Chapter 8 Chapter 8 Signals from the Eyes

It seems that some men's eyes have the special ability to see through the cover of the telescope In the long history of human development, the eye has always been the organ we pay the most attention to, and its impact on human behavior has become a subject of frequent research.Mutual eye contact can sometimes control the flow of a conversation. For example, when someone says, "He looked at me with a very contemptuous look," it shows that the person you're talking to is condescending.And when you say to someone, "Look me in the eye when you're talking!" that means you suspect he's lying.In face-to-face conversations, our eyes stay on the other person's face most of the time, so the information conveyed by the eyes is the best weapon that can help us interpret the other person's attitude and thoughts.When people meet for the first time, the first impression of a new friend is formed in a short time, and this impression mainly depends on what people's eyes see.

In our life, there are a lot of adjectives related to eyes, such as "she glared at that man", "his eyes are shining", "she has a pair of big eyes like a baby", "his eyes are thieves Slick", "Her eyes are so charming", "She wished she could kill that man with her eyes", "Her eyes are cold", "He looks at me very viciously", etc.When we describe other people's eyes, we also use a lot of adjectives.For example, Bette Davis eyes, Hispanic eyes, lecherous eyes, or gritty, angry, empty, mysterious, sad, happy, provocative cruel, jealous, unforgiving, sharp eyes, etc.We use these words without realizing that we are making these impressions based on the size of the other person's pupils and the way they look at objects.In our body language, the signal transmitted by the eyes is the most valuable and accurate, because it is the focus of conveying the body's feelings, and the movement of the pupil is independent, conscious, and not controlled by consciousness.In our body language, the signal transmitted by the eyes is the most valuable and accurate, because it is the focus of conveying the body's feelings, and the movement of the pupil is independent, conscious, and not controlled by consciousness.

Under the same lighting conditions, as attitudes and emotions change from positive to negative, the pupils dilate to constrict, and vice versa.When people are excited, the pupils expand four times their original size.On the contrary, if people are in anger or other negative emotions, the pupils will shrink and become what we usually call "eyes like small beads" or "snake eyes".Eyes with light-colored pupils tend to be more attractive because light-colored pupils appear more pronounced when dilated. charming eyes Eckhart Hess, former chair of the Department of Psychology at the University of Chicago and a pioneer in the study of pupil movement, discovered that pupil size is determined by people's overall emotional state.Generally, pupils dilate when people see something that is emotionally stimulating.Hess found that the pupils of people of normal sexual orientation, whether male or female, dilated when they saw a poster of a celebrity of the opposite sex, but constricted when they saw a poster of a celebrity of the same sex.Pupils respond similarly when people see something pleasurable or painful.For example, the pupils dilate when seeing food and political figures; conversely, the pupils contract when seeing disabled children and war scenes.Hess also pointed out that the dilation of pupils is also closely related to mental activity.If a person is struggling to solve a problem, the pupils dilate to their extreme size when the problem is finally solved.

We bring pupil research to the business world and demonstrate that pupil dilation makes advertising models appear more attractive, thereby influencing customers' purchase propensity.Therefore, as long as we modify the pupils of the models in the photos to be larger, we can effectively increase the sales of the product.This research can be applied to any advertising poster that can show a close-up shot of the model's face, such as women's cosmetics, hair care products and fashion. A successful case is that in the direct sales campaign, we increased the direct mail sales of Revlon lipstick by 45% by modifying the pupil size of the model in the advertising brochure.A successful case is that in the direct sales campaign, we increased the direct mail sales of Revlon lipstick by 45% by modifying the pupil size of the model in the advertising brochure.

Which photo do you find more attractive? During love, the eyes are the most expressive organs.Women put makeup on their eyes to make them more prominent.If a woman wants to attract the attention of a man, she will dilate her pupils while looking at the man, and the man is likely to tacitly read the signals from the woman.Why do romantic encounters always take place in dimly lit places?Pupil dilation is the answer.In the dim light, people's pupils will involuntarily dilate, so that two people who meet will be attracted to each other, and romantic love will be achieved. When a man is attracted to a woman, what part of his body triples in size?

When lovers gaze at each other affectionately, they are unconsciously looking for signs of dilation of the other's pupils, and each is aroused by the other's dilated pupils. Research has shown that when men watch pornography, their pupils dilate to three times their original size.The women's pupils dilated most when they saw images of mothers and babies playing.The pupils of infants and toddlers are larger than those of adults, and as long as their parents are present, their pupils will remain dilated, giving them a look of great desire and constant attention.That's why the best-selling children's toys always have the pupils of children's ad models oversized.

The survey also showed that people who saw other people's pupils dilated had their own pupils dilated accordingly.Although men's pupils dilated when looking at pictures of beautiful women, compared with pictures of beautiful women with constricted pupils, men's pupils dilated more when looking at pictures of beautiful women with dilated pupils. The ability to perceive pupillary dilation is directly linked to the brain and is a completely automatic response, not under the control of the will.To test this, cover Figure B below with your hand, and have someone next to you stare at the "pupil" in Figure A.After a while, let him move his gaze to picture B, then you will find that his pupils have dilated to fit the "pupil" in picture B.Because his brain thinks these "eyes" are looking at him and seem attractive.

