Chapter 9 Part B (Part 10)-2

"What do you think I should do?" Sha Mei and I were about to cry.At this time, Sha Mei was so strapped that she had to calculate every fried dough stick.Am I really going to invite her over to my house for breakfast after losing this bad but steady job?Did my wife make it for her, or did she make it for my wife? My spirit was shaken for about ten seconds. The speed of the 100-meter sprint was very fast. A huge belief made me feel that I was standing upright. A voice from nowhere sounded behind me, supporting me to support Sha Mei went on a new path.I categorically told her to go back and resign.You must resign, listen to me!If you don't resign, I will break up with you.

I am still proud of my determination and decision to this day.If Sha Mei's success depends on her unremitting efforts and struggles, this moment is the most beautiful process when Sha Mei's life is bright and open. 3. The turning point of Shamei's life Sha Mei accepted this one-week job at General Motors.Great week at GM.Everyone in the company praised Sha Mei as a wonderful public relations lady.Her enthusiastic work attitude and meticulous spirit have won everyone's love.General Motors originally only asked her to run errands at the press conference in China, but the general manager immediately found out that Sha Mei was someone who could help him if he wanted to make some achievements in Beijing.Unexpectedly, at the press conference a few days later, she was actually asked to be his spokesperson. Sha Mei appeared in front of the reporter as the assistant to the general manager.The ability she had accumulated over the years was instantly proved explosively!

Sha Mei often comes to the New Oriental Consulting Office to chat with me about her work.She said enthusiastically: "What kind of work is this? My sisters were the secretary to the general manager of a factory with 10,000 people ten years ago." "Then why don't you continue to work?" I asked knowingly. "It's not that I don't want to do it, it's that I can't do it—the general manager went to jail, the factory went to the auction house, the laid-off female workers went to the nightclub, and my sisters, I'm reduced to New Oriental." Things that are suitable for survival, ranging from civilization and systems to small businesses and employees, are constantly being impacted, washed, updated and eliminated.In the rapidly changing China, talents are not only facing amazing opportunities, but at the same time, you have to admit, they are also facing brutal challenges.For contemporary Chinese youth, the challenge they face is cruel because their education and psychological foundation are not ready for this challenge.If Sha Mei doesn't come to New Oriental, if she can't get the new thinking, new value, and new quality of studying abroad that I promote and represent all the time in New Oriental (it's also the three representatives!), Sha Mei will definitely have no future.I gave Sha Mei a future in New Oriental.Today, Shamei should be able to inspire, learn from and challenge more people.

Those few days of work were over, and I kept my promise.One evening two weeks later, Sha Mei came to the counseling office and said goodbye to me.She told me in an unusually calm but blissful voice: General Energy has called and asked her to go to work tomorrow morning, and the boss has decided to hire her as an office assistant. A revolutionary turning point took place in Sha Mei's life. 4. New job, new life Sha Mei's new job may be the lowest rank among white-collar workers in a foreign company, just a secretary answering the phone; the salary may be the lowest in a foreign company in Beijing, less than 3,000 RMB.Knowing that she did not have a Beijing hukou, the boss gave her abusive wages.However, this salary has doubled what she earned a month ago. In the 1960s, after ten years of hard work, Japan realized the "National Income Doubling Plan". Shamei's national income doubled in only 30 days.Japan's economic miracle pales in comparison to her.

But Sha Mei's greatest achievement is not the wealth in her wallet, but the wealth in her life.This wealth will forever provide inexhaustible interest for her career development throughout her life.The company she works for is a Fortune 500 company in the world; her working environment, the company has a consistent Western corporate culture around the world; her professional background has changed from an idle and unknown company secretary to a rapidly expanding multinational in China. The company's white-collar beauties and professionals.The star is still the same star, and Sha Mei is still the same Sha Mei, but her talent value and future path immediately walked from the dead end to the highway of the new era.

This is the most typical Chinese opportunity scenario: General Energy Group intends to develop on a large scale in China, but in the early stage of development, it is just a relatively simple office in Beijing, and the internal hierarchy is not so strict.General Energy Group attaches great importance to the Chinese market, and a business trip to Beijing has become an important agenda item for the company's senior leaders.Sha Mei is the most important representative of the Chinese market that the company attaches great importance to—all incoming calls and visitors to China must first pass through Sha Mei: because Sha Mei's work in the Beijing office is to answer the phone and pick up the plane!Since then, she has had the opportunity to communicate with the world's top leaders of the company.She has become a Chinese beauty and Beijing image ambassador that everyone likes at the top of the company's headquarters.Although her task was to pick up the airport, she always made it look like an interview, making the leaders come to Beijing as if they were back in New York.Sha Mei's personality, popularity and charm, one of the most important qualities of a modern manager, began to shine.

Most importantly, Sha Mei's new career is a turning point for her to apply for studying in the United States.Working in a Fortune 500 company has brought her work background and admission qualifications to a whole new level.When she applied to the business schools of various universities in the United States, she only had to tell the other party that she worked for General Energy Group, which enjoys a high industry reputation, and no business school would doubt her admission qualifications and quality.Because the value standard of recruiting personnel by large American companies is recognized by American business schools, the value standard of their training staff is also the same as that of American business schools.In fact, it is already a success for an MBA graduate from an ordinary American business school to enter a large company like General Motors.And Sha Mei, who has not yet read an MBA, has already worked here as a manager of the company's most important emerging market China office-although what she manages is only phone numbers and plane flights.After entering General Motors, the distance between Sha Mei and the American business school is no longer in space. She can be said to have enrolled in the school-as for when to start classes, it is only a matter of time.If you want to go, you can go "tomorrow".

