreement, and the agreement should not be broken for personal reasons. A few days later, the children said to me, "I'm so sorry that Mom made so many sacrifices for us, and we only think of ourselves!" "Agreement is the most important thing! Even if it is a family agreement, you must abide by it. Because family members need more trust." Some people may think that there is no need to make such a fuss among family members.However, I think the more it is between family members, the more important it is to keep the agreement.Because a family lives together, it needs to be connected by mutual trust, and mutual trust is realized by keeping promises. Parents must fulfill their promises to their children, so that children will trust their parents.Parents believe in children only when children keep their promises to parents.If commitments are not kept, there is no trust, which can create cracks in the relationship between parent and child and destabilize the family. Fourth, learn to care for others If I don't have anything special to do, I generally take the subway when I go out because it's quick and cheap. When I took the subway, I often saw such a situation: the child was jumping around on the chair with his shoes on, but the mother didn't care about it, and sometimes stained the clothes of the people next to him without even saying sorry.I often think, if children are educated in this way, what will they look like when they grow up? Not only in the subway, but also in restaurants, similar situations often occur.The children were yelling and running around and getting in the way of others, and the parents didn't have the slightest intention to stop the children, just busy eating by themselves. It can be seen that these parents love their children very much, but why don't they think about how much inconvenience this will cause to others?What will the child look like when he grows up? A person cannot exist independently from society, and needs to establish various relationships with others. The same is true for the mother who raises the child, and the child who grows up in the arms of the mother.It is difficult for children who grow up in the greenhouse to reintegrate into society.It is difficult to handle the relationship with others if you only care about your own children. The family is also a condensed society. In fact, it is not difficult for children to realize that they are a member of society and how to live in harmony with others.Let children learn to care about others and know that there are many people living together in this society besides themselves.In this way, when the child is dealing with others, it is not difficult to establish a good relationship. Fifth, develop good language habits Through a person's speech, we can see the quality and status of this person.In the United States, there are high-level English and low-level English.High-level English refers to the language used by knowledgeable people, while low-level English is most commonly used in Harlem, where Manhattan's black population lives.Low-level language is full of vulgar slang and expletives. In the United States, the distinction between high-level language and low-level language is sharp, and it is often the case that a person is judged by the language they use.Even a knowledgeable scholar, if he speaks poor English, people's evaluation will plummet.No matter what kind of talent you have, if you don't have good language habits, you will be regarded as a person without quality.The importance of language habits is not only in the United States, it is the same in any country in the world. However, what are the language habits of Koreans now?In recent years, when Koreans speak, swear words are flying everywhere.On the street, people's conversations basically start with swear words and end with swear words. Not only men, women and children, but even kindergarten children are full of swear words.I have always been worried that children will learn these unspeakable swear words, but how can we guarantee that children will not learn them when adults talk swear words all day long? Since ancient times, there has been a saying that "writing is like a person". A person's good calligraphy often reflects a person's high quality.And language also has the same function, so there is also the saying of "speaking like a person". A person's speech can not only reflect his level of knowledge, but also reflect his cultivation and conduct.No matter how beautiful a girl is, if she speaks foul words, people will think she is a low-quality person.No matter how educated a person is, if he speaks foul language, people will say that he is capable and uncultivated.There are many people who have recognized their bad language habits and tried to correct them.However, this is not an easy task, and language habits cannot be changed overnight. As the saying goes, "Three-year-old is old", the language habits of childhood will determine the language habits of a lifetime.What your child hears as he begins to speak will determine his language habits.Cultivating