Chapter 2 Chapter 2 Power is in the palm of your hand

In ancient times, people used open palms to show that they were not hiding any weapons in their hands Today is Adam's first day at the public relations firm, so he wants to make a good impression.When the supervisor introduced Adam to each colleague one by one, he shook hands with each colleague warmly and nodded to each other with a smile at the same time.At 6.3 feet (1.9 meters tall), Adam is imposing and well-dressed, looking like a successful public relations practitioner.According to the handshake experience taught by his father when he was young, Adam tightly held the hands of each colleague and shook them vigorously.In fact, he shook hands so hard that two of his female colleagues had bloodshot fingers from wearing rings, and many felt their hands were sore after shaking his hand.

As a result, some male colleagues also tried their best when shaking hands with Adam, as if they wanted to compete with him.In most cases, men usually tend to choose the way of communication with tit for tat, but women usually choose to remain silent and choose to be patient.So, shortly after Adam entered the company, a saying spread among female colleagues, "It's best to keep a certain distance from that new Adam—he's not a man to mess with!" Although male colleagues never I don't think so, but the female colleagues in the company will inevitably minimize their contact with Adam because of this, and in this company, more than half of the managers are women.

In fact, the reason why I told you this story at the beginning of the second chapter is to tell you that no matter what kind of person you are, such as a clumsy vulgar person, a capable person who speaks one word, or a person who struggles hard to make ends meet As an ordinary person, you must understand the importance of our hands in daily communication.Sometimes, in order to ask for help or take the lead, we often have to take the initiative to extend our hands to show friendship, or simply open our palms frankly and show our last cards.However, no matter what, please remember that you must never do bad things with your own hands, and don't believe that washing your hands in a golden basin can completely wash away the mistakes you made with your hands.For, if you betray your own hands, then, at the same time, you lose control of them.If you betray your hands, you lose control of them at the same time.

Our hands have played such a vital role in human evolution that they are more connected to the brain than any other part of the body.However, when we communicate and communicate with others, few people pay attention to the movements of our hands, or pay attention to the way of shaking hands, and think carefully about it.But, do you know?The few seemingly insignificant handshakes at the beginning of meeting others can predict the position you will occupy in future interactions with the other party and the attribution of power between you two: whether you can control the overall situation or not Will you just have to obey, or will you take hard measures to seize control?

Since ancient times, when people see open palms, people tend to think of frankness, honesty, loyalty and humility, which describe excellent qualities.Today, many solemn oaths require people to place their palms on the heart to show frankness; in court, witnesses need to raise their palms to confirm the authenticity of their testimony; They will hold the Bible in their left hand, and then extend their right hand to the congregation to show God's love and humility.If you want to know whether the other party is being honest, the most direct and effective way is to observe his palm movements.We have probably all seen such a scene: after a fierce battle, the defeated puppy usually sticks out its tongue, expressing compromise or surrender to the winner.In fact, we can also find similar movements in ourselves, but we use the palm of our hand instead of our tongue.People usually use open, clear palms to show their sincerity, or to inform the other party that they have no malicious intentions.

Puppies who surrender will stick out their tongues as a sign of friendliness.People will show their palms. In order to show their innocence or show their sincerity, people usually spread their palms and say something like "I didn't do it", "I apologize if I did something wrong" or "Let me tell you the truth" .When people start to open their hearts, or want to tell the truth, they are likely to unintentionally show all or part of their palms.As with most bodily movements that convey tiny messages, this one is entirely subconscious.And when you see such action, your "gut feeling" will tell you that he is not lying.

Whenever children tell a lie, or hide something, they usually hide their hands behind their backs.In the same way, if a man doesn't come home all night, when he faces his wife's questioning, in order to hide his whereabouts last night and prevent his wife from knowing the fact that he went out with other men at night, he will probably answer his wife's question. Ask a question by putting your hands in your pockets or in a pose with your arms folded over your chest.However, his action made his wife feel that he was lying.When a woman wants to hide something, she will usually deliberately avoid the issue, or talk about other topics that have nothing to do with it. At the same time, she will probably do other things to distract the other party. attention.

No matter where, people will intentionally express their frankness and sincerity with the help of open palms. A man's lies are often betrayed by his own body language. Women like to use busyness to cover up their flustered emotions when they lie. Hands in pockets: Prince William told the media that at this moment, he does not want to talkBecause, if the other party's reason for refusing to buy is established, they usually expose their palms to the other party's sight.In the process of frankly stating the reasons for refusing to buy, in addition to stating the reasons, people usually make some hand movements and show their palms from time to time.However, if the other party just wants to find a reason to prevaricate the salesperson, he may say the same thing, but hide his hands from the salesperson's sight.

Putting your hands in your pockets is also a posture that men prefer, but do you know the meaning behind this posture? When a guy makes this gesture, he's actually trying to tell you that he doesn't want to be part of the conversation.When a guy makes this gesture, he's actually trying to tell you that he doesn't want to be part of the conversation.In general, we “signal” far more through our palms than the rest of our body, so our palms are like the vocal cords of our body language, and when we hide our hands or put them aside, it’s like someone’s talking to us. He blocked his mouth and couldn't say anything.

Some people may ask, "If I don't hide my hands when I lie, will people believe what I say?" The answer can be yes or no.If you tell an outright lie with a lot of holes in it, even if you show your hand, your audience won't believe you because you'll be making other gestures and expressions along with your words.If your statement is not true, then the message conveyed by these gestures and expressions will contradict the meaning of the open palm.In this way, your lie will be self-defeating.However, con artists and those professionally trained liars can transform their unconscious body language into conscious actions through exercise, serving their own vocal words, making their lies sound or appear It's all so seamless and watertight.From the point of view of using body language to defraud, the better the concealment skills of con artists, the better their chances of success.

