Chapter 5 Chapter 3 Morality a Child Should Possess

☆Let children know themselves Think from a child's point of view When the children were young, I used to play a game of questioning with them.There is actually no correct answer to the question, but kids really enjoy playing this game.Let's assume a situation first, and then we all think about how to deal with it if we are in this situation.For example, sometimes I ask questions like: "I have a very good friend who needs money urgently, so he borrowed 10 dollars from me, but I only have 5 dollars, and this 5 dollars is very important to me. What should I do in this situation?"

The children tilted their heads to express their opinions.Some said: "I also need money very much, and I can't lend it to my friends." Some said: "My friends need money more urgently than me, so I should lend it to my friends." Find a way to raise $10 for a friend." In the end, I didn't say what I thought. What a person should do depends on the circumstances at that time.It is impossible to simply say which approach is correct and which approach is wrong. I often ask children similar questions.In this "if it were me, what should I do" assumption, children gradually have a correct understanding of themselves.

Back then, I left my caring parents and doting brother, and came to the United States alone. In this strange country, everything had to start all over again.From making the bed to sleeping to washing and drying clothes, like a child learning to walk, I slowly groped. No matter what, once we get used to doing it, we will find that it is actually not as difficult as we imagined.But, in many sudden cases, one must make his own judgment, and this is perhaps the most difficult of all.When I can't make a correct judgment, I always ask myself: "What should I do?" In order to find the most correct answer, I don't hesitate to spend a lot of time and energy.

During school, there were many problems in front of me, which required me to think hard.Sometimes, I even think about how I should apply for American citizenship for my children if I live in the United States; what opportunities and challenges my children may encounter in the future while living here.These things require my own thinking. Everyone will encounter similar problems, whenever this time, I think the most important thing is to believe in yourself.If you don't believe in yourself, when you face a fork in the road and need to make a choice, you will easily feel uneasy, and you will fall into hesitation.

Fortunately, in my questioning game, my children gradually realized themselves, understood what they wanted to do, how to do it best, and began to understand their own lives. The era of individual ability 21st century - the era of personal ability Today, each of us can feel first hand that the pace of globalization is accelerating day by day.Most of the daily news is closely related to the international situation.In this case, we should not limit ourselves to South Korea but think about the problem from the perspective of the whole world. Today's children are already in the era of globalization.Since elementary school, English has become a compulsory subject for children.With the increasing trend of globalization, the Internet is developing more rapidly.Foreign countries that used to feel far away are now like neighbors next door. Through the Internet, we can easily learn about major events and news happening in foreign countries.Therefore, it is not possible to just lock children up and study behind closed doors, but let them look at the world.The wave of globalization has also made parents uneasy.Because the stage where people can display their talents is wider and the directions they can choose are more diverse.

Like the two sides of a coin, there is danger hidden in opportunity.With the development of society, there are more and more opportunities to choose, but on the other hand, personal pressure is also increasing. If you don't really know yourself, the so-called opportunity cannot be an opportunity.If you can't really know yourself, it is difficult to make correct judgments when faced with choices.Once a wrong choice is made, it will affect a person's life. What should children do to better understand themselves? Start by knowing your own situation Before I married my husband, I always played and chatted with my three children like a family.The children who yearn for maternal love are very attached to me, and they always hold my skirt tightly and pester me to play with them.

On the first day I lived with my children, I called them up and asked them, "Do you feel sorry for yourself?" They seemed a little overwhelmed by the sudden question.After a while, all three children nodded.I asked them calmly again: "What do you think of Dad?" "My father is also very pitiful. My mother passed away so early, leaving us alone." After listening to Alice's candid answers, I finally asked them again: "What about me?" With tears in their eyes, the children choked up and said, "After we marry Dad, we have to take care of Dad and the three of us. Mom is also a poor person. Our family is all poor people."

While weeping, I took the children's hands and said, "Yes, we are all poor people. Poor people should cherish life even more when we are together, right? We should work hard to live well when we are together, and become Happy people." Before the children met me, they lived in other people's homes for a full three years.Living with people who have no blood relationship, the pain experienced by children is beyond words.The family that adopted Peter didn't want to take any responsibility for asking the father to sign off on giving the kid even an aspirin. I brutally said the words "We are all poor people" in front of children with painful memories.This is our first day as a family.

