Chapter 4 Chapter 3 Psychological Manipulation to Open the Other's Heart

In this chapter, we will introduce to you the self-thought preparation and psychological skills to open the heart of the other party. Understanding and respecting each other are the basic conditions for forming harmonious interpersonal relationships. However, if the other party does not feel your heart, it will be in vain.This chapter will also introduce several psychological techniques, telling you how to ignore each other's inner embarrassment when you first meet, and convey your care and respect to each other in a very natural form.As long as you take a little effort to care for the other party, once the other party's heart is opened, more than half of your goal will be achieved.

When you want the other party to offer his opinion, it is very important to keep him in a good mood.If you don't believe it, we can look at how the presenters who are active on TV or radio stations interview guests.We all know that most hosts have good eloquence, but you may not have noticed that they also have a set of psychological tactics, which can keep the guests in a happy mood and accept interviews. A TV host who is good at this kind of psychological tactics can make his words wonderful and admirable. I believe that as long as he is not a weird person, he will not be unhappy with such a "confidant" friend.

To promote a friendly relationship with each other, we must show affection to each other, and take the initiative to understand each other's distress and desires first.The effect of doing this is called "empathy" or "empathy" in psychology. What you need to remember is that you must first express "empathy" to the other party before the other party expresses "empathy" to you. Skills, to make a "sympathetic" gesture.Once this kind of posture is simulated for a long time, it will really produce mutual "sympathy". At a family banquet, a gentleman met his friend's wife, and because he couldn't find a suitable topic for a while, he casually praised: "What a beautiful necklace pendant!"

In fact, he is not very good at women's accessories, but unexpectedly he hit the right one.It turned out that the necklace pendant worn by this lady was a precious French pendant, which was her favorite collection.The lady was so happy that she regarded this gentleman as a bosom friend, and chatted with him all over the world, starting from the necklace pendant. Of course, this event was a fluke success.The gentleman inadvertently chose the most appropriate compliment.You know, praising people is not an easy task.Appropriate or not, just like water can carry a boat, it can capsize it. Appropriate compliments are just like lubricants for interpersonal relationships; but nasty compliments make people feel that you have bad intentions and contempt for you.

So how do you properly compliment others?Don't praise the other party's character and character, but use his past performance, behavior or things as the subject of appreciation.When we say to someone, "You are such a nice person", even if you are complimenting from the heart, the other person is likely to think, "We just met for the first time, how do you know how I am?" So in a semi-suspicious state of mind, I became wary of you. However, when you praise the other person's past performance or behavior, the situation will be greatly improved.The reason is that praising these fait accompli facts has nothing to do with the depth of friendship, and the other party is easy to accept.What's more, it is not a direct compliment to the other party, but something related to him, which is an indirect compliment, which is very useful when you first meet.

Clothing or accessories such as shoes, hats, purses, pins, etc. are good subjects for compliments if the target is a woman. Think carefully about the benefits of indirect compliments, don't go to the first date without knowing what to do, or take the time to prepare the compliments of "indirect compliments" in advance!A few minutes of preparation in advance will help you open up the other person's heart, so why not do it? There was a gentleman who looked very much like a certain TV actor. Once he went to a bar, the waitresses said in unison that his appearance and temperament were exactly like a certain TV star.Usually, one shouldn't be offended by being thought of as a celebrity, but this gentleman was not.

He didn't appreciate the service lady's half-serious, half-complimentary tone, and just took it as a joke.In this situation, in the eyes of others, they will definitely think that these service girls are really not good at complimenting others.It turned out that this person was a slightly fat person who was tabooed to be called fat, and the certain actor that the waitresses said was a heavyweight.To say that he is like this actor is not a compliment, but an irony.It can be seen that it is not easy to praise others.Before praising others, you must first understand what he is proud of, so that you can get twice the result with half the effort.It is best not to praise others lightly until you have determined what the other person likes and dislikes.

The second key to complimenting the other party is, when your compliment is successfully accepted by the other party, please praise the other party again and again in different ways for this point.The first time you compliment, the other person may think that you are talking casually; after several compliments, he will believe that you really compliment him.Complimenting the other party may open the other party's heart, or it may close it more tightly.How to praise others properly depends on your morality! Criticizing others is a violation of etiquette.Compliments are always flattering, especially when meeting someone for the first time.However, on some occasions, it is more harmonious to criticize the other party than to praise the other party.

