Chapter 18 ●Chapter 7 The Art of Love-1

● Section 1 The relationship between sex and love We can have many views on "marriage".If you look at it in its unvarnished and abstract basic way, and make a definition, marriage is a "legal cohabitation relationship".In a civilized state, marriage becomes a part of a country's customs or moral habits (from its basic elements, morality is actually a habit, that is, a custom), so it becomes a contractual relationship.Christian believes: "The reason why marriage is a contract is not only for the use and maintenance of sexual relations, but also for the management of a real common life. The so-called real refers to the fact that there are both economic and spiritual conditions on the one hand. On the other hand, there are more moral (that is, social) responsibilities and obligations as the structure." However, from the perspective of the cordial life of the people who enter into the marriage relationship, marriage is also a combination of two people who freely choose because of their like-mindedness. Its purpose is to find an unhindered field for the various manifestations of love.

"Love" is a very common and unpleasant euphemism.When we speak of love, we mostly include all the manifestations of the sexual drive.Needless to say, this is not true.We must distinguish between "desire" and "love". Desire is just a physiological sexual impulse, while love is the sum of sexual impulse and various impulses. The difference between lust and love is not easy to get a satisfactory definition in words.But the definitions already proposed by many specialists are more or less acceptable to us, since they always point out some part of this distinction.Simply put: "Love is a synthesis of desire and friendship. Or from a purely physiological standpoint, we can follow Worrell's saying that love is a sexual instinct expressed through the brain center, and we can also respond to philosophical According to Kant, sexual impulse is a periodic thing. The so-called love means that we use the power of imagination to liberate it from the periodicity and become a continuous thing. In the book "Love ln Children and lts Aberrations", Pfister discusses the definition of love in a long text. The definition he finally got is this: "Love is An emotion of attraction combined with a feeling of self-surrender, motivated by a need and aimed at acquiring an object that will satisfy that need. "This definition is unsatisfactory, as are most others.

The way of love developed to the extreme will become a completely selfless and altruistic impulse.However, this is only a superficial view. In fact, its starting point is still an impulse to have a self. Even if it is altruistic to such an extent that it sacrifices the self, there is still an element of self-satisfaction in it.Some experts, especially Freud (in his "Introductory Lectures"), have repeatedly stated that there is a starting point for me, but at the same time admit that in love later, it is divorced from this starting point.At the same time, Freund said in other papers that "as far as the situation in the early Yuan is concerned, love has the nature of shadow love", which goes a step further than this).Leaving aside the obviously sexual element, Freund and other writers again believe that the mother is the child's first real love object, but after growing up, except for those who are neurotic, this earliest object will recede into the background, because other love interests will naturally become more and more obvious to take their place.

In short, the dominant element in sexual impulse is "with me" or "for me", but in the process of developing into love, it also becomes self-conscious and altruistic at the same time.Under natural and normal conditions, this altruistic element is already present in the earliest stages of sexual development.Among animals, if an animal only knows that it has a self but does not know that it has a partner, but knows that it is self-interested but not considerate, the courtship efforts will inevitably fail, and the act of sexual intercourse will not be realized.However, after sexual development progresses, the altruistic element becomes part of the consciousness and can be developed to a very high level, and even the self-interested element can be completely restrained.

The development process of love can be said to be twofold.The most important development is that the sexual instinct radiates to the whole body, goes through twists and turns of nerves, and even takes some special detours, in order to make the whole body outside the sexual field be affected by this radiation. Once the normal impulse is stimulated, if Its purpose can be obtained unhindered, and its process is mostly so, otherwise it is a matter of course.The second development is due to the mixing of sexual impulses with other psychic factors of a more or less connected nature. After the sexual development matures, the development of love can add some connected emotional components, which are the various emotions generated from the parent-child relationship.When a woman comes here, her sexual love will be mixed with the love and patience aroused by the child; while for a man, the element of parent-child love will also be added to the sexual love, which is a protective emotional effect.Therefore, after the institution of marriage was established, sex became part of the social structure.This expression of erotic love, in its noblest instance, may be associated with the impulses which found religion and art.On this level, women often seem to be the precursors of men.French anthropologist Letourneau (Letourneau) told us that in many nationalities, women often occupy the leading position in the creation of poems about sex, and sometimes the expression of sex is not only in the leading position, but also aggressive. Domineering trend.