I am a person with delicate feelings. Under normal circumstances, I will not easily say such things that make children feel sad.However, I considered it in my heart for a long time, and finally decided to say it, because although saying this sentence will bring back painful memories for the children, the pain is only momentary, and this sentence has a profound effect on the growth of the children. profound influence. We should forget the past and imagine our future life.But for children, they should have a correct understanding of real life and understand what kind of environment they are currently in.Although this is a bit painful, a correct understanding is necessary.Without this understanding, future plans and goals are nothing but lofts in the air.

Our current family is in such a situation: the children are fostered separately in strangers' homes before weaning, and they cannot feel the affection of brothers and sisters between each other; I have to attend various academic conferences outside and cannot go home; but I, as the wife of my husband and the mother of my child, am a foreigner without any blood relationship. Before living together, my children and I got along very well, but after becoming a family, we live together every day, and conflicts and frictions are inevitable.I hope that children can face this reality correctly.If we fail to face the reality correctly, then once problems arise in the future, the contradictions are likely to intensify further.

I know my situation very well. The reason why I ask my children to understand their situation clearly is because our family is different from other ordinary families.As I said before, I had to do this in order to have a secure life in America of opportunity. When the children are admitted to college and leave home, I will give them a pair of wool socks, which are not ordinary wool socks but the wool socks they wore when they were young, and these wool socks have been patched and mended. "When wearing these socks, carefully feel the roughness of the soles of your feet, so that no matter where you are or what situation you are in, you will have a correct understanding of yourself." I want children to experience their environment and realize that they are still very weak in the United States.Then have them make a plan for how to transcend this reality and become exceptional.In the end, my children were admitted to top universities in the United States and completed their studies with excellent grades, all of which stem from their objective and clear understanding of themselves.On the basis of correct self-knowledge and calmly grasping opportunities, people can open up a glorious road beyond realization and realization of dreams. Now that my children are grown up and have children of their own, I still often tell them: "He who has no knowledge of reality cannot describe the future, because the future is based on reality." If you want your children to successfully create the future, you should first teach them how to correctly understand reality. Help children establish the concept of country In June 2002, the whole of South Korea became a sea of ​​joy, and the whole country was immersed in the joy of victory.In the star-studded and world-renowned World Cup, the South Korean national football team miraculously entered the semi-finals, creating an immortal myth.During the World Cup, there was a wave of red on the streets.Even elementary school students who did not know the meaning of the Taegeukgi flag blurted out, "I am very proud to be a Korean." All citizens had a new understanding of their homeland. However, when the excitement left by the World Cup has gradually cooled, the fear caused by the financial crisis has quietly struck the hearts of the people again in the face of South Korea's current difficult economic situation.If you ask again: "As a Korean, are you proud?" How many people can still nod at this time?Maybe some people will laugh at my opinion. In this world that has become globalized, what kind of country is there? I think the more difficult the country is, and the more the tide of globalization is surging, the more important the concept of the country is.Where do I belong and which nation's blood do I bleed, this is where a person's happiness and complex lies.A country can be strong and prosperous when all people are united. The United States, which knows this well, is secretly implementing its neo-colonial policy in foreign markets.They promote globalization, and