Women's pupils dilate faster than men's. As long as the brain perceives that the other's pupils are dilating, the women's pupils will respond quickly, thus showing a kind and friendly image.Women's pupils dilate faster than men's. As long as the brain perceives that the other's pupils are dilating, the women's pupils will respond quickly, thus showing a kind and friendly image. AB Hess once tested pupillary responses with five pictures: a naked man, a naked woman, a baby, a photo of a mother and baby, and a landscape painting.The test results were exactly as predicted: Men's pupils dilated most when they saw pictures of naked women; gay men's pupils became the largest when they saw pictures of naked men; women's pupils were extremely dilated when they saw pictures of mother and child Expansion, followed by paintings of nude men.

We used to invite professional poker players to take another pupil test.The test process shows that as long as the opponents of these professional players wear sunglasses, the winning rate of professional players will be greatly reduced.For example, when playing poker, if an opponent draws four aces at once, he is likely to unconsciously dilate his pupils rapidly.Experienced players can keenly observe this change, so they will not place large bets in this round.But once the sunglasses are on, the pupils no longer give away any information, so even the poker expert will inevitably win less than usual.

People have long known how to read other people's hearts through their pupils.When jewelers in ancient China bargained with customers, they would carefully observe whether the pupils of the customers were dilated.Centuries ago, prostitutes used to drip belladonna juice into their eyes to make the pupils bigger and make themselves appear more erotic. Rock singer David Bowie has two eyes of different colors, one is blue and the other is hazel, and the pupil of one eye is always dilated.This condition is called heterochromia and occurs in about 1% of cases.Bowie's bicolor eyes are a lifelong memory of a fight with a girl at the age of 12

There is an old saying that "look people in the eye" when exchanging ideas or negotiating with others.When exchanging ideas or negotiating with others, "look them in the eyes."But we think it's better to "look into each other's pupils", because the pupils will tell you the truest feelings in their hearts. Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen (Simon Baron-Cohen) of the University of Cambridge once did such an experiment: He showed photos of portraits of people to different subjects, but each portrait could only see the eyes, forehead, etc. , eyebrows and everything below the eyes are covered.Then, the doctor asked the subjects to match the appropriate mental states for the protagonists of the photos according to the photos they saw, such as "friendly", "relaxed", "bad intentions", "worried" and so on; Subjects were also asked to judge the mental activity of the subject of the photo, such as "longing for your caress" or "longing for someone else's love". From a purely statistical point of view, the correct rate of the test questions completed purely by guesswork should be about 50%.But among the 25 questions provided by this experiment, the men's average score was 19, and the women's score was 22.This result shows that both men and women have a certain ability to interpret the signals transmitted by the eyes, and compared with the ability to interpret body language, people are still better at correctly grasping eye signals.Overall, though, the women were once again the winners in this experiment. Scientists still can't explain how the eye information is conveyed and interpreted, they only know that humans can do it.People with autism (almost all men) scored lowest on the test.From this, it can be inferred that the brains of people with autism lack the ability to interpret body language.So, even autistic people with very high IQs have difficulty forming normal social friendships with other people. Of all primates, only humans have eyes with whites beyond the pupil.Even the orangutans, who are closest to humans, have pure black eyes.We call the white of the eye the sclera.The presence of the sclera allows people to observe changes in gaze, thereby helping people understand and communicate with each other, because the direction of gaze is often closely related to people's emotions.Women's brains are better at perceiving other people's emotions than men's, which is why women's sclera are larger than men's.Orangutan eyes lack whites, making it difficult for their prey