Chapter 19 -2

It is the discussion of these two or three points that can be enough to remind us that there are actually two areas of sexual life that we know women should have, and these two are in conflict with each other.The first is that the ideal of women's sexual life is extremely old, as old as our civilization, arguably, that women's sexual life should be centered on maternity, a central fact that no one can Denied; but the ideal also says that apart from this central fact, the rest of the field of sexual life should be in the hands of men; except for the fulfillment of her motherhood, women have no sexual impulses, and even if they do, they are equal to zero Therefore, women are single-marriage, monogamous, and monogamous by nature, while men don’t need to stay in the family and have less burden of raising children, so the range of variation in psychological character is relatively large. The tendency of marriage will naturally lead to polygamy. Therefore, women's sexual problems are simple and obvious, while men are much more complicated. Such a concept of women's sexual field, we can almost arbitrarily judge He said that it is considered natural, healthy, and not easy to dispute since the ancient times and the latest modern people. As for whether it is consistent with the exact facts, that is obviously another question. Less than a hundred years Recently, the British surgeon Acton (Acton) wrote a book on sexual issues. He said that if we believe that women also have sexual feelings, it is a malicious act of "spraying people with blood", while This book is the only standard and authoritative work on the subject of sex before the end of the nineteenth century! In another standard medical book during the same period, we find it written that only "lewd women" When they have sexual intercourse with their husbands, they will make gestures out of pleasure! And such absurd remarks are accepted by ordinary people.

By now, another idea of ​​a woman's sexual life is developing.We may admit that this new concept is relatively sound, partly because it echoes with the concept of gender balance, and partly because it is more consistent with natural facts.In today's circumstances, even outside the sphere of sexual life, our ideas about the differences between men and women are not as firm as they used to be.We admit that there are very basic differences between the sexes, and their details are too numerous to account for, but these differences are only very subtle and vague differences.Generally speaking, since both men and women are human beings, they have their own common nature. In other words, human nature is one, not two.Both men and women have the common nature of being human, and they also have the tendency of various variations of this common nature.Between the sexes, the tendencies of variation are different, but they will never affect the integrity of the generality.

We have repeatedly mentioned the cliché that men are naturally polygamous and women are naturally single. We have also discussed how much truth and how much of this cliché is true.In any case, we should admit a basic fact, that is, as far as the natural difference between men and women is concerned, the same act of sexual intercourse has an immeasurably greater influence and responsibility on women than on men. More or less, therefore, women are by nature much more deliberate and slower than men in choosing a mate.This difference has been evident since the existence of higher animals.But there are exceptions.There are also a small number of women in the world. On the one hand, they are not interested in maternity at all, but on the other hand, like ordinary men, they can have sex with many different men anytime and anywhere; The mentality of moving and changing and changing from time to time is basically the same as that of men.Therefore, assuming that there is a so-called love triangle incident, one woman dealing with two men is not only as good at dealing with two men as one man dealing with two women, but sometimes it is more versatile and more than sufficient.In short, it is a long-standing habit to regard men and women as two completely different kinds of people, and there is a very deep gap between them, a very solid wall of iron and steel, and it has not been completely corrected so far.A woman is born of a father like her brother.Therefore, although there are countless differences in details between males and females, what they inherit from each other is always the basic commonality of human beings.

The estrangement between men and women, so that it becomes a situation of confrontation and confrontation, is less due to natural differences, but more due to different concepts formed in different times and regions.In today's transitional age, we are witnessing this kind of infighting caused by different ideas or different ideals. After reading our previous discussion, we know what we know about the actual situation of women's sexual life. Why do we have to find a relatively large amount of carefully reviewed and systematically counted data?What is the general sex life of women? How about a normal woman?What about women of different classes or groups?How is it compared to men?The answers to this kind of questions are not based on carefully reviewed and statistical data.It is just a general and arbitrary statement, even if it is well-founded and reasonable, even if it is vividly described, it is useless.Psychoanalysts and other writers have often been able to supply accounts of this kind, and such accounts are inevitably governed by doctrinal prejudices and are always more or less persuasive.Even if it is not the case, all its grounds are inevitably the experience of a few special examples of men and women, which cannot actually be used as a basis for general conclusions.Fortunately, these are things that are gradually passing by now, and in fact we don't need to rely on them anymore.Objective survey and statistical data were only available recently, but luckily they were not a few years later, otherwise we would not be able to use them today.We have repeatedly cited the conclusions of three male and female doctors, Davis, Dickinson, and Hamilton, and we still have to rely on them now.

