Chapter 27 People who control others are "ego"

What is control?Control is to hope that the world exists in the way you want, everything should develop in the way you want, everything is under your control, but this is impossible, the world cannot be controlled by one person, it belongs to all mankind , Your lover cannot be controlled by you, he is an independent individual, when you find that you cannot control the world or others, your emotions will rise. Just like when a child is hungry and his mother doesn’t come to feed him in time, he will have emotions and cry louder and louder. In fact, controlling others is because he is immature and has a lot of self-inclinations in his personality. Therefore, this desire to control It needs to be managed, and these emotions caused by control also need to be managed.

But those who control others will put on a gorgeous coat for their controlling behavior, and call it beautifully: "I'm doing this for your own good!" Just like the female student's control over her husband, on the surface it seems to be for her husband's health, but in essence it is controlling him. The essence of control is to satisfy one's own desires, it is selfish, it is to hope that the other party will do things according to their own wishes, but we know that this is not acceptable in the adult world, people will say that you can't do what you want, you can't impose on others .

Therefore, we still need to rationalize, which is to find some right reasons for our own control, so that others can see that what you do is right and there is nothing wrong with it. For this reason, we will automatically quote some standards, some value standards of right and wrong, to achieve the purpose of self-control, just like the female student who controls her husband. The reason she found is that after getting up in the morning, drinking a glass of boiled water can detoxify, What a gorgeous coat. Maybe seeing this, some people will still say that she is doing it for his own good!

Yes, it's for his own good, but it's just what she thinks, he doesn't like it, and letting him drink it is imposing on others. According to this logic, she can let him eat dishes he doesn't like, saying it is nutritious, let him do jobs he doesn't like, saying it is for his achievement, let him associate with people he doesn't like, saying it is useful for him , let him live a life he doesn't like, say it makes sense, etc. The point is, whose life is this?is his!He has the right to choose to do what he likes, not to be enslaved! Different people have different degrees of desire for control due to their different experiences in the growth process.Everyone has a desire to control to some extent, but the degree is different, but in essence, controlling others is an expression of self, a manifestation of insecurity and immaturity, and failure to consider the feelings of the other party. Such desires are too much. Relationships hurt.