A well-known radio presenter uses this method frequently on his show.He once quipped to a great chef who had been in the restaurant industry for many years: "Is your food really good?" After hearing such an abrupt question, you may think that this famous chef will be unhappy?Unexpectedly, he laughed loudly, and the atmosphere instantly became heated. Some people may think that the host naturally likes to sarcasm others.actually not.He doesn't do this to any guest on the show, it depends on the person.Most of the people who are joked about are veterans who have served in all walks of life for decades. They have absolute confidence in themselves and don't care about other people's ridicule.And I am used to hearing praise, once I hear someone criticize him, I will be impressed by this person.It should be noted that this kind of praise and criticism tactics is not suitable for anyone. If you are not a seasoned and generous person, you should not use it, so as not to embarrass or even anger the other party.

Inappropriate compliments on the opposite sex can easily lead to misunderstanding.The pretentious compliments at the first meeting hindered the bridge of communication with each other in the future. Subtle compliments are a great way to compliment someone of the opposite sex when you first meet. The implicit way of expression can let the other party guess that what you praise is exactly his strengths.The "projection" mechanism used in the famous Rhoshaha test (which asks subjects to interpret figures drawn by water dots to judge their personality and mental state) is quite effective.For example, when you praise someone: "Your eyes are so beautiful", it is fine if he himself thinks he has beautiful eyes; if not, the other party may think you are talking nonsense.Therefore, you might as well praise the other party in a subtle "projection" tone: "You are really a woman (male) person!"

Mr. Wada Makoto, a famous painter, has such a compliment in his book "The Fun Begins": "You are like a handkerchief that has been ironed!" I believe that anyone who hears this sentence will be in a daze: "What is this person praising me for?" So I searched for my own strengths in my mind, and tried my best to find the one that best fits this compliment, thinking that the other party is probably praising me for this!In addition, "metaphorical" compliments work better than explicit ones.When you think someone looks like a certain star, you can say to him: "You look alike to the protagonist in a certain movie!" As we mentioned in the previous chapter, information about interviewers obtained from others can be very helpful.However, if you speak rashly and directly put what you heard elsewhere in front of the other party, it may be counterproductive.Because these words may be the street talk that he is very tired of, and after you mention them, the other party will inevitably classify you as the same type of person as those people. Remember that what you hear from others may be very novel information to you, but to the person concerned it is just a trite comment. So even if you get fantastic first-hand information, take it to heart for now.On the surface, you must deliberately ignore these comments and praise him for other virtues that have nothing to do with these comments.Yukio Mishima mentioned in the article "Lectures on Immoral Education" that there was a general who was not as excited when others praised his brilliant combat skills as he was when he praised his beautiful beard. The general had probably heard many praises of his meritorious deeds before, and such praises were just icing on the cake, like a worthless addition to his life's honor book.If we can find other novel topics to praise him, it will undoubtedly help him to record a fresh subject and let him taste the satisfaction of self-enlargement. When you want to comment on the other party, you must also remember not to repeat the old words that others have criticized, otherwise, you may offend the other party.You might as well hide the comments you heard before deep in your heart, and start from other perspectives at the same time, let the other party slowly fall into the urn. When talking, you should pay attention to avoid questioning dialogues where you ask me to answer, and let the other party have the opportunity to express their opinions.Talking about co-experiences or similar experiences with people you meet for the first time can build bridges of communication.Some people may ask: "I don't know the past and present of the other party, how can I use the shared experience as a topic?" In fact, as long as you know the skills of conversation, these are not difficult to do. In symposiums about baseball, it is common to hear interviewers ask, "Which team are you from?" "When did you become interested in baseball?" "Why are you interested in baseball?" The players had to answer these same questions in every possible way.In any case, this question-and-answer method does not allow the two parties to share each other's common experience.Now, let's