As mentioned earlier, in the field of sexual life, women seem to be more passive. Does this imply that there are fundamental differences between men and women in terms of physical sexual requirements and psychological sexual emotions?To test this we have a convenient yardstick, namely, the relative difference in the frequency of automatistic manifestations of the sexual impulse between men and women.Hamilton, Davis, and Dickinson have all discussed this point at length.Why can the performance of automatic love and its frequency be used as a measure?In general, whenever there is a manifestation of automatism, no matter whether the person expressing it is a man or a woman, we have reason to infer that there is always an active sexual desire behind it.It is true that sexual desire can be restrained rather than expressed, but as long as some manifestations occur, we can even draw this inference.Of course, the numbers provided by the three doctors are not the same, because the two methods of inquiry are not exactly the same, and when they ask for answers, the recruited people have the freedom to answer and answer, and there is no obligation to answer. .Therefore, some questions were skipped.It is said that this kind of skipping temper is stronger in women than in men.If women really have this kind of temper, then of course any answer that frankly admits to having active automatism is particularly meaningful, and the more such answers there are, the more meaningful it is, which is what we have already seen in Chapter Three. have been explained.According to Dickinson's findings, 70 per cent of women, generally belonging to various classes, experience sexual demands of sufficient force to cause them to frequently resort to automatism or masturbation as a means of relief.Dr. Davis, among 1000 unmarried female college students, found that 65% of the respondents (skip the unanswered ones are not counted) admitted that they had masturbation activities, and half of them admitted that they had not given up when they answered This habit, and the health of "the best or the best" among these women who have not given up the habit of masturbation, are much more numerous than those who have given up the habit of masturbation, or have never had it; For the health of the sex drive is a sign of general physical and mental health.What Hamilton studied were all married women with above-average status and talents, and among them, only 26% solemnly declared that they had never masturbated since childhood; It has been observed before), that is, the beginning of the habit of masturbation in women is always after childhood, and the age of initiation is generally later than that of men.For example, only 1% of men started masturbating after the age of 25, while women accounted for 6%.In addition, there are many interesting discoveries in Han's observations.Some masturbation habits are induced by others, and some are discovered automatically, but compared with the two, there are many more examples of automatic discovery, regardless of men and women.It is often assumed that the beginning of this habit is largely due to the temptation of others, which shows that it is not correct.Another point is also very meaningful. After marriage, although only 17% of men give up the habit of masturbation, and 42% of women, but after marriage, the number of women who still masturbate and "repeatedly" does it. It is almost equal to that of men, and among all the women who still masturbate after marriage, they account for almost half; There are far more women.This layer seems to tell us that most married men masturbate because of traveling or other external reasons, while married women masturbate mostly because of unsatisfactory bed life.It is also worth noting that far more men than women believe that the habit of masturbation has an adverse effect on physical and mental health.

Of the three writers, only Hamilton has addressed directly the relative satisfaction of bedtime life experienced by married couples.Because there are couples in his research objects, and the number is equal, the status is equal, and they can be compared, and the investigation method is exactly the same.He divided the level of satisfaction into 14 categories, and after sorting out the various levels into a table, he found that 51% of the husbands could reach the level of high satisfaction in the seventh category, while only 45% of the wives.In other words, marital disappointment is more pronounced on the part of wives than on husbands as a whole.Although Dr. Davis did not directly compare this point, she can also confirm it from the sidelines, because the wives she studied mentioned in their answers that they were satisfied with their marriage. Most of them were their husbands, while they themselves were more satisfied. few.Although the author's own observations on marriages in the United Kingdom and the United States are not as rigorous as those of the Han and Dai families, they can still echo them successively.In short, although the difference in the degree of satisfaction expressed by the couple is not necessarily large, it can be clearly seen.

