Chapter 37 Part Five: Filial piety if you don’t follow blindly

Dear Teacher Xu: I am an undergraduate student about to graduate from Henan University of Finance and Economics, majoring in international trade.I like my major and hope it can become my lifelong career. In March 2002, a teacher who cared about me strongly urged me to take the postgraduate entrance examination. I am not the only person with academic qualifications, and academic qualifications are not equal to ability. I know very well.But as a student in a third-rate university, I really hope to pass the postgraduate entrance examination and change to a harder brand (Note: In big cities like Beijing, Henan’s higher education diploma is almost not recognized because its gold content is too low).But I know in my heart that it is difficult for me to pass the postgraduate entrance examination in mathematics, and it is even more useless to go to a prestigious school.So the teacher said his point of view: getting a postgraduate diploma is the key point, and the school and major are secondary. You can choose unpopular ones, such as Ma Zhe.I really can't figure out this point of view: Is it necessary to spend time, energy and money to learn something that I am not interested in for a piece of paper, to learn something that is completely different, and what can I do just for a piece of paper? !

(Xu Xiaoping's note: This teacher is really good at deceiving people! Thank goodness this student didn't listen to him, which made him one less person to deceive!) In the summer vacation of 2002, after repeated discussions with my parents, I decided not to take the postgraduate entrance examination, but to work first, but I had to take the national civil service examination in December, because my father insisted on letting me be a civil servant.His theory is: for a girl, except for the state administration and institutions, the rest of the work is not called work! The word "part-time job" is like the fuse of a bomb!And my plan is: go to New Oriental to take the BEC, then take the BEC test, and practice oral English well. It is best to go to a foreign company or a professional foreign trade company that I have always wanted to work in. If I need to continue studying after work, I will go abroad to study.In order not to annoy Dad, I will take the civil service exam. I know in my heart that it doesn't matter how high the score is.

(Xu Xiaoping’s note: This father is really cheating on his daughter! In fact, in my opinion, for a girl, she can go anywhere except the state’s administrative institutions! A dad throws his daughter into an already seriously overweight body!) Backfired, at the end of October, two weeks before the postgraduate entrance examination registration, when I was leaving according to my plan, the teacher called my parents thousands of miles away (my home is in Urumqi, Xinjiang), and my parents were moved.So, under the call of my parents and summoned by my teacher, I had no choice but to pack up the employment materials that were still being sorted out, reluctantly withdrew from BEC, and embarked on the postgraduate entrance examination in a daze. I hated Ma Zhe and chose to never contact I only have two months of review time, and I am not a genius, so the result can be imagined!

(Xu Xiaoping’s Note: Why is this teacher so persistent in forcing you to take the postgraduate entrance examination? Check out his motives!) In February 2003, when I went home for the New Year, I had a quarrel with my parents for a holiday.When my parents asked about postgraduate entrance examination and employment, I felt like I stepped on a landmine!The students who are employed are rushing to various exchange meetings at the moment, and the students who are taking the postgraduate entrance examination are relaxing physically and mentally tense for at least half a year, but what am I? !I missed the great time to find a job, disrupted all my plans, and I have no passion at all!Now that you have embarked on the road of postgraduate entrance examination, let's continue.But my parents asked me not to change my major, so I had nothing to say.When do I want to change my major?

I really don't know what my parents want me to do?International trade was the major they chose for me at the beginning, and I happened to like it as soon as I studied it, and they also knew that I liked it.This major is originally aimed at enterprises, but when I graduated, they used stability as an excuse to ask me to be a civil servant. Is this a bit wrong?I am the only daughter in my family, and I understand how my parents feel, but I don't like being a civil servant, it will make me old soon. (Xu Xiaoping’s note: I don’t like being a civil servant either. I agree. Don’t do what you don’t want to do. Otherwise, your life’s happiness will be ruined.)