also talk about baseball, let's try another question!For example, try to ask the other party to talk about their views on the game and the prospects of baseball at home and abroad.In short, talk about topics that both parties are interested in and can express their opinions, in order to achieve the effect of a common experience or similar experience.After sharing opinions and communicating with each other, the hearts of both parties will also be drawn closer, and a harmonious atmosphere will naturally be created. In order to improve the joyful atmosphere when meeting and nourish the friendship between each other, the common law of ancient and modern China and foreign countries is to tell jokes.Bruce Patton once said: "People, once immersed in something interesting together, are closer to each other." However, to be able to tell a funny joke happily when we first meet, it is impossible for ordinary people with considerable self-cultivation.If you are usually not good at words, in order to increase the fun when you first meet, you tell a joke that is not very funny, but it will make everyone feel embarrassed. In order to conform to the rules mentioned earlier, the best tactic is to let the jokes told by the other party entertain yourself!Laughing loudly not only creates a harmonious atmosphere in the audience, but also relieves tension.Once the mood is relaxed, maybe you can return a joke on a whim, making the conversation more lively and energetic! According to a reporter from an economic magazine, when many journalists write about scandals in the corporate world, the style they adopt depends on whether the company responds well to the journalists' interviews.In fact, the reporters had already obtained most of the information in advance, and when they put it into words, whether they wrote it in a biased or offensive tone depended entirely on their relationship with the person in charge of the company.Therefore, when a smart company leader is interviewed by a reporter, he does not state his views at the beginning.They will first greet each other's hard work in the interview and declare that they will try their best to cooperate. For any meeting on any occasion, the two parties come more or less with certain purposes.Talk about yourself eagerly as soon as you meet, and ignore the position and existence of others, and the other party will quickly build a wall in their hearts and exclude you from the wall.Once the other party is so clear-cut, no matter how flattering you are in the future, the other party will just regard it as your trick to deceive, and thus alienate you even more.So, please remember, when you first meet, don't say "I..." Instead, start with "You..." That is, talking about the other party's affairs can open the other party's heart. Humans are social animals and cannot live alone.Generally speaking, we belong to groups such as family, workplace, and social organizations, and we often have different appearances because of our status in each group and the position we hold.A good father at home; a no-nonsense leader in the company... Which character is the real self?Each character is his own true face!If you want to get acquainted with each other quickly when interacting with others, it is recommended that you put aside the group consciousness and regard this meeting as a simple interaction between individuals and each other.In this way, at the end of the conversation, the other party will not say "you need to discuss with your wife before making a decision" or "you must first ask our director for instructions on this matter..." Waiting for flashy words to prevaricate and evade.However, when going to bars and other occasions, there are still many people who like to show people their titles, hoping that others will call them by their titles.If you come across such a face-saving person, call him by his title!In short, it is right to scratch the other person's itching. The phrase "audience first" is often regarded as a motto to warn oneself in the literary and art circles.If an artist does not know how to respect the audience, no matter how proficient his skills are, he will not be loved by the audience and shine.The once smashing magician Havard Susten has a famous saying: "I love my audience from the bottom of my heart!" This sentence really contains a deep psychological skill worthy of our study.Havard Suston is loved by audiences for this psychological skill that is ahead of other magicians who are above him. Maybe Hawad Saston himself and the audience don't know why Saston is so popular?This is because, in the subconscious, Suston kept telling himself a belief: "I love the audience!" Therefore, with every gesture of hand and every throw of foot, there is a natural expression of respect and love, and the audience has developed a good impression of him unconsciously. Some people may be skeptical about the subtle psychological effects mentioned above, but in fact, this is a common phenomenon in the field of psychology.For example, the teacher thinks that one of his students