the idea of ​​"global village" is just to make people dilute the concept of country in their minds.And children are affected by this, and they gradually don't know what a country is.Children drink Coke, eat hamburgers, and wear foreign famous brands since they were young. How can they love their own country if they continue like this? Of course, the national concept I am talking about is definitely not the kind of national concept advocated by Japanese militarism during World War II.I want Korean kids to feel proud of being Korean wherever they go. Let's take another look at the financial crisis that has plunged all Koreans into dire straits.At that time, the country was unable to repay foreign debts, but many Korean children were still eating McDonald's hamburgers, drinking Coca-Cola, and wearing Nike sneakers on the street.During that difficult period of economic life, every foreign famous brand that entered Korea through franchising took away a lot of foreign exchange from us. We cannot simply blame our children, as parents we also have an unshirkable responsibility. In the face of harsh reality, re-establishing the national concept can strengthen our confidence. When my children were very young, Americans discriminated against Orientals living in the United States.In this atmosphere, the second-generation Orientals born in the United States are vague about their origins, causing a lot of inner conflicts. In order for my children to grow up healthily in the United States without losing their roots and pride as a Chinese, I have devoted a lot of effort. I found a chart of world history that can be seen at a glance, so that children can first understand China's position in world history.I also corrected and explained the parts of Chinese history distorted by the United States in the school one by one. Of course, I also let them understand the history of Korea, so that they have a new understanding of Korea.They learned that their roots are in China and what it's like to raise mothers in South Korea. As they grow up, they really know where their roots are.When they graduated from high school, their names on their diplomas were Nancy Zhang Yang, Peter Zhang Yang, and Alice Zhang Yang, respectively, which was their own initiative. Although they had American names, they knew they belonged to China and Korea, so they decided to add both their father's and mother's surnames to their names.In fact, they have no blood relationship with South Korea, but they said that what they learned from their mothers is equivalent to a gift from South Korea, and they also have the brand of South Korea on them. The children's national concept has been accompanied by them as they grow up, and they have always adhered to this principle.No matter when and where they maintain such a sense of pride.This sense of pride becomes their motivation to affirm and develop themselves. Decades ago, nationalism was synonymous with patriotism.In recent years, although the boundaries between countries have gradually blurred, and now even the distinction between ethnic groups is not very clear, the concept of a country is an element that a person must have in this world.The more globalized, the more important the concept of country. With the neo-colonial policies of developed countries, no matter where in the world, food and clothing are almost the same.In China, the KFC brand can be seen everywhere, and you can also eat McDonald's hamburgers in Russia.This phenomenon makes people forget their own country and ignore their blood.In this way, the diversity of each country, each ethnic group, and even each individual is buried.In many parts of the world, people's lifestyles and living habits are becoming consistent. Clearly establish your own national concept, understand where you belong, and only with the backing of the country can you build self-confidence.From a certain point of view, this is also an important factor for a person to develop and succeed. Mothers don't always try to help their children build a sense of nation through textbooks and biographies of great men.Let your children take action and let them say loudly to the land they live in: "I am from the ×× country!" This will help to deeply root the concept of the country in their minds.Even when the children grow up, no matter when, where, or under what circumstances, their national conception will not be shaken. There is a fairy tale that goes like this: The baby elephant was very envious of his father's