In the end, Sha Mei's new job brought a wonderful change to Sha Mei's psychological state, and brought female dignity to Sha Mei, who was over 20 years old at 10:30.Americans' exaggerated praise for women, and Western culture's habitual respect and flattery for women, made Sha Mei's love and self-confidence for herself reach a new peak.Since then, she no longer doubts whether her beauty is just a dream in the dead of night.She got great spiritual satisfaction.She absorbed American corporate culture like a sponge, working day and night like a worker bee.Sha Mei, who has developed extremely slowly and difficultly in her career path for many years, once she finds a path suitable for her own development and an environment suitable for her own survival, is like a beast struggling to escape from a trap. The breadth of freedom, the preciousness of freedom.

Maintain self-dignity in the most difficult time, maintain the freshness of a woman in the most tiring time, and never give up the desire for the dream of girlhood in the most desperate time, this is Sha Mei.Her only mistake was that she did not use her full imagination to break through the artificial barriers when the society blocked her development opportunities with various backward phenomena and even the legal system such as household registration; her only failure was her own In the years before meeting Xu Xiaoping, she hadn't found a master in life to give her insight into the future.In other words, this society does not provide sufficient guidance and opportunities for a large number of brave and desperate strugglers like Sha Mei who are exploring blindly.In other words, this society has no corresponding services for major awareness and thoughts related to personal future and happiness, such as employment, new career directions, and new talent needs.The backwardness of the society has led to the difficulties of Shamei's struggle.

Shamei was lucky in the end.I look forward to more Shamei, who can climb the road that Shamei has walked. Day 5: Shamei and I discuss account registration Sha Mei was laid off from a state-owned enterprise with 10,000 people, and came to Beijing from Inner Mongolia with bare hands.But the capital of the motherland does not accept her - she does not have a Beijing hukou. Sha Mei majored in English secretarial in college, so it would be no problem to be a competent secretary in a place like Beijing, where there are many foreign and private companies.Isn't that how Wu Shihong's legend was born?But because she doesn't have a Beijing hukou, Sha Mei will definitely not win such an opportunity in Beijing. Even if she is a hundred times better than Wu Shihong, she has no hope.According to the policy, all recruitment advertisements of foreign companies must write "applicants must have a Beijing hukou." Sha Mei repeatedly fell down in front of this artificial roadblock.

There are reasons for household registration, and the government has difficulties for the government. I will not comment on it here.Although this thing will one day become a wry history and collection like cloth stamps and food stamps.I just want to tell Sha Mei and other friends who are still struggling, don't let this bitter smile of history turn your own life into a cry of history. I asked: "Sha Mei, why don't you apply for a job in a decent foreign company?" Sha Mei sighed: "Big companies require a Beijing hukou, while small companies exploit you at a low price because they don't have a hukou." Helplessness was written on her face , Her eyes were filled with bitterness. So I said: "Job advertisements in newspapers all state that Beijing hukou is required. This is not a preference of recruiters for hukou, but just a localist talent barrier that is sure to be outdated. This is wrong in essence: the whole world restricts its own country so severely. Beijing is probably the only place where the people give full play to their talents and wisdom in their own capital. This system will soon be loosened, and it will inevitably be reformed." "However, hukou is a pass for hukou, and absurdity is an absurd epitaph (how many absurdities do we have?" Regulations!). There is no business owner in the world who will use Hukou as a symbol to measure talents. What companies need is talents, talents who can create profits, and Hukou cannot create profits. So, what you have to remember is: no You with registered permanent residence are actually the boss's favorite person. Because you are a talent! "To break the curse of hukou, I will give you a secret: as long as you can walk into the office of any company recruiting director and explain clearly what you can do for the company, you will have a chance to get your ideal job. Life is in the We only have one time. Don't let the limited life be ruined by an unreasonable policy that will be abandoned. Don't let the hukou system make your future moldy. "To detoxify your hukou, I will give you a unique trick: If the HR manager asks you if you have a Beijing hukou, you should be very proud to tell him Yes, I do! -- of course! If he asks you where