Chapter 9 Chapter 8 Psychomanipulation for Manipulating the Emotions of Others

People are emotional animals.When being praised by others, they will show joyful expressions.Some people will be elated when they hear exaggerated praise, and if they add flattery, they will be even more elated. Compliments are the lubricant of interpersonal relationships, and the use of compliments is a key to establishing good interpersonal relationships.And there is not too much praise, if you only say it once and then never say it again, the effect will not be exerted; if you can keep going up like an escalator, you can achieve the best effect. There are two situations when praising others, one is to praise the general merits, and the other is to praise the subtle merits that people don't pay attention to.Compared with the two, the latter kind of praise is more likely to make people happy.

For example, women are very clear about their own facial features, appearance, and body advantages. If they make a fuss about it, it will only make her feel superfluous, and even considered a hypocritical dedication.However, if you make a fuss about the parts that the other party doesn't take seriously, and affirm the unnoticed advantages of the other party, you will be overjoyed with convenience. Complimenting experts and professors on his hobbies, for example, a certain mathematics professor's calligraphy is very good, will get him more favor than praising his professional achievements.

In 1963, the famous American poet Roberts Foster was praised by Khrushchev, the then leader of the Soviet Union, many times. These praises not only failed to make him happy, but made him feel uneasy.Why do you feel this way?Critics speculate: Maybe the poet notices what to do if he fails next time? In short, everyone likes to hear good things, but good things cannot be said too much.If it is too much, the other party will think that you are not worthy, or worry that you will not be able to maintain your advantages for a long time, or doubt your motives.For example, for a new employee who can write well, his paperwork report is highly appreciated by his superiors.Because he is often praised, he feels sincere and fearful, unable to bear the embarrassment of making a fool of himself, which creates a psychological burden.

According to the analysis of criminal psychology experts, the reason why the thief is "fearless" is that he knows that the victim is "worried about being killed." Usually, once the victim finds the thief, he always turns around and runs away or shouts loudly. This subconscious behavior has long been expected by the thief. , so it does not prevent its theft.But if the victim's reaction is not what the thief expected, it will make him uneasy. The house of a female writer was visited by thieves. The female writer tried her best to suppress her sense of terror, and pretended to be relaxed and said, "Just take it!"Therefore, when encountering unfavorable situations, no matter how fearful or angry you are in your heart, you should pretend to be indifferent on the surface.

When interacting with women, you must understand what they care about.Generally speaking, their deepest troubles are clothing, company and food, that is, what to eat?with whom?What to wear to go? For clothes, companions and food, women always have a strong sense of need, and they don't want to lose face in these things.As long as there are no mistakes in these three things, you will feel at ease to communicate.Therefore, if you want to win the favor of women, you might as well start from the above three problems. When speaking, pay attention to a friendly tone and avoid a blunt attitude, because the other party may have been suffocated for a long time and is worried about not being able to find a punching bag.

People are prone to accumulate dissatisfaction when they are busy, lack of sleep, fasting, and unhappy in life. Once the outside world interferes, it is easy to cause unexplained anger.But if it is kind and sincere advice or persuasion, it will not arouse the other party's anger. For example, at breakfast, the phone kept ringing, the baby was woken up crying loudly, the toaster smelled burnt... At this point, if the husband said: "Damn bastard, the bread is baked like this" Is it?" The wife must be very angry.Instead, if you say something like this: "You're too busy with the kids, the phone, and the baking," the wife will feel relieved to be understood.

Therefore, in interpersonal relationships, we must pay attention to using friendly words to avoid hurting the other party and causing the other party's anger. As the saying goes: don't talk too much.The so-called "too absolutely" is too abstract, too absolute.There are also degrees of abstraction. For example, "You are such a bad person" is obviously more abstract than "You are such a bad person who always breaks promises."If you suddenly say "You are too bad", the other party must be confused and at a loss.The latter statement is less abstract and relatively easier for the other party to accept.

Therefore, when making suggestions to others, you should be as specific as possible, so that the other party can easily accept it.The more abstract the words, the easier it is to confuse the other party.He will always think about the meaning of your words, and he will not even know how to answer.On the contrary, if you want to deliberately make others angry, abstraction is easy to work. Inadvertently offended someone, the reason is that the other party mistakenly thinks that you "have something in your words" has a housewife who is kind in nature, but because of her outspokenness, she often stabs her sister-in-law unintentionally.Later, the housewife listened to the psychologist's advice and tried to remove the possible overtones in the words when talking to the sister-in-law, so that the sister-in-law shook hands and talked happily, and the relationship between them became harmonious.