"When I'm old and not beautiful, will you still love me the same?" she asked, spreading her palms. "At that time, not only will I still love you," he replied, "but I will also write love letters to you every day like I do now." However, the simple act of exposing our palms to both parties when we are talking to others may indeed make us appear more candid and earn us higher credibility.However, what is interesting is that when this action gradually becomes a habit of someone, the chances of this person lying are also greatly reduced.Many people find it impossible to tell a lie when their hands are out of sight, and the reason for this is the so-called law of cause and effect.If you don't hide anything from others and are completely honest with each other, then you will naturally expose your hands to the outside. However, when your hands are exposed outside your body, you will find that if you want to be in the It is quite difficult to tell a convincing lie at the same time. For example, if you feel that someone is trying to violate you, you will probably fold your arms across your chest in self-defense.But even though nothing happened, as soon as you put on the same pose, a sense of self-defense sets in.Moreover, if you put your hands in the sight of the other person while talking with him, you will also create a kind of psychological pressure on the other person, forcing him to tell the truth.In other words, the exposed palm will not only help prevent the other party from sending you false information, but also can urge him to be honest with you. Of all the body parts we use to signal our body language, the palm is the most overlooked, but also the most powerful.Of all the body parts we use to convey body language signals, the palm is the most overlooked, but also the most powerful.When we give instructions or give orders to others, and shake hands with others, some of our inner thoughts often show through the palm of our hand.As long as the method is used properly, the user can use the power of the palm to achieve their goals silently without any effort. There are three main types of gestures for conveying instructions with the palm of the hand: palm up, palm down, and a fist with one finger outside.The difference between these three postures can be understood by the following example: For example, you ask someone to lift something first, and then move it to another place.Let's imagine, if your tone of voice, your words and your facial expressions do not change during the process of conveying these two instructions, only the movements of your palms are constantly changing. How will it change? Palm up is a gesture used to express compromise, obedience and goodwill; at the same time, it is also a gesture commonly used by beggars to express their begging.From the perspective of the development of human society, people usually use this to tell each other: I don't have a weapon in my hand.When you ask someone to move something, the other person will definitely not feel pressured by your request, let alone feel intimidated by it.However, if you also have hand movements while speaking, the situation is quite different.If you want someone to talk, you can extend your right hand to him and make a palm up gesture to show "transfer of the right to talk", thus telling the other party that you want him to continue your conversation, and you are ready Always be prepared for the audience in the conversation that follows. palms up = harmless palms down = authoritative After thousands of years of evolution and development, the palm-up gesture has derived many variations, such as raising one hand and showing people with the palm, and pressing the palm on the heart, etc. derivative products. However, once you turn your palms over and make a palm-down gesture, your authority in the eyes of the other party will immediately increase.Take the above example of asking the other party to move something.When you use the palm-down gesture while speaking, the other party will not only immediately feel that you are ordering him to remove this thing, but also may develop a resistance.However, the generation of this kind of resistance is ultimately determined by the relationship between you and the other party, or by the level of your position at work with him. Flip your palm so that the palm that was originally up is facing down.Such a seemingly simple change of gesture can completely change the perception and attitude of others towards you. If you and the other party have equal status and status, when you make this request to him and make a palm-down movement, then he may refuse your request.If you and the other party have equal status and status, when you make this request to him and make a palm-down movement, then he may refuse your request.However, for