Chapter 9 Chapter 9 Personal Space and Domain

"I'm sorry to bother you... but, you're sitting in my seat" Countless books and articles have been written about the importance animals place on territory.Whether it is large livestock, birds, fish, monkeys, orangutans, they will mark their territory in various ways and guard against the invasion of their own kind.But it was not until recent years that we discovered that humans have similar behavioral habits.If you can understand the subtle human sense of personal space, you will pay more attention to what you say and do, and you will be able to more accurately predict their reactions when you interact with others face-to-face.American anthropologist Edward Hall (Edward Hall) is undoubtedly a pioneer in the study of human "territorial possession".In the early 1960s, he creatively named this subject "proxemics".The name of this subject is derived from the word "proximity".Hall's research in this field has given us a refreshing understanding of the relationship between people.

The territory of each country has a clear border line, and some border areas will also be armed with guards.Each country will be divided into several smaller territories to form states and counties.There are also smaller towns in the states and counties, and the towns are divided into several districts.Each district is composed of many streets, and for the people living in these streets, that small residential area is their restricted territory.In the movie theater, we often engage in a silent confrontation with the stranger next to us for the armrest of the seat.Similarly, everyone has an invisible loyalty to his homeland, and he even fights bloody to protect his homeland.

People often regard their own area or space as their own territory, as if this territory is an extension of their body.There is such a territory around everyone, such as a fenced house, the interior of a private car, your own private bedroom and chair, and even, as Dr. Hall discovered, invisible and intangible things around your body. That circle of air. It is this invisible personal space that we will be discussing in this chapter, and in the following you will learn how people react when personal space is invaded, and how to maintain the same level as others in certain situations. The importance of arm distance.

Most animals regard a certain area around their body as their own private territory, and the size of this territory mainly depends on the degree of crowding of the animal's growth environment and the density of local animal distribution.Therefore, the size of private land is determined by the overall local environment.The lions that grow in the vast land of Africa have their private territories within a radius of about 50 kilometers, or even larger, depending on the density of lion subdivisions in the area.Lions mark their territory by urinating and defecating at the boundaries of their territory.However, if the lions are closed and fed with other lions in a place like a zoo, the private space they need may only be a few square meters, which is a helpless choice due to the degree of crowding.

Personal space is like the big bubble we carry around Humans, like most animals, have their own personal space, a large portable bubble that invisibly surrounds our bodies.No matter where we go, the space inside this "bubble" is our personal space.Humans, like most animals, have their own personal space, a large portable bubble that invisibly surrounds our bodies.No matter where we go, the space inside this "bubble" is our personal space.Like an animal's territory, the size of a human's personal space depends on the population density in the environment in which he grows.This also means that the size of personal space is also related to cultural background.In the cultural background of some countries, such as Japan, people have become accustomed to crowded environments; but people in many other countries prefer a wide personal space and hope that others can keep a proper distance from themselves.

Studies have shown that people in prisons seem to have a stronger need for personal space than in most social areas, so prisoners will always become aggressive when facing people approaching them.If the prisoner is held alone, the prisoner's emotions can be calmed down.In the 1890s, airlines lost revenue sharply due to discounted tickets. In order to improve profitability, the company increased the number of seats on the plane, and the distance between passengers became more crowded than before, resulting in conflicts among passengers. happens sometimes. Now we will start to explore the radius of this "big bubble".In this book, we will mainly study the middle class in Western cultural backgrounds, such as those living in Australia, New Zealand, the United Kingdom, North America, and Northern Europe, or those living in relatively "westernized" areas such as Singapore, Guam, and Iceland. people.The countries where readers are located may have different needs for personal space from the groups discussed in this book due to differences in cultural backgrounds.But in any case, the research results we provide can still be used as a good reference.The need for personal space takes shape when we are twelve-year-olds, and it falls into four distinct patterns.In different personal spaces, we will need "bubbles" with different spacing.

1. Private space The radius of the private space is 15 cm to 45 cm.Among all the different modes of personal space, the distance between private spaces is the most important, because people have a particularly strong protective psychology for this space, just like treating their own private property.Among all the different modes of personal space, the distance between private spaces is the most important, because people have a particularly strong protective psychology for this space, just like treating their own private property.Only people or animals who are particularly close to us emotionally are allowed into this space, such as lovers, parents, spouses, children, close friends, relatives and pets.In this space, there is a more private area, that is, the area with a distance of less than 15 cm from our body.Generally, we only allow others to enter this area for intimate physical contact.We can also call this area a special private space.

