Chapter 6 Chapter 5 Psychological Manipulation Techniques to Make the Other Party Agree

In order for the person who has just met to express their approval for the content of the conversation, one should first stand in a position that is more favorable than the other side like a new pitcher, and according to the other party's intentions, directly hit their vital points, or play a long line to catch big fish. The mental tactics described in this chapter are like the coach who puts a new pitcher on the pitcher. If you pitch according to his instructions, you will be able to get the opponent out. There was a rather famous military strategist who was a very unsociable person.One summer day, when a neighbor came over to say hello to him and said, "It's really hot today!", he just rubbed the tip of his nose with a piece of wood and replied, "This is what summer is all about." His vigilance makes him appear so clumsy and lacks tact in interpersonal relationships.

The reason why we bring up this example is to emphasize that you should ask the other party a topic that makes him have to answer "yes", which is the first step to get the other party's approval.Suppose the military strategist replied, "Yeah! It's really hot." The defensive posture was completely disintegrated, and the next question was answered according to the trap set by the opponent.Therefore, if you want to break the opponent's solid line of defense and make him agree willingly, it is the best policy to start with the topic that has to make him nod his head.In today's society, there are not many people who don't follow the rules like that famous military strategist. Therefore, it is not difficult to get others to agree and accept your opinion.But remember: if you let the other party build a fortress of "denial" at the beginning, the fortress will become stronger and stronger, and it will be harder than reaching the sky if you want to break it!

There is such an example: when someone is dining in a restaurant, when he suddenly stands up and wants to leave the table, he finds that a man is taking out a wallet and money from his jacket pocket.When he questioned the man, the man argued that the wallet was picked up on the ground.Until the end, the man still did not admit to the theft. If the thief had pleaded guilty, his life might have been in danger. Therefore, his attitude is understandable.However, this man's attitude needs to be studied in "psychology".Because in interpersonal communication, once one's weakness is discovered, most people tend to take a defensive position, and finally fall into the trap of the other party and cannot extricate themselves.Of course, here we are not asking you to deny your faults, but insist on saying "white" as "black".We just want to emphasize: If you make the other party feel inferior in the first meeting, it will make your position unstable. It is better to be confident from the beginning and insist on the principle of equality between you and me in order to win.You must know that politeness is politeness, bowing and bowing from beginning to end will only leave the other party with a humble impression, and if you start on the defensive, you will end up on the defensive in the end. How successful can a complete defensiveness be?

Everyone is more or less proud of their own advantages, and at the same time hopes that others will affirm their advantages.Therefore, if we can make good use of this attitude, we will make others work according to our expectations of him. For example, if you say to a hardworking child, "You are so smart!" He will definitely work harder because of your words.On the contrary, if you say to a child who is not working hard: "You are so stupid!" He is also bound to become more and more lazy because of your words. Since this kind of mentality is easily influenced by other people's words, and has the effect of making people develop their anger and reveal their potential, the law we call "evaluation effect" has the same effect on strangers who meet for the first time. utility.For example, if the other person is a decisive person and he is very proud of it, then you can tell him "you are really a decisive person"!In this way, in order to maintain their self-esteem, the other party must push themselves to achieve that situation.Furthermore, even if the other party is an indecisive person, if you say he is decisive, he will work hard in this direction.

Former British Prime Minister Winston Churchill once said: "If you want someone to have any advantages, just praise him like that!" Its meaning is equivalent to using what we call the utility of evaluation.If used properly, we can also use this mentality to make the most serious criminals confess their crimes. "You don't look like a murderous villain! Besides, people in the neighborhood say you are a filial son. A filial son should not let your parents worry about it. What's more, you have been refusing to confess. It will make your mother sad." In a situation like this, as long as you say that he is a filial son, no matter how cruel the prisoner is, he will demand that his behavior conform to the standard of a filial son because of your words.

It is said that Ali, the former world heavyweight boxing champion, must compose poems to praise himself before the game, and he threatens to defeat his opponent within a few rounds, so some people call it "the braggart". In fact, this is just the psychology adopted by Ali. Just fight.Letting his opponent know his "combat" goals before the game is tantamount to punching first and giving himself the upper hand. In the same way, if you hit a preemptive punch to a stranger you meet for the first time, you can also create a sense of oppression in your mind and make yourself invincible.For example, "Just remember the name"; "Anyway, please give me 5 minutes", etc., are examples of the minimum indicators at the beginning.After the other party hears this kind of words, there will always be a feeling that he must remember the name, or that he must have 5 minutes left, which is conducive to further conversations.

