For Americans, the gesture in the picture means "OK, not bad"; for Italians, it means "number one"; for Japanese, it means "number five"; however, in Greek In human eyes, it means "fuck you"; in Chinese, it means "great" We all know that a person walks into a room full of people and within a few minutes can accurately describe the relationship between the people in the room and how they are feeling at the moment.Before human oral language evolved fully, interpreting the opinions and thoughts of others through their behavior was the most basic communication method adopted by people at that time.

Before the invention of the radio, most of the communication and exchanges between people were done by writing in books, letters and newspapers.This means that bad-looking politicians, and bad orators like Abraham Lincoln, can succeed if they stick to their guns, stick to their guns, and write well.The arrival of the radio age undoubtedly created a great opportunity for those who were able to master the spoken word, such as Winston Churchill; but in today's more visual effects, they It may take more effort to succeed. Politicians today are well aware that politics is inextricably linked to public image and demeanor.The vast majority of high-profile politicians now have their own personal body language advisors to help them appear genuine, upright, and compassionate with their body language, especially when that’s not the case. Practice is even more indispensable.

It is unbelievable that in the thousands of years of human evolution, it was not until the 1960s that experts and scholars began to conduct comprehensive research on body language, and people did not realize the importance of body language until a book was published. exist.Despite this, the vast majority of us still believe that talking is our primary form of communication.In fact, in terms of human evolution, talking has only recently become part of the way we communicate, and this mode is mainly used to convey facts and figures.Dialogue, this form of communication, arose between 2 million and 500,000 years ago, during which time our brains tripled in size.Until then, body language and throat sounds have been the main way we communicate our emotions and emotions.This function of body language is still in play until now.It's just that most of us don't know much about body language, let alone realize its importance in our lives, because we're so focused on talking.

However, the way we speak often inadvertently reveals the importance of body language in communication.The following are some of the idiomatic expressions we commonly use - Get it off your chest. Pour out your heart. Keep a stiff upper lip. Stay at arm's length. Keep your chin up. Don't be discouraged. Shoulder a burden. Face up to it. Face up to it. Put your best foot forward. Go all out. Kiss my butt. Kiss me, please me. Some of these idiomatic expressions are indeed difficult to understand, but once you understand their meaning, you will definitely benefit a lot, because it contains some knowledge that can open your eyes.Based on past experience, we know that when encountering such a situation, there are generally two ways to find out the true meaning of what they express: either change the angle of thinking about the problem, or grasp its meaning from the whole.However, I believe that when you understand their true meaning, their image expression will definitely leave a deep impression on you and make you unforgettable forever.

In the age of silent films, when body language was the only form of communication on the big screen, movie actors like Charlie Chaplin were the first to figure out and use their body language skills.At that time, the ability to use various gestures properly and skillfully use various parts of the body to send signals to communicate with the audience became the yardstick for judging the performance of each actor.With the advent of the era of sound films, people gradually shifted the focus of attention from silent body language to actors' dialogues. As a result, many silent film actors lost their former glory and gradually disappeared.Only those actors who are good at dialogue performance and have superb physical performance skills can finally survive this great change in cinema.

Among the academic research results of body language, the most influential work before the 20th century is probably the book "The Expression of Emotions in Man and Animals" published by Charles Darwin in 1872. However, this is a book aimed at Scholars, whose works are mainly about theory, are not suitable for public reading.However, the book sparked a modern worldwide study of facial expressions and body language, and many of Darwin's ideas and observations were eventually confirmed by researchers from around the world.Since then, the researchers have collected and recorded nearly a million nonverbal messages and cues. Albert McRabin, a pioneer in the study of body language in the 1950s, found that 7% of the total impact of a message comes from words (words only) and 38% from sounds (including voice, pitch, and other sounds), and the remaining 55% comes from silent body language.

The anthropologist Ray Birdwhistell was the original proponent of nonverbal communication—what he called "kinesiology."Bowist made similar inferences about the nonverbal communication that occurs between people.He pointed out that the total time for an ordinary person to speak is about 10-11 minutes a day, and the average time required for each sentence is only about 25 seconds.At the same time, he also deduced that there are about 250,000 facial expressions that we can make and recognize. Like McRabin, Bowist also found that in a face-to-face communication, the amount of information conveyed by language accounts for less than 35% of the total amount of information, and the remaining more than 65% of the information is It is done through non-verbal communication.We conducted detailed research on thousands of sales and negotiation processes that took place in the 1970s and 1980s, and the results show that 60% to 80% of decisions at the negotiating table in business meetings are influenced by body language made.At the same time, 60% to 80% of people's initial judgment of a stranger is formed in less than four minutes.In addition, the research results also pointed out that when the negotiation is carried out by telephone, those who are eloquent often become the final winners, but if the negotiation is carried out in the form of face-to-face communication, then the situation is greatly different. different.Because, in general, when we make decisions, we tend to rely more on what we see than on what we hear.