2. Private space The radius of private space is 0.46 meters to 1.2 meters.We typically keep this distance from others at cocktail parties, company dinners, and other friendly social occasions. 3. Social space The radius of social space is 122m to 36m.We keep this distance when dealing with people we don’t know well, such as people we meet for the first time, plumbers or carpenters who come to repair homes, postmen, convenience store owners on the street, new colleagues, etc. 4. Public space The radius of the public space shall be more than 36 ​​meters.When we speak in front of a large group of people, we tend to choose this area, because we feel more comfortable with a distance greater than 3.6 meters.

Different spacing of personal space in four zone modes All the gaps mentioned above are likely to shrink when women are dealing with women; conversely, if they are dealing with men, the gaps may increase. Others generally enter our private space (within 15 cm to 45 cm from the body) in two situations: first, the intruder is a close relative or friend, or a lover who caresses us; second, The intruders are hostile and even ready to attack us.As we said earlier, people can only tolerate strangers entering their personal and social spaces.Therefore, a stranger intruding into a private space can cause an immediate physiological response in our body.Our heart beats faster, a large amount of adrenaline is injected into the blood vessels, and the blood stream sends adrenaline to the brain and muscles, so our body is ready to attack or flee at any time.

That said, if you hook up with someone you're meeting for the first time, even if you're acting very nice and nice, the other person will find it very offensive.Even though they may be all smiles and seem to like you quite a bit, you need to know that it's just because they don't want to offend you. Compared with men, women keep a closer physical distance between each other, prefer to look at each other and talk to each other more, and have more physical contact with each other. If you want to make a good impression, the golden rule of "body spacing" must be adhered to.If you want to make a good impression, the golden rule of "body spacing" must be adhered to.Only when the relationship with others is closer, others will be willing to let us get closer to him.For example, a newly hired employee may feel that others are cold to him when he first interacts with his colleagues, but this is only because everyone is still unfamiliar with him, so he will only be allowed to enter the social space.As everyone gets to know each other better, the distance between bodies will gradually shorten.Finally, other colleagues will be willing to let the new employee into their personal space, or even private space if they have a good relationship.