The reason why Ali uses this psychological tactic is nothing more than to anger the opponent or make him upset; while it is applied to people who meet for the first time to make it easy for the other party to accept our words without causing the breakdown of the meeting. The following story must be familiar to everyone.When an actress showed her love to the British writer Barnard, she once said: "The child born from the combination of my appearance and your brain must be wonderful!" Barnard retorted: "No! At the same time have my weakness The child of your body and your mind is the most unfortunate." Barnard's witty answer finally made the thick-skinned actress quit.Now imagine what would have happened if Barnard had simply answered "No" back then?It is not difficult to imagine that the other party must feel that his face has been damaged, so he will be filled with resentment.

We all know that direct rejection will arouse the other party's disgust and make each other unhappy; but if we can express it through witty words or jokes, it will definitely reduce the other party's resistance.In this regard, the "laugh" born of playfulness and wit plays an extremely important role.In other words, this way of talking and laughing not only does not hurt the listener deeply, but also saves the speaker from making enemies. There is an editor who is very good at this. Every time he asks the author for something, he will smile and ask me to agree.For example, "Although you are very famous now, you don't have to write a book for fame, but I still have to ask you for this book!" and so on.Talking and laughing like this will neither make the scene stiff nor be rejected easily.

Although the editor and the author are very close friends, when considering the relationship between the author and the editor, he still has to use a hippie smile to achieve his goal.It can be seen that the effect of laughter is not small!Don't forget this method when you have something in your heart but it's hard to say it. Generally speaking, in order to show the intimacy of both parties, shaking hands has become a formal habit; and once this form is broken, the psychology will be turbulent.Therefore, if we can induce wavering in the other party's psychology, we will be able to restrain his actions.

Especially when one party unexpectedly holds the other party's hand with a strong hand, the held party will have the following thoughts: "Is the other party very confident?" "Is there any special meaning?" In persuasion, it is sometimes necessary to subject the other party to one's own laws. It is said that the extent to which a pair of men and women have communicated can be known only by looking at the distance between them when they are running side by side.Needless to say, if two people are close together and there is almost no distance between them, then they must be a couple who like each other; while couples who are less affectionate will not stick so close.The psychological distance must be reflected in the physical distance between the two parties.But if you approach the other party hastily in order to show intimacy, it will cause the other party's displeasure.Animals have a so-called sphere of influence, and so do humans. When someone breaks into our "sphere of influence", we will feel wary or uneasy.Especially when we first met, in the eyes of the other party, we were the objects he should be on guard against, so his rejection reaction was also very strong.