the same request, if you use the palm up gesture, he is likely to follow your request.However, if you are his boss, then the palm down gesture does not seem to have any negative effect on your request, because you already have power over him.Adolf Hitler in his world-famous palms down salute When the Nazi saluted, the arms were stretched out, while the palms were in a horizontal position, with the palms facing down completely.This salute is a symbol of the Third Reich's unrivaled power as a world dictator.If Adolf Hitler saluted his subordinates with his palms up, no one would have taken this little man seriously.They will most likely just laugh it off. When a couple walks hand in hand, the dominant party, usually the male, will walk slightly ahead of the other party, and his hand will naturally press the hand of the wife who is following him. The palms of the hands naturally face the back.As for his wife, since her position is slightly behind, her palms will naturally move forward to meet her husband's palms stretched backwards.Although this is a small detail, it provides enough information for a body language observer to determine who is the head of the family. Fingers outstretched = "Do it now, or try it out" The third gesture is to put palms together and stretch fingers.When you make a fist with only one finger left, the only finger protruding from the fist seems to condense all the power of the entire palm, ready to trigger.When you point this finger at someone else while talking, the other person will immediately feel the force hidden behind the finger that forces people to compromise.Such gestures often create a negative impact in the opponent's subconscious, because the gesture must be followed by actions such as raising the arm and punching, and for most primates, this is usually an attack on the opponent the prelude. This kind of fist-stretching is most likely to arouse the disgust of the listener, especially when the finger shakes with the rhythm of the speaker's words, the disgust will become more intense.This kind of fist-stretching is most likely to arouse the disgust of the listener, especially when the finger shakes with the rhythm of the speaker's words, the disgust will become more intense.However, if we are not careful, each of us will make such gestures when we speak.In some countries, such as Malaysia and the Philippines, pointing with a single finger is an insult to the other person, as the gesture is only used on animals.Malaysians are accustomed to using their thumbs to guide others or point out objects. We did an experiment.In the experiment, we asked eight speakers who participated in the experiment to use these three gestures during a speech lasting about ten minutes.At the same time, we recorded the actions and expressions of the audience during each speaker's speech, and calculated their support rate for the speaker.After the experiment, we found that the speaker who used the palm-up gesture frequently won 84% of the audience's support; however, the content of the speech remained the same, and the speaker was only asked to use the palm-down gesture more frequently during the speech gesture, and as a result, its support rate immediately dropped to 52%.As for the speaker who used the third fist gesture, the support rate was even lower, only 28%, and during his speech, the audience even left early. The outstretched finger tends to trigger negative reactions in front of most audiences The speaker who used the last gesture not only had the lowest approval rating from the audience, but also had the lowest post-influence of the content of his speech, and the audience mostly failed to remember the main content of his speech. If you are used to using this gesture in your daily life and work, now, you might as well try to change your habit and replace it with two other gestures.If you are used to using this gesture in your daily life and work, now, you might as well try to change your habit and replace it with two other gestures.When you change this habit, you will soon find that after switching to the other two gestures, the tense atmosphere of interpersonal communication will be relieved immediately, and the attitude of others towards you will immediately change. A big improvement.However, if you really can't adapt to using other gestures, you can also try to make a benign improvement to this gesture: after making a fist, bend the originally straight and protruding fingers, press against the tip of the thumb, and make an "OK" " gesture.In this way, you will find that this improved gesture will not affect your original authority, but it will make you look more gentle and friendly.We've taught this approach to dozens of speakers, politicians, and business executives, and we've conducted follow-up