Chapter 13 love and loneliness

Can you live in this world without ambition and without comparing yourself with others? Because when you compare, you will have conflicts, envy, desire to succeed, and want to surpass others. Every day we have to actually observe what really is in our relationships right now, and in observing, we discover how to bring about change in real situations.So, we're just describing the actual thing.Everyone lives in his own world, in his ambition, greed and fear, in his desire to succeed.If I'm married, I have responsibilities, I have kids, I'm going to work; husband and wife, son and daughter, meet in bed.And that's what we call love - leading to separate lives that are isolated from each other, building a wall of resistance around us, pursuing self-centered activities.Everyone is looking for psychological safety, everyone depends on others for comfort, happiness, friendship.Because everyone is lonely, needs love, needs to be cherished, and everyone wants to dominate others.If you observe yourself, you will find this phenomenon.Is there any relationship? There is no relationship between them, although they may have children, houses, and in fact, they are not related.If they have a plan, it's a plan to keep them together, to keep them together, but that's not a relationship.

After understanding these, some people will find that if there is no relationship between two people, corruption will start, not the external structure of the society, nor the external pollution phenomenon, but the internal pollution and destruction.Humans actually have nothing to do with each other - just like you don't.You can hold someone's hand, kiss each other, sleep together, but actually, when you look at each other very close, is there a relationship? Having a relationship means not having to depend on each other, not having to rely on someone else to escape your loneliness, not having to go through someone else To seek comfort, friendship.When you seek comfort through someone else, it's dependency, does that have anything to do with it? Aren't you taking advantage of each other?

We're not being cynical, we're observing facts, it's not cynicism.To find out what it means to be in relationship with someone else, one has to understand the problem of loneliness, because most of us are lonely.The older we get, the lonelier we are, especially in this country.Have you noticed what it's like to be old? Have you noticed their escape, their entertainment? They've worked their whole life and they want to escape into some kind of entertainment. Seeing this phenomenon, can we find a way of life that does not use others psychologically, emotionally, does not depend on others, does not use others to escape our misery, despair and loneliness?

To understand this is to understand what it means to be lonely.Have you ever been lonely? Do you know what it means? It is that you have no relationship with other people, you are completely isolated.You may be with your family, in a crowd, in an office, or wherever, and this hopelessness of utter loneliness strikes you suddenly.Unless you dismantle it completely, your relationship becomes a means of escape, and thus corruption, misery.How can one understand this loneliness, this feeling of utter loneliness? To understand it, one has to look at one's own life.Is your every action self-centered? You may occasionally be compassionate, generous, and do something without any motivation—that’s rare.This despair cannot be resolved by escape, only by observation.

So, we come back to the question: how to observe yourself without conflict.For conflict is corruption, it is waste of energy, it is the war of our lives, from birth until we die.Is it possible for us to be free of conflict for a moment? To do this, to find out for ourselves, we must learn how to observe all that we do.True observation occurs when there is no observer but only observation. Can there be love when there is no relationship? We talk about it, and love, as we know, is about sex and pleasure, isn't it? Some of you say, "No." When you say no, you There must be no ambition, and therefore no competition, no distinctions—like "you" and "me," "us" and "they."There is no distinction of nationality, and divisions brought about by belief and knowledge.Then you can say you have love.But for most people, love is about sex, pleasure and all the pain—jealousy, envy, antagonism—you know what happens between men and women.How can you have peace in the world? How can you end war when relationships are not genuine, real, deep and totally harmonious?

So, relationship is one of the most important things in life.This means that one must understand what love is.Of course, people come across it miraculously, not by their own request.When you find out for yourself what love is not, you will know what love is.Not in theory, not in words, but when you really understand what it is not: no competition, no ambition, which is the mind of struggle, comparison, imitation, such a heart, it is impossible to love. So, can you live in this world without ambition and without comparing yourself with others? Because when you compare, you will have conflicts, envy, desire to succeed, and want to surpass others.

