Chapter 5 Chapter 4: Quickly Master the Psychology of the Other Party's Psychological Manipulation

In order to achieve the purpose of meeting for the first time, the first step must be to understand the psychological state of the other party.Only by understanding the other party's mind can we "prescribe the right medicine" and speak to the other party's heart.Otherwise, it will not only fail to convince others, but even make people puzzled, or cause misunderstanding due to misinterpretation.In this way, wouldn't the previous preparatory work be wasted? Observing others can be divided into two types according to the actual state.One is to observe the innate personality and upbringing of others; the other is to observe the different psychological reactions of others due to differences in time and place.Of course, the two are also interrelated.To put it simply, it is to observe whether the other party has drastic psychological changes due to different time and place?Is it an emotional character?If the other party is a fickle person, you must always pay attention to the fluctuation of his thoughts; if the other party is a stable person, you usually get along with him based on the first impression, and there will be no mistakes.

It should be noted that people are extremely susceptible to the influence of the environment.In the peculiar environment of meeting for the first time, a special state of mind that cannot normally occur may occur. There is an ancient saying: "Know yourself and know your enemy, and you will be victorious in every battle." Only after understanding the mentality of the opponent can we adopt the correct strategy and attack beautifully! Those who do not want others to discover their true intentions, are not confident in their own opinions, or do not want to express their attitudes, often flash their words or talk about them in conversation, making people unpredictable.When answering sensitive questions, many critics and scholars often move out another set of theories that are completely different from the previous conclusions immediately after stating their conclusions, and add: "However, this question may also have... this situation."

We call this a "safety conclusion." Some people often use ambiguous answers, which is a typical example. In order to justify themselves in the future, they often put forward two-sided answers.For example: "The urgency of this problem requires careful and deliberate consideration, and the response must be quickly revisited." Others were confused: Is it necessary to come up with a solution quickly?Or do we need people to study slowly?Both sides seem to make sense. If you encounter a person who speaks unclearly and he avoids making a clear conclusion, in order to confirm whether he is a person who hesitates, you can use his spontaneous two-sided theory to identify it.Immediately after he puts forward a unilateral conclusion, ask him what he thinks of the other side's theory.

Of course, some people may think that there is no absolute truth in the world. "Haste makes waste" is the truth, and "strike while the iron is hot" is also the truth. People often have two sides to things, so they should make decisions according to the situation.If you are a person with a vague consciousness, once you are refuted by someone who puts forward a contrary opinion, you will immediately doubt your argument; but a person with a strong will will not be so easily swayed by others. As the saying goes: "Listen to one and know ten." Maybe there are people in the world who have quick thinking, and when they hear one truth, they can reflect the other nine truths at the same time!

It's a pity that most people in the world are those who hear and know, and few people are quick-responsive. If when you meet someone, the other party shows an attitude of knowing what you know, you will definitely be wary.This intuitive vigilance is taken for granted from a psychological point of view.Because the other party doesn't know your personality and emotions, but they seem to know everything, which means that they don't want to listen to your conversation, although the other party directly expresses it because of etiquette or bad sympathy.If the other party nods frequently to express understanding after speaking, you should not keep silent, but insist on finishing your words so that the other party "understands better".

Those who serve as guards at the entrances of companies and factories are generally not very friendly to others.Although not all guards are like this, there are quite a few whose arrogant and rude attitude makes visitors angry. Although the rude attitude of the guards is annoying, if we understand their duties and hard work, we may be able to forgive them.When a person has anxiety and weakness in his heart and does not want to be known by the other party, he subconsciously and unconsciously adopts a high-pressure attitude.The duty of the guards is to screen suspicious visitors. They are unavoidably wary of unidentified visitors who meet for the first time, so their attitude is not polite.If you are familiar with them, they will definitely put away their indifferent faces and greet you with smiles.

Usually, both parties should be polite to each other. If the other party's attitude is extremely cold and rude, it just shows that he has hidden anxiety in his heart. In order to cover up his weakness, he adopts this disruptive tactic.Everyone, don't be intimidated by the other party's mask. It is the best policy to respond calmly at this time. Someone was stopped by the police for parking illegally, and the traffic policeman chatted with him with a smile on his face.Because of the amiable attitude of the policeman, he also talked with them frankly, thinking to himself, maybe he can escape the fate of being issued a ticket?

The traffic police seemed to understand his fluke, and immediately issued a ticket, which disappointed him greatly.When he returned home to read the evening paper that night, he saw that in a crime case that occurred that day, the means of transportation used by the criminals was actually the same type as his own car. After reading the news, he suddenly realized that he was suspected of being a gangster without knowing it, and he even felt that the amiable attitude of the police was quite commendable. It can be seen that the psychological tactics used by the police are becoming more and more sophisticated.Because the right to privacy cannot be violated by others, even security personnel do not have this privilege, so they are forced to use illegal parking as an excuse to detect the flaws of suspicious persons.