Women do not have any special sexual psychology that is completely different from men, and this level is becoming more and more obvious. Saying that women have a special sexual psychology is a concept thought up by monks and ascetics, but it has been popular for a long time since it became a concept, and it is only now being gradually dispelled.There are differences, and there never will be.Between men and women, as long as there is a difference in structure and physiology, the psychology will also be different.However, the differences in the psychological aspect are not substantive differences after all.We have now seen that, as far as the basic elements are concerned, the sexual components of men and women are the same, and there is only one source. However, the old concept of some people in the West thinks that this will inevitably "damage the dignity of women", which is just figment of the truth. Views are unacceptable.

We have also seen that in the sexual situation, women suffer more than men. The main reason for this is of course that the previous knowledge is insufficient and the traditional concepts are profound.Although part of the old concept thinks that the marriage system is created by men for the happiness of women, in fact, in this system, women suffer more than men, and women get less satisfaction than men. Impressively, the evidence from more refined gynecological medicine also points to such a conclusion.For example, among the 1,000 married women studied, Dickinson found that 175 had a "dyspareunia" phenomenon, that is, they would feel pain and discomfort during sexual intercourse, while for the other 120 women, During sexual intercourse, there is always a bit of frigidity or lack of performance, and these are in fact no different from sexual unhappiness. As far as the husband is concerned, these two situations do not exist at all, and the only thing that can be compared The so-called sexual impotence, that is, impotence, is a completely negative state, and it is really not suitable to be compared. In short, in terms of this aspect, the position of women has a relatively serious disadvantage.

How much of this disadvantage of women is natural, and how much is brewed by the acquired environment, so it can be controlled and remedied?There are probably both ingredients.In other words, to achieve sufficient physical and mental adjustment or development in sexual intercourse, under normal circumstances, it is relatively difficult for women, while it is relatively easy for men.That is, of course, a natural disadvantage, but one that can be corrected more or less by natural means.Unfortunately, our problem at present is that such partial nature-based disadvantages have been felt to some extent in the previous history of mankind, but never seem to be so severe as in recent times.Dr. Davis, when relaying the experiences of the married women she studied, mentioned that one of them had asked bitterly: "Why don't husbands get a little more education in this area? As for these experiences What, we can understand from part of the answers of the married women. Dr. Dai asked everyone how they reacted to the first night of marriage, and they gave short answers: "I couldn't help laughing", "Poor and ridiculous", "Very surprised", "Full of Bewildered", "a disappointment", "horrified", "resentment mixed", "resigned to fate", "at a loss", "stuck" and so on. At the same time, there are 173 examples that seem to be very sophisticated and admit that this is Such a thing.” Of course, most of the women who gave this kind of answer were before marriage. They had little understanding of the meaning of marriage and what medicine was in the gourd of marriage. This kind of panic reaction is inevitable. In this way, our discussion seems to come to an end, but in fact we are back to the beginning.

In the past, it can be said that there was an adaptation between a woman and her sexual situation, at least a superficial adaptation was not lacking, because before a woman got married, she had a close relationship with what should happen in the local life It can also be said that this relatively close relationship will continue to give her some training, let her know in advance, let her predict what medicine may be in the gourd of marriage, and she will also be there on the spot. It can be found that the prediction is generally good.In more recent times, they either had no training at all, or they were trained to the point that they were wrong. The results of the training could also teach her what medicine is in the gourd of predicting marriage in advance, but on the spot she would find that this was not the case at all. thing.In other words, since modern times, women's status and every field of women's activities have quietly undergone a revolution. Although the result has no direct impact on sexual impulse, it has an indirect Influences that are involved, that are involved, are everywhere, in every direction.At the same time, there has been no comparable revolution in the status and activities of men, and the men of today are the men of fifty, sixty, seventy or eighty years ago.The result, of course, is an inevitable maladaptive situation.The effects of the women's movement or the women's revolution, which we neither can nor want to do away with, will have to rest largely on men for the correction of the sexual situation which is at present out of place.We must have a new husband for a new wife.

