Chapter 14 Where there is dependence, there is no love
Do you love anyone? That means asking for nothing in return, asking nothing in return from the person you love, never depending on him.Because if you depend, then fear, jealousy, anxiety, hatred, anger starts.If you depend on someone, is it love?
K: With all your experience, all your knowledge, and the civilization you are in, you are the result of it, why don't you have mercy in your everyday life? Go find out why you don't have it, why it's not in people In the hearts, minds and opinions of the world? Don't you also ask: Do you love anyone?
Questioner: I doubt, sir, what love is.
K: Sir, I am very cautious to ask if you love anyone? You may love your dog, but the dog is your slave.Do you love anyone but animals, buildings, books, poems, the earth? That means asking for nothing in return, asking nothing in return from the person you love, never depending on him.Because if you depend, then fear, jealousy, anxiety, hatred, anger starts.If you depend on someone, is it love? Go find out! If that's not love - I'm just asking, I'm not saying it is or isn't - how can you have mercy? When we can't even When we love others, we ask for something more than love.
Q: How do you find love like that?
K: I am not looking for that kind of love.What I want to do is to get rid of the part that is not love, to be free from jealousy and dependence.
Q: That means we should not be divided into pieces.
K: Sir, that is only theory.If you love someone, go find it.How do you love when you care about yourself, your problems, your ambitions, your desire to succeed, your desires so much and put yourself first and others second? Or put others first and It is the same when you put it in a secondary position.
We've asked so many questions.We know with lip service that when there is jealousy or dependence, love cannot exist at the same time, can we still sit together and discuss whether I can get rid of dependence? I will have some conversations with myself, okay? And you will listen by the side?
Hearing these words I knew that I would not love.That is the truth.I don't want to lie to myself.I don't want to pretend that I love my wife -- or women, girls, boys.Now, first of all, I don't know what love is, but I do know that I am jealous, I do know that I am very dependent, and in dependence there is fear, jealousy, anxiety.I don't like to be dependent, but I am dependent because I am lonely, and I am excluded by society, the same in the office and in the factory; after returning home, I hope to be comforted, accompanied, and escape from myself.So, I depend on others.Now, I ask myself how to get rid of dependency without knowing what love is? I will not pretend that I have the love of God, the love of Jesus, the love of Krishna, I will drop the bullshit.How do I get rid of these dependencies? I'm just giving an example.
I don't run away from it.Right? I don't know how to end the relationship between me and my wife, and when I do get along with her, my relationship with her may change.She may depend on me, and I may not depend on her or other women.Do you understand? It's not that I want to leave her for another woman, that would be stupid.So, what am I going to do? I'm not going to run away from the consequences of being completely free of dependencies.I'm going to research it.I don't know what love is, but I see it very clearly, definitely, without any doubts - dependence on others means fear, anxiety, jealousy, possessiveness and so on.So, I ask myself: how do I get rid of dependencies? Not the way.I want to get rid of it, but I really don't know how to do it.I'm talking to myself.
So I started to question.Then I got stuck in a system.I fell into some Hindu guru who said, "I'll help you get out, do this and that, practice this and that." I wanted to get out of it, so I accepted what that stupid man said, because I saw It was important to get rid of it, and he promised me that if I did, it would pay off.So I want to get rid of it in return.Do you understand? I'm looking for something in return.So I saw how stupid I was: I wanted to get rid of it, but I got attached to the reward.
I paint another side of humanity - and I mean it - so if I talk to myself, I cry.That's sympathy for me.
I don't want to be entangled, but I find myself attached to a belief.That is, I have to get rid of, and other books or beliefs say, "Do this and you will have that." So, the reward becomes my dependency.Then I said, "Look what I've done. Be careful, don't fall into the trap. Whether it's a woman or a belief, it's still a dependency." I understand that transforming it into something else is still a dependency.So I'm very careful now.Then tell yourself: "Is there a way, or what can I do to be free from dependence? What is my motivation? Why should I be free from dependence? Because it is painful? Because I want to be free from dependence, without fear." Realm?" Please follow me, because I represent you.What is my motivation in wanting to be free? I suddenly understood that motivation gives direction, and that direction guides my freedom.Why should I be motivated? What is motivation? Motivation is an action, the desire to accomplish something.So, this motivation is my dependence.Motivation has become my dependence, not just the woman, the belief in the goal, but also my motivation, I have to have it.So I live within the bounds of dependency.I depend on the woman, the future, and this motivation.So I said, "Oh my gosh! That's extremely complicated. I don't see how getting rid of dependencies brings all this together."