surveys with their subordinates and audiences.It turned out that when they spoke using the modified fist gesture, subordinates and audience members reported that the speaker appeared "deep-minded," "purposeful," and "focused."When they spoke using the modified fist gesture, subordinates and audience members reported that the speaker appeared "deep-minded," "purposeful," and "focused." The gesture of pressing the thumb against the fingertip avoids creating a sense of oppression for the viewer People who habitually use the third gesture in conversation usually come across as "aggressive", "provocative" and "reckless", and the information and words transmitted through them are the least valued by the audience.When the speaker points directly at the audience with this gesture, the audience tends to turn their attention to the evaluation of the person and no longer care about the content of his speech. Shaking hands is a form of communication that our ancestors bequeathed to us.When people from two primitive tribes meet in a friendly atmosphere, they will first stretch out their arms and spread their palms to inform each other that they have no weapons in their hands.By the time of the Roman Empire, people tended to hide their daggers in their sleeves, so in order to protect themselves, the Romans adopted a new way of greeting: the wrist shake. Later, with the development of society, this ancient way of greeting has a new form with a very modern flavor, that is, the chain handshake method (that is, hands clasped, swinging up and down).Initially, this new type of greeting was usually only used by merchants of equal status and status when negotiating a sale.It wasn't until around the beginning of the 20th century that this way of greeting began to spread among the people. However, the users were still limited to men, and this phenomenon continued into modern times.Today, shaking hands has evolved into a very popular greeting in most Western and European countries.In various business meetings, dance parties and social activities, people generally use handshake to greet or say goodbye to each other at the beginning of meeting or parting, and more and more women are beginning to accept this A popular way of greeting. The handshake is a way of greeting invented by the Romans to confirm that no weapons are hidden in the sleeves of the other party. Shaking hands has gradually evolved into a method of communication that men use to maintain business relationships. Even in Japan, which is known for its traditional way of greeting, bowing, and Thailand, where "Wai" (Wai) is a gesture of putting hands together to greet others, the modern way of greeting others is shaking hands. very common.In most countries, after people hold each other's hand, they usually shake it up and down gently five to seven times before letting go.However, in some countries, the situation may be somewhat special.Germans, for example, shake hands gently two or three times, after which they hold a static handshake for two to three seconds before letting go.The French, who are romantic by nature, are not as introverted as the Germans. Whether it is a greeting or a farewell blessing, the French will warmly shake hands with you, and the way and time of shaking hands are more enthusiastic and longer than the Germans.So, think about it carefully, the French spend a lot of time shaking hands every day! Although shaking hands has become a customary way of greeting when people meet for the first time, it is not only a very common way of greeting, but also a rather sophisticated social skill.Shaking hands is not only an ordinary way of greeting, but also a very sophisticated social skill.In some cases, before extending our own hand, we should perhaps think, is it appropriate for me to extend my hand now and invite others to shake hands?Since people shake hands as a signal of trust and welcome, there are a few questions—and this is important—that we must ask ourselves before extending our hand to invite a handshake: Am I a recipient? Are you welcome?Will the other party happily shake hands with me when they see me, or is it just because they are forced to do it? When salespeople are trained, the trainer will tell them that when they meet with customers without notice or invitation, if they want to express friendship or sincerity by shaking hands actively, then the result will be very good. It might backfire.Because at this moment, customers may not welcome their arrival, and if they ask for a handshake, the customer will feel forced.In this case, the trainer usually advises the salesperson to wait patiently until the other party reaches out.If the other party does not have any intention of shaking hands, then it is best for the salesperson to replace the handshake with a nod