When the term started at the end of February, I went back to school and went to see the teacher according to my parents' wishes. The teacher also thought that there was no chance for graduate students in China International Trade and Economics. If you insist on majoring, you might as well study abroad.This coincides with what I thought a year ago. In February 2002, I was not at home for the New Year for the first time. My father had just retired and was in a bad mood. When he needed me, I came to New Oriental, which I had dreamed of for a long time, and was deeply attracted by the great charm of the teachers of New Oriental. Influenced by the atmosphere, I have the idea of ​​studying abroad for the first time in my life!And it's so intense, I think it's a matter of time for me!At that time, my heart was full of excitement, and I called my parents to tell about the excitement when I saw the teachers and classmates of New Oriental. Now thinking about it, I am still so moved that I want to cry!So now, one year later, I want to go abroad.

(Xu Xiaoping’s note: I think your parents and teachers are both wrong! They never cared about what you want to do, but use the two mental shackles of postgraduate entrance examination and going abroad to bind you again and again. You become hostage to their values. How can you be happy!) Teacher Xu, I have been unwilling to mention some past events for many years, but I want to tell you today.My father is an ordinary civil servant, and my mother is a middle school Chinese teacher.I am my parents' only hope.Since I had a one-year sick leave during primary and secondary school, it took me one year longer to graduate from primary, secondary and university than others. I did not get my undergraduate diploma until I was 25 years old.

My family has spent a lot of money, and I am getting old. I will be twenty-five in July. Have you ever seen an undergraduate who graduated at the age of 25?I really feel old.I read your "Tuqiong Dialogue" one day and one night, and I still remember a few paragraphs in it: "25 years old is a watershed in life... What can I do?" There is a law..." Wait, these words make me unable to sit still. (Xu Xiaoping’s note: graduating from college at 25 is not a big problem. I only graduated from college at 27. Look at me, it’s not miserable! The point is, since you feel the pressure of life at the age of 25, you should make good use of yourself enlightenment, to open bright eyes to find real success.)

My current thinking is very contradictory. First, my parents want me to finish my studies in one go before working. They agree to study abroad, but my family’s financial conditions are limited, and my parents can provide up to 150,000 yuan. So I want to go to the UK and do a one-year master’s degree. ; Second, I feel that I lack work experience, and I should work for a few years first.However, on the one hand, now that I am working, do I still have the time and energy to study, and can I stop? I saw some of my former classmates talk about studying after work, but they have no time and energy at all, and they can’t calm down; On the other hand, I am so old that I have to consider marriage issues. Although my boyfriend is worried, he still supports me to go abroad.

I'm conflicted, but time flies!So, without asking you, I signed up for the IELTS remedial class in May. The plan is to take the test in September. Then Mazur. Teacher Xu, I know there must be a lot of absurdity in my thinking. I am very eager for your guidance and show me a way. Now I am so upset that I haven’t read three pages of vocabulary for a week, and I can’t do anything!It's fine for you to scold me, just don't throw my requests and expectations into the sea.When I was in high school, I had an argument with my parents. I wrote a long letter to a youth psychologist whom I respected very much. The result was thrown into the ocean. I was extremely sad and disappointed.