your hukou is? Said that your household registration is in Zhoukoudian. You are not only a descendant of the dragon, but also a descendant of Beijingers. Your ancestors carved the inscription on the stone with stone knives and axes as early as 500,000 years ago in the cave at the top of Zhoukoudian, Beijing. Your Beijing hukou. My dear, we are all Beijingers, and we all have Beijing hukou. "Why is the United States powerful? The nation on this wheel is always moving in torrents. If New York also had a registered permanent residence, and Silicon Valley also had a registered permanent residence, there would be no America in the world. The development of high technology is based on the year. If talents have to work for a After a few months of hard work on a non-existent account, you may be half a century behind when you return to the computer room. If Zhongguancun wants to become China’s Silicon Valley, if you don’t break with these regulations that curb people’s creativity, if you want to compete with the world, you have to It's bullshit. "Sha Mei, I know you can't change the world, but don't let the world change you. Tell them that you have a Beijing Hukou, and tell them in the most sacred tone that you have the oldest Hukou in the world!" from the United States General Energy Company knew that Sha Mei did not have a Beijing hukou, but hired her without hesitation.The company got such an excellent employee as Sha Mei, and Sha Mei got such an excellent experience from the company.American concepts and Chinese talents here instantly illuminate a black hole in the Chinese talent group that seems to have no way out. How many other strugglers are bound by the stereotypes and bad habits of Chinese society?Who took your Beijing Hukou?If you don't take the initiative to hand in, who can take away the household registration book that your ancestors gave you to settle in the mountain cave in Zhoukoudian! Day 6: Shamei and I talk about material things This happened about half a year after Sha Mei entered the foreign company, that is, in the summer of 1996.Once, a friend from Canada was warmly invited by Sha Mei to her home.It was the first time for this foreigner to come to China, and he was very uncommon about things in China.When she arrived at her home, she was so depressed that she burst into tears on the spot.She said: How can such a beautiful person live in such a harsh environment?She couldn't imagine how "people" could live in such an environment!Poor friend, how did she know that the Chinese are pursuing their dream of a beautiful future in such a harsh environment! According to Chinese standards, Sha Mei's living environment is not particularly bad.It's nothing more than a simple residential building, a bit dirty and messy: except for the lack of lighting in the corridor, there is everything.Entering the room, there is no decoration.The concrete floor is black, the plaster walls are gray, and the toilet pit is unfathomable, as if leading to the end of the earth.This house has two bedrooms, Sha Mei lives in one, and the other belongs to the landlord's daughter.Although my daughter does not come here often, she reserves the right to come at any time to ensure that Sha Mei does not have the right to live in privacy. When I go home at night, there are no lights in the corridor.Sha Mei wanted to reach the fifth floor in the dark.Sometimes Sha Mei would be very happy when she reached out and touched a bunch of garlic or a Chinese cabbage, because the neighbor once hung a half-killed sheep in the corridor, and Sha Mei touched her hand in the dark, thinking it was skinned. people.For several weeks afterwards, she dared not shake hands with anyone, and whenever she shook hands, she remembered the skin of the sheep that had been skinned somewhere. The summer of 1997 was the hottest summer in Beijing's history.Sha Mei works in General Motors, and stays there every day until after ten o'clock at night to go home.The boss thought she was working hard in the company, but in fact she was there to escape the summer heat—her house had no air conditioner and was so hot that eggs could be fried.Sometimes she accidentally leaves the company too early, and Sha Mei can only go to a nearby bookstore that is open at night to escape the heat, where there is air conditioning.Sha Mei sat there with a book and read it for a long time. The manager of the bookstore thought she loved books, but in fact, what she loved was the cold air he provided.Others get knowledge from books, and Sha Mei gets refreshment from books.There is no golden house in the book, but Sha Mei proves that there is an air-conditioning room in the book. Shamei's economy is extremely difficult.The bosses knew that she didn't have a Beijing hukou, so they deliberately lowered her salary despicably, knowing that she couldn't complain, including the Chinese boss of General Motors.If Sha Mei wants to maintain her good external image, she has to buy clothes frequently.During the long-term economic depression, Sha Mei, like many good women, developed a set of virtues and talents of