of greeting.In this case, the trainer usually advises the salesperson to wait patiently until the other party reaches out.If the other party does not have any intention of shaking hands, then it is best for the salesperson to replace the handshake with a nod of greeting. In some countries, offering to shake hands with women is still a matter of debate. (In many Muslim countries, for example, doing so would only be considered vulgar and reckless; instead, locals generally accept a nod as a greeting.) However, we found that women who reached out to offer a handshake were less likely to be found in most of the cases. Countries and regions are usually regarded as modest, open-minded and successful women who can make a good first impression. Remember how we talked about the difference between palms up and palms down?Now, let us further analyze the relationship between these two gestures and the handshake. In the era of the Roman Empire, the scene when the two leaders met, in the eyes of modern people, is no different from a wrestling.After some gestures and contests, the stronger party will eventually press his arm on top of the other's arm, gaining control of the interaction between the two parties.Over time, this situation has evolved into an idiom we have today: (Upper Hand Position) dominant position. Suppose you are meeting someone for the first time.After meeting, you two greet each other with a handshake.Through the action of shaking hands, you feel some tiny signals from the other party inadvertently, so you have a preliminary impression of him. Similarly, the other party also makes a preliminary evaluation of you at the same time.The basis for evaluation can be roughly divided into the following three types: 1. Dominance: "He has a strong desire to control and wants to include me in his control. I better watch out for him." 2. Vulnerable: "I have complete control over this person. He will definitely do what I ask of him." 3. Equality: "I feel comfortable with this person." All of the above information is silently passed on to each other through the simple action of shaking hands, but it can have a direct impact on the outcome of any meeting we have. In the 1970s, I demonstrated these handshake techniques and their effects to students in some business skills trainings, and taught them as a business strategy.In fact, with a little practice and application, these skills can also be a good helper in our lives, causing unexpected and dramatic changes in our relationships with others. We can create a sense of dominance when shaking hands with others by turning our palms so that our palms face down (as shown in the picture below).In this movement, you don't need to turn your palms to a completely horizontal downward position, you just need to lower the opponent's hand slightly so that your palm is always on top of his palm.This way, the other person will get the sense that you want to be the one in charge of the meeting. To do this, we conducted a survey of 350 senior executives (89% male).The results showed that in various face-to-face meetings, these executives were not only the senders of handshake invitations, but also 88% of male executives and 31% of female executives would use this handshake method, which can create a strong effect, when shaking hands. Women's desire for power and control is significantly lower than men's, which may explain why only a third of women use this powerful handshake.Women's desire for power and control is significantly lower than men's, which may explain why only a third of women use this powerful handshake.At the same time, we also found that in certain social occasions, some women deliberately adopt a gentle way to show respect when shaking hands with men.This is a way for them to express their femininity, or to say, they want to use this to signal to the other party that they may be willing to be the one to be ruled.However, if the background of the event is changed to a business meeting or negotiation, the same handshake method will have extremely adverse negative effects on female business people, because its gentle handshake is likely to make men's attention all focus on other things. femininity, rather than ignoring her identity as a business partner. Although no matter in terms of fashion trends or from a political point of view, "everyone is equal" has become the mainstream thought of this era.But using this gentle handshake in the workplace can still lead to slights from other co-workers, including women.However, professional women don't need to worry about this, because it doesn't mean that women in the workplace must behave in every way.It's just that if they want to earn equal status and credibility with men, they should try to avoid feminine behaviors such as gentle