Everything in life is art, the author has said this more than once before.However, there are also some people who do not recognize this sentence.The author thinks that these people have misunderstood. They confuse art and aesthetic sensibility, but they are actually two different things.All creations and all behaviors have the nature of art, not only in the conscious activities of human beings, but also in the unconscious activities of nature.Saying that life is art is actually just a cliché, and it is not a very high-level argument. If it is not because people often take it as a hypocritical counter-tune or admit it in words but ignore it in action, we don’t need to mention it in particular. . As far as the current situation is concerned, maybe it is also because most of the people who do not match their words and deeds with such hypocrisy, we cannot help but say that if life is art, most of it is not beautiful art, but ugly art. When we say that life is largely an ugly art, we mean life in general, but when it comes to the erotic realm of life, we seem even more tempted to say so.It is often heard that between the two sexes, it is the masculine rather than the feminine that can express or reveal artistic impulses in nature.This is true, and it is true of many species in the animal kingdom (we need only think of birds to understand), but as far as modern men are concerned in the erotic field, Hamilton, Davis, Considering all the facts presented by Dickinson's three doctors, such a general conclusion is not easy to reach.This is an unfortunate situation, because the phenomenon of being in love, taken as the spiritual aspect of the sexual relationship, is practically life.It is life, at least the gesture of life, without which, at least as far as we are concerned, life would cease to exist.We have now seen clearly the reasons why the art of loving has been reproached, neglected, and despised, and can be enumerated calmly.For example, religious, moral, spiritual, aesthetic, etc.In fact, the activities for these reasons do not have much basis, that is, there are many people based on stereotypes, but few people based on basic principles. We can see it very clearly now.Such an understanding, a view, is very important. This view is a necessary condition for us to improve the art of love in the future.We also know that this kind of view has gradually affected at present, even if it may not be completely consistent with the real facts and theories, it is still an improvement.Some people even claim, as an overcorrection, on the basis of this new point of view, that they want to regard sexual activity entirely as an ordinary, everyday activity, a necessary routine, like dressing. Like eating, or a kind of entertainment that can be enjoyed at any time, like dancing and playing ball, there is no need to think about it beforehand, nor do you need to think about it temporarily.They think that as long as they adopt such a view, all problems caused by sexual activities will not happen at all, let alone solved.Although such a proposition is an overcorrection, it is somewhat different from the previous ones, that is, if people in the past made such a claim, it was often out of a momentary mood, but today's people make this claim with considerable theoretical basis. .However, this claim is ultimately unsound.The British writer and critic Aldous Huxley has profound observations and comments on contemporary life styles. Based on the insights of the poet Robert Burns, he once said a very true sentence : "Indulgence without enthusiasm is the most terrible thing in the world. But if something like love can happen casually, the result must be indifference without enthusiasm." There is another layer that we have to explain, That is, even if we really reduce love to a routine or a casual pastime, not only can we not solve the problem of coordinating the relationship between the sexes, but it can be said to be very irrelevant.Not too long ago, we saw sexual intercourse as an obligation, regardless of whether there was any emotional or romantic element in it.That situation is certainly far from the proper healthy state, and now it is against nature to make sexual union a business, a kind of entertainment, and it is a distance from nature, which is in fact equally far away.From the civilized human beings down to the mammalian animal kingdom, the behavior of sexual intercourse, as far as the general state is concerned, there is always some hesitation and some resistance in advance, and this kind of hesitation and resistance should be eliminated. To make the act of union complete successfully, there must be sufficient enthusiasm and considerable art.If we want to deny this natural basic physiological fact, we must suffer, and the loss we suffer is not limited to one method. So far we have talked about the importance of the art of love in hygiene and therapy, and