is very good. This student who was not very good at first not only improved in grades, but also caught up in other aspects.In Greek mythology, the king of Cyprus who loves sculpture, Pigu Maliwan, believes that the statue he completed is like a beautiful girl, and he can’t help falling in love with "her" in every possible way, and finally saw the statue become a living The beautiful woman came out to meet him.This psychological effect, which we call the "Piguma Liwan Effect", can be fully applied to interpersonal skills. For example, when you meet a depressed person for the first time, repeatedly meditate in your heart: "He is a good person!" This kind of feeling will also infect the other party unconsciously, making it open-minded.On the contrary, when we think: "What a nasty guy", the originally non-hostile person really becomes a nasty person as we thought, and he will become hostile to us. CR Rogers, the founder of non-indicative therapy, once said: "Go to the other party with 'unconditional goodwill'! The other party will definitely open up and have good feelings for you." Some male stars seem to be especially loved by female audiences. This phenomenon is not a new trend, because the secret to please female audiences since ancient times is to not hide their shortcomings in front of them, so that they can feel at ease. In addition to good looks and acting skills, these actors are also good at using their inherent shortcomings to win the favor of women.Although the handsome boy is the object of female worship and obsession, he is not as friendly as the clown.The reason is that young students often realize that their image cannot be damaged, so although they are both big stars, they are not loved by everyone. In the face of a first-time meeter who is cautious in words and deeds, you might as well deliberately reveal your shortcomings to relax the other party's vigilance.The purpose of this strategy is to break your perfect image in the other person's mind and give him a sense of security.Just like those actors who don't have star airs, because they broke the unattainable star image in the past, they can become the characters that everyone talks about after dinner. The most frustrating thing about accepting an invitation to perform or speak at a TV company or radio station is not knowing the important time, place, and performance fee. Some people may think that this is a matter of money.actually not.If you entrust someone with something, if you don't explain the details, how can you ask the other party to accept the invitation? If you are an acquaintance, dare to take the initiative to ask the other party for details such as "when" and "where"; make it difficult to answer. This kind of ominous invitation really makes people agree to it, and if they don't agree, they can't explain the reason for the rejection, which makes the invitee secretly complain. If the details of the invitation can be explained, the invitees can maintain a good relationship with each other even if the time is inconvenient or they cannot agree for other reasons. However, if you invite the other party with an unknown attitude, the first contact will cause the other party's inner unhappiness, and I am afraid that your communication will be limited to this time. Orientals have a strong sense of patriotism and love for the school.Of course, this kind of emotion is not unique to oriental people, but it is most obvious among oriental people.For example, alumni associations, which are not very popular in European and American societies, are groups formed by people from the same school, but tacitly spread throughout government agencies or business circles.Even in the Chinese community in New York, on the other side of the world, there are associations established.The old immigrants of decades ago and the new immigrants in recent years, transcending age and thought, gathered together and combined into an intimate group to understand and adapt to life abroad. In view of the focus of everyone's concern - hometown and alma mater, many communicators should at least find out these two points when collecting other people's information before meeting people, so that they can praise each other's hometown and alma mater to get a good impression. .If the two happen to be from the same town or graduated from the same school, the relationship between them can also be drawn closer.However, if there is no relationship such as fellow countrymen or the same school, these two points can also be used as topics to arouse the interest of the other party. Probably many movie fans still remember the famous American director Alfred Hitchcock's work called "The Strange Passenger"!The film describes the plot of two men who meet by chance on the train and agree on a murder plan. The film has a superb interpretation of human psychology, which is impressive. The man in the film is forced by circumstances to kill someone, but he must find an assistant to assist him.He got on the train and after seeing the passenger next to him, he changed his mind