Chapter 32 TECHNIQUE 28 COMMUNICATION STARTS WITH YOU
"Sex! Got your attention at last..." Comedians of the past have used this to grab the audience's attention.Natural winners know, though, that there's one word that grabs more attention than "sex."The word is "you".
Why does the word "you" have such power?Because, when everyone is a baby, he feels that he is the center of the whole universe.Nothing else mattered but me, and the moving objects nearby were there to help us (we later learned that those objects were other people).When we were kids, we were all utterly self-centered, little brains that interpreted every action and every word around us as, "What does that do to me?"
Born Winners know that nothing has changed in each of us.Adults mask their self-centeredness with civilized manners and polite smiles, but when they receive any information from the outside world, they immediately interpret it as: "How does that affect me?"
Gentlemen, let's say you want to invite your girlfriend Jill to dinner and you say to her, "There's a great new Indian restaurant, would you like to try it out with me tonight?"
Before Jill could answer, she was thinking, "Does it mean great food, great atmosphere, or both?" She went on to wonder, "Indian restaurant? I'm not sure. He said it was great, but I would Do you like it?" While thinking about it, Jill hesitated.Her hesitation may be misleading, and you think she doesn't like you as a person.As a result, the joy of communication between the two hearts disappeared without a trace.
Suppose you start by asking her, "You're going to love that new Indian restaurant. Would you like to come with me tonight?" In this way, you subconsciously answer Jill's doubts.Of course it is easier to get a positive response.
The law of bitterness and joy is the driving force leading life. Psychologists point out that everyone will naturally tend to the happier aspects of life and avoid the more painful aspects.And thinking about it is painful for most people.
So whenever Natural Winners want to dominate, inspire, be liked, make a sale, or find someone to have dinner with, they complete the thought process for someone else.They translate everything into an easy-to-understand version, beginning every sentence with the strong word "you" whenever possible.Therefore, I call this technique communication begins with "you".
Starting with "you" can also make your communication richer.Even when talking to strangers on the street, starting with "you" can be very effective.Once, when I was driving into San Francisco and lost my way, I was so helpless that I asked passers-by on the sidewalk how to get to the Golden Gate Bridge.I stopped a couple who were climbing a hill. "Sorry," I poked my head out of the car window, "I couldn't find the Golden Gate Bridge." The couple looked at each other, shrugged, and it was written on their faces: "How can someone ask such a stupid question?" That My husband pointed forward and said, "That direction." I was still confused.So I stopped the next couple. "Excuse me, where is the Golden Gate Bridge?" Without a smile on their faces, they pointed in opposite directions.
I decided to use the technique of communication starting with "you".When another couple showed up, I said, "Excuse me, can you tell me where the Golden Gate Bridge is?"
"No problem," they answered my question directly.You see, asking a question in another way is tantamount to sending out a challenge letter subtly.My question is tantamount to: "Can you tell me how to get there?" This just hits people's ego.They walked up to my car and gave clear directions.
Wow!I thought to myself, the word "you" is really useful.To prove this hypothesis, I tried a few more times.I repeatedly asked the way to passers-by in different ways.Every time I say, "Can you tell me...", people are always more than happy to answer.If there had been a black box like an airplane in the Garden of Eden, the whole world would have believed that the word "you" had infinite power.Eve didn't ask Adam to eat the apple, nor did she command him to eat it.She doesn't even say, "Adam, I want you to eat this apple." Eve replies (like a born winner): "You're going to love this apple." Adam just eats it.
Whenever possible, start every sentence with "you" whenever the situation and grammar are appropriate.This will immediately grab the listener's attention.This approach can also get a positive response from others, because you have touched people's self-esteem, and at the same time exempted them from the process of thinking and processing on their own. Use the word "you" more often in conversation, like salt and pepper to eat, your audience will have a lot of finger-licking.
Psychotherapists have calculated that psychopaths say the word "I" 12 times more often than outsiders.As the patient's condition improved, the number of times he said "I" also decreased. By the same token, the less you use the word me, the clearer your audience will think you are.If you overhear a conversation with a great communicator, you'll notice that they use "you" far more than they use "I." The next tip is about how a great communicator can get your attention.
Whenever possible, start every sentence with "you" whenever the situation and grammar are appropriate.This will immediately grab the listener's attention.This approach can also get a positive response from others, because you have touched people's self-esteem, and at the same time exempted them from the process of thinking and processing on their own. Use the word "you" more often in conversation, like salt and pepper to eat, your audience will have a lot of finger-licking.
Psychotherapists have calculated that psychopaths say the word "I" 12 times more often than outsiders.As the patient's condition improved, the number of times he said "I" also decreased. By the same token, the less you use the word me, the clearer your audience will think you are.If you overhear a conversation with a great communicator, you'll notice that they use "you" far more than they use "I." The next tip is about how a great communicator can get your attention.