thrift and housekeeping.Her clothes always look so nice and even pretty.Shamei has one of the most touching habits: Contrary to many girls who brag about their expensive clothes, every time I compliment her on her outfit, she proudly tells me how cheap this dress is and how cost-effective that decoration is.She always said this with great pride.The bold and bright laughter filled the office of the consulting office and flew in the corridors of New Oriental.The working people's poor and dignified life character shines on Sha Mei.Her attitude towards life in this situation always reminds me of my mother. I think this is one of the reasons why I have such a long and deep friendship with Sha Mei! It takes a lot of money to contact and go abroad. In the end, Sha Mei has borrowed all the relatives and friends in her hometown.Every time hundreds of dollars are spent, Sha Mei looks particularly old.And every time I remind her that this investment must have a return of tens or hundreds of times, her eyes will instantly flash with the light of determination to win.I often tell her my own story: When I went abroad from Peking University in 1987, my salary was 100 RMB.Borrowed 2,000 yuan from Yu Minhong's mother.But after going abroad to wash the dishes for the first month, I returned them that month. In the most desperate moment, Shamei never talked about her financial difficulties in front of me.Sha Mei, who needs money the most, has never revealed her desire for money to me.She is like a boxer fighting fate Tyson, she knows that only by defeating fate can she gain everything.If you look left and right before defeating fate, you will only be knocked down by this invisible Tyson called fate, and you will never be able to stand up again. The pressure of age, occupation, and material poverty are like three mountains pressing on Sha Mei's shoulders, and others might have collapsed long ago.But Sha Mei carried the three mountains on her shoulders with righteousness and awe, and ran day and night on the road of struggle against them with strides like flying strides. Sha Mei believes that she will live a better life.But for a long time, she mistakenly interpreted living better as "going abroad".Although this understanding is quite superficial, because going abroad may be a certain level of success, but going abroad itself is certainly not a guarantee of happiness.However, when she relied on her own strength, tapped her potential, and improved her own value by pursuing higher education opportunities to improve her own destiny, her struggle abroad had great significance.Everyone wants to study abroad or get gilded.In this team, Sha Mei has the worst conditions and the least possibility, but she has the highest expectation of improving her destiny through studying abroad.This gives her struggle story a tragic and epic atmosphere. Everyone needs material security.Some people stop halfway too early and start rushing for material benefits. Such a person often cannot get the material satisfaction he deserves, and after decades he will be disappointed to find that he is still at the place where he got off the car. The brigade was abandoned halfway in the desolation.Helplessly, the young man's head turned white, empty and sad. Sha Mei started her expedition at the age when countless people gave up their struggle. My encouragement to her was of great support and guidance, but her having nothing in the material world was the decisive factor.In the proletarian revolution, what is lost is only chains; in Shamei's struggle, what is lost is poverty. From the perspective of human potential, today's youth, regardless of their achievements, are all Shamei; today's us, regardless of wealth, are all proletarians. Day 7: Shamei and I discuss visa In the summer of 1998, Sha Mei was admitted to an MBA program at a good university in Chicago, USA.This university may not sound familiar to Chinese students, but in the United States, it is considered a good school. For Sha Mei, this is already a major achievement. This summer, the weather was far less hot than the summer of 1997 when Sha Mei was forced to go underground for cooling (the bookstore was in the basement).Sha Mei also appeared thinner and more mature than before, a little less angry and a little more calm.In Beijing city, she can already be regarded as a senior white-collar beauty.Even if she does not go abroad, Sha Mei has actually found her place in Beijing and laid her foundation. The night before I went to the US embassy for a visa, I talked to her in the office.It was the only conversation I had with her that wasn't a joke.Because, I know, tomorrow morning will be the real watershed in her life.The more precious the porcelain, the more you are afraid of it breaking, and the more likely it is to break.At this time, I was even more nervous than Sha Mei.I got a little emotional that night. If so she smells: "Sha Mei, we don't need to talk about visas anymore today. We have talked about it many times. However, just knowing visa knowledge is useless at all. For you, this moment tomorrow will