to catch their gaze.This feature can greatly increase the success rate of predation, because the prey cannot judge whether they have been found. Of all primates, only humans have prominent whites of the eyes. Raising eyebrows slightly is a gesture to greet people from a little distance away, and it has been widely used since ancient times.The meaning of this movement is not only common in the world, but even monkeys and orangutans will use this movement to greet, which shows that the movement of slightly raising eyebrows is innate.Raise the eyebrows quickly and lightly, and return to the original position after a moment. This action is to draw others' attention to your face, so that people know that you are saying hello to him.This gesture is not acceptable only in Japanese culture.Raise the eyebrows quickly and lightly, and return to the original position after a moment. This action is to draw others' attention to your face, so that people know that you are saying hello to him.This gesture is not acceptable only in Japanese culture.In the eyes of the Japanese, this is an impolite and very rude gesture, and it is even considered to contain explicit sexual implications. It is a subconscious reaction to raise an eyebrow slightly to the person who sees it.This shows that you have an attitude of approval for the person who appears in front of you.And this action is likely to be associated with emotions of surprise and fear, as if you were saying "I was shocked and scared to see you", which could also be interpreted as "I am in awe of you and have a crush on you".We don't do this to strangers we pass by and to people we dislike.If someone doesn't raise their eyebrows at you the second they see you, it could be a sign of aggression. A simple experiment will make you feel the magic of this movement: sit on the sofa in the hotel lobby and raise your eyebrows slightly at everyone passing by; you will find that not only everyone will do the same movement In response to you, some people will even take the initiative to come over and talk to you. If you like him, raise your eyebrows slightly; if you want him to like you, raise your eyebrows slightly.This is a golden rule.If you like him, raise your eyebrows slightly; if you want him to like you, raise your eyebrows slightly.This is a golden rule. In order to show their majesty or aggressiveness to others, people often lower their eyebrows.Conversely, raising the eyebrows is a sign of submission and humility. Keating&Keating found that certain species of orangutans and monkeys also use these gestures to express the same meaning.They also point out that the act of raising the brows more often leads to a submissive feeling, while the lowering of the brows is perceived as aggressive, in exactly the same way as in humans. The high eyebrows made Marilyn Monroe show a submissive attitude.And lower eyebrows give James Cagney an aggressive look.Kennedy's eyebrow tails stretched downward, giving people a sense of majesty and a lingering worry in "Why do men lie and women cry?" "In this book, we once described how a woman uses the action of raising her eyebrows to subtly make her eyes bigger, and make the shape of the eyes as close as possible to a baby's eyes, creating a cute baby face image.This trick is very effective for men, because it allows men to release a large amount of male hormones, which stimulates men's desire to care for women.Many women pluck their eyebrows and reshape them with an eyebrow pencil.This is to make the brows appear taller and show a submissive posture, because they subconsciously know that this is more attractive to men.And if a man trims his eyebrows, he will definitely start trimming from the highest part of his eyebrows.They will lower the brows and make the eyes appear narrower, creating a more majestic effect. John F. Kennedy's eyebrows have a gentle curvature, and the tail of the eyebrows keeps extending downward, which makes his face always give voters a feeling of concern for the country and the people.If he had bushy eyebrows like James Cagney's, it would have greatly weakened his electoral competitiveness. He lowered his head slightly and looked up.Diana knew all too well the appeal of such a position Lifting the eyes and looking up while bowing the head is another gesture of submission and humility.Lifting the eyes and looking up while bowing the head is another gesture of submission and humility.This pose is also attractive to men because it makes the eyes appear larger and women look childlike.This psychological reaction can be explained in this way: children