Chapter 7 Chapter 7 Signals of hand touching face

What do you think bill clinton was thinking when he faced the jury What would happen if you were honest with everyone around you?Or you always say what comes to your mind, so what happens next?Let's take an example. You greet your boss: "Good morning. Boss, you good-for-nothing fool." A male salesperson said to a female customer: "Susan, thank you for your patronage! In addition, please allow me to say boldly, you really have a pair of proud twin peaks!" A woman said to her male neighbor: "Thanks for helping me lift. Oh, you have a really strong and sexy ass. But what terrible hairdresser ruined your hair?"

You say to your mother-in-law: "It's a pleasure to see you again, meddling and sarcastic old woman." When a woman asks you, "Does this dress make me look fat?" How would you answer? If you're a man of the moment, you're sure to compliment her on how good-looking she is.But you might be thinking to yourself, "It's not the dress that makes you look fat, it's all about the cake and ice cream you ate." If you are always outspoken to everyone, you are bound to be a lonely person, and you may even be sent to a mental hospital or prison for the rest of your life.Some lies are a kind of lubricant, which can maintain friendly social relations between people.We call such lies "white lies" (White Lies), because the purpose of it is to comfort others, so as not to let the cruel truth chill people's hearts.

Surveys show that people who are good at "lying" are more popular than those who are outspoken, even when people know that they are telling lies.Unlike "white lies", "malicious lies" refer to lies that deliberately deceive others for their own personal gain. When people lie, the least reliable information often comes from the parts of people who have the easiest self-control, such as language.When people lie, the least reliable information comes from the parts of people that are easiest to control, such as language, because it can be practiced repeatedly.The most reliable clues are people's subconscious gestures, because this part is difficult to deliberately control.The subconscious reaction when lying is often triggered by the emotional fluctuations of the liar.

Robert Feldman, a scholar at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, conducted a survey of 121 couples and arranged for them to talk to a third person.He asked one-third of the respondents to show a lively and lovely appearance, another third to show a shrewd and capable face, and the rest of the respondents to only show their true selves.All respondents were then asked to watch a video of the conversation and point out any lies they had told during the conversation, no matter how trivial the lie was.Some lies are just white lies.For example, when talking about someone you hate, claiming to like this person; some lies go a little further, such as falsely claiming that you are the star of a rock band.

Overall, Feldman found that 62 percent of respondents told an average of two to three lies every 10 minutes.James Patterson, the author of The Day America Told The Truth, interviewed more than 2,000 Americans and found that 91% of the interviewees often lie whether they are at home or at work. . Telling the truth is always the best option, unless you are a flawless liar. —JK Jerome So how do you spot someone else's lies?Is it based on the other party's hesitant attitude or a thoughtful look?Some of the most useful observation skills are recognizing common gestures when lying, and knowing the gestures of hesitation, boredom, and thought.The body language you will learn in this chapter will allow you to peer into the inner world of others.First let's start with the lie.

The three monkeys in the picture below symbolize those who do not hear evil, see no evil, and speak no evil.This simple act of touching your face with your hand is the most basic reaction people have when they are lying.In short, we inadvertently cover our mouths, eyes, or ears with our hands when we see, hear, or tell a lie.Do not hear evil, see no evil, speak no evil When people hear bad news or witness tragedy, they often cover their entire face with their hands.This means they don't want to hear or see those horrible things again.This gesture is also the unanimous reaction of people all over the world after hearing about the "9/11" terrorist attacks.

As we have discussed before, children tend to touch their faces very visibly when they are lying.For example, when a child tells a lie, he will cover his mouth with one or even two hands, trying to keep those lies from coming out of his mouth.If he doesn't want to hear his parents' scolding, he will block his ears with his hands to prevent those scolding from getting into his ears.If he saw something scary, he would cover his eyes with his hand or arm.And as he gets older, these gestures become quicker and less noticeable.But he still made these subconscious gestures when covering up his lies or perjury.