be the most critical moment in your life. The pain and humiliation, the hardships and poverty, can be turned into sweet memories in this moment. All will prove to you the sacred value of all these years you have endured them. But, from now on, you better forget about visas and just remember One thing: You are an office administrator of the Beijing representative office of General Energy Group. Here, you have received the president and vice president of General Group’s Washington headquarters and received praise and appreciation from the giant bosses of these multinational companies; You are here, and you have interacted with countless chairmen and presidents in China’s energy industry. They all agree with your work in GM, and many people have expressed that they want to hire you to work for them. Think of the visa officer as these presidents and vice presidents. President, as these chairman and directors—and in fact, the status of the visa officer is much lower than these people. If you see the former and can Impress them, you can go to the Impress visa officer in the same way. "Remember: Show Shamei's true self!" At noon the next day, Sha Mei got her visa.The phone call caused a sensation in the New Oriental Consulting Office.I excitedly said to her on the phone: "Sha Mei, this is my greatest achievement in New Oriental! The proudest moment! I can help others accomplish such a thing in my life, and I feel that I have not lived in vain!" Sha Mei went to the embassy, ​​and when she got to the window, she intentionally put her briefcase of General Energy Group at the visa window, and at the same time, raised her chest with the logo of General Motors on it.The visa officer looked up and said, "Oh, you work for TY company? Damn you work for TY company?" Work, obviously makes the visa officer very jealous. Sha Mei took over the conversation and said enthusiastically: "Yes, Sir, Do you use our company's products? Yes, sir, do you use our company's products?" Sha Mei immediately gained the initiative of the conversation, she Instantly become a GM spokesperson, not a beggar who comes to ask for a visa. The visa officer looked at her information and couldn't find anything wrong, but regarding her funds, she raised a question: "How do you finance your study? Using your credit card? How do you provide funds for your study? Use your credit card Credit card?" This question is quite insidious, if the answer is not good, you must fall here, because using a credit card means borrowing money.Sha Mei didn't know the murderous intent, and she didn't understand it. She said with Sha Mei's enthusiasm and generosity as always: "Yes, I have three credit cards, I have great credits. Of course! I have three credit cards. What about credit cards! I have very good credit!" Sha Mei's answer made the visa officer very happy.Able to work in a world-renowned general company, with a recommendation letter from an American company, of course the credit is good.Good credit is enough to get a visa, because American students who study MBA rely on loans to pay tuition and live, why can't Chinese students do this?The main reason for American visa officers to refuse visas to Chinese students is that they are afraid that if you go to the United States, you will not pay attention to your credit and will not return to China on time. approved by the visa officer.Shamei's visa has actually been approved. The visa officer took her credit card, looked at it and said in Chinese: "Dragon Card, Great Wall Card, Peony Card..." Sha Mei interrupted the visa officer's muttering and said loudly: "Sir, your Chinese is sooo excellent! Sir, your Chinese is sooo excellent! Sir, your Chinese is sooo excellent! Your Chinese is really good!" The visa officer smiled shyly, returned the things to her, and gave her a yellow slip for visa collection. The commotion caused by Shamei in the consultation office brought me endless joy.But after I laughed, I secretly wiped away a lot of tears. Day 8: Me and Sha Mei discuss tuition fees Sha Mei got the US visa, and everyone was immersed in the joy of her.But she called me to the office, closed the door, and asked me the most critical question that no one has considered until now: "Mr. Xu, what do you think I should do next?" My heart sank , I thought she still had some advice for me: "What should I do?" "Money! This MBA program needs more than 30,000 dollars in total. How can I have so much money!" This is a good question.I never thought about it.Without money, even with a visa, there is no hope. Egypt went to the United States to work, and I really don't want Sha Mei to do it again.It's too bitter.At this time, Sha Mei has already earned more than 4,000 RMB a month in Universal Company.In the frenzy of going abroad, she has actually made excellent achievements in China.Keep going, and you can get a life of dignity and status.At this time, going abroad to wash dishes and sweep the floor, and do illegal work to earn illegal money may not be the best choice.But it was time for Sha Mei to go abroad after all. I thought for a while and