are much shorter than adults, so they must raise their eyes to look up when looking at adults; over time, both men and women will be inspired by this kind of looking up. parental emotional responses. When her marriage was in crisis, Princess Diana won the sympathy of the whole world with her "eyes looking up" posture. The chin was slightly retracted, and her eyes were raised to look up, revealing her slender neck. This posture has almost been artisticized by Princess Diana.The childlike gesture triggered an outpouring of affection from thousands, especially when it was thought Princess Diana was being attacked by the British royal family, wanting to protect her like a parent.People usually don't consciously practice such a submissive posture, but everyone knows that as long as they make such a posture, they will get the desired effect. Marilyn Monroe is the master of feminine imagery.She knows, at least subconsciously, what body language makes a man overwhelmed Raise your eyebrows while lowering your eyelids, look up, and part your lips slightly.Women have used this pose for centuries to project an image that is both sensual and submissive.Such poses have become the label of sexy goddesses, such as Marilyn Monroe, Deborah Harry, Sharon Stone and so on. It's not only the widening distance between the brows and eyelids that makes the pose alluring, but also the misty eyes.This look is often seen on a woman's face in the moments leading up to orgasm, new research shows. Only when two people meet each other's eyes can it be considered that the basis for mutual communication and communication has really been formed.Only when two people meet each other's eyes can it be considered that the basis for mutual communication and communication has really been formed.When we talk to other people, some people make us feel comfortable and happy, some people make us uncomfortable, and some people even make us feel untrustworthy.The generation of these feelings all starts from the eyes, and often depends on how long the other party looks at us or how the other party reacts to our gaze, and so on. Mr. Michael Argyle of the United Kingdom is a pioneer in the study of social psychology and body language skills.He found that when Europeans and Americans talk to each other, on average, they keep their eyes on each other about 61% of the time.This includes looking at each other about 41% of the time when talking to oneself; about 75% of the time when listening to others; and about 31% of the time when talking to each other.According to Argyle's records, people's gazes lasted an average of 2.95 seconds each, and their eyes met for an average of 1.18 seconds. We found that in the conversation, the length of eye contact varies greatly, the lowest is only 25% of the conversation time; and the highest is 100%, that is, the two people who are talking are always in the state of eye contact.The amount of time you make eye contact depends on who you are talking to and their cultural background.Generally speaking, when we talk to others, we make eye contact about 40% to 60% of the time; when listening to others, this ratio rises to 80%.However, this general rule does not apply to the whole world. In Japan and certain Asian and South American countries, staring for a long time is considered a provocative or rude behavior.Japanese people often turn their face away or look at the other person's throat when talking to others.If you are a European or American who is not familiar with Japanese culture, you will definitely be quite embarrassed when you encounter such a situation. Argyle also found that when two people are talking to each other, if A likes B very much, then A will often look at B.This kind of gaze will make B feel that A has a good impression of him, so B will also return A's gaze in return.That is to say, in most cultural backgrounds, if you want to establish a friendly relationship with other people, you should pay more attention to the other person when talking, and this ratio should reach at least 60% to 70% of the time.This approach will definitely make the person you are talking to have a good impression of you.Conversely, if you are nervous and cowardly when talking with others, and you spend less than a third of your time staring at the other person, then it is not surprising that the other person has a sense of distrust towards you.This also explains why we can't wear sunglasses in business negotiations, because it will make the other party think that we are either staring at them through the cover of the lens, or hiding behind the lens to avoid