Chapter 21 How to get rid of loneliness and dependence

You just need a method that allows you to get rid of specific dependencies or all dependencies.The method is "interpretation," isn't it? You're about to practice using this method and life frees you from dependency, so this method becomes another dependency.In trying to free yourself from a particular dependency, you have introduced another form of dependency. Q: I feel very alone and long for some intimacy with other people.I can't find my friends, what should I do? K: One of our difficulties is that we want to be happy through something, through someone, through symbols, through belief, through virtue, through action, through friendship.We think that happiness, or fact, or whatever you call it, can be obtained through certain things.So we feel that through action, through friendship, through certain ideas, we will find happiness.

Because I am lonely, I want to be happy through someone or some beliefs.But I'm still lonely, it's always been there, just under the surface.But when it scares me, I don't know what the inner nature of this loneliness is, so I try to find something to cling to.So I think that through something, through someone, I can be happy.So our minds are always concerned with finding these things.Through furniture, through houses, through books, through people, through beliefs, through rituals, through symbols, we hope to find joy in certain things.So those things, those people, those beliefs become very important, because we hope to get happiness through them.So we start relying on them.

But with them, we still don't understand it, we can't solve it, the anxiety, the fear is still there.And even when I see it's there, I want to take advantage of it, experience it, and see what comes after.So my mind uses everything as a means of transcending it, thus making everything trivial.If I use you for my happiness, then you become very unimportant, because all I care about is whether I am happy or not.So when my mind is only concerned with being happy through someone, through something, or through belief, don't I make those approaches ephemeral? Because I'm concerned with something else, further To say, to grasp another thing.

Isn't it very important that I should know this loneliness, this pain, this pain of utter emptiness? Because if I knew that, maybe I wouldn't use anything for pleasure, I wouldn't use God to gain peace or use rituals to get more moving, excited and inspired.What was eating away at my heart was fear, loneliness and emptiness.Can I understand? Can I work it out? Most of us are lonely, aren't we? Doing what we want, going on the radio, writing a book, getting involved in politics, worshiping, doesn't really get rid of loneliness, I might be in Being socially active, I may use certain life philosophies to affirm myself, but no matter what I do, the loneliness is still there, deep in my subconscious, or deep in my being.

How do I deal with this situation? How do I bring it out and work it out completely? All I do over and over is blame it, don't I? I don't know what to be afraid of, and this fear is the result of the condemnation.After all, I don't know what the quality of loneliness really is.But in my mind I have already judged it and said it is terrible.The mind has an opinion about facts and an opinion about loneliness.It's these perceptions, these opinions that create the fear that keeps me from really seeing loneliness clearly. I wish I made myself clear? I'm lonely, and I'm terrified of it.What causes the fear? Isn't it because I don't know the meaning of loneliness? If I knew the meaning of loneliness, then I wouldn't be afraid of it.But since I know what it might be, I run away from it.And it is avoidance that creates fear and keeps you from facing it.To face it, to be with it, not to blame it.And when I can face it, I can love it and see it clearly.

So, is the loneliness I'm afraid of just a word? It's not actually a necessary existence, maybe through which door I will find out the truth? That door may lead us further, so our heart understands that in this state Must be alone, unpolluted.Because all other methods of staying out of loneliness are derailed, evasive, distracting.If our heart can be with it without blaming it, then maybe through it our heart will discover the state of loneliness, a heart that is not only lonely but utterly alone, not dependent on, not trying to find out through something the truth. We have to be very alone, and only when our hearts are no longer looking for pleasure, or seeking virtue, or creating resistance, can we know that loneliness is not caused by circumstances, that loneliness is not isolation, that loneliness is creative.Only a solitary mind - not a depraved mind polluted by its own experience - can discover these.So maybe we learn about loneliness, and if we know how to face it, it might open the door to the truth.