said, "Do you have a house? Sell the house." Sha Mei's eyes lit up: "Yes! But you know that my house is rented. Can rented houses be sold?" Mei looked at me innocently. I chuckled.Sha Mei was about to lose her mind over the tuition fees: "Do you have any other property? Like your parents?" Sha Mei said, "My parents are very poor and have no savings. But after all, there is a house. This house is worth twenty The 40,000 RMB is their lifetime harvest and retirement destination. Don’t let me make their plans, okay? I’d rather not study abroad than let them be homeless.” I said firmly, “That’s what I want to do. Go back and sell your parents' house. Remember, Sha Mei, tell your parents, this is the last struggle of your life, unite - sell the house! Went to the United States, worked hard to study hard, eighteen After a few months, you will be able to find a decent job, with a year's income guaranteed to exceed your parents' lifetime savings! Of course, there is no risk in this kind of investment and return. "When studying in the United States, you must ensure your health and safety. The rest is to study hard. Buy bread and instant noodles by your side. Before you faint from reading, eat a bite of bread, drink tap water, and cook a bag of instant noodles. Forgot to put in two eggs. Slow down and continue reading. Only in this way can you be worthy of your parents and their life money." Sha Mei went abroad to study MBA, as long as she didn't die from overwork and was expelled from school, this investment would definitely be worth it. Can reap huge rewards.Not to mention selling a house, it is also a guaranteed investment. I didn't give her another suggestion. Although this suggestion is good, even my readers can't agree with it at this moment.And when I first came into contact with such a fact abroad, it was actually very difficult to accept emotionally.This is the Western culture that Chinese students cannot understand, but must eventually accept.The suggestion I wanted to say but didn't say was to ask Sha Mei to spend tens of dollars to buy herself an accidental life insurance worth 100,000 dollars after she arrived in the United States, and the beneficiary would be her parents.In this way, if bin Laden's plane hits the building where Sha Mei works, her filial piety can also brighten the parents' old age with the one hundred thousand dollars.No one thinks they will die, but people die every day in this world.Insurance, insurance is a risk! How many times have international students died unexpectedly after going abroad, because they have no insurance and no property, and their parents can't even afford the money to go to the United States for funerals.The Chinese are poor, and in this case, they are poor in ideas.What I encountered when I was studying in Canada was even more tragic: because a student in a car accident did not have any insurance or other property, not only his parents could not come to Canada, but even the cost of transporting his body from the accident site back to his school location nothing.Such a life is really infinitely sad. However, although life insurance is one of the Western civilizations and ways of life that Chinese people are accepting, I still won’t tell Sha Mei, who is about to study in the United States.I can't disregard China's national conditions and forcefully sell these things that people don't like, and it's unlucky. I thought back to 1990 in the western Canadian city of Saskatoon. I drove my wife to Lethbridge, 700 kilometers away, for a job interview.This is my first time driving on the highway.There is a one-year-old child and a sixty-year-old mother left at home, and neither of them can speak a word of English.So before leaving, I went to the local insurance company and spent four yuan, four Canadian dollars, to buy a road accident insurance worth 40,000 Canadian dollars and valid for 48 hours.I handed the policy to a friend of mine and said with a smile: "If I don't call you within two days, please go to my house. I will take care of everything."I came back safely two days later, and that insurance policy became one of the most memorable memories of my life in Canada (I am writing this story here, although I have tears in my eyes, but it seems to be a bit off topic). Life is fragile, money is sad, struggle is fatal, and insurance is a must. Sha Mei really asked her parents to sell the house.With the money, she successfully completed her MBA program and, two years later, found a job at a bank in the United States.It is impossible for me to ask her about the annual salary, because I no longer regard her as my consulting object.But her annual income must exceed her parents' lifetime savings.This is the fate of two generations in China, and it is a portrayal of two eras.I don’t know if she bought a house for her parents. I guess she hasn’t bought one yet, although she definitely thinks about it every day, because when I reviewed her life in the early spring of 2002, Sha Mei had only worked for less than two years.But I am sure that her parents, thinking of their daughter's