An experimental report pointed out that if the lobbyist and the listener can keep a distance of one meter, the success rate of persuasion will reach its peak.Keeping such a distance has many advantages, such as: it is beneficial to observe each other, there will be no sense of oppression, and it will be easy for the other party to accept persuasion. An election consultant once used the following two examples to explain the importance of "speaking" in elections, and believed that those who "can" speak are more likely to be elected. "With regard to issues such as rising prices and turmoil in the world economy, I assure you that if I am elected, I will formulate policies based on the root causes of these problems and rationalize the 'circulation institutions'...to find solutions." "Ladies and gentlemen, do you know? Since the cucumbers are picked, the operators put them in boxes and then go to the market wholesale, and then you can buy them; from the producer to the consumer, there has been a transfer. Do you know how many hands?" These two cases both discuss the same question, but because of the different ways of speaking, the responses of the listeners are quite different.Which one is more likely to move people's hearts, you should be very clear.As far as the former is concerned, because the wording is too abstract, it may be understandable if you can read the words, but if you just listen with your ears, it is not easy to understand the meaning of the words, which makes people feel very impatient. But the latter statement is different. He not only avoids abstract expressions, but also uses a small cucumber as an example to explain; in this way, the listener can not only clearly describe its image in his mind, but also understand meaning.Why the topic is not important, what matters is how you say it; the same topic, if it is explained in more specific words, will surely open the hearts of the listeners. If you want the other person to listen to you, use less abstract words! The so-called "unexplained words" refer to the words that the speaker brings along casually when making a statement, which may not have a great relationship with the whole topic, but can be developed into another topic.If you use these "ambiguous" parts to cross-examine each other one by one on the spot, it will certainly interrupt the topic and make it impossible to talk smoothly; but when neither party has anything to say and the scene is very tense, this is the best way to break through the silence. In practice, the effect of this approach is extraordinary.It is said that there are quite a few celebrities who use this method!Everyone is always interested in topics related to himself, and he must be very happy to know that you are listening to him with great attention.In this way, will the atmosphere be bad? In the "Roosevelt Biography" recorded an episode about psychological tactics.Three years after the war between Britain and Nazi Germany, Harry, the aide-de-camp to President Roosevelt of the United States, went to London as a special envoy to meet with the then British Prime Minister Winston Churchill for the first time.Churchill, who was determined to obtain aid from the United States, began to talk about grand theories in order to spy on Harry's intentions: "Speaking of which, the post-war world..." Before he finished speaking, Harry began to "fight back" "Don't talk so much, your priority should be whether you should punish Hitler severely!" When he said this, Churchill seemed to have been hit by a sap, and his momentum suddenly weakened. Generally speaking, the conversation at the first meeting should not be too serious, and it should be started by La Jiachang at the beginning.This kind of topic is relatively loose, and it is easy for the other party to disarm their spirit and give themselves an opportunity to take advantage of it.If we can bring up the topic at the right time, the other party will be shaken when caught off guard, and the situation will be in my hands.When someone is about to talk about theory with you, you just need to turn the topic to a personal problem, and you will definitely be able to demoralize him. It is said that whenever a celebrity in the chess world encountered a question that he could not answer for a while, he would say, "I'm sorry! I'll go and make it easier." Its meaning is naturally to prolong the time of its thinking in order to answer.When the opponent is in a more favorable situation, but you are in a disadvantageous situation, if you want to reverse the situation, only by resorting to "time" can it be effective. Take a ball game as an example, when one side is in a tight situation, the coach will always call a timeout or ask for a player change. The purpose is to use this intermission to ease the opponent's offensive and reverse the disadvantage.For the players, no matter what their original state of mind is, it will be interrupted by the coach calling a timeout. The coach can use this to adjust the mentality of the players at any time. When the two sides are talking, it may be beneficial or detrimental to obtain "interval" time.If we feel that the other party has the upper hand, we can of course run to the bathroom, but if the number of times is too high, it will expose our state of mind and be noticed by the other party, which will be even more detrimental to us.Therefore, we must schedule this "interval" time invisibly, without making our intentions too obvious.For example, if you are in your own company or home, you can borrow tea or juice to achieve your goal; if the location is in the other party's company or home, you can ask friends or colleagues to call in.In conclusion, we should be prepared to take "break" time before the meeting if we think it might be a bit of a hassle. When an editor asked others to write a manuscript, even though he had sensed the refusal tone of the other party on the phone, he still insisted on having a face-to-face interview with the other party.According to him, if you can't speak clearly on the phone, if you speak in person, there are more opportunities to find.In fact, he is really good at convincing others to write for him, even the most stubborn writers. His method is as follows: If the other party refuses to accept the manuscript, he will start to talk with the other party shortly, and show that he is willing to listen to the other party's conversation. When someone started to talk, he would find the right time to pry into the other person's mind: "After hearing what you said, I suddenly thought of such a question... What do you think about this question?" "Suddenly thinking of it" is "deceiving". In fact, this problem has been designed long ago.When the other party put forward his idea again, he said again and again: "Your idea is very unique, please be sure to write a manuscript with this topic!" The result agreed to the convenience.Just because of the sentence "listen to what you said", the other party believed that the "leading power" at that time was his own, so he agreed to accept the manuscript. If the opponent you meet is also the same as the above example and has been reluctant to agree, you can also quote what the other party has said to express your opinion, for example: "As you said before" or "In the sentence you just said If so, the thing is..." Wait, in this way, it will definitely make the other party think that they are important, and thus fall into your "trap". When persuading others, we should make good use of this rule to let the other party accept our opinions unconsciously. There is a comedy in which there is a scene in which the hero expresses his love to the heroine. Woman: "Why are there celibate boys?" Male: "Why?" Female: "It's not that he has a physical defect, or that he earns less money than others... I think it's probably because he's insensitive!" Man: "Sluggish?" Female: "Yes! There are such charming girls who like him, I don't know yet." Man: "Who do you like?" Female: "You!" Man: "Like me? Who is it?" Female: "It's me!" Man: "Actually, I like you very much, too." From the dialogue between the two of them, we can know that the male protagonist does not directly answer the female protagonist's question, but uses rhetorical questions instead of answers. The method in which the hero asks the heroine first to express his love is a kind of inducing questioning method.In this way, we can elicit the truth from the other party and strengthen our own position. Generally speaking, when people ask a question, they always expect to get some kind of answer; if we deliberately ask him a few words to make his expectation fail, it will definitely shock his mind. When you're selling yourself to a stranger you're meeting for the first time, what's going to make or break it?One answer is that you must have a passionate heart.Of course, people without enthusiasm cannot work hard; but this is not limited to the situation of first meeting, even friends who have been with each other for a long time will have the same performance when encountering special situations.For example, when there are fat positions in the company, people usually act extra vigorously in order to compete.Such "enthusiasm" should be an approach taken after weighing one's own gains and losses! When the two met for the first time, they didn't know much about each other. In such a shallow friendship, of course, everyone would not indulge themselves too much.The result of self-control is to respect the other party and satisfy the other party's self-esteem. The statement "please let me do it" feels reckless, reckless, and a bit overbearing; while the statement "please give me a chance" is more modest, implying that the other party still has many applicants, and I am just one of them One, so it is better to take care of its self-esteem.