These gestures are also closely related to skeptical or exaggerated attitudes.Desmond Morris once conducted research among nurses. He arranged role-playing scenarios for nurses and asked nurses to lie about their illnesses to patients.The results showed that nurses who lied made more gestures of touching their faces with their hands than nurses who told the truth.Both men and women stimulate saliva production when lying, but this is often only seen in men because their Adam's apple makes the swallowing action more pronounced. "There is nothing between me and that woman." The politician touched his nose and said while swallowing.

As stated at the beginning of this book, we will analyze the various gestures individually and explore their hidden meanings separately.However, in real life, the gestures that people make are not always single.Every gesture is part of a huge body language system, just like individual words in a whole sentence. We not only need to recognize the relationship between words, but also grasp the meaning of the whole sentence through the context.When a person touches his face with his hand, it doesn't necessarily mean that he is lying.This kind of gesture just shows that he may deliberately conceal some information, and by further observing his other gestures, you can confirm or dispel your guess.Therefore, it is very important to avoid interpreting individual gestures in isolation.

Although we can't tell whether someone is lying based on any single gesture or facial expression, as long as we systematically master some gestures that are related to each other, the chances of detecting lies will be greatly improved.Although we can't tell whether someone is lying based on any single gesture or facial expression, as long as we systematically master some gestures that are related to each other, the chances of detecting lies will be greatly improved. People's faces undoubtedly play the most important role in trying to conceal a lie.We put on cover by smiling, nodding and blinking, but unfortunately, our body language doesn't keep pace with our facial expressions, always giving the truth away inadvertently.Our faces are constantly revealing our true attitudes and emotions, yet most of the time we don't know it.

The hesitation that flashed across his face spoke of his inner emotional struggle. Whenever we try to cover up a lie or a sudden thought, a momentary hesitation appears on our faces.When we see someone touch his nose quickly with his hand, we often assume it's an itchy nose.When people put their hands on their cheeks while talking, we take it to mean that they are engrossed in the conversation, and we have no doubt that they are bored to the core.For another example, a man brags to others how harmonious his relationship with his mother-in-law is, but every time he mentions his mother-in-law's name, the muscles on his left face will instantly lift, and an imperceptible sneer flashes across him.This action immediately allows us to capture his true inner feelings. In "Why do men lie and women cry?" (Orion Publishing) we see how women are better than men at reading words and manipulating others by lying appropriately.This characteristic can even be manifested in little girls.For example, a little girl's tears can come when she says so, and she can also cause other children to cry with her by crying out loud. Dr. Sanjida O'Connell, author of "Mindreading," conducted a five-month study on how people lie and concluded that women lie far more than men.She found that women were able to invent more complex lies, while men could only tell simple lies, such as "I missed the bus" or "I couldn't call you because my phone was dead."She also found that attractive people are more likely to be trusted by others than mediocre people.This may explain why leaders such as John F. Kennedy and Bill Clinton were able to get away with what they did. As we said in Chapter 3, most people agree that when a person is lying, they smile more than usual.The survey found the opposite, that people smiled less when they lied. The difficulty with lying is that our subconscious mind is self-conscious and independent, and cannot keep up with what we say, so body