long nose and strong ivory. "Why am I so ugly? I don't have as beautiful ivory as my father, nor as tall as my mother. Why am I so short? I can't eat wild fruits, and I can't play under the waterfall..." The baby elephant asked other animals passing by: "How can I be like my father?" The animals in the past answered it like this: "Don't wander around, think about what you have now, and carefully appreciate the value of it." The understanding of oneself cannot be taught or learned. Only let children experience and create by themselves. As parents, we cannot force children to know themselves. What we should do is to let children feel for themselves, and parents play an auxiliary role. ☆The meaning of failure and success Don't be the main character in your child's life In a family with children, a mother’s day usually goes like this: In the morning, she cooks breakfast for the whole family, sends her husband to work and wakes the children up to send them to kindergarten.The children always sleep too much in the morning, wake them up and send them to the kindergarten after being coaxed and frightened, and then they have to go home to clean up the messy bedding and clean the room. Before I knew it, it was afternoon again, and it was time to pick up the children from the kindergarten.If it is a little later, these naughty children don't know what trouble they will get into. In kindergarten without a mother to supervise, children usually eat a lot of snacks, and when it's dinner time they don't eat well.No matter what the mother said, the children would not listen, and in the end they had to chase the children around with their rice bowls. For the naughty children, eating was as painful as taking medicine. It was hard to feed the dinner into the children's mouths one by one, and then I had to watch the children do their homework.Then, you have to supervise the children brushing their teeth and washing their faces.After all of this is over, the kids who are in front of the TV have to be forced to go back to bed. Mothers raising children are like going to war. Not only do mothers have to send their children to kindergarten or school, but they also have to watch their children study, clean the room, make bedding, wash and cook at home... There is no country in the world like South Korea, where mothers surround their children all day long.Korean children can only do what their mother says honestly, otherwise they will be regarded as "bad children".It is simply impossible for children to do something they like.My mother always said: "Don't worry about this, you just need to study, and mother will do the rest for you." don't stop kids from doing things When I was young, I had to abide by several principles at home: I had to clean up my room every morning when I got up, and if I didn’t clean it up, I couldn’t go to school.We had a bell in each room that my father used to wake us up.As soon as we heard the bell, we had to get up and make the bedding, clean the room briefly, and then wait for father's inspection at the door. "Binghui went to school after breakfast, and you guys continued to clean the room." If the brothers were lazy and didn't clean the room, the father would discipline them.If you don't tidy up your room well, you won't be able to go to school on time. There is also a rule that small clothes such as underwear must be washed by hand.Even in the cold winter, you can't ask someone else to wash it for you.My mother is usually soft-hearted, but at this point, I don’t know what my father said to her. Even in the coldest winter, my mother didn’t help us. Another point is that when eating at home, no one will call you.When it's time to eat, no matter what you're doing, hurry to the restaurant to eat.If it is past meal time, you will only be hungry.My father's policy is: Don't cause trouble to others because of personal reasons. At the beginning, my father always said: "If it is late, no food will be given." However, after a few times of starvation experience, we all consciously served our own meals according to the time without being told by others. . Growing up under this kind of education, I understand the value of children's self-reliance.Doing their own things by themselves is a precious asset in life for children. Like my father, I set rules for my own children.The children have to clean the room and wash their underwear by themselves.At dinner, Alice and Peter served and washed the dishes, cleared the table, and Nancy, the youngest, set