When we meet someone for the first time, more often than not, we are quick to judge him or her.Although our evaluation may be different from the actual situation, through this evaluation, in our hearts, we have a preliminary understanding of his friendliness, his desire to control, and the possibility of becoming our sexual partner ——However, in this process, the first thing we observe is not the other person's eyes. At present, most researchers have affirmed the fact that the main function of speech is to convey information, while body language is usually used to communicate and negotiate ideas between people.The main function of speech is to convey information, while body language is usually used to communicate and negotiate ideas between people.In some cases, body language can even take the place of words and play the role of conveying information.In some cases, body language can even take the place of words and play the role of conveying information.For example, a woman can send a very clear message to a man just by "killing eyes" without opening her mouth.

Bowwister first pointed out that if the role of cultural factors is not considered, the effect of simultaneous speech and body movements should be predictable.Therefore, a well-trained person should be able to discern the gestures of another person just by listening to that person's speech.Bowist can even tell what language people are speaking just by looking at their movements. Many people have a hard time accepting the notion that humans are biologically animals.We humans are Homo sapiens a kind of primate, that is to say, each of us is actually an ape with degenerated hair, and the difference between us and other apes is that we have learned to walk upright on two legs , and has an evolved smart brain.Nevertheless, we are still subject to biological laws like other species, so our various behaviors, various reactions to the outside world, and our body language and gestures are consistent with biological laws.Interestingly, as an animal, humans most of the time are unaware that the information we communicate through various body postures, movements and gestures often runs counter to the information we convey through language.

Body language is an outward expression of one's emotions.Every gesture or movement may become a key clue for us to see other people's emotions and emotions.For example, a man who knows he has gained weight may tug at the wrinkled skin under his chin; a woman who thinks her thighs have grown thicker will constantly adjust her bottoms to try to keep her skirts in a smooth drooping state ; a person who is frightened or on the defensive will fold their arms, or assume a crossed-legs pose, or both.When a man talks to a plump woman, he will deliberately avoid looking directly at the other's breasts, while at the same time, his hands will make some small movements subconsciously.

Prince Charles Spotted A Friend With Big Breasts And Big Butts The key to interpreting other people's body language is whether you can listen to the other person's conversation while observing the language environment when he speaks, so as to understand his inner emotions.This ability not only allows you to see reality in fiction, but also helps you recognize reality in fantasy. Since modern times, we human beings have turned almost all our attention to vocal language. Therefore, almost all people are eager to become a talkative person.However, although we have now realized that the key to reading other people's body language is whether you can listen to the other person's conversation while observing the language environment in which he said it, so as to understand his inner feelings.In any face-to-face conversation, most of the information is communicated through body language, yet most people often ignore body language signals and their role and influence.Former French President Chirac, former US President Ronald Reagan, and former Australian Prime Minister Bob Hawke, these three leaders often use their hands to express their inner thoughts on different data in various events.By comparison, Bob Hawke found that the income of government officials is lower than that of administrative employees, so he once asked for an increase in the income of government officials.Hawke pointed out that the wages