Chapter 8 Chapter 7 Psychological Manipulation for Keeping Others from Saying No

According to the "adoption principle" of psychology, if you want the other party to agree with your opinion, you must first agree with the other party, and then you can persuade him to agree with your opinion. Psychological face-to-face therapy often adopts the so-called "adoption" method, that is, a "non-instructive method." Accept these concepts so that the other person will feel respected and safe.In this case, it is easier to improve interpersonal relationships, so that it is easy for the other party to accept your proposition. This approach can be useful in other ways besides psychotherapy.Especially those salesmen, when encountering stubborn or flatly rejected customers, can use statements such as "just as you said...", "that makes sense" or "it is true...".

The same is true of the experiments conducted by the American psychologist Ekman to change the opinions of students.To all the students who opposed the death penalty system, he always answered with the word "yes" first, and finally made the students change their original intentions. "What would you do if you were in my shoes?" This method of persuasion is the first step in persuasion. Let the other person take the role you play, and get what you need from the other person's conversation.This method is equivalent to temporarily handing yourself over to the other party, letting the other party speak from their own standpoint, and then discovering the content that is beneficial to you in the conversation for later use.

To persuade others, it is necessary to let the other party participate in their own affairs and pay attention to them. This is the first condition for persuasion.Then explore the other party's opinion from the degree of concern of the other party, which is the second condition of persuasion. "What would you do if you stood in my shoes?" This method of persuasion satisfies both conditions.This method can also be changed to a general statement: "When you are in this situation, how would you deal with it?" In this way, you can definitely find out from the other party's answer that the other party is speaking from your position, and at the same time find out what is right for you. Helpful information.

Human thinking and language have a kind of inertia. By using this inertia, you can get the answer you need by hiding a question you want the other party to answer "yes" in a series of questions that can only be answered with "yes". The general manager of an insurance company in the United States used this method in the conversation with the staff he wanted to transfer. Finally, the other party readily said "yes" and agreed to the transfer: "The weather is really nice today." "Ok!" "Spring seems to be here." "I think so."

"How are your wife and children?" "Well, they're all fine." "You are 35 years old!" "Yeah! I just had my 35th birthday last month." "You have been in the company for 13 years!" "Yes! Just turned 13 years." Gradually escalate the questioning to let the other party say "yes", and finally turn the topic to the purpose of the conversation. "You will agree to this transfer." "Yes, of course I'd be happy to say OK." This is the question-and-answer method of slowly introducing the other party into a hypnotic state. Prepare a few questions in advance that will allow the other party to say "yes", and then ask the main question to guide the other party to say "yes".

Standing in the position of the other party, exploring the other party's desires and emotions, and persuading the other party accordingly, this is the basic method of verbal persuasion. In fact, many things failed because both parties held their own opinions and no one was willing to make concessions.In order to change this situation, sometimes it is necessary to stand on the other side's standpoint and propose countermeasures to change the deadlock.For example, when the other party holds a negative opinion, start from the other party's point of view, find out the specific reasons that lead to the negative conclusion, and then list them one by one, and prescribe the right medicine so that the other party no longer insists on his own opinion.For example, Zhuge Liang used this method when he persuaded Sun Quan of the Eastern Wu to unite Liu against Cao during the Three Kingdoms period.That is to say, first stand on the standpoint of Soochow Wu, and propose that Soochow can fight if it can fight, and if it can't fight, it will surrender, and persuade Sun Quan by making side attacks.

Psychologists once conducted an experiment in which every family was asked to put a sign saying "Let's Beautify the City" in front of the door.The experiment was carried out by two groups separately.The first group asked the subjects to set up a small sign first, and then asked to set up a larger sign; the second group asked the other party to set up a large sign at the beginning.The result was a 76% success rate for the first group and only 17% for the second group. This experiment tells us that when a person asks for something, if the lion opens his mouth at the beginning, the other party will definitely find it difficult to accept it and refuse it straight away.On the contrary, if you start with small things first, and then gradually increase the size after the other party accepts it, it will be difficult for the other party to refuse.

Which of the following three statements do you think is most acceptable: (1) Do your homework. (2) Please do your homework. (3) We do homework together. Most people will choose the third option.Why is the third most acceptable?Comparing the three statements, we can understand the truth. "Do homework" is generally used by teachers who assign homework or nagging mothers; for children who are rebellious, mothers will make requests with "please do homework"; I speak from the standpoint of a student doing homework. From the above analysis, we can see that the most unrestricted and most acceptable is to adopt the words of people who are in a similar situation to yourself.According to experts, the same sentence is easily accepted by "insiders" and rejected by "outsiders".Therefore, when making requests to others, one should adopt the tone of an "insider", so as to improve the persuasive effect.