Looking forward to your teaching! New Oriental student, Xia Nao Dear Xia Nao: I deeply understand all your problems, in my opinion, your parents and your teachers are really messing around with your future--it is a homonym to your name (no wonder there is a fortune-telling method based on the name) Fate!). Let me give you some advice for getting out of the situation: 1. Although I generally encourage my readers and students to accumulate some work experience before leaving, I agree with you to leave as soon as possible in order to escape from this Suffocate your environment.When you go to the UK, you must remember your lack of experience, and make up for it when you come back. Confucius told us to respect ghosts and gods, stay away from villains, and stay close to gentlemen.Unexpectedly, today you need to stay away from your parents and teachers for a quiet life. Going abroad quickly may be the best way for you to get out of the predicament, and you already have the economic and language conditions to go abroad (IELTS is about to be taken). Where do you go abroad?Those one-year MBA programs in the UK are still available. Although the British do not value the master's degree in the UK, and this kind of master's degree tends to be mere formality and lacks substance, it is a master's degree after all.This will greatly improve your sense of self and balance your mental state.In addition to the United Kingdom, countries such as Canada, Australia, and New Zealand are also available. When you come back from abroad, your English and language culture, as well as the Western spirit you have acquired, will give you the strength to get rid of those inexplicable interferences in your life.Western culture is a culture that advocates freedom and individual independence.Once you have mastered and identified with this culture, you will not become an intentional or unintentional supporting role in the above-mentioned farce. 2. Now that you have decided to study abroad, don't force yourself too much about work.Otherwise nothing can be done well.Work is new to you, and if you're half-hearted and skimpy, you might as well not do it.Otherwise, you will lose confidence in the issue of work. In the process of waiting to go abroad for about a year, if possible, of course, you can do something part-time in a certain field, and experience some practical experience with the mentality of an internship, which is better than waiting.Through the relationship of acquaintances, classmates, friends, and teachers (don't be that teacher), there is definitely no harm in going to a company to feel the atmosphere. 3. I firmly oppose your postgraduate entrance examination.I find that you seem to be in a situation in a Kafka novel, being driven to an inexplicable place by an inexplicable force.The protagonist of Kafka is somehow unable to enter the city for some reason; but here, it is the opposite, for some reason you are always being driven into the city. Your teacher, the dog bites the mouse, why is he so actively pushing you to take this test and that test?Your father, things backfired, he didn't know that interfering with you would put his daughter's future in jeopardy?I feel like these two people -- the two people who are supposed to be closest and most important to you are the most destructive to your happiness in life. I asked the sky why Tiantian should not: why... Therefore, don't take the postgraduate entrance examination, and don't take the civil service examination.You are a graduate of international trade. Since this major is nothing, you can be everything. Any popular career in the market is your future and career-but don’t fall into a rigid system, let alone Listen to that teacher again, delay two or three years to get a master's degree that has no direct meaning to your personal situation. 4. Although I know that the life development that is most in line with your personal interests, in fact, you should start working first. Others have to work for three to five years, but you can only work for one or two years before going abroad.But I decided that all kinds of pressure on you will make you unable to concentrate, so I don't think it's better for me to object if you want to go. 5. It is really not easy to grow up to this day in such an environment.But I am worried that your self-awareness, independent will, free spirit, business sense, creativity, risk-taking, self-confidence...these qualities necessary for success of talents have already been seriously flawed.Although you didn't mention these issues, I am worried that the lack of these qualities will cause you to be defeated inexplicably on the battlefield of life struggle.So I want to remind you to pay attention to these deficiencies, try to be alert and improve yourself. Finally, allow me to emphasize a point that I think is very important: Your family is a family with a strong desire for parental control and a weak sense of democracy.Children who grow up in this kind of family, even if they can finally struggle to stand upright, will inevitably leave a deep disability in their independence, initiative, and tenacity deep in their personality, and they will be vulnerable to blows on the battlefield of life from then on. Do not confuse filial piety with blind obedience!Never put your independence as a sacrifice to your parents' ignorance.Not at the cost of filial piety and sacrificing your own happiness.You are still young and have time to develop and rebuild your own independent personality. As Chinese, we all have the tradition of honoring our parents.But although the value of "filial piety" is the same, the forms of "filial piety" are different.My old man is also a filial son, I think I can also be included in the twenty-five filial piety pictures-if someone is so funny and wants to continue writing.But my way of "filial piety" is to do what I think I should do, what I like to do most, and walk the path I want to go-let my parents talk about it.The better I am, the more independent, the freer, the happier I am, the happier my parents are.This is my family.I am proud of my parents! Don't forget your own existence for the sake of your parents!Don't forget your own thinking because of what your parents think!When you become yourself, your parents also get a successful daughter and happiness in old age.Otherwise, the consequences will be disastrous... Parents, what do you want?Isn't it the future of my daughter?However, you are capable, knowledgeable, and have enough new values ​​of the times, are you sure that you can guide your grown-up children? The answer is generally NO. I am not exaggerating at all.You were originally a very assertive and independent girl, but under the rough intervention of your parents, you have begun to break down.However, there is still time... Congratulations! Xu Xiaoping PS: As for that teacher... well, just ignore him!While you can still honor and respect him on a personal level, never involve him again in terms of ideas and prospects.I see that he also needs my guidance.You can give him my mailbox address!