Regarding this point, there are some facts that can be used for reference, that is, among primitive peoples, women are the only ones who commit suicide due to sexual motives. But we should also know that in many more civilized peoples the development of sexual desire into love is very slow, even in civilized societies, for a large part of the population, this evolution is very superficial. This is more or less verifiable linguistically.The concept of "sexual desire" is everywhere in the world, and there are words expressing this concept everywhere; but the concept of "love" is not universal, and there are many languages ​​that do not have this word.However, the emergence of love does not necessarily follow the advancement and retreat of civilization.Sometimes when you're hoping you'll find it, it turns out to be a major disappointment.There are places where you thought you would never find it and you found it instead.

Even among animals, sexual desire is somewhat "idealized", especially among birds.Birds can feel a state of self-destruction for the sake of losing their spouse. It can be seen that what is involved in this is by no means a pure sexual instinct, but a synthesis of this instinct and other life elements, a close connection. The synthesis of the two, and its degree of intimacy, even among the most civilized human beings, can be encountered but not sought after.In some uncivilized peoples, we seem to be unable to find any basic concept of love, such as the Nahuas among the American Indians, we cannot find any basic words; but in the language of the ancient Peruvians In , we can find almost 600 words or phrases associated with mu nay, which is their verb for "love".

The preceding quote is from the observations of the anthropologist Brinton.Blaine also mentioned: In several Indian languages, the words representing love can be divided into four main categories: one is the call expressing emotions, only sound but silent; the other is the same or similar words. Words; the third represents intercourse or union; the fourth is a firm affirmation of love wishes, desires or lovesickness.Blaine also said: "The concepts represented by these words are quite the same as those represented by most love words in the Aryan language system." However, what is interesting is that the various nations in the Aryan language system, The concept of sexual love developed very slowly, but the Maya race among the Indians was much more advanced than the peoples of the early Aryan culture. In its language we find a very basic The term expresses specifically the pleasure of being in love, which is purely psychological in its sense rather than physical.

Among the Greeks, too, the erotic ideal developed rather late.For the Greeks, true love was almost always same-sex love.The Ionian lyric poets of the early Greeks believed that women were nothing more than the instruments of man's pleasure and the bearers of sons and daughters.The poet Theognis equated the function of marriage with the breeding of cattle.Another writer, Alcman, when he wanted to say a few compliments about the fit women of Sparta, said that they resembled his own glamorous beau friends.The tragedian AEschylus, in his play, uses the voice of a father to say that if he neglects his daughters, they will inevitably commit crimes and make dirty jokes.In the works of another tragedian, Sophocles, we can't find the element of sex, and according to Euripides, only women can have acts of love, and men are disdainful. One for.In short, in Greek culture, until a later period, erotic love was looked down upon, a subject not worth raising or performing in public.We must look at the scope of Greek culture in a broad sense, that is, from the scope of Magna Graecia (Magna Graecia), not from the Greek proper, so that we can find that men have a real erotic interest in women.However, the popularity of sexual love as an emotion given by life and death did not become a reality until the Macedonian era of Alexander, even within this large range.A neighbor, Benecke, thought that in Asclepiades (Asclepiades)

This spirit of advocating sex is most clearly expressed in his works.The concept of romantic sex in European life can be said to have originated from this.Only when the Celts came into play and brought the Tristan love story into European life did the idea of ​​sex be fully established, and it has since become a central theme in Christianized European literature and poetry, and Become a great driving force for personal action.However, at that time, the popularity of this concept was only limited to the upper class. As for the general public, the so-called "love" and pure sexual intercourse were one and two, and two were one.