their gaze. Because he was intoxicated by the gentle gaze of a woman, he married this woman; but he did not expect that after marriage, the gaze of a woman would no longer be gentle. Like most other forms of body language, the act of looking must take cultural differences into account.Never forget to consider the cultural context before drawing conclusions about your observations.If traveling to other regions, such as Japan, the safest thing to do is to imitate your host, and you will return the same look when he looks at you during a conversation. When two people make eye contact for the first time in a conversation, it's often the weaker one who looks away first.When two people make eye contact for the first time in a conversation, it's often the weaker one who looks away first.This also means that maintaining the gaze of the other person conveys a sense of challenge in a subtle way.If you look at the other person for a long time when the other person expresses his opinion or point of view, it means that you disagree with him.Suppose you are talking to a person with a higher status than you, such as your boss, when you want to express dissent, you can look at him a little longer than usual, so that he will definitely feel you Attitude.Of course, if you still want to keep your job, don't play this trick all the time. We organized a group of non-naturists to go to the nudist colony, introduced them to the nudists here, and recorded the conversation.All of the non-naturist men admitted that they had difficulty keeping their gaze away from the naturist's lower body, and the video clearly showed their looking down during conversations.On the contrary, the women said that they did not experience such embarrassment, and it can be seen from the video that very few women consciously cast their eyes on the lower body of the conversation partner.This is because men's vision is tubular, so their ability to observe things directly in front of them and find distant objects is far stronger than that of women.However, most men's near vision and peripheral vision are far worse than women's. Because of this, men always have a hard time finding what they want in the refrigerator, cupboards and drawers.Women have a wide range of peripheral vision, and the field of vision of both eyes can be extended outward by at least 45 degrees, which means that when women seem to be looking at each other's faces, they are likely to be looking at each other at the same time Gold and silver jewelry worn. Women have a wide range of peripheral vision, and the field of vision of both eyes can be extended outward by at least 45 degrees, which means that when women seem to be looking at each other's faces, they are likely to be looking at each other at the same time Gold and silver jewelry worn.It seems to be looking here, but actually looking there, this is the advantage given to women by the wide peripheral vision When a woman becomes interested in a guy across the room, she will make eye contact with the guy to get his attention.Usually she looks at the man for two or three seconds, then looks away and lowers her eyelids.Women think that this gaze is enough to clearly express their love and submission.However, experiments done by Dr. Monica Moore from Webster University have shown that most men lack the ability to interpret women's visual signals, so women usually need to repeat the signal three times before men with average responses can make a difference. Perceived; for men who react slowly, women even need to repeat four times; we do not rule out that men with extreme hindsight need women to repeat five or more times.When a woman finally grabs a man's attention, she often raises her eyebrows slightly, and at the same time does not forget to open her eyes slightly to give the man a clearer signal of love. Perhaps, when dealing with a man who is unresponsive, it is more effective to go up to the man and say to him face to face, "Hi, I have a good feeling for you!" As we said before, many people turn their faces away and their eyes wander when they lie.To verify this, we conducted a set of experiments.We arranged for the subjects to lie to each other during the conversation and videotaped the entire conversation.Then, in communication workshops, we had participants watch the videos and point out the lies they had identified.The end result surprised us, and the liars didn't behave as we would normally expect.Only about 30% of liars move their eyes when lying, and the lies of this part of liars are also the easiest to see through.About 80 percent of the lies were pointed