Chapter 22 Can Humans Survive Grief

So grief can end only if you know your own activity: how you try to escape it, how you want to find an answer to it, and when you can't find the answer, how you turn to beliefs, idols, ideas.This is what humans have been doing for so many years; and there are always priests, brokers to help you escape. I feel that I have to find out what listening means.We are doing something together, and this thing needs your attention, not intellectual attention, but listening, not only to what we are saying, but to what is actually in your mind.To listen is to observe, actually observe your mind, which is facing this very complex problem of existence.Don't explain, explaining you cannot listen.Listening is a focused act in which there is no interpretation, no comparison - remember what you have read and compare it with what is being said, or with your own experience.Those are distractions.Really listen without resistance, don't try to find the answer, because the answer doesn't solve the problem.What really solves the problem completely is the ability to observe without being aware of the observer, just observing, and the observer is just past experience, memory and knowledge.With this attitude, we can then find out what grief is and whether humans can get rid of it.It is very important to find out for yourself whether the grief will end—actually, not verbally, not intellectually, not fancifully or sentimentally.Because if it disappears, the mind is freed from the great burden, and that relief is necessary to discover what love is.

So what is grief and does it have an end? It's really a pretty deep question.I don't know if you have ever been curious about it, if you have seriously set out to find out what it is and whether this heart, your heart -- which is the human heart -- can go beyond it.We have to find out what pain, sorrow and mourning are.Suffering is physical as well as psychological: suffering and pain in the body, in the organs, and pain, sorrow and lamentation in the mind in all its complexity.We all know that physical pain—little pain or very great pain—can be managed with medication or in other ways.You can observe suffering with an unbiased mind, with a mind that can observe external physical pain.One can observe a toothache without being emotionally, mentally trapped.When you are emotionally and psychologically affected by a toothache, the pain becomes greater and you become very worried and afraid.I don't know if you have noticed this phenomenon?

The key is to be aware of the physical, physical pain and not to be affected by it mentally while being aware.Awareness of physical pain, being affected psychologically deepens the pain and causes anxiety and fear—whereas to be totally unaffected by the psychological element requires a great deal of awareness, a certain detachment, a certain degree-neutral observation.Then pain does not distort the activity of the mind, and physical pain does not cause the mind to react nervously.Don't know if you've noticed how when you're miserable and have problems you can't solve, how the mind is affected by it, how your outlook on life is distorted? Knowing that this whole process is not a matter of resolution, or of conclusions, or It means that one has to go, then you create division and thus more conflict.Yet you can deal with physical pain, or act upon it, quite rationally, when you observe wisely the circumstances of the pain, how the mind is affected by the pain, how the actions and thoughts are distorted.That's pretty easy.

But what is not easy to deal with and is quite complex is psychological pain, sadness and grief.That requires clearer and more examination, closer observation and perspective.We humans have been wounded since childhood, no matter where we are.We are full of scars, conscious or unconscious.There are many ways to hurt.We have shed tears, cried in private or in front of others, and because we were hurt, we wanted to hurt others, which is a form of violence.To resist being hurt, we build a wall around ourselves to avoid getting hurt again.When you build a wall around you to avoid injury, you take more damage instead.From childhood onwards, through comparison, imitation, and conformity, we hide many injuries and are unaware of their existence, and all our activities are based on reactions to these injuries.

Are we talking together? If you are not just listening to what the speaker is saying, but using the words to see yourself, then there is communication between the speaker and you. Can the damage that causes phenomena, imbalances, neuroticism, avoidance, etc., be removed so that the mind can function efficiently, clearly, wisely, fully? That is one of the problems that grief creates.You've been hurt, and I'm sure everyone has been hurt, and it's part of our culture, part of our education.Somebody in school tells you you have to get A's and get higher grades; somebody tells you that you're not as good as your uncle, or you're not as smart as your grandmother, and that's the beginning.Because of comparison, you are being treated more and more cruelly, not just outwardly, but deep down.If you don't undo those hurts, throughout your life you will want to hurt people, or become violent, withdraw from life, stay away from people, in order not to be hurt again.

Since this is part of our suffering, can a wounded heart be completely free from all kinds of hurts and not hurt anymore? An unwounded heart, which does not hurt others again, is true innocence.That's what the word means in the dictionary - a heart that can't be hurt - so it can't hurt anyone else.Now, how does a heart that has been deeply wounded get out of harm? How do you answer that question? Knowing that you have been hurt, how do you find out how to get out of harm? If you know completely, deeply, thoroughly damage, then you already know all the damage, because all are included in one, and you don't need to chase after one damage to another.

Why is the mind hurt? In the current situation, in schools and families, and in all our external relationships, all forms of education, through competition and obedience, are a process of twisting the mind.Deciding not to be hurt anymore is a conclusion of thought, but thought - which is time, which is activity, which has created the image that it should not be hurt - still does not solve the problem of being hurt.So thought does not solve the problem of being hurt.It just listens to what the speaker says, inhales it, drinks it, and finds out.It is impossible for thought to heal these injuries, but it is the only tool we have, the only tool we have cultivated so carefully, and when the only tool cannot be used to act, we feel lost.Right? But when you realize that the mind, all the mechanisms of the mind, can't solve the problem anyway, then intelligence is at work—not yours, or mine, or anyone else's intelligence.Analysis cannot undo those injuries.Analysis is a form of paralysis, and it does not undo those injuries.So what else do you have? You see so clearly that you have been hurt, that neither thought nor analysis can resolve it.What goes through your mind when you see the truth of your thought process, and everything else that is relevant? It is this thought that creates an image of yourself that has been damaged.