Generally speaking, everyone has a self-field that cannot be invaded by strangers.However, when talking with people intimately, this forbidden area of ​​the mind is opened unconsciously.It should be noted that those who know how to use deep psychological techniques to spy on the other party's personal secrets may hide in their hearts the desire to find out the other party's handle and dominate the other party. When meeting someone for the first time, the other party treats you unexpectedly kindly, and when you ask about personal privacy without shyness, you must remind yourself not to fall into the trap of the other party.Otherwise, after the other party discovers your secret, they will attack you immediately, and it will be too late to regret.

Since the first meeting, he has been expressionless, which is hard to understand and difficult to deal with.At least out of the most basic politeness, you should also smile and greet people kindly when you meet each other for the first time.However, some people have no expression from the beginning to the end, giving people a feeling that they cannot be approached.This kind of person is unresponsive no matter what he hears, and his emotions are completely invisible.You can't tell what they're interested in, and it's not clear if they're bored by what you're saying, and what's on their minds doesn't show positively at all.

However, you don't have to worry about them and keep them away because of their incomprehensible attitude.Because their expressionless expression is the expression of their inner silence.When human beings' strong desires cannot be satisfied, or their hearts are full of hostility and emotions that they don't want to be known, and they dare not express them directly but suppress them, they will become so expressionless.Therefore, being expressionless does not mean that there is nothing in the heart, but that the waves are undercurrents and dare not show it.Beneath their expressionless faces, there are hidden things that no one knows. For those who are eloquent and generous when they first meet, there is no need to explore the other party's psychology in many ways, because the other party's eloquent conversation has provided a wealth of information, enough to judge him.However, this kind of talkative object does not reveal everything to others without hiding everything, they still have secrets that they don't want to reveal in front of others. For example, on a blind date occasion, the man suddenly became talkative during the conversation between the man and the woman.People are very puzzled by this, carefully thinking about the ins and outs, and found that when the two talked about the man's salary, the man suddenly became talkative.However, the man does not want to talk about his meager income.Sure enough, he took up the topic and talked for a long time, but in the end he still didn't say how much his salary was. It can be seen from this that when people become talkative, they don't just want to express themselves. The opposite is true when you want to interrupt or end a topic.So when the other party suddenly talks a lot, think carefully about whether they have mentioned issues that they don't want to touch?Talking a lot doesn't mean being eloquent, it's just hiding your smoke. According to the staff of an insurance company, nine out of ten customers who listen to us kindly will not buy insurance.Although they said that they would reply after thinking about it for two or three days, in fact they called immediately the next day to express their unwillingness to insure.Usually, if the customer is kind and polite, it should be considered that the persuasion will probably succeed. However, why do the staff have a premonition that nine out of ten it will not be successful? Unless the customer has bad intentions, such as defrauding insurance money, it is another matter; otherwise, when the staff visits, they will probably not welcome them with a smile on their faces.So, if the other person is so unexpectedly kind, you should realize whether there is something hidden in his heart?Is the other person feeling uneasy about their physical health?Or the other party's family is at odds, thinking that even if something happens, you don't want to leave a dime to your loved ones?In short, the unreasonable intimacy does not mean that he resonates with the insurance officer, but that he has hidden a secret in his heart. In fact, when people are asked the reason for their uneasiness, most of them do not admit their uneasiness, but pretend to be the opposite.This kind of mentality is called "reactionary formation" in psychology, which is a kind of defense mechanism.The most common situation is that the stepparents are particularly doting on the stepson who hates them in their hearts; the wife whose husband has an affair is more attentive to her husband. They adopt this abnormal attitude because they want to escape the uneasy psychology of reality, not admitting that they hate their stepson and not believing that their husband is having an affair.The above-mentioned customers, under their smiling faces, may be filled with uneasiness and hatred in their hearts. Facing the extremely cordial attitude of the other party, if you think that you have successfully communicated and are complacent, it is a big mistake.When the other party is overly friendly, it is necessary to wonder whether the other party is doing this to cover up their inner anxiety?At this time, you should change the subject as if nothing had happened to pry out the other party's true meaning. At a wedding banquet, a guest held a microphone in one hand and put the other in his trouser pocket, and began to speak with a nervous look.During the banquet, an old man saw this scene and loudly condemned the person who was speaking, saying that young people nowadays do not know a little etiquette.The old man's words are understandable. He thinks it is impolite to put one hand in his pocket to give a speech in front of many guests.But we find it difficult to agree with this criticism.Obviously, he unconsciously put his hand in his trouser pocket because of nervousness. No matter who, in order to release the inner tension, the first thing to do is to release the physical tension.They put their hands in their trouser pockets, but they want to increase intimacy with themselves and relieve tension by touching easily accessible parts of their bodies.It is not the best policy to blame the person