If you want to achieve your goals in dealing with people, you must not offend the other party's self-esteem. If you can further arouse the other party's sense of superiority in your speech, maybe your request has been half granted by the other party. There is a local politician, when he wants to talk to big figures in the central political circles, he always starts with "As far as I am concerned, I don't know much about..." "Maybe I am exaggerating...".People asked him why he said these words?He said he used it unintentionally, but because his boss was very happy, he kept using it.

The sentence "I don't quite understand" can not only express one's own humility, but also satisfy the other party's sense of superiority, so it has an effect. When communicating with people, if the other party is a person with a higher status or a person with a certain specialty, you can use this method to achieve your goal.That is, first affirm the other party's status or expertise, and then say some respectful words, which will surely be popular and gratifying, so that it is easy to meet your requirements. Once a person's self-esteem is satisfied, it is difficult to say "no" again.The use of the so-called comparative adjectives is to secretly praise the other party for having "achieved" a certain level of expectation, and implore him to "be better and better" so as to induce the other party to submit.

A famous fundraising advertisement in the United States "Can you donate more money this year?" Just use the comparative adjective "more" The person who saw the ad may have never donated a dime in the past, but the ad assumes he gave some money last year.Since this sentence satisfies people's self-esteem, it is easy for people to pay for it happily. If you study the advertising words carefully, you will find that many adjectives have the common nature of comparatives.For example: "This serialized novel can make you have a more correct insight." "XX lipstick will make you more attractive." Although these text advertisements omit the object of comparison, they all implicitly admit that consumers can improve to a higher level under the existing ideal state, so it is easy to win people's favor. Using comparative adjectives gives people a pretty good sense of self-satisfaction.Because of the sense of satisfaction, it is no longer easy to deny new, higher and more goals. When commenting on others, if you directly address "you" or "you", it is easy to make the other party feel conflicted.You should try to make the title as abstract as possible, so that the other party will not feel that you are talking about yourself, and virtually lift your psychological guard, so that you can easily persuade him. When some elders criticize a mischievous young man, they often say: "Young people nowadays..." This kind of statement that does not clearly specify the target, because it refers to a certain type of people in general, will reduce the resistance of the critics. If you address someone with an ambiguous title and use it repeatedly, it will make the other person feel dull.For example, if people, men, women, young people, old people, adults, children, etc. are used intricately in a conversation, the other party will feel that he does not belong to them, and thus will not have a strong reaction. If you want to persuade the other party and make others obey your will, in addition to the content of the expression, impressive words and sentences are particularly effective.The word "that" is often used to create the illusion that the other party seems to be familiar with the matter, which will increase your persuasive power virtually.Expressions such as "That's the car you've always wanted to buy" create the illusion that a person has been looking forward to it for a long time, even if he never waited. Some women's weekly magazines often publish sentences with the word "that", such as: "The sound of her crying with her mother is still in my ears" "The sister attempted suicide, why?" "The Lady's Divorce Negotiations Have Stalled" et al.This kind of words makes the things that were not known at first appear to be known before because of the use of the word "that". The demonstrative pronoun "that" can represent all things with or without memory and the impression and reaction of common perception.The word "that" is often used, which seems to build a bridge between the speaker and the listener, guide the listener into the world of the speaker, and make the listener virtually relieve their resistance and express their agreement. The interactive influence system of ethology reveals that in various stalemate situations, if one party frankly admits that he "may be wrong", the other party may no longer stick to the original position, and the situation will develop in the direction you expect. Psychologists once conducted an experiment aimed at improving the relationship between a group of people who did not like each other.The method is: Divide this group of people into two groups, and tell one group to look at each other with kind eyes and express a friendly attitude.As a result, another group of uninstructed people can also express friendship naturally. The success rate of the experiment accounts for the smooth birth of the Constitution during the American Revolutionary War, thanks to the famous politician Franklin's technique of turning enemies into friends.At that time, at the Constitutional Convention, there was a heated debate among the participants on the interpretation of the Constitution, and the atmosphere of the meeting was heated.In order to quell the conflict and complete the constitution-making work, Franklin stood up and addressed the participants. He frankly admitted that the differences may be due to his own mistakes, so he was able to turn the enemy into a friend and passed the constitution smoothly. It can be seen from this that the statement "Maybe I was wrong..." is undoubtedly actively drilling holes in the opponent's solid defensive wall, which can turn the