Chapter 8 Chapter 6 Challenge Negative Thinking and Emotion

We learned in previous chapters that when we are depressed, we feel down, weary, and we engage in negative thinking that can make our depression worse.Our minds seldom encourage us when we need to pick ourselves up, but constantly torment and chastise us.In this chapter, we will learn how to break the vicious cycle of depression.Please refer to the appendix (column 4 of the "Thought Control and Modification Chart"), we will soon learn how to use it - that is, how to challenge negative thinking. First of all, we must learn to empathize.Just like when we buy something (a house or a car), we like to have more choices, and so do our ideas.We need to try to change our thinking concept.Thoughts when depressed are tormenting, always trying to keep us from changing it.Depression is like Henry Ford, the car dealer, because he said, "You can have any color you like, as long as it's black." Depression makes us believe that what it tells us is objective truth, and in that it even has a little hubris .Depression is also keen to tell us what to do, what not to do, and how bad things are.But it’s just a part of our brain talking, and there are two things we can do to control it: persisting in rational questioning, empathy, and developing compassion for ourselves.

Save yourself with rational thinking To get out of depression, we need to encourage our rationality to work, but be aware that while empathy can go a long way in beating depression, it is not a panacea.Sometimes depressed people need others to help them recall forgotten events, face things they are afraid to face alone, empathize with their grief, help them develop a mature personality, and so on.sometimes.People are so depressed that they rely on drugs to open the door (or to help them sleep).However, when negative thinking attacks you, it pays off to know and control it.One way is to treat it rationally.Next, let us take a look at the characteristics and functions of rational thinking.

．Rational thinking focuses on evidence.It is like a scientist or a detective, treating thoughts and ideas as hypotheses that can be falsified.Rational thinking does not answer easily, just like Sherlock Holmes, before drawing conclusions, it carefully investigates, hoping to grasp more clues. ．Rational thinking likes multiple choices. It doesn't like only a few choices, but tends to look at problems from multiple perspectives. ．Rational minds love testing and validation. ．Rational thinking is unwilling to be influenced by emotions and jump to hasty conclusions. ．Rational thinking assumes that knowledge is cumulative, the more we know.Things get more complicated.This is the source of deepening our understanding of the problem.

．Rational thinking sees learning as a process of trial and error, when in fact we learn more from our failures than from our successes. ．Given the opportunity, the rational mind always likes to comment on the pros and cons of a point of view or action. ．Rational thinking takes a long-term view and believes that as long as we take one step at a time, we will always reach our goal.And, it believes that regardless of short-term benefits or setbacks, the long-term benefits are what matter. Therefore, "rational and evidence-seeking method" is the quality of thinking that we should vigorously cultivate. However, thinking with helpers can better overcome depression.The friend and ally of the rational mind is the so-called "compassionate mind."We need to develop compassion, or friendly reason.rather than cold rationality.compassionate thinking

Through evolution, we have acquired the ability to relate to other people, animals or events.For example, when a child is injured, parents understand that rational thinking is not enough, the child also needs your hugs and caresses.Our brains have evolved the ability to empathize with others, feel sorry for them, and try to help them.However, when depressed.We lose this inner capacity.We often fail to take better care of ourselves, or even realize that we need our own care.Healing means that we must rekindle caring for ourselves—the ability to heal ourselves that depression has robbed us of.

Like rational thinking, compassionate thinking has its own characteristics: ．Compassionate thinking focuses on personal growth and helps us reach our potential. ．Compassionate thinking focuses on support, healing, and listening to your own needs and the needs of others. ．Compassionate thinking learns about problems in a friendly, kind way. ．Compassionate thinking manifests itself as being more forgiving than blaming others. ．Compassionate thinking is not about destruction, but about helping to heal, repair and rebuild as much as possible. ．Compassionate thinking recognizes that life is painful and that we are all imperfect.

．Compassionate thinking does not see ourselves or others simply as valuable commodities. Self-worth or recognition is not earned, nor is it acquired through a condition or treaty. We can learn to train our minds to be warm, friendly, and develop compassionate thinking qualities.For some people, especially those who did not experience warmth and love in their youth, this is a very difficult but extremely important step.Ties, tasks and goals. When people seek therapy, they want a therapist who is compassionate: (1) understanding but not blaming; (2) warm and friendly;These standards reflect their inner wisdom, an awareness of therapeutic factors.