language will give away the secret.The difficulty with lying is that our subconscious mind is self-conscious and independent, and cannot keep up with what we say, so body language will give away the secret.So people who rarely lie, no matter how convincing their lies, are easily caught.From the moment they lie, their body language consistently reveals messages that don't match the lie, messages that make it feel like they're not telling the truth. Throughout the process of lying, people's subconscious minds radiate tense energy that elicits gestures that contradict the spoken word.Professional liars, such as politicians, lawyers, actors and TV anchors, train their posture to make their lies invisible.So people were fascinated by their charm one after another, and all fell into the trap of lies. These professional liars generally achieve this effect in two ways.First, they can repeatedly practice the gestures and gestures that they agree with the lie, but this method requires long-term lying experience to be effective.Second, they can reduce their gestures so that they don't show any positive or negative gestures when they lie, but this is also not easy to do. Repeated practice makes a convincing liar, just as an actor hone his skills. Here's a simple experiment: Tell someone an elaborate lie face-to-face, while consciously suppressing all physical movement.You will find that even if you control the more obvious body movements, countless subtle movements will still emerge subconsciously.For example, the twitching of facial muscles, the dilation and contraction of pupils, sweating, blushing, the frequency of blinking from 10 times per minute to 50 times per minute, etc., all these subtle physical reactions show that you are lying.Through the slow-motion camera, we will find that these subtle body signals will only be released in an instant, and only those professional interviewers, sales experts or people with particularly keen observation skills can capture them. Obviously, if you want to hide your lies, you have to find ways to hide your body.We see the prisoner being interrogated either sitting on a chair outdoors or under a light, his whole body is within the line of sight of the interrogator, in which case his lies are more easily exposed .Lying is much easier as long as the body is partially blocked, such as sitting behind a desk, or with a fence or even a door in front of you.Therefore, the most suitable channels for lying are phone calls and e-mails. 1. Cover your mouth with your hand The hand over mouth gesture subconsciously covers the mouth with the hand, indicating that the liar is trying to restrain himself from telling those lies.Sometimes people cover their mouths with a few fingers or a clenched fist, but the meaning is the same. Some people fake a cough to cover up their mouth covering gesture.For example, we often see actors playing robbers or criminals on TV. They often make such actions when they discuss criminal plans with other gangsters or are interrogated by the police. Covering the mouth subconsciously with the hand indicates that the liar is trying to restrain himself from speaking those lies.Viewers then feel that these people are sneaky or lying to the police. If a person covers his mouth while speaking, he is probably lying.If other people cover their mouths when you speak, it may be a sign that they think you may be hiding something.For a conference speaker, seeing someone covering their mouths while speaking is one of the most disturbing gestures.In this case, he should stop speaking and ask the audience, "Do you have any questions?" or "I found that some friends don't agree with my point of view, let's discuss it together." Presenting their own objections, the speaker also has the opportunity to explain his position and answer questions from the audience.It is worth noting that the folded arms of the audience have the same meaning as the gesture of covering the mouth. Covering your mouth with your hands is like putting your index finger in front of your lips to say "Shh", it is a gesture that means don't speak rudely and don't offend others. The "shh" gesture is a common gesture parents make to their children.When