we have to add some explanations.In the past, such a statement was impossible, and even if it were said, no one could understand it.In the past, the so-called art of love can be put aside and kicked away, because the wife's sexual demands have never been cared about, while the husband's sexual demands are considered by many people to secretly find ways to satisfy them outside of marriage. .Today, though, our perceptions of both husband and wife have changed.Our current trend is to admit that wives and husbands have the same right to have sex.We are also gradually hoping that the so-called monogamy system will be revised in a real way, and it will no longer be as nameless as it used to be and is now.Therefore, today, the art of not paying attention to love is enough, otherwise it will inevitably involve another issue most closely, which is the cultivation of single marriage or monogamy.For, apart from monogamy, the institution of marriage is practically impracticable and unsustainable, and even in monogamy, the maintenance of married life is difficult enough. The art of loving, in its most delicate and indistinct expression, is the result of the most intimate harmony of the personalities of a man and a woman.But in its general superficiality, this art has never been an extension of ordinary hygiene, that is to say, a part of the physician's sphere of work. In other words, if ordinary married life produces difficult problems or encounters difficult situations, there is a good reason to seek advice from a doctor.” At present, some people who advocate sexual hygiene often ignore this point, but the author believes that this The attitude of neglect cannot be maintained after all, and in fact it is already changing there very quickly. Now that we have arrived, we can no longer say that the knowledge of courtship and sexual intercourse is given by heaven, it is dictated by heaven, and it is a part of conscience and ability, so there is no need to teach it.A few years ago, the famous British doctor Beget said: At least in a civilized state, this kind of knowledge is to be given and received.We might as well add: even in less civilized nations, this kind of giving and receiving is actually the same need. In these nations, when young men and women reach a certain age, they need to hold a very grand adult ceremony, and sexual intercourse knowledge Training becomes part of this ritual.There is another layer that many people don't pay much attention to but is worth mentioning, that is, the environment in which these ethnic groups live is relatively natural, and they are often at a loss for various preparation steps before sexual intercourse, and the variety of sexual intercourse methods is also a problem. relatively common phenomenon.These references are very important.Preparations for courtship or intercourse must take up some extra time. Because, in terms of physiology, if there is not much time, the accumulation of desire will be insufficient. As mentioned earlier, the so-called process of desire accumulation needs sufficient time.On the psychological side, if there is not much time, some spiritual elements in love cannot be fully developed, and the real married life will lose its support, so it cannot last for a long time.It must be admitted that there are many different ways of sexual intercourse. Although there are many different ways, they should not exceed the range of variation of ordinary human nature. In other words, there is nothing abnormal about them. .Moreover, it must be admitted that changes in these methods are also necessary, because for some people or at certain times, one method is more suitable and more satisfying than another.It sometimes takes many years for newlyweds to discover that only under certain circumstances and in a certain way can sexual intercourse produce pleasure, or as far as the wife alone is concerned, even if there is no pleasure, it can at least minimize the unpleasant feeling limit.If these two layers, that is, the preparation for courtship before coitus and the change and choice of coitus, can be paid enough attention to, I think most of the so-called weak sex or sexual interest in women can be cured without medicine. All the things mentioned above, we are now gradually understanding, are what a wise doctor has to ask. We should know that even as far as conception is concerned, the woman's sexual satisfaction has never been a part of the condition, because the position of woman, at least as far as conception is concerned, is by no means completely passive.Matthews Duncan, a well-known British gynecologist among predecessors, believed that in order to ensure pregnancy, women's sexual pleasure is indispensable. Later, other experts such as Kisch (Kisch) once confirmed this view.We believe that the presence or absence of pleasure during sexual intercourse may not be an indispensable condition