Professionally trained therapists focus on three categories of factors: the "link," the relationship between patient and therapist; the "task," the problem to be solved; and the "goal," the goal of therapy.You can take the same steps to help yourself out of depression. link Bond here refers to your inner relationship with yourself.You should break the old abusive, hostile relationship with yourself and re-establish a warm, helpful, friendly and accepting relationship.It is not easy and you have to work hard for it, here are the main points about it: ．If you are monitoring your thoughts and find yourself being overly critical, imagine how you would behave towards someone you care about (family or friend). Imagine how you would encourage them to try again, or keep trying.Take note of what you might say, and imagine your tone of voice and manner when you speak; imagine how you comfort them and understand their pain when they cry or fear.You should realize that when others are in pain, you did not laugh at them, belittle them, or step on them when they were depressed. This kind of care and help you give to them is exactly what you should learn to do to yourself. in use.Use this as your motto: "Caring and forgiving heal depression; harshness and abuse can only hurt you." Or "I want to connect with my inner therapist, not my inner tyrant."

．Imagine reaching out to you from a caring person who is both intellectual and emotional—a father or mother you've longed for.Sometimes, depressed people who have successfully challenged their negative thinking like to imagine how a compassionate helper would think and advise.Remember: the patience of your inner helper knows no bounds. Task As we work our way out of depression, we can set various tasks for ourselves and complete them one by one.Here are some examples: ．Learn to monitor your thoughts and emotions with precision. ．Jot down your thoughts, or write them down. ．Learn to be honest with yourself.

．Learn to take big problems and break them down into smaller ones. ．Complete some small homework every day. ．Learn to be confident and reduce self-aggression. Target The above is what you want to achieve.At first, depressed people just want to feel better, but this is a big goal that needs to be broken down into smaller goals like this: ．Do a little more every day. ．Be a little more confident with others. ．Spend more time doing things you enjoy. Initially, you'll want to set yourself some daily or weekly goals, starting with as small a goal as possible.Then, think about the tasks involved in reaching those goals and how you will do your best to succeed.If the questions are hard and you can't reach your goal, then answer questions like:

