Chapter 57 sequence

When it comes to getting what you want for yourself, kids are the experts.The little girl sat on her father's lap and said, "Daddy, you are the best. You will definitely buy me that new doll." The next morning the little girl went to the supermarket with her mother again, "Mommy, I love you so much Oh, you're the best mommy in the world. I know you'll buy me this chocolate candy." Hungry babies babble instinctively as mommy approaches the bed; car salesmen begin to hurl orchestrated compliments as soon as customers walk through the door.Complimenting words come naturally when people want something from another person.In fact, compliments are the most commonly used and most effective technique to achieve your goals.Dale Carnegie once wrote, "It all begins with praise." Fifteen million readers take this line to heart.And most people also think that if you want others to satisfy your desires, praise is a good way.

You say a compliment to someone, then smile and wait for the other person to be surrounded by warm feelings.You may have to wait quite a while. If the other party is suspicious of your praise and thinks that you have other purposes, the result will be counterproductive.If your compliment is insincere or misguided, there's a good chance that the other person will never trust you again.A friendship that had potential to develop has withered before it blossomed. Subtle compliments make a big difference.If done well, the friendship between each other will immediately warm up.It can even help you close a deal, win the friendship of a new friend, or rekindle your marriage on your golden anniversary.

So what is the difference between helpful praise and hindering flattery?There are many factors involved.It starts with your sincerity, your timing, your motivation and the words you use.It also includes the other person's self-evaluation, position, whether he is used to receiving compliments, and how he feels about your judgment.Of course, the relationship between the two, and how long they've known each other, has its implications.If you're complimenting someone over the phone, email, or regular mail, it's even down to the little things, like whether you've seen a picture or a picture of them.

Enough to make your head spin, right?Studies by sociologists have shown that: (1) compliments from strangers are more powerful than compliments from friends; (3) Laugh at yourself before complimenting others, and it will be easier for others to take your compliments seriously—but the premise is that your status must be higher than that of the listener.If you are in a lower status than the person you are listening to, self-deprecation can reduce your persuasiveness.Complimenting this knowledge is complicated enough! We are not discussing boring academic research now. On the contrary, we are going to learn a few useful skills and put them in a treasure bag.Each of the skills described below fits criteria discovered by social scientists, so here are the nine compliment skills you should have.