for pregnancy, because a large number of babies in the world are conceived, and most of them are not related to the presence or absence of this pleasure.In other words, there are so few women who enjoy sexual intercourse and so many babies are conceived that there is no great correlation between the two.But Kirsch also found a strong correlation between sexual displeasure (which Kirsch believed was the same as sexual dissatisfaction) and female infertility.He found that 38% of infertile women had this symptom, but what Kee mentioned was only a part of the data, as to whether this is the case in general, or whether the general degree of correlation is so high, he did not discuss it. The so-called preparatory work for courtship does not refer to, at least not just, the period before marriage, but a natural and necessary prerequisite before every sexual intercourse.This is the simplest and most basic fact in the art of love, which has been mentioned before.It is mostly a man's business to start a courtship. If he feels that the time is quite ripe from his observations, he may wish to suggest (he must observe his words, whether the time is ripe or not, a woman will never tell him).The suggestion is that he is of course the one who always takes the initiative before and after the handover.However, if women also show some active tendencies, there is nothing abnormal in it, because if women are 100% passive, the art of love is impossible to talk about. On a purely physical side, the preparations for courtship, that is, some erotic games, immediately arouse in the woman a pleasant emotion, which in turn stimulates the secretion of the glands in the genital area, until this secretion is considerable. Sexual intercourse can only be started when the reproductive organs are in an infiltrated state, otherwise forced intercourse is unpleasant and even has many difficulties.Sometimes, because of the lack of secretion, it cannot be replaced by greasy oil or the like.But if the preparation is sufficient, this substitute should not be needed. Although the above-mentioned things are often ignored in civilized societies, they are clearly understood in the so-called less "progressive" nations.For example, among the Malays in New Guinea, it is said that the choice of a spouse is very free (but it must not violate the boundaries of totem and blood relationship), and men and women can live together for several months before mentioning the conclusion of marriage.In several places, there is a popular custom that young men and women can lie down together, and the man can hold the woman in his arms, and at the same time fondle the upper body of the child.Under such circumstances, sexual intercourse rarely occurs.But if it happens, then this pair of men and women will discuss marriage and become a couple.Customs of this kind take into account at least some of the basic principles of the art of love. In the process of preparing for courtship before sexual intercourse, there is another very natural and necessary point, that is, to stimulate the woman's clitoris by touching, squeezing or rubbing, because the clitoris is always a female clitoris. The main meeting point of sexual sensation.Some psychoanalysts believe that the reason why the clitoris is such a sink is limited to the first few years of female sexual development. Once in adulthood, the normal situation is that this sink will be transferred from the clitoris to the vagina, and the fact is also Often.I don't know where this kind of view comes from. Whenever people of this school create more opinions behind closed doors, the author thinks that if they have some real knowledge and discretion about the physical and mental structure of women, this kind of view can be easily eliminated.The clitoris is the normal point of rendezvous for the sexual sensations, at first and not later, and often not only the main but the only one.When a woman reaches adulthood, it is natural for the vagina to become a center of sexual pleasure after the establishment of sexual intercourse, but there is no "transfer" in the meantime. Dickinson said with the authority of a gynecological expert: "For a large number of women, it is only after pressure is felt on the clitoris that hyperactivity is achieved during coitus, and this is perfectly normal." When it comes to the way or posture of sexual intercourse, some people think that there is only one normal and reasonable posture, that is, a woman lying on her face, and any other posture is unnatural, or even "evil" and "sinful". a mistake.The most popular habits of a certain era or a certain nation in human history may not necessarily become the universal teacher.The oldest depiction of human beings having sex was found in the Dordogne region of southwestern France.It belongs to a cultural period of the Paleolithic Age, the so-called Solu trian Age.In this picture, the man is