and decided to invite him to join the murder plan.So he thought about how to let the other party step into his trap.The man first opened his mouth to greet the other party, and added provocative words to his words, arousing the other party's interest in killing. The unknowing neighbor passenger fell into the trap set by the man using psychological tactics without knowing it. He confessed that he also wanted to kill someone, so he agreed with the man to voluntarily join the murder plan.The reason why Jun was able to make the passengers he met for the first time to do such an incredible and amazing move was entirely due to the beautiful foreshadowing laid in the initial greetings. Generally speaking, greetings are just regarded as a kind of politeness, but we don't know that we can establish a good communication channel with each other in the greetings.For example, on cold winter nights, we often say to each other, "It's so cold!" Even if the greetings are over, and then say something that won't offend people and is innocuous.If we can seize the opportunity to exchange pleasantries, we can say to each other: "It's so cold tonight! I, who grew up in the north, can't help but think of my hometown." If the other party is also from the north, he will definitely resonate with him and discuss topics with you; if the other party grew up in the south, he will also introduce himself to his hometown during the greeting.This way, the conversation can continue smoothly. However, after all, exchanging greetings is a kind of etiquette. It is unavoidable to make people feel unnatural and unacceptable to obviously add personal topics in greetings.Therefore, it is more appropriate to adopt Hitchcock's psychological tactics. When interacting with people, people often pretend to be mysterious and say: "I only tell you about this matter!" Their topics are nothing more than gossip among colleagues in the company, or things that the listeners may already know, which are really not secrets.However, the listener did not have any expectations about these topics in advance, and cherished the information passed on to him by these people, so he still pretended to be listening with anticipation. After all, they "speak only to you" in order to make each other understand that they trust him, hoping to deepen their close relationship by having common secrets.I don't know if the speakers themselves know it, but their way of expression can bring them closer to the first-timers. Everyone has the desire to share their secrets with others, but they don't tell anyone casually.Therefore, once people are selected as the object of confidance, most of them will not feel disgusted. Instead, they will feel that the relationship with the other party is extraordinary, as if they have been put on a high hat, so they feel very honored. Various questionnaires are often seen in daily life.The survey requires the cooperation of the interviewees and the honesty and honesty of the respondents in order to gain credibility.However, it is undeniable that many people refused to accept interviews, or answered indiscriminately.How to make a questionnaire that people are willing to answer?There are many techniques, and the common method is to start with facts and personal experience, and gradually move into issues that require thinking and the other party's opinions. Because, if respondents were suddenly asked, "What do you think about co-education?" Most people cannot answer fluently.Not everyone is able to speak eloquently in front of strangers about such issues that touch the core of self, such as gender, tax assets, and so on.Therefore, the topic of the questionnaire should have nothing to do with the purpose of the survey, starting with simple facts and experiences, for example: "Where do you live?" "Have you ever been abroad?" Make it easy for the other party to answer, prepare yourself mentally, and then get to the core of the question. This technique is suitable for getting closer to people you meet for the first time.In the face of taciturn people, it is even more necessary to imagine for them, start with facts and experience, and slowly guide them to open up the chatter box. Everyone hopes to get a correct self-evaluation from others, especially when compared with their own opponents, this tendency is particularly obvious.In order to let the person who doesn't like to talk speak, you can use this sense of competition to tell the other party your evaluation of his opponent to arouse his conversation. When you talk about your opponent's competitors, do you compliment or derogate? Please carefully observe the other party's reaction before deciding.And when you start talking about a competitor, you have to pay attention to whether the other party agrees or dislikes, and "watch the words and feelings" at any time in order to "see the wind and turn the steering wheel." Political news reporters are best at using people's arrogance and competitive psychology to elicit the other party's truth. When someone writes an article, he often reminds