A fully developed love affair is of course more than a mere act of sexual intercourse, but a very wide-ranging and varied emotion, of which sexual desire is but one element harmonized with many others.In Spencer's book "Principles of Psychology" (Principles of Psychology), there is a very interesting discussion on the analysis of this emotion. He believes that love is the combination of nine different factors, each distinct from each other, each They are all important: one is the physical sexual impulse; the second is the feeling of beauty; the third is love; the fourth is admiration and respect; An expanded freedom of action obtained by the elimination of the barrier between me; nine is the upsurge and excitement of various emotional effects. After the analysis, Stuart came to a conclusion and said: "We mix the most simple emotions that can be expressed to form a huge collective, and this collective is the emotion of sex." But such a detailed analysis is still incomplete. , it has lost a very important factor, that is, the erotic love we have already said is based on the instinct of parent-child love.The importance of this factor is easy to see.In the later stages of married life, the strict sexual factors gradually recede into the background. From then on, the husband's love for his wife, especially the wife's love for her husband, can easily become the love of parents for their children.The various analyzes of the predecessors on love can be summed up in a few words that Crowley said, namely: "The definition of love is extremely difficult to determine, just like the definition of life, and the reason why it is difficult to determine The reasons for this may be the same. The various manifestations of love in social life are extremely important no matter what form they are in. The importance of love is, apart from the instinct of greed for life and fear of death, it is the first. It brings together all the basic elements that make up a family, it maintains the connection and unity of the family, it unifies the elements of a race or nation, and makes them feel a sense of fellowship and compatriots." Although some of the previous discussions on love are very short, it may be enough to prove that love is a very complicated phenomenon.It is neither the romantic illusion recognized by the shallower mind, which is thought to be dismissed, nor the disgusting transformation imagined by the fledgling psychoanalyst, which can be left unexplored.The problematic playwright Ibsen is certainly right when he said: "There is no word in the world today that is more full of hypocrisy and deceit than the little word love." It is by no means a invented term, it does represent a state, a phenomenon, a thing; this term has been abused.True, but the number, scope, and depth of its abuse show that the real thing that the term stands for has an incalculable value of its own.Only the most valuable things in the world, such as gold and diamonds, will be counterfeited and misused.There is not a lot of gold in the world, so some people use the method of plating to impersonate, use the method of lightening the color to mix it, and even use only superficial things to impersonate.When people live in society, they naturally don’t only have their own self without others. It’s inconceivable to have a lonely self. With others, there will be all kinds of love and desire for others.On the other hand, unless we put ourselves aside first. It is also inconceivable that I should be able to completely put away other people and the erotic desires that they inspire in me.So we know that love is related to life and cannot be separated. If love is an illusion, then life itself is also an illusion. If we cannot deny life, we cannot deny love. Of course we do not deny love.If we think about it further, we can see that it is not only related to personal well-being, but also related to the well-being of the nation. Its functions are not only natural and material, but also social and what we call spiritual.In short, Boyce Gibson said it well, it seems to be "a great force in life that is all-encompassing and omnipresent and cannot be transformed, and it is also the ultimate virtue of all life."Someone else said, "Love is the greatest virtue", and "Morality is love".Furthermore, we can also follow the early Christians and accept what they said in their letters discussing doctrines that "God is love" and love is the highest criterion of life. ● Section 2 Why Love Is an Art Gibson and other writers mentioned in the previous section once defined love as a kind of "sentiment" and "passion".Whether it is passion or desire depends on a person's point of view.Whether it is passion or desire, it is a stable and complex organization of emotional life.When viewed as "feeling", it is a relatively rational, elegant and discreet state of mind.When "desire" is seen, it is a complex of powerful