the chopsticks and spoons on the table. Nancy has been fond of acting like a baby since she was a child, and she often acts like a child until now.I remember one day, after Nancy came back from the kindergarten, she quietly said to me: "Mom, the homework left for us in the kindergarten is too difficult, can you help me finish it?" How can a child refuse to seek help from his mother?And it's a question of learning.After I read the textbooks that Nancy Kindergarten sent out, I changed my mind.I can definitely help Nancy complete homework, but I think the teacher will not leave homework that is beyond the children's ability. The homework left by the teacher is difficult, and there must be a reason for the teacher, so the children should be allowed to complete it by themselves. So I said to Nancy: "My mother is not very good at it. You can definitely come up with a better method than my mother. Moreover, the teacher also hopes that you can do it by yourself. If you really can't do it, you can ask the teacher. The teacher is better than you." Mom explained it better." Nancy immediately showed an unhappy expression, and I deliberately pretended to be indifferent. I don't know how long it took, Nancy kept flipping through the thick book, racking her brains to think about the problems left by the teacher. Seeing her hard work, I couldn't help but soften my heart.Looking at the clock hands, I was hesitating whether to help her once, when the child suddenly let out a sigh of relief and said, "It's finally done." "Mom, I've finished everything, but there are still a few things I don't understand. I'll ask the teacher tomorrow." While drinking the water from the refrigerator, Nancy muttered, "It's easier than I thought..." Since then, Nancy has never asked me for help with homework.She always solves problems by herself by turning to encyclopedias or consulting related books.If she encountered a problem that she couldn't solve, she would go directly to the teacher.She learned that there was no shame in failing to resolve a problem despite her best efforts. Through this kind of education, children's own affairs never drag others down.Even if no one urges them, they will take the initiative to do what they can.They know what they can do, which is the key to their self-reliance. American parents let their toddlers put on and tie their own shoes.No matter how long the child needs, the parents never help the child.Just wait silently for the child to dress himself.They believe that parents who help their children do things deprive them of their right to do things. "What right do parents have to deprive their children of the opportunity to do something? That's ultra vires." experience success and failure One day, Peter came to me with a small notebook in his hand, which I had asked him to keep in his diary, to exercise his writing ability.However, Peter, who was holding a small notebook, had a very downcast expression.I looked at the notebook quietly, but nothing was written on it, and it was still blank. "Mom, I really can't write. I really can't write my thoughts." I didn't write a line, I was a little disappointed, and the child sighed.I smiled and said to Peter, "It's okay, Peter, maybe it's better to fail a few times than succeed the first time. Maybe you'll be happier when you can write it." Peter is more likely to fail than Alice and Nancy, and he has a sense of inferiority in his heart. Compared with the excellent Alice, he always lacks self-confidence. My top priority right now is helping Peter regain his confidence.If you are afraid of failure, you will not regain your self-confidence anyway.The success gained after experiencing failure can enable people to gain stronger self-confidence. In the alternation of failure and success, Peter's writing level has improved unconsciously, and his smile makes me even more gratified.He now has self-confidence and is no longer afraid of failure. Basic motherhood is a must in parenting.If a mother does not even have the most basic maternal love, it is difficult for her to overcome the difficulties encountered in the process of raising children.However, motherhood sometimes blinds moms too. There was a child who was extremely dull compared with his peers. Since he was a child, he was often teased by his peers, and even his teachers looked down on him.For this reason, the child's mother was in great pain. She thought: How can I protect the child from harm?So, she keeps her child away from anything that might