himself that if he must use a proper noun in psychology, he must add a sentence before the sentence: "Maybe the readers already know..." Even if you know that the reader may not understand, you still treat it as known. If it is an academic paper, of course, there is no need to add these preambles.Because readers of papers can more or less understand the meaning of technical terms, if these prepositions are added to the paper, it will become superfluous. If the target is an unspecified majority of readers, it is another matter.Although the author can predict which class of characters the reader generally belongs to, he cannot limit himself by this.So when the reader level is not very sure, let's write all readers as laymen! The mistake that is easy to make when talking with people is that the speaker speaks cheerfully without knowing whether the other party understands or not.Especially when talking about my new specialized field, I often fall into an illusion, thinking that what I know and am interested in, the other party is also interested in and can understand.If you can learn more about the other party in advance, you can reduce this kind of mistake.But to be honest, it is not easy to cooperate with people with limited understanding. Whether it is an article or a conversation, ordinary people will feel repulsed by the frequent occurrence of professional terms that they do not understand, and not only reject those terms, but also repel the speaker.Therefore, when someone writes a general article, if he mentions a technical term, he must not forget to write before the sentence: "The reader may already know it." The purpose is to ease the reader's sense of rejection. When the other party tells you about something you don't know, "You may already know it", probably no one will be angry!Even feel complacent because the other party overestimates you.Once this "indirect compliment" works, it can not only reduce the other party's sense of rejection, but also arouse the other party's interest in "listening and watching". In non-directive therapy, there is an interview technique called "parrot learning". When a patient with mental illness says "I am very troubled now" to the psychologist, the doctor repeats the patient's words: "Yes! You are very troubled now! " Patient said: "I'm so embarrassed about this!" The doctor also repeated: "It's really embarrassing!" The psychiatrist does not make any conclusions, does not give any instructions, but just repeats what the other person said. The success of treatment depends on the level of communication between the patient and the psychiatrist.If the two can talk about everything, it will be half the battle.However, the difficulty we face is that even in the face of a psychologist, patients often hesitate to speak out about their problems.In order to open the patient's heart, the psychologist must temporarily act as a listener.Not only concentrate on listening to the other party's conversation, but also show an enthusiastic listening attitude to encourage patients to talk about their problems.And how do you show an attitude of eager listening? "Parrot learns words" is the most effective method.Therefore, when experienced psychologists meet patients for the first time, they are usually willing to play the role of "loyal listener" in order to establish an intimate relationship with each other. When we paid attention to an interview with a famous reporter, we found that repeating the other party's words was more effective than "hmm!" "yes!" Wait for help more often.Maybe the famous reporter didn't notice it himself, but he did give the other party a good feeling by doing so. Faced with such an enthusiastic audience, the interviewee naturally provided a lot of news. Everyone wants others to listen attentively to what he has to say.Listening to the other party's conversation makes the other party feel affirmed and respected, and thus also wins his favor. Talking with people can talk for 30 minutes without a break, probably only famous mouthpieces in the cross talk world can do it!In order not to stagnate the atmosphere, everyone hopes to create several climaxes.It's a pity that it's easier said than done, because the topic is either interrupted during the conversation, or it gets further and further away, which is always unsatisfactory. If you encounter a situation where the other party digresses, it is recommended that you use actions (remember not to use words) to remind the other party of their gaffe.For example: deliberately knock down the coffee cup on the table, or change the sitting posture and other small actions to attract the attention of the other party and achieve the purpose of hinting.In this way, the other party can return to this question quickly. This kind of body language that changes the original action is the same as the effect of advertisements on TV. It can give the other party a chance to stop and think in the busyness, so as to find their own mistakes. When the other party digresses, if you tell him bluntly on the spot, it may