．Are you aiming too high? ．Can I break it down further? ．Am I running into an unexpected problem? ．Am I putting in enough effort? ．In the back of my mind, do I think that even reaching these goals is of no use? ．Do I have compassion for myself if I fail? Ways to challenge negative thinking looking for evidence When jumping to conclusions, we often give up on the evidence and become the worst scientists and detectives.Therefore, we need to encourage and train ourselves to look for evidence.When we have negative ideas about ourselves, others, the future, and the world, we have to ask ourselves: "Do I have enough evidence to draw this conclusion?" Annie thought she had burnt the meal and had made a mess of the party, so she was very disappointed.In fact, however, there was no evidence that the guests had a bad time.How can we help Anne stop self-blaming and turn her attention to the success of the party? One way to do this is to debate this idea. rational thinking Sympathy, friendly thinking.Where was the evidence that the party was a mess? ．It's a hasty idea, isn't it? ．What good is being so hard on yourself? · Don't the guests look too happy? ·What if a person burns the food? · Do you think they will come again? ．If your friend were in your situation, how would you treat her? ·Ask the guests if they are having a good time, · Burning food is a common mistake people make, see their reaction.Let's plan our next party! Finding evidence is very important.A big part of the reason we quickly dropped things was because I jumped to the conclusion that we couldn't do it.We overemphasize information that leads to negative conclusions and ignore positive information. change perspective Related to finding evidence to draw conclusions is learning how to look for other possibilities.When we're depressed, it's hard to do this, but we can start by looking for evidence that doesn't support a belief or idea. Jane and Teri got into an argument over money, so violently that Jane didn't think Teri would ever love her again.If Jane had read the book, she would have approached the problem in a different way, writing out the reasons for the idea and considering its various possibilities. We argue because: Other possible causes of negative beliefs He doesn't care about me. ·He is also anxious about money. ．He said things that hurt me. ·He often says hurtful things when he is angry, but to be honest, I do too. ．He's stressed out, as are both of us, because he might lose his job. ．If we weren't overly worried about money, we wouldn't treat each other like this. ．Our arguments were about stress, not lack of love. Another approach Jane could take is to list the evidence for and against her idea.The point is that when you find evidence for one idea, you also consider evidence for other ideas, and don't limit yourself to one idea. When Jane finds other reasons for being hurt, she is still unhappy about her conflict with Terry.However, in addition to thinking that Teri no longer loved her, she also realized other factors related to the argument.After her anger subsided, she decided to have a talk with Terry about the matter.Terry says that he thinks Jane doesn't understand how he feels and how difficult things are for him—in other words, it's not that Terry doesn't love Jane, but that Jane doesn't understand himself.Although they still had some debates about "who doesn't understand each other better", in the end, they came to a consensus: lack of money is a common problem, they both feel pressured by lack of money, but they should solve it together- problem, rather than venting anger at the other party. This would be difficult to do if Jane did not let go of the notion that "Terry doesn't love me anymore" in the first place. In fact, both parties tended to see the argument as a lack of Evidence of love. Of course, when you're angry, it's best not to think of the lover you're arguing with as your favorite.It doesn't mean you don't love them, it doesn't mean they don't love you, we should beware of the dreaded "musts"...they must love me all the time" or "we must never fight if we love each other". Sometimes, the evidence tends to point in the opposite direction—namely, a lack of love in the relationship.Kerry had been with Tim for a year and a half, and Tim's sexual needs were rough and intense.Sometimes, he would come to see her drunk; sometimes, he even forgot the appointment of two people.Carrie made excuses for him time and time again, only to become increasingly depressed. This may be difficult for Carrey, but as she considers the possibility that he loves her other than that, she unfortunately discovers that he doesn't care about her at all—or at least doesn't love her as much as she asks. Seeking other possibilities means we don't have just one perspective.Sometimes we are reluctant to consider other possibilities because that leads to painful conclusions.In Carrey's case, she had a deep-seated belief that if she gave up on this relationship, she wouldn't be able to find another.It is this notion that prevents her from considering other possibilities, and prevents her from judging whether Tim likes her based on the evidence.When she looked at the evidence, she found that, in general, their relationship was not a healthy relationship of mutual support, but one in which the pain outweighed the pleasure. Positive Thoughts Other Possibilities ．He will change after marriage. ·I met his ex-girlfriend last month and she said he was still the same and that I was too easy on him.The books I've read also tell me that people don't change much after they get married. ．Men are like that. ·I know some men who are not like him. ．He likes to communicate with me when he is in a bad mood. ．There is a lot more to a relationship than just being supportive when you're feeling down.Maybe he's just using me. ．