children become adults, this gesture is to remind them not to express their inner thoughts at will.It is important that you understand that this gesture means that someone is hiding something from you. If your parents or nanny made this gesture to you as a child, it's time to brush it up as an adult 2. Touch your nose touch nose gesture The gesture of touching the nose is generally rubbing the lower edge of the nose with the hand a few times quickly, sometimes even just a slight touch, which is almost imperceptible.Women make this gesture with less movement than men, perhaps to avoid smudged makeup. We have to keep in mind that touching the nose needs to be interpreted in conjunction with other body language, and sometimes people just make this gesture because of hay fever allergies or colds. Scientists at the Smell and Taste Therapy and Research Foundation in Chicago found that when people lie, chemicals called catecholamines are released, causing cells lining the nasal passages to swell.Scientists have also revealed that blood pressure can also rise as a result of lying, using special imaging machines that can show blood flow inside the body.The technique revealed that people's noses increase in size due to increased blood flow during lying, a phenomenon scientists have dubbed the "Pinocchio effect".Increased blood pressure causes the nose to swell, which triggers the nerve endings in the nasal cavity to send an itchy sensation, so people can only frequently rub their noses with their hands to relieve itchy symptoms. Although you can't see the dilation of nasal blood vessels with the naked eye, it is indeed what triggers the gesture of touching the nose.Similarly, when a person is in a state of restlessness, anxiety, or anger, the blood vessels in his nasal passages will also dilate at the same time.When a person is in a state of restlessness, anxiety, or anger, the blood vessels in his nose can also swell. "I didn't have sex with that woman" American neuroscientist Alan Hirsch and psychiatrist Charles Wolf delves into Bill Clinton's testimony to a jury about the Monica Lewinsky sex scandal, They found that Clinton rarely touched his nose when he told the truth.But whenever Clinton lied, he would inadvertently frown slightly before the lie came out, and touch his nose every four minutes, a total of 26 nose touches during his testimony.Contrary to frequent nose-touching, Clinton never touched his nose at all as long as he answered the questions honestly, the two scientists analyzed.Using body imaging cameras, we can see that when men lie, their penises engorged with blood.Perhaps the jurors should have pulled down Clinton's pants to see if he was lying, without asking weird questions like the following. The jury prosecutor asked, "Mr. Clinton, why did the chicken cross the street?" Bill Clinton replied, "What do you mean by chicken? Can you please define a chicken? I didn't cross the street with those chickens anyway." 3. What is a normal itchy nose If a person's nose is itchy under normal circumstances, then he must rub his nose more vigorously, or even pick his nose to get rid of the itchy feeling, instead of just touching his nose lightly.Like the covering-mouth gesture, the speaker's nose-touching signaled that he was covering up a lie, and the listener's gesture indicated that he was skeptical of the speaker's words.The simple itching of the nose often only triggers a single gesture of rubbing the nose repeatedly, and has no connection with the content, frequency and rhythm of people's entire conversation.i don't want to see it 4. Rubbing the eyes Among the three clever monkeys, there is a monkey who warns people to "see no evil".When a child does not want to see something, he covers his eyes with his hand.When an adult sees something unappetizing, he is likely to rub his eyes.The brain rubs the eyes in an attempt to prevent the eyes from witnessing deception, doubt, and unpleasantness, or to avoid confronting the person who is being deceived.A man tends to rub his eyes vigorously while making this gesture; if he's trying to cover up a big lie, he's likely to turn his face away.In contrast, women make less eye-rubbing gestures, and they