Chapter 7 Chapter 5 Thinking and Emotion

This chapter discusses the relationship between your thoughts and your emotions, and how they interact to push you toward the depths of depression.First, let's assume a situation: you are standing in a crowded car, and someone steps back and steps on your foot, which hurts.Your first reaction is "this man is stupid", and you are filled with anger.However, if the man turns around and you find that he is holding a blind man's stick, he is actually a blind man.At this point, not only does your thinking change (for example, you no longer think the person is stupid), but your emotions change as well.You may feel sorry for the other person, or even feel guilty about your own reactions.

So when something happens, you have to figure out what's going on before you have an emotional reaction.Change your perception of a situation, and your mood will change with it.The key to doing this is to separate the event itself from our subjective interpretations, emotional responses, and other responses.We can do this: ABC event event real meaning result Motivating ideas and thoughts and emotions event comprehension behavior Imagine a friend or lover promises you to call you at 11 o'clock in the evening and asks you to wait for his call.But as the minutes pass and the call has yet to come, what happens—how do you feel? You can react in any number of ways: anxiety, anger, sadness, or relief. It all depends on how you feel. Imagine why the person didn't call.We can analyze it like this:

ABC Without a phone he must have been in an accident, like a car accident.anxiety He went to the banquet and forgot our agreement to be angry He doesn't pay attention to it, so he forgets it.sad He calls tomorrow instead and now I can go to bed Calm or free from automatic thoughts As mentioned earlier, jumping to conclusions is a common response when we are faced with a threat.In the above example, if your friend or lover did not make a phone call, you perceive it as some kind of threat. If you think that something must have happened to the "friend" or "lover", it is a hasty conclusion, which is called "automatic thinking".It's impossible to know why they didn't call unless there is proof.So all thoughts are guesses and assumptions, yet you still feel anxious and worried.As the name suggests, automatic thinking refers to thoughts, ideas, and ideas that automatically arise in the brain.They are automatic, immediacy, awareness, without effort, and plausible.

Let us still use the above as an example to further explore automatic thinking.First, pseudo; perhaps there is no explicit thought of the following: "My friend (or lover) must have been at the party and forgot to call me, leaving me to wait.,' Instead, you may just have these thoughts running through your head .Can you answer the following questions? Is he having a good time? Is he having a conversation? Is there music? Is it classic or disco? Often create images in your mind. Sometimes automatic thoughts are so fast they are hard to catch.Earlier, we mentioned the imagination about the party. These ideas are automatically generated in people's minds and are not easy to be noticed.But when we remind ourselves of these thoughts, you realize that you really do have them.So when our emotions change, we have to look inside our own minds and figure out what we are thinking.

Automatic thoughts often appear in thoughts, daydreams, and fantasies.As mentioned above, we can picture a friend, lover in a certain place (party) in our mind, and imagine him having a good time, laughing and drinking, etc.We may also be arguing with ourselves in our heads, for example, while we wait for the phone call and imagine how good he is having a good time.You may have repeated in your mind the content of the argument you will have with him, and you may also think about how you will deal with him the next time he calls.You keep repeating things in your head that you would never do because you are afraid of rejection or moral condemnation.

Sometimes, we may not be fully aware that we are mentally constructing a certain scene, but simply experiencing a certain mood or emotion.For example, when a friend doesn't call, you feel frustrated and angry.But your awareness of your thought process is superficial.Sometimes we let our minds run wild, as if there is some kind of "inner director" in the body that feeds us thoughts and representations.Therefore, we need to train ourselves to recognize automatic thoughts so that they can be recognized and changed.We need to use positive imagery, allowing ourselves to enter the thought, to examine it so that we can deal with it more easily.

germination of thinking From the previous examples, you will notice an important phenomenon - one idea will lead to other ideas.Human thinking is highly germinative.We are often not satisfied with - two kinds of thinking.Sometimes, especially when our thinking slips in the direction of depression, it spells disaster for us.For example, let's observe how your mind slides toward depression when a friend or romantic partner doesn't call.Your thought process goes like this: He didn't call. This is because he has better or more interesting things to do. If he cared about me, he would have called already?.