In fact, not only within the family, but also between people in society often cause disputes because of blurted words.To prevent these unhappiness, you must think about it before talking, and try to eliminate the overtones in the words. When the other person is angry or sad, never touch the reasons that make him emotional, but fully accept his emotions, show sympathy, follow his words, and he will be healed soon. For example, when faced with a young man who is indignant because of his boss's groundless scolding, he should not ask, "What's going on? Have you tried hard to make the boss understand the truth?" Instead, he should say: "So , are you angry about this? You should slap the table and scold him, or simply ignore him and run out, or even submit your resignation immediately, this kind of boss is really hateful and incompetent, no wonder you will be angry..." Try your best when speaking Cater to each other's mood.

After saying this, most people will feel that "you should do this and say that." After repeating it loudly several times, the originally excited emotions finally gradually calmed down. Sometimes I feel nervous when talking to people.Telling the tension truthfully can not only eliminate it quickly, but also shorten the distance between the two parties and gain the approval of others. Betka, the record holder of the national insurance industry, began to solicit insurance business and had an indescribable sense of fear when interviewing celebrities.Once, when he stepped into the office of an auto industry giant, he was so nervous that he couldn't speak suddenly, and the other party looked at him in surprise.After some difficulty, he summoned up the courage to say, "I am honored to have the opportunity to meet you today. But when I saw you, I was too scared to speak."