make the scene very awkward.Therefore, it is better to hint to the other party with silent actions. When the other party understands your hint, they will come back to this question with great interest. There is such a sentence in an American book on interview skills: "The other party monopolizes the topic, and you can interrupt the other party's conversation by deliberately dropping copper coins to change the topic." This method is similar to the above-mentioned body language, both of which are psychological tactics to return to the topic. When a TV program is broadcast live, the host must pay attention to the time while performing the program.Once, when the rebroadcast program was coming to an end, the staff informed the host that there were still 3 minutes left, but the interviewed guests had already breathed a sigh of relief.Perhaps it was a mistake in the speed of the work, the time was not well controlled, the guests and the director had finished speaking the lines prepared in advance, but there were still 3 minutes before the end time.In desperation, the director asked the host to make a summary of the interview just now to spend the 3 minutes.This is a pain for the host!Messy and intermittent, how could he speak without any mental preparation? Half a year later, someone was invited for a live interview, and the same thing happened!When he finished the experiment and explained, the program happened to have 3 minutes left.At this time, the host calmly and methodically faced the camera: "It is a great honor to invite Mr. T to come to the show today to do such a wonderful experiment and explanation for us. This experiment..." Just in 3 minutes, the entire program process was briefly reviewed. A common mistake when talking to someone for the first time is not grasping the progress of the topic.When you meet someone you know well, you are not afraid of running out of topics. If this topic cannot go on, there are other things to talk about.However, you must know that sophisticated interpersonal relationships do not rely solely on the development of topics, it may be achieved through repetition, circulation, or even witty small talk.However, ordinary people are eager to seek kindness, and when they meet someone for the first time, they desperately search for topics, while ignoring the affection of gossip. Most of the reasons for the interruption of the topic are blindly paying attention to the progress of the topic, which makes the conversation inflexible.In such a situation, avoid obsessively looking for new topics. Please take a break from the topic and use the host's simple and neat method to sort out and summarize the content of the conversation just now as a countermeasure. Books such as "Interpersonal Coping" and "Eloquence Skills" on the market have always taught us how to talk to people gracefully.We have serious doubts about this.Someone once pointed out in the book "Psychological Warfare of Language" that "silence" has an indispensable effect in interpersonal communication.Reluctantly, when they met for the first time when the topic was prone to intermittent, as long as the two were silent for a while, they would curse this damned blank moment.Little did they know that many fruitful meetings took place in silence. Mr. Hisao Sawano, a writer, visited the home of Yasutomo Kawabata, a Nobel laureate in literature.Apart from exchanging a sentence or two occasionally, the two sat facing each other for a few minutes and hardly talked.According to Mr. Sawano afterwards, the meeting yielded a lot, and he was very satisfied personally.From this story, we can know that people can truly think and communicate in silence, and even though there is no conversation, they have benefited a lot.Therefore, there is no need to be afraid of the existence of silence, and don't let chatter deprive you of the opportunity to think and communicate with each other.After understanding this truth, I hope that everyone will no longer feel awkward and uneasy because of the interruption of the topic. The old proverb: "Humbleness benefits, fullness suffers loss", "Smart people are not complacent", "Conceited people blame others" These words all illustrate the harm of arrogance.In short, self-satisfaction hinders one's own progress, and one cannot gain the trust of others when interacting with others. There are so many aphorisms from the ancients to warn against complacency, and the reason is also because there are too many complacent people in the world. Needless to say, the purpose of arrogance is nothing more than wanting to be valued by others, wanting others to think that we are great.Be careful during the conversation, no matter how the other party raises your social status, you must not be complacent before the other party boasts.Because you have the desire to show off yourself, similarly, the other party is also eager to try! In order to create a harmonious atmosphere, give priority to satisfying the other party's desires.Otherwise, the heart that the other party finally opened will be closed again, and