enemy into a friend. You may have experienced such an experience: you accidentally left something at a friend's house, and you called to hope that your friend would send it back for you, but your friend said: "You forgot to take your things away, it is too troublesome to make a special trip, and I will be responsible for delivering them." Go, or will you go around to my house and pick it up another day when you are free?" You originally expected your friends to send it back for you, but since your friends have said so, you can only say: "...in a few days, I will definitely go to your place to pick it up." Another example, the company employees are tired of working overtime every day, But the company wants workers to work an extra day so that work can go smoothly.So the manager said to the employees: "Hey, everyone is tired, why don't you finish early today and go home to rest, so that you can add another day to work tomorrow." From these examples, we can see that people hope that their demands or desires will be accepted by the other party, but at the same time, they also have a sense of guilt lurking in their hearts.So it is not surprising that outspoken demands have drawn opposition or resistance.On the contrary, if you can predict the other party's thoughts in advance and accept their requirements naturally, you can make the other party tempted and say without thinking: "It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter." Your request can be easily met. Therefore, accepting the other party's request first and then rejecting it is an effective strategy to retreat. Talk to the object of silence, might as well throw a few harsh words.As long as he opens his mouth to refute, he will easily fall into your trap and finally speak out his true inner thoughts. For example, you can say something unkind to an employee who is not efficient in the company and does not obey the orders of his superiors: "You must not get along very well with your wife." Hearing this kind of evaluation that has nothing to do with work, even those who keep silent will feel that their self-esteem has been hurt and angrily deny: "How can such a thing happen." At this time, it is necessary to pursue the victory: "How can you speak so confidently?" He may have fallen into a trap because of this, and he was honest about his dissatisfaction. There are many ways to attack the heart, sympathizing on the surface, comforting with gentle words, and intimidating... As long as you shake the other person's heart, he will say things he doesn't want to say at all. The American police have adopted many psychological tactics in the psychological interrogation of the defendant. The American police manual states: Do your best to get close to the other party's physiology and psychology, so as to shake the other party's heart.There are many ways to shake one's heart, and the following are some commonly used methods by the American police: First of all, choose an undecorated room as the interrogation room.Mainly to avoid distracting the suspect and the resulting emotional turmoil. The interrogator will interrogate in an orderly tone.For example, "Sit down!" "Look here!" Use authoritative interrogation methods to get the other party to speak. In addition to the above methods, you can also express sympathy for the other party.If the other person is a suspected rapist, you can say something like this: "From the actual age of the woman, she is too revealing. I would be tempted. Maybe she is also interested in you." This type of interrogation may give the suspect a sense of unity with the interrogator.At the same time, even if you know that your behavior is illegal, you may think it is nothing special, and say it frankly.If it is a joint crime, tell one of them that the partner has confessed in full. This technique is also very effective in daily life, but it should not be used for bad things. In large companies in Japan, all personnel related to the factory can put forward opinions anytime and anywhere in order to produce better products.This practice of making employees "involved" in running the company has led to improved product quality, which has worked out well. Likewise, this "sense of participation" plays an important role in interpersonal relationships.Anyone can find satisfaction in the thought of having his opinion adopted.For example, say to your boss: "I often hear that you need to cultivate interpersonal relationships outside the company, so the upper limit of communication expenses should be increased..." When you put forward your own suggestions, you incorporate the opinions of your boss into it, and the boss will feel that your opinions are taken seriously and it is easy to adopt your suggestions.At this time, if you want to go further and say something like "I thought of... because of your words", it seems more natural and appropriate. When journalists want to interview someone, they often tirelessly wait for the interviewee to return late at night, or wait for the interviewee before he or she gets up in the morning.This kind of enthusiastic effort will cause the other party to have a psychological burden of sympathy, so they have to express their inner feelings and provide the reporter with the latest information. This is what journalists do to get the scoop.If you are good at using this method at work and let the other party know that you are very enthusiastic, it will impress the other party and produce very good results. The editor of a certain magazine is a master at inviting writers to write articles.He is not one of the eloquent people. He only said one sentence to the "I am too busy to write..." writers: "Of course I know you are busy, and it is because you are busy that I asked you to write." People who are too idle will not have good works." His method of inviting busy people to write has never failed. Generally speaking, it is quite difficult to get a person who refuses with a good reason to agree to help.Because this kind of person is fully prepared, pleading