handshakes, short skirts and high heels. In a serious work environment, highlighting femininity will only make women in the workplace lose the trust and attention of their collaborators. In 2001, William Chaplin of the University of Alabama conducted a study on handshakes and found that strong, forceful handshakes are often used by extroverts, while shy and sensitive people are more likely to This handshake is not used.At the same time, Chaplin also found that women who are open to new things and new ideas also like this way of shaking hands.However, this rule does not apply to men.Therefore, if women in the workplace want to win a better reputation and credibility, it is best to take a strong handshake when shaking hands with others, especially when the other party is a man. Contrary to the handshake that creates a powerful effect, if you turn your palm over and face up when shaking someone's hand, it means that you actively give up the dominant position and hand over control to the other party's hand, just like a bird. The little dog sticks out its tongue at a bigger dog that is stronger than it is. Submissive handshake If you want to let the other party take control, or want the other party to feel that you are willing to submit to him, for example, when you are apologizing to the other party, then this handshake is undoubtedly the best way to express.If you want to let the other party take control, or want the other party to feel that you are willing to submit to him, for example, when you are apologizing to the other party, then such a handshake method is undoubtedly the best way to express. Although I can express a submissive and submissive attitude by shaking hands with palms up, this is not absolute. As we've mentioned before, a person with arthritis tends, for objective reasons of his own, to adopt a softer handshake so that the other person can easily gain the upper hand during the shake.In addition, those whose work requires special hands, such as surgeons, artists, or musicians, also deliberately adopt this gentle handshake in order to protect their hands.Therefore, if you want to have a more accurate and in-depth understanding of this person, you must observe a series of body movements after shaking hands to obtain more information.Generally speaking, the expressions and movements of a submissive person tend to be gentler, while the movements and expressions of a person with a strong desire to control are more decisive. Reaching Equality When two powerful people meet, the handshake between them will undoubtedly become a contest of power.The two parties try their best to suppress each other and occupy a favorable position when shaking hands, but the result is often that the two hands are tightly held together like two walls parallel to and perpendicular to the ground.Since the palms of both parties are kept vertical to the ground, such a handshake will bring a sense of mutual equality and mutual respect to both parties. There are two tips that can help you create harmony and friendliness through your handshake. First of all, when shaking hands with others, you need to ensure that the palms of both parties maintain a vertical posture, thereby eliminating the distinction between strong and weak handshakes. Secondly, return it to the other body with its strength, that is, the strength of the handshake must be consistent with that of the other party.That is to say, if we divide the strength of handshake into 1~10 levels, and your handshake strength reaches level 7 while the other party only has level 5, then you must reduce your strength by 20%; When you reach level 9, but you are only level 7, you need to add 20% power to create an equal and harmonious atmosphere.In many social situations, you may need to shake hands with more than one person.In this environment, if you want to establish a harmonious and equal relationship with everyone, you must constantly adjust the angle and strength of your handshake.In many social situations, you may need to shake hands with more than one person.In this environment, if you want to establish a harmonious and equal relationship with everyone, you must constantly adjust the angle and strength of your handshake.At the same time, you also need to remember that the average male has twice as much hand strength as the average female, so you have to take this into account when shaking hands.In the process of human evolution, due to physical activities such as grasping, lifting, lifting, and hammering, males have fully exercised and exerted their palm strength, reaching a strength value of about 100 pounds (45 kg). Finally, please remember that shaking hands is a way of expressing our feelings when we meet and say goodbye, and it is also a symbol of commitment when we sign a contract or agreement with others, so we should actively extend Let the other party feel the warmth and friendliness of our palms. The outstretched, palm-down handshake is reminiscent of the domineering Nazi salutes of the past.Indeed, of all handshakes, this is the most powerful one, because it leaves little opportunity for the other party to establish a relationship of equality.