the conversation will not be able to proceed smoothly. If you really can't help but want to boast about yourself, please say a few words without any trace when the other party is boasting, so as to relieve your desire!Because, when both parties are boasting, in order to show that they are superior to others, the bragging will become bigger and bigger, and the original things that should be done will be abandoned.A person who loves to boast has a strong desire for self-expression. It is precisely because he often boasts that others cannot trust his words or even his conduct. When we were stopped by the police for questioning, we couldn't help feeling unhappy.Apart from our displeasure with their arrogant tone and attitude, there seems to be other reasons.Although we are displeased with the police's questioning, they are also on duty and have to carry out their tasks.Another source of displeasure when we are cross-examined is that our innocence is being questioned by others. Similarly, in daily life, if you are questioned by the other party with unclear intentions, you will also wonder in your heart whether the other party does not trust me?Or are you doubting something?On the occasion of meeting someone for the first time, the two of them came here with a sense of wariness, and they were especially prone to this kind of suspicion.For example, if you suddenly ask about the other person's experience after meeting, the other person will feel as if they are being interrogated.Therefore, when you ask questions, you should take into account the other party's mentality, first explain your intentions tactfully, and then ask.For example: "I am a complete layman in science, so I would like to ask you, what kind of course do you specialize in polymer chemistry?" Asking questions in this way can avoid the other party's uneasy state of mind. As mentioned earlier, in order to establish a trusting and intimate relationship with patients, psychologists must use various deep skills.One of the basic skills is "don't criticize the other party". When the other party talks and listens quietly, the other party's heart will naturally open.有经验的心理医生甚至能在初见面一个小时之内，运用这种心理技巧，完全获得就诊者的信赖，使其连平常难以启口的秘密也都倾口而出。 他们让就诊者尽情地诉说，绝不中途打断。因为，如果截断对方谈话，导致其欲望无法满足，双方不但不能形成亲密关系，反而会使对方产生敌对情绪。当我们调查售货员与顾客之间关系时发现，事后要求退货的顾客，以当时售货员口若悬河、拦腰截断顾客谈话的情形居多。所以，开启他人心扉、建立彼此亲密关系的秘诀不是说话的内容，也不是说话的技巧，而是你真心接纳对方的诚意。请记住，不少优秀的推销员是嘴拙讷言的人。 在国际外交活动中，饶富趣味的是，参加晚宴者的坐位如何编排呢？正式会议场合中，两国人员各列一排，双方面对面而坐；而在晚宴中，席位的安置为两国人员穿插着并排坐。 这种依照聚会目的不同，座位安排也随之变更的外交形式，是从长远的历史中演变而来的，同时也有其心理根据。人类在协力合作时，有喜欢并排而坐的倾向；而互相产生竞争心理时，又往往是相向而坐。反过来说，两人并排而坐时，容易产生彼此间的紧密关系。外交活动中，开会讨论时相向对坐，晚宴时相邻而坐等形式，就是巧妙地运用了人类合作与竞争的心理变化。 不仅是正式集会，日常生活里我们也常在无意中运用这种心理技巧。例如公司面试和刑事审问时，只求引出对方的真心话，不必考虑到双方关系友好与否，因此采取面对面的形式。又如，在咖啡厅里，男女双方交情还不够深厚时，多半是相向而坐；而交往较深者则是毗邻紧靠而坐。 相信大家都明白了上述的道理。如果能与他人相邻而坐，较容易与对方建立友好关系。因为，并排而坐时，不必担心对方正面投来的眼光，视线较为自然。双方坐得近，心中也易涌现亲近感。 由此可知，相亲时男女双方对桌而坐，实在不是理想的形式。不如使其毗邻而坐，或是稍微侧坐，以可看到对方相貌为佳。如此一来，双方既可减少紧张与尴尬，又容易形成亲密气氛。 有一天，某人陪着他的同事到某餐厅去相亲。吃饭时，男女双方太过拘谨，谈话常常中断。他心想，这次相亲大概是不会成功了。饭后，为了让他们单独相处，他建议他们到附近的公园走一走。与他们二人告别后不久，天空突然乌云密布，接着便轰隆隆地下起倾盆大雨。 他心中不禁嘀咕着这次相亲连天公都不作美。 但是，出乎意料地，这场雨倒是帮了大忙。当时，两人慌慌张张找寻避雨的地方，彼此间的疏远与冷淡便在狼狈地躲雨中消失殆尽，两人率直地聊起天来。现在二人已建立幸福的家庭，那一天的倾盆大雨，反而成了他们的大媒人。由于那场及时雨，使得两人共同拥有特别的体验，彼此关系当然变得非比寻常，心理上的距离也随之快速地缩短。 大家是否希望在与人会面时也来一场“及时雨”呢？ 建议你，不妨自己制造类似“及时雨”的气氛，初见面时，与对方约在两人都没去过的地方，让彼此拥有特别的共同体验，将有助于缩短两人的距离。 所谓“射将，要先射其座马”就是说当你欲说服对方时，不可忽略了与他一起而来的代理人。当初见面的对方有两人时，不要光顾着和“主要”人物说话，而冷落了同来的“次要”人物。因为，得不到“次要”人物的支持，你的说服工作就可能有所阻碍。 特别是生意往来时，握有实际决定大权的人往往不是科长，而是工厂内的领班。若是您在与之会面时无视领班的存在，一味地取悦科长，本来谈得妥的生意，到头来却做不成。同样的道理，家庭中太太常比先生来得有权威，推销员上门推销时，若是不晓得这层道理，不将身操大权的太太放在眼里，却猛向先生展开游说，最后当然徒劳无功。 与人同席时，若是受到冷落，心中当然感到不快，这种不满心理会立刻传染给其他同席者。建议你不可忽视同席的任何人，偶尔也要和在下位者谈谈话，免得对方心理不平衡。 现代社会中，名片的使用相当频繁。若是在上面变点小花样，吸引他人的注意力，借此打开话匣，便可消除双方的生疏感，甚至留给对方深刻的印象。例如，有一位推销员的名片，上面附有其照片，顿时引起他人的兴趣，因此便与他攀谈起来。 在名片上费点心思是必要的，虽然不必太过新奇古怪，但也须稍具匠心。商业界人士似乎有项不成文的默契，大家都持有相当考究的名片，以便在谈话中充分发挥引起话题的作用。有些名片设计别致考究，由名片联想到名片的主人，两者都给人极深刻的印象。 某大学在招考临床心理学专任教师时，淘汰到最后剩下两位候选者。其中一位看起来精明能干，对于面试的问题侃侃而谈；而另一位衣着给人一种俗气的感觉，回答问题时语焉不详，有时停顿良久，令考官也替他焦急。 出乎读者的意料，后者被录用了。其实，优秀的心理医生不是自己滔滔不绝地说，即使你学识丰富，重要的还是要让对方开口说出他的问题。因此，沉默有时候就是最有力的武器。后者被录用的原因之一，大概是考官也同意“沉默的效用”吧！试用后，发现他其实也是个好修饰的人，在专业上有相当的造诣。 初见面的场合，不妨善加利用“沉默的效用”适时缄口不言，让对方有开口的机会，这样可使对话顺利进展。 戏剧演出、音乐会等场合，演出者与观众可谓第一次见面。演出的成功与否，要看演出者与观众之间是否能打成一片，共同融入表演中。为了制造热烈的气氛，常用的手法是，从观众席中叫一名自告奋勇者上台去，共同参加演出。观众们虽然无法每个人都上台，但是看到同为观众的他人上了表演台，同样也有参与感。 为了增加与初见面者的一体感，也时常使用这种方法。但是为了避免矫揉造作的气氛，必须预先准备些有趣的随身小东西，届时邀请对方加入你的游戏。例如，露一手变戏法的本事，引对方进入“表演舞台”事先不告诉对方奥秘之所在，让对方自己想一想，等他左思右想不得其解时，再揭开谜底，以达到同乐的效果。自认为不善于交际者，不妨利用此法，准备一两样游戏，以引起对方的参与感。 某电机制造业者对于工人们屡次怠工感到烦恼不已。 工人则对厂方不满，正协商派代表向厂长反映，但是始终提不出具体的方案向上呈报。 此时，一位副经理挺身而出发言说：“工厂应该改善照明设备，虽然车间里光线不十分暗，但是，如果能够像家里起居室般明亮，心情也会较为开朗，工厂应该给员工们一个更舒适的工作环境。” 员工们对副经理这番话虽然不太赞同，但是自己也没有更好的提案，也就默认了。 业者很快地接受了这个提案，工厂比以前倍加明亮，工人们也不再怠工，比以往更加卖力工作，生产量激增。 但是，不久后总务科反映，电费可观，希望降低用电量，而业者则担心因此会引起员工不满而再度怠工。但是出乎意外地，员工仍然认真工作，丝毫不受影响。 我们对员工的工作态度一点也不感到意外，而不堪电费负荷的总务科人员也在不知不觉中掌握了员工的心理：人们一旦明白对方对他的关心，也会同样有回报之心。为了尽量消除受关切的心理负担，下意识中也想将此负担加诸对方。上述工厂内的照明强弱并非员工们怠工的主要原因，员工们最需要业者对他们的关心，而业者改善照明设备，正表明其重视员工的反映。 这种心理现象在人与人初见面时，颇能润滑彼此间的关系。与对方谈话时，若能在用词遣字上费点工夫，或在倾听时表达出你的关切态度，将可唤起对方相同的回应。正所谓“一分耕耘，一分收获。” 为了形成良好的互动关系，先伸出你的友谊之手吧！