a child's self-cultivation starts with language habits, and it is best to start when the child is just learning to speak. ☆Requirements for parents themselves Children can see who their parents are.From the behavior of the child, we can see what kind of character the parents are and how they educate their children. In the process of growing up, children learn and accumulate life experience bit by bit from life through imitation.The objects of imitation are mainly those closest to oneself.As the saying goes: "If you plant melons, you will reap melons, and if you sow beans, you will reap beans." A family of doctors will produce many doctors, and a family of scholars will produce many scholars.What children learn from childhood has a great influence on their future growth. This means that family education occupies a very important part of the child's growth process.No matter how good education you receive in school or kindergarten, if your parents don't have a good example, then the child will wander between reality and what he has learned, and in the end he is likely to choose what he sees and hears in reality. However, Korean mothers do not pay attention to their own behavior, but are very sensitive to their children's every move. In order for children to grow up healthily and vigorously, mothers should first set a correct example.In the process of educating children, the mother's level of education is not the most critical issue, because mothers are not teachers who teach children knowledge, but role models for middle school children.Through mother's behavior, children can learn things that they cannot learn in school and kindergarten. First, do the little things with all your heart Koreans are very bad at expressing their feelings. Husbands are ashamed to say "I love you" to their wives, as are mothers and children.Mother's love for children is self-evident, but children don't necessarily think so.If you don't pay attention a little, it may make the child mistakenly think that the mother is a person who only knows how to urge learning and reprimand herself. However, don't think that just saying "My child, I love you!" can make the child understand the mother's painstaking efforts.In the process of raising children, a word is not as effective as an action.Saying "Mom is very worried about you, tell mom if you have any questions" is worse than taking an action that can express this mood so that the child can understand mother. After I got married, how to gain the trust of my children became the biggest problem that troubled me.Even if I say countless times: "How much I love you! My children!", I will not get the approval of the children.Especially Alice, she has reached the age where she can think about problems, and she is full of guard against me. Therefore, I am determined to use actions instead of words to gain the trust of the children.Some mothers in my situation may well gain their children's trust by giving them things they like.And the method I take is to let them feel my care from the smallest link. The so-called caring is not to do everything well for the children, but to start from the daily life. I often chat with the children, stay with them as much as possible, play, sing and dance together. Eliminate the children's sense of distance from me. When chatting with the children, I naturally learned what the children like to do the most, what dissatisfaction they have, and what troubles they have... When the children encounter difficulties, I will not directly solve them for them, but help, Guide them to solve problems on their own.In such repetitions, the children began to trust me.After gaining full trust, once they encounter any problems, the children always come to me first for advice and help. The child trusts the mother, which means that the child has a backing that he can rely on.With such a backing, no matter what you do, you will not be afraid of failure.Even if he fails, there is still a place for him to overcome the failure and stand up again. Earning your children's trust is more effective than words. Second, mother also reads Perhaps there is no country in the world that has a worse learning atmosphere than South Korea. Otherwise, why would there be a program called "Reading Books" on Korean TV stations that calls on citizens to study? For mothers, reading seems to be a very distressing thing. "Our children can't always concentrate on reading, and they start to wander within 10 minutes." When talking about "how to cultivate children's interest in reading", mothers always complain like this, so I asked them: "Do you like reading?" Almost no mother can answer me very simply, 9 out of 10 mothers will answer like this: "We have to do chores and take care of the kids, so we don't have time to read." These words sound plausible, and it seems that no one is busier than Korean mothers.Full-time housewives accumulatively walk as much as 5 kilometers a day, while working mothers work even harder.However, busyness cannot be an excuse for not reading. I am a mother of three children