cause harm or frustration to the child.She helps the child with homework; when the child is with peers, she does not let the child compete with others; "Mom will buy you better toys." Not long ago, I met this mother, and she said with tears in her eyes, "My child can't do anything now, what will he do when I die?" This mother is taking away from the child the right to do things for himself. For those children who live in the arms of their mothers and have never tasted failure, they will lack the ability to live independently in this world.In today's society, there are countless cases of youth committing suicide due to problems such as academic performance, the opposite sex, or money, and the number of cases is on the rise. I am afraid that the lack of independent living ability is one of the very important reasons. What these children have in common is that they don't know how to solve problems when they encounter problems. They have been under the protection of their parents since they were young, and they have never experienced the taste of failure. Problems will always appear suddenly. When a child reaches adolescence, some problems will occur that even parents are inconvenient to know about.Children who have never experienced failure and setbacks will be very painful at this time, and they are at a loss for sudden problems, unable to find a way to solve the problem, and may eventually choose extreme methods. Think about it, does your child also have such a problem?Don't regret that you loved your child too much when things come to an end.Your children will also encounter difficult problems in the process of growing up. Let your children go through the trials of failure. Only in this way will they be able to make the right choice when encountering difficulties in the future. Be a supporting role in your child's life Mother's help is necessary for the child.However, in the life of the child, the mother should only play a supporting role at any time, and let the child become the protagonist of his own life.Mothers should guide their children to have correct values ​​and be able to live independently.It's not that if children don't experience failure, they can't do anything, but after failure, mothers should be able to help them stand up again. When the child is a toddler, mothers are always worried that the child will fall, bump, touch, or go to a dangerous place.However, only by overcoming obstacles and colliding can children go faster and faster.Don't let the child go through the practice of knocking and knocking, the child will only spin around in place. When raising a child, let the child realize the true meaning of life by himself.Push the child forward behind his back, don't let the child experience the wind and rain, the child only knows how to stick to the rules.When the child encounters a problem, it is too late to blame the child and say, "Why don't you even know this!"This shows that the mother did not understand the meaning of being a supporting role. Don't be the protagonist of the child's life, the mother is just a supporting role.The supporting role is to help the child while the main character is doing his best.In the process of experiencing success and failure, children will become tenacious and confident. In the future, children will understand that this is the best gift from their mothers. ☆Enjoy the joy of life together Teaching Children the Difference Between "I" and "We" When I was studying in the United States, I worked part-time in the school cafeteria. I was mainly responsible for cleaning up the dishes and cups, pouring food residues into the bucket, and then sending the dishes to the kitchen. One day, I walked into the kitchen with a bunch of coffee cups, and I missed them because they were so heavy, and they all fell to the floor.I immediately despaired, I couldn't work anymore, at this moment the administrator came up to me, and he asked me worriedly: "Are you okay?" I kept saying, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" The administrator then said to me, "Today is a really unlucky day," and left. That night, I wrote a letter to my mother. "Mom, I will be blamed for accidentally breaking the dishes at home, but I will be comforted by others for breaking several cups in a foreign country." I went on to write: "The United States is really an unusual country. The potential of this country probably lies here!" Since then, the figure of the administrator always appeared in my mind, so I worked