采用此种握手方式的人通常性格孤傲，控制欲强，而且在大多数情况下，他也都是首先发出握手邀请的人。他们笔直僵硬的手臂以及向下的手掌迫使对方不得不迎合他们，采用手心向上的弱势握手方法。手心朝下——单刀直入的握手假如你发觉对方有意使用这种霸道的握手方式，企图置你于不利的境地，你大可不必担心，因为只要按照我所传授的方法去做，你就可以在不知不觉之中瓦解对方的强势进攻。 1. 右进法 如果你遇到了一位喜欢采用强势握手法的人，通常大多数为男性，有一种方法不仅能够帮助你轻松地化解其犀利的进攻，取得与其平等的地位，而且这种方法还可以立竿见影，迅速地反败为胜。 对方以握手展开了进攻，企图获取控制权向前迈出左脚 首先，在对方率先伸出手，发出握手的邀请之后，你可以在伸手回应的同时向前迈出左脚。只要稍加练习，我们就能够熟练地掌握这一动作，因为当我们伸出右手握手的同时，90%的人都会很自然地随之迈出左脚。右腿向前迈进，同时也就将对方 原本朝下的手掌向上旋转了90度 紧接着，你再跟着迈出右脚。于是，你的整个身体便会随之前移，进入到原本属于对方的私人空间内，而此时你的左腿也会因此而产生向前移动的倾向。这时，我们的全套动作也就完成了（见右图）。到这时，你再握手时，就会发现情况已经发生了微妙的变化。 这种方法可以帮助你巧妙地躲避开对方笔直的手臂，提前占据握手时的有利位置。有时候，利用这种方法甚至可以使你反败为胜，通过握手取得交际控制权。这种方法可以帮助你巧妙地躲避开对方笔直的手臂，提前占据握手时的有利位置。有时候，利用这种方法甚至可以使你反败为胜，通过握手取得交际控制权。当你迈出左脚的时候，你也就很自然地站到了对方的前面。 对方先发制人，凭借笔直伸出的手臂获得了空间上的优势，而你则巧妙地利用脚步的移动占据了有利的地面位置。对方先发制人，凭借笔直伸出的手臂获得了空间上的优势，而你则巧妙地利用脚步的移动占据了有利的地面位置。两相比较，双方最多也就算是打了个平手。而且，你向前迈步实际上是对对方个人空间的一种侵犯，细想起来，你还略胜一筹。 仔细回顾自己握手时的脚步，检查一下你在伸手握手的同时首先迈出的是左脚，还是右脚。大多数人都习惯于先出右脚，因此，当他们遇到一位强势的握手者的时候，往往都由于缺乏进退的空间而无法扭转局势，只能任由他人掌握控制权。所以，从现在开始，你可以训练自己在伸手握手的同时先迈出左脚。不久，你就会发现，其实要对付那些想通过握手来控制自己的强权者也并非难事。2. 双手握手法 双手握手法没有办法的办法，最后一招 当你遇到对方企图以强势的握手夺取控制权的情况时，除了采用第一种方法，你还可以先顺势回应以手心向上的手势，随后再立刻送上左手，用双手牢牢握住对方，最终压制住对方来势汹汹的右手。 这种方法可以轻松将控制权转移至你的手中，而且尤其是对女性而言，这种方法使用起来更加简单便捷。 如果你觉得对方经常会刻意地利用握手来挑衅或者胁迫自己就范，你完全可以在握手时直接握住其手腕（如右上图所示）。这样的方法更加直接，能够对一个强权者产生震撼性的效果，所以你需要有选择地使用这一方法，不到万不得已之时，最好不要使用这一极端的握手方法。 我想，谁都不希望在与他人握手时握住四根冰冷且黏糊糊的手指。那种感觉回想起来就好像抓了一把涂满了调味汁儿的冷香肠，实在是糟糕透了。 当我们在与陌生人交谈时，出于紧张，我们的神经和肌肉会进入兴奋状态，而血液就会随之从手掌的外部表皮细胞，也就是我们常说的真皮层，转移到手臂或腿部的肌肉当中，为下一步的任何行动做准备。这种生理现象所导致的直接结果就是我们的手掌温度下降，而且开始手心冒汗。于是，我们的手就变得冰冰凉，湿漉漉。这时，假如我们与他人握手，对方就会感觉好像握住的是一条湿漉漉的大马哈鱼。 所以，如果我们需要面见重要人物，而又希望能给对方留下美好的第一印象，就最好能够随身携带一条手绢，从而时刻保持手掌的干燥或者你可以在与陌生人会面之前，想象自己正坐在火堆前烤火取暖。事实证明，这种假想法能够帮助我们将手心的温度升高3℃~4℃。 当两位领导人并肩站立，面对媒体摄影时，无论是从身材体型而言，还是从服饰穿着来说，他们都希望自己能够与对方平分秋色。然而，在旁观者看来，权势的天平却总是偏向于画面左侧的那位领导者。在旁观者看来，权势的天平却总是偏向于画面左侧的那位领导者。导致这一现象的原因就在于，画面左侧位置上的领导人在握手的时候能够更加轻松地以强势的握手方式压制对方，获得控制权。 画面左侧的比尔·克林顿在气势上显然盖过了其身边的托尼·布莱尔获取优势：肯尼迪占据了左侧的优势位置，迫使理查德·尼克松只能居于弱势之位1960年，约翰·F·肯尼迪与理查德·尼克松在开展电视辩论之前的那次握手就是最好的证明了这一点。 当时，全世界的人们对于肢体语言都可谓是一无所知。但是，研究显示，肯尼迪却对此有一种与生俱来的领悟感，并且十分善于利用肢体语言。在照片中，他选择了左边的位置，还摆出了一种能够帮助他获取优势地位的姿势，而这也是他在面对公众时最受喜爱的动作之一。 而随之发生的那场著名的竞选辩论更是充分地证明了肢体语言的重要性。民意测验显示，通过收音机收听此次辩论的美国人大部分都相信尼克松是这次竞选辩论的胜利者，而那些通过电视观看辩论的美国人大部分则认为，肯尼迪极富说服力的肢体语言不仅征服了他们，而且也一定能够为他赢得美国总统的竞选。 在各种世界级的会晤中，许多领导人往往因为选择了不利的位置（如画面的右侧位置）。而只能将控制权拱手让予对方 尽管早在几十年前，女性就已经成为了社会生产力当中不可或缺的一分子，成为这个社会的半边天，但是，时至今日，许多人却仍然在异性交际的道路上摸索着前进，而且常常因为不了解个中细节而屡屡遭遇尴尬。 大多数男性声称，年少时，他们就已经从父亲那里学到了一些基本的握手常识，但是接受过同样训练和教育的女性却微乎其微。作为成年人，当一名男子向某位女子伸出手，发出了握手邀请，然而她却没看见在与异性见面之初，女性往往会将视线集中在对方的脸部，而不是手。这样尴尬的场面的确会让人觉得很不自在。 于是，尴尬不已的先生只好将悬在半空中无人问津的那只手缩了回来，同时在心里祈祷，希望自己的这一举动不要被对方发现。可是，那位小姐却恰好目睹了这一幕。为了缓解尴尬的气氛，她便立刻也伸出手，想握住对方，但是，男子的手已经缩了回去，而只剩下她自己的手孤零零地悬在空中。这时，男子再次伸出手，想握住对方，然而由于紧张，双方手的位置放得不对，结果十根手指交叉在了一起，原本友好的握手变成了恋人间的十指相扣，场面显得异常混乱。 异性之间的初次见面往往会因为一次糟糕的握手而乱成一团。 假如今后你也遇上了同样的事情，首先不要惊慌，接着你可以用左手抓住对方的右手，将它放到自己的右手中，然后再微笑着向对方说：“让我们重新来一次，好吗？”这样做会令对方对你产生极大的好感，因为你的行为表示出你相当重视这次见面，所以才会如此友好地与对方握手。 如果你是一名职业女性，遇到类似的情况，明智的做法就是暗示对方你已经做好了握手的准备，从而避免因为不察而错过对方的握手请求。 在社交中，你应当尽早伸出手，表达出明确的握手意向，从而避免这种尴尬混乱局面的出现。在社交中，你应当尽早伸出手，表达出明确的握手意向，从而避免这种尴尬混乱局面的出现。 这是一种最受欢迎的握手方法。当你的双手握住对方的手，双方之间眼神的交流就变得很自然，于是，真诚的微笑便会在不知不觉中爬上你的嘴角。这时，你大声地呼唤着对方的名字，关切地询问着对方近期的健康状况，于是，你与对方的距离也就在一瞬间被拉近了。 采用这种方法的人不仅达到了增加双方肢体接触，拉近双方距离的目的，而且可以通过牢牢握住对方的右手而限制对方权力的延伸。有时候，人们会把这种握手称之为“政治家式的握手”，而采用这种方法的人则试图借此给对方留下一个他很诚实且值得信任的好印象。 不过，假如该方法的使用对象是一个你刚刚认识的人，那就很有可能会适得其反，只会让对方怀疑你此举的动机。事实上，双手握手法就好比缩水后的拥抱，因此，这种方法只适用于那些能够接受拥抱这一问候方式的国家和地区。双手握手法“你真漂亮，能和我交个朋友吗” 当遭遇攻击时，90%的人都会下意识地举起右手（也就是我们所谓的右手优先原则）对抗外来袭击，保卫自己。这是人类的一种天生的反应行为。但是，当你使用双手握手法与他人握手时，你却在无形中剥夺了对方做出同样行为的权利。 因此，在你与他人第一次见面时，最好不要采用这种方法与对方握手。 双手握手法是一种只适用于有感情基础的双方的见面问候方式，譬如说好久没见的老朋友再次重逢。双手握手法是一种只适用于有感情基础的双方的见面问候方式，譬如说好久没见的老朋友再次重逢。在这样的情况下，双方通常不需要考虑自卫，因此，使用这种方法握手会给人带来一种真诚亲切的感觉。 耶沙·阿拉法特用双手紧紧地握住了托尼·布莱尔的右手，而布莱尔紧闭的双唇，表示阿拉法特此举并未打动他 双手握手法的本意是想通过真诚的行为赢得对方的信任，或是向对方表达关切之情。对此，在握手中，我们需要注意两点。 首先，我们在使用双手握手法时，左手的摆放位置通常代表我们对握手另一方的亲密程度，正如拥抱时后伸出的那只手往往决定着拥抱双方的亲密程度，就好比温度计，能够测量出双方之间的热情度一样。当我们用双手握手时，左手就是这根温度计，它的位置距离对方越近，我们与对方的亲密程度就越深。采用这种方法握手的人在向对方表达亲昵之意的同时，往往还想借此获取双方交往中的控制权。当我们用双手握手时，左手就是这根温度计，它的位置距离对方越近，我们与对方的亲密程度就越深。采用这种方法握手的人在向对方表达亲昵之意的同时，往往还想借此获取双方交往中的控制权。 例如，握手时，如果你握住的是对方的肘部，不仅会显得比仅仅握住手腕更加亲近，而且还能从更大程度上控制住对方。以此类推，肩膀与上臂相比，当然是前者更能凸现双方的亲密程度，而且被搂住肩膀的一方行为所受到的牵制也更大。 紧握上臂搂肩膀其次，当我们采用双手握手法时，我们随后伸出的左手其实已经进入到了对方的安全距离之内。通常情况下，只有在对方认可了双方亲近的程度之后，我们才能用左手握住对方的手腕或是手肘。不过，手腕和手肘的接触也只是刚刚进入到了对方私人空间的外层部分；最能体现双方亲密无间的关系的还是搂肩膀和紧握上臂这两种动作，而且紧随其后的很可能会是一次热情的拥抱。（我们将会在第十一章当中谈到更多关于“安全距离”的内容。）因此，除非双方都认同了对彼此的亲密度，或是采用此种方法的人有非常充分的理由这么做，不然，这样的握手方式只会引起对方的怀疑，猜忌你此举的用意。除非双方都认同了对彼此的亲密度，或是采用此种方法的人有非常充分的理由这么做，不然，这样的握手方式只会引起对方的怀疑，猜忌你此举的用意。 