at home, and a professor to my students at school, and my work life is very busy.Even so, I never watch TV during the few breaks I have every day.For me after a busy day, watching a fun TV show is a great choice to relax my tense mind, but if I watch TV, the kids watch TV too.Therefore, I prefer to take reading an interesting book as a rest. When the children see me, they will also read and study. Unknowingly, this has become their habit.I asked them which is more interesting, watching TV or reading a book?They always answer: reading is the most interesting thing in the world. Of course, it is a bit difficult to ask Korean mothers like this, and everyone has their own different hobbies.But think about it, what do mothers do after sending their kids off to do homework or journal?Do you pass the time by watching TV? In order to relax the nerves after a tense day, it is understandable to watch TV for a break, but you must understand that when the mother watches TV for relaxation, the child will also have the idea of ​​watching it together.As a result, children, like mothers, always think about the content of TV, or regard watching TV as a part of daily life, which affects learning. If you really want your children to study, mothers must first develop the habit of reading, and children will learn to do it like mothers. When reading becomes a daily habit of mothers, children will also regard it as part of their lives. Third, let the children see that the mother is an example of obeying order On the road, we can often see such a situation: the mother and the child are about to cross the road together, but they are still far away from the pedestrian crossing. After looking at the surrounding vehicles, the mother holds the child's hand and passes through the motorway.Usually in school or kindergarten, the teachers have been teaching children to cross the road to walk at the crosswalk, but the behavior of the mother will make the child question: "Why don't you cross the road at the crosswalk?" I can only say evasively: "Mom can do this when she crosses the road." Mom's explanation was so absurd that it made people laugh.However, what is certain is that such a small mistake by the mother will affect the value of the child's life.Schools and kindergartens teach children to abide by order, and there is a vigorous movement to observe order in society, but one behavior of the mother makes the children lose the awareness of obeying order. I wonder if mothers who have read this book will examine what they usually do?In a large discount supermarket, if parents push the shopping carts on a rampage and always push the shopping carts out of the specified range when shopping, children will naturally not develop the habit of observing this situation. We want to become a developed country that abides by order.According to the survey, South Korea is the country with the worst sense of order among the countries that have joined the OECD (Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development).Consider this quote: "A false sense of order could kill your child." It can be said that parents abide by the order for the children to grow up more safely. Fourth, do not often use words like "tired, hard, angry" Koreans have two diseases, one is "hard work" disease and the other is "complaining" disease.Of course, people will be very tired if they are busy all day long, and they can't afford a house after working hard every day, so they won't be in a good mood.Housewives, in particular, repeat monotonous and heavy housework every day: cleaning, washing clothes, grocery shopping, cooking... With a small amount of income, they have to prepare a lot of training fees for their children.Prices are rising every day, life is getting more and more difficult, I can’t make ends meet, and I have to buy this and that for my parents and in-laws. Therefore, it is understandable that young mothers often complain, but now, "tired, hard , get angry" has almost become their mantra. However, blurting out words is fatal to children's education.父母的牢骚，会使孩子们以为世界就是一个生活艰辛、劳累、让人充满牢骚的地方。在这样的环境中成长起来的孩子对社会会产生一种畏惧感。 而事实上，抱怨所带来的负面影响还远远不止这些，如果孩子以为使妈妈又累又生气的对象还包括爷爷、奶奶、爸爸、甚至自己时，他们就不会认为家庭是一个乐园，而是一个令人痛苦的地方。 第五，不要和别人比较 “邻居家的孩子早就开始学英语了……” “姐姐不是第一就是第二，你是怎么学的？” 这是在韩国家庭中经常听到的话，韩国有很严重的语言暴力现象。所谓语言暴力，是指使用过分的语言或在和他人比较时所使用的过激语言。对孩子而言，语言暴力比体罚更容易造成伤害。 有人认为通过比较可以激发人更大的潜力，这是毫无根据的。在把孩子和别人做比较的时候，孩子不一定会产生竞争心理，反而会有失败感和羞愧心。因为失败感，孩子会失去自信，不只是成绩，在生活中也会处处碰壁。 一般情况下妈妈们总是把孩子的学习成绩作为和别人比较的尺度。因为其他的才能(如绘画或音乐等)不容易比较，因此父母总把孩子们的学习成绩和排名同别人进行比较。如果学习成绩好，就是能力出众，成绩不好，则被认为没有能力。 这一点令人怀疑，学习成绩好，真的就代表孩子能力出众吗？这只是大人们自己制定的标准，当然我们也不能忽视这种能力。但是，单凭学习成绩这个标准来衡量孩子们的能力是不正确的。 单纯凭借学习成绩来评价孩子的能力存在一个巨大的误区。对所有的孩子来说，每个人有各自不同的能力。即使是双胞胎兄弟，能力也各不相同。怎么能仅凭学习成绩来评价孩子的能力呢？ 问题的关键不是孩子的能力问题，而是父母是否善于发现孩子的能力。父母是为孩子的人生打基础的人，而韩国的父母们总是拿邻居家的孩子和自家的孩子比，却把自己的职责抛到了九霄云外。把自家的孩子和邻居家的孩子比较，就好像拿自己家的苹果树和邻居家的梨树做比较一样没有意义。 现在不要再把时间浪费在和别人家的孩子做比较上了，有这个时间，还不如和孩子在一起做一个有趣的游戏，等待着孩子展现自己的才能。 在韩国，妈妈们十分辛苦，尤其是为了把孩子培养成才，可以说不辞劳苦。但是，只有满腔热情、盲目地辛苦并不能保护孩子和正确培养孩子。在教育孩子的过程中有一点是非常重要的，那就是妈妈必须以身作则，让孩子在自己潜移默化的影响下健康成长。 天才是1%的天分加上99%的血汗。我也有这么一句话：孩子的成功是1%的天性，加上妈妈99%的教育。