lying on the flat surface, while the woman is in a crouching position.As far as the status quo is concerned, different nationalities have different habits or fashions for sexual intercourse positions, and most of the same nationalities adopt more than one position.Recently, the American doctor Fan.Germany.When Ferd talked about the sex life of Europeans, he said that most husbands don't know the monotony of bed life.If we know, this monotonous life can be relieved by a change of posture, and the change of posture does not go beyond the normal range of variation. It's a pity that most of them don't understand this at all, or even though they know it is possible, they think that only "obscene" people are willing to do it, and he himself disdains it. In fact, a little more could have been said.For many cases, the problem can be solved by simply selecting one posture, but for others, the problem is more serious.As far as some women are concerned, there are several postures, even including the most common postures, which are not easy to adopt at all, or they can feel extremely uncomfortable if they are reluctantly adopted, while a more peculiar posture is more comfortable. Easy, on the contrary can provide more pleasure. When it comes to sexual relations in the broadest sense, we must also remember that all behaviors and methods that can increase satisfaction and relieve desire for both husband and wife are good, correct, and absolutely perfect. normal.The only exception is that as long as such behavior and manner do not cause physical and mental trauma. As far as people with sound mind and body are concerned, this kind of trauma will not happen naturally, so we don't have to worry about it.In addition to the usual handover, there are two main types of contact, one is female-to-man sucking yang, and the other is male-to-female cunnilingus.This kind of urge to suck is very natural. Even men and women who have never heard of human beings will often think of it automatically for no reason.The author finds that generally unsound and morally preoccupied people constantly ask whether this or that unusual form of sexual contact is harmful or a sin.For such people, such an approach can cause a nervous shock, and they think that at least "from an aesthetic" standpoint, this approach can make people sick for three days.But they seem to have forgotten this point, that is, how can the so-called most common and most recognized way of sexual intercourse be "beautiful"?They should understand that in the mysterious realm of love, especially after reaching the intimate realm of bed, all scientific and aesthetic sober and abstract viewpoints, unless there are other special human emotions active at the same time, are as a rule Those who no longer have status are also unworthy to have.Ordinarily stubborn and formalistic people, when it comes to sexuality, even though they have good intentions, they always feel that they don't understand enough.To them, we just gently remind them of an old saying that Shakespeare never tired of reading: "When love speaks, it has its own better knowledge, and when knowledge speaks, it is always full of better knowledge." Intimate love." We may wish to add some facts at this point.Hamilton surveyed 100 married women—all of whom could not but be assumed to be normal, healthy, and of good social status—and found that 13 had experienced cunnilingus or genital sucking, or both.In 13 examples, no adverse effects occurred.于是，汉氏很合理地作结论说：“无论何种性戏耍的方式，就心理的立场而言，是没有禁忌的。”同时，汉氏也说了一些保留的话，其中最重要的有两点：一是这种戏耍在身体上不引起什么创伤，二是在心理上下引起什么罪感。这都是很有意义的。汉氏也说到他在别处遇见过一些憨态可掬的例子，他们很天真烂漫地采用过这些所谓“作孽的”性接触方式，当时并不知道这些方式在许多人看来是如何的龌龊，如何的凶险，如何的不得了，“一旦忽然发现这许多人的看法，一番震惊之余，不免深自懊恼追悔，结果很快地促成了一些癫狂的症候”。即此一端，已足够使我们知道，当务之急是要让一般人，在这一类性的问题上，得到一些更开明见解。 狄更生，根据他多年的妇科经验，很贤明他说过，我们应当让每一个女人“叫以放心地了解，夫妇之间，床第之私，在高涨的热情弥漫充塞的时候，没有一件事是和精神恋爱的最高理想根本上不相称的。易言之，夫妇之际，一切相互的亲呢行为是没有不对的”。 在这样一本引论性质的书里，我们并没有讨论恋爱艺术的种种细节的必要。 不过在结论里，我们至少应当说明恋爱的艺术绝对不限于身体与生理的方面。即使我们把生理的方面搁置不论，或虽论而认为它只有一些间接的关系，即使就成婚已经二十年而性的生活已退居背景的例子而论，甚至即就根本不能有性生活的夫妇而论，恋爱的艺术依然不失为一种艺术，一种不容易的艺术。 夫夫妇妇之间，应当彼此承认个人的自由。生活理想尽管大致相似，其间脾气的不同、兴趣的互异，也应当彼此优容。彼此应当不断地体贴，应当坦白地承认自己的弱点与错误，同时也接受对方的错误与弱点，而下以为忤。嫉妒的心理是有先大自然的根据的；任何人不能完全避免，偶然的表现是一定有的，并且表现的方式也不一而足，这种表现在一方固然应当力求自制，在对方也应当充分宽恕。诸如此类问题的解决，尽管与狭义的性关系无干，也未始不是恋爱艺术的一部分，并且是很大的一部分，甚至可以说最大的一部分。并且，如有一分疏虞，不但夫妇的关系受影响，全部的人生艺术也就从此可以发生漏洞，成为种种悲哀愁苦的源泉。 总之，我们对夫妇的关系必需取一个更宽大的看法。否则，我们对构成此种关系之种种因素，使这种关系的意义更可以充分发挥出来的种种因素，便无法完全把握得住。一定要这些因素都有一个着落，个人的幸福才有真正的保障，而除了个人的卫生上的功用而外，社会的安全与秩序也就取得了深一层的意义。因为，婚姻的维持与巩固也就根本建筑在这些因素上。弗洛伊德在1908年时说：“要在性的题目与婚姻的题目上提出改革的方案来，那并下是医生应有的任务。”这种置身事外的看法现在是过去了，而弗氏自己后来也似乎看到这一点。于是，自从1908年以后，他在许多人生的大题目上，可以说一些含义再广没有的大题目上，下过不少思考，发过不少议论。时至今天，我们可以说，医生的任务决不在保留一部分人间的罪孽，为的是可以借题发挥，甚至可以于中取利。这种看法尽管和医术的原始的看法完全相反，但时代既大有不同，我们的观念也自不应故步自封，墨守成规。在医学的每一个部门里，医师和一般明白摄生之道的人的任务就在对人生的种种条件与情境，求得进一步的调整与适应，务使“罪孽”的发生越少越好，在我们目前所讨论的部门里，我们的任务更应如此，因为它和人生的关系要比任何其他部门更显密切，而其为祸为福，所关更是非同小可。所以，医生对于任何医学的部门虽应有充分的认识与运用充分的聪明智慧，而对于我们目前所注意的部门，尤其应当如此。