When two people hug each other, the distance between their crotches reveals how close they really are.Lovers cling to each other's bodies as they approach each other's intimate space.But when kissing strangers on Christmas Eve, you will find that whether it is your close friend's spouse or a kind and elderly Aunt Sally, when they kiss you, the pelvic area will keep a distance of more than 15 cm from you. There is also a special case of spacing in personal space, that is, personal space based on social status.For example, the president of a company may go fishing with his subordinates on weekends. When they enjoy leisure time in the countryside, they may enter each other's private space or even private space.But back at work during the workday, the president keeps public spaces at arm’s length from his fishing buddies, as he does from other employees, because he needs to maintain unwritten social status norms in this way. In crowded concerts, movie theaters, or in trains or cars, personal privacy will inevitably be invaded by others, and people's reactions at this time can be described as varied.Below we outline how people react in crowded environments, whether in a full elevator, in a queue at a sandwich shop, or on public transportation.The responses we have listed can be regarded as unwritten laws, because they are common in the cultural background of most countries. The following are the general rules when taking an elevator: 1. Do not talk to anyone, including people you know. 2. Always avoid eye contact with others. 3. Keep a serious expression without showing any emotion on your face. 4. If you have a book or newspaper in your hand, pretend to be engrossed in it. 5. In a crowded crowd with a large number of people, the body remains motionless. 6. Keep an eye on the change of the number of elevator floors. As long as people try to hide their true emotions, they put on a deadpan mask to keep others from prying into their hearts.These behaviors are a "pretend" and happen on a variety of occasions.As long as people try to hide their true emotions, they put on a deadpan mask to keep others from prying into their hearts. It is often said that in public transportation during the rush hour, the faces of office workers are full of "pain", "unhappiness" and "depression".These labels are all used to describe the deadpan faces of office workers.But many people don't know that they misread these expressions.What we're really seeing is people's collective camouflage.As stated above, in crowded public places, when privacy is inevitably invaded by others, people's reaction is usually to put on a deadpan mask. Passengers on the subway aren't depressed, they're just masking their true feelings. Next time you go to a crowded movie theater by yourself, pay attention to how you react.When your seat is surrounded by the faces of strangers, feel how you obey the above-mentioned unwritten laws, like a pre-programmed robot, wearing a mask of your own camouflage in a crowded public environment .And when you and the stranger next to you silently compete for the armrest of the seat, you must understand why those who watch movies alone always wait until the lights go out to start the movie.In fact, we can treat others as transparent when they inadvertently invade our personal space, whether it’s in a crowded elevator, movie theater, or bus—that is, as long as we don’t care or care about them. Our body will not enter a tense defense state.Whether it’s in a crowded elevator, movie theater, or bus, we can treat others as transparent when they inadvertently invade our personal space—that is, as long as we don’t notice or care about their presence , our body will not enter a tense defense state. When a mob or a group demonstrates for a certain purpose, mass demonstrations and dispersal actions will behave quite differently, and this obvious difference has to do with personal space.As the density of the demonstrators increases, the personal space of each marcher will be squeezed smaller and smaller, so they will feel hostility towards each other.This can also explain why when the scale of the parade increases, the mood of the demonstrators becomes violent and irritable, and the conflict also falls into a situation that is on the verge of breaking out.At this point, if the police manage to disperse the crowd, the marchers will regain their personal space and the mood will calm down. Only in recent years have governments and town planners realized the possible consequences of high-density housing projects that sacrifice residents' personal space.People have used deer as a research material on James Island to analyze the impact of high-density living environment.This island is located in Maryland, USA, about two kilometers from the Chesapeake Bay.With the increase of the deer population density, the deer on the island died in batches. Although the food on the island was sufficient, the threatening carnivores seldom appeared, and the plague, infection and the like did not happen.Similar research results have been obtained when mice and rabbits were used as research materials in the early years.Further in-depth investigations revealed that the cause of the deer's death was an overactive adrenal gland.It is precisely because of the increase in residential density that the deer's private space continues to decrease, which puts more and more pressure on the deer, which leads to abnormal activity of the adrenal gland.The adrenal gland plays an important role in the growth, reproduction and immunity of animals, so it is not difficult to understand why the deer herd died in large numbers because of the adrenal gland being overactive, not because of starvation, infection or attack by predators.The findings also explain why areas with the highest residential density have the highest rates of crime and violence. Having a place of our own is one of our deepest longings.It's this desire that gets us the personal space we need. When interrogating criminals, interrogators often use techniques of invading personal space to break down the criminals' resistance.They put the prisoner in a hard, armless chair, in the middle of an empty room, and kept approaching his private space, even a particularly private space, until he was willing to answer honestly.Usually, prisoners can hardly bear the torture of having their private space violated, and soon give up resistance. When a person seeks his space among strangers—a seat at a movie theater or a conference table, a towel hook in a health club—there is a pattern to his actions.He usually looks at the relatively spacious area first, and then chooses the position in the middle as his own space.Specifically, if it is a movie theater, he will find a seat in the area between the nearest audience member and the end of the row, and finally take a seat in the middle between two points.If it's a health club, he'll look for a spot in the area with the most empty towel hooks, and choose to hang in the middle of the empty towel rack, at the same distance from the hooks used by others on either side; or he might look for a seat like in a movie theater That way, choose a spot that's halfway between the top of the towel rack and the nearest other person's towel hook.This etiquette of keeping a distance is to avoid offending others by getting too close or too far away. Among strangers, we only allow doctors and hairdressers into our intimate spaces.However, at