future, must have the sense of happiness and security they felt when they lived in a luxury villa.They had a wonderful daughter! Day 9: Me and Sha Mei talk about love Sha Mei, who is extremely poor in material life, may be rich when it comes to love.But the answer is quite the opposite.I didn't really know what her love life was like, and although I became close to her as a "buddy" in the end, I never wanted to discuss these personal issues with her.During those years, what I was most concerned about was when she would be able to successfully go abroad and how her work would develop.To me, how she falls in love doesn't mean much to whether she can go abroad.Perhaps precisely because of this, Sha Mei herself may have put aside this extremely important life issue. Sha Mei has gone there by Boeing, and there is a vacant Lonely Building here.Although Sha Mei has a return ticket, her youth is gone forever.In the days when she had been away from China for several years, I always regretted that I didn’t have an in-depth discussion with her on love issues, and I couldn’t help but wonder: Does Sha Mei have a love life?Thirty-year-old girl Sha Mei, does she have a boyfriend?Shamei, who pays special attention to her appearance wherever she goes, and is about to wither in full bloom, does she have a sexual partner?Has the last rose of summer arrived in the United States, or is it still so lonely and closed? These things are Sha Mei's Privacy, private issues, I absolutely respect and protect it with all my strength.However, every time I think that Sha Mei is very likely to give up her normal love life in order to study abroad and struggle, I can't help trembling for her.My heart trembled, not from fear, but from lingering fear. In the teens and twenties, the purpose of a relationship between a man and a woman is to experience love; in the twenties and thirties, the impulse of love becomes the responsibility of pursuing marriage.Few people are able to escape the vulgarity and dare to go for a while at this age.The same is true of Shamei.She looks at the men around her with a strong sense of mate selection, eager to find the ideal Prince Charming, get married tomorrow, and bring her to the United States the day after tomorrow. Since Sha Mei set herself a life goal of "going abroad" very early on, when she is looking for a partner, she often focuses on foreign youths, because only such people can take her abroad.This goal is actually not noble, but I can't stop it.As a Chinese man myself, I know why there is such a scene of love in China today.But unfortunately, few foreigners who have lived in China for a long time can really be appreciated by Sha Mei, and the foreigners who Sha Mei really appreciates often don't appreciate her.Difficult!Therefore, Sha Mei's pursuit was doomed from the very beginning to be neither in line with the spirit of the times nor in line with the law of love.Of course it is difficult to achieve satisfactorily. In fact, there are many excellent young people in China. Why didn't Sha Mei find a good man and marry her off to be a rich man's wife?Maybe it's China's yin and yang society that punished her for her excellence and arrogance?Male citizens of the same age as Sha Mei are all products of unfortunate times born before and after three years of natural disasters and ten years of catastrophe.If the limbs are not deformed, it is tall, and if the personality is not despicable, it is great.Inside and outside the Great Wall, up and down the river, there may be men who match her class, but Sha Mei has not found one yet.stand up!A man who doesn't want to be abandoned, meet Sha Mei's challenge! One of the more important reasons for Sha Mei's lack of love life is actually her own view of love.Men and women meet, cloud and rain, Wushan, finally inseparable, so let's get married, this is the history of human reproduction.Therefore, marriage can only be lifted slowly from the veil of love.And it must not be the curtain of love: to watch a love drama, open the curtain of marriage first.想要爱情吗？先和我结婚！这简直就是另一种形式的包办婚姻！沙玫这样的女孩子，把爱情和性爱当作结婚的附件而不是主机，吓跑了许多潜在的婚姻驾驶员。 结果沙玫陷入了一个恶性循环：年龄越大，找个合适丈夫结婚的渴望越强烈，但这种渴望越强烈越不容易结婚。谁也不愿意仅仅和她亲吻一下就要把自己的一生不明不白地交给她。这个吻未免太昂贵啦。新衣不试怎知合身，爱情不试怎知是否甜蜜？但沙玫她们认为如果不结婚我干嘛给你试？让你验？男人在艳遇的梦里不断惊醒而绝望，女人从婚纱的雾中不断看破而虚妄。她为等待永恒，却永恒地等待。沙玫孤寂地等待一春又一春，叹息一声又一声。沙玫把自己当作婚姻的嫁妆，沙玫没有意识到她自己就是爱情的感知和享受主体。 她没有未婚夫意义上的男朋友已是定论，但她到底有没有性伴侣意义上男朋友？我考证下来认为答案也是否定的。在和我的对话中，沙玫总认为有人在追求她，可见她处于强烈需要男友的时期。鲁迅的狂人日记描写了一个被迫害狂，总觉得有人在追杀他；沙玫其实患有轻微的被爱情狂--她总觉得有人在追求她。这两种疾病，其实都是毁灭性的。我庆幸，时隔一个世纪，中国毕竟进步啦：我们从被迫害狂，进化到了被爱狂！ 沙玫平时交往的男人，其实按照中国标准也都挺不错的，但由于沙玫按照丈夫标准来找男友，这就使得人们无法和她真正交往。牛眼看人，看成牛群；沙眼看人，看成丈夫。生怕陷入她温柔陷阱的男人，就像昆虫飞离蜘蛛网一样，从此不得不逃生。 沙玫活得实在是太累太艰难了。如果有个男人，在自己叹息时分担一下肩膀上的负荷，在自己寒冷的时候捂热一下胸中的寒气，哪怕捂热了自己再让他冷冷地走人，至少也能给沙玫留下冰川世纪里温馨的回忆！使她贫穷的饮食时代，依然有丰富的男女盛宴。没有任何人禁止沙玫这样做，拒绝自己幸福人生的，是沙玫她自己。顶多，她可以抱怨这是社会给她造成的观念的禁锢。但是，这个理由已经无法说服人。中国青年，已经有了自主生活的权力，不行使这个权力，就像面对好工作不辞去那份没有前途的旧职一样，其实都是过去的时代残留的心理障碍、精神疾玻沙玫渴望婚姻，但拒绝爱情。这个拒绝完全是沙玫自己的个人选择。是她铸给自己的人生错误。像许多大龄女子一样，她们以为生命最迫切需要的，就是找一个合适的男人结婚，其实这是美丽的误区。事实上沙玫最需要的，是孤独岁月里的岁寒三友--对不起，我的意思是"一友"已经足矣，何况三友乎？但沙玫总是南辕北辙，以为离男人越远就离男人越近；越不追求男人就越有男人来追求。人的美德，只是在接触之后才能够发现和体会。