Therefore, he doesn't really care about me. I can never seem to find someone who cares about me. how am i Maybe I'm very unattractive and boring. I'll never be able to form an intimacy that lasts forever. I will be forever abandoned. Life is utterly empty and meaningless. This thought process is so fast that we are barely aware of it.Not only are we disappointed and angry that someone didn't call, we also feel depressed.Because our minds lead us to conclude that I'm a nuisance, that no one cares about me, and that I'm going to be dumped by everyone.When we fall into depression, the above-mentioned fast thinking programs often appear.When we're depressed, our thoughts lead us into worse possibilities.And it all happens so quickly—sometimes in seconds.

Vicious circle and emotional amplifier This kind of automatic thinking often leads to mutual feedback among various concepts.For example, when we're depressed, we often feel like we don't want to do things, and when we don't accomplish something, we feel useless, and this sense of self-worthlessness can make us more depressed Now, you may be able to find that once your mind gets stuck in this vicious cycle, it's hard to get out of it unless you do something about it.This kind of thinking can be called an "emotional amplifier", because the above process continues to cycle and the intensity gradually increases.The structure itself has nothing to make it less powerful, so you need mood reducers, those that break the vicious cycle described above.You may find that there are many links in the cycle that you can break through.You can encourage yourself for your positive performance, and you can learn to encourage your efforts regardless of the results.When we're depressed, we often overlook our little successes.We can hardly be satisfied unless we make great progress.

Another way to break the above cycle is to tell yourself: Although I have not made any achievements now, this does not mean that I am a useless person.Life to me is more than achievement and recognition, if you're depressed, you don't have to be surprised that you don't feel the same way; you're bound to react that way, because you, like everyone who's depressed - , feeling depressed.We often stubbornly insist on our own ideas and ways of doing things, that is, we are not easy to be persuaded by reason, especially from others.We can become arrogant and believe that only we know the truth.Therefore, we ignore what others think of us.Think they don't understand us, or don't know the truth.We do everything we can to prove our negative beliefs are right and others are wrong.Next, we will discuss how to change this concept as soon as possible.

