Chapter 32 Why Some People Are Terrified Of Domestic Violence

The function of the emotional button is that when we encounter danger, the subconscious mind will compare it with the scene in the previous memory. If the current scene is close to the scene that once caused us harm, the subconscious mind will remind us through emotion. During a class, a girl asked me: "Teacher, how can I identify what kind of men are violent?" Instead of answering her question directly, I asked her: "You want to avoid violent men so much, is your father violent?" "It's because my father often beats my mother that I hope I don't follow in my mother's footsteps!"

When she raised this question, I realized that there might be a more important problem in her body than the question she asked, that is, she is especially afraid of domestic violence, because the things people deliberately avoid are usually experienced in the past matter. In fact, it is relatively difficult to identify whether a person is violent when you first meet him. Children from the same family, even if they have parents who firmly believe that "a filial son is born under a stick", may not all be violent. Some children may think that my parents always beat me. I feel that my childhood was very unhappy. When I am educating my children, I must not beat them, so that my children will not be like me in childhood, and some may continue the pattern of their parents.

She is especially afraid of domestic violence. This is an emotional button for her. Once she meets someone who seems to want to be fierce to her, she may be afraid immediately. This fear is often not brought to her by the current person, but rather a child. Fearful memories of the violence against the father were awakened. Because she is afraid, she may leave this man immediately, which may make her miss a lot of good men who are just a little bit tempered, but not necessarily hit. It is also because of this characteristic that she will pay special attention to whether the man has a violent tendency when interacting with a man. As long as the man's words and deeds are slightly "like" a violent person, she will run away and miss more people.

Therefore, this emotional button of hers may have a considerable impact on her mate selection process and needs to be managed. The emotional button is not a new concept. There is a well-known word in psychology to explain this meaning. Emotions are transferred to the present person. For example: My female student asked her husband to drink boiled water. The reason why her husband is extremely repulsive is that in her husband's subconscious mind, he "transferred" the bad feeling he had when his mother forced him to drink milk to his wife. . Emotional buttons are also called "psychological complexes", which are caused by past experiences. The emotional buttons that are easily touched in love relationships are basically caused by the relationship in the original family. If they are not healed, After people have a partner, these emotional buttons are brought into the love relationship and become "landmines" in love one by one. At some point, one party may step on the other's mine, and the other party's emotions are suddenly detonated .

People's various psychological barriers are usually formed through such reasons, such as someone's fear of driving, someone's fear of a certain shape of food, someone's fear of singing, someone's fear of public dancing, etc. Wait. At a very young age, the subconscious mind remembers a scene that once threatened us, and then, when we encounter similar scenes in the future, it uses the emotions at that time to remind us, regardless of whether we have the ability to deal with such a scene now. matter. When we grow up, we no longer need the subconscious mind to use the experience of the year to remind us, but the subconscious mind will still remind us, which forms various psychological barriers today, which will seriously affect our normal life, just like the person who was affected A girl who has been sexually assaulted.

And like my upset about the sentence "who told you what?", although it didn't affect my normal life, it occasionally brought me emotions. At least at that time, it affected my normal communication with my wife.