emotions.The so-called "desire", according to the definition of the British psychologist AFShand, is "an organized system of emotions and desires", in other words, it is not just an emotional system, but in any desire In the process of mobilization, sooner or later, a set of automatic control methods will be produced to adjust the size of desire, and the adjustment can always be more or less effective. As for how this set of methods works and what mechanism it uses, we don’t care for now.Because the reason why love is a desire is systematic and governed by a unified principle, we can regard it as having the following characteristics: "It is stable or stable, regulated. It is full of implicit , and there is an inner and deep rationality in it.” However, what I said is just talking about the reason why love is a psychological state in the human body, and also talking about it outside the body, or taking into account its normal development. The basic condition of being in love (also as Gibson puts it) is "the feeling of pleasure gained from the object".Having said this, we find the path most in need of attention in our discussion.Although this kind of happy feeling is not necessarily all happy, it is also mixed with unavoidable pain, and even leads to a lot of possible sadness. These kinds of emotions are originally mixed together by cooperating with each other of.However, only the elements of pain and sorrow exist at the same time. The reason why love is a desire for pleasure is more powerful, more firm and eternal.It is precisely because love is so complicated and so rich that it can become the leader of the six desires and the leader of the seven emotions.We praise love in this way, it is by no means an obscene phrase or a bad tone, but it has a special and solemn meaning. Although we admire love in this way, we have not yet been able to fully develop its meaning.Love actually has a greater value than this.The so-called "Führer of Lust" may be nothing more than a magnified solipsism, a solipsism involving two people, which is what the French call egoisme a deux. One point, after all, is not necessarily more noble, more elegant.According to what we have learned in the previous article, love can also be said to be a source of generating power, and two men and women in love are the institutions that generate this power.In this way, if the power from both parties is completely wasted on each other, isn't this a waste of time?Love is originally two very luxurious things that can increase the value of life, but if the giving and receiving of love is limited to two people, the scope is inevitably too narrow.Those who are ambitious and want to improve their living standards feel that it is not worthy of being the central ideal of life. Russell once said these words, and I think they are quite right.Apart from two people, love must have a greater purpose, to take care of the world beyond the two, to imagine the future after decades of life, to go beyond reality to an ideal realm, perhaps this ideal will never exist. A day when it is fully realized, but we firmly believe that every point added to the power of love is one point closer to the realization of this ideal. "Love must be connected with this kind of infinite purpose, so that it can fully express the greatest solemnity and deepest meaning it may have." What we are going to discuss now is only the half of the so-called love due to the basic conditions of exposure.We have seen that this exposed condition is also admitted by Taoists: although they will deliberately ignore its details because of Taoist prejudices, they always accept it in general.This condition is the "feeling of pleasure obtained from the object of love" (ioy in its obect) mentioned above.Having said that, we also talked about why love is an art. Not so long ago, the art of falling in love found no place in the books of psychology and ethics.Only in poetry can we find some art of love, and even poets generally admit that although they talk about this art, they also think it is an art that is not legal and taboo, so talk about it. .He was content to be allowed to talk, but he did not feel that it should be talked or worth talking about. Before the fifteenth century, many poems about the art of love by the Roman poet Ovid were written in this state of mind.And this kind of poetry, some people think it is really in line with the principle of art, and praise it; some people think it is obscene and curse it.This has always been the case in the Christianized European and American countries in modern times.The general attitude always thinks that sex is at best a duty of life, a duty of helplessness.Therefore, discussing it in front of everyone, or depicting it in literature and art, is improper, uncrowning, and even immoral.Some people have said that as far as modern times are concerned, the germination of the art of love was not