of administrative employees have been greatly improved. In contrast, the salary increase of government officials is obviously much lower than that of administrative employees.As a result, whenever he mentioned the salary of government officials, the distance between Hawke's hands reached a yard (about 1 meter) away.But when he mentions salaries for administrative staff, the distance between his hands is only a foot wide (about 30 centimeters).Therefore, the distance between Bob Hawke's hands reflects his inner thoughts: he believes that there is still a large gap between the income of government officials and the income he can accept. President Jacques Chirac - is he measuring the size of an event, or bragging about his love history We often use words like "perceptive" and "intuitive" to judge others.In fact, in these evaluations, what we are talking about is their ability to read other people's body language, and their ability to compare body language with vocal language to help communicate.It's just that we didn't realize it when we said it.In other words, when we say "gut feeling" or "gut instinct" tells us that someone is lying, we should really mean that the other person's body language contradicts his words.When we say "gut feeling" or "gut instinct" tells us that someone is lying, what we really mean is that the other person's body language contradicts his words.Speakers often refer to this "gut feeling" or "instinct" as audience awareness, or group awareness.For example, if the audience in the seat leans the entire upper part of the body on the back of the chair, the chin is slightly closed, and the arms are folded in front of the chest, then at this time, a "sight-sighted" speaker should immediately perceive the meaning of his speech. It didn't impress the audience.In this way, the speaker should realize that at this moment, he needs to change his approach and use a different way to resonate and interact with the audience.In the same way, if the speaker's "perception" is not sharp enough, he will not pay attention to these details at all, and will just continue his speech regardless. The so-called "perception" refers to the ability to observe and detect the contradiction between people's words and their body language. Generally speaking, women's perception is far better than men's, and this is what we often call "women's intuition".Women have an innate ability to see and decipher silent signals, but at the same time they are often discerning, able to spot details that men usually miss.This is why almost no husband's lies can escape the eyes of his wife; on the contrary, most women can bluff a man so much that he doesn't know it. From a psychological study conducted at Harvard University, we learned that there is a huge difference in the sensitivity of women and men to body language.The researchers played a short video with the sound removed.In the clip, a man is talking to a woman.The researchers asked participants to describe what happened between the couple by observing their facial expressions and movements.The results of the study showed that 87% of the female participants' descriptions matched the actual situation, but the same situation was only 42% of the male participants. 87% of the female participants described the actual situation, but only 42% of the male participants did the same.Men in "sensitive" occupations such as the arts, actors, and nurses are just as perceptive as women; gay men are no less capable than women in this regard.Among women who have raised children, the characteristic of "female intuition" is particularly obvious.During the first few years of raising a child, mothers rely almost entirely on silent signals to communicate and emotionally communicate with their children.This also explains why women who are more perceptive than men tend to play a greater role than men in negotiations, because they start training and training in this area very early. Most women have a type of brain tissue that makes women communicate and communicate far better than men.Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) brain scans have clearly revealed why women are far superior to men in their ability to communicate and evaluate others.Women have a total of 14 to 16 brain regions that help them evaluate the behavior of others, while men have only 4 to 6 brain regions that can perform the same function.This explains why, when a woman attends a party, she always has a quick insight into the status of the relationship between other people at the party-who has argued with whom before, who likes whom, and so on.At the same time, the scans also explain why, from a woman's standpoint, men seem to be reticent, while from a man's perspective, women seem to be chatty. As we show readers in Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps, the female brain is like a multi-channel The radio can receive radio waves of different frequencies at the same time-usually, a woman's brain can process 2~4 completely different things at the same time.For example, they can listen to a third person's conversation while watching TV and talking on the phone. In addition, they can drink coffee from time to time to soothe their throats.They can talk about many completely unrelated topics in the same conversation, and they also use five different voice intonations in order to change the subject or express emphasis, all relying on "gut feeling" or "insight" discovery.Unfortunately, the vast majority of men can only recognize at most three of them.As a result, when a woman tries to communicate with a man, the man often misses some important information in the conversation. Studies have shown that if two people evaluate the behavior of others at the same time, one of them is used to judging based on visual information generated face-to-face, while the other only relies on inner intuition to judge, then the former's The judgment made is likely to be more accurate than the latter.The former is based on body language.Women are completely capable of doing this process subconsciously.In fact, anyone can master the inner meaning of these signals through conscious learning, and this is the purpose of writing this book. If you've ever had a fortune teller do your divination, you've been amazed at how much he knows about you—even things that no one else knows except you.So, you think he must have psychic abilities, don't you?Through the in-depth study of the industry of divination, we have learned that its practitioners use a technique called "mind reading".With the help of this technique, even if you are facing a stranger, you can completely "read" his inner thoughts and make a judgment with an accuracy of up to 80%. For those who are simple-minded, sensitive and fragile, this technique is simply a kind of magical magic.In fact, this is just a process of observation and interpretation based on careful observation of body language signals, as well as an understanding of human nature and probability statistics.Psychologists, tarot readers, astrologers, and palm readers all use this technique to gather personal information about their "clients."Many people who know "mind reading" are usually unaware that this is actually an ability to interpret silent body language signals, so they gradually think that they must have some kind of "mental" power to spy to the subtle thoughts of others.All of these make people believe that some kind of magical "spiritual" power does exist in the world, and those who know "mind reading" can usually face the development of things with a positive and optimistic attitude. It makes people believe in the mysterious "spiritual" power even more. The neatly arranged array of tarot cards, one or two crystal balls, and a small number of spectators seem to constitute a small stage, while the fortune teller stands quietly in a corner of the stage, carefully observing and interpreting every intriguing body language The deep meaning behind it was sorted out and analyzed, and finally the divination result that shocked everyone was revealed.In such a situation, even the staunchest skeptic would be convinced that it must be the result of some marvelous force.In fact, in the final analysis, this is just a very common observation ability: first, the fortune teller will carefully look at the appearance characteristics of the other party, and then further observe the various reactions of the other party through talking and asking questions; With all the information combined, based on past experience, the fortune-teller can draw the conclusion he wants.Most "psychic" fortune tellers are women, and