Q: I am very dependent on others, especially psychologically.I don't want to be dependent anymore.Please point me to a method that I no longer depend on. K: Psychologically, in our hearts we are dependent on others, on rituals, on ideals, on things, on property, are we not? We are dependent and we want to be free from dependence because it gives us pain .As long as dependence satisfies me, as long as I find joy in it, I have no desire to be free of it.But when dependency hurts me, when it brings me pain, when the thing I depend on escapes me, disintegrates, leaves me, and turns to someone else, then I want to be free of dependency.

But do I really want to get rid of all psychological dependence completely? Or do I just want to get rid of the dependence that brings us pain? Obviously, it is to get rid of the dependence and memories that cause pain.I don't want to get rid of all dependencies completely, I just want to get rid of specific dependencies.So I wanted to find a way to get rid of my dependence, and I asked others how to help me get rid of that painful dependence.I don't want to get rid of all dependencies. Can someone help me get rid of dependence, partial dependence or total dependence? Can I tell you a method—an explanation, a word, or a technique? By telling you a method, technique, or giving you an explanation, Will you be free from dependence? You still have problems, don't you? You still have pain.Not through my guidance, but through your discussion with me, you will be able to get rid of dependence.what should you do

Please note the importance of this question.You just need a method that allows you to get rid of specific dependencies or all dependencies.The method is "interpretation," isn't it? You're about to practice using this method and life frees you from dependency, so this method becomes another dependency.In trying to free yourself from a particular dependency, you have introduced another form of dependency. But if you really cared about getting rid of all psychological dependence, if you really cared, then you wouldn't be looking for a certain method or a certain way.And then you're asking a very different question, aren't you? You're asking about your ability to deal with it, which is dealing with the possibility of dependencies.So, the question is not how to get rid of dependency, but, am I capable of dealing with this whole problem? If I am capable, then I am no longer dependent on anyone.Only when I say I can't do I ask: Please help me, show me a way.But if I have the ability to deal with dependencies, then I won't ask others to help me solve this problem.

I hope that was clear enough.I think it is important not to ask how to get rid of dependencies, but to ask am I capable of dealing with this problem? Because if I know how to deal with it, then I can get rid of this problem, so I no longer ask for a method, a Way.But am I capable of dealing with dependencies? Now, psychologically, when you ask yourself that question, what happens? When you consciously ask, am I capable of becoming free from dependence? What happens to you psychologically? Aren’t you free from dependence? ? Psychologically, you have become dependent, and now you say: Am I capable of freeing myself from dependence? Obviously, when you seriously ask yourself that question, you are no longer dependent.

I want you to not just pay lip service to understanding, but actually experience what we are discussing.That's the art of listening -- not just listening to me, but actually listening to what's going on inside of you. When I knew I was capable, the problems went away.But since I don't have the ability, I just want to get advice.So I created the Lord, I created the guru, I created the savior, I created someone who can save and help me.So I become dependent on them.But if I have the ability to solve the problem, to understand the problem, then it is very simple, and I am no longer dependent. That doesn't mean I'm full of confidence.Confidence that comes from the self - "I" - will not go anywhere because that kind of confidence is self-enclosed.But it is this very question—am I capable of discovering the truth—that gives a person a special epiphany and strength.The question is not whether I am capable - but can I be? Then I will know how to open the door of my heart, which has been closed by my own doubts, anxieties, fears, experiences and knowledge. So when the whole process is understood, the ability is there.But that ability cannot be found by any particular pattern of action, and I cannot understand the whole from the individual.I can't get the whole picture by analyzing a specific problem.So do I have the ability to see the whole situation - not to understand one particular event, one particular thing - but to see the whole process of life, its sorrows, its pains, its joys, its eternity The psychology of seeking comfort? If I can seriously ask myself that question, then the power is there. With that ability, I can handle everything.There are always various problems in life, something always happens, there are various reactions, this is life.Because I didn't know how to deal with these problems, I went to other people for help and asked them how to deal with the problem.But when I ask myself this question: Can I have this ability? At this time, it is the beginning of faith, not the confidence of "I", my own confidence, not the confidence generated by accumulation, but daily reflection Confidence in oneself, not through any special experience or anything, but through understanding, through freedom, so the mind can discover what is true. London, April 7, 1953