you are meeting for the first time, even if he violates etiquette.Accepting the other party's signals and easing their tension is a prerequisite for eliciting the other party's true words. At the professional baseball selection meeting, Kida, a pitcher of the Hamm team in Japan, caused controversy because he asked for a piece of land of hundreds of acres in addition to a huge contract fee in the conditions for joining the team.Professional baseball fans and the mass media have accused the pitcher Kida of asking too much, but we can explain it as the reason why pitcher Kida's ingenious "check the ball" is to put forward the conditions that he hopes the opponent will accept. , and then observe how the other party responds to this condition, which is the most straightforward and fastest way to find out the other party's heart.Whether one's own requirements can be met by the other party can be measured by the other party's feedback on one's own requirements.According to this explanation, pitcher Kida asked for the land because he wanted to know whether the team really wanted him to be on the team and to what extent he would evaluate him.If not, he would not have readily withdrawn his request after being criticized by the mass media.When you don't know the true meaning of the other party when you first meet, it is also a way to throw a diversion ball like Kida. In the interview for the purpose of understanding the other person's character and thoughts, in order to grasp the correct image within a limited time, there are various methods that can be used, one of which is called "oppression interview".This is a method of asking the interviewer unpleasant questions one by one, or forcing him to make a choice by placing him in isolation. the way it responds. If you want to know whether the words of the person you met for the first time really mean it, or how much he cares about the topic at that time, you can use the pressure interview method to deliberately disagree with the other party.However, no matter how you explore the other party's true meaning, if it arouses the other party's anger, it may cause negative effects.If it is okay to break off the relationship with the other party, or if you are confident that you can calm the other party's anger and restore a good interpersonal relationship, it is another matter. If this is not the case, you must handle it carefully. Therefore, I would like to remind you that it is best to use a third party to raise objections, so as to avoid arousing the other party's resentment when raising your own objections.And the way the other person reacts becomes a clue to recognize their opinions and even their humanity. No matter what kind of first meeting it is, the time will be limited due to the working relationship. Once the conversation leaves the topic, the things that should be done will be ignored.An impatient person is impatient and tries to bring the conversation back to the topic whenever the other person leaves the topic.However, if you want to read the other person's heart and draw conclusions that are more beneficial to you, this approach is not very smart. There are roughly three situations in which the other party diverts the topic: one is diverging because of complete inattention, the other is diverging because of sudden unexpected associations, and the third is deliberately diverting the topic elsewhere.These situations indicate that the speaker's interest and energy have turned to divergent topics.Therefore, don't cut off the other party's conversation in the middle, let him continue for a while.If it is the first kind of situation, the other party will also feel what is the main question soon.In the second case, because I have not forgotten the question, I can understand the connection between Lenovo and the question.And if you still can't return to this question at all after a period of time, it can be judged as the third situation. In this way, it can be understood that such "digression conversations" can be an excellent opportunity to realize the other party's true heart. In professional boxing, because it is limited to contests between players who are not far apart in strength, it is rare to be knocked down after two or three rounds and unable to get up.In the first half, in order to test the opponent's strength, tactics, etc., it is common practice to punch each other.And the conversation of the first meeting without knowing the other party's personality, feelings, etc., is the same as this boxing match, which requires hard punching. Small talk that is completely out of purpose is like this punch, providing clues to see the other person.If the other party joins the chat, it can be regarded as acceptance of your own performance. Even if the conversation enters a formal topic, I believe that you will not receive a sudden and strong punch.Assuming that the other party does not participate in the chat, then the other party should respond to the topics raised by one's own side.Depending on its reaction, one's own side can decide whether to advance or retreat, or try to add a little impact, etc., to find an appropriate tactic. People often enter this question when they have not yet understood the other party's original intention.Although this kind of tactics is also effective at times, most of the endings are to eat a few punches from the opponent and end the game within two or three rounds.It is wise to see the opponent's heart clearly and design psychological tactics according to the opponent's difference. In the salesman's textbook, there must be words such as "pay attention to the expression changes of the sales object in the dialogue".Always pay attention to the target's psychology and surrounding conditions, and be able to make conversations according to circumstances, which is an essential ability for a salesman.It is true that people do not always express their state of mind in words.Especially when people have feelings that they don't want to express or are trapped by emotions that they don't know how to express, people will send messages from subtle changes in expression. Sometimes people hope that the other party can understand the emotions they don't want to express, and sometimes they will unconsciously show their concerns on their expressions. In any case, continuing to talk regardless of the other person's psychology will only produce negative results.When you see the other person's expression is dim or showing a worried