discovered until France in the twelfth century, but as an art, it has always been illegal and can only be developed in secret. Today, the situation has changed.The view that regards love as art has gradually been recognized by ordinary people.This view, they feel, is right after all, and is not far behind in its acceptance and assertion by moralists and ethics.They admit that the concept of responsibility alone is no longer enough to be a driving force to maintain the marriage relationship forever. We can use artistic methods to develop the foundation of love and increase the motivation of mutual admiration and mutual love between husband and wife to more than one. That is tantamount to further consolidating the foundation of marriage and further stabilizing the moral status of marriage.We do not intend to specifically discuss the morality of marriage in this section, but we fully recognize the views and requirements of this kind of morality. The first attempts at admitting that falling in love is an art are quite early, and we have some clues at the beginning of modern civilization.Paley, a senior master in the field of surgical medicine in France, taught couples to have a lot of love-play before the handover as a preparation.More recently, German Fulbringer, in his book Discussing Sexual Hygiene in Marriage, believes that anyone who is a doctor should have sufficient knowledge and knowledge, and can explain the methods and techniques of sexual intercourse to those who seek him. .Returning again to France, which is especially connected with the early development of erotic art. In 1859, the doctor Juyue published a book "Experimental Love Series" (Breviaire de l'Amour Experimental), which introduced the main points of erotic art very precisely. It took more than 70 years (1931) before this book was translated into English, and the title was changed to "A Ritual for Married Lovers" (A Ritual for Married Lovers). Speaking of this, we recall the various characteristics of women's sexual impulses, as well as the phenomenon of weak performance or cold sexual interest that often occurs in women's sexual life.Only with these characteristics and imperfect expressions of female nature can the art of love be encouraged to develop, and it is self-evident why the phenomenon of courtship tends to become an art in the whole animal kingdom. up. As we have mentioned before, a woman's ruthless sexual taste can create a gap between families, and the wife suffers because of it, and the husband is disappointed because of it, or he is finally forced to seek development outside of marriage.In such cases the lack is either desire or pleasure in intercourse, often both; and in either case the art of love is required to remedy it. Sexual intercourse, including rudimentary sexual play, is originally a biological activity; in this activity, the female normally plays a relatively passive part, and in civilized women, this relative passive position is not only limited by natural Driven, and restricted by customs, it will inevitably become more and more severe.It is indeed a major fact in nature that masculinity is rigid and active, while feminine is soft and passive. The theory of yin and yang, rigidity and softness, has its value as long as it is not too obtrusive and arbitrary.This dualistic distinction is very basic, and the psychological differences between men and women are derived from this.This is an undeniable fact, and it is also a fact that modern people are most likely to forget. Lubrien said well that the sexual tension between the two sexes is both opposite and complementary. Feelings and reactions can't be the same.The response of the excitable penis is rapid push, constant activity, aggressive and domineering activity, etc., while the response of the sensitive vagina is relatively quiet tolerance, passive taming, etc.In other words, here we can find the different essences of the so-called "male" and "female".However, Brian also reminded us that before we reach this stage of yin, yang, and yang, that is, in the earlier stage of courtship, the status of so-called dynamism is somewhat reversed, that is, the opposite of yang. Somewhat docile and submissive, while Yin's reaction is somewhat active and domineering.Women's sexual nerve centers are larger in number and looser in distribution.Therefore, the expulsion, evacuation and satisfaction of sexual impulses are often easy to find "many ways that are relatively unrelated to the subconscious world, and at the same time, various traditional concepts that regard sexual things as dirty and sexual acts as sins also It is easy to have an effect on a woman, so that she can suppress her sexual impulse. Because of this, since ancient times, compared with a man's sexual impulse, a woman's sexual impulse is easier to be reprimanded to the lower level of consciousness. Find a way out from irrelevant and subconscious