out by workshop members, with women having a slightly higher success rate than men.The other 70 percent of liars look steadily at the poor victim when they lie, perhaps knowing that looking left and right will arouse suspicion, so they do the opposite to avoid getting caught.What they did was indeed right.Among these liars, on average, only 25 percent of their lies were detected, with a measly 15 percent success rate for men and 35 percent for women.Women are far more intuitive than men at picking out voice changes, pupil dilation, and other cues; it's these details that give liars their heads.This experiment shows that eyes cannot be used as the only basis for distinguishing lies, we must combine other gestures and clues to make a comprehensive judgment.Eyes cannot be used as the only basis for distinguishing lies. We must combine other gestures and clues to make a comprehensive judgment. In the process of talking with you, if the other person makes eye contact with you for more than two-thirds of the time, it generally means two possibilities: the first possibility is that he thinks you are very funny and attractive, if so he Your pupils will dilate; the second possibility is that he is hostile to you, or sending you a signal of aggression, in which case his pupils will constrict.As we've often mentioned, women are very good at reading pupil signals, so they can tell if someone is benevolent or malicious.However, men are not as skilled as women in this respect.That's why most men can't judge a woman's mood based on the expression on her face, or even know whether a woman is going to give them a sweet kiss or a hard slap. Looking away is a sign of submission, a body language that almost all primates share.If an orangutan is about to show its power or make an attack, it will fix its eyes on the target of the attack.To avoid being attacked, weak orangutans who feel threatened will look away and huddle up to make themselves look even more emaciated. Scientific research has shown that it is the survival instinct in the brain that makes primates show submission.We also huddle our bodies as much as possible when confronted with a potential threat, such as shrugging our shoulders, keeping our arms close to our bodies, curling our knees, locking our ankles into table legs, keeping our chins close to our chests to protect our throats, and obediently looking away.These gestures cause the attacker's brain to issue the "disarm" command, so that the victim can avoid bad luck by submitting. Make yourself appear weaker, which can make the attacker's brain send the command to "disarm the attack". When you are scolded by your boss for making a mistake, you can use the above posture to win the sympathy of your boss.However, if you are attacked by gangsters on the street, the gesture of submission will be counterproductive.Suppose you are walking alone on the street and encounter a group of dubious people. If you show fear at this time, it will arouse the desire of these people to attack.On the contrary, if you stride forward without looking sideways, keep your arms and legs in a large range of motion, hold your head high, and show that you have the ability to protect yourself, those street punks will feel fearful and become uneasy. Too dare to attack you easily. Squinting can have many meanings. It may indicate interest, uncertainty, or even hostility.If people look sideways and raise their eyebrows slightly or smile, it is a sign of interest, and people in love often use it as a signal of courtship, especially women. A squinting gaze accompanied by a lowered eyebrow, a furrowed brow, or a drawn-down mouth indicates suspicion, hostility, or a critical attitude.A squinting gaze accompanied by a lowered eyebrow, a furrowed brow, or a drawn-down mouth indicates suspicion, hostility, or a critical attitude. In a normal and relaxed state, people's eyes blink 6-8 times per minute, and the eyes close for only one-tenth of a second each time they blink.But as long as people are in a stressful state, such as when lying, the frequency of people's blinking is likely to increase significantly.Close your eyes and don't want to look at you Extended blink intervals are when people close their eyes much longer than normal for a tenth of a second each time they blink.This action is subconscious, the brain's attempt to keep the person in front of them out of sight because they're bored, bored, or think they're superior.If someone does this to you, it means that he can't bear to continue pestering you, so every time he blinks, he will close his eyes for two to three