any time, our private space will be open to our pets, because they will not pose a threat to us. If you don't choose to be in the middle of the row and the adjacent audience in a movie theater, that adjacent audience may have something on their minds.If you are too far away from him, he will suspect that you hate him as a person; if you are too close to him, he will feel threatened again.Therefore, adhering to the etiquette of "the middle law" is to maintain a harmonious atmosphere between people.For most, though, this code of conduct seems to take a lot of practice.Adhering to the etiquette of "the law of the middle" is to maintain a harmonious atmosphere between people.For most, though, this code of conduct seems to take a lot of practice. Only in public restrooms will there be a special case of this "middle law" of keeping distance.We found that 90% of the time when people enter public restrooms, they go straight to the farthest toilet seat; if that toilet seat is occupied, people will use the "right middle rule".When men urinate in public urinals, they try to avoid standing next to strangers and never make eye contact with others. Here's a simple and fun experiment you can do the next time you're at a dinner party with others.Respect for personal space is an unwritten rule, so you can see that restaurants will carefully arrange salt, pepper, sugar, flowers and other table items on the line in the middle of the table, so that every day Each customer's seat can be treated equally.The size of the personal space is the same, and the distance to pick and place the condiments is basically the same.During the party, try quietly moving the salt shaker to a companion, and then the pepper, flowers, etc.Before long, your lunchtime companion is having a subtle reaction to the invasion of his personal space.He will either sit away from the table to regain his personal space, or he will put everything in front of him back in the center of the table. There was a young Italian couple who immigrated from Italy to Sydney, Australia, and they were invited to join a local club.But after a few weeks, three female members of the club complained that the Italian man kept seducing them and made them feel uncomfortable.A male member of another club also said that the Italian woman also acted similarly and seemed to want to give him some kind of sexual hint. This is an example of the complexity of the spacing of personal spaces when different cultures collide.People in many southern European countries only require a radius of 20 cm to 30 cm for private space, and in some areas this distance is even smaller.The Italian couple felt comfortable maintaining a 25cm physical distance from their Australian friend, completely unaware that they had invaded each other's intimate space (Australians have a 46cm radius).And, given that Italians are more prone to eye contact and physical contact than Australians, it is inevitable that other members of the club will further misunderstand their motivations for approaching them.The Italian couple were astonished when they learned of the club members' accusations.Fortunately, the problem was solved very well in the end-the Italian couple tried to keep a little distance from each other when talking, respecting the distance of personal space in the Australian cultural context. Being close to the private space of the opposite sex is a way of expressing goodwill to the opposite sex. We can regard this approach as "courtship". If the other person backs away and tries to keep a distance from you when you approach, it means that your attempts to gain privacy have been rebuffed.If the other person backs away and tries to keep a distance from you when you approach, it means that your attempts to gain privacy have been rebuffed.If the "court" is accepted by the other party, the other party will stand in place and allow you to get closer.When a woman gauges how interested a man is in her, she tries to enter a man's private space and then back out.If the man also has a crush on the woman, he will read the woman's hints and step into the woman's private space. The closer you are emotionally, the closer you will be physically. Ordinary social activities that seem pleasant to Italian couples can turn into "courtship" or "seduction" in the eyes of Australians.And while Australians keep pushing back for the comfort of their own personal space, Italian couples think they're cold and unsociable. Acceptable physical distance for conversing in most Western European, Northern European and Scandinavian urban dwellers This man has no strong need for personal space, forcing the woman he is talking to to lean back to protect his personal space As shown above, when a man invades a woman's personal space, the woman reacts negatively.She leaned back, trying to keep a comfortable distance.However, the man's cultural background determined that he needed less personal space, so he continued to move closer to maintain a comfortable distance.In the eyes of a woman, this behavior of a man is likely to be interpreted as a sexually suggestive behavior. At international conferences, city-born Americans usually keep a distance of 46 centimeters to 122 centimeters from others, and they always stand in place when talking to others.But if you look closely at a conversation between a Japanese and an American, you will see that the two are moving slowly across the room as they talk, the American always backing away, and the Japanese always moving forward.This is because both sides of the conversation (Japanese and American) are adjusting their own personal space to feel comfortable.Therefore, the Japanese who only need a personal space with a radius of 25 cm will keep getting closer to the person they are talking with to meet their needs for space; but Americans feel that their private space has been invaded, so they have to keep backing away to meet their needs. own need for space.The video recording this scene will show a very funny phenomenon when it is fast forwarded: the two men seem to be waltzing in the room, and the Japanese is leading the dance. This can partly explain why Asians, Europeans and Americans always look at each other with doubts in international business negotiations.This can partly explain why Asians, Europeans and Americans always look at each other with doubts in international business negotiations. In the eyes of Europeans and Americans, Asians are "entangled" and "casual" people; while in the eyes of Asians, Europeans and Americans are "cold" and "unfriendly" people .It is the difference in cultural background that makes it difficult for people to realize the changes in the personal space needs of people in different regions, so it is easy to misunderstand or make inaccurate inferences about people in other countries. Two people from the city shake hands and say hello to each other, they extend their hands to a distance of 46 cm from their bodies As we mentioned earlier, a person's need for personal space is related to the population density of the area where he lives.For example, people who grow up in sparsely populated rural areas need more personal space than those who grow up in densely populated cities.Therefore, when a person shakes hands with others, we can judge whether he is from a big city or a small country by observing the extent of his hand extension.People who grow up in the city usually need a personal space with a radius of 46 