that's because, as we've said before, women's unique brain structure allows them not only to understand their thoughts through the body signals of babies, but also to deeply understand the inner feelings of others. emotional traits. The fortuneteller stared at the crystal ball, then suddenly, as if losing control, he burst out laughing.So John aimed at her nose and punched her.This is also the first time he chooses to use such a method to end their conversation. To prove it, you can experience the scenario described below for yourself.Imagine you walk into a room that is dimly lit and filled with smoke.Immediately afterwards, you saw a low moon-shaped table in the room with a crystal ball on it.At the table sits a fortune-teller, decked out in jewels and hooded.She said to you: Welcome to my world.I can feel a strong signal coming from you that it tells me that you are in some trouble.I know, all this time, you've been hoping to get something out of your life, but that can sometimes seem unrealistic.So, you often ask yourself, can I get them?Beyond that, I also know that you can seem easygoing, friendly, and sociable at times, and withdrawn, reserved, and wary at other times.In life and work, you not only have the ability to think independently, but also know that you can't easily believe what you see and hear without evidence.For this, you are very proud.You don't like steadiness, but if you are overly constrained by restrictions or habits, you will feel uncomfortable.You'd love to share your innermost secrets with your closest friends and family, but don't feel it's a wise decision to be too outgoing or revealing yourself too much.At this very moment, a man with the initials "S" appears in your life and has a great influence on you; besides, a woman born in November will be born next month. An invitation is sent to you that makes you very excited.Although you look well-trained and restrained on the outside, your heart is full of worries. Because of this, sometimes you look a little unhappy; sometimes you even feel confused and don't know your own decisions. and the choice is correct. How about it?Is our analysis of you accurate?Studies have shown that the accurate part of the information obtained by any person with the help of "mind reading" is usually higher than 80% of the total information.The accurate part of the information obtained by any person with the help of "mind reading" is usually higher than 80% of the total information.Excellent observation ability so that you will not miss any information conveyed through body language, facial expressions and other actions and expressions, coupled with the dim lights in the house, music and incense that create a mysterious atmosphere, we guarantee that you will be transformed immediately. As a fortune teller who speaks loudly!However, our purpose in writing this book is not really to encourage you to become a fortuneteller.We just want you to know that you can read other people's minds and make accurate judgments just like those fortune tellers. When you fold your arms across your chest, do you put your right leg on top of your left leg at the same time, or do you put your left leg on top of your right?Most people generally cannot answer this question right away unless they try it themselves.Now, please put your arms around your chest, and then try the two leg positions separately.Do you feel comfortable in one of the positions, but a little awkward in the other?Evidence suggests that it's genetics in us that determines which posture you prefer, so you don't change how you feel that way throughout your life. 70% of people are used to putting their left leg on their right leg. A lot of research has been done to figure out whether silent body language is something you're born with, a genetic trait, or a learned skill. discussion.We have gathered a wealth of information by observing the behavior of blind people (who cannot learn body language through acquired methods of visual learning due to blindness) and the gestures of people living in different cultures around the world.In addition, we have also carried out detailed research on apes and monkeys, close relatives of human beings, and obtained a lot of precious information. The results of this study show that some facial expressions and movements are