After Betka managed to squeeze out these words, the strange thing was that the sense of fear disappeared without a trace in an instant, and the words became fluent.Based on this experience, Betka noticed and put forward the rule of "when you are timid, be brave enough to admit the truth". Often, feelings of inferiority or guilt well up in us.Why does this state of mind arise?The reason is that people are not sure of their own reality, and it is easy to believe or accept the evaluation of others. For example, if you work hard every day but only have a meager monthly salary, if someone criticizes him at this time and says: "This guy has no skills, it's great to get 300 yuan." After hearing such comments, he may lose confidence in his work. In the face of other people's comments, adopting an objective evaluation attitude can effectively eliminate the inferiority complex of oneself or others.For example, is the analysis of the other party's evaluation really correct?Although there have been such comments in the past, can the current situation prove it? Do I need to admit this reality?By asking and answering yourself in this way, deleting untrue evaluations one by one, and making statements in the form of reports, you can eliminate the sense of inferiority for no reason. People are depressed and unhappy in their hearts, and long-term grievances often form a kind of "bad feelings". If you find an empty place to yell and scold to your heart's content, you can effectively reduce the degree of psychological depression and achieve the release of abnormal psychology. The purpose of energy makes the mind extremely comfortable. We often hear the saying "have a good fight" between husband and wife.Husband and wife blame each other, and after a quarrel, the two parties will be psychologically balanced, and they will get back together, shaking hands and talking happily, and the relationship between husband and wife may be more harmonious. In a prison in New Jersey, the United States, rapists are allowed to yell all kinds of dirty words loudly during a certain period of time.Prison authorities achieve the purpose of treating prisoners by yelling and venting. In short, when people are very unhappy, they might as well find a place to roar loudly, which can effectively eliminate dissatisfaction.You may wish to give it a try. Maybe you won't believe it, but it happens in life. A young lady was suffering from bronchitis, and the doctor half-jokingly said, "Miss, you seem to have an Adam's apple. You're not a girl, are you?" The doctor just said it casually, but the words "not a girl" caused a huge blow to the girl under 20 years old.From then on, she often wore high-necked clothes, and if the family looked at her neck, she immediately put on a straight face, then lost her temper and became slightly nervous. This is the "authority effect", that is, some people in society will have a great influence on the evaluation of others because of their authoritative status and image.Because the speaker is a doctor, the patient will easily believe it, so that he is in a desperate situation. If it is said from the general population, it will be considered a joke. Using the principle of "authority effect", it is a very powerful move for experts to praise or belittle others: it is easy to make people and easy to destroy people. Everyone will have setbacks or unfortunate experiences. If you keep rolling in the mud, you will sink deeper and deeper.If the "symbolic tactics" are used to express the experience of failure in positive language, it will be easy to get out of the predicament. If there are a series of unfortunate events in the family, we tell ourselves "bad luck this year" to downplay the unfortunate facts, leaving only the language symbol of "bad luck", so as to avoid falling into a serious setback and detach ourselves from the predicament come out.Here, the negative failure experience was transformed into a positive attitude, which relieved me of my mental distress. Different titles indicate the closeness of the relationship between the two parties and the degree of respect for each other's personality.If the two parties have met each other, but the other party has no impression of their own name at all, it shows that the other party does not take themselves seriously at all.For those who specialize in dealing with people, remembering the other person's name and calling it out the next time you meet is a very useful weapon.The guests will therefore have an inexplicable pleasant feeling, thinking that they are famous and valued by the other party. If you don't want to recognize the other party's ability and personality, or don't want to deal with the other party, you can pretend that you don't know the other party's name, implying that you are in an unequal position and that you have a superior position.This is a practical psychological technique. For someone who deliberately despises and alienates, ask deliberately: "Ah, I forgot, what's your name?" Asking means: Your existence is of no help to me, so I don't remember your name at all.As soon as this kind of unfriendly question is uttered, the other party seems a little uncomfortable. They will think that the person who said this is very rude or arrogant. In a negotiation situation, if you propose unfavorable conditions to the other party, the other party will definitely object strongly and reject the topic content.Therefore, before talking about unfavorable topics, you should first say something like "I know you will be angry". After being seen through by others, based on defensive instincts and self-esteem protection, I will blurt out: "I am not like what you said!" It means that I have not been seen through.In this way, even if the content of the conversation is unpleasant, the other party is also embarrassed to get angry easily. Based on the human defensive instinct, he will protect his self-esteem, but at the same time he will tie himself down and accept other people's bargaining conditions easily. If the questions raised by the other party when they are excited cannot be resolved, they will easily fall into a deadlock, so such questions should be avoided.If it is a personal matter, you can express your attitude by saying "this matter is too complicated, let's have a cup of tea first." This will stabilize the other party for a while, which is better than two people arguing endlessly.In a formal situation, such as a topic that causes a quarrel in a meeting, the meeting moderator should first acknowledge the importance of the issue and then say "this question is too difficult to answer immediately" to contain the other party.Or say "That's another day" to keep the meeting going.And when the other party gets the reply of "Let's talk about it another day", he will think it is better than being rejected, which can ease the excitement, restrain the edge, and stop entanglement. Masao Kato, a famous Japanese Go player, has a trick that makes his opponent a headache.During the game, he sometimes coughed loudly, and sometimes crackled the fan in his hand, which greatly disturbed the thinking opponent, either prolonging the countdown time, or playing softly or badly. Chess players lose their cool-headedness, or become impulsive, so of course they can't play chess well.The same is true for ordinary people. If you lose your temper first when negotiating with others, you will always suffer a disadvantage.Because people's reason and emotion are like a seesaw, one end must go up and the other end must go down.If you can take advantage of this psychological weakness of people to induce the other party to be irritable or lose their temper first, you will benefit greatly. Even if your theory is correct, don't persuade the other party when the other party is furious, it will only add fuel to the fire.The most important thing at this time is to calm down and listen to the other party's reasons.Generally speaking, after people have vented their grievances and dissatisfaction, they will stabilize for a while and want to see the other party's reaction.At this time, explain it again, and the other party's tough attitude will become relaxed, so as to accept other people's opinions. An experienced teacher will not directly reprimand the students who are speaking small talk, but he will order the students next to the small talker to stand up to read or answer questions, so the small talker has no market and can concentrate on listening to the class.This method is called "indirect persuasion" to increase the awareness of the participants in class, and other students will not be too nervous. During the meeting, the consciousness of the silent person is low, so the meeting host should first consider enhancing the participation awareness of the silent person and urging them to speak, but not directly referring to their names, but deliberately asking them to express their opinions.When the person next to him speaks, it will prompt the silent person to become enthusiastic, from a nervous state of mind to a positive speech.If you directly refer to his name, it will cause resentment. Catching one or two victims as scapegoats is a strong way to persuade the other party.This method is: instead of directly criticizing the subordinates who have made mistakes, they deliberately scold other subordinates so that they can be vigilant.This is more effective than direct berating. For example, the employees in the department under my jurisdiction are very slack and often make mistakes. It would take too much time and effort to correct them one by one.At this time, it is very effective to criticize a subordinate to influence the behavior of others, and it can serve as a warning to others.Because when the subordinate who was sacrificed was criticized, the other subordinates also knew it well, so the atmosphere in the whole department would become tense and the mistakes would be reduced.In the hearts of employees, they are grateful because they have escaped the criticism of their leaders, forming a mentality that is not easy to resist, and the superiors can then control the subordinates. Do you believe or disbelieve what others say?Some cautious and stubborn people have become more distrustful because of past failures, and in fact they are willing to trust others. To deal with this type of person, it is necessary to suggest reasons that they can accept, prompting them to believe others.For example, when selling valuables such as fur coats, say to a hesitant housewife: "You will look beautiful when you wear it, and your husband will be happy when he sees it." Might be reluctant to buy it.