more seriously, because the comfort of the administrator made me regain my confidence.This incident made me understand where a person's strength comes from and how I should live. With this memory in mind, after I get married, I hope that my children will also understand this truth.Because caring and giving are the best weapons in life.It is precisely in order to cultivate this concept in children that I let them share housework from a very young age, and brothers and sisters help each other. When we were in Japan, in order to reduce the burden of housework, we hired a Japanese girl.This girl is called Caizi, and she has a carefulness that does not commensurate with her age. However, after this girl came to our home, something unexpected happened.With all the housework done, the children often hand over to Ayako what they should do.After returning from school, I cleaned the room by myself and prepared dinner together.But now they're getting lazy.After waking up, I didn't even bother to tidy up the bedding.After a few days, I felt that I couldn't let them go on like this, so I called them all to me. "Caizi came to our house and brought us joy. She is like our family, but you use her indiscriminately. I am very grateful to her, and I want to send her on the premise that she does her own things well. Go to school, you have to help her." "Then who will clean our house?" the children asked me in surprise.I didn't answer them, and said to the overwhelmed Caizi: "You don't need to clean the room so many times a day, just once after school at night. It may be hard for you, but it's for your own good. You have to persevere. " According to what I said, I took her to sign up for a typing training school.From the next day, she set off from home with us in the morning, and returned home to do housework in the afternoon after finishing her classes at school. Unexpectedly, Ayako cleaned the room even better. Two years later, Ayako finished her studies at school and became an excellent typist. She left our house soon after.A small care, but changed her life. Ayako, who has entered middle age, still often calls me to greet our family.Although she said thank you to me every time, in fact, I am also very grateful to her from the bottom of my heart.How would my children have learned how to care and give for others if they hadn't met her? Because of Caizi, the children learned to care about others, which played a big role in their future lives.The two daughters became lawyers protecting the client's rights and interests, and Peter became an excellent CEO. Under his leadership, the staff members united sincerely and worked hard for the company's philosophy. can't live without giving Giving for others is not as easy as it sounds, because sometimes, giving and caring will involve your own direct interests.Especially in this age of competition, it is often considered a fool to pay for others.This is just the thinking of some short-sighted people, in fact, it is very difficult to survive in this world without giving, giving and caring. The 21st century is the era of individualism.With the development of the times, people pay more and more attention to personal ability.In this era, people who can coordinate interpersonal relationships are more needed.In other words, while professional skills are required, the ability to build close relationships with others and synthesize personal opinions is also required. Recently, various companies have proposed a concept of "servant leadership" for leaders in the 21st century. "Servant" means servant, and "leadership" means leadership ability. "Servant leadership" means "servant leadership".This means that the leaders who will receive attention in the future are not necessarily those who can give instructions and have leadership qualities, but more people who can serve the future of the entire team and personal growth, and maintain mutual collaboration. Now is the era of emphasizing individuality, but leaders who can integrate personality and characteristics are the development direction of future leaders.According to the survey of the famous current affairs magazine "Fortune", one-third of the top 100 companies in the world regard the "servant leadership" strategy as their business philosophy. It is necessary for us to seriously think about the relationship between "I" and "we", and we should not only focus on personal interests, but also learn to give to others while asking for it.Giving is not an ethical code we are bound