cm.This radius is also the distance between the wrist and the body when they shake someone's hand. Extending your hand to the edge of your personal space allows two people to say hello to each other without invading each other's personal space.People who grow up in rural areas with low population density usually need personal space with a radius of more than 1 meter.Again, this is the distance they keep between their wrist and their body when shaking someone's hand. Two people from the countryside extend their hands 1 meter away from their bodies while shaking hands People in the country usually stand still and lean forward to shake your hand when they say hello, while people in the city step up to shake your hand.People who grow up in remote areas will also need more personal space, with a maximum radius of 6 meters.People in these areas do not shake hands when meeting each other, but stand at a distance and wave hello to each other. People in remote areas maintain greater physical distance when meeting Agricultural equipment salesmen who grew up in the city will find the above information very useful when they do door-to-door sales in remote rural areas.For example, a farmer may need a personal space with a radius of 1 to 2 meters. Then, if you shake hands with him, he will feel that his personal space has been invaded, resulting in displeasure or resistance.Those excellent salesmen from the countryside agreed that when greeting customers in the countryside, although you can shake hands, you should not get too close; when greeting farmers in remote areas, you only need to wave your hands from a distance.Those excellent salesmen from the countryside agreed that when greeting customers in the countryside, although you can shake hands, you should not get too close; when greeting farmers in remote areas, you only need to wave your hands from a distance.Sales that begin in this manner are most likely to result in a satisfactory sale. The house a person owns and the space he often uses together constitute his private territory.When these territories are invaded, he will fight to defend them.Home, office, and car all represent a person's private territory, and people will use things such as walls, iron gates, fences, and doorways to clearly demarcate the edges of the territory.The interior of each territory will also be divided into several small territories.For example, a member of the family may regard the kitchen as his exclusive territory, and no other members are allowed to enter the kitchen when he uses the kitchen; a business person in the company may have a special preference for a certain seat in the conference room , and regard it as their own exclusive space; similarly, maybe a certain customer of the coffee shop will particularly favor the seat in the corner, and the mother or father at home will also have their favorite chair, and so on.All of these areas are either property that people own or spaces that people often use.In order to fully occupy his favorite seat, the customer in the coffee shop will even engrave the capital letters of his name on the table; the business person in the company will use folders, pens, books, clothes, etc. to mark his own seat. Wait for things to fill up the private space with a radius of 46 cm. Desmond Morris has studied the phenomenon of library seating.He found that leaving one of his books or other small items on a library chair saved the seat for an average of 77 minutes; leaving one of his jackets saved the seat for two hours.At home, each family member also places personal items such as handbags, magazines, etc. on their favorite chairs to show their exclusive right to the space. When you meet with your boss in the office, if the boss invites you to sit down, but you inadvertently sit in the seat the boss likes instead of the seat he designated, then the boss will definitely be punished because his personal territory has been invaded. Anxiety breeds, and with it, defensiveness.In fact, a simple question can resolve such embarrassment. "Which seat is yours?" Ask this one more time before you take your seat, so you won't stray into the boss's private territory by mistake. "Which seat is yours?" Ask this one more time before you take your seat, so you won't stray into the boss's private territory by mistake. Motorists tend to treat car-related private properties very differently from ordinary private properties. Cars may magnify people's need for personal space, and at some point, this need may be ten times larger than normal.That is to say, when driving a car, people will feel that they need a personal space of 8 meters to 10 meters in front of and behind the car.If another driver overtakes our car while driving, even if this driver does not bring us any danger, our body will still have a physiological reaction, such as becoming angry or even wanting to Attack the driver.This physiological reaction is known as "road rage".By contrast, how would we react if someone stepped in front of us as we walked towards the elevator, invading our personal space?Generally, in such situations, we act with humility and allow the other person to step into the elevator first.The difference between this attitude and the reaction to being overtaken while driving on the highway is so striking! Once in the car, people think that they can disappear from the sight of others.That's why people in cars dare to flirt and caress in full view. For some people, a car is a cocoon that protects them, a hiding place in the world.As they drive slowly along the side of the road to gain distance from other vehicles, the car's tires nearly drive into the gutter; the need for more personal space makes them take risks on the road.Italians, who have always had relatively low requirements for personal space, are often accused of following cars too closely or protested for chasing other vehicles on the highway.In fact, this is just because the Italian culture prefers to keep a closer distance with others. Who are they?Where did it come from? Look at the picture below, and based on what we've discussed about personal space, make assumptions about the situation the two people in the picture are in.A few simple questions and further careful observation will allow you to avoid false inferences while helping you arrive at correct answers. We can make any of the following inferences about the two people in the picture: 1. Both men are from the city, and the man is approaching the woman ambiguously. 2. The man needs less personal space than the woman's, and the man is unaware that he has invaded the woman's personal space. 3. The cultural background of this woman does not require much personal space. 4. These two people have a good impression of each other. How we treat other people's personal space can make the difference between being liked or hated.Therefore, no matter who you greet, you have to pat the other person on the shoulder, or always touch the other person's body when chatting. This kind of careless person is disgusted in everyone's heart.There are so many factors that can affect the physical distance people keep from each other, so when you think about why people keep a certain distance, make sure to consider every little factor before making a decision. Judgment, this is the most sensible course of action.When you're thinking about why people keep a certain distance, it's wisest to consider every nuance before making a judgment call.