generally just touch gently under the eyes.A man tends to rub his eyes vigorously while making this gesture; if he's trying to cover up a big lie, he's likely to turn his face away.In contrast, women make less eye-rubbing gestures, and they generally just touch gently under the eyes.On the one hand, this is because the ladylike style restricts them from making rude gestures, and on the other hand, it is also to avoid smudged makeup.However, like men, women also turn their faces away when lying to avoid the gaze of the listener. "Lying through your teeth" is a common saying.The idiom embodies a range of body language, including clenched teeth, fake smiles and rubbing eyes.Movie actors often use eye-rubbing gestures to show the hypocrisy of characters.In the so-called polite countries, such as the United Kingdom, people often use this gesture to cover up when they don't want to tell you the truth. 5. Ear scratching Let's imagine a scenario.You say to someone, "This thing costs just over four thousand dollars." The other person scratches his ear, turns his head to the side, and says, "But that seems like a lot of money to me." Here The gesture of scratching the ear expresses the listener's attempt to "don't listen to evil", that is, by covering the ear with the hand or pulling the earlobe to prevent oneself from hearing the words that you don't want to hear.As we mentioned earlier, children cover their ears with both hands in order to avoid scolding from their parents, and the ear scratching gesture is the adult version of this body language.There are also many variations of ear scratching gestures, including rubbing the back of the pinna, inserting fingertips into the ear canal to pick out the ear, pulling the earlobe, folding the entire pinna forward to cover the ear hole, and so on. I Don't Want to Listen to It can also be the ear-scratching motion people make when they think they've heard enough, or want to talk. Like the nose-touching gesture, ear-scratching can signal that the person is in a state of anxiety.Like the nose-touching gesture, ear-scratching can signal that the person is in a state of anxiety.Prince Charles often makes ear-scratching and nose-rubbing gestures as he walks into packed rooms or passes crowds.These movements reveal the nervousness inside him.However, we have never seen Prince Charles making these gestures in a relatively safe and private car in photos or video materials. However, in Italy, ear scratching is often seen as a sign of femininity and even homosexuality.Uncertain manifestation 6. Neck scratching The neck scratching gesture is to scratch the area on the side of the neck just below the earlobe with your index finger (usually the index finger of the writing hand).We concluded from observations that people typically scratch their index fingers five times for each gesture.The number of index finger movements is rarely less than five or more than five.This gesture is a sign of doubt and uncertainty, and is equivalent to saying, "I'm not sure whether I agree with you." When the spoken language and this gesture do not agree, the contradiction will be particularly obvious.For example, if someone says "I totally understand how you feel" while scratching his neck at the same time, we can conclude that he doesn't really understand. 7. Pull the collar Lying can tingle the sensitive nerve tissue in the face and neck, so people have to rub or scratch to get rid of the discomfort.Desmond Morris was one of the first scientists to discover this phenomenon.Not only does this phenomenon explain why people scratch their necks when they're in doubt, it also explains why liars tug at their collars when they fear being caught.This is because the increased blood pressure of the liar will cause the neck to sweat continuously when the liar senses the suspicion of the listener. It's hot under the collar When a person is angry or frustrated, he will also pull the collar away from his neck, so that cool air can pass into the clothes and cool the anger in his heart.When you see someone doing this, you might as well say to him, "Can you say it again, please?" or "Please just say it, okay?" Show his feet. 8. Put your fingers between your