channels. The success of Freud's theory is because he can grasp this layer of significant facts. However, although women have these undeniable sexual characteristics However, we cannot suspect from them that women have a natural tendency to be lonely and ruthless. We know that women with ruthless tastes are not easy to find in living environments that are not contrary to nature. That is, in civilized society. In the poor class, the speakers all think that "spinsters" are the only exception to the maids who are a part of it. Their living conditions are very unnatural, like many livestock. This aspect, although it cannot prove that the nature of women is not inherently irrelevant. Defects, at least, may hint at this. But it is different with civilized woman. Under the combined influence of nature, art, custom, morality and religion, when she comes into the hands of her husband through marriage, She is often already a person who is nearly half-aged (the original text is a person in the second half of adulthood), and is not suitable for sexual intercourse. Therefore, unless the husband is particularly artistically prepared and temperamentally considerate Tenderness. Otherwise, the privacy of the bed is only enough to cause her pain, disgust, or just a kind of reaction to her. Of course, women themselves may also have various unhealthy states, and some of them must be treated or corrected in advance.Early automatism or homosexuality can often make a woman disgusted with normal sexual intercourse, which is regarded as daunting.It is true that there can be many difficulties at the time of sexual intercourse.Maybe the sexual organs are not normal, but the years of being a virgin have unavoidably increased the degree of abnormality, or there may be an excessive contraction of the vaginal opening (vaginismus).In such cases, the help of a gynecologist is indispensable, and after the diagnosis and treatment, the natural sexual feeling may develop quickly and satisfactorily, and it is not difficult to reach the state of hyperactivity during coitus.In general, the main responsibility for treating a wife's erogenousness usually always falls on the husband.What is considered is that husbands do not necessarily have this kind of preparation.We are very afraid that the famous French novelist Balzac (Balzac) has a murderous statement that is still too true to the truth.He said: In this matter, a husband is like an orangutan playing the violin!The violin can never be tuned, it always seems to be "lack of feeling".But maybe it's not the fiddle's fault.This is not to say that the husband is consciously or deliberately reckless.As a husband, if you are too ignorant, you are too "the way to be a husband" A great deal of recklessness is, of course, possible, motivated by a sense of duty.However, although the husband is an amateur, he has never really wanted to be considerate of his wife.The saddest thing is that, as far as most of the cases are concerned, the husband is so amateurish and clumsy because he is a man of integrity and a young man with lofty ideals.Before he got married, his life was so pure and pure that he hardly knew that there was another animal in the world called women, let alone women's nature and physical and mental needs of women. Of course we have to admit that the happiest marriages, the marriages that can grow old together and remain faithful all the time, are sometimes concluded by such two pure and innocent young people;But this kind of pure and pure attitude and behavior can be compared to a knife with cuts on both sides. It is beneficial for the operator to use the cut on one side, but it is harmful to use the other side. Generally speaking, the person who performs the knife often uses the wrong opening.Therefore, a young man brought up under the old religious and moral concepts, the more "innocent" and "pure" before marriage, once married, he will suddenly find that this "innocence and purity" is the way to crush him. The only rock in his married life and family life, he hurt himself and his wife.But there are two sides to the story. Compared with such a "naive" young man, a young man who was only able to hunt for sex before marriage is equally inappropriate in preparation. It is unavoidable to treat wives in the same way as prostitutes, and "naive" young people lose too much concern for their wives' "purity". We have to admit that the so-called husband's responsibilities are often not easy to fulfill.The tendency of modern times to marry late, especially among women, makes it difficult for a husband to fulfill this responsibility.In the state of modern civilization, a woman lives for many years before she marries in a life which we cannot but presume to be relatively chaste, and we cannot but presume that during these many years her sexual vigor , After the elephant is issued in general, there must be some way out, some way to