seconds or even longer, so that you don't have to worry about him. disappeared from sight.If his eyes are always closed, it means you are completely out of his mind. Self-important people not only extend the interval between blinks to show their superior posture, but sometimes tilt their heads back to give you a long stare.Usually this gesture is used to express an attitude of contempt, but it is also performed when people feel that they are not valued as they should be.Generally speaking, prolonging the blinking interval is still part of body language in Western culture, especially people in English-speaking countries who consider themselves upper class often make this gesture.If the blinking rate of the other person becomes procrastinated in the process of talking with you, it means that your performance is not good enough and you need to adopt new strategies to stimulate the interest of the other person. If the blinking rate of the other person becomes procrastinated in the process of talking with you, it means that your performance is not good enough and you need to adopt new strategies to stimulate the interest of the other person.If you think the other person is doing this just out of arrogance, then you might as well reciprocate: when the person closes his eyes for a long time for the third or fourth time, take a quick step to the left or right.In this way, when they open their eyes again, they will have the illusion that you have disappeared; and then suddenly see you next to them, which will definitely scare them a lot.If the person you're talking to is blinking slowly and gradually starting to snore, you can definitely assume that the communication between you has failed. When people look up, down, left, and right, we often think we're looking across the room, but it's actually the brain searching for an escape route (much like monkeys and orangutans do this).Therefore, the look of looking around is a manifestation of people's insecurity about the person or thing in front of them. When you're talking to a particularly annoying person, your instinct is to look elsewhere for possible ways to get rid of that person.But as most of us know, looking away is a sign of losing interest in the conversation and can make the other person feel their own desire to run away.So, in order to avoid causing displeasure, we look more intently at the obnoxious conversational partner and fake interest with a tight smile.Such behavior is like the liars we mentioned before, all using increased eye contact to make themselves more authentic. In face-to-face communication, learning when to look at which parts of the other person's face and body will have a huge impact on the final communication outcome. After you read the next paragraph, please try the technique we have taught you right away.You will be pleasantly surprised to find that these techniques really work.It will take you about a week to practice these skills before they become skills you can use in your daily interactions. Gazes can basically be divided into three categories: social gazes, ambiguous gazes, and majestic gazes expressing power. 1. Gaze in social situations 普通社交中目光投向的区域我们的实验表明，在普通的社交活动中，注视者的目光主要集中在由对方的两只眼睛和嘴巴组成的三角区域内，大约有90％的时间里目光都停留在这个三角区域。在普通的社交活动中，注视者的目光主要集中在由对方的两只眼睛和嘴巴组成的三角区域内，大约有90％的时间里目光都停留在这个三角区域。我们通常是在毫无威胁感的环境下把目光投向这个区域，而且，我们注视的目光也会让对方觉得安心，认为我们没有侵略性。 2. 暧昧的目光 当两个人从较远的距离逐渐走近时，他们会很快地扫视对方的脸和其他较低的身体部位，以便判断对方的性别，然后第二眼便是衡量自己对对方的兴趣有多大。这种带有暗示的暧昧目光所投向的部位一般是从对方的两眼之间往下延伸，一直到下巴以下的身体部位。在近距离相遇时，目光投向的区域可能是一个三角形，由两只眼睛和胸部组成；而在远距离相遇时，目光则可能向下延伸到腹部甚至更低的部位。 暧昧的目光所投向的地带男人和女人都通过这种暧昧的注视目光向对方表达自己的兴趣，而对方如果也对眼前的人很有好感，就会回报以相同的注视。尽管很多人都强烈否认，但通过录像机的真实纪录，我们发现大部分人都是在别人身体上迅速扫视两眼后，才把目光停留在对方的脸上，哪怕就是修女，也有着这样的本能反应。 如前所述，女人宽阔的周围视野让她们能够一眼看遍男人的全身，在对方无法察觉的情况下，就已经从头到脚地把对方看了个清清楚楚。可惜男人只有管状视野，所以他们在打量女人全身上下时，目光的移动特别明显。这也就是为什么男人在近距离和女人打交道时，常常会因为目光在女人身上不安分地扫来扫去而遭到责骂。相反，女人们就很少遇到这样的麻烦（尽管调查显示女人的眼睛其实比男人更不安分）的确，并不是男人比女人更好色，这都怪男人的管状视野让他们蒙受了好色的骂名。 女人宽阔的周围视野意味着永远不会被逮住；男人的管状视野意味着永远都会被逮住 在交谈时把目光投向地下，对于男人和女人有着不同的含义。对男人来说，这样的动作表示他想再好好看看这个女人。对女人来说，这可能有双重含义：一是再仔细看看这个男人；二是以低垂的目光向男人传递出温顺的信号。 为什么男人总是很难和女人彼此对视呢？因为眼睛不是长在胸部上。 3. 威严的目光 想象对方的额头正中长了第三只眼睛，把你的目光投向假想的第三只眼睛与其他两只眼睛所组成的三角区域内。这种注视所造成的效果是让他人感觉到你的威严和可信。目光投向这个区域能够 产生威严的感觉这种威严的注视不仅会使气氛变得十分严肃，而且能让那些讨厌的人立刻闭上嘴巴。将你的目光锁定这个三角区域，被你盯着的人就会始终有遭到威逼和胁迫的感觉。 将你的目光锁定这个三角区域，被你盯着的人就会始终有遭到威逼和胁迫的感觉。只要你不把目光移到对方眼部以下的区域，压迫感就会始终伴随他们。在友好或是浪漫的场合，千万不要采取这种威严的目光。但是如果你想要吓唬谁，或者有什么人总是絮絮叨叨惹人烦，那么就亮出这个招数吧。一定非常奏效。 如果你的眼睛看起来显得温和柔弱或者怯懦无力，我们建议你练习这种威严的凝视，来让自己更具备威严的感觉。当你可能受到别人的攻击时，试着不要眨眼，并且死死盯住对方的眼睛。盯着攻击者的时候，要把眼皮压低，视线尽量集中在对方的眼睛上。这种目光也是肉食动物在袭击猎物前使用的眼神。如果你面前站着好几个人，你还可以在不眨眼的情况下将目光在他们身上一一扫视。这样，看到你这种目光的人一定都会感受到恐惧的情绪。 