He is usually nice and often takes me out. · Even Hitler was nice at times, only the general feeling is what matters. Later, as she imagined how she would help others in the same predicament, she found her compassionate mind telling herself: I know I'm apprehensive about being single, but I can learn to deal with it.Having this relationship is more painful than not having it.Me getting rid of this relationship does not mean that I give up looking for a better relationship. I should consider the benefits I have brought to him, not just my own shortcomings.I am honest and loyal, and I am empathetic.Of course, no one is perfect, but I am better.In my heart, I know this.Ending the relationship was kind of scary, but I've done fine on my own before, and I never expected a man to make my life colorful.I can start a new relationship with someone who brings me more joy.Ending the relationship doesn't make me unlovable. When Carrey was less depressed, she wrote down her thoughts and recorded them.Afterwards, whenever she was feeling down, read or listen to her notes.The sympathy and caring she felt after offering herself so many possibilities and advice effectively helped her ease her depression and allowed her to face up to the issue of ending the relationship. At this stage, the typical reaction is: "Of course, I can find other possibilities, but I don't believe in them. This is just self-deception." If you think this way, tell yourself that this is typical of depression. Way of thinking - it always knows what is true and right.At this stage, looking for other possibilities and avoiding corner cases is a crucial first step. pros and cons You should see that jotting down your thoughts can be very helpful. It can clarify your ideas, focus your thinking, and help you stop the ideas and thoughts that are lingering in your mind.This practice is very important because just like exercising will make you muscular and healthy, you need to regularly strive to develop skills in challenging negative thinking. Journaling your thoughts can also help you resolve conflicts or dilemmas.You can write down the pros (premises or benefits) and cons (consequences or losses) of making this change.For example, Kevin analyzed the pros and cons of whether to move, and the results are as follows: pros and cons ．The community environment is good. ·It's a long way to go to work. ．The house is big and there is extra space for the family. · Unfamiliar, I like old houses. ．The garden is large and can be used for leisure. · No time to take care of it. ．Investment conditions are good. • Too expensive. Kevin's next job is to do a point-by-point pros and cons analysis. He does this work with his family and discusses with his wife whether he agrees or disagrees.Through the discussion, it became clear to him that unfamiliarity with his new home and community was his only obstacle.He is aware of his reluctance to leave familiar surroundings, and once this is cleared in his mind, he is able to challenge this notion, admitting that it will take some time to get used to his new home, but overall, moving is a good idea . Sometimes, we are very reluctant to change our basic beliefs or ways of doing things because we always feel that there is a high price to pay.In therapy, Carrie realized that she often blamed herself if the relationship was not working well, and although she knew it was right to stop blaming herself, she found it difficult to do so.So she wrote down the pros and cons of letting go of her self-blame, trying to find out why she blamed herself. profit Disadvantages i will feel better But I may be more angry at others. i can feel the thrill But I may be like my mother, who always blames others, and I don't like her. i don't feel inferior But I may not see my own shortcomings and become arrogant. From the table above, we can see that, for Kerry, there are many unrealized disadvantages in changing the status quo—not just the fear of becoming someone he doesn’t like.Anyone who sees such possible outcomes would refuse to change the status quo.In fact, Carrey needs to find evidence for the evil she proposes.Is there any evidence that not being self-blame can be arrogant? Is there no one who is neither self-blame nor arrogant? In therapy, one often sees the drawbacks of changing the status quo.Of course, they don't want to be depressed - but getting out of depression involves more difficult things, they have to figure out, how will things be? What will change bring? Why is there fear? Not every benefit corresponds to a "but" (Though it's helpful to consider those possibilities).They resist change if their perceived malpractice is not explored.Once they figure out what is holding them back, they may be more willing to challenge those blocks. Sometimes the pros and cons are not so easy to see.For example, staying in a relationship for pleasure can lead to dependency and can predispose us to remain in a relationship that lacks love, as in Carrey's case.The disadvantage that may be caused by the need for independence and self-improvement is the reluctance to ask others for help. You can do it slowly and iteratively, either through self-reflection or discussion with others. experimental design Designing experiments can also be helpful in challenging beliefs about depression.In this way, you can easily obtain evidence.Here, remember "challenges, not one-shots" - design your experiment into many small steps, rather than jumping headlong into something with a high risk of failure.Don't worry about the small steps, as the saying goes: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." If your experiment isn't working, find out why it failed.Find out: Are there ingredients for success? Are you trying too risky? Are your expectations too high? Are negativity getting the better of you? Are you putting in the effort needed? Charlie has a habit of turning down his own jobs on the grounds of incompetence.In therapy, he developed several ways in which he could combat his negative thoughts.He wrote down those more rational and compassionate ideas on small cards, determined to use the cards to fight negative thinking.However, he only occasionally took out the card and read it.And, while reading, he didn't devote energy to thinking carefully about the words on the card.He took the words on the card very casually, and sometimes even saw the words without grasping the meaning.In the back of his mind, he thought: "This method will not work at all." Before the experiment started, he had already begun to tear himself down.Of course, challenging negative thinking patterns doesn't work by magic, it does take work.In this case, although the experiment failed, it proved: Charlie's stubborn belief that this method would not work, so he broke his fighting spirit.He had to learn to use compassionate thinking and tell himself in a friendly, supportive way: I know it's hard, and yes, depression sucks, but don't tear yourself down, let's make it work, there's nothing to lose after all.If you're helping a friend, you know it's a daunting task, but you try to encourage them to do it anyway.Let's also start bit by bit. Getting out of depression takes work, and you have to if you want to help yourself.It's like exercising, if you're running from the garden to the back door in your tracksuit it's not going to work, you have to do more.Some people find this difficult and may need extra help.Don't blame yourself if you try your best to find out that you still can't do it.Also, if you design an experiment for yourself, do your best to carry it out.For example, when you're thinking about other possibilities, make sure you're actually thinking about it and not just looking at the words on the card.You should imagine: How would I feel if I accepted these possibilities?