consume.And while she is looking for a way out, she has formed habits that are more indestructible and nests that are more inescapable.Her whole nervous system has always been subjected to a certain discipline, and has become more or less hardened.As far as her sexual constitution is concerned, her organs have lost some of their original plasticity, so that it is not easy to respond normally to the requirements of natural functions.Many people know that it is often difficult for women who marry late to give birth for the first time.However, late married people also have many difficulties in their first sexual intercourse, and these two types of difficulties are parallel to each other and come from the same source, but few people fully understand it.Many people think that the first half of adolescence is not suitable for marriage and sexual intercourse, and that sexual intercourse during this period is tantamount to rape for women; this view is really a mistake.In fact, the truth is just the opposite. All the facts can prove that a girl in adolescence is much easier to appreciate the first experience of sexual intercourse than a grown woman.It must be known that the first sexual intercourse experience must be delayed as it is at present. All the reasons are only based on the traditional concepts of civilized society and have no basis in biological facts.In the process of animal evolution, the maturity period has a tendency to slow down more and more. Of course, this trend also has its meaning, but we should know that what is slowed down in the evolution process is the age of spring germination, Rather than the first sexual intercourse after the germination of sexual desire, and the germination of sexual desire in humans is already slow enough.The demands of civilized society compel us to postpone the initiation of sexual intercourse as far back as possible, but if we submit to this compulsion, we will inevitably bring on a lot of trouble for ourselves.Conversely, if we want to get rid of this trouble, it is even more necessary to turn to the art of sex. In short, if we want to regulate the sex life of men, we must also consider women's aspects, which is an obvious reason.It is more obvious, but at the same time it has to be added that if we want to understand the psychological life of women's sexuality, we must also take into account the male side. Women's sex life is mostly restricted and regulated by men's sex life. This is what we must understand first, and there is more than one reason why we must understand it.We have roughly mentioned these reasons above, but the art of sex has its special significance in terms of sexual psychology, so we might as well discuss it again.First, we want to mention again the principles of yang moving and yin being quiet, yang giving and yin receiving.It is often said, and with some reasons, that women are in a superior and dominant position when it comes to sex, and men are just a plaything in her hands.Having said that, the basic truth is not so.At best we can say that, with regard to the higher animal kingdom to which we and most living beings belong, the masculine is always more active, and the feminine is always more passive.Anatomically as well as physiologically, the masculine is the giver and the feminine the receiver.And the relationship in psychology can't but reflect this basic difference. Although in various special cases and in many different details, the natural principle of yang giving yin and receiving is naturally regulated, there can be some exceptions, but in general above is not affected. Second, regardless of the natural male-female relationship, all traditional concepts of male-female relationship have also been based on this principle throughout history, even since prehistoric times.我们承认，在性关系的树立上，男人占的是一个优越与支配的地位；我们更从而假定，在这方面，女人主要的功能，以至于惟一的功能，是生男育女，任何性爱的表示，要有的话，多少是属于不合法不冠冕的一些串戏性质，没有正规的地位的。我们的若干社会制度也就建立在这条原则与这种假定上，演变出来，建立起来：即如婚姻制度，我们一面承认家庭中丈夫有法定的家主的地位，而太太则不负法律的责任，即妻子对丈夫负责，而不对社会负责；一面又于婚姻以外，承认娼妓的存在，以为只有男子有此需要，而女人则否。我们知道这些都是过火的，不全合事理的；幸而近代的社会舆论与国家法律已在这方面有些变迁。不过我们也应当知道，古代传下来的制度，尤其是这种制度在我们身上所已养成的种种情绪与观念，要加以改正，是需要相当的时间的，决非朝夕之间即可以收效。我们当前正生活在一个过渡时代之中，即在过渡的时代里，世界的变迁要比较快，我们依然不免很深刻地受到已往的影响。 还有很值得考虑的一点，这一点和上文的两点也有些渊源，不过和女人方面的心理生活的领域更有密切的关系，这就是羞涩的心理。羞涩的心理有两部分：一部分可以叫做自然的羞涩，那多少是和其他的高等动物共通的；第二部分是人为的羞涩，那一半就建构在社会习尚上面，而是不难加以修改的。世问也有怕羞的男人，但羞涩终究是女人的一种特殊的品性，这其间详细的情形以及种种例外的事实，不在本段的讨论范围以内（参看上文第二章第三节未段），不能具论。 不过就大体而言，羞涩的品性是女人心理的一大事实，不容怀疑的，它和一般阴性动物在性活动之际所表示的柔顺驯服的性格有极密切的先天关系，而和社会的习俗又有不少的后天关系，并且此种先天的关系，因后天的关系而越发现得牢不可破。不过前面说过，后天的关系是可以修改的，至于可以修改到什么程度，晚近的裸体运动很可以证明，裸体运动的会社近来一大多似一天，而男女成员可以完全以裸体相见而不露丝毫的窘态。就一般的情形而言，这种后天关系的修改是不大容易的，传统的种种习惯，近来虽已发生不少变迁，但显著的效果也还有限。 不但有限，并且暂时还有一种不良的趋势，就是在女人的意识上，引起一种不和谐的局面。意识包括两方面，一是体内的感觉，二是身外的表现。今日的女人对于自身内在的性的感觉欲望，已经有自由认识的权利，但要在身外表示这些感觉与欲望，她就往往没有这种自由了。结果是，现代的女人之中，十有七八知道她们要些什么，但同时也知道，如果她们把这种需要老实他说出来，势必至于教对方的男人发生误会，以至令男人作呕：因而把男人拒于千里之外。这样，我们的话就又得说回来。我们的先决条件是必须开导男人，让男人了解女人的需要。这样，我们就又回到了男人的身上。