Chapter 37 More "friends" less love

Secondly, you also need to learn to refuse certain people to be your good friends. What? reject friends? You can't read it wrong, right? Yes, you read that right, I know this is inconsistent with what we usually call "multiple friends, multiple paths". Many people may not be able to accept this concept at once, but it is necessary. What is a good friend?Good friends need to spend time and energy to maintain, good friends need to see each other frequently, good friends also need to care about each other often, they are the core members of your social circle. In order to maintain the relationship between you and your good friends, you must spend a certain amount of time and energy. If you have countless good friends, you will not be able to allocate your time to meet the needs of your good friends. After such a long time, you may lose Really good friends.

It's also a "break" and "make" relationship. In order to build and protect a relationship with a good friend, you have to learn to break your relationship with someone. You can't be a good friend to everyone. This is the same as once you start a family, have a lover and children, you have to gradually distance yourself from your friends and classmates. Your time and energy are limited. In order to run the family and let the family feel at home If you are warm, you have to spend more time at home. Of course, you don’t have as much time and energy to spend with friends as you did when you were single.

The love that everyone can give is a limited resource. If it is given to friends, sometimes it is inevitable to neglect family members. If it is given to family members, it is inevitable to alienate friends. We need both family members and friends, so we must allocate them reasonably. If you have too many friends, you will give less love to your family. Therefore, after you have a family, in order to run your family and give love to your family, you must allow some distance between old friends. This is to protect your family. I remember that not long after I got married, for a period of time, I took over the management of a team of hundreds of people. In order to improve the relationship with everyone, I often had dinner with the superiors or the backbone of the team. Sometimes I had to entertain customers. I have to hang out with friends and rarely eat at home.

Several times, my wife prepared a table of my favorite meals and waited for me to go home. As a result, after get off work, I called and told her not to go home for dinner tonight, leaving her alone at home to guard the vacant room. Colleagues, friends, and family members are indeed important relationships in our lives. Your love is limited. For lovers, friends, colleagues, parents, and future children, you must distribute your love reasonably to ensure that each relationship All are in good health. This is like a concentric circle of people, you are the core of your own interpersonal relationship, family members are the closest people to you, besides yourself, you should give them the most time and energy, good friends and some relatives second In short, you should allocate less energy and time to them than your family members. Generally, friends are on the outer layer, and you allocate less time and energy to them. The outermost layer is strangers, who you spend the least time and energy on. People, in addition to letting some people enter the interpersonal circle closer to you, you also need to protect the boundaries of each circle to prevent too many people from entering the interpersonal circle closer to you.

relationship level In order to maintain your core interpersonal relationship and ensure that you have enough psychological resources to deal with things in life, you must learn to refuse some people to be your good friends, so that you can have enough psychological resources to be with your good friends. Friends and family get along. Learn to reject some things and some people, and you will have more psychological resources to deal with the things in your life, so that your emotions will be calmer and your life will be happier.