Chapter 38 Part Five: The Cultural Banana Water Effect of Studying Abroad

Dear Teacher Xu: I am 35 years old, my husband is excellent, my son is very smart, and my family life is very happy.It seemed like I should be content, but there was always an irreparable pain in my heart.Although I could pass the college entrance examination and enter university, I still only read a technical secondary school for various reasons. Later, although it took me more than ten years to get a junior college, a college degree, and even an on-the-job postgraduate diploma (only a degree without a degree) ), but I found that none of this could make up for the pain in my heart of not having a formal college education.My inferiority complex could not be raised.

By chance last year, I got a half-year training quota from the public in Canada, and I have already got the visa. For me, this will be the last chance to fight hard. I want to get a master’s degree during this period, but This may mean losing the current job, investing more than 100,000 yuan, and experiencing the double torment of loneliness and academic pressure. My other option is to take the training fee of 60,000 RMB from the public and come back as scheduled after staying there for half a year. After attending the lectures, I can appreciate and experience the local customs.Come back and continue to work in the original unit and continue my current happy life.

Faced with these two choices, I don't know what to do?Do I want to complete this master's dream, dear teacher Xu? liuga Dear Liuga: Based on the life experience you wrote in your letter, I know that deep down in your heart, you undoubtedly want to study a master’s degree in Canada before returning to China. Since you think that not going to college was a choice that "ruined your life", and you still can't get rid of the "eternal pain in your heart" after you have obtained two and a half degrees through self-study, now the opportunity has finally come, you can You should take advantage of this opportunity to fulfill this long-cherished wish, finish your master’s degree in Canada and then return to China to start your life anew.

I'm not too critical of your degree-first mentality, although I strongly believe it's stupid.The friends who argue with me on the basis of "social reality" and "academic discrimination" are precisely those who cannot transcend the times, transcend the world, and transcend mediocrity.The critique of the supremacy of degrees, that is, the collective unconsciousness of degrees, permeates all my consulting conversations and writings, so I won’t say much here. Based on the specific analysis of the specific situation, I will provide some suggestions based on your specific situation:

1. Since not having a formal academic qualification is an intractable pain in your life, I know I can't change you either.So, I have no objection to you fulfilling your master's dream in Canada!Although by criticizing your thought motives, you can help the latecomers, but you are hopeless on this issue anyway!Therefore, although my study abroad consultation generally requires first questioning and defining your career purpose for studying abroad, for you, I will save this question that will disturb your position of going abroad. People live for values, even if the values ​​are wrong.

2. Going abroad for a long time, especially studying abroad, will cause damage to a person's family life in many ways.Therefore, during your stay in Canada, you must pay special attention to protecting the happiness of your family.Your husband is an excellent man, your child is a lovely angel, and you are a happy family. Happy families are different, but unhappy families are all the same - they all have a wife who constantly needs to pass degrees and study abroad to affect the stability of the family! Therefore, when you are pursuing a master's degree in Canada, you must pay attention to protecting your family.Protect your husband's soul, protect his self-esteem.The longer you stay abroad, the more sensitive his heart will become.

This sensitivity is not a good thing.This is a kind of spiritual SARS, and there is no cure for it for a while.Its symptoms are paranoia, always feel that you don't love him anymore, feel that you look down on him, always feel that you are having an affair (in fact, this is a mirror reflection of his own desire to have an affair)...so, no matter he How unreasonable it is, you have to understand that this is just the onset of a mental virus, and you must be strictly isolated and cared for so that his fatal symptoms will not be transmitted to you, and you will continue to give him antibiotics—keep telling him "I Love you".If you really love him, want him, and care about him, pay special attention to this aspect.

At the same time, you have to guard against a curse not happening to you: Marriage is a product of culture, and the union between you and your husband is the result of cultural identity, which is also the fundamental reason for the union of men and women in the world.The reason why the marriages of foreign students are easy to break up is because the cultural paint that once solidified the two of them together will encounter the "banana water" of Western culture after one party has studied abroad for a long time. A chemical product called "benzene" -- this cultural banana water has an innate decomposition effect on anything that has been solidified through culture.

Wherever the banana water of Western culture is splashed, the people there will split from what they were originally united with: for example, split from the government, split from the wall (East Berlin), and split from their parents (marriage autonomy and individual liberation during the May 4th period were example of splitting with parents), and splitting with spouse (high divorce rate in study abroad movement)… It is a great invention to get rid of an unhappy marriage by studying abroad; but it is a great fool to disturb a happy family by studying abroad. Western culture may not necessarily be "advanced culture", but it is definitely a strong culture.