但如果实行不接触政策，怎么能实行政策来接触？婚姻和爱情，本来是人类自由的通道，但在沙玫这样的女人身上，却成为捆绑自己的囚徒困境。女性解放运动，在中国还有极其漫长的道路。 进一步深入研究，我对沙玫的生活就更加不放心。甚至对她去了美国之后，万一不幸找到一个完美的男人之后的生活产生更深的忧虑。沙玫对男人世界采取不接触政策显然已经很多年。她对男性世界很不了解！Only by knowing yourself and the enemy can you be victorious in every battle.女人的一半是男人。连自己的另一半都不知晓，沙玫怎么能够在爱情与婚姻以及西方人崇尚的性爱战场上取胜？找到完美男人，陷入深刻爱情，因为自己没有经验被对方炒鱿鱼--分手或离婚，那时候的沙玫，才叫人生的大悲哀呢！ 爱情、婚姻以及性行为，是和知识、理想、前途一样重要的构成我们幸福人生的组成部分。像留学出国一样，也需要专家咨询。沙玫一个人在美国，没有我为她提供爱情和婚姻的免费咨询(这些服务，和新东方其他收费的咨询搭配提供)，她还需要摸索多少年才能走上正确的道路？想到这里，我就忧心忡忡，心惊胆战。 我做了一个噩梦。我梦见，肯尼迪的侄儿和沙玫约会，并且告诉沙玫她是他见过的最美的东方神秘主义性感女性。美酒加玫瑰之后，肯尼迪之侄温情脉脉送她回家，人家要上去喝杯咖啡沙玫当然就答应了。我心里为沙玫暗暗叫好偷偷为她喊加油！但五分钟之后，我看见风流倜傥的小肯尼迪捂着流血的嘴巴狼狈地逃了出来。嘴里的英语即使我醒过来还能依稀记得几句："If you didnt want to do it, why let me in？You think I really wanted coffee?(既然你不想和我做那个事儿，为什么让我进你的屋？你以为我真想要的是咖啡？)"可怜的小肯尼迪！他有生以来第一次遇见了东方文化的打击，难怪美国老有人宣传中国威胁论呢！沙玫将遇到无数她无能应付、无法理解的爱情文化冲突和危机。 噩梦醒来，偶尔我会在灯下思考沙玫和她同辈们的命运。人情世故圆熟得像老奶奶似的沙玫以及她的许多同伴们，在做女人的最基本爱情技能和知识上，却像孙女一样幼稚低能。女性的下橱能力、料家能力、理财能力以及结婚能力，和英语计算机一样，都是需要学习的技巧。这个社会没有鼓励她们去学，甚至有系统地不让她们学习这些构成生活幸福的最基本的技能。这种素质的女性，即使拿到了哈佛的博士学位，又怎么能够幸福！ 我亲口听一个加州理工大学毕业回来的女博士洋洋得意地告诉我：我在家里从来都不做饭，我连开水都不会烧！当时我听了立即决定从此不再鼓励人们去名牌学校留学。不会做饭的人，一般而言应该也不会做爱--至少，不会"爱"人。食色性也，这两个都不会的人，显然有问题。拿到加州理工博士学位，她也许能为人类文明做出重大贡献，但肯定不能为个人幸福带来美丽感受，更难以为她身边的人带来幸福人生。她为了人类而牺牲自己吗？其实根本不是。这是一种高智商的无能，一种高学历的弱智。其结果，是她自身和接近她的人们绵绵不断现实人生的烦恼和折磨。徐小平尊重人类所有选择。我不反对禁欲主义，我也不反对独身主义，我反对的，只是借奋斗之名而故意压抑和遗忘人类的美丽天性。 help! 沙玫的爱情生活到底怎样，我永远不可能知道，我只祝愿甚至祈祷她幸福美满。经过如此长期残酷的奋斗，获得出国深造机会，无非是为自己过得好一点，而过得好一点的最重要指标之一，甚至是最重要的指标，是爱情与家庭生活是否美满。 沙玫，你不能舍本求末；沙玫，你不能买椟还珠！我宁可你放弃出国，也不希望你拒绝爱情。 我大叫一声，又陷入噩梦之中。 第十日：我和沙玫谈幸福 2001年夏天，沙玫赴美三年后第一次回国探亲。也是我和她告别三年后，第一次和她见面。沙玫从美国芝加哥打来国际长途，告诉我她回国的日期。我与沙玫，即将在新东方久别重逢！ 这时的沙玫，早已顺利拿到了这个在一些专业上非常著名商学院的MBA学位，并在芝加哥一家世界著名的能源公司工作一年有余，加上她以前在中国的经验，已经是这方面成熟的专业人士。WTO即将到来，她的公司要到中国扩展可再生性能源方面的业务，她被公司内定为第一个最佳人眩这次回国，除了探望房子被她卖掉而居无定所的老父老母之外，主要是来考察中国的能源行业，看看在做出下一个重大决定之前，国内还有什么更好的机会。她在美国，认识了不少来美国考察的中国能源界大腕，许多人对"芝加哥的沙玫"留下了美好的印象，都鼓励她到自己的公司来发展。 "我下一步的计划就是，回国做这家公司的中国首席代表，开拓中国巨大的可再生性能源市场，成为这方面的First Lady，第一夫人"。 沙玫还是那么豪爽，还是那么开朗，还是那么充满激情，和我在1996年和她初次见面没有什么两样。但不同的是，沙玫已经实实在在从一个迷茫的皮包公司秘书，成为一个实实在在成熟的国际能源专家；从一个在中国人才市场上缺少资源和能力的弱势分子，成为一个在世界范围内都有独特竞争优势的跨国人才；从一个每月工资区区一千多人民币的小职员，成为一个工作第一年的年薪接近五万美圆的高级管理人员。三年收入增加几十倍，一个国家要五十年才能做到的事情，她花了五年时间。沙玫的职业劲头，大有加入吴士宏、李亦非之类超级女性行列的气势。留学就这样点石成金地改变了一个人的命运和价值，沙玫是新东方咨询成功的活字典。 我和学生的互动，一般都是学生拿到签证、去了美国之后，就不再有所往来，因为人的一生有无数的问题：无数的痛苦要回避、无数的幸福要追求、无数的陷阱要绕过、无数的毛病要克服。而这些问题其实是一个永远无法停止的咨询、调整和提升过程。Born less than a hundred years old, I often worry about a thousand years old.这个忧愁，其实是生命的特征。我只能把自己的工作定位为：为解决目前人生困境而奋斗的新东方学员们。等到他们的前途进入一个新的档次，我就不能再和他们交往。因为，我的职业病使我不得不始终考虑一个问题：得到我咨询过的学生们，是否真的得到他们人生应该得到的幸福？徐小平在新东方，是否给予了我们的学生真正有效的人生良药？一劳永逸的良药实际上是没有的。宗教也做不到--否则人类只需要一本圣经，而不需要教堂和神父了。 因此，在等待沙玫的时候，我的心情与其说是激动，不如说是沉重。我知道，沙玫这样为奋斗付出太多代价、耗费太多青春的女性，其人生问题，决不是拿一个美国绿卡、得到一个MBA、年薪挣上十几万美金就能够解决的。她的人生，其实就是中国社会的一个缩影，必将在价值代谢和碰撞中摸索前进。 但是我最担忧的问题：经过这么多年的艰苦奋斗，沙玫，你到底幸福不幸福？付出了这么惨重的人生代价，沙玫你也该享受一般意义上的幸福了。但我怀疑沙玫是否幸福、我甚至怀疑沙玫是否有"幸福的能力"。我知道有亿万富翁想吞金自杀的，我也见过赤膊的农夫快乐得要死的。沙玫好不容易有了今天，如果自己感觉不幸福，那么这些奋斗对于我，简直就是青春恐怖主义，就是留学自虐行为。我给予她的一切咨询和帮助，简直就是在坑害她。所以，在紧张担忧中我等待她的来临，我祈祷她幸福、祝愿她好运。 岁月在沙玫的脸上还是写下了无声的哀叹。生命的美丽总是难以遮掩奋斗的苦难。虽然我口口声声说她和以前一样漂亮动人，但我不得不承认这次我是虚伪的。而且由于可以想象的艰难学习和勤奋工作，沙玫身上并没有显示许多女性留学生回国时展示的那种优雅与柔和。这个感觉，加上三十六岁依然是单身的事实，有点令人害怕。 沙玫的事业也许成功了。但是沙玫的生活幸福吗？她的私生活、感情生活、性生活(我豁出去了)，这些同样构成一个人成功感和幸福感的生活内容到底怎么了？我需要知道，沙玫必须幸福，才能对得起我多年来对她的关怀和指导。但我直觉她的这些方面好像并没有太大的进步。 寒暄之后，我直截了当地问她："没有带糖来，显然还没有结婚--有男朋友了吗？"她吱吱唔唔，居然还会脸红！我知道她没有。她对于男友的幻觉心比天高。问题是英国王子一个太老，另外两个太校沙玫，你到底想要嫁一个什么动物！你可不是十六岁！美国人在你这个年龄，有些人已经做了外祖母了，而你，说不定还是个处女。啊埃这不是民族悲剧是什么？ 于是我进一步问："有……性伴侣吗？" 沙玫这次倒不脸红，几乎有点自豪地说："我这人，有点洁癖……"我一听就绝望了。洁癖在两性关系中，往往是导致夫妻离婚、情人分手的重要原因之一。沙玫你还没有结婚，怎么有资格患这么高贵的疾病！ 惠特曼在一百多年前，就写出"我歌唱带电的肉体"这歌唱人类情欲人类本能之美的史诗。你去美国转了这么一大圈，居然把中国洁癖原封不动地带回来。沙玫，真的你完了。 我的担忧被证实是正确的。I almost cried.沙玫在我心里，如同我的女儿。三十六岁依然单身的女儿，她的身心本来应该非常健康，她的爱情本来应该非常丰富。但是，这么多年只顾学习不想其他，成功之后活得失败；到了目的地，心灵却离归宿更加遥远。 人类历史上也许有许多伟大的单身女性，但单身女性，绝对不能构成人类伟大的历史。为了文明，我们也许可以放弃许多爱欲，但放弃爱欲，绝对不是我们的文明。 沙玫的命运也许是先天注定的。在马拉松的竞赛中，奔跑者只能中途抓一瓶水往自己头上浇上几把，你不可能中途拐到星巴克或全聚德，品尝你的风韵、享受你的感官。 这么多年来，沙玫其实一直在人生的马拉松长跑中，顽强地和青春拼搏，和命运竞走。在整个90年代，经过十年面壁走到今天这一步的沙玫，真的已经是圣女贞德了，我还能要求她更多的什么？当"小姐"一词在神圣的汉语中几乎恶化成"卖淫女"的隐喻、当"北漂族"成为全国数百万缺少学历但心存梦想的青年人美梦难成的象征、当"新东方"神话为几十万中国最优秀青年提供了追求前途、追求事业的诺亚方舟而沧海难渡时，沙玫来了--她从公主坟走来，她从八宝山出现，她站立在心灵的废墟、她崛起在精神的荒野--她出现在北京中关村的小小的角落里，开始了她的人生长达十几年艰苦的跋涉。路太长了！她必须轻装上阵，她必须忘记一切。奋斗于她，与其说是为了接近幸福，不如说是为了远离苦难。沙玫一路减负扔掉的，有她的欢乐、她的青春、她的情感以及她的爱情、她的性欲。沙玫的命运，是一代命运贫瘠青年的回旋曲，是一个价值交替时代的咏叹调。 沙玫终于攀登上了事业的顶峰，但是，我更希望沙玫事业和幸福双丰收。鱼我所欲，熊掌亦所欲。在事业和生活之间，假如命运让我不得不为沙玫选择一个的话，你猜我会为她选择什么？ 我和沙玫紧紧拥抱告别。我说："沙玫，下次见我，你是首代还是袋鼠我不在乎，但你一定要带一个雄伟的男子过来让我在乎、让我嫉妒！"我的心里，开始后悔当年让她出国。 沙玫理解我的意思，她坚定地对我点点头，像六年前一样。但她坚强美丽的脸上，流下了她在整个奋斗过程中，从来没有流过的第一滴眼泪。 ◎Comment by Yu Minhong 从徐小平的文章中，我看沙玫今日活得并不幸福，虽然她在留学、出国、定居、就业这些大问题上，已经完全获得了成功。所以，奋斗者必须提防成功之后的失败。 所谓成功的失败者，就是那些经过艰苦奋斗拥有了成功但并不拥有幸福的人。沙玫奋斗十年，吃了那么多苦，最终实现了她奋斗的所有目标。但作为她的指导者，徐小平依然为她的生活提心吊胆，实际上她依然值得人们同情。这真是人生最大的讽刺。大家总是为了追求社会认同的价值，沙玫几乎是全面实现了社会公认的价值目标，但从文章中，我看到沙玫并没有解决她人生最根本的问题：幸福。她在我的眼中并不幸福；她自己心中显然也不幸福。让我深思的是：她从最初见到小平"二十多一点"，到学成回国，已经"四十差一点"，对她人生的忧虑，好像一点没有减弱。 沙玫的毛病也许不是她的错，而是这个社会的错。但问题是，即使这是社会的错，人生受到摧残的，依然是沙玫这样令人敬佩和同情的奋斗者。沙玫的问题，绝对不再是留学问题。而纯粹是一个人生观问题，价值观问题，世界观问题，或者用更加浅显的语言：对沙玫这样物质贫瘠、机遇稀少的中国知识女性，应该如何活着的问题。我无法提出具体可行的方案，每个人都有自己的活法。但一个基本原理是颠扑不破的：奋斗的根本目的，是为了幸福。自己和他人的幸福。而奋斗者要想让他人幸福，必须首先使自己获得幸福。 沙玫的故事依然没有讲完。还应该继续下去。一直到她内心深处获得真正的幸福感为止。