classified into categories.For example, most primate babies are born with the ability to suck, suggesting that sucking is an innate or genetically inherited ability.German scientist Abel Eberfeld found that children who were born deaf and blind were born smiling without any need for learning or imitation.This fact shows that smiling is also a natural instinct.By studying the facial expressions and movements of people living in five very different cultures, Ekman, Friesen, and Thuresson show their support for Darwin's proposition that certain expressions and movements are innate resulting point of view.They found that despite cultural differences, the basic facial expressions people use to express emotion are the same.This discovery led them to the conclusion that these basic facial expressions and movements must also be innate, instinctive. Differences abound among cultures across the globe, but the basic body language signals used around the world are the same. As to whether the formation of certain facial expressions and movements is due to acquired cultural influence, or is due to habit, or is due to genetic inheritance, due to different opinions, there are still various debates and arguments in the academic circles.For example, after most men take off their clothes, they will put their clothes on their right arm first, while most women are just the opposite, preferring their left arm.This shows that for the same action, men are used to using the left side of the brain, while women are more inclined to use the right side of the brain.For the same action, men are used to using the left side of the brain, while women are more inclined to use the right side of the brain.On a crowded street, when a man and a woman pass opposite each other, the man will usually lean his body slightly towards the woman, while the woman will instinctively avoid the man, so as to avoid the other party touching her chest.So, is this reaction of a woman born instinctive, or is it a skill she has learned without knowing it after seeing other women do it? Most of the basic communication signals are used throughout the world.When people are happy, they smile; when they are sad or angry, they frown or glare.In most cases, nodding is usually used to express "approval" or affirmation, and its expression is to lower the head.Nodding is probably a natural instinct, because it is also known to be used by people born blind.Like nodding, shaking the head is a common gesture, and its meaning is the opposite of nodding, expressing "disapproval" or negation.Unlike nodding, shaking the head may be a kind of movement that people have mastered through acquired learning in childhood.When the baby is full, they will shake their head to avoid the mother's breast, thus refusing the mother to continue feeding.When children are full, they will shake their heads to resist the food brought to their mouths.So, unknowingly, the children quickly learned to shake their heads to express rejection or negation of other people's practices and ideas. During breastfeeding as babies, we learn to express "disapproval" by shaking our heads. In the course of human evolution, the roots of some facial expressions and movements can be traced back to ancient times.For example, most carnivores use a smiley expression to convey danger signals, but for primates, this expression has nothing to do with danger, and it conveys a signal of compromise and submission. The bared teeth and flaring nostrils, two facial expressions derived from aggression among animals, are among the simplest expressions frequently used by other primates.Animals show their teeth to warn each other, and if necessary, they will use their teeth to protect themselves or attack each other.For humans, although we don't use our teeth to attack each other like animals, we have found similar expressions and movements in humans. Contempt for humans and animals - you wouldn't want to date either Expanding the nostrils allows the lungs to take in more oxygen, thus preparing them for fight or flight, and in the primate world, this action is intended to warn others present that it takes enough time to defuse the imminent threat. A fallback support is required.In humans, this action is usually triggered by anger.It can also be shown when a person feels physically