words such as "Please help..." will make him feel bored.To deal with this kind of person, it may be effective to praise the other party's reasons and then make a request according to the previous example. The most handy to apply this method is the cosmetics salesman.When they first meet with users, most housewives will not buy.At this time, the salesman will say: "I know, looking at your thin and tender skin, you don't need cosmetics." There are very few women who are not moved when they hear this, and then the salesman adds another sentence: "If only, the summer sun..." In this way, the housewife will happily pay for it. Some people often hesitate to make judgments.At this time, of course, he hopes that someone will give him advice, and he is eager to know the answer. For example, a customer who stops by a furniture store does not know whether to buy a round table or a buyer's table.If the clerk said to him: "Round table...advantages, square table...advantages." The customer still can't make up his mind after hearing a lot of nonsense.At this time, if you say: "Buy a round table, the round table is more beautiful." The customer will immediately wake up and buy it immediately.This is a clever way for experts to sell things. This simple "judgment method" is easy to convince the other party.Men also use this judgment when persuading women.For example: "No one can convince you except me. I will make you happy." During the interrogation of the suspect, the criminal police repeatedly said: "Anyway, you will tell the truth sooner or later. People who meet me will confess honestly, and you are no exception." The suspect's inner world began to shake after hearing this, and he considered whether to confess.Under the repeated hints of the criminal police, he had no choice but to bow his head and plead guilty. For those who are hesitant, you should tell him with certainty: "There is only one answer, and that is..." to guide his judgment direction. When the two parties disagree on an issue, try to avoid expressing their views positively.Asking more questions can not only cover up one's own position, but also avoid confrontation between the two sides. Generally speaking, the estimation of the value of things is not the same for everyone, so it will also create cracks in interpersonal relationships.In order to avoid this situation, when you realize that the values ​​​​of the two parties are far apart, you should not be too stubborn, so as not to cause unpleasantness to the other party.You can ask the other person questions about why the other person insists on their point of view.In this way, the conflict of views of the two sides is skillfully avoided without giving up one's own principles. Sitting side by side with two people who don't like to talk, the scene will be quite awkward.Especially for people meeting for the first time, is there a magic formula for getting the conversation going?Yes, this is to treat the subconscious behavior of the other party as a topic. If the other party just smokes blindly, and you find that he has a special habit when extinguishing the match, immediately ask him: "Your action of extinguishing the match is very interesting, and it will be extinguished with a light flick." half of sugar, you can also ask: "I'm sorry! Why do you have to put two and a half spoons of sugar?..." Usually in the face of this kind of questioning, the other party will have to speak, and maybe it will arouse the other party's eloquent memories. The same thing, one kind of address is unacceptable to the other party, but the other party may be willing to accept it by another name. A shop specializing in obese women's clothing in the United States, the design of the clothing it sells is exactly the same as the general design, but its business is booming, and it is favored by obese women.The trick is to adopt a method of sales technology that does not hurt the self-esteem of obese women, that is, to change the size of clothing used in general clothing stores, and to change the small size, medium size, large size and extra large size to petite, exquisite, and charming respectively. Names such as female type, bachelorette type, and duchess type make obese women feel more comfortable when purchasing and reduce resistance.In addition, obese women are specially selected as shop assistants to reassure obese people.This tactic of slightly changing the language made an unknown shop quickly become famous. Recently, feminist activists in the United States demanded that "Ms" be used instead of "Miss", "Madame" and "Mrs".It can be seen that language cannot be ignored. To make the other party interested, it is necessary to carefully observe the social atmosphere, the trend of the times, etc. in daily life.People always have the herd mentality of doing what others do.Using this psychology, you can change the attitude of uncoordinated people or people who have no interest in something.For example, the phrase "everyone does it" can make people who don't do it feel uneasy and unconsciously do it.Therefore, when you need everyone to coordinate for something, you don't need to ask for someone's consent, just simply say "everyone does this" and the other party will do what you want. Whoever speaks the language.It is best not to babble over words in a conversation, the language should be accurate, clear, and concise, so as not to make people misunderstood.Once you master these tricks, you will easily open the other person's heart. The same content, due to the different expressions, will give people quite a different feeling.When speaking with strangers or superiors, people are prone to nervousness, so they speak unintelligible language, and the result is often unbearable, making it difficult for the other party to have a sense of trust and intimacy. Especially salesmen, you must absolutely avoid using such terms, because customers want to say "no" and you keep saying specious things at this time, which is more likely to be rejected by the other party.