What's more, you go to study abroad out of desire, not under compulsion, so you have to be more careful.You are like Fu Mingxia, after a lifetime of pursuit and expectation, with a bang, you plunged into the bottom of the water with a wave of white strips that glued all social relations and reasons for existence... The waves in this pool are all Western. Cultural Banana Water! Therefore, your family's future is relatively unstable.Although stability is the most important thing, studying abroad is another kind of persistence.It's a paradox in your life, a misfortune in your family life -- I don't mean a misfortune in your family, I'm just saying a misfortune in your family's "life".How to prevent the misfortune of a "phased" life from turning into a "full course" misfortune is something that every friend who puts his family in the country and goes to study abroad by himself must pay serious attention.

Perhaps this is the so-called evolution, the development of the so-called civilization!The study abroad movement in China has developed to this day, and it must not be a bad thing to have a hoarse voice like mine shouting a few not-so-auspicious words of awakening the world.Studying abroad, studying abroad, how many tragedies have passed away in your name!As an expert who has read countless people in the field of study abroad consultation, I am afraid that people will think of all the good things about studying abroad and say nothing about the good times, but they will not face up to the troubles and even sufferings in life that international students have encountered and continue to encounter. God and I, bless you with a stable marriage and a happy family for international students! 3. Above I expressed my support for your master's degree and reminded you to protect your family.Now let's talk about work after returning.In this regard, I am very confident.Studying abroad can change your life -- if your career goals are clear.I deeply think it is very worthwhile to spend "hundreds of thousands of RMB", "lose my previous job", and "experience the double torment of loneliness and academic pressure" to complete my Western education.Of course, the premise is still as mentioned above, you must have a very clear career goal. Like higher education, studying abroad can, and even more, completely change a person.Spending more than 100,000 RMB, losing a good job, being lonely physically and mentally, and academic pressure can’t stop Chinese people from pursuing knowledge, technology and truth, let alone your own pursuit of self! But what you need to be alert to is that for so many years you only focus on getting a degree and forget to do work. You didn’t tell me which industry you have unique insights, experiences, experiences, hobbies, passions, achievements...and what you want to do for the rest of your life. It is a field of investing, getting involved, entering, providing wisdom and dedication, and grabbing labor rewards.You don't seem to have a purpose and direction that could be called your career and career.For you, there is a huge life time bomb in ambush. To ensure the future of work after studying abroad, you must set a career goal for yourself from now on!This career goal must be realistic and feasible, in line with your feelings, interests, abilities and experience. I cannot suggest from your brief letter what you should study specifically.But what I hope you can draw from my letter is: studying abroad must have an ultimate career goal, especially for you who are more mature—in other words, older friends—it is even more necessary to decide to return to China What kind of work will you do in the end, and then design your study plan.Otherwise, like countless overseas students, who go abroad with good plans, but finally return home in their thirties, career and marriage have identity and positioning crises at the same time. This will be the greatest tragedy of studying abroad! Your degree-oriented thinking has made your professional career more than ten years fruitful.Those two and a half degrees did not heal the scars in your heart, nor did they give you a solid career direction.Now, if you don't know to establish your career goals by studying abroad, you may get the same result.This result, together with the "cultural banana water" effect mentioned earlier, may be very scary for your future. I am not scaring you.The question that I have so boldly pointed out is actually the very question that you fear, worry, worry, have a hunch, long to know the answer but dare not ask.This is why you are still hesitating and looking left and right in the face of such a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to study abroad on a public sponsorship.You are afraid, whether the Canadian master's degree will become the tasteless rib of your life like the first two and a half degrees. My answer is: as long as you grasp the warnings I mentioned earlier, establish career goals and ensure family stability, studying abroad is not a risk, but worth pursuing. Studying abroad will become a marathon in your life, a long march without any risks.So, muster up your courage, lay wooden boards on your chain bridge, and, like the eighteen warriors, rush into the hail of bullets for studying abroad, into the sea of ​​fire and danger of the future, and create your personal history of the Long March! Don’t forget, your Long March is ultimately a trip by Boeing or Airbus, and you don’t have to drink horse urine and chew barley for meals in the middle, but milk and sandwiches.Moreover, there is your husband who is guarding the fertile Jinggang Mountains behind him, constantly providing you with spiritual and material logistical support! I wish you success in studying abroad, family happiness and career prospects, both take off! Xu Xiaoping