The mind remembers the hurt, the insult, and dulls itself - does such a mind and heart know what love is? Is love happiness? And that is what we are looking for, consciously or unconsciously.Our gods are the result of our happiness.Our beliefs, our social structures, our social morals - immoral in nature - are the result of our pursuit of pleasure.And when you say "I love someone," is that love? Love is no separation, no domination, no egocentric activity.In order to know what it is, one has to deny everything -- deny it when you see its error.When you see something wrong—you took it for truth, for nature, for man—then you can never go back; when you see a dangerous snake or a dangerous animal, you don't tease it, you don't will be close to it.In the same way, when you actually see that love is none of these things, feel it, observe it, chew it, live with it, surrender to it completely, then you will know what love is, what compassion is - it It means true love for everyone.

We have no real feelings, we only have lust and happiness.The original meaning of the word true love is sadness.We all have grief of some kind, grief of losing someone, grief of self-pity, grief for humanity, group or individual.We know what grief is - when someone you love dies.When we are completely immersed in this grief, without trying to rationalize it, or escape in any way - through words or actions - when you are completely immersed in it, without any thought, then you You will find that out of grief comes truth.True affection has the essence of love, and love has no sorrow. Today, can you find out how to live now? In life everything you start has an end.Not in your office of course, but in your mind, to put an end to all the knowledge you have accumulated - your experiences, your memories, your hurts, your comparative lifestyle - you are always comparing yourself to others.Get that done every day, and the next day your mind will be fresh and young.Such a mind cannot be harmed, and that is innocence.

One has to find out for oneself the meaning of death and then stop the fear, so every day is a new day - I mean it, you can do it - so your heart and eyes see a new life .That is eternity.It is the nature of the mind to become timeless because it already knows what it means to end what is accumulated every day.Indeed, there is love in it.Love is new every day, but happiness is not, there is continuity in happiness.Love is always new, therefore it is its own eternity. Do you have any questions to ask? Q: You seem to believe in sharing, but at the same time you say that two people in love, or couples, cannot and should not base their love on mutual comfort.I don't see anything wrong with comforting each other, it's sharing.

K: What are you sharing? What are we sharing now? We are talking about death, talking about love, talking about a complete psychological change, talking about the need for a total revolution, not to live according to old forms, struggle, pain, imitation, conformity, and The principles by which people have lived for thousands of years to create such a horrible, messed up world! We talk about death.How do you share it? Share knowledge of it, not words, descriptions, explanations? What does it mean to share knowledge, to share the facts that come from knowing? And what does it mean to know? You tell me something It's serious, it's important, it's relevant, it's important, and I'm totally listening because it's important to me.Listen, my mind has to be quiet, doesn't it? If I'm chattering, if I'm looking around, if I'm comparing what you're saying with what I know, my mind isn't quiet.Only when my mind is quiet and fully listening can I understand the truth of a matter.We share that together, otherwise we cannot share.We cannot share words, we can only share the truth of certain things.When the mind is fully observing, you and I can see the truth of certain things.

You see the beauty of the sunset, the lovely hills, tree shadows and moonlight.How do you share with a friend? Tell him "look at that beautiful hill"? You can say that, but is that sharing? When you do share something with someone, it means you both have to have the same intensity, At the same time, on the same level.Otherwise you can't share, can you? You have to have the same interest, on the same level, have the same passion, otherwise how can you share? You can share the bread, but that's not what we're talking about. To see together means to share together, we both have to see - not agree or disagree - but together see what is actually, not interpreting it according to my or your perception, but together Check out what it is.And to see together, one must be free to watch, to listen.There is no prejudice, only the essence of love can share. Q: Sir, when you talk about relationships, you always say man woman or girl boy.Is it also applicable to the relationship between man and man, or woman and woman? K: Do you mean gay? Q: Sir, if you want to call it that, it is. K: You see, when we talk about love, whether it's man to man, woman to woman, or man to woman, we're not talking about a particular kind of relationship, we're talking about all the acts, all the meanings of relationship, not with a relationship between two people.Don't you know what it means to be relevant to the world when you feel like you are the world? Not a concept - that's scary - but the actual feeling that you are responsible and that you dedicate yourself to that responsibility .This is the only devotion.Not dedicating via bombs or specific activities, but feeling that you are the world and the world is you.Unless you change completely, change yourself radically and completely, if you only work on the outside, there will be no peace for mankind.If you have a deep feeling, then your problems are all about the present moment, and then cause change immediately, rather than getting stuck in some future ideal. Excerpt from "The Awakening of Wisdom" in New York