Ideas About Your Emotions and Behavior Although often, it is the situation or event that triggers the negative thinking, this is not always the case.Sometimes we first have an internal emotion, such as anger, and then form an idea of ​​that emotion.For example, you may think that anger is wrong.Or you have a sexual fantasy about someone and feel guilty about it because you told yourself that it wasn't right.Or maybe you feel anxious about something, and at the same time, you think you're too stupid and vulnerable to be that way.You may wake up feeling tired and think, Oh God, another gloomy day, how do I get out of it?We may also develop negative ideas about events that we did or failed to do.We ruminate over our actions and then think negatively about them.For example, when we don’t get invited to a party or other event because of our anxiety, we think we’re too bad to make others feel uncomfortable, and we’re filled with guilt for that. In the case of Colin, who was unable to attend a friend's farewell party because of social anxiety disorder, he developed the following thoughts: I should have gone. I upset my friend? He might get mad and stop being interested in me. Others would suspect that something was wrong with me. Another lost opportunity for me to be happy. In social situations, I'm really useless. It was pathetic that I fell into anxiety. The more these ideas occupy his mind, the more prone he is to anxiety or depression. Sometimes, how we feel about our bodies can also lead to negative thoughts.Example: People who have frequent panic attacks may notice that their heart beats faster when they feel anxious.So he thinks: There must be something wrong with my heart.Then he started paying attention to his own heartbeat.Because he thinks there is something wrong with his heart, he will feel anxious about it.Of course, as his anxiety level increased, the heart rate increased further.Even though the heart is just a pump, it automatically adjusts the heart rate as the body needs it.But since they see a racing heartbeat as a precursor to a heart attack, the notion led to further escalation of his anxiety. Thus, we can see that our negative ideas about ourselves, others, and the future can increase our level of depression.These negative thoughts arise due to external events, internal feelings, and excessive focus on one's own body or actions.jot down your ideas Here will provide you with a sample form (see Appendix 1) to record your automatic thoughts, so as to further control and change your ideas. This form is somewhat similar to the one used in the previous example of making a phone call .Through the first column of the table, you can see that there are many events that can trigger negative perceptions and lead to negative evaluations and conclusions. For example: Other people criticize you, or you do not do a job as expected (such as not doing a good job getting a phone call), negative judgments about how you feel (e.g., I’m not a good person because I’m angry; it’s wrong to have sexual fantasies about non-spouses), and negative judgments about behavior or your body ( Such as: I should not have done that, I am a terrible person, I am often impulsive; or a fast heart rate means a heart disease, I may die). Then, you can fill in the last two columns as before, that is, fill in on your view of the events that triggered it and its aftermath. First, identify the events that focus on you, and then, jot down what's in your head.If we habitually jot them down, it becomes easier to recognize them, which helps us to see them clearly and to focus on them, preventing them from drifting in and out of our minds.One of the most effective ways is to monitor your mood, changes in emotion, and remember what happened when these changes occurred-such as: being criticized, things are not done as expected, or work is not done.Then, jot down the ideas associated with those situations. Another way is if you notice a change in your mood, or notice that you are experiencing anxiety, depression, or sadness, ask yourself: If my emotions could express themselves, what would they say to me? what? In the fourth column, you fill in the corrective thoughts.Please see Appendix 1, you can refer to the examples in the table and fill in the blanks.When you finish reading this book, I hope that you will not only be able to identify your own ideas and your depression spiral structure (emotional amplifier) ​​well, but also successfully change negative ideas and no longer make "safety is better than regret", " Prepare for the worst" and other thoughts occupy your mind.If you find it difficult to change your mind, don't worry, it takes time to practice, and we will continue the above homework in the next chapter.how to identify your ideas Sometimes it can be very difficult to figure out what you are thinking.So, how can we help ourselves to clarify our perceptions? One way is to ask yourself questions: For example, if you tried to do something, but did not do well, you feel disappointed and depressed, at this time, you can ask Ask yourself the following questions: Questions That Can Cause Depression Answers How did I think about the implications of this? I couldn't get the job done that I wanted to get done. What kind of perception does this lead me to? Most of the things I work for fail. What conclusions did I draw from these situations? I couldn't be successful in what I wanted to achieve. You can also ask yourself questions about how others perceive and react to you: How do I take into account what other people think of my failure? They will think that I simply can't do anything. Another set of questions is concluding thoughts about yourself as a person: What does this mean to me? If I fail, it means I am not capable. How do I see how this will affect my future? I will never be able to do anything meaningful. In summary, there are three types of questions you can ask yourself: 1.how you see yourself. 2.How you consider what others think of you. 3.How do you think about the event's impact on your future. Using "things are not going well" as an example, you might have the following thoughts: ．I have not been successful in this task. ．