or psychologically threatened, or thinks something is not right. Shrug to express submission, compromise Shrugging is also a very common body movement.When people shrug, it means they don't know, or don't understand, what you're saying.The shoulder shrug is not a single simple movement, but consists of three main parts: spreading the palms to show that nothing is hidden in them; retracting the shoulders to protect the throat from attack; and raising the eyebrows itself is a universal expression , is a way of greeting that expresses obedience.The shoulder shrug is not a single simple movement, but consists of three main parts: spreading the palms to show that nothing is hidden in them; retracting the shoulders to protect the throat from attack; and raising the eyebrows itself is a universal expression , is a way of greeting that expresses obedience.Like spoken words, some seemingly identical body language signals can mean different things depending on culture.An action may be common in a certain culture and have a clear meaning. However, if it is placed in another culture, it is likely to be a simple action without any meaning, and even the meaning it expresses will be completely different. different from the previous meaning.We will discuss the link between cultural differences and body language later in Chapter 5. Rule #1: Understand Coherently Beginners often make one of the deadliest mistakes, which is to separate each expression or action, and to interpret other people's body language in isolation and one-sidedly while ignoring other related expressions or actions and the general environment.For example, scratching the head has many meanings, such as embarrassment, uncertainty, dandruff removal, itchy head, forgetfulness, or lying, etc. Therefore, its specific meaning should depend on other expressions and actions that occur at the same time.Like speech, body language also has phrases, sentences and punctuation points. Every expression or action is like a word, and the meaning of each word is not unique.In English, for example, the word "dressing" has at least ten interpretations, including the act of putting on clothes, seasoning food, garnishes for meat dishes, dressings for wounds, fertilizers, and horse ornaments. Therefore, only when you put a word into a sentence and understand it with other words can you fully understand the specific meaning of the word.Actions or expressions in the form of "sentences" are called body language groups, just like if we want to say a sentence, we need at least three words to organize it to clearly express the purpose of speaking.It can be said that if a person can understand long sentences of silent body language and accurately express them in vocal words, then his "perception" must be very strong, or his "intuition" must be very strong. sensitive. Scratching the head can express uncertainty, but it can also be seen as an action to remove dandruff. You're missing the point of what this man is saying. So, if you want to get accurate information, you should be coherent in observing body language. When we are bored or stressed, we often repeat one or more actions over and over again.When we are bored or stressed, we often repeat one or more actions over and over again.不停地摸头发或玩头发就是这种情况下我们最常见的一种表达方式，可是，假如不考虑其他动作或表情，同样的动作却很有可能表示这个人心中很焦虑，或是不确定。人们之所以会在这样的情况下做出摸头发或抚摸头部的动作，完全是因为当他们还是个小孩的时候，他们的妈妈就是用这样的方式来安抚他们的。 为了证明在解读肢体语言的过程中综合理解方式的必要性，我们给出了一种常见的边缘动作。当人们没有记住刚才所听到的话语时，常常会摆出这样的一个姿势： 当对方的言辞无法说服自己时，希拉里·克林顿就会摆出这样的姿势 最常见的动作就是将手移至脸旁，用拇指支撑着下巴，食指保持一种向上的姿势贴在脸颊上，而剩下的三个手指则正好将嘴巴挡住。另外，双腿紧紧交叉，而双臂也以类似的姿势环抱于胸前（一种防御的状态），与此同时，他的头和下巴均保持一种下垂的姿势（一种否定或不友善的态度）。种种迹象都表明该聆听者已经对所听到的内容做出了自己的评价。聆听者通过这一连串的肢体语言“群组”，就是想告诉对方“我对你的话不感兴趣”、“我不同意你的说法”或“虽然我对你的话很不满意，但是我正在努力克制自己的不满情绪”。 规则二：寻找一致性 研究表明，通过无声语言传递的信息所产生的影响力是有声话语的五倍。研究表明，通过无声语言传递的信息所产生的影响力是有声话语的五倍；而且当两个不同的人进行面对面交流的时候，尤其当这两个人都是女人的时候，她们几乎会全部依赖于无声的肢体语言进行交流，而无视话语所传递的信息。 如果你是一名演讲者，在某次演讲中，你邀请某位听众上台来发表他对你演说内容的意见，而他回答说，他并不赞同你的观点，那么，他通过肢体语言所传递的信息就应该与他的话语表意相吻合，也就是说，两种语言所表达的意思完全一致。但是，假如他口头上表示赞同你的话，但是，他通过肢体语言所传递的信息却并非如此，那么，他就很可能是在撒谎。 当一个人的话语与他的肢体语言相矛盾的时候，女性听众大都会忽视他的话语意思。 图片中的人因为感到寒冷而做出了这样的动作，并非想保护自己 当你看见一位站在演讲台后的政治家一边信心十足地向观众们说，他有多么尊重年轻人的意见，并承诺一定会虚心接受他们的建议；一边却又将自己的双臂环抱于胸前（以示防御），并且下巴微沉（批判、充满敌意的象征），那么，你还会相信他的说辞吗？假如他试图用热情且充满关切之情的口吻来打动你，并且还不时地用手敲打演讲台以吸引你的注意，那么，你是否会真地被他的言行所征服呢？西格蒙德·弗洛伊德曾经遇到过一个案例。案例中，病人告诉他，她的婚姻生活十分幸福。