Chapter 17 meaning of love

Let's talk about love, let's find out if behind the word and the emotion there is - this is so important to us - restlessness, anxiety, and what grown-ups see as loneliness. Do you know what love is? Do you love your father, mother, brother, teacher, friend? Do you know the meaning of love? What do you mean when you say you love your parents? When you are with them Feel at ease and feel at ease when you are with them.Your parents protect you, they give you money, shelter, food, and clothing, and you feel close with them, don't you? You also feel that you can rely on them—or you can't.You may not be able to speak to them as easily and happily as you would to a friend; but you respect them, you accept their guidance, you obey their instructions, you feel a certain sense of responsibility to them, and you feel that you must support them in their old age.They love you too, and they want to protect you, guide you, help you - at least that's what they say.They want you to marry, to live a so-called virtuous life without causing trouble, and to have a husband who takes care of you, or a wife who cooks for you and looks after the children.It's all called love, isn't it?

We cannot immediately say what love is, because love cannot be explained in words.It's not easy for us either.Without love, life is very tasteless; without love, those trees, those birds, those smiles of men and women, the bridges on the river, the boatmen, and those cute animals, have no meaning; without love, life is like a ford.In the deep water, there is a rich ecology, and many fish can survive; but the shallow water beach will be quickly dried by the hot sun, leaving only mud and dirt. For most of us, love is very difficult to understand, because our life is very superficial.We want to be loved, and we want to love, but behind that word, there is an underlying fear.So isn't it important for each of us to find out what this wonderful thing is? And only if we know how we treat other people, how we treat those trees, those animals, strangers, hungry Only when you are human can you find the answer.We have to know how to treat our friends, how to treat our guru, how to treat our parents.

When you say, "I love my father and mother, I love my guardian, my teacher." What does it mean? When you respect someone, when you feel it is your duty to obey them, And they also expect your obedience. Is this love? Is love disturbed? When you respect someone, you also despise someone.And is it love? In love, is there a feeling of respect or contempt? Is there a compulsion to obey someone? When you say you love someone, do you not depend on him in your heart? When you are a child, you naturally depend on your father, mother, teacher, guardian.You need care, food, clothing and shelter.You need to feel safe, to feel that someone is taking care of you.But what about the general situation? This feeling of dependence persists as we grow older.Have you not noticed this phenomenon in old people, your parents, teachers? Have you not observed: how they are emotionally dependent on their wives, husbands, children, parents? When they grow up, most people Still dependent on others, they continue to depend.They feel lonely when they have no one to rely on to give them comfort and security.They feel lost.This feeling of dependence on others is called love.But if you look very carefully, you will see that this dependence is fear, it is not love.

Most people are afraid of being alone, they are afraid of thinking for themselves, they are afraid of feeling deeply, they are afraid of exploring and discovering the meaning of life.Therefore they say they love God, and depend on the God they profess; but that is not God, not the Unknowable, which is created by thought. The same is true of ideals or beliefs.I believe in something, or I have an ideal, and that gives me great comfort; but when I leave the ideal, the belief, I am lost.The same goes for following a guru.I rely, because I want to attain enlightenment, so I have the pain of fear.The same goes for depending on your parents or teachers.When you are young, it is natural and right to do so; but when you are mature, if you are still dependent, it will make you unable to think, unable to be free.Where there is dependence, there is fear; where there is fear, there is authority, but there is no love.When your parents say you have to obey, you have to follow tradition, you have to do some kind of work -- there is no love.And when you depend on society, when you accept the existing structure of society without any doubt, there is no love in your heart.

Ambitious men and women also don't know what love is, and we are ruled by ambitious men.That's why there is no happiness in this world, and why when you grow up, you should discover and know that, if it is possible to discover what love is, it is very important for you to find it out for yourself.You may have a good job, a nice house, a nice garden, clothes, you may be prime minister, but without love none of these things mean anything. So you have to start finding out now - don't wait until you are old, because then you will never find out - how you really feel in your relationship with your parents, your teachers, your guru.You can't just accept the word "love" or any other word, but you have to get behind the words and discover what the truth is -- the truth is what you actually feel, not what you should feel.If you do feel jealous or angry and say, "I shouldn't be jealous, I shouldn't be angry," then that's a wish, not a fact.This is a time when it is important to discover what it is very real, very clearly, without idealizing how you should or will feel in the future, and then you can figure out how to do it.But you say, "I must love my parents, I must love my teachers." That is meaningless.Because your real feelings are very different, and those words mask your real feelings.