Failure in this matter means that I am not capable enough. ．Others will think that I am not competent at many things. ．I won't be successful at anything. These ideas cannot come to us clearly until we ask ourselves questions.By thinking about these questions, we can better pay attention to our thinking and gain insight into our own perception of events and situations. Like many things in life, this takes practice.Moreover, you may not feel used to it at first, but after a period of time, you may find that some repetitive themes often appear in your thinking, for example, when we are depressed, we often have evaluations of the future, others and ourselves in our minds and negative judgments about self-concept.Basic Attitudes and Beliefs We might ask: Where do these negative ideas come from? One answer is that the depressive state itself evokes these negative ideas.But more often, our basic beliefs and attitudes about ourselves, others, and life lead to our automatic thinking and plant the seeds of depression later in life.These basic attitudes and beliefs include: ．If a person makes mistakes, then they are incompetent. ．A person who loses his temper is not likable. ．You cannot be happy without a harmonious, intimate relationship. ．If you quarrel with someone close, they won't love you anymore. ．If your parents don't love you, or abuse you, then you are unlovable. ．Sex is dirty. Many similar basic attitudes and negative beliefs lead people to negative conclusions.Take me personally: I'm poor at English, so I developed a negative belief: "Poor English means I'm stupid." When I was depressed, this belief became very real - I felt that I was neither smart , can't do it either.When I made a spelling mistake, I blamed myself for my poor English, and the unpleasant feeling ensued.I didn’t realize until later that this notion (i.e., I’m stupid) was incorrect, I thought only I could make spelling mistakes, and that other people make the same mistakes! Often we are unaware of our basic beliefs, but Emotional reactions to situations can alert you to the fact that you may have some negative underlying beliefs that need to be identified and changed. Negative automatic thoughts are generated in specific situations at specific times.But they often contain negative basic beliefs that, like our basic view of life, have always been there.Let's recall Sally's example from Chapter 2. Land's basic beliefs are as follows: In the eyes of others, I am a piece of trash.I often get in the way of other people doing what they like to do.People don't like me being around them and I must never do anything that could hurt them.I have to be what other people want me to be.Expressing anger or voicing their needs caused them to abandon me.I have to be grateful to others.If I express 7 my dissatisfaction, then I am an ungrateful bad person. Although these thoughts and beliefs are not always active, they are easily triggered.addicted to one's own ideas Automatic thoughts are different from thoughts we wallow in.Automatic thoughts are associated with quick responses, with emotional and emotional consequences.For example, when someone suddenly appears in front of your car, you immediately experience severe stomach cramps and the thought, "I hit him"; someone calls to tell you that your lover is having an affair with someone else A message will hit you as well.In these examples, access to personally meaningful information is swift.Take the phone call as an example, you may think further about the information and decide that the news is not true, maybe someone is deliberately muddying the waters to create trouble between you and your loved one.In other words, you rethink and "unfactor" your initial emotional response.You may also decide that this information is solid and start thinking about it. When we are addicted to a certain thought, our mind will keep recurring thoughts.A common scenario is that you focus on a certain set of thoughts and lie in bed anxious.This is different from reacting quickly and going back and rethinking it: when we become addicted to a thought, we allow ourselves to follow it for minutes or even hours.When we have emotional snaps, we need to calm down and figure out our thoughts; when we meditate, we know very clearly what we are thinking.So it's important to realize that indulging in negative thinking only makes it more ingrained. Depression involves not only automatic thoughts and quick reactions to situations, but also "rumination" -- the rumination of negative thoughts.It is very important to recognize and break this thinking.You should distract yourself, or you can try to ask yourself: What the hell am I thinking? Is this helpful? Writing your thoughts down (don't let them wander in your head) is an effective way to break this thinking. method.Or, you can tell yourself, "I know what I'm thinking, and if I keep thinking about it, I'm going to get even more depressed."'—Once your thoughts are written down, they can be easily broken. By now, you may be aware of the content of your meditations, which may be: incompetence, injustice, unfairness, revenge, loss, and negative predictions about the future--in fact, everyone has one from time to time. these thoughts.Try to recognize things that you meditate on a lot, and work on recognizing themes that come up in your thinking.If it's hard for you to recognize when you're lost in thought, you can make some markers around your place to remind yourself to examine your thinking at all times.Or you could keep a rock (or other small object) with you and remind yourself to check the contents of your mind every time you touch it.If you're brooding over something at the time, make sure to remind yourself to get out of it.In short, do everything you can to stop ruminating on negative ideas. Of course, this is not to say that we should never have sad, anxious or negative thoughts and emotions, or that we should always keep ourselves safe from all painful thoughts.In fact, some meditations can help us work through difficulties or break through painful emotions, such as grief.What should be avoided are those thoughts and feelings that can cause you to be depressed.