Now, I see it as clearly as I look at a map: these villages, the small roads, the great roads.Then I said to myself, "Is it possible to free me from the motives of my attachment, the woman I'm dependent on, and what I want in return? Why am I dependent on all this? Is it because of my own inadequacy? Is it because I'm so lonely , wanting to escape from this loneliness, and thus attaching to something else—a man, a woman, a belief, a motive? Is it because I am lonely that I escape loneliness by relying on other things?”
So, I'm no longer interested in being dependent.I'm interested in understanding why I feel lonely and it makes me dependent.I would be lonely, and loneliness forces me to escape from something by clinging to it.As long as I am lonely, the next process is like this.So I have to research why I am lonely.What does loneliness mean? How does it happen? Is loneliness intuitive, innate and genetic, or is it caused by my everyday activities?
I question because I accept nothing.I don't accept that it's instinct and think there's nothing I can do about it.I don't accept the idea that it's genetic, which saves me from blame.When I don't accept any of these things, I ask, "Why does loneliness exist?" I question and keep the question without trying to find an answer.I asked myself: What is the root of loneliness? I was paying attention, not trying to find an intelligent answer, nor trying to tell loneliness what to do, or what it was.I'm looking at it, let it tell me.
Awareness of loneliness will reveal itself.If I run away, if I am afraid, if I resist, it will not manifest itself.So I watch it.I look at it without thoughts interfering because that is more important than thoughts coming in.All my energies are watching the loneliness, so the thoughts don't get in at all.The mind is challenged and it must answer.When you're challenged, that's a crisis.In a crisis, you retain all your abilities, and if your abilities are not disturbed, they are preserved.This is a challenge that must be answered.
Q: How can we preserve energy? How can we use energy?
K: You already have.You are confused.
You see, I started a conversation with myself.I asked, "What is that strange thing called love?" Everyone was talking about it, writing about it, romantic poems, pictures and whatnot, sex and all that shit.And I asked: Do I have this thing called love, if there is such a thing.I found that when there is jealousy, hatred, fear, love does not exist.So, I don't care about love anymore, I care about "what is", which is my fear, my dependence, and the reason why I am dependent.I said maybe one of the reasons? I was lonely, totally isolated.The older I am, the lonelier I am.So I watch it.Finding out is the challenge, and because it is the challenge, all the energies are responding.Simple, isn't it? When someone in the family dies, it's a challenge.If some catastrophes and accidents happen, it is also a challenge, and you have the spirit to face it.You don't say, "Where did you get this energy?" When your house catches fire, you have the energy to put out the fire.You have special energy.You don't sit and say, "I have to have energy first," and wait.Then the house burned down.
So, you have a lot of energy to answer the question "Why is there loneliness?"I have rejected the notion, hypothesis or theory of heredity or instinct.None of this makes sense to me.It is "as it is".So why am I lonely - not just me, everyone is lonely if he has a feeling - whether superficial or very deep loneliness? Why is there? Is it brought by the heart? Do you understand? Have rejected the theory, Instinctive, genetic, I'm asking if it's from the heart.
Is it the mind? Loneliness means utter loneliness.Is it the heart, the mind? The heart is part of the mind.Is it the mind that does it? Is it the mind that creates in everyday life that causes this loneliness? I'm isolating myself because I want to be the head of the office - or the bishop, the pope? It's been isolating it Own.did you notice this
Q: I think its isolation has something to do with how crowded it is.
K: Yes.
Q: Like a reaction.
K: Yes, sir, yes.I want to explore this.I see the mind, the heart, always making itself better, greater, leading itself into solitude.
The question is: why does thought do this? Is it the nature of thought to work for itself, to create loneliness? Does society create loneliness? Does education create loneliness? Education does cause loneliness; it prepares us for something. kind of profession.I have discovered that thought is a reaction to the past, knowledge, experience and memory, so I know that thought is limited, that thought is limited by time.So the mind does that.So, what concerns me is why the mind does what it does.Is that what it is doing in its nature?
Question: What is really deep in the heart is always hidden, so thoughts must be confusing and lead to loneliness. No one knows the feelings of others, because people will cover up.
K: Sir, we all have experience.When we don't pretend, we get the point.