lips The gesture of placing a finger between the lips is closely related to sucking on the mother's nipple in infancy, and is a subconscious longing for the security in the mother's arms.People often make this gesture in stressful situations.Toddlers hold their thumbs or blankets in their mouths as a substitute for the mother's nipple, while adults show by placing their fingers between their lips, or by smoking, smoking a pipe, holding a pen, biting an eye-rest, chewing Chewing gum etc. desire for security Much of the hand-to-lip movement is associated with lying and deceit, but the gesture of placing a finger between the lips is just an outward expression of an inner need for security.Therefore, when you meet someone who makes this gesture, you might as well give him promises and guarantees, which will be a very positive response.Much of the hand-to-lip movement is associated with lying and deceit, but the gesture of placing a finger between the lips is just an outward expression of an inner need for security.Therefore, when you meet someone who makes this gesture, you might as well give him promises and guarantees, which will be a very positive response. We believe that a good public speaker is born with a keen eye for knowing when the interest of the audience is high and when the interest is low.A capable salesperson can accurately judge whether he has hit the customer's "hot button" ("hot button" is a very popular word in marketing in recent years, in short it is "hot spot", which refers to the "hot button" in the sales process. The focus that can strongly stimulate the customer's desire to buy.), and quickly find the buyer's interest.The feeling of emptiness is what every show host tries to avoid, because it will make the guests feel indifferent to their show host, and it is difficult to squeeze out a few words, and they just watch indifferently.Luckily, there are plenty of hand-to-cheek and chin body language that can be used as a thermometer to gauge the heat or cold of another person's emotions.There's plenty of hand-to-cheek and chin body language that can be used as a thermometer for how hot or cold another person's emotions are.By learning these body languages, people will be able to judge whether their performance is in place during the speaking process. Support your head with your hands so you don't accidentally fall asleep When the audience makes the movement of supporting their heads with their hands, it means that they have already felt bored in their hearts. Using their hands as a support is to prevent their heads from lowering and falling asleep unconsciously.Audience boredom correlates with the size of the arms supporting the head.Generally speaking, at first people will only support the chin with one thumb, and then gradually change to support the chin with the whole fist as the level of boredom increases.When the lack of interest is extreme, people will fully support their heads with their palms (as shown on the left).The most tired body signal is putting your head on your hands while snoring loudly. Many professional speakers mistakenly think that the audience's tapping their fingers on the table and frequently tapping their feet on the floor is a response to boredom. In fact, these movements are signs of impatience.When you're speaking in front of a large audience, if you see these body language messages, you must strategically do something to keep those banging tables and kicking the floor focused on your speech Come, so that the negative reactions of these listeners do not infect other listeners.Once the audience makes both boredom and impatience, it tells the speaker that it is time to end the speech. An audience member asked the speaker: "Do you talk in your sleep?" "No." The speaker replied. "Then please don't talk in my sleep," said the audience. The speed of finger and foot tapping depends on how impatient the listener is. The faster the tapping speed, the more impatient the listener is. The thinking gesture is placing the clasped hand on the chin or cheek, usually with the index finger raised.This gesture changes quietly when people start to lose interest in the speaker's topic, but want to pretend to be interested