总而言之，如果你与对方并无任何私人关系，那就千万不要使用这种握手方式；而反过来，假如一个与你并无深交的人在与你握手时采用了这种方法，你就需要留神此举背后究竟隐藏了什么样的动机呢？ 除非你与对方有不错的私交，或是有某种情感联系，不然，你最好还是使用单手握手法。 2003年伊拉克战争期间，作为强大同盟的两位领导人，乔治·W·布什和托尼·布莱尔以“团结平等”的形式出现于各媒体的报道中。不过，通过对两位领导人所拍摄的照片进行深入分析，我们发现乔治·布什在这场权力的竞争中略胜一筹。 无论是从衣着上，还是从气势上，照片中的乔治·布什都是胜利者 在上面那张照片中，布什的身体微微倾斜，同时凭借其左侧的有利位置营造出了一种强势的氛围。此外，布什的衣着看起来俨然是一名全副武装的总司令，而布莱尔却像是一名被校长召见的英国学生。从气势上来说，布什显然占了上风。再从站立方式来看，布什双脚合拢，威严挺拔；同时从后面揽住了布莱尔，在控制权上再次略胜一筹。在面对媒体的拍照时，布什通常都会选择左侧的有利位置，尽显其作为超级大国领导人的优势地位，使自己看起来就像是统揽全局的总司令。 当你猛然发现自己站到了右侧的不利位置时，其实也不必着急。在这种情况下，你只要在接近对方的同时尽早伸出手，向对方发出握手的邀请，就能够避免因为位置原因而导致的不利结果的发生。因为，当你这样做之后，对方就只能侧过身来，伸出右手回应你的握手邀请，无法充分发挥左侧位置的优势效应，只能以平等的方式与你握手。 在拍照或录影时，最好尽量从左侧接近对方，这样你就能占据左侧的有利位置了。在拍照或录影时，最好尽量从左侧接近对方，这样你就能占据左侧的有利位置了。不过，即使失去了左侧这片福地，也不用担心，因为即使是在最坏的情况下，我们也还可以利用双手握手法从站立位置上为自己扳回一局。 以下是八种最容易引起对方反感的握手方式及其衍生的其他形式的握手方式。所以，请你记住他们，无论何时何地，都不要使用这八种最不受欢迎的握手方式。 1. 死鱼式的握手 不受欢迎程度：★★★★ 在这世上，大概不会有比与他人握手时感觉像握住条死鱼一样更让人反感的事情了吧，尤其是当握住的那只手冰凉凉而且黏糊糊的时候，感觉就更糟糕了。正是因为其带给对方的那种软弱无力的感觉，死鱼式的握手才会被公认为是最不受欢迎的握手方式之一，而且大多数人都会把这种握手方式与性格懦弱联系在一起，因为无论握手的另一方是谁，他都可以轻易地将此人的手掌翻转过来。于是，在另一方看来，使用这种方式握手的人缺乏责任感，不愿承担此次两人见面所产生的责任和义务。不过，正如所有的事情都不能一概而论一样，我们在考虑问题时还必须同时兼顾文化或其他因素的影响——在某些亚洲和非洲地区，由于当地文化因素的影响，轻柔的握手方式是极其普通而多见的，强硬的握手反而会被认为是无礼的行为。除此之外，我们还必须了解到，全世界每20个人当中便有一个人会受到手汗症的困扰。这是一种由于遗传基因的原故而导致汗腺分泌异常旺盛的病症。我想提醒这些人的是，最明智的做法就是随身携带面巾纸或是手绢，从而能在每次握手前将手心里的汗擦干净，从而避免因为握手的原因而给对方留下不好的印象。 死鱼式的握手 此外，我们手掌上的汗腺比身体其他任何部位都多，所以我们的手出汗自然也就最多了。不过，最让人感到惊讶的是，很多使用这种死鱼式握手法的人并没有意识到其负面影响。therefore, 当我们决定使用何种握手方式之前，最好能够先询问一下身边的朋友对自己握手的方式有何意见。当我们决定使用何种握手方式之前，最好能够先询问一下身边的朋友对自己握手的方式有何意见。 2. 老虎钳式的握手 老虎钳式的握手不受欢迎程度：★★★ 这种利用无声的动作说服对方的方法是男性们在工作中最喜爱的方法之一，从中体现出来的是使用者对于权力的渴望，以及他对于控制双方关系，乃至对方的信心。使用这种方法的人通常会首先果敢有力地伸出手，而手掌的位置较一般握手位置偏低，然后再有力地握住对方，精神饱满地抖动两至三次。有时候，对方的手甚至会因为被握得过紧而导致血液流通不畅。不过，有些纸老虎也会采用这种方式来为自己造势，其实，他是怕落入对方的控制之中。 3. 碎骨机式的握手 不受欢迎程度：★★★★★ 这种方式与上一种老虎钳式的握手属于近亲关系，不过，形式却更为过激。在所有握手方式中，最令人生畏的莫过于这种碎骨机式的握手了。因为这种握手方式不仅会在对方的脑海里留下不可磨灭的印象，而且还会给对方的身体造成难以恢复的伤害。 碎骨机式的握手就好比是一个标签，凡是贴有这一标签的人其性格往往都极富侵略性，通常会在对方毫无防备之时先发制人，占领先机，并且试图通过手掌力量的较量给对方一个下马威，他们大力的握手会像揉面团一样折磨对方的每一个手指关节。在出席各种商务会谈时，我建议女性工作者最好不要在右手佩戴戒指，因为假如遇到有人使用这种碎骨机式的握手方式，被握住的手指完全有可能会因为与戒指的摩擦而出血。十指连心的疼痛会使你只关注自己的伤口而把工作忘个精光，最终错失良机。 碎骨机式的握手而最不幸的是，对于这种霸道得不近人情的握手方式，我们并没有任何方法可以有效地遏制住它。如果你认为对方故意用这种方式来控制你，或是向你示威，你完全可以让所有人都注意到这一点，“天啊，你把我的手握得好疼啊。你的力气实在太大了。”如此一来，这部碎骨机就不得不有所顾虑，在握手时有所收敛了。 在出席各种商务会谈时，我建议女性工作者最好不要在右手佩戴戒指，因为假如遇到有人使用这种碎骨机式的握手方式，被握住的手指完全有可能会因为与戒指的摩擦而出血。4. 蜻蜓点水式的握手 不受欢迎程度：★★★★ 这种握手方式多发生在异性见面问候时，通常都是由于一方没能及时注意到另一方所发出的握手邀请，而当其发现后又立刻伸手想补救，结果慌乱中双方便以这种蜻蜓点水式的握手结束了问候。虽然首先发出握手邀请的一方看似态度热情，其实，他内心里根本就缺乏自信，不能肯定对方是否会回应其邀请。在这样的情况下，采用这种蜻蜓点水式的握手其实是他想与对方保持一定距离，使双方都不至于过度紧张而使用的缓兵之计。 除此之外，握手双方对个人空间认识的差异也可能导致这种握手情况的发生。比方说，当握手双方中一人认定的私人空间为两英尺（60cm），而另一人则认为是三英尺（90cm），那么，后者所站立的位置就会比前者预计的更远。距离的误差使两人的握手也就不能按照前者预计的方式进行了。 蜻蜓点水式的握手 假如你遇到了类似的情况，你可以用左手拉过对方的右手，轻轻地放到自己的右手中，然后微笑着对他说，“我们重新来一次，好吗？”最后再与对方以平等的方式握手。由于你的这一做法让对方觉得你很重视他以及与他的这次会面，也正因为这样，你才会如此重视原本看似微不足道的见面握手，所以，此举可以大大提升你在对方心中的信誉度。 5. 单刀直入式的握手 不受欢迎程度：★★★ 与直挺挺的手掌向上的握手方式一样，这种单刀直入式的握手方式体现出来的是使用者性格中好胜的一面，而这种方式最主要的目的就是与对方保持一定距离，使其远离自己的私人空间。那些在乡村长大的人对于个人空间的要求通常会大于生长于城市中的人，而为了保护属于自己的领域，他们往往也会在握手时采用这种方式。 与直挺挺的手掌向上的握手方式一样，这种单刀直入式的握手方式体现出来的是使用者性格中好胜的一面，而这种方式最主要的目的就是与对方保持一定距离，使其远离自己的私人空间。单刀直入式的握手方式在使用这一握手方式的同时，他们甚至还会将身体稍稍前倾，或是将重心转移至一只脚上，从而确定其私人空间不受侵犯。 6. 扳手式的握手 不受欢迎程度：★★★ 善于弄权的人对这种扳手式的握手可谓是青睐有加，而这种握手方式的受害者则常常会因为对方用力过大而疼得热泪盈眶，更甚者，有的人还因此而韧带受伤。扳手式的握手之后通常紧跟着的就是，随着右手的犀利攻势而得以进犯的弯曲的手臂。握手双方中的一方用力抓住对方伸出的手，与此同时忽而发力，将对方向自己这边猛然一拉。结果，被拉的一方往往因为身体失去了平衡而乱了方寸。 扳手式的握手 将对方拉至自己的领域之中的这一动作代表了以下三种含义中的一种：第一，拉人的一方是个缺乏安全感的人，一旦进入他人的领域，他就会立刻到紧张、害怕，所以他只能用这一方式使自己留在自身的私人空间当中；第二，此人所生活的文化背景对于个人空间的要求并不高，几乎没有私人空间的要求；第三，拉人的一方想通过使对方失去平衡的方式获得双方交往的控制权。不管是上述三种含义中的哪一种，使用这种扳手式的握手都能够将对方拉至自己的控制范围之内。 7. 压泵式的握手 不受欢迎程度：★★★ 这种握手方式带有浓厚的田园色彩，其动作就好像是握住水泵的手柄，用力且有节奏地上下快速摇动。 其实，这样的握手动作并非完全不能接受。可问题就在于，有些压泵者却异常执著，如果不加以打断，他会一直这样摇下去，那架势好像是非要从对方的手中压出点水来不可。 压泵式的握手 有的压泵者虽不至于如此过激，可是一旦他抓住对方的手就再也不松开，好像生怕对方会逃跑一样。而更有趣的是，绝大多数人遇到这样的情况竟然也都并不着急将手缩回来，就任由对方那么抓着。这似乎说明，当我们与对方发生肢体接触时，拒绝的决心似乎也就随之减弱了。 8. 荷兰式握手 不受欢迎程度：★★★★ 荷兰式的握手这种握手方法源自荷兰，而且从其本质来看，似乎多少与素食主义者有点关系。在荷兰，人们称这种握手方法为“Geeft'n hand als bosje worteljes”，意为“胡萝卜串式的握手”。说起来，这种握手方式与第一种死鱼式的握手算是远亲，只不过力度显得更大，而且摸起来感觉要干燥许多，没有那种湿糊糊的恶心感。 现代的年轻人又把这种握手法称之为“De Slappe Vaatdoek”，或者说湿抹布式的握手法。相信，这大概不需要再做更多的解释了。 下文的图片拍摄下了1993年以色列前总理伊扎克·拉宾与巴勒斯坦领导人耶沙·阿拉法特于白宫前的一次握手。通过这张照片，我们可以发现不少有趣的地方。 首先，照片中，克林顿站在两人之间，位于照片的正中位置，周围没有任何遮挡，而且很明显，他比其他两位领导人都高出许多。所以，这张照片虽然拍摄的是两位领导人的握手，但是事实上，其核心人物却是美国前总统克林顿。另一方面，克林顿展开双臂，从后面揽住拉宾与阿拉法特的姿势很容易让人联想到上帝庇佑其子民的情景。而克林顿微笑时，如弯月般的笑容和微抿的嘴唇都显示出了他对双方略有收敛的情感。 在这张著名的照片中，握手的两位领导人都稳稳地立于地面之上，暗地里较量，试图迫使对方离开自己的独立领域。伊扎克·拉宾占据了有利的左侧位置，并且采用了单刀直入式的握手方式，与此同时，他的身体稍稍向前倾斜从而防止阿拉法特进入自己的私人空间。而耶沙·阿拉法特则保持着一种笔直的站立姿势，试图用弯臂式的握手将对方拉入自己的控制范围。为了坚守自己的立场，伊扎克·拉宾（左）使用了单刀直入式的握手方法，从而对抗耶沙·阿拉法特以弯臂式握手法所产生的拉力 虽然我们大都知道，与他人初次见面的最初几分钟对于双方关系将来的发展是成功或失败往往具有举足轻重的作用，但是却很少有人知道在初次见面时该如何得体地与对方进行交往。所以，我们最好能够花一些时间，在朋友或同事的帮助下学习握手的技巧，那样你就能够在每一次见面中利用握手营造融洽的气氛，为自己加分了。 记住，由垂直的手掌与合适的力度所组成的握手永远都是最受欢迎的握手方式。记住，由垂直的手掌与合适的力度所组成的握手永远都是最受欢迎的握手方式。