We say in conversation that we don't know what love is.I know that when we use the word "love," there is a disguise, there is hypocrisy, a mask is put on.We all have experience.We are now close to the point why thought is fragmented and lonely-if it is.I've discovered this in conversations with myself because I've seen that the mind is limited, limited in time, limited in whatever it does, and within the limits, safety can be found.It finds safety and it says, "I have a special career in my life." It finds safety and it says, "I'm a professor, so I'm safe." And you're stuck in that for the rest of your life.In that confinement, psychologically and practically, there is great security
So that's what thought does.Then the question is: Can the mind know that it is limited, and therefore limited, broken, isolated, whatever it does? Is it like this whatever it does? This is an important point: The mind can understand its own limitation, or the mind says to itself, "I am limited?" Do you understand the difference? The mind is me, I say the mind is limited, or the mind itself understands that I am limited The? Those are two completely different things.To say they are the same is to deceive, and therefore there is conflict; although thought itself says, "I am limited." In fact, it does not leave the limitation.This is very important because it is the true nature of the matter.We are forcing the idea of what it should be.Thought has created "I", and "I" has been separated from thought, which in turn tells thought what it should be.But if the mind itself understands that it is limited, then there is no hindrance, no conflict, it says, "I am that. That is it."
In my conversations with myself, I ask if the mind itself understands this, or if I am telling it that it is limited.If I tell it that it is limited, then I am detached from those limitations.Then I try to overcome those limitations, so there is conflict, which is violence, not love.So, does the mind understand that it is limited? I had to find out.I am challenged.I have energy now because I am challenged.
Say it from another angle.Does consciousness understand its content? Does consciousness understand that its content is itself? I heard someone say, "Consciousness is its content, and its content makes consciousness." So I said, "Yes, it does." Or consciousness—my consciousness, this consciousness—knows its content, and therefore its content is all my consciousness? Do you see the difference between the two? One is forced by me, "I" is made of Thoughts are created, and if "I" imposes something on thought, then there is conflict.It's like a tyrannical government coercing people - but I created this government.
We are asking: Does thought understand its smallness, its meanness, its limitation? Or does it pretend to be something extraordinary, noble, divine? That is nonsense, because thought is memory, experience.In my conversations, it must have been clear: no external influences deceive the conditioned mind.Because, without cheating, there is no conflict, it understands that it is limited.It found that whatever it did, even the worship of God, was restricted, counterfeit, and trivial—though it had erected magnificent cathedrals all over Europe.
In my conversations with myself, I discovered that loneliness is created by the mind.And thought now understands that it is limited, that it cannot solve the problem of loneliness.Does loneliness exist when it cannot solve the problem of loneliness? Thought has created the feeling of loneliness.Thought understands that it is conditioned, and because it is conditioned, broken and separated, it has created emptiness, loneliness.So when it understands this, loneliness is not there.
Then, the dependence can be released.I do nothing but pay attention to dependence and its meaning - greed, fear, loneliness - by tracking it, observing it - not analyzing it, examining it, just watching, looking, looking - and I will find: all this It is thought that does it.Thought, because it is broken, creates dependence.When it understands this, the dependency ceases.No effort at all, because when there is effort, it comes back.
We say that if there is love, there is no dependence; if there is dependence, there is no love.So by denying what it is not, the main factor is removed.Do you know what it means in your everyday life? No memory of what my wife, my girlfriend, or my neighbor told me, no memory of any harm, no reliance on her impressions.I rely on the impression that thought creates for her - she hurts me, she threatens me, she gives me pleasurable sex, ten different things; all are acts of thought, it creates the impression, and it is the impression that makes me depend .So, the dependency is gone.
There are other factors: fear, pleasure, comfort, or ideas about that person.Now, do I have to discuss these step by step, one by one, or all together? I have to study fear and the desire for comfort the same way I study dependence? Do I have to see why I seek comfort? Is it because I am inadequate, So I need comfort, I need a comfortable chair, a comfortable woman or a man, or a comfortable belief? I think most of us want to have comfortable, safe, unshakable beliefs.I'm attached to it, and if someone says it's bullshit, I get mad, I get jealous, I get sad because he's going to shake my house.So, I found that I didn't need to go through the research of all the different factors.If I look at it, I've got it.
So, by denying what love is not, the rest is.I don't need to ask what love is.I don't need to go after it.If I go after it, it's not love, it's a reward.In my questioning, slowly and carefully, without distortion, without illusion, I have denied everything that is not, and the rest is.
Bloomwood Park August 30, 1977