千万别去招惹终结者 我们还要进一步提醒你，在用目光扫视其他人时，应该先移动眼球，然后再让头部跟随自己的目光缓缓转动，但是你的肩部必须始终保持静止。在电影《终结者》中，面对那些妄想控制人类的智能机器人，阿诺德·施瓦辛格就是用这种威严的凝视，把恐惧的情绪注入他们的心中。不过，无论如何，更明智的做法是不要招惹那些难以打发的人，只跟和善友好的人打交道，这样你就不必使出威严的凝视这一杀手锏了。 如果一个人老是东张西望，或是在谈话时总是不看对方的眼睛，那么我们对这个人的信任度就会急剧下降，如果一个人老是东张西望，或是在谈话时总是不看对方的眼睛，那么我们对这个人的信任度就会急剧下降。尽管他或许只是出于害羞才这么做。我们有位客户是个初出茅庐的政治家，对接受电视采访这类事情不是很在行。每次只要上电视节目，他的眼睛就忍不住在采访者和摄像机之间游移不定。这样的做法让他的荧屏形象大打折扣，观众们会感觉他的眼睛贼溜溜的。所以他每次一上电视，声望就会随之下跌。我们给他提供的培训方案是集中自己的目光，让他在接受采访时把目光锁定在采访者身上，而忽略掉摄像机的存在。这个训练非常行之有效，使他的支持率有了明显提升。我们的训练方案也并非是单一的，很多时候要因人或者因事而异。比如另一位政治家身份的客户，他要参与一个电视直播的政治辩论会，我们训练他在回答问题时目光尽量停留在摄像机上。这样做虽然会疏远直播间里的150位观众，但却能打动电视机前成千上万的观众，因为电视观众们会感觉这位政治家正在跟他们进行面对面的直接交流。 在一家婚介机构的帮助下，我们围绕一次男女速配的电视节目展开了实验调查。我们告诉参加这次速配约会的男人，约会对象跟他们的个性非常投合，他们一定会玩得很开心，而且还会找到中意的伴侣。但是，我们又对每个男人都做了一个特别说明：他的约会对象有只眼睛在孩提时代受过伤，而且这只眼睛至今都有点不太灵便，女孩对这一点也特别敏感。我们还告诉男人，具体是哪只眼睛受过伤我们也不清楚，但是如果凑近了仔细观察，应该还是能发现。我们对所有参加速配的女人也做了同样的特别说明，尤其是再三强调如果女人近距离观察约会对象，就能找到那只受过伤的眼睛。于是，在速配活动中，所有的约会男女花费了整个晚上的时间用心观察对方的眼睛，想要认出哪只眼睛曾经受过伤。当然，这种努力自然是徒劳无功的。可是，这样的安排却促成了相当不错的速配结果，约会男女享受了十分亲密而浪漫的速配过程，而且乐意再次约会的比例非常高，比婚介机构往常的平均纪录超出了200％。 长久的注视会激发亲密的情感。 如果想让约会的男女速配失败，你可以分别对他们谎称约会对象的听力有点问题，所以他们在说话的时候音量必须比平时提高10％，才能和约会对象顺畅地交流。这种安排会让这对速配男女说话的声音越来越大，也许整个约会将逐渐演变成彼此的高声咆哮。 很多人都曾经听到过这样的教导，在推销或是应聘的场合，应该从见到对方的第一眼开始就始终和对方保持积极的目光交流，直到自己落座为止。但是这种做法却会给会见者和访客都造成麻烦，因为这违反了我们和陌生人第一次见面的一般行为习惯。事实上，男人在第一次见到某个女人时，他会先打量这个女人的头发、双腿、身材以及整体的精神面貌。所以，如果女人一开始就执著地与男人进行目光交流，就会限制男人的视线。于是男人不得不在谈话的过程中，不断地偷瞄女人身体的其他部位，同时又因为担心被女人发现而变得心烦意乱，甚至无法专注于谈话的主题。很多女人对这一点感到非常失望，认为这样的情况不应该发生在如今这个男女平等的商业世界。但是不管女人们高兴与否，事实就是事实，隐形摄像机所记录的大量商务会谈场面都证明男人在面对女人时总是难以管住自己的眼睛。 当一个女人走出房间时，所有人都会偷瞄她的屁股，哪怕他们并不喜欢这个女人的长相。不管女人们是否乐意，这就是事实。 摄像机的纪录还显示，女会见者在初次见到访客时，也会走同样的流程，不管这个访客是男人还是女人。只不过因为女性宽阔的周围视野，所以她的上下打量不容易被人察觉。在接待相貌不佳、穿戴庸俗的女性访客时，女人往往比男人更加苛刻。而且，女人在面试男性求职者时，不仅会留意男人头发的长度、衣服的款式和搭配，还会观察男人裤子的褶皱和皮鞋的光泽。当应聘者走出房间时，女面试官甚至会留心应聘者的鞋底的磨损情况，对这一点相信大部分男面试官根本不会注意到。 了解了人们在初次见面时的一般行为习惯后，我们就可以总结出一些应对策略了。当你参加一个商务会谈时，在见到会见者的时候先礼貌地跟他握手，然后给他提供两三秒钟的时间，让他可以从容地上下打量你，形成对你的总体印象。当你参加一个商务会谈时，在见到会见者的时候先礼貌地跟他握手，然后给他提供两三秒钟的时间，让他可以从容地上下打量你，形成对你的总体印象。你可以利用这点时间打开自己的公文包或是文件夹，也可以整理一下可能用到的资料，或者把外套挂起来，把椅子拉得更近一点，然后抬起头来看着会见者。根据我们拍摄的会谈录像，我们发现这样的策略不仅能让访客给会见者带来较好的第一印象，而且有助于访客获得更好的销售成绩。 人们眼球的转动能够表现出内心所想，所以，我们通过观察他人目光的动向，可以解读出他们正在回忆某个看过的、听过的、闻过的、尝过的或是摸过的东西。这种观察技巧是美国心理学家葛瑞德和班德勒的研究成果。我们通常将之称为神经语言程序学（Neurolinguistic Programming，英文简写为NLP）。 简而言之，如果一个人正在回忆某个看过的东西，他的目光会投向上方。如果是在回忆某个听过的声音，他的目光会投向侧面，同时脑袋略微倾斜，做出一副仿佛在聆听的样子。如果他正在回味某种感觉或是情绪，他会把目光投向右下方。如果他仅仅只是在内心里自言自语，他的目光就会投向左下方。 正在回忆某个画面正在回忆某个声音 正在回味某种感觉在心里跟自己自言自语 但是，由于这种目光的转向往往是在瞬间发生，同时又还伴随着其他的手势，所以我们很难对这些信号进行实时的解读。不过，通过录像带我们就能发现人们嘴上所说的和心里实际所想的有着多么大的差异。 35％的人经常喜欢将目光转向视觉信息频道，同时伴随着诸如“我明白你的意思”、“你能查看一下这里吗？”、“那真是再清楚不过了”，或是“你能让我看看吗？”等话语。如果这个时候你拿出照片、表格或是曲线图给他们看，就一定能够抓住他们的注意力。 25％的人更偏爱听觉频道，当他们的目光投向侧面时，经常会说出这样一些语句：“门铃响了”、“我听到你的声音了”、“这个声音听起来不对劲”等。这部分人喜欢跟其他人保持融洽合拍的关系。剩下40％的人更喜欢将目光转向感觉频道，同时可能会说：“让我们把这个问题解决了吧！”或是“我们部门真该注射一针兴奋剂”。这部分人感情充沛而具有行动力，如果他们对你说“我没有太明白你所说的意思”，那么你就应该用实例来展示自己的观点，尽量让他们通过切身体验来“明白你所说的意思”。 NLP是一个了不起的研究成果，同时也是强有力的沟通工具，它应该被列为一个独立的研究课题。我们在书后列有参考书目，其中就有葛瑞德和班德勒的著作，我们建议读者用心研读这两位专家的著作。 作为专业的会议发言人，我们总结出了一些技巧，用以吸引观众的注意，并且让观众投入到会议发言中来。如果台下的听众不超过50人，那么我们可以做到与每一位听众都进行目光交流。但是，如果是在更大型的会议上，我们的舞台往往就会离听众席有一定的距离，所以得采用其他的方法实现与听众的交流。当你发言的讲台离第一排听众有10米左右的距离时，你可以在听众席的几个角落以及正中设立几个固定的参照物，将你的目光在这几个参照物之间转换。这样，每个方向都会有20~50名听众会认为你在跟他们进行独立的目光交流，于是你就能跟大部分的听众建立起较为亲密的交流关系了。 在可视化会议中，与会者所接收到的信息83％都来自于眼睛，只有11％来自于耳朵，还有6％来自于其他感官。当你借助图书、表格、曲线图或者笔记本里的资料陈述自己的观点时，你必须牢记一点：努力把握听众的目光，确保他们都在看你所列出的材料。因为研究表明，在可视化会议中，与会者所接收到的信息83％都来自于眼睛，只有11％来自于耳朵，还有6％来自于其他感官。 在可视化会议上，不同的感官为大脑接收信息所起到的作用 美国沃顿商学院的研究表明，口头陈述能够被听众所记住的部分只有10％。美国沃顿商学院的研究表明，口头陈述能够被听众所记住的部分只有10％。这就意味着单凭语言表达自己的意见时，你必须反复重申自己的核心观点，才有可能给听众留下深刻印象。相比而言，如果你将口头语言与视觉信息结合起来阐述自己的看法，听众就会记住50％的信息。也就是说，借助可视化资料的帮助，你能够将信息传递的效率提升400％。研究还表明，借助视觉信息还能让商务会议的平均持续时间从257分钟缩短为186分钟——足足节约了28％的时间。 为了控制交谈对象的目光，你可以用钢笔指着面前的材料，同时用语言进行阐释。接着，提起钢笔，把它放置在你和交谈对象的眼睛之间。这一做法能够吸引对方抬起头来看着你，这样他就能更集中注意力地倾听，从而最大限度地接收你所传递的信息。记住，当你说话的时候，应该一只手拿着钢笔，另一只手的手掌则保持平摊的姿势。 提起钢笔的魔力——在发表意见的时候用钢笔来控制对方的目光 我们还发现女人在开会时比男人更注意和别人保持目光交流，特别是在她们没有发言的时候。不过一旦女人开口说话，她们就变得比男人更不注重和听众之间的目光交流了。 在会议中，男人会把目光更多地停留在女人身上，但是女人的目光则不会明显偏向于男人。当男人在发言的时候，底下的男性听众决不会老是盯着这位发言人，可如果是个女人在发言，情况就会大不相同了。 在面对面的交谈中，目光所投向的方位会对交谈结果产生重大影响。 如果你是一位经理，要训斥犯错的下属，或者你是一位要训斥孩子的母亲，那么，你该采用哪种目光呢？如果你是一位经理，要训斥犯错的下属，或者你是一位要训斥孩子的母亲，那么，你该采用哪种目光呢？如果你用普通社交场合的目光看着挨训的人，你的训斥就无法触到他们的痛处，不管你用多大的嗓门或者多么具有威胁感的话语。社交场合的目光会削弱训斥的威力，暧昧的目光则会让挨训的人感到窘迫或是尴尬。没错，这个时候就应该采取威严的目光，这将会让犯错的人感受到你的怒火，并且铭记教训。 用恰当的目光为你的言辞增加威信。 男人通常所说的传达“诱惑”的表情，在女人身上就体现为目光斜斜一瞥、瞳孔扩张和暧昧的目光。如果一个女人想故意装出难以接近的样子，以激发男人进一步主动追求，她就会用社交场合的目光取代暧昧的目光。但是实际上，不管女人采用何种目光，大部分男人都难以感应到女人发出的求爱信号。当然，威严的目光是决不能在求爱时采用的，因为这无疑会给人贴上冷酷或者不友善的标签。同样，你也不能对有意向的合作伙伴投去暧昧的目光，不然很可能会坏事。女人们非常擅长利用目光传递和解读信息，但可惜的是，男人们在这一点上却相当迟钝。当男人向女人投去暧昧的目光时，女人立刻会心了然；可是面对女人暧昧的目光，男人们却往往无动于衷。碰上这种反应迟钝的男人，那些用目光传递求爱信号的女人一定相当有挫折感。