look, you must first stop your conversation. If the expression still does not disappear, you should go further and ask him frankly if he has anything to worry about.This can prompt the other party to express their worries and worries, and thus it should be possible to understand the other party's heart on a deeper level. When serving as the moderator of a panel, it is sometimes necessary to ask the attendees to say things they would rather not say.In this case, do not directly ask the other party for their opinions or ideas. The most commonly used method is to ask a third party for their opinions. For example, ask an older person, "What do you think of young people today?" The answer was vague: "Very good, very motivated!" However, if you ask "what do people of your generation think?", you will immediately hear a lot of criticism of young people.In this kind of occasion, it is formally speaking through the mouth of a third party, but in fact their opinions are their own thoughts or true words. This method of expressing opinions through a third party without directly asking the other party is also a technique in psychological counseling.In psychological counseling, in order to explore the true thoughts deep in the other party's heart, you can use this method to make the other party start talking about topics that have nothing to do with you, and gradually talk in a relaxed atmosphere. In department stores, it is often seen that customers are not satisfied with the products they have bought and return them.At this point, a seasoned clerk will ask "Do you have any complaints about this item?" even when the customer has not voiced their complaint? Regardless of the reason, customers who come to return an item do feel some sort of dissatisfaction with their item, and dissatisfaction with the item leads to dissatisfaction with the store. In order to eliminate his dissatisfaction and maintain his good impression of the store, it is best to make the other party spit out his dissatisfaction.This point, seasoned clerk is experienced. In order to be able to give appropriate advice to the other party, the first and most important thing is to understand the other party's true thoughts accurately and quickly.When listening to the other party's conversation, if you find a sentence is very important, you must immediately ask that sentence repeatedly, then the other party's true meaning will be clearly revealed. For example, a wife came to see a psychiatrist. She suspected that her husband who said he was late because of work was actually out for sex. If this was the case, she really didn't know how to deal with it.After citing various examples of her husband's suspicion of having an affair, she said, "Only my husband is allowed, and I am absolutely not allowed..." The psychiatrist immediately asked her back: "You said 'only the husband', what does that mean?" She replied: "Everyone thinks that having an affair is a man's ability, but that was the idea before! To do that kind of thing without telling me is an act of betrayal..." At this time, the doctor asked further: "You said that was the idea before, so now do you think women can have affairs?" She replied: "No. It's not that having an affair is good or bad, but that he lied to me and I can't stand it..." The doctor almost retorted: "So if he does it openly without lying, can you allow it? Then in your opinion, as long as both parties know each other, they can flirt and flirt together? That is to say, Since your husband is like this, then you also want to have an affair, don't you?..." So she had to reluctantly admit it."Only the husband..." that appeared in the original conversation This sentence evoked the deep desire in her heart that she expressed in the words as if nothing had happened.We don't know what advice the doctor later gave her, but the technique works well for first-timers, too. When the other person doesn't show up by the agreed time, most people get upset and smoke more than usual.At this time, you should try your best to suppress your emotional agitation, and pay attention to greet the person you meet for the first time with a calm attitude. "Waiting" may be a psychological tactic used by the opponent against itself.Therefore, if you show agitation, you don't have to fight to win or lose. Anyway, I have to wait no matter what, so I took this waiting time as an opportunity to get to know each other, so I stared around with wide eyes. If the place where you are waiting to meet is the other party's company or family, then a picture hanging on the wall can provide you with clues to understand the other party's personality, feelings, etc.Not just drawing, but what objects to place in the reception room, how to place them, etc., based on these observations, you can imagine the situation of the other party.This is because the "things" used by the other party will reflect the owner's personality or feelings to some extent. Moreover, "things" also have a lubricating function to make the conversation between oneself and the other party go smoothly.In this way, it is natural to suppress the irritability in the heart and greet the other party calmly. Everyone has experienced the embarrassing situation of not even smiling when telling some jokes to ease the tension between meeting someone for the first time!Others don't care what other people are saying and just say what they want to say.To deal with this kind of person, general psychological tactics cannot be used, and once you fall into the opponent's trap, you will unexpectedly find that he is very difficult to deal with.Some even get stuck like "Is it rude to say that?" In the mentality of "I can't predict what attitude I want to adopt", I can't say what I originally wanted to say. In order to avoid such a crisis when meeting someone for the first time, it is recommended that you estimate the other person's "empathy ability" at the first moment of meeting. The so-called empathy ability in psychology refers to the ability to feel the inner world of others, but this In short, it means whether the other party can understand what you are saying. People's abilities will be different due to their different personalities, experiences, upbringing, and occupations. When distinguishing this ability, you only need to talk about some jokes or some social issues to understand.Pay special attention to subjects who don't respond at all or who respond too enthusiastically, so there will be no problem.