to follow.But in today's world of intricate relationships, giving to others is an important survival weapon. Our society now only emphasizes the growth and development of children themselves.Everything is for oneself.In fact, education that emphasizes self and excludes others will push children to a road of no return. The current education methods of mothers are also divorced from the reality of society.I leave delicious food to my children, and never teach my children to share with friends; if my children are bullied by other children, they will often drag their children to find others to "beg for justice", and even ask others Fighting at home. This kind of education of parents will make children unable to properly handle interpersonal relationships in the process of interacting with others.Not being self-effacing and caring for others, after stepping into the society, the selfishness of only caring for oneself and disregarding others may become the fuse of conflicts and contradictions.How can such a child become a pillar of the future society? Find educational methods from small things How do I teach my children to care for and give to others? When children were young, keeping pets was popular in the United States.The kids pestered me to buy them a pet guinea pig.In the end, I couldn't help the children's begging and bought them one. "The guinea pig is a living animal, which is different from the toys you usually play with. You should treat it like a friend." However, although the children loved the guinea pig, they did not take good care of it.They keep it in a dirty cage, forget to feed it all the time, and don't care if the guinea pig lives or dies.于是，有一天我对孩子们说：“今天没有晚饭吃了。你们不好好照顾荷兰猪，好几天没有喂它了。你们也饿一顿，体会一下小荷兰猪是多么的痛苦吧。” 孩子们全都沉默了。他们很快给小荷兰猪换了一个清洁的新“住处”，还给它的窝里放上我们吃的野菜，水槽里加满了水。 从那之后，我开始注意培养他们帮助别人、关心别人的习惯。我让他们明白自己小小的付出，会给别人带来无限的快乐。 有一天，我对正在擦洗厨房水池的彼得笑着说：“彼得，谢谢你！妈妈可以休息一下了。你这样帮妈妈，妈妈心里很高兴。”看着妈妈的笑脸，彼得也露出了灿烂的笑容。我想，在那一瞬间，彼得肯定也明白了别人快乐自己也快乐的道理。从那以后，彼得不只是对我，连爱丽丝和南希的事也乐于效劳了。 关怀别人、给予别人并不一定非要做出多么伟大、多么了不起的举动。带领孩子们去养老院或者孤儿院做义务劳动当然是关怀别人的体现，但我们毕竟不可能每天都去这样的地方献爱心，所以，关怀别人、给予别人最基本还是在日常生活中的小事得以体现。 在释迦牟尼轶事中有这样一个“无财七施”的故事： 一个人跑到释迦牟尼面前哭诉。 “我无论做什么事都不能成功，这是为什么？” “这是因为你没有学会给予别人。” “可我是一个一无所有的穷光蛋呀！” “并不是这样的。一个人即使没有钱，也可以给予别人七样东西。第一，和颜施，就是用微笑与别人相处；第二，言施，就是要对别人多说鼓励的话、安慰的话、称赞的话、谦让的话、温柔的话；第三，心施，就是要敞开心扉，对别人诚恳；第四，眼施，就是以善意的眼光去看别人；第五，身施，就是以行动去帮助别人；第六，座施，就是乘船坐车时，将自己的座位让给老弱妇孺；第七，房施，就是将自己有空下来的房子提供出来，供别人来休息。如果你有了这七种习惯，好运会随之而来的。” 让孩子明白：不经意的称赞、善意的目光、小小的牺牲和谦让也可以给别人带来快乐。 现在，你可以做出结论了：是让孩子在激烈竞争中，扮演一个踩着别人向上爬的光杆司令，还是成为在充满关怀与给予的生活中获得力量的孩子呢？ ☆劳动的价值 品尝自己解决问题所带来的快乐 有一天，从小就身体虚弱的彼得突然对我说：“妈妈，请您同意我从明天开始去送报纸。” 当时，彼得在夏威夷最有名的普纳胡高中上学，在那里聚集了大批优秀的学生，学校的功课相当繁重。 但是，彼得为什么忽然想起要去送报纸呢？在这么重要的时期，彼得提出这个要求让我很为难。经不住彼得诚恳的请求，最后我同意了他的想法，不过我给他提出了一个要求。 “如果你真的喜欢，那就去做吧。但是，既然决定做了，你就要坚持到底不能中途退出。” 几天后，彼得真的去送报纸了。其实，送报纸是一份很辛苦的工作，每天凌晨3点别人还在熟睡的时候，他就要去报纸配送站领报纸，然后骑着自行车将报纸送到各个居民点。送完报纸后再去学校上学。 那时候恰巧孩子们的奶奶住在我家，奶奶很担心孙子，彼得起床后，她也一起起床，一定要为孩子准备早餐，否则她自己也睡不着觉。而且在孩子不在的时候，她还责备我不是一个好妈妈。指责我让一个刚刚15岁的孩子做这么辛苦的事情。我是这么回答她的：“妈妈，这是孩子在成长过程中必须经历的事情。彼得以前身体很虚弱，通过送报纸，他现在身体变结实了，精神也很好，这不是什么坏事。” 我虽然对孩子的奶奶这么说，其实自己心里也非常担心。爱丽丝和南希也非常担心彼得，每次下大雨或者刮大风，他们都悄悄地跟在彼得后面，看着他离开家门。 在一边学习，一边送报纸的过程中，彼得从没有说过放弃。在彼得送报纸的时期，我没有开车送过他，也没有劝他：“别干了。”彼得送报纸一直到中学毕业，足足坚持了3年。 那段时间对我来说也是一个考验，每次心里实在忍受不下去的时候，我就安慰自己说：“这将是孩子最宝贵的财富。”彼得就像了解我的心思似的，在高中时期，他的成绩没有一点退步，身体却越来越强壮。送报纸也是一份需要讲信用的工作，彼得在结束这份工作时，被评为“最优秀报纸配送员”。我现在还经常想起，彼得像演杂技似的握着车把，踩着脚蹬送报纸的样子。 在彼得中学毕业后不久，我的病频繁发作，不得已需要住院。正在我收拾东西时，彼得递给了我一沓钱：“妈妈，用这个钱住最好的病房，不要用别的钱，一定要用这个钱。” 彼得递给我的钱是他3年送报纸挣来的，我对他说：“这是你辛苦挣来的钱，你自己留着用吧。”彼得摇了摇头，“如果只是想着这是3年送报纸挣来的钱，这钱没有一点意义，妈妈用了的话，我才会高兴。”听到孩子的话，我的眼泪顿时夺眶而出。 在彼得的带动下，放暑假的时候，南希也突然要求去夏威夷近郊的一个菠萝农场去打工。 对于南希去菠萝农场打工的事情，我没有任何犹豫，通过彼得送报纸的事情我明白了，这绝不是白白地浪费时间，而是一种体验、一笔财富。我只是叮嘱她既然做了，就一定要做好，要用心去做。 在阳光的暴晒下，在一眼望不到尽头的菠萝地里工作，对一个小女孩来说，是一件非常辛苦的事。 假期结束后，南希说：“比起辛苦的劳动来说，能在这种漫长而又令人厌烦的工作中坚持下去才是最难的。” 对从来没有经历过这种事情的南希来说，这是一份难以想象的工作。但是，南希最终坚持了下来。南希在工作中得到了用金钱无法买到的东西，我为她感到自豪。 不要担心孩子会有危险 在外国人眼里，韩国人有些法令他们很吃惊。第一是支配韩国社会的大男子主义，另外就是妈妈们为孩子的献身精神。几乎所有家庭中，孩子在结婚前都生活在父母家，还是由妈妈做饭，照顾生活起居。对美国人来说这是不可思议的。在美国，高中一毕业，孩子们就宣布独立了。因此，他们对韩国的家族文化很难理解。 我倒是觉得韩国的家族文化更有人情味。受美国文化的影响，我的孩子们很早就离开家去独立生活。但是，如果有机会，我很希望和他们在一起的时间更长一些。 但另一方面，我更为我们这种独特文化感到担心。如果把美国20岁的孩子和韩国20岁的孩子作比较，就会发现我的担心是不无道理的。 美国20岁的孩子去一个从未去过的地方，即使身无分文，也绝不会令人担心。他们会直接找附近的加油站或者饭店去打工，就算找不到合适的地方，他们也会向主人直接说明自己的情况，寻求帮助。 而韩国20岁的孩子呢，他们会马上向家里人求助，要求赶快把他接回家。 我们的孩子有一个通病就是在困难面前，吝惜身体，缺乏冒险精神。妈妈应该明白，这看似不是什么大事，却可能使孩子成为一个时代的废人。 在彼得和南希打工结束后不久，他们相继离开了我的身边。当时，爱丽丝正在上大学。彼得在高中毕业前接到了耶鲁大学的入学通知书，之后不到一年，南希也去了耶鲁大学。 现在，我一点也不担心走上自己道路的三个孩子。他们有敢于冒险的精神，他们有坚持到底的毅力，我还有什么可担心的呢？我完成了作为妈妈该做的事。 我相信我的孩子们在大大小小的问题面前，不会轻言放弃，也不会感到挫折，因为，在他们的成长过程中，已经积累了丰富的生活经验，可以面对一切困难。