So when our mind understands that the impression of thought, analysis, activity cannot solve the injury, then the mind can observe the injury without any activity.And when the mind observes it completely in the way we have spoken, then you will see that all kinds of damage have disappeared, because that damage is the image of yourself, and that image is made by thought.The damage comes from the image, and that image has no substance.It is a structure of speech.Linguistic imagery is provided by thought, and when thought is inactive, the image does not exist.Then there is no chance of injury.Got it? Try it, do it—don't wait until tomorrow, do it now.

That is one of the reasons we mourn.And the grief of being alone, the grief of not having a friend—or if you had a friend, the grief of losing that friend; Satisfied and psychologically satisfied, you mourn his death.When that person is gone, that is, when that person dies or leaves you, all the anxiety, fear, jealousy, loneliness, despair, anger and violence, explode within you.That's part of our lives.unsolvable.In Asia they would say, "My friend, we'll figure it out in the next life." After all, hope in the next life, and then I'll know how to deal with it.In the West, this mourning revolves around a person or an idol you worship—human suffering revolves around an individual; you get away with it, but you still haven't solved it.You set it aside for a moment, you put it on the image of the cross in the church.But the problem is still there.

So grief can end only if you know your own activity: how you try to escape it, how you want to find an answer to it, and when you can't find the answer, how you turn to beliefs, idols, ideas.This is what humans have been doing for so many years; and there are always priests, brokers to help you escape.In order to watch all the thoughts inside you, you don't rely on any present or past psychology, just watch yourself - the hurt, the escape, the loneliness, the despair, the great pain, the inability to go beyond the present state - just watch without The activity of thought requires great concentration.That concentration, which is itself, has its own discipline, its own order.

Can you observe loneliness - a factor of our grief, or feeling like you have to accomplish something and can't, but you're not discouraged, you just observe without any thought and don't want to go beyond it? Let me start with a different Think about it from an angle.I lost my brother or my son.He died, and I was in shock for days.Then after that incident, I was full of sadness, pain, loneliness, feeling that life was meaningless and I was alone.So without any thought at all, I said, "I have to go beyond, I have to find my brother, communicate with him, I feel so alone, so hopeless." Without any thought, just observe.Then you will see that in suffering there is passion, which has nothing to do with carnal desires, it is the energy emanating from complete freedom from thought. So by - no, I don't need to go through the word - so be aware of all the activities of "I" - the products of thought, the activities of time, the nature and structure of "I", whether conscious or unconscious, can Grieve no more.You can try it yourself.If you don't try, you have no right to listen, because it means nothing to you.It is through self-knowledge that sorrow ends and wisdom begins. Now, let's move on to the next question and think about what love is.I really don't know what love is.Someone can describe it, someone can put it into words, into the most poetic language, with very beautiful words, but words are not love.Affection is not love.Love has nothing to do with emotions, it has nothing to do with patriotism, it has nothing to do with ideas, if you get into it, you know it all too well.So we can completely put aside those language descriptions, those images that we have made: patriotism, God, work for your country and your queen - you know the bullshit! We also know that if we look carefully, we will find that This kind of happiness is not love.Can you stand that kind of drudgery? For most of us, love is the pleasure of sex.For most people, this kind of sexuality, the feeling of physical pleasure, has become especially important in the Western world, and now it is more impacting towards Eastern civilization.When it is rejected, torture, violence, cruelty, bizarre emotional states ensue.Are these all love? The pleasure of sex and the recollection of it—chewing it over and over and wanting to do it again—this repetition, the pursuit of pleasure, is what is called love.We've made that word so vulgar and meaningless: Go, kill for the country you love; join this group because they love the Lord! We've made that word so horrible, ugly, vulgar, cruel! Life is It is bigger and deeper than happiness, but our civilization and softening have made happiness the most important and powerful thing in life.So what is love? What is the place of love in the relationship between man and woman? Let's think about what is love in human relationships? When you look at the map of humanity - men, women, relationships with neighbors, relationships with nations, etc. - what place does love have in these relationships ?What is the place of love in real life? Life is the relationship between each other, and life is the action in the relationship.What is the place of love in action? Do we share all this together? Please don't be shy, it's your life.Don't waste your life.You only have a few years, don't waste them.You are wasting your time and it is sad to see that. In relationship, where is the love? What is the relationship? Is there a connection? That means fully, totally responding to each other.The word relation means to be related, and related means to have direct psychological and physical contact with another person.Are we really related to each other? I may be married, have kids, have sex, have other careers, etc., but am I really related to other people? Am I related to what? I am related to me The built image of you or her matters.Be careful, pay attention.She has a relationship with me because she made an image of me, right? So there is a relationship between these two images; and this relationship of images is called love! See how we make this so ridiculous.That's a fact.Not a cynical statement.I spent years, or ten days, or a week building an image of her—maybe a day would suffice, and she did the same.Do you understand the cruelty, ugliness, cruelty and evil of each other's images? And the contact of these two images is called relationship.So there is always a war between man and woman, one trying to dominate the other.One side dominates the other, and around it grows a culture—a matriarchal or patriarchal society.You know those things, is that love? If it is, then love is just words without meaning.For love is not joy, jealousy, envy, the difference between man and woman, one dominating the other, one driving the other, one possessing the other, or being attached to the other.That's certainly not love - that's just convenience and exploitation.And we have accepted it as a pattern of life.When you look at it, really look at it, when you know it completely, you will see that you are no longer making an image -- no matter what she does or what you do, there is no image anymore.Perhaps because of this event, a special flower bloomed, and the flowering of this event is called love.It does happen.Love has nothing to do with "I" or "you".it is love.And when you have love, you don't send your kid to the army for training and have him killed.Then there would be a rather different civilization, a different culture, a different human being, a different man and woman. Sanin · July 26, 1973