So, isn’t it wise to see the meaning behind words? Words such as “duty,” “duty,” “God,” and “love” have their traditional meanings; but a wise person is truly educated. man, able to transcend these traditional meanings.For example, if someone told you that he didn't believe in God, you'd be surprised, wouldn't you? You'd say, "My God! That sucks!" Because you believe in God—at least you think you do.But belief and non-belief are not important; the important thing is: you go deep behind the text to find out whether you really love your parents, and whether your parents really love you.Indeed, the world would be completely different if you and your parents truly loved each other.No war, no hunger, no class differences.There are no rich and poor.You see, without love, we try to reform society economically, we try to do the right thing; but as long as we don't have love in our hearts, we can't free the social structure from conflict and misery.That's why we must tread carefully; and maybe then we'll find out what love is.

Questioner: Why is there sorrow and misery in the world? K: I doubt the boy knows what those words mean.He may have seen an overburdened donkey with four feet nearly broken, or another boy crying, or a mother beating her child.Perhaps he sees grown-ups quarreling with each other; and death, and bodies being carried to cremation; and beggars, and poverty, and sickness, and old age, and mourning, not only on the outside, but also in our hearts.So he asked, "Why is there grief?" Don't you want to know that too? Don't you wonder why you grieve? What is grief and why does it exist? If I want something and don't get it, I feel Sadness; if I want more money, or if I want to be more beautiful, and I don't get it, I will be unhappy.If I want to love someone and he doesn't love me, then I'm miserable.My father passed away, and I will be very sad.why?

Why do we feel unhappy when we can't have what we want? Why should we have what we want? We think that's our right, don't we? Why should we have what we want when we need it? Besides, why should we? We have food, clothing and shelter, but we are still not satisfied.We ask for more.We want to be successful, we want to be respected, loved, valued, we want to have power, we want to be famous poets, saints, orators, we want to be prime ministers, presidents.Why? Have you ever looked closely? Why do we have this? Not that we have to be satisfied with what we have.I don't mean that.That would be ugly, stupid.But why is there more and more desire? This desire means that we are not satisfied, not satisfied, but what is not satisfied? Not satisfying ourselves? I am like this, but I don't like what I am now, and I want to be that way.I think I'll look better in a new coat, so I want it.That means I'm dissatisfied with the way I look, and I think I can escape dissatisfaction through more clothes, more power.But the dissatisfaction is still there, isn't it? I can only cover it up with clothes and power and cars.

So, we must know ourselves.It's pointless to cover ourselves with wealth, power, status, because we still won't be happy.Seeing this, the unhappy man, the sad man, does not run to the guru, he no longer hides in wealth, in power; on the contrary, he wants to know what is behind his sorrow.If you go behind your own grief, you will find that you are very small, empty, limited; you are struggling to be successful, to achieve something, and this struggle to be successful is the cause of grief.But if you start to know who you really are, go deeper and deeper, then you will find that something very different happens.

Q: If a person is hungry and I think I can help him, is it ambition or love? K: It all depends on your motives for helping him.Claiming to help the poor, politicians come to New Delhi, live in big houses, and show off themselves.Is that love? Do you understand? Is that love? Questioner: If his hunger is satisfied through my help, is this love? K: He was hungry and you gave him food.Is this love? Why do you want to help him? You have no motive, no reason other than a desire to help him? Are you not getting any benefit? Think about it, don't say yes or no right away.If you are looking for favors, political or otherwise, inner or outer, then you are not loving him.If you give him food to be more popular, or hope your friend will help you get into Delhi politics, then that's not love, isn't it? But if you love him, you'll give him food without any clear motive , regardless of any return.If you give him food and he is ungrateful, do you feel hurt? If so, you are not loving him.If he says you're a wonderful person and you're honored, that means you're thinking of yourself, and that's not love.So a person must be very careful: whether he wants to get any benefit in helping others, and what his motive is.

Talking to Young People Excerpts from "Life in the Future"