out of politeness.As boredom struck, the wrist that was lightly touching the face gradually became the support of the head.This gesture changes quietly when people start to lose interest in the speaker's topic, but want to pretend to be interested out of politeness.As boredom struck, the wrist that was lightly touching the face gradually became the support of the head. Thinking gesture showing interest: head held in an upright position, hand lightly resting on cheek have different opinions Many middle managers often use this gesture to feign interest when the company's chairman delivers a long, uninteresting presentation.But unfortunately for them, as long as they use their hands as a support for their head, no matter what position they adopt, such an action will give away their sincerity.Therefore, the chairman may think that these managers are hypocritical, or they only know how to flatter them.If people just rest their hands lightly on their cheeks, rather than as a support for their head, that's a sign of genuine interest.If you put your index finger up and put it against your cheek, and put your thumb under your chin at the same time, it means that the listener has a different or even opposite opinion from that of the speaker.Sometimes the listener may rub his index finger against his eyes as the objection continues. This position is often mistaken for an ecstatic response, but the thumbs resting on the head can reveal a critical attitude from the listener.In fact, body language can also affect people's emotions. The longer a person maintains this posture, the longer the critical attitude in his heart will last.Therefore, after the speaker sees such a signal, he must act immediately, either to bring the audience into the ongoing topic, or to stop his speech.We recommend a simple move: take a random object, pass it to the dissenting listener, and subtly ask him to change his posture, which will prompt a subsequent change in his attitude.He's tired of hearing it, or not interested at all Rodin's sculpture The Thinker shows the thinker in deep thought; however, the posture of the body and the hands supporting the head portray the dejected side of the thinker There was a man from overseas applying for a position with our company and we arranged an interview for that.During the interview, the man kept his arms and legs crossed, showing a deliberate attitude, and he rarely made any gestures with his palms, and his eyes were always wandering.It was clear that he harbored some kind of worry, but at the beginning of the interview, we did not have enough information to judge the meaning of these negative body language.We then asked him some questions, trying to get to know his former employers in his hometown, but he responded with lots of eye-rubbing and nose-touching gestures, and still looked left and right.In the end we didn't hire him because his body language contradicted what he was saying.Afterwards, out of curiosity, we got in touch with the applicant's references overseas.It turned out that the candidate had indeed fabricated a false work history during the interview.He may think that foreign employers should not bother to make overseas calls to verify all the information from their referees.And if we ignored the signals conveyed by body language, we might have admitted him by mistake. If you have the opportunity to speak in front of people in the future, you may wish to carefully observe the audience below while explaining your point of view. You will find that most of the audience will put one hand next to their cheeks during the listening process, which means that they are in the midst of thinking.As your speech draws to a close, the audience will often stop the thoughtful gesture and move their hand to their chin as they ask for their opinions and suggestions on your point of view.The overall language is that they are considering how to make a decision. Most listeners put a hand next to their cheek while listening, which means they are thinking. Thinking about how to make a decision Female version of stroking chin gesture As listeners rub their chins and consider how to make a decision, their subsequent gestures become all the more