在谈话中，这位病人不断地将她的结婚戒指取下，然后又戴上。弗洛伊德注意到了她的这一无意识的小动作，他很清楚这意味着什么。所以，当有消息传来说她的婚姻出现问题时，弗洛伊德丝毫并不感到惊讶，因为一切都在他的意料之中。 观察肢体语言群组，注意肢体语言与有声话语的一致性就好比两把金钥匙，能够帮助我们打开肢体语言的宝库，从而正确地解读出无声语言背后的真正含义。 规则三：结合语境来理解 对所有动作和表情的理解都应该在其发生的大环境下来完成。例如，如果在一个寒冷的冬天，你看见某个人坐在一个公交车的终点站里，双臂紧紧环抱于胸前，双腿也紧紧地夹在一起。那么，这个时候，你就应该知道，他之所以摆出这种姿势，很有可能是因为他很冷，而并不是因为他想保护自己。但是，如果是你和某人隔桌而坐，而你又试图向他阐明自己的一些观点，或是向他推销某种产品和服务，面对你的说辞，对方摆出了一个和上面那个男人一样的姿势；那么这个时候，你应该明白，对方其实是想借此告诉你，他对你的话持否定的态度，或者说他对你的推销很抗拒。 观察肢体语言群组，注意肢体语言与有声话语的一致性就好比两把金钥匙，能够帮助我们打开肢体语言的宝库，从而正确地解读出无声语言背后的真正含义。本书中所谈到的所有肢体动作和表情都应该结合当时的情景来理解，同时，请不要忘记，你也应当综合前后动作和表情，连贯地思考问题。 一个人如果和他人握手时总是软绵绵的没有力气，或者握手的方式很温柔，尤其是男人。人们就很有可能会因此得出结论，他是一个性格懦弱的人。在下一章中，我们将会探讨有关握手的技巧，届时，我们就能明白其中的原委了。然而，假如某人有关节炎，那么，他也很有可能会采取这种轻柔的握手方式，从而避免强硬握手而带来的疼痛感。艺术家、音乐家、外科医生以及那些从事的职业十分精细且需要用到双手的人，在多数情况下，他们都不喜欢和他人握手。但是，假如不得不与他人握手时，他们就会采取一种“一带而过”的轻柔的握手方式，从而达到使自己的手不受伤害的保护目的。 有些人，由于身着的服饰与自己的身材不合或者过于紧绷，很有可能会因为无法做出某种动作而影响肢体语言的使用。举例来说，肥胖的人通常都无法跷起二郎腿。身穿短裙的女人出于保护自己的目的，会在坐下的同时双腿紧紧合拢。但是，这样的姿势却会让别人产生一种拒他人于千里之外的感觉，亲和力不够，所以，在舞会上她们得到的受邀请的机会有可能会比其他女人少。虽然以上这些情况仅适用于少数人群，但是，我们应该明白，对于理解无声的肢体语言而言，全面细致地思考问题是关键的一步。只有彻底地了解了个人能力及其身体的局限性对肢体语言的影响，我们才能正确地领悟无声语言背后的含义。 与年轻人相比，要想正确理解老年人的面部表情和动作似乎是一件更加困难的事情，这是因为老年人面部肌肉的伸缩能力比年轻人差很多。 完成某些动作和表情的速度，以及在他人眼中，完成动作和表情的明显程度与每个人的年龄息息相关。例如，如果一个年仅五岁的孩子撒了谎，他很可能会在说完之后就立刻用一只手或双手捂住自己的嘴巴。 孩子捂住嘴巴的动作往往会提醒父母，孩子正在说谎。而这一动作也很有可能会贯穿一个人的一生，只不过在这一过程中完成动作的速度发生了变化。当一个十来岁的少年说了谎，他也会像之前那个说谎的孩子那样，将手移到嘴边。不过，与之前迅速地遮住嘴巴不同的是，他只是将手指放在嘴边，轻轻地在嘴边摩挲着。 说谎的小孩撒谎的少年 成年后，人们在年幼时养成的一撒谎就捂嘴巴的习惯动作的速度甚至变得更快了。当一名成年人说了谎话，他的反应和五岁的孩子以及少年说谎时的反应一模一样，将手向嘴巴的方向移去，就好像他的大脑向手发出了指令：捂住嘴巴，从而不让那些不真实的话语说出口。但是，最终，他举起的手并没有放在嘴巴上，而是在轻轻地碰触到鼻子之后就又重新放下了。这就是一名成年人在试图掩饰谎言时经常会用到的一种肢体动作，其本质上和五岁孩童捂嘴巴的动作是一致的，只不过方式发生了改变而已。 比尔·克林顿正面对大陪审团，回答他们所提出的关于莫妮卡·莱温斯基的问题这就表明，随着人们年龄的增大，他们的肢体动作和面部表情也就随之变得不再那么明显，所以，同样是解读肢体动作和面部表情，假如对象是一名五岁的孩童，而不是一位五十岁的中老年人，那情况就会变得简单多了。 常常会有人问我们：“你能够在自己的肢体语言上做手脚吗？”通常情况下来说，这个问题的答案都是否定的。因为，假如我们对肢体语言弄虚作假，那么，在同一时间发生的主要肢体动作和表面表情，肢体细节所传递的微信号以及我们的话语，这三者之间必定无法达成一致。假如我们对肢体语言弄虚作假，那么，在同一时间发生的主要肢体动作和表面表情，肢体细节所传递的微信号以及我们的话语，这三者之间必定无法达成一致。例如，摊开的手掌通常被认为是诚实的标志，但是当作假者对你说了谎，虽然他面带微笑，而且向你摊开了手掌，但是一些细微的身体动作和表情却会让他的谎言不攻自破。他的瞳孔可能会变小，他可能会扬起左边或右边的眉毛，而他嘴角的肌肉则可能因为紧张而略微有些抽搐。所有这些信号所传达的信息都与摊开的手掌和真诚的微笑代表的含义相悖。结果，他的谈话对象，尤其是女人，通常都不会相信他的话。 相比较而言，两性中，男人更容易被虚假的肢体语言所蒙蔽，而女人解读肢体语言的能力比男人更胜一筹。 在我们开展的一次面试中，一位男性面试者向我们解释了他放弃之前那份工作的原因。他告诉我们，他觉得之前的公司没能给他提供足够的发展机会，但是由于他和所有的同事都相处得十分融洽，所以在是否离开原来那家公司的问题上，他一直有些犹豫，觉得很难抉择，直到最近才做出了这个艰难的决定。听完他的陈述后，一位女面试官说，她的“直觉”告诉自己，这位求职者在说谎，而且尽管他对自己的前任老板赞美不已，但是事实上，他却并不认可这位上司。通过对面试录像进行慢动作回放，我们注意到，每当提到前任老板，这位求职者的左脸上便会闪现出一种转瞬即逝的嘲笑的表情。 在大多数情况下，这些自相矛盾的信号都会在说谎者的脸上显现出来，但是显现的时间却非常之短暂，稍纵即逝，因此，没有接受过专业训练的观察者大都无法发现和辨认这些细微的信号。事后，我们致电他的前任老板，结果发现，这位求职者是因为与其他同事共同贩毒而被公司开除的。显然，他相信自己能够用虚假的肢体语言骗过我们的眼睛，但是他自相矛盾的细微肢体信号却让我们的女面试官发现了他的破绽，从而揭穿了他的谎言。 通过上述故事里提到的方法，我们完全能够区分真假肢体语言，判断出对方究竟是个诚恳诚实的人，还是一个说谎者或冒名顶替者。摊开手掌以示诚恳的方法学起来并不困难，但是一些细微的身体信号，譬如说瞳孔放大、发汗、脸红等，却很难通过有意识地学习而掌握。 作假者的谎言只能维持一段很短的时间。 不过，在某些个案里，当事人会有意地制造虚假的肢体语言从而取得某方面的优势。举例来说，在世界小姐或环球小姐竞选中，每一位参赛者都会故意做出一些事先准备好的肢体动作，从而为自己营造一种真诚而热情的气质，给评委和观众留下深刻的印象，最终获得较高的评分。然而，即使是接受过专业训练的参赛者，她利用虚假的肢体语言蒙蔽评委和观众的时间也不会很长。因为，时间一长，其他的那些肢体信号就会暴露出许多与有意识的假动作相矛盾的信息。为了争取投票者的信任，许多政治家们都十分善于利用虚假的肢体语言，堪称这方面的专家。而那些成功地利用虚假的肢体语言赢得大众信任和好评的政治家们，譬如说约翰·F·肯尼迪和阿道夫·希特勒则通常会被人们认为具有某种神奇的“感召力”。 总而言之，要想长时间地利用虚假的肢体语言来隐藏自己的真实想法，是一件十分困难的事情。但是，正如我们在下文中谈到的，我们应该认识到，学会正确地利用肢体语言与他人进行交流，避免使用容易产生误解的肢体语言，扬其长，避其短，使肢体语言真正为我们所用，这对我们每个人而言都是相当重要且必需的。充分发挥肢体语言的优势将会使我们与他人的相处变得更加融洽，也会使我们自己变得更加容易被他人所接受，而这也正是我们撰写此书的目的之一。 你需要做的就是每天抽出15分钟的时间来研究和学习他人的肢体语言，与此同时，也对自身的肢体语言获得一种更深入的认识。凡是有人出现，有人际交往的地方，就是我们学习肢体语言的好场所。在机场，人们往往会将自己心中的渴望、愤怒、悲痛、快乐以及焦虑和其他各种情感通过肢体语言的形式公开地表现出来，因此，要想观察人们的面部表情和动作，机场实在是一个再好不过的地方了。除此之外，公共集会、商业会谈以及各种舞会也都是学习和研究他人肢体语言的大好机会。当你真正成为一名解读肢体语言的专家之后，你可以在参加聚会的时候，选择一个角落，然后什么都不做，就那么安安静静地坐在那儿，观察与会人们的肢体语言，揣摩他们的心思。我想，那应该会是一个美妙的夜晚。 与其祖先相比，现代人类解读肢体语言的能力实在是太糟糕了，因为我们将注意力全都集中在了有声的话语上。 电视也同样可以成为我们学习肢体语言的好帮手。当我们看电视的时候，可以将声音关至最小，尝试着只通过观看电视画面去理解剧情。然后，再将音量调高，检查自己对剧情的推测和判断是否准确。通过这样的锻炼，很快，你就会发现自己完全可以像聋人一样，即使是在没有声音的情况下，也能够理解电视节目的全部内容。 学习解读他人的肢体语言不仅能够让我们更加准确地明白他人控制和操纵事物的方法，而且只有通过学习，我们才能意识到其实他们对待我们的方法与对待这些事务的方法并无区别。学习解读他人的肢体语言不仅能够让我们更加准确地明白他人控制和操纵事物的方法，而且只有通过学习，我们才能意识到其实他们对待我们的方法与对待这些事务的方法并无区别。而且最重要的是，学习和了解肢体语言能够让我们更加关心和在乎他人的感受和情绪。 现在，社会科学领域又出现了一个全新的职业——肢体语言观察家。正如鸟类观察家热衷于观察鸟及其行为一样，肢体语言观察家会很认真地观察并记录下人类的每一个无声的动作和表情，精心捕捉隐藏其间的各种隐性信息，并且乐在其中。在各大公共集会中，比如在海滩上、在电视中、在办公室里以及任何人际交流发生的地方，肢体语言观察家都睁大了双眼，仔细观察着身边的每一个人。他们认真地学习和研究人们的每一个动作和表情，渴望能够对同伴们的各种行为意义有更深入的了解和认识，从而实现其最终的目的——更加真实、充分地了解自己，掌握改善同他人关系的好方法。 观察家与高谈阔论的区别是什么？ 前者通常手持一块笔记板和一支笔，而后者则只有一张嘴。