important, because they often predict whether they will give a yes or no answer.At this time, the most important strategy you should adopt is to observe calmly and try to capture the information conveyed by their body language.For example, if the listener crosses his arms and legs after stroking his chin, or presses his back against the back of a chair, he is likely to object.So, with accurate anticipation, you can seize the opportunity to speak first and reiterate the most persuasive parts of your point of view.It will be more difficult to reach agreement if you wait until someone else has objected. If the audience stretches their arms and leans forward after making the chin stroking gesture, or picks up materials such as proposals and test samples you provide, then he is very likely to give a positive opinion.You can completely see these body language as the audience's tacit approval of your point of view, just feel free to continue to express your own opinions. Not everyone follows a thoughtful gesture with a chin stroke.Some people who wear glasses will take off their glasses, bite the end of the glasses frame with their mouths, and meditate silently; some smokers will slowly exhale smoke when considering how to make a decision.These body language are signs of hesitation.When you ask someone for advice and they put a pen or finger between their lips, it means that they are still hesitating and need more time or information to help them make a decision.The thing placed on his lips provided a suitable excuse for his hesitation, making him feel that he didn't need to give an answer so urgently. It is not only a gesture of thinking, but also a gesture of considering how to make a decision Sometimes people make tired gestures, thinking gestures, and decision gestures at the same time. These different gestures represent different elements that make up the parties' opinions.As shown in the picture above, the thinking gesture should have been to place the hand next to the cheek, but this person's hand has moved to the side of the chin, and the hand is stroking the chin.思考的手势与抚摸下巴的手势同时出现，表现出这个人正在一边思考发言者的提议，一边总结自己的结论。思考的手势与抚摸下巴的手势同时出现，表现出这个人正在一边思考发言者的提议，一边总结自己的结论 当听众开始对发言人的演讲失去兴趣时，就会把头靠在手上休息。下图中的人正是如此，尽管依然保持着思考的手势，但是随着兴趣减退，大拇指已经成为了头部的支撑 思考的手势、做决定的手势和厌倦的手势，三者合而为一阿诺德·施瓦辛格（Arnold Schwarzenegger）正在阐释自己的看法，一旁的电视节目主持人仔细地倾听和思考着 这个手势表示：“真是麻烦啊” “Pain in the neck”在字面意思上是脖子痛，但这句俗语却是用来指讨厌的人和麻烦的事。脖子痛与讨厌的人和事之间为什么能够扯上关系呢？这是因为当你觉得某个人很讨厌时，脖子后面微小的肌肉组织就会呈现乳突状——我们经常将之称为鸡皮疙瘩。这种身体上的反应是从远古时代延续下来的。在人类还没有进化为直立行走的智人之前，浑身都有着浓密的毛发帮助御寒，在感受到危险临近或者极其愤怒时，脖子后面的肌肉便呈现出乳突状，从而使毛发竖立起来。现在，我们在狗的身上也能见到这种反应，当一只狗被另一只怀有敌意的狗激怒时，它脖子后面的毛就会竖起来。对于我们人类来说，沮丧和恐惧都会让脖子后面隆起一片鸡皮疙瘩，让我们有刺痒的感觉。所以，我们只能用手抓挠那块区域，以消除身体的不适。 让我们设想一下，假如你拜托别人帮你做件小事，结果他却把这事儿给忘了。然后，当你向他问起事情办得怎么样时，他很可能会用手拍着前额或者后颈，似乎是用责打自己的方式表示懊恼和歉意。尽管用手拍击头部的动作常被视为健忘的象征，但关键的是要仔细观察对方拍击的是前额还是后颈。如果他拍着自己的前额，那说明他对自己的健忘并没有特别在意，也不太担心你会兴师问罪。可如果他拍打的是后颈，那就表示你的提问已经让他的脖子后面起了鸡皮疙瘩。所以，虽然他是在责打自己，但他的心里实际上是在烦你。 用手拍击脑袋，惩罚自己的健忘 美国谈判协会的杰勒德·尼伦伯格先生发现，在拍击自己的头部时，习惯于拍击后颈的人很可能个性较为内向或者为人比较刻薄；而那些习惯于拍击前额的人则可能更加外向而且容易相处得多。在拍击自己的头部时，习惯于拍击后颈的人很可能个性较为内向或者为人比较刻薄；而那些习惯于拍击前额的人则可能更加外向而且容易相处得多。 想要在不同的情境下准确解读用手接触头部的身体语言，必须经过长期的积累，培养敏锐的观察力。如果你在生活中看到别人做出用手接触头部的手势，恰好是在本章中所讨论过的，那么你有理由认为他的内心隐藏着某些负面的想法。 问题是，这个负面的想法是什么呢？它可能是怀疑、隐瞒、不确定、吹嘘、忧虑，或者干脆就是撒谎。真正能体现水平的地方就在于如何确认那个负面的想法到底是什么。想要做到这一点，最好是仔细观察对方的每一个手势，并且从整体上来分析他内心的真实想法。 我们有一位名叫鲍勃的同事，他非常喜欢下国际象棋。有一次，我们在和他一起下棋的时候，偷偷地用录像机拍摄下了全过程，打算对他在下棋时的身体语言进行分析。 录像带显示，在比赛中，鲍勃只要对下一步棋的走法没有把握，就会做出抓耳朵或者摸鼻子之类的手势。我们还发现，当对手接触到某颗棋子，打算移动这颗棋子时，鲍勃的身体语言也会暴露出他对这颗棋子的动向怀有怎样的想法。如果他觉得自己可以对付得了这步棋，或者是已经想好了应对的法子，那么他的十指就会松弛地合在一起，显示出自信十足的样子；相反，如果他对此毫无把握，或者不希望对手走这步棋，他就会用手遮住嘴巴，或是拉扯耳垂、抓挠脖子。 我们把这些可以为对手提供预判的手势，私底下告诉了国际象棋小组的其他成员。很快，大部分人都能通过鲍勃的身体语言准确预测他的想法，并且把可怜的鲍勃杀得片甲不留。更可怜的是，鲍勃至今都被蒙在鼓里，因为我们没有把这本书送给他看过。 我们设计了一个面试官和应试者的角色扮演场景，并且进行了录像。在面试官提出一个问题后，应试者突然用手触摸了自己的嘴唇和鼻子。他的这个手势持续了几秒钟的时间，然后又重新回到了轻松自然的姿态，开始回答问题。而且从这时起，他始终保持着开放的身体姿势：大衣的纽扣是松开的，手掌也经常做出动作，回答问题时不断地点头，并且身体前倾。结合这么多表现，我们认为那个接触嘴唇的动作实在有些古怪，和整个情境完全不符。事后，当大家一起回看录像时，我们问那位应试者，为什么会突然冒出用手盖住嘴唇的动作。应试者说，当面试官向他提出问题时，他认为有两种回答方式：一种是消极的回答，另一种是积极的回应。他在揣测如果做出消极的回答，面试官对此会有何反应时，不知不觉地用手盖住了嘴巴。而当他开始思考积极的回应方式后，手便自然而然地放了下来，重新回到了开放松弛的身体状态。“如果采用消极的回答方式，面试官会有怎样的反应呢？”仅仅是发生在一瞬之间的疑惑，便导致了应试者做出用手盖住嘴唇的手势。 这个事例说明在现实生活中，用手接触头部的手势是多么容易被误读，并可能由此将我们带向错误的结论。用手接触头部的手势是多么容易被误读，并可能由此将我们带向错误的结论。